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GREENBANK NAA NEWSLETTER GREY FUNNEL DITS

Disclaimer: The material contained in this publication is in the nature of entertainment for the members. Contributions are acknowledged, with thanks, from service organisations. The editor expressly Disclaims all and any liability to any person, whether an

association member or not. Views expressed may not necessary be those held by the Executive or the members.

Editor: Tony Holliday tonyholliday13@gmail.com 0403026916

Series No 2 Date: March 2019 Issue No 3.

GREENBANK NAA Sub Section Events…March / April 2019 March 2019: Tuesday 05 March 2019 1930-2100 Normal Meeting RSL Rooms Wednesday 27 March 2019 1000-1130 Executive Meeting RSL Rooms April 2019 Sunday 07 April 2019 1030-1200 Normal Meeting RSL Rooms Wednesday 24 April 2019 1000-1130 Executive Meeting RSL Rooms Thursday 25 April 2019 Anzac Day March and Service ** Please note: 30 April is the last day for benefits for non-financial members. Office bearers elected at AGM 17 February 2019: President: Michael Brophy Treasurer: Henk Winkeler Secretary: Vacant Vice President: Terry McLean Vice President: Tony Holliday Meeting day/time trial: It was proposed and seconded that a trial for Meetings to be held at a day time, this would be introduced for the months of April 07 and June 02. As there is no Sunday date available for May that Meeting will be Tuesday 7th May at 1930. Day Meetings will commence at 1030. Further day time meeting as per yearly program are: July and August. Editors Request: Articles for the newsletter can be handed in at meetings, or by email: articles may be edited to fit the newsletter. The contents of this edition of the newsletter have been obtained from information provided from Len Kingston-Kerr whom I thank greatly, various publication publications and NAA information emailed in.

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Naval Personalities: William Evan Crawford EVANS

William Evan Crawford Allan, 'Darby' to his shipmates, was born on 24 July 1899 at Bega in New South Wales. His grandfather was one of the original settlers in the Bega region and as a child, Evan was brought up on a family property in nearby Upper Brogo. Interviewed in 2000, Evan highlighted the 1908 visit of the American Great White Fleet as influencing his desire to join the Royal Australian Navy (RAN). This ambition was realised on 13 March

1914 when Evan enlisted as a 14-year old Boy Second Class and began his naval career in the boys' training ship HMAS Tingira. In July 1915 Evan joined the light cruiser HMAS Encounter, which shortly thereafter sailed on a four-month patrol in the South West Pacific area. Fiji was utilised as a base for the ship's operations. The Australian cruiser also protected Fanning Island to deter enemy forces from attempting to repeat the success of the German Navy's SMS Nürnberg, which in a raid in September 1914 destroyed the cable station and severed the Pacific communications cable. Evan then saw further active service overseas in the Malay archipelago from late 1915 to early 1916; in the South West Pacific between September and December 1917, when Encounter joined the search for the German raider Wolf and two voyages to Colombo on convoy escort duty. Evan left Encounter in August 1918 for passage to the United Kingdom in the transport Barambah. During the voyage there was an outbreak of Spanish Influenza which caused a significant number of deaths. Although he showed symptoms of infection, Evan was fortunate not to suffer the full and deadly effects of the disease. He then joined the cruiser HMAS Sydney in Scotland one week after the surrender of the German High Seas Fleet. Sydney returned to Australia in July 1919 after a long passage from England via the Suez Canal.

