™

wagwordstickle your funny bone

™

more than just a crossword, it’s a w a g w o r d ™

Written by Philip Redhead | Illustrated by Christina Miesen

Got a sense of humor?Solve a wagword*

and see!

*A wagword is a missing word that’s usually a punchline to a joke.

wagwordstickle your funny bone

™

Contents

Wagwords™ crossword Inside dustcover

Extra wagwords™ clue list Blue dustcover pagesThese additional clues help solve every wagword™

Regular clue list Yellow dustcover pagesThese clues help solve more wagwords™ and help complete the crossword

Chapters 1 to 12 - Grizbut and the Amazonians Pages 1 to 99

Answers Pages 100 to 103

Wagword page index Pages 104 to 105 This index shows the page location of every wagword™ in the book

Thanks & references Page 106

Spare crossword grids Back of book

For the completed crossword, visit www.wagwords.com

Grizbut and the Amazonians© Philip Redhead 2008First published 2010 by Fun Dog PublishingPO Box 475, Heidelberg, Victoria, Australia 3084

National Library of AustraliaCataloguing-in-Publication data: Grizbut and the AmazoniansISBN: 978-0-9806504-0-2Book and cover design: U-bahn designEditors: Suzanne Male / Melita Granger (www.writeandedit.com.au)

Grizbut and the Amazonians, wagwords™ and all trademarks within are the sole copyright of Fun Dog Publishing. Printed and bound in China at Everbest Printing Co.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication, including cover design, text page design and icons, may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder and Fun Dog Publishing.

Enjoy the book, have a laugh,

solve the wagwords . . .do the crossword!

more than just a crossword, it’s a w a g w o r d ™

Instructions

If needed, all answers are at the back of the book.

There are missing words throughout

the book to be solved. These are called wagwords™.

1 E Y E

E Y E

To help solve the wagwords™,there

are extra wagword clues on the blue dustcover pages.

2 410 Recycled toilet paper411 Used for seeing412 Lord why? island

3Once solved,

wagwords™ can also be added to

the crossword inside the dustcover.

E Y E

4 ...and to complete the rest of the crossword, use the regular clues on the dustcover’s yellow pages.

| Page 2Chapter One

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away, was a galaxy that time, the world, and a guy called Roger

had forgotten. In this distant galaxy a dark empire ruled from aboard a fearful weapon. It was called

the Death Stare, and it could destroy a planet just by giving it the 261 Across cccc 411 Across

ccc .

The Death Stare was commanded by the dreaded Lord Spader, and when he wasn’t crushing

rebellions or having fatherhood issues, he taught pre-schoolers to read. Lord Spader’s class was always obedient. Especially after what had happened when he found fresh

mint 332 Across ccccccc 82 Across

ccc stuck under a desk. Spader failed to find anyone

with minty breath so he used D.N.A. to track down the instigators. He then ruthlessly crushed that

rebellion. The Emperor was pleased.

We join Lord Spader at the start of his weekly class as he addresses the kids. After taking a puff of

his asthma inhaler, Lord Spader starts to tell a tale of adventure and heroics…..

For Len Redhead

| Page 73Chapter Ten

| Page 74Chapter Ten

Nightly entertainment was provided as part of the Golympicus Games’ festivities. Tonight was the

big finale to a talent show called Amazonian Idol. The final featured four contestants. Grizbut was

the guest judge, and Lunii was the flute-playing M.C. Of the finalists, the most interesting was the

opener. It was Cor, Grizbut’s ex. They hadn’t crossed paths since breaking up and Lunii expected

some sort of fireworks. Sure enough, something happened.

Cor had finished a can of drink. He then casually put the empty can on the judge’s table, right

under Grizbut’s nose. It was his reminder of the can he’d left in her garden to disturb her sleep.

As he walked away, he looked back at her with a cocky grin. The look Grizbut gave him in return

was pure ice.

Lunii got the ball rolling with some fine flute playing, followed by an introduction in which she

shared some of the show’s history. The crowd listened, enthralled. “One of the things most people

like about these shows are the puns,” she said. “These usually get a laugh – or a groan. It hasn’t

always been so. In the very first show we had ten contestants who each managed to have a pun in

their performances. You would think at least one would get a laugh, wouldn’t you? But sadly,

133 Down

cc 456 Down

ccc 215 Across

cccccccc .”

Lunii introduced Contestant One. “Our first contestant is a merchant and amateur comedian.

Born the youngest of fifteen children, he overcame many obstacles to achieve the success he now

enjoys. For instance, growing up he was forced to wear hand-me-downs as a child.

