"history's mystery" pilot (teleplay)

7/30/2019 "History's Mystery" Pilot (Teleplay)

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HISTORY'S MYSTERIES

"Pilot Episode: Moonshiner's Gold"

written by

T Jara Morgan

Matthew Morgan

FIRST DRAFT5 27 2013


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HISTORY'S MYSTERIES

"Pilot Episode: Moonshiner's Gold"

CASTBURT MCBURTON........................................LEONARDO SANTAITI

CHARLIE DUNLOP...........................................LUKE WILLIAMS

RONAL...................................................BILL HEARNBURG

MARTIE...................................................EMORY GOOCHER

TRACEY......................................................JAKE AYERS

STACEY.............................................................TBA

WINDELL.................................................WINDELL DOBSON

TEO............................................................DOROTEO

DANGER DAVE..............................................JOEY KARVELAS

CHIP....................................................SAMMY KARVELAS

ii.


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TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. LARGE EMPTY WAREHOUSE - MORNING

Large black boxes are being loaded into a production truck.MARTIE and TRACEY struggle with a box labeled The Snake.

BURT walks into the area holding a large tube.

BURTHey Wendell! Give me a hand.

Wendell peeks his head out of the truck. He wears largeleather work gloves.

BURT INTERVIEW:

BURTSo yeah, we just got our showdecal, and Im here, in the preparea, about to get it on. Wererolling!

THE TRUCK:

Wendell and Tracey stand on ladders, applying the decal to

the side of the production truck.

CUT TO:

They stand back from the truck. Observing their work.

WINDELLI cant really read it.

BURT

Yeah, obviously. Its so you canread it in your rearview.

The DECAL is mirrored, like an ambulance. Pan over to Martie,he looks at the camera, puzzled.


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MARTIE INTERVIEW

MARTIEHe had me order it backwards. Idont really get it though, its on

the side of the truck. I mean,whos looking at the side of trucksin their mirror? Maybe forintersections... if they time itright.

In the background Burt is on the phone.

BURTMartie! Get over here! Lets getrolling! And wheres Charlie,Stacey?

Stacey shrugs.

MARTIE(turning)

Hes in the truck.

THE TRUCK:

Burt walks up to the back, calling in. CHARLIE DUNLOP stepsonto the edge, squinting in the sunlight. Hes dressed like afly-fisherman.

Burt and Charlie stare at each other for a moment.

CHARLIEHow do I look, Burt? Ronal addedsome more flies.

Burt seems deflated. He glances over to Stacey.

Charlie grabs his fishing hat and attempts to throw it likea frisbee toward Burt. Because its loaded with fly fishinglures, one of the hooks grabs Charlies shirt shoulder andrips a gash in it.

Charlie loses his balance and tumbles into a stack ofequipment, toppling it out of the truck.

The crew looks on in silence, not impressed with their host.

END TEASER

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ACT ONE

EXT. GEORGIA HIGHWAY - DAY

The truck drives onward, some of the decal strips flapping inthe wind.

INT. PRODUCTION TRUCK - DAY

Burt stands at a whiteboard, outlining their next show. Heswriting Episode: Moonshiners Run.

BURT

(turns)This week, were headed up into theAppalachians...and, thats it, Ivereached the limit of my interest.Stacey, you come up and tell themthe rest.

He shuffles to the side to make room for Stacey. Stacey grabsher folder and reads in a monotone.

STACEYThe legend of the moonshinersgold, chapter one. In 1936, in the

midst of the prohibition era, therewas a clan of moonshiners in theNorth Carolina area...

Everyone is extremely bored, except for Charlie who nodseagerly and takes notes.

BURT INTERVIEW

Stacey is still reading in the background.

BURTHave I ever seen an episode of ourshow? Thats a hard one. Notentirely. But probably not. Ialmost finished the one about thecannibals in the Amazon, but uh,that was actually not our show.Dang. Danger Daves good.

3.