HMAS Encounter. Evan then drafted to HMAS Brisbane in September 1919 and served in the cruiser for the next three years. The period was typical of peacetime service. The only overseas port visits were to Penang and Singapore in March 1921 and New Guinea in September 1921. However, it was a significant time in the context of Evan's professional development. He was promoted to Leading Seaman in November 1919 and then to Petty Officer in June 1922; qualified as a Seaman Torpedo man; and

volunteered to join the fledgling submarine service in September 1921. He also ran a popular side business developing photographs, taken with his own camera, and printing them on to postcards for sale to his shipmates. Brisbane decommissioned on 4 August 1922 and her crew commissioned the light cruiser HMAS Adelaide the following day. It transpired that Evan would spend almost four years in Adelaide. The undoubted highlight was her attachment to the Royal Navy's Special Service Squadron in 1924. Adelaide sailed from Sydney in April 1924 and accompanied the Squadron on the second half of its world cruise. The Squadron arrived in Portsmouth in late September 1924 having visited New Zealand, Fiji, Hawaii, Canada, the United States, Panama and Jamaica. Adelaide also became the first RAN ship to pass through the Panama Canal.

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When she visited the Canadian port of Vancouver in July 1924, Evan was introduced to Miss Ida Gwendoline Wright. Evan and Gwen struck up an immediate friendship, so much so that when it came for his ship to leave Vancouver he lamented the difficulty of service life and the hurt and sadness of saying goodbye, feelings shared by many of his similarly heartbroken shipmates. Adelaide sailed from England in January 1925 and arrived back home in Australia three months later. Evan returned to Tingira in June 1926 for instructional duties until the boys training ship decommissioned in June 1927. A short stint in the depot and accommodation ship HMAS Penguin (ex-Encounter) preceded service in HMAS Melbourne, which sailed from Sydney in February 1928 on her decommissioning cruise to England. Melbourne decommissioned at Portsmouth on 23 April 1928 and her crew transferred to the newly built heavy cruiser HMAS Australia which commissioned the next day. Following sea trials Australia departed Portsmouth in August 1928 for her delivery voyage to Australia, visiting Canada, the United States, Jamaica, Panama, Tahiti and New Zealand. On 6 August 1928 Australia was in the North Atlantic enroute to Montreal when Evan was swept overboard with heavy seas running in force eight winds. Evan and several other crew were attempting to recover the starboard breakwater door which was adrift on the forecastle. The official report states that a large sea came inboard and swept the fore part of the forecastle. When it cleared, the Commanding Officer saw Evan swimming in the water abreast of the bridge. The sea state precluded the safe launching of the sea boat and it was only due to Evan's remarkable coolness and the prompt actions of Commissioned Shipwright William White, Lieutenant Commander Rupert Long, and Evan's divisional officer, Lieutenant Commander Harry Howden, that tragedy was averted. Evan suffered from shock caused by immersion and contusions to one leg, the latter the result of the heavy seas bumping his body against the cruiser's hull when he was hauled back on board.

HMAS Australia. In early 1929 Evan seemingly gave some thought to parting from the Permanent Navy and transferring to the RAN Auxiliary Services - his current engagement was due to expire in July 1929. In January 1929 Captain John Stevenson, then Second Naval Member of the Australian Commonwealth Naval Board, observed that a decision to leave would be a decided loss to the service. Captain Stevenson had been Evan's Commanding Officer in Encounter, Brisbane and

Adelaide, and had a high regard for Evan's abilities as a professional sailor and made a point of highlighting his very good conduct and superior abilities. In mid-1929 Evan was drafted to Sydney to join HMAS Penguin. Penguin was formerly the submarine depot ship HMAS Platypus and had been re-assigned for service as a depot and accommodation ship. Promoted to Chief Petty Officer in April 1932, Evan remained in Penguin throughout the early years of the Great Depression until January 1933 when he briefly served in the seaplane carrier HMAS Albatross. In 1933 he proceeded to England in the SS Comorin to commission the Scott Class Flotilla Leader HMAS Stuart.