Which wasn’t so bad – except he had only 253 Across

ccccccc .”

The crowd continued to laugh as Lunii peppered her introduction with gags. When Cor finally

stood on stage, thanks to Lunii, he was given a rousing welcome.

“What Lunii says is true,” Cor addressed the crowd. “Like you all I have had to overcome obstacles.

For example, in my younger days one of my first challenges was to turn a rundown inn into a success.”

| Page 75Chapter Ten

“The place I bought was called the Stradivarius. I picked it up really cheaply because it was the

most 166 Across

cccc 440 Down

ccc around and no one drank there. The first thing I did was

give it a makeover and re-launch. Still, hardly anyone came, and no matter what I did, no one

wanted to drink there. I was going broke – till I got a lucky break.” He paused as he recalled.

“One night a grasshopper came in and sat at the bar. I was shocked. The first thing I said to him

was, ‘Do you know we have a drink named after you?’

‘You have a drink called 480 Down

ccc ?’ the grasshopper replied.

That night I made the grasshopper my partner and we renamed the inn ‘Ted’s’. Ted became one

of the barman and people flocked to see him. The business then boomed, bringing all sorts of

customers, some of them quite interesting.

“One night we had a short guy order two ‘gaggle of gears’ for him and his mate. He then spent the

night on his big mate’s lap. It was so weird. Plus he literally didn’t know how to drink – everything

he drank he spilled down his front. The big guy spilled a lot too, especially when his little mate was

telling a joke. Gee, the little guy was funny, a real wag. He did a trick where he’d spin his head 360

degrees. It was hilarious – until his head popped off and bounced into the dessert buffet, destroying

the parfait. It was horrible – there was splattered jelly and custard everywhere. Oh, the inhumanity!

It was about then we realized the big guy was a 291 Down

ccccccccccccc .

Another odd customer we had was a doctor who had a routine he liked to meticulously follow.

Every night precisely at 6 o’clock when he arrived, Dick, our other barman, had to have a chilled

daiquiri ready and waiting. It would be exotically flavored with dockory, a rare and expensive

herb. The doctor would drink it and leave, never uttering a word – until the day the bar ran out of

dockory, forcing the barman to substitute an alternative exotic flavor. He didn’t tell the doctor,

who immediately queried the barman after tasting it.

‘Is this a dockory daiquiri, Dick?’

‘No, it’s a 140 Across

ccccccc 506 Across

cccccccc 218 Down

ccc ,’

the barman replied.”

Cor went on to share other stories that endeared

him greatly. Even Grizbut became spellbound

by his charm, and for a nano second she

regretted they were now apart. No one

noticed her admiration except Lunii. Cor was

given a massive applause when he finished.

| Page 76Chapter Ten

After an interlude on her flute, Lunii introduced Contestant Two. “Our next finalist is Grandma

Astore. In her spare time she does aerobics, collects relics (like her husband) and enjoys romantic

walks in the rain – with her favorite relic. Previously, she’s been an archaeologist, but eventually had

to give it away. She’d become tired of people always asking the question, ‘What’s it like to have a

469 Across

cccccc cc ccccc ?’” The crowd groaned.

When Lunii handed the stage over to Grandma Astore, it took the fragile senior citizen a minute to

walk on stage. The crowd clapped the effort. “Tonight,” she said in a frail voice,

“I have a verse with a joke and a pun. I call it:

ROVER’S FALL FROM CLOVER

A silly young man called Rover

Lived like Reilly in clover.

His life was a lucky charm,

Till the day it all went wrong

At the pub: The Horseless Drover.

It began when the publican called Klaus

Said drinks were on the house,

So Rover being a goof,

Climbed up upon on the roof,

To find no drinks were on the 139 Across

ccccc – at all!

In the bar with his pal Frank,

They laughed and joked and drank.

Drinking spirits, beer and wine,

They had a rowdy rollicking time,

Until Rover did a foolish prank.

Witnessed by the owner’s sober wife,

She sensed trouble and impending strife,

So she called a bouncer to the scene,

A muscular man dressed in green,

Who sent Rover running for his life.

So here’s the wisdom of the man called Rover,

It warns about his fall from clover:

Don’t enter a pub 339 Down

cccccccccccccc ,

For you may exit misty optically

And awaken truly hung-over.”

The crowd enthusiastically clapped the grandma’s effort as she hobbled off.

| Page 77Chapter Ten

Contestant Three was a professional comic who was supported by quite a vocal entourage.

Standing center stage with a brightly colored salamander sitting on his shoulder, Winstone launched

into a caustic routine. But he was about to regret his choice of opening target.