(MORE)


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But you know what does interest me?Mo-Ne-Ti-Za-Tion. Yeah. Productplacement.

ANGLE ON MARTIE

Stacey continues to read some boring facts about themoonshiners. Martie sorts through some of his 80s eraequipment.

MARTIEHey Burt, check out my lenses.

Burt kneels next to Martie. Looking at the stuff. He turns tothe camera.

BURT(sarcastic)

My crew always has the best, mostupdated equipment.

He cant help but crack up into an obnoxious laugh. Staceystops reading. Martie seems offended.

MARTIEWell what do you expect? Yourealways giving me expired creditcards to buy stuff.

BURT(yells)

Keep going Stacey.

STACEY...and in 1956 Bubba Knox drove hiscar off of red clay cliff. Andthats where the gold lies to thisday.

CHARLIE(turns to the others)

Gold? What gold? Whered you getthat?

(looks down at his notes)Im not following you somewhere.

Stacey shrugs.

STACEYI dont know. Part of the tape wasblank.

4.

BURT (CONT'D)


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TALKING HEAD RONAL

He sits at his small editing suite in the back of the truck.

RONALSo, uh yeah. Burt McBurton, ourproducer. Im not sure where hegets his research material, butIm pretty sure its not throughlegal channels. They come likethis.

He holds up a VHS tape with Moonshiner written on it.

INT. RESEARCHERS ROOM - NIGHT

SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: The Night Before

A messy RESEARCHERs room. Burt enters holding a coffee.

BURTSo the funny thing is, I thought Ibought two coffees, but I onlybought one. I mustve forgot yours.

RESEARCHERThat one has my name written on it.

BURTHuh. Hows it coming, Benny? Thisit?

Burt grabs a folder full of reference material.

RESEARCHERIt is. General Shermans Rampage,

chapter two. Howd the last episodego?

Burt shakes his head at the camera. Boring.

BURTGreat stuff Benny.

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RESEARCHERPeople love that Civil Warmaterial, Burt.

Burt eyes a VHS tape on the shelf. We recognize it as theMoonshiner tape. It seems to be part of a collection of

tapes with other titles such as UFOs, Atlantis, andBigfoot.

BURT(raising eyebrows)

Youre telling me.

Burt sets his cup on the desk above the researcher, and thendeliberately knocks it over onto his lap.

RESEARCHERAhh. Burt, not again!

Burt uses this decoy to grab the tape off the shelf and dashout of the room. He hits the lights on the way out.

IN THE DARK

We hear a quiet sigh. Running footsteps fade into thedistance, accompanied by a gleeful laugh.

EXT. GEORGIA HIGHWAY - DAY

The truck zooms by. Some of the strips of the decal missing.

INT. MOUNTAIN LOCATION - DAY

The crew unloads boxes. Charlie walks to and fro in thebackground, practicing his script. Stacey holds the pages andcorrects him when he misses a word.

Burt holds a clipboard with papers. He flips through themfrustrated.

TALKING HEAD BURT

BURTSo I just got a, what we call amemo, from the network.

He flips through some pages.

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BURTAnd...there seems to be a lot ofcharts here.

Shakes his head.

BURTNormally with, what I call downhills, like this, and this--

He points to a table labeled: Viewer Numbers. Theres aseries of steep drops in the line chart.

BURT--And this big one right here. Youcould speculate all day whetherthis is good or bad. Thereshonestly no way to know. I meanlook at this. Turn the chart like

this, its good, turn it like that,its bad.But if it is bad, its a prettysure Stacys to blame.

(whispering)Honestly, I would have fired her along time ago, if she wasnt incharge of payroll.

We pan over to Stacey. She doesnt hear.

BURTBut Im not playing the blame game,

here. The truth is, we just need tostep it up. Danger Daves, thehunting show, is-- well theyrekicking our butts week after week.And it looks like the network istrying to cut a show for the fallseason. Its us or them.

He nods.