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Stuart had been in commission with the Royal Navy since 1918 and in 1933 the Admiralty agreed to loan Stuart and four V&W Class destroyers (HMA Ships Vampire, Vendetta, Voyager and Waterhen) to the RAN. The five ships commissioned at Portsmouth on 11 October 1933 to form the Australian Destroyer Flotilla, later to become famous in World War II as the 'Scrap Iron Flotilla'. Evan left Stuart to join the heavy cruiser HMAS Canberra in July 1934. His service in Canberra was generally routine peacetime cruising in home waters. One of the few highlights came in late 1934, when Canberra was tasked on Royal Escort duty when His Royal Highness The Duke of Gloucester visited Australia in HMS Sussex. Evan also took the opportunity to further his professional knowledge of small craft operations by studying for a Master's Ticket in Sydney. The Maritime Services Board of New South Wales issued a Certificate of Competency as Master of a Harbour and River Steamer on 14 July 1936. The qualification was a necessary pre-requisite for Evan to apply for the position of Master of the 120-foot auxiliary vessel Ripple, which was expected to become vacant the following year. Ripple was employed by the RAN as a water tender. The support of Commander Harry Howden, one of his rescuers from 1928, is further evidence of the rapport that Evan had with senior naval officers. In late 1936 the Australian Government agreed to send a contingent of servicemen to England to represent Australia at the coronation of King George VI on 12 May 1937. The naval detachment of the Australian Coronation Contingent was to be 25 in number and led by a Commissioned Warrant Officer. Fourteen were to be permanent service ratings and the remaining 10 drawn from the Royal Australian Fleet Reserve, Royal Australian Naval Reserve and RAN Auxiliary Services. Evan volunteered and in the new year was selected to join the Coronation Contingent. They embarked in the SS Oronsay in February 1937. Apart from their royal ceremonial duties, the contingent attended a number of official functions in England and Scotland. Their final engagements were in France, and the contingent embarked in the RMS Orama at Toulon for passage to Sydney. In August 1937 Evan began duty at the Royal Australian Naval College at Flinders Naval Depot in Victoria, instructing the young Cadet Midshipmen in the art of sailing and seamanship. In early 1938 the College underwent an organisational change from the 'year' system to the 'house' system, and Evan assumed the mantle of the 'Flinders House' Chief Petty Officer. Evan was drafted for active service in the armed merchant cruiser HMS Moreton Bay one month after the outbreak of World War II. Built as a passenger and cargo liner, Moreton Bay was fitted out in Sydney and served on the China Station, the East Indies Station and then in the South Atlantic on patrol and convoy escort duties. When Moreton Bay decommissioned in August 1941 for conversion to a troopship, arrangements were made to return her Australian crew via the United States and Canada. This provided an opportunity for Evan to re-establish contact with Gwen some 17 years after they were first introduced to each other. They married in Canada and Gwen subsequently accompanied Evan aboard the liner Mariposa, arriving in Sydney on 5 December 1941. Whilst serving in Moreton Bay, his Commanding Officer had recommended Evan for promotion to Warrant Rank (in Evan's case Boatswain). He was duly promoted to Acting Boatswain effective 9 July 1942 and appointed to the instructional staff at the new Officers' Training School, under the charge of Commander Alan Harris RN. Commander Harris described Evan as 'a man of outstanding qualities...' and '...an excellent influence on the young men in his charge.' The Officers' Training School had been established because of the urgent requirement to provide properly trained officers to man a rapidly expanding wartime fleet.

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HMS Moreton Bay. In July 1944 Evan was posted to HMAS Ladava, the RAN depot at Milne Bay in New Guinea, for service as the Piermaster. Although a short appointment of only six months duration, the Commanding Officer of Ladava observed that Evan's common sense and service knowledge '...helped guide the many inexperienced officers...' and that 'he has created order out of confusion that existed amongst the boats and lighters.' Not

