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Positive Coping Strategies
Be at Your Best in Times of
Stress
Presented by Dave Neely www.neely-training.com
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Positive Coping Strategies
Purpose The purpose of this session is to
increase your ability to deal with stressful situations.
Expected outcome
• Better understand your natural behaviours
• Manage your emotions to be more effective
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Process
1. Setting the Stage • Common Industry Stressors
2. Understanding Yourself
• The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things)
• Tendencies when stressed
• Driving Forces (WHY you do things)
3. Emotional Intelligence
• Emotional Mirroring
• EI Competencies
4. Summary
The Attitude Viruses Positive
Looks at what’s right, tries to improve things
Negative Looks at what’s wrong,
dwells on the past
Which Virus do you want to spread?
INDUSTRY STRESSORS 1. Manpower Effort/Engagement
- Attendance, Tardiness, Turnover - Personal issues brought to work
2. Customer Expectations - Want it now generation – Cell phone interruptions/abuse - “Experts” due to internet
3. Scheduling - Product availability, manpower
- Seasonal time restraints 4. Weather – Affect on employees productivity/attendance
- Too hot, too cold, too wet, too nice - Customer’s misunderstanding weather impact on jobsite
5. Cash Flow – Chasing Receivables - Dealers from Contractors - Contractors from Builders/Homeowners `
Your Circle of Influence
Your Circle of Concern
Within your Circle of Influence are things that you can truly make an impact on. Within your Circle of Concern are things that you care about but cannot make an impact on directly. 110
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2. Understanding Yourself
• The DISC Behavioural Model (How)
• Tendencies when stressed
• Driving Forces (Why)
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Introverted
Task & Thinking Oriented
Feelings & Relations Oriented
Extroverted
C
I S
D Compliance - Constraints Dominance - Driver
Submission - Steadiness Inducement - Influence
D = How you respond to problems and challenges I = How you influence other people to your point of view S = How you respond to the pace of the environment C = How you respond to rules and procedures set by others
All people exhibit all four behavioural factors in varying degrees!
Behavioural Styles
Identify your Behavioural Style Choose 6 words from the list below that best describe you Decisive Expressive Amiable Analytical Determined Generous Loyal Diplomatic Forceful Enthusiastic Systematic Courteous Risk Taker Friendly Reliable Conservative Independent Demonstrative Steady Exacting Daring Talkative Relaxed Careful Competitive Trusting Team Player Systematic Choose 2 words below that might describe you under stress Pushy Manipulative Wishy-washy Stuffy Harsh Excitable Conforming Critical Overpowering Undisciplined Dependent Indecisive Uncaring Egotistical Submissive Picky D I S C
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Precise Accurate
Concern for Quality Critical Listener
Non-Verbal Communicator Attention to Detail
Creative Slow Start / Fast Finish
Vacillating Temperamental
Competitive Confrontational
Direct Results-Oriented Sense of Urgency
Change Agent
Accommodating Dislikes Confrontation
Persistent Controls Emotion
Adaptable Good Listener
Good Supporter Team Player Persistent
Cooperative Sensitive to Others’ Feelings
High Trust Level Not Fearful of Change
Contactability Rather Talk than Listen
Verbal Skills Projects Self-Confidence
Process-Oriented Quick to Change
Independent Optimistic
Product-Oriented Slow to Change Self-Disciplined
Pessimistic
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❐ Descriptors: • Direct, Daring, Forceful, Innovative, Blunt, Decisive • Competitive, Strong-willed, Bold, Results-oriented • Domineering, Aggressive, Goal-Oriented, Quick • Demanding, Impatient, Problem Solver, Risk Taker • Inquisitive, Self-Starter, Adventuresome, Ambitious
❐ Emotion of the “D” Factor: ANGER
• Tend to be quick to anger • Has a “short fuse” • Recognize by observing the intensity of D’s anger
emotion
The High D
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❐ Descriptors: • Passive, Mild, Sincere, Possessive, Inactive • Non-demonstrative, Amiable, Friendly, Team
Player • Steady, Systematic, Patient, Predictable • Serene, Complacent, Relaxed, Deliberate • Stable, Understanding, Good Listener
❐ Emotion of the “S” Factor:
NONEMOTIONAL • Very emotional, yet they “mask” their emotions • Non-expressive, can build a team despite their
own personal turmoil
The High S
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❐ Descriptors: • Enthusiastic, Persuasive, Emotional, Trusting • Affable, Generous, Charming, Convincing • Personable, Popular, Inspiring, Optimistic • Gregarious, Impulsive, Self-promoting,
Influential • Sociable, Poised, Confident, Effusive • Good mixer, Open-minded, Talkative
❐ Emotion of the “I” Factor: OPTIMISM
• Believe the impossible can be done • Hold incredible optimism for the future • May not be grounded totally in data and facts
The High I
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❐ Descriptors: • Perfectionist, Fact-finder, Systematic,
Courteous • Restrained, Analytical, Mature, Precise,
Methodical • Accurate, Diplomatic, Conventional,
Conscientious • High Standards, Sensitive, Patient,
Exacting
❐ Emotion of the “C” Factor: FEAR • Tend to be low risk, following
procedures and going “by the book” • Tend to be better drivers
The High C
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Tendencies Under Stress
D – Tends to “erupt” or lets off steam over
a single issue - Pressure doesn’t build
S – Tends to keep emotions inside, stress builds over time
- Emotional eruption due to many issues
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Some People Are Like Pop Cans
Which soft drink container are you most like in terms of dealing with your emotions?