BURT(to cameraman, overloud)

You guys dont need a producer doyou? Ok, well yeah! We need to stepit up. We got this! Weve got twoepisodes to turn this ship around.

With his renewed energy he turns and sees Martie carrying acase. He slaps on the back vigorously.

BURTTurn this ship around!

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ANGLE ON:

Charlie continues to practice his lines. Meanwhile, Stacey isapplying a thick coat of eyeliner to Charlies eyes.

CHARLIESo, welcome, here we are in theAppalachian mountains where thisweek were attempting to

STACEYAppalashyanan. Ok, all set.

CHARLIEIm pretty sure its Appalachian.Does this makeup look natural? Idont want the locals to know Im

wearing makeup.

STACEYJust think of this, Charlie. Whatwould Bubba Knox say? Appalachian?Go on.

This makes Charlie a bit self conscious.

CHARLIEBubba Knox?

(whispers to himself)Appalachian. Appalachian.

TALKING HEAD CHARLIE

CHARLIEIf one day, I were to becomefamous, retrospectively, I think myone key to success would be this.

He holds up a tomato Pomodoro timer.

CHARLIEThe pomodoro timer. Focus. Andattention to detail. Thats whyIve gotta nail this Appalachianthing. I think Kip Kipler wouldagree. He didnt get all the way upto channel 12 by practicing timemismanagement.

(leans in closer)

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(MORE)


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Exhibit A: look over there, atthose guys. What exactly are theydoing? There trying to carry thatbox in opposing directions.

INSERT:

Tracey and Martie struggle with a big black box. Martie istoo enthusiastic.

TRACEYMartie! Ow. My achilles. Slow down!

TALKING HEAD CHARLIE:

CHARLIESee what I mean? So the lesson wecan learn is this

His tomato timer goes off.

CHARLIEOk. Back to work.

EXT. MOUNTAIN AREA - DAY

A light has been set up and the crew have taken their places.

Its showtime!

Charlie faces the camera. Too much eyeliner.

CHARLIEWe rolling?

TRACEY(hits the clapper)

Speed.

CHARLIE

So, welcome, here we are in theAppalachian mountains where thisweek were attempting to uncoverthe mystery of Bubba Knox, thelegendary Moonshiners gold. Ourguide through these misty mountainswill be Mitchell, well look, herehe comes now...

9.

CHARLIE (CONT'D)


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MITCHELL, the local guide walks up the spot. He stops nearlyten feet away from Charlie. He does a quick wave.

He seems a bit alarmed at Charlies eye makeup.

MITCHELL

Hi there.

CHARLIEHi Mitchell. How are we? We allset?

Charlie tries to edge closer to Mitchell, hand outstretchedfor a shake. Mitchell steps away.

MITCHELLYes sir, were set.

CHARLIE

You call me Charlie Dunlop,Mitchell.

(he grins at the camera)I hear theres a danger of bearattacks so I brought a bear horn.

Charlie holds up a blow horn. Mitchell looks at it oddly.

MITCHELLAlright.

CHARLIELets get going!

Charlie charges off into the underbrush. Mitchell chooses amore reasonable route.

Burt watches the scene unfold, satisfied.

MARTIE...and cut!

Mitchell walks back into the area. Charlie charges back upthe hill. He approaches Mitchell and attempts a high five. Noresponse.

CHARLIEGreat job!

Charlie drops his hand and turns to Burt.

BURTTLets, uh, try to get down thevalley a ways. Stacey! Whereslunch?

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TALKING HEAD MITCHELL

MITCHELLWhat do I think of the explosion ofreality shows doing what with

moonshine?(pause)See over there? Thats a nice clumpof red valley oaks. Thats oneheavy half cord.

He walks away.

ANOTHER TALKING HEAD WITH MITCHELL - Second Attempt

Hes a few feet away from the first one.

MITCHELL

How do I feel about Charlie? Whoshe? Oh, the-- oh. Well. I dontcare for him too much.