surprisingly, he was recommended for promotion to commissioned rank. From Ladava, Evan was appointed again to the cruiser Australia as the ship's boatswain, replacing Boatswain Cyril Deighton who had been injured in the Japanese kamikaze attacks at Leyte Gulf in October. Evan was flown to Seeadler Harbour but missed his connection with Australia by only a matter of hours, the ship having already sailed for operations at Lingayen Gulf. In a twist of fate, Sub Lieutenant Keith Levy, who was tasked to discharge the duties of boatswain during Evan's absence, was killed in action when Australia was hit by another kamikaze on 5 January 1945. Evan eventually joined Australia when the ship returned to Seeadler Harbour in late January 1945. She had sustained considerable battle damage at Lingayen Gulf and proceeded direct to Sydney for repair. Evan left the ship in May 1945 to assume duty as the Instructional Boatswain at the New Entry School at Cerberus. Promoted to Acting Commissioned Boatswain in January 1946, Evan saw out the remainder of his naval career instructing at Cerberus. He was highly regarded by his superiors and commanded the respect of his subordinates - Commodore Henry Showers RAN, then Commodore Superintendent of Training, was strong in his recommendation that Evan's services be retained, despite the post war personnel reductions. Evan retired from the Navy on 30 October 1947. He returned to the land and lived on a small farm in the Frankston area, not far from Cerberus, to raise his young family. Although he shied away from events such as Anzac Day marches, Evan maintained a keen interest in contemporary naval affairs. He served the nation as a professional sailor for over 33 years and served throughout both World Wars. He commissioned four ships, decommissioned a further three and was the recipient of both the 1935 King's Silver Jubilee Medal and the 1937 Coronation Medal. In the post war years the RAN adopted Royal Navy provisions governing the institution of a War Service Rank, and in 1948 the Naval Board wrote to Evan confirming that he had been granted the War Service Rank of Lieutenant. In more recent years Evan was presented with the 80th Anniversary Armistice Remembrance Medal and the Centenary Medal. Evan Allan passed away on 17 October 2005 at the venerable age of 106. He was the last surviving World War I veteran, and the last remaining Australian veteran to see active war service in the Great War. He was farewelled with a State Funeral at St Mark's Chapel, HMAS Cerberus, on 25 October 2005. His ashes were scattered in Port Phillip Bay from the flight deck of HMAS Sydney on 24 July 2006.

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ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY Admirals

Leighton Seymour Bracegirdle was born on 31 May 1881 at Balmain, New South Wales, son of Frederick Bracegirdle, an English-born master mariner, and his wife Sarah Elizabeth, née Drewe. He was educated at Sydney High School and became a clerk. In August 1898 he joined the New South Wales Naval Brigade (Naval Militia) as a Cadet, was promoted Midshipman two years later and in 1900-01, during the Boxer Rebellion, served with the

New South Wales contingent to the China Field Force. Next year he saw action in the South African War as a Lieutenant in the South Africa Irregular Horse; once he narrowly escaped death when he was shot by a sniper after being thrown from his horse. After the war Bracegirdle resumed work as a clerk, remained in the naval militia and on 19 December 1910 married Lilian Anne Saunders at St Philip's Anglican Church, Sydney. He joined the Royal Australian Navy as a Lieutenant in 1911 and was District Officer at Newcastle until World War I. In August 1914 he enlisted in the Australian Naval and Military Expeditionary Force (ANMEF), served as a Staff Officer in the seizure and occupation of German New Guinea and in November was made Acting Lieutenant Commander. The ANMEF was disbanded on 18 February 1915 and later that month Bracegirdle was appointed Commander of the First Royal Australian Naval Bridging Train. Originally intended for service in Flanders, the train embarked in June, was diverted to the Dardanelles, and attached to the IX British Army Corps under General Bland. Its first operational task, carried out under continual shrapnel fire, was the erection of piers and pontoons for the Suvla Bay landing of 7-9 August. The unit served at Suvla until the evacuation and had charge of pier-building and maintenance, the landing of troops, stores and ammunition and the provision of the beach water-supply. On 28 September Bracegirdle was wounded while salving a wrecked store-lighter but he remained on duty. From early December the bridging train was preparing for the evacuation; Bland praised its work during this period, describing it as a specially valuable and well-commanded unit. Bracegirdle, who was hospitalized with malaria and jaundice on 19 December, was twice mentioned in dispatches for distinguished service at Suvla. He resumed command on 31 January 1916 and for the next three months the train served with I Anzac Corps, operating on the Suez Canal. Late in April it was reassigned to IX Army Corps in the southern section where, in addition to controlling canal traffic and conveying military stores, it built substantial wharves for unloading heavy engines for the desert military railways. Bracegirdle was awarded the Distinguished Service Order (DSO) in June and was mentioned in dispatches in September. In mid-December, during the advance into Palestine, his unit landed stores on the open coast of the Sinai Desert off El Arish. Early in 1917 the Naval Bridging Train was disbanded; he relinquished his command on 5 March. In April he was promoted Commander and returned to Australia as officer-in-charge of troops on the Willochra. He was District Naval Officer at Adelaide in 1918-21 and at Sydney in 1921-23. He had also been a president of the Commonwealth Coal Board in 1919-20. He was made Director of Naval Reserves in 1923 and next year was promoted Captain.

