Central Iowa Chapter 2741 Hickman Rd. Des Moines, IA 50310

OCTOBER 2019 VOLUME 21 NO. 10

“WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE!”

NEXT MEETING: October 1, 2019 7 – 8:45 PM

Hamilton’s on Westown Parkway

**Large Chapel Area or Butterfly Reception Room**

3601 Westown, West Des Moines, IA

Go west at the corner of Valley West Drive and Westown Parkway. Hamilton’s is located on the northwest corner of

36th Street and Westown Parkway. Entry to the parking lot is off of 36

th Street, on either the south or north side of the

building. The facility will be open at 6:30 pm for anyone who wants to come early to share or for new people to fill

out papers and get information folders.

Help Needed for December Chapter Candle Lighting Ceremony

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CHAPTER AND NATIONAL INFORMATION

Central Iowa Chapter:

Chapter Leader – Merry Bradley – 515-277-6432

Newsletter Editor – Judy Jarboe - jjarboe@mchsi.com

Chapter Advisor –

Chapter Website – http://www.tcfdsm.org/

National Office:

Address: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. P.O. Box 3693

Oak Brook, IL 60522-3693 Phone toll-free: 1-877-969-0010

Fax: 1-630-990-0246

Website: www.thecompassionatefriends.org

IN LOVING MEMORY . . .

No dues or fees are required to belong to The Compassionate Friends. We have all paid the ultimate price — the loss

of our loved ones. Parents and others may provide financial support for our chapter through “love gifts,” a beautiful and

loving way to remember our loved ones. Our chapter work is done by volunteers, and through love gifts we are able to

reach out to others with our brochures and newsletters as well as to obtain books and other information for our library.

We truly appreciate every love gift and donation and use them in our chapter’s work to be there for others.

Send love gifts for Central Iowa Chapter of TCF to:

Central Iowa Chapter TCF Due to printing requirements, to ensure your “love

Anne Gehrke gift” acknowledgement appears in the newsletter

4105 73rd Street edition you want, please be sure your gift is sent by

Urbandale, IA 50322 the first of the prior month. Thank you!

Love gift checks need to be written in either blue or black ink. DO NOT USE MARKERS since the bank

cannot make out the information on checks written with markers in order to credit them to our chapter’s account.

MINUTES FOR SEPTEMBER 2019 MONTHLY MEETING

Twenty attended the September TCF meeting. We welcomed Niya Brewer, attending in memory of her twins, Valor and

Grace Brewer. Our meeting also had one visitor, Shawn Dugan.

Announcements were made to prepare members for upcoming programs and the need for contemplation to volunteer to

help with them. More information will be available soon.

Lucy Suvalsky presented the program Strong in Broken Places. Information as well as questions, discussion, and a

worksheet helped us all look within ourselves to find strengths we still have despite the tragedy and changes in our lives to

a new normal. It may surprise us all; the answers we have after giving thoughts.

Thank you to Ruth and Glenn Hobin for donating the book, Living with Grief When Illness is Prolonged, to our library.

2 ~ Merry Bradley

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TAKE THE TIME . . . TO HURT, TO CRY

Wordless and worldless—Endless and forever, grief goes on— It takes the best—And leaves the rest an empty shell—Life is Hell.

David was dead four months when I wrote that in my journal. Time is my enemy. As I envisioned the future of my life, I saw only a vast expanse of desert — dry, parched, and empty. It is now a year and a half since David’s death, and I recognize that time has become my friend. Now, when I look to the future, I see hills and valleys — struggles, to be sure — but also moments spent at the summit. What has happened? Time is healing.

Take the time . . .

To hurt . . . the pain is great and the temptation to run away is great. But there is no avoiding , no escaping the hard feelings. If you cover them over, they only resurface later in a potentially more destructive way.

To cry . . . it may feel like once started, you can never stop. But you have every reason to cry, and when you have cried enough, you will stop.

To “fall apart” . . . if you have a broken leg, you would not expect yourself to function at full capacity right away. Your wound is much greater—you have a broken heart. Confusion, inability to concentrate, lethargy, imagined glimpses of your dead child are a normal part of the grieving process and do not mean that you are going crazy.

To be “selfish”. . . mourning is an egocentric time, a time for turning inward and introspection.

To “identify”. . . and seek our resources in your environment that can help: friends, clergy, Compassionate Friends, a counselor. Talk to them. Having done all that—having lingered in the valley of the shadow—it is time to begin the climb out.

Take the time . . .

To engage again . . . in activities that were once pleasurable. They may hold no joy the first few times; someday they will and that will be all right.

To laugh without guilt . . . savor the good moments in the day, brief though they may be. Through your child, you can rediscover the beauty of a sunset.

To care for your health . . . grieving is a physic-, as well as psycho-logical stress. Your body needs protection.

To be patient . . . wanting to live again and learning to live again takes time. The path out of the other side of the Valley is steep, and we all often stumble. But with —time spent doing the work of grief—you can find the path to a world made richer by your love.

~ Bronna Romaoff, PhD. Albany, NY, TCF

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AFTER OCTOBER . . . and if there be a perfect month, for me, it is october – with days and nights like laughing fauns, with mornings bright and sober.

when wind will dance in sudden glee to do the autumn-sweeping or cloud and fog and wistful rain can move a heart to weeping.

and in october You were born, four days before november and four years later You were gone, my little son, my only son, I love you and remember . . .

The First Yellow Leaf

Finding the first yellow leaf . . .

(how it reminds me of autumn).

Finding the first yellow leaf . . .

(how it reminds me of time).

Seems like another new year now.

Not the same year I began.