Thats all he has to say about that.

He looks around the forest, searching the trees.

INT. PRODUCTION TRUCK - AFTERNOON

Ronal sits at his editing suite, scrubbing through a tape. Heturns to camera.

RONALIve been scrubbing through thisold box tape Burt procured, and Ithink theres more in here thanmeets the eye. That static we saw?Well it was caused by a coffeestain, looked fresh too. I was ableto un-spool it, clean it with a fewdrops of gaffers solution andremount it on a fresh VHS box andwell... Take a look for yourself.

Looks like Burt may have stumbledonto something good here...unfortunately.

Scrubs through old footage.

OLD SHAKY FOOTAGE

We see a shaky zoom into what looks like a treasure chest ina creek. We hear a GUNSHOT, the camera falls to the ground.

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RONALIts pretty clear we have whatappears to be some sort of shootand plunder operation going on.

He plays a bit more. The footage shows the ground and then

the camera moves a bit to reveal a blurry view of: A COVEREDBRIDGE.

RONALHeres the interesting part. Aftertalking to some local folks, I cameto discover that theres only threesuch bridges in the whole lowerSmokey Mountain region.

He begins to grin.

RONAL

And only two still standing.

He nods, somewhat proud of his detective work.

RONALNow, I need to get some boots onthe ground.

EXT. MOUNTAIN AREA - DAY

Martie sneaks up to Traceys equipment bag, and stealthilyunzips it. Tracey steps up suspiciously.

TRACEYStop stealing my equipment Martie.

Martie digs through the tapes. Its a lot of pre-recordedmaterial such as old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle series.

MARTIEWheres your good tapes? Dont tellme this is what youve been using.

TRACEY

They work dont they?

MARTIENot really. No. You cant record onthese Tracey. What kind of back upcameraman uses Ninja Turtle tapes?

TRACEYIm not the backup cameraman. Ididnt know. Give me back my bag!

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MARTIEJust a tape

The two quietly struggle over the backpack. While Tracy triesto snatch the bag back his CAMBELBACK HYDRATION SYSTEM spraysMartie and his camera.

MARTIEAh gross! What is that stuff?

TRACEYIts my Vitagreen Shake.

MARTIEGreat. Well you got it all over mycamera, it better still run

Their WALKIE squeaks into action.

BURT(OVER WALKIE)

Hey! Ronal wants you in theproduction van. And Tracey, stoptickling Martie.

Tracey grabs his walkie.

TRACEYWere not tickling, werewrestling!

Martie looks kinda grossed out.

TILT up to reveal:

BURT

Watching the two in disgust.

INT. PRODUCTION TRUCK - AFTERNOON

Martie and Tracey jump into the truck, obviously still mad ateach other. Ronal motions for him them to walk to the corner

where his editing station is. He looks both ways, sneakily.

Ronal sniffs.

RONALWhy do you smell like Okra juice?

MARTIE(looks at Tracy)

Ask him.

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Ronal shrugs it off.

RONALWhat would you two say to someMoonshine Treasure?

MARTIEI thought this was all fabricatedby Burt.

RONALWell, knowing Burt he probablythinks he did fabricate it. But Ihave reason to believe this may bea real treasure hunt after all.Ill need some scouts though,recon.

MARTIE

(looking at Traceydoubtfully)

You need both of us?

Tracy scowls at Martie.

RONAL(He hands them each amanilla folder)

I prepared each of you a dossier.

Martie has backed up to Ronals desk and sneakily swipes atape off the desk without looking. The Moonshiner Tape.

RONALOpen these in exactly 47 minutes.Youll find all the info you need.

TRACEYWhat kind of split are we talkingabout?

Martie slips the tape into his jacket.

RONAL

I thought it was obvious. A courtmartial shuffle -- three ways, ifanyones caught, take this.

He hands them each a small pill.

RONALPotassium Cyanide.

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MARTIEI dont know if thats necessary.

RONALWhats the word? Is it a deal?