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In 1931 Bracegirdle became Military and Official Secretary to the Governor-General Sir Isaac Isaacs, and moved to a cottage in the grounds of Yarralumla, Canberra. His appointment continued during the terms of office of Lord Gowrie and the Duke of Gloucester, and extended into the early part of Sir William McKell's term. He brought to the post an appropriately commanding manner and an imposing presence but also coped well with the economies forced upon Government House administration by the Depression and World War II. He retired from the navy in 1945 in the rank of rear admiral, and from his post as official secretary in 1947; in January he was appointed a Knight Commander of the Royal Victorian Order

'Brace', as he was generally known, remained active throughout his retirement, working for many years for his friend Essington Lewis as a part-time liaison officer with the Broken Hill Proprietary Co. Ltd and holding directorships of three other companies. He had always enjoyed fishing, shooting and tennis and he and Lady Bracegirdle liked tending the garden at their French's Forest home. A custom which they observed daily was the hoisting of the flag in the grounds. Survived by his two sons Rear Admiral Bracegirdle died on 23 March 1970 and was cremated.

---------------------------------------------------------------- NAVAL DISASTERS SAO Paulo

Brazilian Navy. She was the second of two ships in the Minas Geraes class, and was named after the state and city of São Paulo. São Paulo Soon after commissioning, São Paulo was involved in the Revolt of the Lash in which crews on four Brazilian warships mutinied over poor pay and harsh punishments for even minor offenses. The initial spark was provided on 16 November 1910 when Afro-Brazilian sailor Marcelino Rodrigues Menezes was brutally flogged 250 times for insubordination. Many Afro-Brazilian sailors were sons of former slaves, or were former slaves freed under the Lei Áurea (abolition) but forced to enter the navy. They had been planning a revolt for some time, and Menezes became the catalyst. Further preparations were needed, so the rebellion was delayed until 22 November.

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The crewmen of Minas Geraes, São Paulo, the twelve-year-old Deodoro, and the new Bahia quickly took their vessels with only a minimum of bloodshed. Two officers on Minas Geraes and one each on São Paulo and Bahia were killed. The ships were well-supplied with foodstuffs, ammunition, and coal, and the only demand of mutineers, led by João Cândido Felisberto was the abolition of "slavery as practiced by the Brazilian Navy". They objected to low pay, long hours, inadequate training, and punishments including bolo (being struck on the hand with a ferrule) and the use of whips or lashes, which eventually became a symbol of the revolt. By the 23rd, the National Congress had begun discussing the possibility of a general amnesty for the sailors. Senator Ruy Barbosa, long an opponent of slavery, lent a large amount of support, and the measure unanimously passed the Federal Senate on 24 November. The measure was then sent to the Chamber of Deputies. Humiliated by the revolt, naval officers and the president of Brazil were staunchly opposed to amnesty, so they quickly began planning to assault the rebel ships. The officers believed such an action was necessary to restore the service's honor. The rebels, believing an attack was imminent, sailed their ships out of Guanabara Bay and spent the night of 23–24 November at sea, only returning during daylight. Late on the 24th, the President ordered the naval officers to attack the mutineers. Officers crewed some smaller warships and the cruiser Rio Grande do Sul, Bahia's sister ship with ten 4.7-inch guns. They planned to attack on the morning of the 25th, when the government expected the mutineers would return to Guanabara Bay. When they did not return and the amnesty measure neared passage in the Chamber of Deputies, the order was rescinded. After the bill passed 125–23 and the president signed it into law, the mutineers stood down on the 26th. The Brazilian government declared that the country would be neutral in the First World War on 4 August 1914.