Nothing reminds me of changings

Quite like a summertime gone.

Finding the first yellow leaf . . .

(will it remind me of grieving?)

Everything golden in summer

Turning to gray after fall . . .

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Halloween It is here, this day of merriment

and children’s pleasure.

Gremlins and goblins

and ghosties at the door

of your house.

And the other children

come to the door of your mind.

Faces out of the past,

small ghosts with sweet, painted faces.

They do not shout.

Those children

who no longer march laughing

on a cold Halloween night,

they stand at the door of your mind –

and you will let them in,

so that you can give them

the small gifts of your Halloween –

a smile and a tear.

Our Beloved Children Remembered in October Lighting a candle, cherishing a birth . . .

Doug Anderson Son of Ray and Madelyn Anderson

Bailey Bryant Daughter of Steven and Kim Bryant

Kristin Hobin Carvajal Daughter of Glenn and Ruth Hobin, sister of Grant and Ilene, mother of Aimee

Charles Cowles Son of Millie Cowles

Bradley Cratty Son of John and Carmen Cratty

Mike Cummings Son of Mary Cummings

Jon Digranes Son of Sandra and Joe Digranes

Ellen Marie Giles Daughter of Bob and Charlene Giles

Quenton Gordon Son of Alan and Penny Gordon, Grandson of Deloise Veith

Alex Greenfield Son of Darlene Greenfield, brother of Robert

Brittany Allison Hall Daughter of Allison and Steve Stewart, sister of Chaunci and Stephanie Hall

Heather C. Hamilton Daughter of Glenn Hamilton, sister of Jared and Abby

Mary Hansman Daughter of Phylis Hansman

Nino Hendee Son of Sascha Wagner

Aliya L. Hesseltine Daughter of Ryan and Angie Hesseltine, sister to Cael and Peyton

Clark Warren Hinman Son of Warren and Donnafred Hinman

James (Jim) Hodson Son of Dave and Jeri Hodson

Jacqauri Maurie Hudson Son of Jessica Hudson

Chad Huisinga Son of Alan and Melinda Huisinga

Kimberley Jarnagin Daughter of Angela Riche

Douglas Kobberdahl Son of May and Ed Grant

Carolyn Krajcir Daughter of Bob and JoAnne Krajcir

Dawn Lorimor Daughter of Barbara Lorimor

Patrick Meenan Son of Susan Meenan

Lynn Millar Daughter of Michael and Ruth Millar

Robby Miller Son of Matt and Angie Miller

Ryan O’Connor Son of Terry O’Connor

Az’urai Palmer Daughter of Kristina Solis & Richard Palmer Sr., sister of Jasmine & Richard Jr.

Angela Pilkington Daughter of Marlyn and Zelda Larson

Elias Ramos Son-in-law of Leo and Beverly Barry, father of Cristian and Xavier,

husband of Marijo Angela Barry Ramos Max Suvalsky Son of Lucy Suvalsky, brother to Zach and Becca

Riley Stangl-Meddaugh Son of Robert Meddaugh and Kathy Stangl

Brad Stover Son of Jina Young, brother of Victoria and Mackenzie Sleeth, and Emma Stover

Chase Thomas Grandson of Orene and Rex Glantz

Francesca Tonelli Daughter of Francis and Jocelyn Tonelli

Jeffrey Wilson Son of Ralph and Marilyn Wilson

Lighting a candle, remembering a life . . .

Derrick Bagley Son of Marvin and Rose Ann Bagley, husband of Laura Bagley

Jacob Baker Son of Ann Baker

Alex Bowersox Child of Tom and Karen Bowersox

Brian Craig Son of Dick and Vivian Craig

Tracee Cratty Daughter-in-law of John and Carmen Cratty

Brian Danford Son of Denny and Vickie Danford

Frankie Farao-Dudley Son of Nicole McDuffey and Jeremy Dudley, brother to Sebrina and Cecelia

Randy Freel Son of Roger and Carla Freel, grandson of Virgil and Phyllis Tharp,

brother of Tina, Jeff, and Angie

Steven Gilkison Son of Melissa Nichol

Heather Gillum Daughter of Guy and Sandi Gillum

Douglas Gordon Brother of Denise Gordon-Kamm

Matthew Henderson Son of Mary Hart and Gary Henderson 7

Taylor Lewis Son of Brenda Lewis

Kim Kramer-Roberts Daughter of Ed and Millie Kramer

Belinda Lockhart Daughter of Barry and Louise Lockhart

Dustan Ludwig Son of Dona Ludwig

Michael Stephen Miller Son of Marty and Marsha Miller, brother of Lisa Zenger

Christopher Pettyjohn Son of Cindy Witt, stepson of Marvin Witt

Rick Reynolds Son of Bob and Betty Reynolds

Fred Schultz Son of Fred and Jean Schultz, brother of Tammy Mortenson

Joshua Smith Son of Lori Smith

Michael Dennis Soloman Son of Jackie and Larry Soloman, husband of Kathy, father of Ashley, Stephanie,

Jessie, Megan, and Amanda

Tom VanCleave Son of Lee and Frances VanCleave

Craig Wildman Son of Bev and John Wildman

Kyla Wilson Daughter of Evelyn Launderville, sister of Michelle Fjelland

Julie Windolf Daughter of John and Ann Windolf

“Special Days” – birthdays and death anniversary days – can be difficult for bereaved families. This feature helps

us be aware of who is facing these special days each month. Let them know that you are thinking of them. Those

children whose birth and death dates fall within the same month will appear in the birthday column only. In an

effort to minimize the risk of identity theft, we will show only the name and the month, not the exact day and year.

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