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Grief and Loss Coaching
Certificate Training Program
P.O. Box 739 • Forest, VA 24551 • 1-800-526-8673 • www.AACC.net
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Welcome to Light University and the “Grief and Loss Coaching” program of study. Our prayer is that you will be blessed by your studies and increase your effectiveness in reaching out to others. We believe you will find this program to be academically sound, clinically excellent and biblically-based. Our faculty represents some of the best in their field – including professors, counselors and ministers who provide students with current, practical instruction relevant to the needs of today’s generations. We have also worked hard to provide you with a program that is convenient and flexible – giving you the advantage of “classroom instruction” online and allowing you to complete your training on your own time and schedule in the comfort of your home or office. The test material can be found at www.lightuniversity.com and may be taken open book. Once you have successfully completed the test, which covers the units within this course, you will be awarded a certificate of completion signifying you have completed this program of study. Thank you for your interest in this program of study. Our prayer is that you will grow in knowledge, discernment, and people-skills throughout this course of study. Sincerely,
Ron Hawkins Dean, Light University
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The American Association of Christian Counselors
Represents the largest organized membership (nearly 50,000) of Christian counselors and
caregivers in the world, having just celebrated its 25th anniversary in 2011.
Known for its top-tier publications (Christian Counseling Today, the Christian Counseling
Connection and Christian Coaching Today), professional credentialing opportunities offered
through the International Board of Christian Care (IBCC), excellence in Christian counseling
education, an array of broad-based conferences and live training events, radio programs,
regulatory and advocacy efforts on behalf of Christian professionals, a peer-reviewed Ethics
Code, and collaborative partnerships such as Compassion International, the National
Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference and Care Net (to name a few), the AACC has
become the face of Christian counseling today.
With the needed vision and practical support necessary, the AACC helped launch the
International Christian Coaching Association (ICCA) in 2011, which now represents the
largest Christian life coaching organization in the world with over 2,000 members and
growing.
Our Mission
The AACC is committed to assisting Christian counselors, the entire “community of care,” licensed professionals, pastors, and lay church members with little or no formal training. It is our intention to equip clinical, pastoral, and lay caregivers with biblical truth and psychosocial insights that minister to hurting persons and helps them move to personal wholeness, interpersonal competence, mental stability, and spiritual maturity.
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Our Vision
The AACC’s vision has two critical dimensions: First, we desire to serve the worldwide Christian Church by helping foster maturity in Christ. Secondly, we aim to serve, educate, and equip 1,000,000 professional clinicians, pastoral counselors, and lay helpers throughout the next decade. We are committed to helping the Church equip God’s people to love and care for one another. We recognize Christian counseling as a unique form of Christian discipleship, assisting the church in its call to bring believers to maturity in the lifelong process of sanctification—of growing to maturity in Christ and experiencing abundant life. We recognize some are gifted to do so in the context of a clinical, professional and/or pastoral manner. We also believe selected lay people are called to care for others and that they need the appropriate training and mentoring to do so. We believe the role of the helping ministry in the Church must be supported by three strong cords: the pastor, the lay helper, and the clinical professional. It is to these three roles that the AACC is dedicated to serve (Ephesians 4: 11-13).
Our Core Values
In the name of Christ, the American Association of Christian Counselors abides by the following values:
VALUE 1: OUR SOURCE We are committed to honor Jesus Christ and glorify God, remaining flexible and responsive to the Holy Spirit in all that He has called us to be and do. VALUE 2: OUR STRENGTH We are committed to biblical truths, and to clinical excellence and unity in the delivery of all our resources, services, training and benefits. VALUE 3: OUR SERVICE We are committed to effectively and competently serve the community of care worldwide—both our membership and the church at large—with excellence and timeliness, and by over-delivery on our promises. VALUE 4: OUR STAFF We are committed to value and invest in our people as partners in our mission to help others effectively provide Christ-centered counseling and soul care for hurting people. VALUE 5: OUR STEWARDSHIP We are committed to profitably steward the resources God gives to us in order to continue serving the needs of hurting people.
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Light University
Established in 1999 under the leadership of Dr. Tim Clinton—has now seen nearly 200,000
students from around the world (including lay caregivers, pastors and chaplains, crisis
responders, life coaches, and licensed mental health practitioners) enroll in courses that are
delivered via multiple formats (live conference and webinar presentations, video-based
certification training, and a state-of-the art online distance teaching platform).
These presentations, courses, and certificate and diploma programs, offer one of the most
comprehensive orientations to Christian counseling anywhere. The strength of Light
University is partially determined by its world-class faculty—over 150 of the leading
Christian educators, authors, mental health clinicians and life coaching experts in the United
States. This core group of faculty members represents a literal “Who’s Who” in Christian
counseling. No other university in the world has pulled together such a diverse and
comprehensive group of professionals.
Educational and training materials cover over 40 relevant core areas in Christian—
counseling, life coaching, mediation, and crisis response—equipping competent caregivers
and ministry leaders who are making a difference in their churches, communities, and
organizations.
Our Mission Statement
To train one million Biblical Counselors, Christian Life Coaches, and Christian Crisis Responders by educating, equipping, and serving today’s Christian leaders.
Academically Sound • Clinically Excellent • Distinctively Christian
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Video-based Curriculum
Utilizes DVD presentations that incorporate over 150 of the leading Christian educators,
authors, mental health clinicians, and life coaching experts in the United States.
Each presentation is approximately 50-60 minutes in length and most are accompanied by a
corresponding text (in outline format) and a 10-question examination to measure learning
outcomes. There are nearly 1,000 unique presentations that are available and organized in
various course offerings.
Learning is self-directed and pacing is determined according to the individual time
parameters/schedule of each participant.
With the successful completion of each program course, participants receive an official
Certificate of Completion. In addition to the normal Certificate of Completion that each
participant receives, Regular and Advanced Diplomas in Biblical Counseling are also
available.
The Regular Diploma is awarded by taking Caring For People God’s Way, Breaking Free
and one additional Elective among the available Core Courses.
The Advanced Diploma is awarded by taking Caring For People God’s Way, Breaking
Free, and any three Electives among the available Core Courses.
Credentialing
Light University courses, programs, certificates and diplomas are recognized and endorsed
by the International Board of Christian Care (IBCC) and its three affiliate Boards: the Board
of Christian Professional & Pastoral Counselors (BCPPC); the Board of Christian Life Coaching
(BCLC); and the Board of Christian Crisis & Trauma Response (BCCTR).
Credentialing is a separate process from certificate or diploma completion. However, the
IBCC accepts Light University and Light University Online programs as meeting the
academic requirements for credentialing purposes. Graduates are eligible to apply for
credentialing in most cases.
Credentialing involves an application, attestation, and personal references.
Credential renewals include Continuing Education requirements, re-attestation, and
occur either annually or biennially depending on the specific Board.
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Online Testing
The URL for taking all quizzes for this course is: http://www.lightuniversity.com/my-account/.
TO LOGIN TO YOUR ACCOUNT
You should have received an email upon checkout that included your username,
password, and a link to login to your account online.
MY DASHBOARD PAGE
Once registered, you will see the My DVD Course Dashboard link by placing your mouse
pointer over the My Account menu in the top bar of the website. This page will include
student PROFILE information and the REGISTERED COURSES for which you are
registered. The LOG-OUT and MY DASHBOARD tabs will be in the top right of each
screen. Clicking on the > next to the course will take you to the course page containing
the quizzes.
QUIZZES
Simply click on the first quiz to begin.
PRINT CERTIFICATE
After all quizzes are successfully completed, a “Print Your Certificate” button will appear
near the top of the course page. You will now be able to print out a Certificate of
Completion. Your name and the course information are pre-populated.
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Continuing Education
The AACC is approved by the American Psychological Association (APA) to offer continuing education for psychologists. The AACC is a co-sponsor of this training curriculum and a National Board of Certified Counselors (NBCC) Approved Continuing Education Provider (ACEPTM). The AACC may award NBCC approved clock hours for events or programs that meet NBCC requirements. The AACC maintains responsibility for the content of this training curriculum. The AACC also offers continuing education credit for play therapists through the Association for Play Therapy (APT Approved Provider #14-373), so long as the training element is specifically applicable to the practice of play therapy. It remains the responsibility of each individual to be aware of his/her state licensure and Continuing Education requirements. A letter certifying participation will be mailed to those individuals who submit a Continuing Education request and have successfully completed all course requirements.