The sinking of Brazilian merchant ships by German U-boats led them to revoke their neutrality, then declare war on 26 October 1917. By this time, São Paulo was no longer one of the world's most powerful battleships. Despite an identified need for more modern fire control, she had not been fitted with any of the advances in that technology that had appeared since her construction, and she was in poor condition. For these reasons the Royal Navy declined a Brazilian offer to send her and Minas Geraes to serve with the Grand Fleet. In an attempt to bring the battleship up to international standards, Brazil sent São Paulo to the United States in June 1918 to receive a full refit. Soon after she departed the naval base in Rio de Janeiro, fourteen of the eighteen boilers powering the dreadnought broke down. The American battleship Nebraska, rendered assistance in the form of temporary repairs after the ships put in at Bahia. Escorted by Nebraska and another American ship, Raleigh, São Paulo made it to the New York Naval Yard after a 42-day journey. In New York, São Paulo underwent a refit, beginning on 7 August 1918 and completing on 7 January 1920. Many of her crewmen were assigned to American warships during this time for training. After the refit was completed, São Paulo picked up ammunition in Gravesend and sailed to Cuba for firing trials. São Paulo returned home in early 1920. In 1922, São Paulo and Minas Geraes helped to put down the first of the Tenente revolts. Young Brazilian Army Officers seized Fort Copacabana in Rio de Janeiro on 5 July, but no other men joined them. As a result, some men deserted the rebels, and by the next morning only 200 people remained in the fort. São Paulo bombarded the fort, firing five salvos and obtaining at least two hits; the fort surrendered half an hour later. The Brazilian Navy's official history reports that one of the hits opened a hole ten meters deep. Crewmen aboard São Paulo rebelled on 4 November 1924, when First Lieutenant Hercolino Cascardo, seven second lieutenants and 260 others commandeered the ship.

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After the boilers were fired, São Paulo's mutineers attempted to entice the crews of Minas Geraes and the other ships nearby to join. They were only able to sway the crew of one old torpedo boat to the cause. The battleship's crew, angry that Minas Geraes would not join them, fired a six-pounder at Minas Geraes that wounded a cook. The mutineers then sailed out of the Rio de Janeiro's harbor, where the forts at Santa Cruz and Copacabana engaged her, damaging São Paulo's fire control system and funnel. The forts stopped firing soon after the battleship returned fire due to concern over possible civilian casualties. The crewmen aboard São Paulo attempted to join revolutionaries in Rio Grande do Sul, but when they found that the rebel forces had moved inland, they set course for Montevideo, Uruguay. They arrived on 10 November, where the rebellious members of the crew disembarked and were granted asylum, and Minas Geraes, which had been pursuing São Paulo, escorted the wayward ship home to Rio de Janeiro, arriving on the 21st. In the 1930s, Brazil decided to modernize both São Paulo and Minas Geraes. São Paulo's dilapidated state made this uneconomical; at the time she could sail at a maximum of 10 knots (19 km/h; 12 mph), less than half her design speed. As a result, while Minas Geraes was thoroughly refitted from 1931 to 1938 in the Rio de Janeiro Naval Yard, São Paulo was employed as a coast-defense ship, a role in which she remained for the rest of her service life. During the 1932 Constitutionalist Revolution, she acted as the flagship of a naval blockade of Santos. After repairs in 1934 and 1935, she returned to lead three naval training exercises. As in the First World War, Brazil stayed neutral during the opening years of the Second World War, until U-boat attacks drove the country to declare war on Germany and Italy on 21 August 1942. The age and condition of São Paulo relegated her to the role of harbor defense ship; she set sail for Recife on 23 November 1942 with the escort of two American destroyers (Badger and Davis) and served as the main defense of the port for the war, only returning to Rio de Janeiro in 1945. Stricken from the naval register on 2 August 1947, the ship remained as a training vessel until August 1951, when she was sold to the Iron and Steel Corporation of Great Britain After preparing from 5 to 18 September, São Paulo was given an eight-man caretaker crew and taken under tow by two tugs, Dexterous and Bustler, in Rio de Janeiro on 20 September 1951 for one last voyage to Greenock and the breakers. When north of the Azores in early November, the two lines snapped during a strong storm. American B-17 Flying Fortress bombers and British planes were launched to scour the Atlantic for the missing ship. The ship was reported as found on the 15th, but this proved to be false. The search was ended on 10 December without finding São Paulo or her crew.