The two cameramen look at each other uncomfortably. They nod.

TALKING HEAD RONAL

RONALAlkaseltzer.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

EXT. PRODUCTION TRUCK - DAY

Outside the truck Wendell and Teo work on lunch. Wendellmakes an elaborate Jamaican stew with a chicken foot stickingout. Teo totes a cooler of TINAS BURRITOS.

Wendell plays to the camera like its a cooking show.

WINDELLAnd so here we put in just a pinchof jerk seasoning. Like so.

Burt walks up and speaks to Teo in Spanish.

BURT(in Spanish)Toss me a burrito Teo.

TEO(in Spanish)

90 cents.

Burt hands him the coins and Teo fishes out a burrito.

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The two shoot the breeze while Burt unwraps the burrito.

TEO(in Spanish)

What is this episode about?

BURT(in Spanish)Well in this one Charlie learns toappreciate nature and overcome hisfear of plants.

Teo nods.

TEO(in Spanish)

It is so nice this message. InMexico we do not have this kind ofshow for those like Charlie.

TALKING HEAD BURT

BURTI told him Charlie was...

He makes a circle around the ear denoting someone a bit loco.He laughs hard at his own humor, then suddenly stops as herealizes no one else is laughing. He takes a bite of theburrito.

BURTWheres he get all these?

INT. PRODUCTION TRUCK - DAY

Charlie, Ronal and Burt hover around the monitor. They arechecking out the first takes of the day. Burt seemspreoccupied by a letter from the network he's reading.

CHARLIECan you zoom in on my eye rightthere?

RONALI told you, no zooming.

CHARLIEWell it keeps zooming in on Stacey.

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RONALI know, you'd think Stacey's themain character the way Martieshoots this crap.

STACEY looks up from a clipboard. What?

CHARLIEThere! Stop right there! What theheck is going on with my eyes?

Ronal pauses the video. Closeup of Charlie. Heavy eye makeup.

They look at the face on the screen for a moment. Charlielooks over at Burt.

BURTIve been telling you. You looklike an Egyptian princess. That

cant be helping our ratings.

CHARLIEI told her to do it natural! Can'tyou put a filter on there Ronal?

RONAL (SARCASTIC)Yeah.. No.

BURT(Lowers his letter,exasperated)

Listen guys. We're gonna have to

step it up. How the jackal are theygettingbetter ratings than us? They'rejust a couple of rednecks with afat dorky producer.

RONALWho? Danger Dave?

BURTYeah.

RONALDanger Dave is the best show on ournetwork. Possibly on all of TV.

CHARLIENo.

BURTShut up.

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RONALThey have everything we're missing.Charisma, unpredictability, DANGER.

BURTDanger? Those guys are in about as

much danger as your wife right now.

RONALMy wifes

BURTI know.

Burt glances at the camera regretfully.

Ronal swings around and grabs a tape from his shelf. He popsit into the VCR.

RONALSeason 3. Pure television gold. Iedited out the boring parts.

INSERT MONTAGE FROM TAPE:

A series of shots that showcase just how dangerous the showDanger Dave actually is.

-- The rifle goes off while Danger Dave swings it toward thecamera. Safety wasn't on.

-- He's laughing.

-- The rifle swings toward the camera. The cameraman ducks.

-- Fishing. Danger Dave tosses a beer can into the bottom ofthe boat.

-- Danger Dave fires several shots into a bush that's only afew feet away. He reaches in and pulls out a decimated rodentof some kind.

THE CLIP ENDS

Ronal looks at the others. They're impressed.

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EXT. FOREST AREA ONE - DAY

Marty and Wendell are walking through a dense forest area.Both look a bit exhausted and unmotivated. Marty holds a map.Wendell carries a large plastic bin. Awkward to carry.

MARTYHey Wendell, can I ask you atheoretical question?

WINDELLSure.

MARTYIf I was looking for a treasure.And I found it and had to split itup, what would it mean if I did acourt-martial-shuffle split threeways?