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Grief and Loss Coaching Table of Contents:
MLCG 101: Introduction to Grief Coaching ................................................................................. 10 Jennifer Cisney, M.A., Eric Scalise, Ph.D., Dwight Bain, M.A. MLCG 102: A Theology of Grief and Loss ..................................................................................... 19 Ron Hawkins, D.Min, Ed.D. MLCG 103: Grief, Loss and Complicated Grief ............................................................................ 26 Eric Scalise, Ph.D. MLCG 104: Grief and Loss in Childhood ...................................................................................... 34 Norm Wright, M. A., MRE MLCG 105: Injury and Loss of Children ........................................................................................ 44 Eric Scalise, Ph.D. MLCG 106: Grief and Loss in Marriage ........................................................................................ 58 Norm Wright, M.A., MRE MLCG 107: Unrecognized Losses ................................................................................................. 68 Jennifer Cisney, M. A., and Kevin Ellers, D.Min. MLCG 108: The Impact of Disasters on Individuals, Families, and Communities ...................... 74 George Everly, Ph.D. MLCG 109: Faith and Spiritual Care of Disaster Victims ............................................................. 83 Kevin Ellers, D.Min. MLCG 110: Experiential Techniques for Grief Coaching ............................................................. 90 Jennifer Cisney, M.A. MLCG 111: Collateral Damage: Firestorms of Faith .................................................................. 100 Ken Nichols, Psy.D. MLCG 112: Choosing Joy in Life’s Darkest Moments ................................................................ 107 Gary Oliver, Th.M., Ph.D. Appendices: ............................................................................................................................... 113
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MLCG 101:
Introduction to Grief Coaching
Jennifer Cisney, M.A., Eric Scalise, Ph.D. and
Dwight Bain, M.A.
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Abstract
This introductory lesson will describe types of loss and the role of grief coaches. Students will
learn about assessment tools and good guiding questions in grief and loss coaching. Students
will also learn the roles of a coach that are different from that of a grief counselor and when to
refer clients to a counselor. Acknowledging that there are myths about grief in Christian circles,
this lesson will emphasize an accurate biblical understanding of grief and how coaches can
assist their clients in the grieving process.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to identify the goals and processes of grief coaching.
2. Participants will be able to gain a biblical understanding of grief.
3. Participants will be able to identify when to refer clients to a counselor.
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I. Introduction:
A. A grief and loss coach meets clients in their pain.
B. The need is great—life causes change; change causes loss.
C. A coach helps people process through loss and facilitates growth.
D. Grief is universal, but how each person processes through grief is different.
E. The uniqueness of Christian coaching is that it brings Christ into the process.
II. Causes of Loss and Needs of Coaching
A. Death
1. Death is not the only cause of grief, but it is an inevitable reality.
2. There are two million deaths each year in the U.S.
B. Natural disasters
C. Significant or traumatic life events
1. A shooting or crime leads to a loss of felt safety and security.
2. Happy events also change the “norm” (marriage, kids, retirement, etc.).
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D. Why do we need grief and loss coaching?
1. To help teach clients how to grieve.
2. To help clients process, navigate through, and be released from grief.
3. To help clients gain awareness of unhealthy ways of coping and learn new ways
to cope.
4. To equip clients to connect with other sources of support.
5. To hold clients accountable and encourage them.
6. Note: Some people don’t need therapy, but still must go through the grieving
process.
III. Coaching and Counseling
If you are coaching and you don’t have a mental health background, there are things that
will be outside your field of expertise.
A. Cases of loss due to suicide and homicide
1. Let individuals receive counseling first.
2. Make sure this individual is not in immediate danger.
B. Physical and psychological risks
1. Lack of appetite, lack of sleep, lowered level of functioning.
2. Alcohol or drug use.
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C. Assessing degree of loss and psychological pain
1. Intensity of pain/distress scale: 1 (mild) to 10 (very severe).
Above level 6 may indicate the need for counseling
2. Duration
How long do they experience the pain/distress? (in passing, at nighttime,
continually, etc.).
3. Variability
How many different losses are impacting the individual?
What other factors are impacting the individual’s life?
4. Frequency:
How often are the grief symptoms experienced?
D. When do your clients need counseling and help from other mental health
professionals?
1. When their reported pain and distress level is 6 or higher.
2. When there are pre-existing mental health issues (e.g., depression, substance
abuse).
E. Simultaneous counseling and coaching
1. You can be a counselor and a coach to different clients.
2. You cannot be a counselor and a coach to the same client.
F. Different role from the counselor’s role.
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IV. The Goal and Process of Grief Coaching
A. Introducing the new chapter of life (goal)
1. Help the client realize they “can live again, and love again.”
2. Help the client embrace the purpose of life that God has for them.
3. Help them get past “giving up.”
B. Giving permission to grieve (process)
1. People often miss or do not know the critical step of “grieving.”
2. People have to allow themselves to grieve, feel sad, and hurt; otherwise they
become fixated in grief.
V. Christian Grief and Loss Coaching
A. Christ is in us the hope of glory (Col 1:26-27)
1. God is in us and is moving through us.
2. Offer the same comfort you received from God.
B. Myths around grief and suffering
1. Grief is not considered as a faith-oriented struggle.
“Have faith” or “I am not trusting God enough.”
“You should be happy that they are in better place?”
2. Such myths do not allow for the grieving process.
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C. Have a foundation of the accurate theology of suffering
1. Book of Job
2. Purpose behind the suffering
D. Perceptions and loss
1. Individual differences exist within the same types of loss.
2. Help individual work through regrets and loss of dreams.
3. Losses may not necessary be visible.
4. Circumstances do not necessarily cause behavior but people’s responses and
perceptions affect their behaviors.
VI. Ask Good Questions
A. The first question: God asked, “Where are you?”
1. Did God need information?
2. This question made Adam stop and think for himself.
B. Good questions help clients to:
1. Think and process for themselves what is going on.
2. Consider something that they have never considered before.
3. Connect the dots.
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VII. Time to Weep
A. Negative emotions
B. The Psalms
1. Contain the subjects of anger, pain, fear, anxiety.
2. Begin many times with the psalmist’s confusion, questioning, heart cry, etc.
3. Contain declarative statements about God in relation to loss (God’s goodness,
grace, etc.).
VIII. Grief and Connection with God
A. Jesus offers the peace that the world cannot give.
B. Binding the spirit of grief robs an individual’s opportunity to connect with God.
C. Jeremiah was the weeping prophet.
D. Jesus wept at Lazarus’ death.
E. Jesus was the example that showed us grief is normal.
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IX. Modeling
A. Good coaches have to be good models
B. Coaches have to possess personal experience
C. Coaches should not be focused on sharing their own stories with clients and should
be brief in self-disclosure.
D. How do we know we are ready to coach others in grief?
1. Ask yourself, “Do I need to receive coaching?”
2. Jesus modeled receiving by allowing John to baptize Him.
3. You do not have to go through the same type of loss yourself (i.e., divorce or loss
of job), but you need to have processed through your own personal losses.
4. Have you managed to work through your losses effectively?
5. Prayer and accountability are needed in order to discern whether to take the
client whose grief is close to your personal experiences.
6. Faculty needs personal experiences for themselves.
X. Closing Thoughts
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MLCG 102:
A Theology of Grief and Loss
Ron Hawkins, D.Min, Ed.D
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Abstract
Throughout this lesson, Dr. Ron Hawkins helps students discover a theological basis for
suffering. He addresses difficult issues such as the fallen nature of man versus the holy nature
of God. Though God has a perfect plan for His children, all of His children will go through
tribulation. Dr. Hawkins reflects on suffering and helps students place it in a proper perspective
and context.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to examine some reflections of the dynamics of suffering.
2. Participants will be able to gain a biblical understanding of suffering.
3. Participants will be able to see the hope that encompasses people, even in the midst of
suffering.
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I. Reflections on Suffering
A. Suffering produces crisis.
B. Suffering is universal.
C. Suffering involves the whole person.
D. Suffering is holistic in its impact.
E. Further Reflections
1. A quick fix does not work.
2. A biblical foundation in the place of suffering – in the world and in the program
of God – secures and anchors the helper.
3. Ecclesiastes 1:15
4. Job 14:1
II. A Biblical Understanding of Suffering
A. Suffering has a beginning and an ending.
B. Everyone must endure suffering at some point in time.
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C. People are created for shalom (peace) and suffering hurts us.
D. Suffering is never wasted in the divine agenda.
E. God suffers.
F. Suffering is inscrutable; people cannot make sense of it.
G. Suffering is sometimes a ministry in a person’s life to accomplish God’s objective.
H. Suffering may be discipline for sin.
I. Suffering may be the result of spiritual warfare or satanic attack.
J. Suffering may be a tool to break one’s love of the world.
K. Suffering may be for the glory of God.
L. Suffering may be the consequences of hurt from the family of origin.
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M. Suffering may be a part of filling up that which is lacking in the sufferings of Christ.