Class Minas Geraes Battleship Length 500ft

Builder Vickers Barrow in Fumes UK Beam 83ft

Laid down 30 April 1907 Draft 24ft 8.75in

Launched 19 April 1909 Power 23,500 Shp

Commissioned 12 July 1910 Speed 21.5 Kts

Displacement 19,105 tons Propulsion 2 shaft reciprocator vertical triple expansion

Fate Sunk 1951 Steam engines

Armament 12 x 12in guns 22 x 4.7in guns 8 x 3 pounder guns

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Have a Laugh

DNA Test After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you. Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to the DNA test results, this is not our kid. Husband: Well you don’t remember, do you??

When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here. So I went inside, left the dirty one there and got a clean one.

No headache A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these

years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?"

His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.."

It worked! The headaches are all gone.." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it . Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries

her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the

bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife..."

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Little Billy

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'

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ROYAL AUSTRALIAN NAVY Ship History HMAS Gascoyne

Class River Class Frigate Length 301 ft

Builder Mont’s Engineering Sydney Beam 36 ft 7in

Laid down 3 July 1942 Draught 12 ft

Launched 20 February 1943 Speed 20 Knots

Commissioned 18 November 1943 Crew 140 Officers and Ratings

Displacement 1,489 tons Machinery Triple Expansion, 2 shafts

Horsepower 5,500 ihp

Armament 2 x 4in guns 2 x 40 mm Bofors 6 x 20 mm Oerlikons 1 x hedgehog Depth Charge Throwers

HMAS Gascoyne was ordered as part of Australia's shipbuilding program during the Second World War. Twelve of these Australian built frigates were to enter service with the Royal Australian Navy. A further ten were ordered but cancelled as the war drew to a close. The first 8, HMA Ships Barcoo, Barwon, Burdekin, Diamantina, Gascoyne, Hawkesbury, Lachlan and Macquarie, were built to the British River Class design and Australia likewise named its frigates after Australian rivers. A further four, HMA Ships Condamine, Culgoa, Murchison and Shoalhaven, were also named after Australian rivers but were built to the design of the Royal Navy's Bay Class Frigates. These latter ships were generally known as Modified River Class Frigates although they are sometimes referred to as Bay Class. Gascoyne commissioned at Sydney on 18 November 1943 under the command of Lieutenant Commander Jack Donovan, RAN. She completed her working up trials and exercises in the Sydney area at the close of January 1944. On 5 February 1944 she sailed for Milne Bay in New Guinea, where she operated as an escort vessel in local waters. From 26 to 29 February she was engaged in anti-submarine protection for the United States Transport President Grant which was stranded on Suckling Reef. In March, April and May she remained in New Guinea waters serving mainly as an escort vessel for convoys proceeding north from the American base at Manus Island.