WENDELLI think thats where two of you tryto throw thrashing spears at theother from twenty-two stridesapart.

MARTYOh. That sort of makes sense.

WINDELLWhat do you need with this giantconch cooler?

MARTYIt's not a conch cooler, that's our72 hour pack, Wendell.

WENDELLWe can't live 72 hours on cheesybean burritos. Besides, wouldn'tthese fit easily in asmall fanny pack?

MARTY

Fanny pack? Wendell, we're inhillbilly country. What do youwanna get shot?

EXT. FOREST AREA TWO - DAY

Tracey and Teo are deep in the woods as well. Tracey attacksthe forest with vigor, going out of his way to stomp downsmall saplings.

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He runs up to a fallen log, leaning against another tree.

TRACEYTeo! Help me move this!

TEO

Heavy.

TRACEYI know. Work with me.

TEOPeligroso!

CUT TO:

The two shove away at the log. It falls off the other tree.

TEO

Good work Tracey.

TALKING HEAD TEO

TEOTracey's mind not strong. But hismuscles strong.

(in Spanish, to camera)But why did we have to move thetree?

EXT. FOREST AREA ONE - DAY

Martie approaches the top of a thickly wooded hill. Hemotions for Wendell to halt.

MARTYCome here! Crawl.

Wendell approaches.

MARTYI think we're close to that

location on the map. And look downthere.

He points down the hill.

WENDELLA bungalow.

Marty pulls his camera out and peers through the viewfinder.

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POV CAMCORDER:

We see a rundown mountain cabin in a clearing below. Someonemoves behind the window.

WENDELLWhat is it?

MARTYOh my god, is that...

WENDELLWhat do you see?!

MARTYWhat is he doing here?

Marty lowers his camera and looks at Wendell, dumbfounded.

CUT TO:

BLACK

FADE TO:

EXT. WATERFALL LOCATION - AFTERNOON

Charlie paces nervously while Mitchell whittles away at astick.

CHARLIEThe call sheet says 1630, where iseveryone? This is what stresses meout.

MITCHELLTaste this.

He holds the end of the stick out to Charlie. Charlie shakeshis head.

MITCHELLDoghobble. I'll be tarred if itdon't taste like cotton candy.

CHARLIEStacey, do you have the walkietalkie?

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25/34

The video cuts off. Ronal sighs. He doesn't have much to workwith. He jogs the video back, rewinding it.

INSERT VIDEO:

The shot Martie got earlier of the cabin. A shaky zoom in onthe window.

THERE -- A shape in the window. It is... BURT!

Ronal HITS pause. He stares. What's going on?

EXT. PRODUCTION TRUCK ENCAMPMENT - NIGHT

Some tents are set up. A campfire roars. Wendell stirs agiant stew and tosses in a live frog jumping by.

Martie plays his banjo, a wind-down melancholic tune. Hestares wistfully at Stacey but she doesnt notice. She goesthrough an outline of the episode on a clipboard. Only a fewof the scenes have been checked off.

Teo is cooking his burritos over the fire in a rotisseriemethod.

CRASH in the forest. BURT stumbles into the camp. Everyonelooks a bit stunned. He walks by, everyone is speechless.Burt looks disheveled and dirty, a bit less collected thannormal. He makes a line straight for the production truck.

TEO(whispering)

Quien es?

MARTY(whispering)

I think that was Burt.. what's hebeen up to?

INT. PRODUCTION VAN - NIGHT

Charlie sits near Ronal, outfitted in an extravagantbathrobe. He's performing his VO tracks. Ronal supplies someback up synth swells.

CHARLIETime hangs by a Thread! People, yespeople, this is history. I hadnever felt my heart pound away,bapoom, bapoom--

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RONAL--Cut. This isnt making any sense.I don't know if this time code isright. Is this fitting?