N. Suffering can increase one’s ability to connect with others who are suffering.
O. Suffering may be connected to evil.
P. Suffering may be caused by abandonment.
III. How Do Helpers Attend to Suffering People?
A. First gain biblical understanding.
B. Commit to being very cautious.
C. Be a conduit for the calming grace of God.
D. Imitate the love and grace of God.
E. Accept their words.
F. Affirm their dignity and value.
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IV. Further Thoughts on Suffering
A. Though there is a chaos and purposelessness of suffering in the world, God, who is
sovereign, can turn the bad of suffering into good.
B. Suffering provides the opportunity to be bitter or better, resting in God’s
faithfulness.
C. The loss of meaning is the doorway to death.
D. 2 Samuel 1:17-27
E. 1 Samuel 23
F. 2 Corinthians 12:7
G. Ecclesiastes 1 and 3
H. Genesis 45:5
I. Ecclesiastes 3:11
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J. 2 Corinthians 1
K. Ephesians 4:29
L. Hosea 3
M. 1 Corinthians 10:13
N. It takes a team – doctor, counselor, spiritual director, coach, family, friends – to
minister to the total person.
O. It’s never too late or impossible. God can heal anything. There is indeed a
message of hope.
V. Closing Thoughts
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MLCG 103:
Grief, Loss and Complicated Grief
Eric Scalise, Ph.D.
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Abstract
Grief can only be experienced when there has been a loss of an intimate relationship or an
object of concern or affection. People grieve because they love; and unfortunately, love and life
can hurt. If people refuse to deal with grief and traumatic events, they will withdraw from life
and only exist in emotional exile and never be able to benefit from the joys of human
experience. Rarely are there easy answers when people experience tragic kinds of losses that
are often untimely. However, there is a message of hope, and God can use people to convey
that message to a world that is hurting.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to learn the nature and consequences of stress, as well as
factors that might help determine the intensity, severity, and duration of a grief
response.
2. Participants will be able to understand the grief cycle and its stages.
3. Participants will be able to understand complicated grief and how it differs from normal
grief and loss.
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I. The Nature and Consequences of Stress
A. Grief is a normal response to loss, and often includes feelings of intense sorrow,
anger, depression, loneliness, and possible physical symptoms.
B. Grief is oftentimes crisis-oriented. The crisis can be real, anticipated, and/or
imagined; however, the impact can be the same.
C. Grief is universal, but how a person walks through grief varies for each individual.
C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our
conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
II. Factors That Might Help Determine the Intensity, Severity, and Duration of a
Grief Response
A. Type of Loss
B. Prior Knowledge and Anticipation
C. Lack of Support System
D. Personal Belief System
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III. Grief Cycle
A. Shock: Initial paralysis that comes as soon as a person becomes aware the event
has taken place.
B. Denial: As soon as the shock hits, people are often trying to avoid the inevitable
reality of what that means. It is easier to say “it can’t be so”.
C. Anger: Release of all the overwhelming emotions that might be bottled up; trying
to push it away. People may go through an explosive release.
D. Bargaining: Seeking in vain to find a way out of the crisis and try to bargain out of
the reality. Believers often try to bargain with God.
E. Depression: Final realization of the inevitable reality of that loss or event in life.
F. Testing: Person begins, through accepted reality, to try to continue in life.
G. Acceptance: Person finally discovers a way out of that place and can move on in
life.
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IV. Complicated Grief
A. It occurs when a person becomes stuck and struggles to break free from the
powerful grip of traumatic circumstances.
B. It is an extreme version of normal grief, and symptoms can sometimes mimic
PTSD.
1. Survivor guilt.
2. Extreme agitation.
3. Depressive episodes & suicidal ideation.
4. Intense sensitivity to most things that would stimulate a person, and intrusive
thoughts.
C. Someone experiencing complicated grief could have great coping skills, but
complicated grief is more connected to the original relationship with a person,
object, or some process that is going on.
1. A person could experience difficulty speaking about the event.
2. Sleep disturbance.
3. Appetite disturbance.
4. Self-destructive behaviors.
5. Excessive avoidance and isolation.
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6. Significant impairment in normal areas of functioning.
7. Strong reactions to triggers in normal events.
D. Approximately 10-20% of people who experience significant losses are at risk for
developing complicated grief.
V. Dynamics That Contribute to Development of Complicated Grief
A. The mode of the loss was incomprehensible.
B. The loss is considered exceptionally untimely.
C. There is a sense of survival guilt.
D. Their culture or environment does not allow the grief process.
E. There is an excessive attachment and proximity to the deceased person’s
possessions.
F. Normal activities are resumed without allowing for normal grief.
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VI. Ministry Opportunities: Act 3:1-11
A. Peter and John gave the beggar a sense of worth
1. By giving their time and attention
2. By not judging
3. By inviting him to join in what God was doing
B. Peter and John gave the beggar a reason to hope
1. By creating some expectancy
2. By commanding attention
3. By building faith
C. Peter and John gave the beggar real help
1. By being involved
2. By being practical
3. By being genuinely authentic
D. Peter and John gave the beggar an introduction to Jesus
1. By acknowledging His name
2. By acknowledging His deity
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3. By acknowledging His humanity
E. Peter and John gave the beggar a sense of belonging
1. By accepting him where he was
2. Leading him in a new direction
3. By changing his life script
F. Peter and John gave the beggar an opportunity to be a witness
1. By being visible and present
2. By confirming the impossible
3. By drawing the hungry
VII. Concluding Thought
Be a healing bridge to a community that is hurting, both within the church and within the
community and beyond. God can use people to touch those who have been impacted by
tragedy, grief, and loss. Be sensitive to point out the way, to show that there are
answers, and to show that believers serve a God of hope, and that the hope is Christ,
who is the Hope of Glory.
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MLCG 104:
Grief and Loss in Childhood
Norm Wright, M.A., MRE
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Abstract
Children have been called the “Forgotten Grievers,” and today, children have become a “grief-
free” generation. It is vital to understand the uniqueness of a child’s grief as well as the effects.
This session is designed to introduce the viewer to a neglected area of ministry.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to develop an understanding of childhood loss and grief and
how children respond to loss.
2. Participants will be able to identify how to assist a grieving child.
3. Participants will be able to understand the effects of trauma upon a child, and identify
steps in helping a traumatized child.
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I. Introduction
Kids grieve too, but too often, adults do not recognize their grief. Whether it is because they
are caught up in their own grief or simply want to protect their kids, adults tend to overlook
how losses such as the death of a grandparent or a pet, or the loss of a move or divorce has
affected them. This lesson will help students recognize the normal reaction of a grieving
child and how to answer a child’s difficult questions relating to death.
II. Childhood Loss
A. There are some childhood losses that individuals never had a chance to grieve
over. They may have carried the losses with them into adulthood.
B. Children grieve and respond to losses differently than adults do.
C. Ask yourself, “What were you taught about loss and grief as a child?” and then
“What do you believe today?”
D. Most childhood losses are material, and parents teach them the principal of
replacement. But often there is no replacement.
E. Four Major Childhood Losses
1. Grandparents
2. Pets
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3. Move
4. Divorce
F. What phrases depict what happens to a child when they experience a loss?
1. “I am at a loss for words.”
2. They do not have cognitive capacity to put the loss into words.
III. Childhood Grief
A. Children’s grief is different than adult’s grief.
B. Children are not as capable of grieving as an adult.
1. Lack abilities to express emotions.
2. Grieve easier in acting rather than talking.
C. “Children tend to re-grieve their losses.” – memories come back all of a sudden.
D. It is important to talk with them about their losses.
1. Give them opportunities to express emotions. But remember that they may not
have vocabulary to express them.
2. Talking enables them to have a sense of control.
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E. Observe their behavior
1. The numb and stunned reaction—not really engaged in the activity.
2. The commotion— acting out.
3. Look for changes in their behavior.
4. Then invite them to talk about the loss.
F. Normal behavior for grieving children
G. Magical thinking — “I caused the death.”
IV. How to Respond
A. How to explain “death” or “dead” to a child: The person’s body does not work
anymore.
B. Expect a child to ask a question again and again.
C. Children need to attend a funeral.
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D. How much information you should give
1. Depends on how close the person was to the child.
2. Do not give all the details of the information that they cannot comprehend.
E. A child needs to be told the truth.
F. After a death, a child needs to feel safe.
1. Need to have predictable life.
2. Manage the level of change.
3. We need to be there for them.
4. They need to feel in control.
5. They need to understand grief.
6. Help them resume the childhood.
7. Be there for them and pray with and for them.
8. Teach them to relearn their life.
9. Grief is like a time of convalescence.
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V. Resources with Norm Wright
Please see the Bibliography/ Reading List for references.