The tall, clear plastic bottle …
OR
The short aluminum can?
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Driving Forces – WHY we do things
Knowledge
Utility
Power
Instinctive Relevant Knowledge Current needs
Selfless Accommodating Giving
Collaborative Cooperation, Support Sharing
Intellectual ID Truth – Full Knowledge Discovery
Resourceful ROI, Practical results Efficiency
Commanding Status, control Recognition
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The Emotional Mirroring Effect
Research suggests that that there are 2 distinct information pathways of
the brain for communicating an emotional message
1. Eyes/Thalamus/Visual Cortex – The Thinking Brain what is being seen, said. How we process what we see and hear
2. Eyes/Thalamus/Amygdala – The Feeling Brain how we process nonverbal information of emotions, reading and responding to emotions. Much faster, even microseconds before we know what we are observing
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The Emotional Mirroring Effect
Thinking Brain The Neocortex
Feeling Brain The Limbic system
The Frontal Lobe The Amygdala
Frontal Cortex > Executive Functioning
. Decision Making . Organization . Prioritization . Goal directed behaviour
. Planning
. Creativity
. Problem Solving
. Time Management
The Frontal Lobe
When the Amygdala takes over it can shut down our prefrontal control. If we can reduce the stress, we can use our executive function once again.
Your Brain in High Stress/Overload . Anger . Panic . Anxiety
. Fear
. Impatience
. irritability
The Amygdala
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The Emotional Mirroring Effect
Others can read our intentions, moods, frustrations and excitement
They will “mirror” these emotions immediately, without thinking about it. Emotions are contagious!
Their brains will change to become like you.
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Understand that others will hear your words, but will mostly tend to mirror everything you do, even without knowing how or why they are doing so. Into small groups
– try to transfer either a +/- feeling
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What can YOU do to hone your positive approach?
YOU are the only one who is responsible for your attitude!
1. You have to be completely aware of the effect you have on others and “feed forward” the emotions you want them to have!
2. Take a leadership role in creating a more positive emotional environment
MYCHOICES
.Staynegative,depressedOR
.WaituntilIknowmore.Re-visitmyBucketList
-SantaClausParade-Standupcomedy
.Notletit“own”myattitude-seethehumourinit,
blameitformybehaviour
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Emotional Intelligence – Two Aspects
This is the essential premise of EQ/EI: To be successful requires the effective awareness, control and management of one’s own emotions and those of other people. EI embraces two aspects of intelligence: Understanding yourself, emotions, responses and behaviour. Understanding others and their feelings (Not today)
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Medical Value of EI Source - Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence
Social Isolation - nobody to share private feelings • Smoking increases mortality rate by a factor of 1.6
• Social isolation increases mortality rate by a factor of 2.0 Heart Attack Recovery - 122 men with first attack
• 21/25 of the most pessimistic did not recover
• 19/25 of the most optimistic did recover Stress Study - Sweden 1993
• 752 men born in 1933 given medical exams 7 years apart
• 3 times the death rate for those who reported being under emotional stress compared to those whose life was calm
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Emotional Intelligence Competencies
• Self-Awareness ? what are you feeling? ? what is the ripple effect?
Relate to Ourselves • Self-Regulation ? don’t get high-jacked by emotions ? don’t keep them bottled up ? access your intellectual reasoning
• Self-Motivation ? focus on the moment ? manage setbacks - what can you fix? ? identify your options with upside/downside for each ? A year from today, what do you want to see? ? positive self-talk to engage +ve emotions
Layers of Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness What am I feeling? What effect will it have on my performance? What effect will it have on others?
