help sheet for self-therapy

7/28/2019 Help Sheet for Self-Therapy

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Help Sheet for the IFS Process

This is a summary of all the steps of the IFS procedure. It is meant to guide your steps while you

are working on yourself or partnering with someone.

1. Getting to Know a Protector

P1. Accessing a Part

If the part is not activated, imagine yourself in a recent situation when the part was activated.

Sense the part in your body or evoke an image of the part.

P2. Unblending Target Part

Check to see if you are charged up with the part’s emotions or caught up in its beliefs right now.

If so, you are blended.

Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now. If you can’t tell, you may be

blended.

If you are blended with the target part, here are some options for unblending.

Ask the part to separate from you so you can get to know it.

Move back internally to separate from the part.

See an image of the part at a distance from you or draw the part.

Do a short centering/grounding meditation.

If the part doesn’t separate, ask what it is afraid would happen if it did.

Explain to it the value of separating and reassure it about its fears.

P3. Unblending Concerned Part

Check to see how you feel toward the target part right now.

If you feel compassionate, curious, and so on, you are in Self, so you can move on to P4.



If you don’t, then unblend the concerned part:

Ask the concerned part if it would be willing to step aside (or relax) just for now so you can

get to know the target part from an open place.

If it does, check again to see how you feel toward the target part, and repeat.

If it isn’t willing to step aside, explain to it the value of stepping aside.

If it still won’t, ask what it is afraid would happen if it did, and reassure it about its fears.

If it still won’t, make the concerned part the target part and work with it.

P4. Discovering a Protector’s Role

Invite the part to tell you about itself.

The part may answer in words, images, body sensations, emotions, or direct knowing.

Here are questions you can ask the part:

What do you feel?

What are you concerned about?

What is your role? What do you do to perform this role?

What do you hope to accomplish by playing this role?

What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this?

P5. Developing a Trusting Relationship with a Protector

You can foster trust by saying the following to the protector (if true):

I understand why you (do your role).

I appreciate your efforts on my behalf.

I know you’ve been working very hard.



2. Getting Permission to Work With an Exile

If necessary, ask the protector to show you the exile.

Ask its permission to get to know the exile.

If it won’t give permission, ask what it is afraid would happen if you accessed the exile.

Possibilities are:

The exile has too much pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and get to know the exile, not

dive into its pain.

There isn’t any point in going into the pain. Explain that there is a point -- you can heal the

exile. The protector will have no role and therefore be eliminated. Explain that the protector can

choose a new role in your psyche.

3. Getting to Know an Exile

E1: Accessing an Exile

Sense it in your body or get an image of it

E2: Unblending From an Exile

If you are blended with an exile:

Ask the exile to contain its feelings so you can be there for it.

Consciously separate from the exile and return to Self.

Get an image of the exile at a distance from you.

Do a centering/grounding induction.

If the exile won’t contain its feelings:

Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it did.



Explain that you really want to witness its feelings and story, but you need to be separate to

do that.

Conscious blending: If you can tolerate it, allow yourself to feel the exile’s pain

E3: Unblending Concerned Parts

Check how you feel toward the exile.

If you aren’t in Self or don’t feel compassion, unblend from any concerned parts.

They are usually afraid of your becoming overwhelmed by the exile’s pain or the exile taking

over.

Explain that you will stay in Self and not give the exile the power to take over.

E4: Finding Out about an Exile

Ask: What do you feel? What makes you feel so scared or hurt (or any other feeling)?

E5: Developing a Trusting Relationship with an Exile

Let the exile know that you want to hear its story.

Communicate to it that you feel compassion and caring toward it.

Check to see if the exile can sense you there and notice how if it is taking in your compassion.

4. Accessing and Witnessing Childhood Origins

Ask the exile to show you an image or a memory of when it learned to feel this way in childhood.

Ask the exile how this made it feel.

Check to make sure the part has shown you everything it wants to be witnessed.

After witnessing, check to see if the exile believes that you understand how bad it was.

5. Reparenting an Exile

Bring yourself (as Self) into the childhood situation and ask the exile what it needs from you to

heal it or change what happened; then give that to the exile through your internal imagination.



Check to see how the exile is responding to the reparenting.

If it can’t sense you or isn’t taking in your caring, ask why and work with that.

6: Retrieving an Exile

One of the things the exile may need is to be taken out of the childhood environment.

You can bring it into some place in your present life, your body, or an imaginary place.

7. Unburdening an Exile

Name the burdens the exile is carrying—extreme feelings or beliefs.

Ask the exile if it wants to give up or release the burdens and if it is ready to do so.

If it doesn’t want to, ask what it is afraid would happen if it let go of them. Then handle thosefears.

How does the exile carry the burdens in or on its body?

What would the exile like to release the burdens to? Light, water, wind, earth, fire, or anything

else.

Once the burdens are gone, notice what positive qualities or feelings arise in the exile.

8. Integration and Unburdening a Protector

Introduce the transformed exile to the protector.

See if it now realizes that its role of protection is no longer necessary.

If necessary, take it through an unburdening and notice what positive qualities arise.

The protector can choose a new role in your psyche.

Imagine yourself in the original trailhead and see if any parts become activated.

help sheet for self-therapy

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