VI. Trauma
A. Definition
1. Worst experience that is above our capacity to handle.
2. Alters a child’s brain--- leaves them in alarm state.
B. Types of childhood trauma
1. Tragedy
2. Sexual abuse
3. Neglect
C. Trauma and human development:
1. Trauma is evasive: affects every developmental stage.
2. Distorts the perception life events through the lens of trauma.
D. Some children experience attachment deficit disorder
E. “Trauma is like a 100-year flood”—new & distorted pathways
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F. Dissociation
G. Trauma sends the message that the life has no
1. Safety
2. Kindness & trustworthiness
3. Predictability
4. Commotion: Do not assume that they are misbehaving
H. Trauma brings silence into a child’s life.
I. How to work with children
1. Toys and puppets
2. Drawings
3. Animals
VII. How to Work with Children
A. Connect the visual memory with story
1. Children who are traumatized tend to withdraw because they cannot tell what
they saw.
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B. Go casual and slow
C. Value the sound of silence.
D. When a child has been traumatized they need someone they can depend on.
E. Caregivers need to be patient.
F. Children need to know it is okay to take time and to feel.
G. When you work with a child in trauma help them pick up the pieces and help bring
hope.
H. Help them arrange what happened so it makes sense.
I. Caregivers need to give them words to explain what happened.
VIII. Concluding Thoughts
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Bibliography/Reading List
Beeney, S. K. & Chung, J. A. (2003). A Kid’s Journey through grief. Vision Unlimited Publishers.
Fogarty, J. A. (2000). The magical thoughts of grieving children: Treating children with
complicated mourning and Advice for parents. Amityville, NY: Baywood.
Gill, L. (2005). Mommy, what’s died? The butterfly story. Chapin, SC: Your Light.
Gordon, N. L.,, Farberow, N. S & Maida, C. A. (1999). Children and disasters. London, UK: Taylor
& Francis.
Heegaard, M. (2001). Saying goodbye to your pet: children can learn to cope with pet loss.
Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press.
James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (2001). When children grieve: For adults to help children deal with
death, divorce, pet loss, moving, and other losses. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Pearman, H., & Abrams, H. (2007). Art therapy for children of all ages: A cookbook for
therapists. Parker, CO: Outskirts Press.
Romain, T. (1999). What on earth do you do when someone dies? Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Schwievert, P., & DeKleyn C. (2005). Tear soup. (3rd ed.). Portland, OR: Grief Watch.
Silverman P. R. (2000). Never too young to know: death in children’s lives. New York, NY: Oxford
University Press.
Wright, H. N. (2004). It’s okay to cry. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.
Ziegler, D. (2002). Traumatic experience and the brain. Phoenix, AZ: Acacia Publishing.
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MLCG 105:
Injury and Loss of Children
Eric Scalise, Ph.D.
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Abstract
Death and injury touch every culture, people, and belief. Children are no exception. This lesson
educates students about statistics concerning the injury and loss of children. It then proceeds
to give guidelines for crisis responders on how to help parents cope with the injury or loss of
children. The final section gives practical guidelines and mistakes responders should avoid.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will discuss the statistics of child injury and loss.
2. Participants will be able to help grieving parents.
3. Participants will be able to avoid false assumptions in counseling mourners.
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I. Introduction
A. Death transcends every culture, every people group, and every belief system.
B. Isaiah 53:3
C. Different people react differently to the death of loved ones, but the impact is
always tremendous.
D. Death often produces a crisis of faith.
E. The loss of a child is unique in that it is a loss of innocence, hope, future dreams,
and more.
F. The grief found among bereaved parents surpasses all other types of grief.
II. Child Traumatic Stress
A. Trauma occurs whenever a child experiences an intense event that threatens or
causes harm to his/her emotional well-being (i.e., natural disaster, accidents,
violence, etc.).
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B. One in four children will experience at least one traumatic event before the age of
16 that will result in injury.
1. Reactions: anxiety, fear, agitation, flashbacks, sleeps disturbances, etc.
2. The issue is finding out what degree of functionality has been affected.
3. Intensity of reaction depends on a number of factors.
III. Unintentional Injury and Accidents
A. Overview
1. Unintentional injury is the number one cause of death among children under 14.
2. Injury varies by age, gender, and race.
3. Rural areas pose greater problems due to lack of advanced trauma care and
response/transportation times.
4. Each year, ¼ of children sustain an injury serious enough to require medical
attention.
5. 92,000 are permanently disabled.
IV. Specific Situations
A. Playground Injuries
1. 200,000 playground injuries every year.
2. 45% result in severe fractures, concussions, dislocations, internal injuries.
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3. 75% occur on public playgrounds.
B. Choking and Aspiration
1. A leading cause of injury and death among children under the age of 4.
2. Primarily food, coins, and small toys.
3. One child will die every five days (over 70 every year).
C. Drowning
1. It’s the 4th leading cause of death for children under the age of 14
2. 25% of all drowning incidents involve children.
3. For every child that dies, another four are treated for submersion-related
injuries.
4. Approximately 300 drowning deaths occur each year.
D. Fire Casualties
1. Each year, an estimate three to four thousand children under the age of 14 are
injured, and 850 are killed.
2. Of those who die, 40% are under the age of 5 and 70% are under the age of 10.
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E. Heat Stroke and Suffocation
1. Averages of 40-50 children die every year from heat exhaustion or hyperthermia.
F. Automobile Related Injuries
1. Children
Approximately 2,000 children die every year in car accidents.
250,000 are injured—a leading cause of disability (brain injury and paralysis).
Failure to wear a seatbelt or failure to use a child safety seat is a factor in
50% of all cases; proper restraint may reduce the risk of death by as much as
71% for infants and 54% for toddlers.
25% of accidents where children are injured involve drunk drivers—for 67%
of them, the child’s driver was the one impaired.
2. Adolescents
Automobile injuries are the leading cause of death for adolescents (33%).
In 2009, eight teens between 16-19 died every day from motor vehicle
injuries—nearly 3,000—4x more likely than adult drivers.
Tend to underestimate dangerous or hazardous situations.
G. Disease and Other Medical Issues
1. Childhood Cancer
Over 10,000 children under the age of 15 diagnosed every year, with over
1,500 deaths.
Makes it the leading cause of death by disease in children.
Most common cancer is leukemia and the most common tumors are brain
related.
Overall, still relatively low disease rate for this age group.
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2. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
Most commonly occurs between 1-4 months of age.
Approximately 2,500 deaths a year.
Death rates have steadily declined since the early 1990’s by almost 50%.
This death is especially difficult because it cannot be predicted or prevented.
3. Miscarriage and Stillbirth
Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage—between 900,000 and
one million losses.
The majority occur during the first or second trimester.
Approximately 25,000-30,000 stillbirths
6.9 child fatalities in every1,000 live births, ranking the U.S. almost at the
bottom compared with other industrialized countries.
H. Intentional Harm
1. Child Maltreatment
Each year, state and local Child Protective Services received between 3-4
million reports of children being abused or neglected.
Almost 60% of all cases happen to children under 3.
71% include child neglect, 16% include physical abuse, 9% include sexual
abuse, and 7% include emotional abuse.
Some suggest that 1 out of every 3 girls and 1 out of every 4 boys will
experience some form of abuse before they graduate from high school.
The vast majority of abuse and maltreatment takes place at the hands of
someone that the child both knows; usually has a relationship with the
victimizer.
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African-American, Native American, and multiracial children are abused at
higher rates due to poverty, racism, a lack of education and absent fathers.
In 2008, 1,740 minors died from abuse and neglect – 80% of these (almost
1,400) were children under the age of 4 – almost 5 every day.
2. Kidnapping and Missing Children
According to the FBI’s National Crime Information Center, over 800,000
reported missing minors every year – 2,200 times every day, a parent
somewhere is filing a report – results in about 800 deaths.
Has increased over 500% in the last decade.
Represents about 2% of all violent crimes against minors – 49% is family
kidnapping, 27% is acquaintance kidnapping, and 24% is kidnapping by a
stranger.
Non-family kidnapping often associated with physical and/or sexual assault –
predominantly girls – 80% occurs within a quarter of a mile of the child’s
home – typical profile is an 11-year-old white female from a middle class
neighborhood.
3. Suicide
In 2009, 17% of high school girls and 11% of boys reported that they had
serious thoughts about committing suicide during the preceding 12 months.
8% of high school girls and 5% of boys reported making at least one attempt.
Approximately 5,000 teen suicides – 400 serious attempts for every actual
death.
2% made an attempt that required medical attention
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V. Crisis Response Issues When Working with Child Victims
A. Assess any immediate need for medical and/or police attention.
B. Address Matters of Safety.
C. Immediate Crisis Response Issues When Working with Parents.
1. Be prepared to deal with extreme anxiety, panic, disorientation, and various
forms of decompensation in the short term.
