Grief and lossGrief and loss

Dr Fariba ArabgolDr Fariba Arabgol

Child & Adolescent PsychiatristChild & Adolescent Psychiatrist

Shahid Beheshti University of Medical ScienceShahid Beheshti University of Medical Science

Facts about children’s griefFacts about children’s grief

DeathDeath DivorceDivorce Sexual abuseSexual abuse RelocationRelocation Exposure to violanceExposure to violance

Childhood lossChildhood loss

Loss of relationshipsLoss of relationships Loss of external objectsLoss of external objects Loss of self Loss of self Loss related to skills & Abilities Loss related to skills & Abilities Loss related to habitsLoss related to habits Loss in the environmentLoss in the environment

Myth of GriefMyth of Grief

Adults can instantly give explanations to Adults can instantly give explanations to children about death and spirituality.children about death and spirituality.

The grief of adults dose not impact on the The grief of adults dose not impact on the bereaved child .bereaved child .

Adults should avoid topics that cause a child to Adults should avoid topics that cause a child to cry.cry.

An active ,playing child is not a grieving child.An active ,playing child is not a grieving child.

Myth of GriefMyth of Grief

Parents, educators &…. Always are prepared Parents, educators &…. Always are prepared & qualified to give explanations & & qualified to give explanations & clarifications regarding loss & grief.clarifications regarding loss & grief.

Children need to( get over )their grief and Children need to( get over )their grief and move on .move on .

Children are better off not attending funerals.Children are better off not attending funerals.

Myth of GriefMyth of Grief

Infants and toddlers are too young to grieveInfants and toddlers are too young to grieve

Four Psychological Tasks of Grief Four Psychological Tasks of Grief WorkWork

UnderstandingUnderstanding

GrievingGrieving

CommemoratingCommemorating

Going on Going on

UnderstandingUnderstanding- Magical thinking - Magical thinking -Common cliches :-Common cliches : 1/ Sara lost her mother 1/ Sara lost her mother 2/ Dad went on a long trip2/ Dad went on a long trip 3/It is God’s will or God took him3/It is God’s will or God took him because he is so goodbecause he is so good 4/ He went to sleep last night4/ He went to sleep last night 5/she is watching you in heaven (so you 5/she is watching you in heaven (so you better be good)better be good)

UnderstandingUnderstanding

Age : 0 - 2Age : 0 - 2

Age : 2 – 7Age : 2 – 7

Age: 7 – 12Age: 7 – 12

Age : 13 & upAge : 13 & up

GrievingGrieving

Shock & denial Shock & denial Searching & yearningSearching & yearning Disorganization & despairDisorganization & despair Rebuilding & healingRebuilding & healing

CommemoratingCommemorating

Children need to establish ways to remember Children need to establish ways to remember the person or animal that died.the person or animal that died.

Involve kids in formal and informal ways to Involve kids in formal and informal ways to commemoratecommemorate

Formal:Formal: Informal :Informal :

Going onGoing on

Kids can begin to risk loving again and Kids can begin to risk loving again and enjoying life .enjoying life .

This dose not mean forgetting the person This dose not mean forgetting the person who’s gone .who’s gone .

Techniques for Grief WorkTechniques for Grief Work

Identify feelingsIdentify feelings : anger ,panic ,denial, guilt, : anger ,panic ,denial, guilt, withdrawal…..withdrawal…..

Grief resolution techniquesGrief resolution techniques : story telling, : story telling, letter writhing , poetry , memory books, letter writhing , poetry , memory books, drawing, picturedrawing, picture................

Children’s questions and answering them:Children’s questions and answering them:

Children’s QuestionsChildren’s Questions

Questions for GodQuestions for God Q……. For a mom that diedQ……. For a mom that died Q……..about forgettingQ……..about forgetting Q……..about clichesQ……..about cliches Q……. about closureQ……. about closure Q……about secrecyQ……about secrecy Q ……about factsQ ……about facts Q…….about the inability to grieve openly Q…….about the inability to grieve openly

Children’s QuestionsChildren’s Questions

Q… about dyingQ… about dying Q….about magical thinkingQ….about magical thinking Q….about heavenQ….about heaven Q….about safetyQ….about safety