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HMAS Gascoyne in Sydney Harbour in 1944 On 31 May 1944 she returned to Sydney for docking. On 7 August 1944 Gascoyne returned to New Guinea where she resumed duty as an escort vessel based at Manus. In early October she relieved HMAS Warrego, at that time attached to the United States Hydrographic Unit of the United States Seventh Fleet. Later that month she sailed for the Leyte Gulf in the Philippines with the advance elements of the American forces assembled for the attack on the central Philippines. Gascoyne operated as a Survey Vessel in the Philippines from 18 October, two days before the landings at Leyte Gulf, until 17 November when she proceeded for Manus. During October, 39 air attacks were experienced in close vicinity to the ship and 30 Japanese aircraft were shot down within sight of her complement. Four bombs fell within 100 yards of Gascoyne but she suffered no damage and her only casualty was one man wounded. In November she was again the target of several enemy aircraft but was not hit or damaged. Gascoyne sailed from Manus to return to Leyte on 16 December 1944 and arrived in San Pedro Bay on 21 December and there resumed duty as a Survey Vessel. On Christmas Eve, when anchored at Guiuan, the Dutch vessel Sommelsdijck lying nearby was hit and set on fire by an aerial torpedo. The Australian frigate organised the removal of 1300 troops from the burning ship and assisted by USS Buttonwood subsequently successfully subdued and finally extinguished the flames.

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On 2 January 1945 Gascoyne sailed from Leyte as part of the great armada assembled in San Pedro Bay for the second phase of the Philippines campaign which aimed at the prompt extension of the success gained at Leyte by a landing at Lingayen as a preliminary to the seizure of Central Luzon and reoccupation of Manila. Enroute she experienced her first surface action of the war when in company with HMAS Warrego and USS Bennion she engaged two Japanese destroyers at long range. Operating as a unit of the United States Minesweeping and Hydrographic Task Group, Gascoyne served in the Lingayen Gulf area until 10 January when she proceeded to Leyte and thence to Manus where she arrived on 23 January. On 1 February she transferred to the control of Rear Admiral Kaufman USN, Commander Philippine Sea Frontier, for service as an escort vessel. On this duty she served as escort for convoys proceeding to the newly conquered areas in the Philippines. In mid-April 1945 Gascoyne returned to Sydney and thence to Melbourne for refit. In June 1945 Gascoyne returned to New Guinea waters where she was engaged on further escort duty. In July she took part in the seizure by Australian forces of the Balikpapan area in Borneo, including bombardment support for the troops ashore. August, the last month of the war, was spent escorting convoys to Borneo. In September she took part in the surrender of Japanese forces in Borneo, being used to transport the Commanding General of the Japanese 2nd Army. The remaining period of 1945 was spent transporting troops and stores, a service which took the frigate into the Moluccas, Halmaheras, Borneo and Timor. She returned to Sydney on 5 January 1946 having steamed 81,584 miles on war service. On 12 April 1946 Gascoyne paid off at Sydney into Reserve. She was briefly recommissioned for the period of 1 July 1947 to 15 August 1947, to facilitate her passage from Sydney to Melbourne, where she underwent a refit. On completion of the refit, she recommissioned on 12 January 1948 for the return passage to Sydney. Without again proceeding to sea, Gascoyne paid off again on 26 November 1948. Following a period of over ten and a half years in Reserve, Gascoyne recommissioned at Sydney on 8 June 1959, under the command of Lieutenant Commander John Nicholas, RAN for survey and oceanographic research duty. She was converted and specially fitted and equipped for this task, including the provision of laboratories on board. Following over six years’ service as a survey and oceanographic research ship, Gascoyne paid off on 1 February 1966. She had steamed more than 218,930 miles on oceanographic research service. Overall she steamed 301,781 miles. Without being brought forward for further service, Gascoyne was sold as scrap on 15 February 1972 to the Fujita Salvage Company Limited of Osaka, Japan. On 6 July 1972 the Japanese tug Sumi Maru left Melbourne for Japan with Gascoyne and the former destroyer HMAS Quickmatch in tow.

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