CHARLIE

This is for the waterfall rappel.Maybe you could hold on my face fora while, sort of like acontemplative moment. Just me andthe waterfall-

RONALOh. Well we may need to tone thatdown a bit. It's not coming acrossso well on tape.

INSERT VIDEO:

The waterfall clip. Charlie and Mitchell struggle down afairly steep hill, tangled in rope.

MITCHELLThe ONLY reason this descent isdifficult is because you've thrownso much rope upon our path. There'snearly 1000 feet of rope, you couldtie together an entire cattlewrangler

Ronal pauses the tape. Charlie stares at the screen. Yet

another moment of disillusionment with this show. Burtstruggles in behind the two, dirty and tired. They turn.

BURTWhat are you working on here?

CHARLIEWhere've you been Burt? I had towrite the entire voice over myself.

BURTI was location scouting, I found

the perfect spot for themoonshiner's gold REVEAL.

CHARLIEReally? Great news! Great news.

BURTI also saw Danger Dave, and thatidiot producer of his.

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Ronal turns, excited.

BURTTheyre shooting up here too. Hesafter some kinda twelve year olddeer.

RONALA twelve point buck. Theyve beentracking that monster since episode2.

BURTWell I wish theyd stay out of ourhair.

Ronal nods. Burt turns to Charlie.

BURTCharlie, be on your A-gametomorrow. Ill handle your makeup.And no fly fishing lures. Actually,try not to dress like a Japanesefisherman at all.

Charlie laughs.

BURTNo I'm serious.

CHARLIE

Oh.

EXT. CABIN IN WOODS - MORNING

A scene is under way. The crew sneaks into the small cabin.Charlie whispers to the mic.

CHARLIEThis it the rumoured cabin whereOld Man Miller held out for 14 daysagainst the revenue men. And

possibly where he buried his gold.

They enter the cabin. It's full of old fishing magazines andbeer cans.

CHARLIEIt appears as if there's a squatterliving here.

He spots a box in the corner.

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CHARLIEWhat's this? The buried treasuremay be--

He opens the cardboard flap. Pulls out a gallon jug full of amysterious clear liquid.

CHARLIEIts a case of apple cider vinegar.

BURTNo Charlie, just go ahead an putthat back

THEN -- a GUN SHOT!

The camera whips to look out the window. Teo stands therewith his hands in the air. Mitchell has a shotgun aimed at

him.

CHARLIEWhat's going on?

Mitchell snatches the camera away from Martie and dashes off.

CHARLIEMitchell! What are you doing?

Burt turns to the camera.

BURT

Did you get that?

EXT. PRODUCTION VAN - DAY

The forlorn group sits around the van.

MARTIEWhy the heck did he take my camera?

BURTIdiot.

TRACYWell good thing I was shooting B-Roll.

MARTIEYeah right.

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BURTWell we need to get that tape back.It's got all the source info forthis whole moonshine gold crap. Hewas supposed to take Teo not theVideo camera.

MARTIEWhat? Why would you hurt littleTeo.

BURTI didn't want him hurt... I just- Iwanted to improve our ratings. Weneed danger, something lifethreatening. People don't careabout history and steamy voiceovers.

CHARLIEI don't get it. You were gonna havethem kidnap the sound guy? How'sthat help?

BURTDanger Charlie. Danger!

Tracy stands and start booing, motioning for others to joinhim. Some others join in.

TRACYBoo, Burt Boo!

BURT(honestly surprised)

Are you booing me? Stop it! Stopbooing me!

This doesn't help.

BURTOk seriously? Stop guys. Just stop.STOP BOOING!!

MARTIEYou could've killed our sound guy,and burrito guy.

BURTOk. I'm sorry. Can't you see I'mtrying to help the show? If wedon't do something drastic we'll beoff the air in a couple weeks.

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Everyone stops booing except for Tracy.

Wendell covers Tracy's mouth.

WENDELLStop booing.

MARTIEWell I'll need one of your expiredcredit cards to buy a new camera.