2. Assess and access available support systems.
3. Safety, medical needs, and professional mental health services.
D. Parental Grief.
1. Bereaved parents express grief differently.
2. An overwhelming sense of its magnitude.
3. A sense that the pain will last forever.
4. Parents are typically confused and afraid to let go of grief
E. Grieving Mothers.
1. The bond is usually more immediate and visible, more intense at the beginning
of life, more emotionally and physically intimate.
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2. The mother's bond with the baby is usually tightly forged from the moment of
conception and continues through the pregnancy, the birth, and the nursing
process.
3. The maternal bond involves the present and the baby's immediate needs.
F. Grieving Fathers.
1. Fathers are more likely to grieve the future.
2. Many forget to help the fathers, mainly focusing on the mother.
G. Some Unique Dilemmas and Needs.
1. Single parents who are often self-supported may be more isolated and ignored.
2. Unmarried parents may have experienced a lack of favor from family and others.
3. Teenage parents whose grief is often not validated because of their situation and
youth.
4. Financially stressed parents whose struggle to satisfy their most basic needs may
cause them to stifle or ignore their need to grieve and for whom loss is a
constantly repeated theme.
5. Divorced parents and parents in blended or nontraditional families.
6. Stepparents whose grief may not be understood or appreciated.
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7. Adoptive parents who may be expected to grieve less than birth parents because
their "bond" with the child is perceived to be less intense.
8. Foster parents who are not thought to have the same "right" to grieve as birth
parents.
9. Parents who experience the death of the only child they may ever have and who
also grieve for the loss of their parenting role.
10. Parents losing a child who is one in a multiple birth and who are faced with the
double task of saying goodbye to the baby who has died and yet...still loving and
caring for the baby who is living.
11. Parents who are removed or estranged from typical and traditional support
systems.
12. Parents in homeless shelters, prisons, jails, or other institutions whose needs
require unique consideration and creative responses.
H. Tasks for the Parents.
1. They must get through (but not over) their grief.
2. They must work through grief.
3. They must learn how to be compassionate, gentle, and patient with their spouse.
4. They must decide what to do with child’s belongings.
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5. They must prepare for special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc.).
6. Many parents find comfort in rituals like funerals.
7. Parents must give themselves permission to heal; healing does not mean
forgetting.
I. Tasks for Caregivers and Other Responders.
1. Grieving parents often feel alienated; there is no timetable for grief.
2. Avoid your preconceived ideas about what grieving looks like.
3. There are no “right” words or expressions of comfort.
4. Friends and caregivers should try to help parents express their grief.
5. In most cases, parents do not want to be avoided, but they may be hesitant to
ask for help.
6. Parents need to know that the support of family and friends will continue after
the initial crisis and funeral.
7. Parents need to know that their child will be remembered.
J. Do’s and Don’ts.
1. Acknowledge the child’s death by telling the parents of your sadness for them.
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2. Visit and talk with the family; ask to see pictures of the child.
3. Offer external gestures of concern such as bringing flowers or writing a personal
note expressing feelings.
4. Offer practical help.
5. Attend the child’s funeral or memorial service.
6. Remember special anniversaries and special days.
7. Don’t avoid the parents’ grief.
8. Don’t impose your views or feelings on the parents.
9. Don’t wait for the parents to ask for help or tell you what they need.
10. Don’t tell them you know how they feel.
11. Don’t be afraid to let the parents cry or to cry with them.
VI. Concluding Thoughts
A. Spiritual Thoughts:
1. David with his child by Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12:16-23)
2. Jarius’ daughter (12 years old), (Luke 8:40-55)
3. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
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4. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
5. 1 Corinthians 15:16-20
6. Mark 4:38
7. Revelation 21:1-4
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MLCG 106:
Grief and Loss in Marriage
Norm Wright, M.A., MRE
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Abstract
Loss and grief impact marriages as well as the individuals who suffer loss. The varieties of loss
in life are myriad, and they increase as couples celebrate their long life together. Living through
loss without the hope of Christ – without the promise of Heaven – easily renders life
meaningless and full of despair. This lesson teaches students to properly deal with loss in
marriage by holding on to sure hope.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to recognize the normalcy of losses being a part of life and to
identify specific types of losses encountered through the transitions of life.
2. Participants will be able to identify and apply James 1:2-3 to the marriage relationship
and to identify the cause as well as reversal of the process of falling out of love with
one’s spouse.
3. Participants will be able to identify steps to take to survive loss.
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I. Introduction
This lesson is designed to alert couples to the fact of losses being a normal part of their
married life. Suggested transitions that contain losses will be presented as well as resources
to assist the couple in growing and maturing through this experience.
II. Losses are a Normal Aspect of Life
A. Crises will Occur.
B. How do People Handle Them?
C. What Losses are in One’s Life that Have Never Been Grieved Over?
III. Losses in Married Life
A. Simultaneous Gains and Losses.
B. Psalms 90:12
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IV. Family Life Cycle
V. Eight Seasons of Parenthood
A. Celebrity
B. Sponge
C. Manager
D. Travel Agent
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E. Volcano Dweller
F. Family Remodeler
G. Plateau
H. Rebounder
VI. Family Life Cycle # 2
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VII. Different Kinds of Losses in Life
A. The Loss of Youthful Dreams
B. The Loss of Childhood Due to Friendship with Parents
C. The Loss of Parents
D. The Loss of Work
E. Loss of Spouse
F. Loss of Health
G. Loss of Independence
H. Loss of Identity
I. Loss of Home
J. Loss of Generation
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K. Material Losses
L. Abstract Losses
M. Loss of Hope
N. Losses Threatened
O. Loss of Relationship
P. Inter-psychic Losses
Q. Functional Losses
VIII. Gender Differences in Handling Losses
A. Women
B. Men
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IX. Questions after Loss
X. Purpose of Loss
A. Loss can Strengthen Faith.
B. Loss can Produce Maturity.
C. Loss Teaches the Lesson that People Cannot Have What They Want When They
Want It.
D. When People Experience Loss, They Will Discover the Extent of the Comfort of
God.
XI. Losses in Marriage that Can Be Avoided
A. Loss of Love
1. Disillusionment
2. Hurt/Disappointment
3. Anger/Resentment
4. Ambivalence/Apathy
5. Numbness/Death of love
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B. Six Dimensions of Intimacy
1. Emotional intimacy
2. Social intimacy
3. Sexual intimacy
4. Intellectual intimacy
5. Recreational intimacy
6. Spiritual intimacy
XII. Couples Who Survive
A. Plan Ahead as Much as Possible
B. Ground Themselves in Scripture
C. Learn from Others
D. Express their Emotions in Healthy Ways
E. Look for Solutions
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F. Don’t Magnify the Problems
G. Don’t Become Bitter
H. Learn to Resolve Conflicts
I. Learn How to Grieve
XIII. Concluding Thoughts
Bibliography/Reading List
Wheat, E. (1993). Love-Life. (Audiocassette series) Scriptural Counsel.
Norman, W. H. (1990). Quiet Times for Couples. Harvest House.
Norman, W. H. (2006). Recovering From the Losses of Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker. Books.
Norman, W. H. (1999). Why did this happen to me? Bouncing Back When Life Knocks You.
DownServant Publications.
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MLCG 107:
Unrecognized Losses
Jennifer Cisney, M.A. and
Kevin Ellers, D.Min.
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Abstract
As a crisis responder, one must recognize that the emotional, spiritual, and psychological
impacts of an incident are measured by how each individual is affected and by the specific
losses they experience. Some of the most challenging losses are those that are not publically
recognized or socially acknowledged as significant. This session will address how to identify
these "unrecognized" losses and give practical recommendations for helping.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to identify common unrecognized losses such as pet loss, health
loss, miscarriage, friend loss and others.
2. Participants will hear testimonials from those who have experienced unrecognized
losses.
3. Participants will learn crisis intervention techniques for identifying and validating
unrecognized losses.
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I. Defining “Unrecognized Losses”
A. Disenfranchised grief – the pain of a significant loss that is not socially supported.
B. Death of an immediate family member typically results in attention and sympathy
from family members and friends, but not all loss is treated this way.
II. Consequences of Unrecognized/Ungrieved Losses
A. “The problem with suffering in silence is that you don’t have the support you need
when you need it most. Bottling up intense feelings leads to deep resentment and
is stressful on the body, which can make you more vulnerable to illness.” – Mary
McCambridge, Foundation for Grieving Children
B. Long-term consequences of unrecognized loss and disenfranchised grief:
1. Physical illness
2. Depression
3. Anxiety
4. Addiction
5. Relationship problems
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III. Potential Areas of Unrecognized Loss/Disenfranchised Grief
A. Your relationship is not recognized by others because they did not know you had a
relationship.