“So what’s the story with the last contestant?” he said, looking puzzled. “Talk about OLD.

She’s so old she sits in a 348 Down

ccccccc chair – and can’t get it started. Her idea of

weightlifting ... is standing 255 Down

cc . She thinks quiche…”

Before he could finish, Grandma Astore had hobbled again on to the stage and was threatening

Winstone with her umbrella. “I didn’t come here to be insulted!” she shouted.

“Where do you usually 172 Down

cc ?” quipped Winstone.

The crowd guffawed.

Something snapped in Astore. In an instance, she transformed from frail mild-mannered senior

citizen to psycho-granny. She brought the umbrella down hard on Winstone’s head.

He saw stars and fell to the ground.

The crowd was stunned. Grandma was a nutter.

“If I was your wife, I’d 227 Down

cccccc you!” she shrieked like a banshee, as she rained

umbrella blows.

“Right now,” yelped Winstone, protecting himself, “if I was your husband – I’d drink it.”

As Grandma Astore was being dragged away by security, Winstone resumed his routine,

though he did get interrupted one more time.

“Is that a semi-aquatic salamander on your shoulder?” asked an audience member.

“Yeah,” said Winstone, “I call him ‘Tiny’.”

“Why’s that?” the woman asked.

“Because he’s my 376 Across

cccc .”

The crowd groaned. When he finished his act,

Winstone was politely clapped off.

The last contestant, a nineteen-year-old Amazonian,

nearly didn’t appear after having an accident in

rehearsal. She’d hurt an arm and leg which Grizbut

was able to swiftly bandage. This allowed young

Heidicur to perform, though she still required

assistance to go up on stage. Once there, she

looked very hip wearing her sunglasses at night.

It was very show-biz and immediately captured

the crowd’s curiosity.

| Page 78Chapter Ten

Heidicur picked up a sword and a coin for all to see with her good arm. Silently she placed the coin

on the top of her head. Then, still using her good arm, she pointed the sword to the sky.

For a second the crowd was spellbound as she held her call-to-arms pose. When she finally broke her

silence, it was with the force of a great warrior. “Behold!” she roared to the crowd.

“The Sword of 304 Down

cccccccc !” She then flung the sword straight up into the air in

front of the stunned crowd. After rising, the sword started to return like a spear, to where Heidicur

stood. Heidicur didn’t flinch. The crowd watched on horrified – still Heidicur didn’t move.

Just as Heidicur was about to become a human skewer, she moved her head slightly and the sword’s tip

landed on the coin, where it stopped. Heidicur immediately moved to keep the sword balanced there.

As the sword hovered precariously on her head, the crowd roared their approval. But the act wasn’t over.

As she balanced the sword on her head, Heidicur said, “Now for a fun little verse titled:

THE TALE OF JACK, THE BARN-YARD ELF

Jack, the barn-yard elf,

Went to the place of Warlord Wennt,

An evil corporate raider,

Who lived inside a tent.

Breaking in, he found some cheese

And a glorious vintage wine,

So Jack filled his stomach.

The tastes were so divine.

When Warlord Wennt appeared,

Catching Jack in the act,

The elf did a dance.

It’s strange how some react.

Though there was an investigation

By Sherlock Holmes himself,

Nothing was ever heard of

Jack, the barn-yard elf.

Now, the message of this tale is:

Don’t steal from Warlord Wennt,

For if he finds you in his home,

It will be 234 Down

cccccc 87 Across

cccccc 167 Across

cccc .”

With her performance over, Heidicur flicked her head and the sword fell harmlessly to spear

the floor. Uplifted by her performance, the crowd exploded into deafening applause.

| Page 79Chapter Ten

“Wow,” enthused Grizbut, appearing beside Heidicur. “Tonight’s judging has just been made easy.

But before I announce the winner, I have a special award to give.” She paused and then with a

straight face said, “On behalf of the comedian Winstone, I award a

355 Across

ccccccccccc ccccc against Grandma Astore. After what we

saw, I don’t know if Winstone is safe without it.” Grizbut drew in her energy, and then announced

with relish, “But tonight the winner is…” She stopped for dramatic effect.

“Heidicur! Let’s hear it for her amazing performance!”

As Heidicur accepted her trophy, the crowd stood and clapped, though not everyone did.

Tina Frawlus, part of Winstone’s entourage and his agent, was so upset her client didn’t win,

she was crying. Winstone consoled her off stage.

“Don’t 478 Down

ccc for 204 Down

cc agent 216 Down

cccc ,” he gently soothed. She quickly

regained her composure and joined in the applause.