BURTNo. We need that tape.

MARTIENo, that was a recycled, it wasjust one of Ronal's cheesyconspiracy shows.

BURTMartie, that tape showed thelocation of the moonshiner's gold,you idiot.

EVERYONEMoonshiner's Gold??

Wendell stands.

WINDELLI can get the tape back.

He has their attention.

CUT TO:

WHITEBOARD PLAN

Wendell in front of complicated white board. Arrows andfigures drawn everywhere.

WINDELLAnd Martie mon, you gotta grab theJoppy Pole there, and you run

around to the back of Reefy Tent,and you light it on fire.

Everyone is puzzled. Martie looks alarmed. He raises hishand.

MARTIEWhat's the Reefy Tent, whatlocation is this?

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Charlie is drawing an identical and equally confusing diagramin his notepad, trying to follow it word for word.

CHARLIEWait.. is this still location 4 onyour diagram?

Burt walks up after a mope session. Everyone stops. He seesthe plan. Thinks for a moment.

BURTRescue operation?

(He nods approvingly)Tracy, you should be taping this.

Tracy smiles and grabs his camera.

BURTCarry on Wendell.

EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY

Martie moves through the woods with his team. He looksthrough his notebook. Everyone is fishing through loose leafsof paper, confusedly.

MARTIEThat guy Wendell comes up with somecrazy plans.

CHARLIE

Oh no! I think my pages got mixedup.

Burt turns to Tracy with the camera.

BURTGet a shot of me pulling my bugspray out.

He holds the bug spray so the label shows clearly.

CHARLIE

Hold on. Look. A covered bridge!Someone please tell me whatlocation we're in!

THEN -- A GUNSHOT. MORE GUNSHOTS.

Everyone ducks. Wendell takes off running toward the shots.

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BURTTracy! Follow him!

Tracy hesitantly gets up and runs after Wendell.

INSERT VIDEO:

Source footage. Wendell dashes through the woods.

He stumbles through the under bush into a clearing. DANGERDAVE and CHIP stand in the clearing triumphantly. Chip hassome sort of debris in his eye.

CHIPYou got something in my eye DangerDave! Dag!

WINDELL

Where is he?

As Burt breaks into the forest we hear some of Danger Dave'ssignature crazy man laugh. Burt mutters under his breath.

He rushes to the BROKEN CAMERA lying there. He grabs it andnotices the tape is missing.

BURT(Bleeeep). They got the tape!

Chip glances at Danger Dave.

Burt catches his breath.

BURTWhere'd they go?

He sniffs the camera. What is that smell?

INTERVIEW: CHIP AND DANGER DAVE

They both sit on a log.

DANGER DAVEYou see a 12 point is like catchinga unicorn. Except... except it has12 horns. A twelvacorn. (slightcackle)

INTERVIEWERBut why did you shoot at Mitchell?

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INTERVIEW: BURT

BURTYou know success isn't alwayswritten in ratings or discoveredtreasure. Sometimes it's in making

smart decisions and puttingtogether a team you can trust.Educating the viewer.

INSERT MONTAGE:

Montage of the team packing up. Charlie wraps up someblisters on his feet. Martie and Tracy argue about how tocoil a cable. Wendell carries a huge amount of equipment intothe van. Ronal supplies a swelling synth track to hismontage.

BURT (V.O.)I can honestly say of all the crewmembers I've ever recruited. Theseguys are fairly competent.. attimes almost very competent. But ifI had to choose a group of peopleto travel around the world with,sharing adventures, mishaps,hardships... I would... I wouldask for a bigger budget. But youknow, we've got something specialhere.

INTERVIEW: BURT

He smiles, having finished his monologue.

BURTYou get that? Good.

CUT TO:

EXT. COVERED BRIDGE - DAY

From a long lens we see Danger Dave and Chip digging away atthe foot of the covered bridge.

FADE OUT.

THE END

32.

"history's mystery" pilot (teleplay)

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