1. Miscarriage/adoption
2. Friendship where the depth of the relationship is not known
3. Co-workers
4. Professional relationships-pastors, counselors, healthcare professionals, etc.
B. Your loss is not a person
1. Pet loss
74.8 million dogs and 88.3 million cats are pets in U.S. homes.
39% of U.S. homes have a dog and 34% have a cat.
83% of pet owners call themselves their pet’s “mommy” or “daddy.”
2. Death of a dream
3. Divorce
4. Financial/job/material loss
5. Health/functioning loss
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C. Your relationship is not accepted or approved of by family or society OR there is
stigma surrounding the life or death of the loved one.
1. Homosexual relationships/affairs
2. Abortion
3. Suicide
4. Drug/alcohol addiction related deaths
5. AIDs
6. Deaths associated with crime/violence
7. Incarceration
IV. Techniques for Effective Crisis Intervention in Cases of Unrecognized Loss
A. Suspend Judgment.
B. Ask questions to determine if there is an unrecognized loss.
C. Validate the loss and the pain and help the person understand their feelings are
legitimate.
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D. Help them learn how to respond to hurtful/ignorant remarks or statements.
E. Suggest techniques for grieving.
V. Closing Thoughts
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MLCG 108:
The Impact of Disasters on Individuals,
Families, and Communities
George Everly, Ph.D.
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Abstract
Disasters range in severity, and their impact upon individuals, families, and communities vary as
well. Responders must be prepared to enter into varying levels of crises. This course discusses
types of crisis incidents and how to interpret psychological distress, as well as specific
symptoms of impact and the guide to stages the victims will encounter throughout the
experience.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to identify types of crisis incidents.
2. Participants will be able to discuss the trajectory of disaster responses
3. Participants will be able to identify specific symptoms of grief and loss in disaster.
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I. Introduction
A. When a Crisis Occurs:
1. Surge-increase in need for psychological help.
2. After a disaster, an increase in need for additional psychological help can range
from 400-1000%, far surpassing what might actually be available.
3. Surge capacity-the level of adequate mental health resources.
B. Key Terms
1. Critical incidents- Events that have the potential to create significant human
distress and overwhelm an individual’s coping mechanisms.
2. Emergencies- Critical Incidents that can be successfully responded to by local
resources.
3. Disasters- Critical Incidents that exceed local response capabilities.
4. Cataclysms- Critical Incidents that cannot be contained or controlled.
5. Psychological crisis- the psychological distress in response to critical incidents
such as emergencies, disasters, traumatic events, terrorism, or catastrophes.
6. Response to a critical incident/a disruption of homeostasis.
7. Characterized by failure of usual coping mechanisms and evidence of
impairment.
8. Evidence of distress and dysfunction
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II. Disaster Trajectory
A. Pre-impact: provide training to prepare for potential disaster.
B. Impact: where disaster unfolds; primary goal is physical survival.
C. Heroic: individuals function well; community bonds; a few individuals who will
take leadership positions.
D. Disillusionment: victims ask “why did this happen?”; expectation of support rises.
E. Reconstruction: rebuilding physically and psychologically.
III. Hopkins RRR Model
A. Resistance: a form of psychological/behavioral immunity to distress and
dysfunction.
B. Resiliency: the ability to rapidly and effectively rebound from psychological and/or
behavioral perturbations associated with critical incidents, terrorism, and even
mass disasters.
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C. Recovery: the ability to literally recover the ability to adaptively function, both
psychologically and behaviorally, in the wake of a significant clinical distress,
impairment, or dysfunction subsequent to critical incidents, terrorism, and even
mass disasters.
IV. Specific Impact
A. Sub-syndromal Impact on Individuals
1. Cognitive impairments
2. Emotional reactions
3. Behavioral reactions
4. Physiological reactions
5. Spiritual/religious reactions
B. Traumatic Grief
1. Loss
2. Compounded by suddenness
3. Increased by gruesomeness
4. Increased by regret
5. Increased if belief that the person is not happy after life
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C. Burnout
1. Cynicism
2. Hostility
3. Self-medication
4. Risk-taking
5. Desire for a “change”
6. Procrastination
7. Depression
D. Major Syndromal Presentations
1. Post-traumatic depression
2. Post-traumatic self-medication
3. Brief reactive psychosis
4. Suicidal ideation/attempts
5. Violence
6. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
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E. Impact on Families
1. Withdrawal
2. Short-temperedness
3. Cynicism
4. Violence
5. Neglect
6. Biology of family discord
7. Stimulation of amygdaloid nucleus
8. Increased testosterone
9. Increased adrenalin
F. Impact on communities
1. Decrease in community cohesion
2. Grief
3. Blaming sub-groups
4. Community violence, looting
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5. OR, can increase cohesion by finding a common bond
6. Let down as media stops giving attention
G. Trajectory of FIRST RESPONDER different than trajectory of PRIMARY VICTIM
1. Resolution for first responder only after end of disaster operational phase
ended.
H. Resiliency
1. The ability to adapt to or rebound from adversity
2. Optimism- mandate to dictate a positive outcome
3. Tenacity-pushing on
4. Interpersonal Support
I. Resilient leadership
1. Optimism
2. Decisiveness- avoiding a decision may turn out to be a big mistake
3. Open, honest communications- one must communicate openly and honestly
4. Integrity
5. Taking responsibility for your actions
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V. Concluding Thoughts
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MLCG 109:
Faith and Spiritual Care of Disaster Victims
Kevin Ellers, D.Min.
Grief and Loss Coaching
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Abstract
Drawing on one’s faith and a supportive community of believers can have a positive powerful
and healing impact on disaster survivors. Understanding the impacts of incidents and how to
help survivors through the aftermath is critical. A failure to understand the dynamics of
appropriate spiritual care in a shared setting is essential.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to define where and how emotional and spiritual care fits
within a disaster operation
2. Participants will be able to describe the foundations of emotional and spiritual care in
disasters.
3. Participants will be able to discuss the impacts that disasters can have on survivors.
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I. Where does Emotional and Spiritual Care Fit in the Incident Command
System?
II. Emotional & Spiritual Care Officer:
A. Position Description
1. Reports to Incident Commander
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2. General Description
Responsible for managing spiritual and emotional support services on a
disaster operation.
Support includes external care for disaster victims, rescue workers, and the
general public.
Essential Qualities for choosing an ESCO:
Must have the capacity to coordinate the provision of spiritual and emotional
care to all individuals through individual care or by referral while respecting
the diverse faiths and religious beliefs of those served.
Must be organized and exercise attention to details.
Must demonstrate maturity and the ability to remain calm and to provide
clear thinking and leadership in times of crisis.
Must be grounded spiritually and be able to minister to the spiritual needs of
the ESC team.
Must demonstrate a positive attitude and instill a sense of mission within the
ESC team.
Must be able to clearly convey the essential functions of emotional and
spiritual care to the ESC team.
Must maintain the highest levels of confidentiality within the ESC team.
3. Responsibilities
Development, implementation, and maintenance of a comprehensive
emotional and spiritual care plan within the disaster relief operation.
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Coordinate the recruitment and selection of qualified individuals to serve on
the ESC support team.
Provide supervision and consultation for the spiritual and emotional support
team. This will include needs assessment, selection of team leaders, team
formation, case consultation, briefing, diffusion, demobilization, and
debriefing services for team members.
Provide on-site orientation and training as needed for ESC team members
and community clergy partners.
Know the limits and capabilities of ESC team members, maintain a current list
of referral sources, and be prepared to make immediate referrals to other
professional mental health providers for victims who require a more
substantive level of care.
Work closely within the local community to assist survivors in connecting
with faith communities and indigenous support systems for emotional and
spiritual care.
Arrange and assist with public or private memorial services as required or
requested.
Serve as liaison for ESC issues with local faith groups as well as liaison with
command staff regarding the needs of the ESC team.
ESCPs should also be embedded in a variety of service areas such as: canteen
crews; disaster assistance centers; clean-up crews; assessment teams; family
assistance centers; emergency operations centers; command center; morgue
staff support; and stress reduction centers.
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B. ABC’s of providing appropriate emotional and spiritual care in a disaster setting
1. Assessment, Being there, and Caring appropriately
2. Assessment: How is this impacting you and what you need?
Type of incident and the impacts.
Important themes observed that could have an impact on their faith.
Perception is critical.
Thoughts and emotions are constantly changing in the aftermath.
Watch your judgments.
Do a brief religious and spiritual assessment – past and present – internal
and external.
Survivors may have powerful emotions and reactions.
Listen carefully for dissonance .
3. Being there- “I will be with you!”
Ministry of presence
Do you know who you are?
