grief & loss: the school counselor’s guide lacee tolliver
TRANSCRIPT
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Grief & Loss:The School Counselor’s Guide
Lacee Tolliver
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Objectives
• Common causes of childhood grief and loss• Developmental factors• Identify normal and complicated reactions to
loss and bereavement • Personal and cultural factors• Role of the school counselor• Interventions
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Reflect
• Think about what you know already know about children & grief
• What are common messages we hear about children & grief?
• What questions do you have?
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DefinitionsLoss
The disappearance of something cherished, such as a person, possession or pet.
GriefThe normal, multifaceted response to a loss. Can include emotional, cognitive, physical, behavioral and social components.
BereavementThe process of adjusting to a loss.
MourningThe culturally structured response to grief.
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Historical Perspective
• Kubler-Ross 5 stages of grief• Berger’s 5 identities of griever• Freud• Bonanno’s 4 trajectories of grief
Resilience- most common reactionRecovery-symptoms of intense grief for short periodChronic dysfunction-prolonged sufferingDelayed grief-adjustment seems normal, but it then turns into recovery or chronic dysfunction after several months
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The Statistics
• Of high school juniors and seniors…..90% have experienced grief related to death40% have experienced the death of a friend20% have witnessed a death
•1 in 20 children under the age of 15 will lose a parent•Most will get information about death & dying from
parents (Parent education)
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Causes
• Individuals experience grief for many different reasons
• Death of a parent, grandparent, sibling, other family member or friend
• Death of a pet• Parent’s divorce or move• Do not delegitimize the student’s losses
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Influenced by…
Social supports Circumstances Relationship
Previous experiences
Emotional & Developmental
ageCulture
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Responses
Varies across developmental stage
Ages 4-7 Ages 7-11 Ages 12-18
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Responses for 4-7 year olds• Concept of Death:
Reversible, personification of death. Feeling of responsibility because of wishes and thoughts. Common statements: “It’s my fault. I was mad and wished she’d die.
• Grief Response:More verbalization. Concerned with process. How? Why? Repetitive questioning. May act as though nothing has happened. General distress and confusion.
• Signs of Distress:Regression: nightmares, sleeping and eating disturbed. Possible violent play. Attempts to take on role of person who died
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Responses
Varies across developmental stage
Ages 4-7 Ages 7-11 Ages 12-18
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Responses for 7-11 year olds• Concept of Death:
Death seen as punishment. Fear of bodily harm and mutilation. This is a difficult transition period, still wanting to see death as reversible but beginning to see it as final. Do not think it could happen to anyone they know.
• Grief Response:Specific questions. Desire for complete detail. Concerned with how others are responding. What is the right way to respond? Starting to have ability to mourn and understand mourning.
• Signs of Distress:Regression: school problems, withdrawal from friends. Acting out. Sleeping and eating disturbed. Overwhelming concern with body. Death thoughts (desire to join one who died). Role confusion.
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Responses
Varies across developmental stage
Ages 4-7 Ages 7-11 Ages 12-18
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Responses for 12-18 year olds
• Concept of Death:A more “adult” approach. Ability to abstract. Beginning to conceptualize death. Work at making sense of things.
• Grief Response:Extreme sadness. Denial. Regression. More often willing to talk to people outside of family and peer support. Risk taking. Traditional mourning.
• Signs of Distress:Depression. Anger often towards parents. Suicidal thoughts. Non-compliance. Rejection of former teaching. Role confusion. Acting out.
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Complicated Grief
• Complicated grief may require more intense counseling, outside referral
Traumatic loss
Intensity & Duration
Functional decline
Total denial
PTSD type reactions
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Influenced by…
Social supports Circumstances Relationship
Previous experiences
Emotional & Developmental
ageCulture
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Cultural Factors
• Mourning looks different from culture to culture
• Socio-cultural• Ethnic• Religious/philosophical • Afterlife, burial rites, expected attitudes of
loved ones, gender differences, how to tell children
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Exploring personal reactions
• Sensitive topic• People often avoid thinking about it• Must know our own attitudes and fears• Consider how this might impact your work
with grieving students
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ASCA National Model
• IV-A-9. Providing responsive services, including grief and bereavement
• IV-B-3c. Demonstrates an ability to provide counseling for students during times of transition, separation, heightened stress and critical change
• IV-C-2. School counselors coordinate and facilitate counseling and other services to ensure all students receive the care they need, even though school counselors may not personally provide the care themselves
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What is our purpose?
• Grief is a natural process• Most will eventually be fine• Current research focusing on limitations of
grief counseling & potentially harmful effects• Although we are not grief counselors, what
can we do?• Support the child at school
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In the school...
• Before a student returns after a traumatic lossTalk with the studentTalk with the parent, if possibleTalk with the classProvide a way for students to reach out to their friend
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In the school...
• School wideLet teachers know what to expect & what they can doBe available for teacher supportEncourage routineProvide both structure and flexibilitySet and enforce limitsDo not act as if nothing happened
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Ages 4-7
• Art projects and drawings• Balloon with a message• Books: When Dinosaurs Die, Badger’s Parting
Gifts
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Interventions
Varies across developmental stage
Ages 4-7 Ages 7-11 Ages 12-18
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Ages 7-11
• Acrostic poems• Colleges• GTI- supported by research, $28• Relaxation techniques
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Interventions
Varies across developmental stage
Ages 4-7 Ages 7-11 Ages 12-18
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Ages 12-18
• Wordle• Journaling/letter writing• Inside/outside art activity• Books-for lots of situations• When you get angry/sad cards
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Remember…
• Grief and loss are unique for each individual• School counselors role is to help support
student at school, connect to resources, identify complicated responses to grief
• Questions, comments, discussion?
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Resources
• http://www.childrengrieve.org/• http://childgrief.org/childgrief.htm• http://www.dougy.org/ • https://www.childrengrieve.org/sites/default/
files/C7%20Clinical%20Grief%20Activities%20booklet%20handout.pdf