My Theory An Alien Conspiracy to conquer our planet.
Their Strategy - Keep us from evacuating our major cities
- Raise our stress levels so we are not at our best and much easier to conquer
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How do I feel? Self - Awareness
• Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late • Your “negative/stressful” situations -
What would you be feeling in each situation? What could be the consequences of those emotions?
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Self - Awareness
Motivators in your work (create positive emotions)
De-Motivators in your work (create negative emotions)
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The Law of Attraction
Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.
e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems.
If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that
your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about!
reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
Layers of Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness Self Regulation What can I say to myself to make it more positive? How can I vent my feelings safely?
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Self Regulation
• Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late • Your “negative/stressful” situations -
What questions/thoughts might help you change to become less negative? e.g. “Does a few extra minutes really matter?”
“A year from today, this won’t matter!” I choose to own my attitude each day
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Venting Be a venter, not a brooder
It is important to air your feelings in a constructive manner - Write it all out or record them, then choose one of 3
options > (file, share, destroy)
- Find a venting “buddy”, someone who will listen to you without judgement - Be a venting buddy for someone else
- Others?
Layers of Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation What am I responsible for? What can I do/fix? List options with both upside/downside
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What can I do to fix it? Self - Motivation
What are you responsible for, if anything? What can you fix?
• Someone with too many items in an express checkout and you are late
• Your “negative/stressful” situations –
Self Motivation
What can I do, what can I fix in my situation?
What are my options?
Upside/downside for each
List on flip
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“If people will stop for a moment and put themselves in another person’s shoes… it will help them modify their own behavior. It will help them develop relationships with those people.”
Darryl Grigg, Ph.D. Co-Developer,
American Express Emotional Competence Program
COMPETENCY # 4 - EMPATHY
EI Competency # 4 - EMPATHY
. It means recognizing and responding appropriately to the emotions of others . By expressing empathy, you also create empathy in others . Realize that emotions impact such measurable goals as productivity and safety
Source–EIVideo–CRMLearning
Layers of Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness Self Regulation Self Regulation
Empathy Effective Relationships - work, home, family
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EI - Application Process
FACTS & THOUGHTS
• Self-Awareness - what are you feeling? - what is the ripple effect of those feelings?
• Self-Regulation - more positive self-talk, A year from today this won’t matter etc. - vent your emotions safely, versus keeping them bottled up - reframe the situation more positively, e.g. it’s a challenge
• Self-Motivation - focus on the moment, not the past - what can we/you fix? identify your options with upside/downside for each • Empathy
- what are their feelings and emotions? - how would you feel if it were fixed?
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Process
1. Setting the Stage
- Common Industry Stressors
2. Understanding Yourself
- The DISC Behavioural Model (HOW you do things)
- Tendencies when stressed
- Driving Forces (WHY you do things)
3. Emotional Intelligence
- Emotional Mirroring - EI Competencies
4. Summary
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Summary Discussion
Who wants a more positive life? (Stand) What did you learn in this session that will help you to deal better with stress? What will you do differently?
1. Safely vent your feelings 2. List 5 positive things about your life 3. Identify your options for stressors 4. Visualize 1 year from today – What do you want to happen? 5. Decide to own your attitude.
What you can do
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The Law of Attraction
Whatever we focus on is what we attract! If you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.
e.g. the more you think about something that makes you unhappy, the worse it seems.
If you can think about what you want in your mind and make that
your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life. What you think about, you bring about!
reference: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
Key Alien Strategies Keep us from evacuating, raise our stress levels - Traffic Lights – no advance LH turn if alone - Railroad crossings
- the 25 car rule, - 2 trains at same time - Snow plow testing
- 4 at a time – 401 Highway - 6 at a time – Queensway in Ottawa
- Trucks “Leap Frog” – 401 Highway
The Attitude Viruses Positive
Looks at what’s right, tries to improve things
Negative Looks at what’s wrong,
dwells on the past
Which Virus do you want to spread?
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Thoughts to Live By
Copyright © 1998. Target Training International, Ltd.
The Law of Attraction: What you think about, you bring about
Keep your Thoughts positive, Thoughts become your Words.
Keep your Words positive, Words become your Behaviors.
Keep your Behaviors positive, Behaviors become your Habits.
Keep your Habits positive, Habits become your Values.
Keep your Values positive, Values become your Destiny.
- Gandhi
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