Scriptural theme “I will be with you”
Listen and observe
Safety and containment
“Being” is foundational to “doing”
Different people need different things
4. Caring appropriately- “How can I help?”
Do not judge them!
Do not try to fix them!
Be with them and hear their cries of lament
Allow them to be a victim
Listen for their strengths – what faith markers can they draw on?
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Religion vs. spiritual -You may not be able to provide religious services but
you can always provide something spiritual .
Ministering in a shared disaster setting can be challenging because:
Lack of history
Different faith understanding
Differences in culture
Impact and intense reactions
Overwhelming need and magnitude
Unfamiliar setting, protocols & structure
Serving them in practical ways is vital and demonstrated by the life of Jesus
III. Concluding Thoughts
Bibliography/Reading List/References
Cisney, J. & Ellers, K. (2009). The First 48 Hours: Spiritual Caregivers as First Responders.
Nashville: Abingdon Press.
Ellers, K. (2011). Emotional and Spiritual Care in Disasters. Ellicott City: MD International
Critical Incident Stress Foundation.
Kamien, R. (2010). Music: An Appreciation (7th Ed., Brief Ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.
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MLCG 110:
Experiential Techniques for Grief Coaching
Jennifer Cisney, M.A.
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Abstract
Grief Coaches need tools to walk individuals, couples and families through a healthy process of
grief and mourning. Experiential techniques offer tools that help people experience their grief
in safe and effective exercises. Coaches will learn how to introduce these techniques to clients
and process them in a way that will move clients forward in the grieving process.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will understand how experiential techniques help clients move effectively
through a grief process.
2. Participants will be able to list different experiential techniques that might be effective
with grieving clients.
3. Participants will be able to discuss how to use fours specific experiential
tools/techniques for grief coaching.
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I. Introduction
Experiential therapy techniques are highly effective for counselors. Many of these same tools
can be utilized by coaches in ways that do not involve counseling or psychotherapy, but can
assist a coach in teaching clients about healthy grieving. The goal of this session is to give grief
coaches practical tools to assist clients in a healthy process of grieving a loss. Experiential
techniques are ways to bring emotional/psychological dynamics into a safe life experience
where it can be processed, explored and better understood and accepted.
II. Purpose of Experimental Techniques
A. To not only talk about grief but actually experience grief.
B. Help grievers to experience their pain in a safe environment (e.g., time and space).
C. Gives practical techniques to face into their pain/loss.
D. Can help with unresolved issues involving the person who died.
E. Can facilitate “saying goodbye.”
F. Helps relocate the deceased.
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III. First Session
A. Do not use experiential techniques right away. Let them tell you stories.
B. Ask them to bring pictures and other objects/symbols.
IV. Experiential Tool #1- Grief Styles - Grief Pattern Inventory
A. Understanding Grieving Styles:
1. Intuitive Grievers
2. Instrumental Grievers
(See the table on the next page for characteristics of Intuitive Grievers and
Instrumental Grievers)
3. Blended Grievers
Blended Grievers have elements common to both instrumental and intuitive
patterns, but with a general preference for one.
There are probably more blended grievers than intuitive or instrumental with
most leaning toward the intuitive side.
Since blended grievers express grief in a way characteristic to both patterns,
they benefit from a variety of adaptive strategies from which to select.
They may or may not have sufficiently developed adaptive strategies in both
areas.
Sudden and unexpected deaths seem to exert their greatest influence with
blended grievers as perception and interpretation of the loss play and
important factor.
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Instrumental Grievers Intuitive Grievers
Focus on cognition/moderated affect
Focus on affect over cognition
Brief periods of cognitive dysfunction are common
Longer term of cognitive impairment
A desire to master environment; a majority of grief energy is focused on problem-solving activity; planned activities as an adaptive strategy
Less likely to seek out potential problem and solve them; a majority of energy is focused on feelings; need time and space to feel emotions
Reluctant to talk about feelings
Feelings are intensely experienced
Grief is more of an intellectual experience Crying and lamenting mirror inner experience
May initially respond by explaining the circumstance of their losses rather than to affective cues
Grief expressed is a grief experienced
May experience grief physically as augmented energy and take form of restlessness or nervousness
Go with the experience of grief
Maybe unaware of internal arousal Feel disenfranchised as others do not accept their grief pattern
Intuitive; successful adaptive strategies facilitate the experience and expression of feelings Physical exhaustion and/or anxiety may result
Uncomfortable with strongly expressed emotions of others
Maybe unable or unwilling to distance themselves from feelings expressed by others
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B. Gender difference and individual differences
1. Not all women are intuitive grievers, and not all men are instrumental grievers.
C. Role-Play #1
V. Experiential Tool #2- Creating a Memorial
A. Funeral in our Culture
1. Provides an opportunity for mourning.
2. Allows those involved to remember the person who is lost.
3. Provides social support for the family.
4. A funeral in our culture does not support healthy grieving process (sooner &
shorter).
B. Purpose of Creating a Memorial
1. To help when there is not a funeral.
2. To go beyond a funeral.
3. To right a wrong/to bring justice.
4. To honor.
5. To remember.
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C. Types of Memorials
1. Online memorials/virtual memorials
2. Collages
3. Artwork
4. Event/Fundraiser/Organization
5. Planting/ Creating
6. Writing
D. Role Play #2
VI. Experiential Technique #3 - Books and Movies
A. The power of story
B. Types of assignments
1. Movies
2. Books
3. Poems
4. Scripture – Psalms
5. Music and Songs
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6. Other - Tear Soup - book and DVD
VII. Experiential Tool #4 - Saying Goodbye
A. Relocating what is lost to the past.
B. Don't rush people -everyone moves through grief at a different pace.
C. People may need to say goodbye more than once.
D. Help them understand that saying goodbye does not mean forgetting.
E. Goodbye Rituals.
F. Role Play # 3
VIII. Concluding Thoughts
Grieving is never over, but the intense pain and life consuming sadness diminishes and
changes with time. You must decide - with your coaching clients - when their need of
coaching assistance is over and they are ready to continue their journey alone. The tools
you teach them will serve them well as you have validated their experience and taught
them to grieve. The tools you have offered them will be a resource throughout their
lifetime with every loss they face.
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Bibliography/Reading List
Martin, T. L. & Doka, K.J. (2000). Men don't cry...women do: transcending gender stereotypes of
grief. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner/Mazel.
Schweibert, P., DeKlyen, C., & Bills, T. (2005). Tear soup: A recipe for healing after loss. (3rd ed).
Grief Watch.
Wright, H.N. (1993). Recovering from the losses of life. Grand Rapids, MI: Fleming H. Revell.
Various artists (2006). A healing journey through grief. [CD] Maranatha/Word entertainment
Arts in Experiential Therapy Films for Grief Recovery
Mitchell, J. C. (Director). (2010). Rabbit hole. United States
*Shadowlands (1994)
*Steel Magnolias (1989)
To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday (1996)
About Schmidt (2002)
*Signs (2002)
On Golden Pond (1981)
Brian's Song (1971, 2001)
City of Angels (1998)
Terms of Endearment (1983)
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A River Runs Through It (1992)
Message in a Bottle (1999)
Terms of Endearment (1983)
What Dreams May Come (1998)
Beaches (1988)
+Bridge to Terabithia (2007)
*The Five People You Meet in Heaven (2004)
Always (1989)
+*Up (2009)
The Secret Life of Bees (2008)
+Finding Neverland (2004)
+My Girl (1991)
An Unfinished Life (2005)
Ordinary People (1980)
The Bucket List (2007)
Catch and Release (2007)
*Reign Over Me (2007) - Traumatic Loss
*Personal favorite
+Appropriate for children
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MLCG 111:
Collateral Damage: Firestorms of Faith
Ken Nichols, Psy.D.
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Abstract
A life crisis varies in intensity and character. The impact of a life crisis ranges from disruptive to
devastating. The list of potential life-shattering crises is without noticeable boundaries. Family,
friends, and the local church saturate the suffering saint with practical help and spiritual
encouragement. What often goes undetected and unnoticed by compassionate caregivers is
the internal firestorm of faith. Almost without exception, a life crisis stirs up a potentially
catastrophic crisis of faith. Why me? Why this? Why now? So many wounded saints are in a
spiritual coma as a direct result of a faith crisis. Not only are they overwhelmed with the tragic
life crisis, they are disillusioned and filled with doubt about God. They still come to church and
are not outwardly rebellious. However, they marginalize their relationship with God to
“friendship” status. They no longer want to be warm and close to a God who can’t be trusted.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to identify the characteristics of a faith crisis.
2. Participants will be able to develop a care giving strategy that is based on the life-
changing power of an eternal perspective.
3. Participants will be able to apply biblical principles that provide hope, help, and healing
for someone in the firestorm of a faith crisis.
