HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT TOO

An Exploration of Cheating in Dating

Presentation Summary

Review of Literature My Studies

Hypotheses Methods Interview Structure Findings (responses)

Conclusions Based on Both

Studies

Influencing Literature

All cheating is not the same, falls in a continuum of infidelitous acts; included cohabitating unions in study Thompson, 1984

Issues of closeness and distance are highly relevant in long-term dating relationships, and can effect relationship quality Feeney, 1999

Lower relationship quality will lead to increased chance of cheating Previti, Amato, 2004

Hypotheses

1. The farther a subject lives from their significant other, the more likely they will cheat (Feeney, 1999)

2. The less time spent with their significant other, the more likely it is the subject will cheat (Feeney, 1999)

3. Cheating will have a negative effect on the relationship (Previti, Amato, 2004)

Other Data Collected• How many people cheating occurred with (Thompson,

1984)• How many times cheating occurred (Thompson, 1984)• Alcohol consumption as a factor

Qualitative Methods

Purposive Sample 3 friends

Ralph, Andrew and Nancy Participants in Survey Project White, middle-class, 20-21 years old, juniors at

C.C.S.U. Cheating was not defined to the subjects, they

developed their own notion of cheating based on their own beliefs and experiences

This definition varied for each subject

Structure of Interview Questions

Findings

57% (12) of all survey participants cheated p=21

9 male, 12 female 66% (6) males cheated 50% (6) females cheated

Cheating = sexual activity (passionate kissing, oral sex, and sexual intercourse) with someone other than your significant other

Prior research 45% males 42% females(subjects married or in cohabitating unions;

extramarital relationships ranged from purely physical, purely emotional, or both physical and emotional) (Thompson, 1984)

Findings

Similarities in all interview subjects relationship to significant other Significant other at time of interview was first

committed relationship Dated significant other for at least 3 years prior to

interview Long-distance relationships

Similarities in all interview subjects extra-relational affairs Friends with extra-relational other prior to cheating No previous sign of mutual attraction Incidents were unplanned, spontaneous

Findings

Alcohol use and intoxication as a factor All 3 interview subjects reported being drunk

at the time of their first incident of cheating“I was passed out and he woke me up

and then it happened. I don’t remember exactly, but he woke me up and we kissed and I told him I didn’t want to do it and he said ‘C’mon Nancy, I have wanted to do this for so long. Let’s just fuck.’ And I told him no, but we kept kissing and then I stopped it.”

Survey Results: 66% (8) of survey respondents that had

cheated reported being intoxicated during an incident; split evenly between males (4) and females (4)

Findings

Relationship problems: Long-distance issues (Feeney, 1999) Low relationship quality (Previti, Amatos

2004)

“What the relationship was, we were talking on the phone all the time. When I started having fun here I didn’t want to have a ‘scheduled’ relationship. I was always doing something . I didn’t have extra time to talk on the phone for three hours a day.”

Findings

Emotional attraction to extra-relational other Ambivalence to wrongdoing (Lawson, Samson

1988)

“It didn’t phase me, I didn’t care. She was here, I liked her more, she was more attractive, definitely easier to talk to. I’d say a nicer person in general.”

“I wasn't’ that pissed off, I’d made out with other girls before but I didn’t consider that cheating. I know Lin [s/o] wouldn’t like it, and those times I got kind of pissed off at myself, but with Meg [e/r/o] it didn’t bother me. We had hung out a lot and were in the same type of relationship, the same bullshit you know? We could relate to each other.”

Findings

No interview subjects left their significant other for the extra-relational other Despite relationship problems, a deeper emotional

attachment was described to the significant other (Thompson, 1984)

No interview subjects informed their significant other of cheating on them In all 3 cases, in order to keep from hurting the

significant other, and to preserve the relationship

“I should have told him, but I’m too afraid.”

“I’d feel bad, I know it would hurt her.”

Findings

Effect of cheating on relationship status with significant other reported by interview subjects: Negligible Contradicts prior research (Previti, Amato, 2004) Significant others were kept unaware of

wrongdoing Any changes were attributed to maturing of the

relationship by subjects Survey Results:

Findings

Negative affect on prior relationship with extra-relational other Hiatus in communication between interview

subjects and extra-relational other 2 cases of attempts made to repair the

relationship with extra-relational other Both resulted in another incident of cheating

Survey Results: Female respondents cheated at a ratio of

1:1 Male respondents cheated at a ratio of 2:1

Findings

Responses to “Why did you cheat” “I was drunk.”“I’m young.”

“I was curious.”“The opportunity presented itself.”

“Because I’m a scumbag.”Only 3 of 12 survey subjects responses

showed any remorse, guilt or shame

Conclusions

1. Rates of cheating did increase in long distance relationships (Feeney, 1999)

2. Direct correlation between the amount of time one spends with their significant other and incidences of cheating (Feeney, 1999)

3. Cheating had a negative effect on the relationship

1. Partial support

Intoxication increases chances of participating in extra-relational sexual behavior

Reaction

Intriguing look deep into subjects personal lives Research was largely exploratory

Difficult to make recommendations on how to avoid cheating with any effectiveness

Continued research: Expanded interview sample size to 7 participants Expanded interview questionnaire to include other

incidents of cheating in multiple relationships Expanded review of literature to include links to

other social phenomena associated with infidelitous behavior

References

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Burns, A. (1999). Power between women: the constructed otherness of ‘other women.’ Feminism & Psychology, 4: 410-413

Feeney, J. A. (1999). Issues of closeness and distance in dating relationships: effects of sex and attachment style. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16, 571-590

Galliher, R. V.; Welsh D. P.; Rostosky, S. S.; Kawaguchi, M. C. (2004). Interaction and relationship quality in late adolescent romantic couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 203-216

Lawson, A; Samson, C. (1988). “Age, gender and adultery. The British Journal of Sociology, 39, 409-440

O’Farrell, K. J.; Rosenthal, E. N.; O’Neil, E. C. (2003). Relationship satisfaction and responsiveness to nonmates’ flirtation: testing and evolutionary explanation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20, 663-674

Previti, D.; Amato, P. R. (2004). Is infidelity a cause or a consequence of poor marital quality? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 217-230

Sacher, J. A.; Fine, M. A. (1996). Predicting relationship status and satisfaction after six months among dating couples. Journal of Marriage and Family, 58, 21-32

Saunder, J.; Miller, E. (1984). Extramarital sexuality: a predictive model of permissive attitudes. Journal of Marriage and Family, 46, 825-835

Thompson, A. P. (1984). Emotional and sexual components of extramarital relations. Joural of Marriage and Family, 46, 35-42