“You know,” Grizbut said earnestly to the crowd as they quietened, “Contestant One mentioned

overcoming obstacles. No person has had as many hurdles as our winner, Heidicur. Then on top of

that, she badly hurt her arm and leg an hour ago, yet still managed to perform. I think it’s amazing.”

Tears welled in Grizbut’s eyes. “It just tells me all things are possible. As long as a person believes,

nothing is impossible to achieve.” She paused for dramatic effect again then repeated sincerely,

“Nothing.”

The crowd fell silent – for a moment. “Crap!” shouted a guy as he stood up. It was the trader called

Bort from the tribe of Mull, a glass-half-empty guy with an opinion about everything. “Crap!”

he repeated. “Everything is possible… Hah! If you’re right, how come pigs don’t fly?”

Some in the crowd laughed. Grizbut didn’t appreciate the sarcasm and gave him a look.

Bort reacted. “Okay, oh Wise One,” he said sarcastically, “If you believe everything is possible,

how come in the last ten Golympicus Games your tribe hasn’t won the archery? NOT ONCE.”

He stared defiantly at Grizbut.

| Page 80Chapter Ten

It was true. For the past ten years Maggor the trader was undefeated

in the archery. “As I said, all things are possible,” Grizbut said,

not backing down, now looking at Maggor in the audience.

“I could train ANYONE to defeat the current champion archer.”

Maggor leapt to his feet. “You pathetic woman,” he said,

“I’ll take on anyone you wish, and crush them into dust.”

Grizbut’s temper flared. “Okay, I’ll train someone to challenge you.”

Maggor snarled. He then saw an opportunity. “Plus, let’s have five thousand dollars on the result.”

The Wise One shook her head. “It is undignified for a tribal chief to bet.”

Maggor scornfully laughed. “Put your money where your mouth is, you gutless female.”

He was being incredibly disrespectful. Grizbut was now white with rage but remained silent – but

not Lunii. She leapt to her friend’s defence and stormed over to Maggor.

“I’ll bet you. But let’s make it a hundred thousand dollars, shall we?” Lunii finished with a taunt,

“Is that big enough for you, Maggor?”

The crowd watched on, stunned, as Maggor silently thought about her offer. Such an amount was

all his fortune. He then saw a way to foolproof the bet and replied smugly, “Grizbut said she could

train anyone. So I’ll take your bet, Lunii, providing I get to choose the person Grizbut trains.”

“Only if I get to play my flute,” replied Lunii.

Everyone stared at Lunii like she had a screw loose.

“Done,” scoffed Maggor.

Lunii and Maggor turned to Grizbut to see if she agreed with what they had decided. “Fine.”

Grizbut was terse, clearly unhappy with the way Lunii had upped the ante. She reluctantly finalized

the details. “To give you both time to get your wager money, we’ll meet here midday on the last day

of the games. I’ll announce the contest time then.”

“What!” said Maggor, annoyed. “Who said you get to decide the contest time?”

Gesturing to the audience, Grizbut said, “I think people will want to see this. Won’t you?”

The crowd boisterously agreed.

“So we’ll need to fit the contest into the games’ schedule, which is already tight. So if you’re

agreeable, can I choose the time?”

“Fine then,” agreed Maggor, then smirked, “As long as I still pick my competitor.”

“Of course,” Grizbut said. “Tell me, who am I training for this contest?”

With a sneer on his face, Maggor pointed to his choice. “I choose Heidicur.”

A wave of revulsion hit the crowd as they realized the cowardly reason behind Maggor’s choice.

The reason was simple: Heidicur was 16 Down

ccccc .

| Page 110Chapter One

Enjoy the book, have a laugh,

solve the wagwords . . .do the crossword!

Grizbut and the Amazonians is the humorous story of Grizbut, a hip Amazonian woman with supreme perception and power.

An expert in The Old Ways of her tribe, she is a worthy match for all who dare cross her path.

Will Grizbut be able to peacefully lead her tribe while hosting the Golympicus Games? Will the evil Maggor get the better of the Amazonians? Will Lord Spader vaporize one child too many?

As Grizbut’s wit is tested, so too is the reader’s by solving the missing wagwords™*.

So if you’ve got a sense of humor and enjoy a laugh, grab a pen and let your wagwords™ journey begin!

*A wagword™ is a missing word that’s usually a punchline to a joke.

$26.

95 A

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/ £

13.9

5 U

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9.95

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/ ¤

16.9

5 EU

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For more information on wagwords™ and the Grizbut series, visit www.wagwords.com