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I. Collateral Damage- Firestorms of Faith
A. Focus Questions
1. What are the core influences on how a person responds to a life crisis? Why do
they respond the way they do?
2. Why do some people become stronger in their faith while others abandon their
faith?
3. What can caregivers do to influence how a person responds to a life crisis?
4. Are there core biblical principles that provide confidence for the counselor and
courage for the counselee?
5. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
6. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
II. Principle #1: Understand the Difference between Life Crisis and Faith Crisis
A. Life Crisis
1. More important than the circumstance of life is our response to them.
B. Faith Crisis
1. A life crisis almost always precedes a faith crisis.
2. Uncomfortable talking about faith crisis: questions and doubts about God, His
power, and sovereignty.
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3. Psalm 77:1-4
4. Spiritual Coma
C. Practice Principles
1. The Bible teaches much more about how to respond to a crisis than it does on
how to prevent it.
2. You can’t choose your crisis but you can choose your response.
3. A faith crisis is like making a desperate call to God and getting no response.
4. Once you understand the difference between life crisis and faith crisis, then you
can help others to see them as caregivers.
III. Principle #2: Be Patient in the Recovery Process.
A. There is no “quick fix.”
B. Sincerely wrong--- Someone can be well intentioned, but wrongly try to hurry the
process.
C. God’s waiting room- don’t push people to be okay.
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D. Practical Principles
1. The waiting room is where faith grows from intellectual assent to confident
expectation.
2. Time in the waiting room is when we are at the greatest risk of a faith crisis.
IV. Principle #3: Power of Perspective
A. ALIVE acronym: Always Living In View of Eternity
1. It is our perspective that influences our responses.
B. Perspective of Fear
1. Every faith-stretching tragedy is saturated with some sense of fear.
2. Fear often limits our recovery.
3. “Fear not” is mentioned many times in the Bible.
4. Do not allow fear to disrupt how you see life.
5. The fear factor is when we look at life circumstances through the eyes of fear,
which are focused on the flesh (Focused on How Big Your Problem Is).
C. Perspective of Faith
1. The faith factor is when we look at life circumstances through the eyes of faith,
which are focused on the Father (Focused on How Big Your God Is).
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2. God’s Word influences perspective, perspective influences response, response
influences outcome 100% of the time.
3. Practice Principles
We can’t choose our life crisis but we can choose how to view it.
A biblical perspective of a life tragedy in no way insulates us from the reality
of the loss or the depth of pain.
V. Principle #4: Provision
A. Surviving a life crisis requires that we embrace the truth that God is who He says
He is and will do what He has promised to do.
B. God’s Promises
1. 2 Timothy 3:15-16
2. 2 Peter 1:2-3
3. Jeremiah 33:3
4. Jeremiah 32:37
5. Isaiah 12:2
6. Proverbs 3:5-6
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C. God’s Presence
1. The Holy Spirit is our comforter, encourager, & our helper.He is always there
with you.
2. Genesis 22:2- “Wait here, for we shall go up, we shall worship and we shall
return!”
D. Practice Principles
1. Biblical faith is not “wishful thinking.” It is a confident expectation that God is
who He says He is and will do what He has promised to do.
2. God is faithful to us even when we don’t have faith in Him.
VI. Concluding Thoughts
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MLCG 112:
Choosing Joy in Life’s Darkest Moments
Gary Oliver, Th.M., Ph.D.
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Abstract
Loss and grief can discourage anyone. However, no matter how hard the situation is, God
teaches us that we can still choose joy. In fact, there are more than 200 Scriptural references on
joy. Christ's primary teaching objective was for His followers to have joy in life. In this lecture,
Dr. Gary Oliver explores the biblical understanding of joy and makes clear distinctions between
joy and happiness. He further presents the practical ways of choosing joy in the midst of the
difficult reality of life.
Learning Objectives
1. Participants will be able to differentiate joy from happiness.
2. Participants will gain a biblical understanding of joy and its life application.
3. Participants will develop a coaching strategy that helps clients’ awareness of God’s
presence and enables clients to choose joy even in the midst of hard times.
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I. What Does God Say About Joy?
A. During dark and difficult times, God teaches that you can still choose joy.
B. The words “joy”, “joyous”, or “joyful” are found over 200 times in scripture. The
word “rejoice” appear more than 200 times.
1. Psalm 16:11
2. Psalm 30:5
3. John 15:11
4. John 16:20
II. Differences between Happiness and Joy
A. Happiness is dependent on what happens to us.
1. Happiness means elevation of mood.
2. Root word of “Happiness” is chance.
3. Happiness is circumstantial.
B. Joy is completely independent of all of the chances and changes of life.
1. Joy does not anesthetize us from reality.
2. Joy helps us see what is going on with a greater reality.
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3. Joy shows up in the midst of difficult times.
4. Biblical references
Romans 3:3
Hebrews 12:2
James 1:2-4
III. Joy is Awareness of God’s Power and Presence
A. Joyful people understand the hard reality of life, but they are not imprisoned by it.
1. They are those whose lives are determined by how people treat them; by what
happens to them; and by their circumstances.
2. They are people who are impacted by their circumstances, but it does not
determine their joy.
IV. Four Choices God has Taught That Will Lead to Choosing Joy
A. Choose to set your mind on things above.
1. Fear is the # 1 thief of joy.
2. Fear can victimize us, paralyze, and control us.
B. Choose to count your blessings and be thankful.
1. Joy is harder to express than sadness.
2. Be thankful for what you have.
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C. Choose to claim God’s promises.
1. God’s promises are more powerful than Satan’s pessimism.
2. A problem focus leads to fear; a promise focus leads to faith; and faith gives us
hope.
3. Hope allows us to see things from God’s perspective.
4. When you step through fear and into faith, amazing things will happen.
D. Choose to obey and act on what you know to be true.
1. Joy is more than a mood.
2. A victorious Christian life is a life beyond moods.
3. Bad moods happen, but joy is a choice.
4. Choosing joy means what is real, what is more reliable, and what is more
trustworthy.
5. In God’s world, joy and sorrow are not exclusive.
V. Concluding Thoughts
A. Information + inspiration without application leads to frustration and desperation.
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B. Information + inspiration with application leads to transformation and this is what
God wants to do in our hearts and lives.
C. God may not choose to change a situation, but He may choose to change you in a
situation.
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Appendices
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Life Coaching Agreement
DWIGHT BAIN, CERTIFIED LIFE COACH, NCC, CFLM www.dwightbain.com (407) 647-3900 Fax: (407) 647-8874
Client Name: Date of Agreement:
CONTACT & GENERAL INFORMATION: Address: City: State: Zip: Home # Work# x: Cell# Date of Birth: Email: Age: Married: Single: Divorced: # of children: Webpage: www. Company name: Title: Referred by:
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CLIENT INFORMATION: Background Information you would like the coach to know: Personal Accomplishments: Calendar of Available Time for coaching: (Days/weeks/hours)
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Projected time frame that you would like to accomplish your goals: Primary Known Objectives that you would like to address: What would you like your Coach’s specific role to be?
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COACHING AGREEMENT
COOPERATION
It is assumed that both parties will be in full cooperation with each other in regards to the agreed upon coaching objectives. Neither party will withhold important information, which would benefit the coaching process, nor will either party act in any manner which would interfere with facilitation of the coaching goals in a timely manner.
Fees Coaching fees are based on the services provided. We will meet and have follow-up sessions until you feel that you have accomplished your personal and professional goals. The fee schedule is $________per hour, with no retainer or long-term contract. (Emails are always available between visits.) 24-hour notice is requested for cancellation of a coaching session. “No-shows” will be billed at the scheduled hourly rate. We will talk as often as needed in accomplishing your goals, typically on the telephone. If possible and necessary to enhance your performance, we will schedule to meet in person. Helping you achieve greater success is always our primary objective.
CONFIDENTIALITY
Confidentiality and protection of intellectual property is mutually agreed to be protected by this contract of agreement. Both parties agree that all data, information and work completed during the course of life coaching will remain confidential. No information or materials will be shared with outside sources or other people regarding the work of either party, except with express written permission of both parties.
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MODIFICATIONS AND EVALUATIONS
Either party may modify this contract at any time it becomes apparent that modification is needed. The coach agrees to advise and influence ideas and action however the client is always the final decision maker in the coaching process. Both parties agree to re-evaluate this contract every _________ days/weeks/months, (circle one). Client Signature Date Coach Signature Date
©2008, www.DwightBain.com permission granted to personalize this coaching tool for your own coaching practice and then reproduce it providing this disclaimer is not
removed.
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Copyright 2011 AACC
All Rights Reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the expressed written
permission of the American Association of Christian Counselors.
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Member Services: 1-800-526-8673