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HK MAGAZINE NO. 1029 FRIDAY, JANuARY 31, 2014 www.hk-magazine.com

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Use your braiiins

How to Survive tHe Zombie ApocAlypSeExorcise your haunted house, get rich off time travel, and other everyday Hong Kong tips

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HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, JAnuARY 31, 2014 3

Where to find us! HK Magazine Media Ltd.

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24dIsH

The food / of love / is in / your eyes

30opEN bAr

Rockabilly loves that old time rock ’n’ roll

46bAcKUp

“Demon Chef“ Alvin Leung makes

himself heard

22trAvEl

Go somewhere romantic. You deserve it

27UpclosE

Sam Lee, Mercury-nominated folk collector

30fIlM

“Blue is the Warmest Color”: more love than lesbian sex

MEMbEr of:

12covEr storY

Managing Hong Kong’s daily irritations

Use your ipad's Qr scanner app to download our tablet version, with all the photos, trailers and extras you just can't get in print!

Publisher and General Manager Greg crandallEditor-in-Chief Zach HinesManaging Editor sarah fungEditor Adam WhiteDeputy Editor Adele WongOnline & Social Media Manager Katie KennyStaff Writers Andrea lo, Kate springer, Evelyn lok Reporter Yannie chan

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219 bc, Italy.

“I’ll tell you one thing for free. Hannibal is never, ever

getting over those mountains. Not with those elephants.”

Ad 15, Jerusalem.

“Jesus Christ? Nah, it’ll never last.”

Ad 632, Mecca.

“Islam? Not long for this world.”

April 15, 1912, North Atlantic ocean.

“Listen, i’m telling you: this ship is totally unsinkable.”

June 28, 1914, sarajevo.

“We can definitely assassinate Archduke Franz

Ferdinand without repercussions. Let’s do it.”

october 28, 1929, Wall street.

“Buy.”

september 30, 1938, Munich.

“Peace in our time.”

May 6, 1937, day of the Hindenburg disaster.

“Oh, the humanity… you could fit onto one of these

modern marvels! Twelve Zeppelins, please.”

october 14, 1962, cuba.

“Move the missiles in. The Americans will back down,

for sure. I’ll tell you that for free.”

April 19, 2010, deepwater Horizon oil rig.

“We’ve got to drill harder, and we’ve got to drill faster.

Damn the regulations! What we need is more oil!”

february 4, 2004, Harvard University.

“I already have MySpace. Pass.”

february 3, 2014, super bowl XlvIII.

“Woo! Go Patriots!”

Accounting firm Deloitte China says that Financial Secretary John Tsang has got his numbers wrong, once again. Tsang has predicted a $4.9 billion budget deficit by the end of March: Deloitte suggests it’s going to be more like a $50.3 billion surplus—meaning he may be off by over $55 billion. Here are a few of the moustachioed maestro’s past predictions.

John Tsang Predicts History

AttENtIoN All rEAdErs!

our amazing tablet app has just moved to a new account.

please download the new version AsAp, or we will be very

disappointed. don’t have our app on your ipad or Android tablet yet?

Get it today—it’s great. find it at hk-magazine.com/hktablet.

pAGE 3

4 HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, JAnuARY 31, 2014

Our favorite smart aleck

answers life’s quandaries

INboXMr. Know-It-All’sGuide to Life

No problem, New Year Noob. Most Chinese

New Year wishes are delivered through the

four-character auspicious wish (say that

six times fast). Commit the following to

memory and your relatives will make it rain

red packets over New Year’s.

恭喜發財 Kung hei fat choy

“Congratulations and prosperity!”

身體健康 sun tai geen hong

“Health to your body.”

學業進步 Hok yeep jun bo

“May your studies progress well.”

心想事成 sum seung see sing or

萬事如意 Man si yu yee

“May your every wish come true.”

老少平安 lo siu ping on

“May young and old be safe/peaceful.”

步步高陞 bo bo go sing

“May your every step take you higher.”

一本萬利 Yut boon man lei

“May one investment bring 10,000 profits.”

財源廣進 choi yuen gwong jun

“May broad fortune spring forth.”

龍馬精神 long ma jing sun

“May you have the spirit of the dragon and

the horse.” This one is generally reserved

for the Year of the Horse and the Year of

the Dragon: perfect timing.

Learn blocks of two intertwined sayings

and reel them off in quick succession

to really impress. Make it as lyrical as

possible, and you’re guaranteed good

wishes from all. And remember Mr. Know-

It-All’s favorite saying of them all. It’s

usually reserved for kids, but: 聰明伶俐,

chong ming ling lei: “May you be clever,

smart and sharp.”

dear Mr. Know-It-All,

I’m just off to “bai leen” and I need to know what to say to all my friends and

relatives, so as to optimize my lai see intake! can you help? – New Year Noob

Private Eye

Mr. Know-It-All answers your questions and quells your urban concerns.

Send queries, troubles or problems to [email protected].

Phoenixphoto by KK

HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, JAnAuRY 31, 2014 5

LettersLetters, photos, musings, rants and raves all welcome:

[email protected]

pant rantA reader wonders whether

school-uniform skirts are

appropriate for girls.

Dear HK Magazine,

Just when I was strolling on a street

yesterday I saw a bunch of high school girls

clenching their coats walking towards me.

I couldn’t help but notice their bare calves,

probably thighs as well. Yes, they were in

their knee-length dress school uniform.

A thought struck me: is that kind of sexist?

Why are primary and high school female

students forced to wear dresses or skirts?

Do the schools or administrations worry

that allowing them to wear trousers like

male students would cause the girls to lose

their femininity?

Will the day come when these girls

can choose to wear pants as uniforms as

they please?

Joey cheung

Via email

damn straight, I’m in love We posted a story on Facebook about

Gigi Chao’s tycoon father Cecil Chao

doubling his offer of a “marriage dowry”

for any man who can win his gay daughter’s

heart. One reader is game.

Where do I sign up? I can be

a butch chick...

Minced pigeon

Via Facebook

story for Ar sirOur interview with politician Jasper Tsang

Yok-sing back in September [Issue 1,010,

Sep 20 2013] made one of his former

students take a trip back to memory lane.

My secondary school teacher Tsang Sir’s

story reminds me of once when I was

in Wong Chuk Hang interviewing for the

post of Police Inspector. I passed by the

academy’s canteen kitchen and the smell

of the food cooking was undescribably

good. I will be BACK!!

Andy chin

Via website

Mourning for MorrieOur online listing for an old show,

“Tuesdays with Morrie,” made one of

our readers weap.

A truly unique version of “Tuesdays

with Morrie.” It brought me to tears.

courtney Yeung

Via website

this Kid rocksOur interview with Hong Kong Kid

SkiBs [Issue 1,006, Aug 23 2013]

has one reader swooning.

He’s one straight up determined and

talented young man. Got his plans and

goals. Wish him the best. Keep causing

a scene. Don’t listen to haters. Peace.

Wendy l tenn

Via website

letter of the Week

125 leighton rd.,

causeway bay, 2336-3909,

www.little-burro.com.

facebook: little burro

Hong Kong

Write in and Win!Got something to say? Write us! Our

letter of the week will receive a festive

$500 CNY package from Little Burro:

two T-shirts, two limited-edition CNY

burritos, and tortilla chips with guac.Phoenix


tHE WEEK

dim sum, but not as you know it

Friday 1/31New Year, Old HabitsKick start the chinese New Year long weekend by staying at home, watching bad TV and gorging on turnip cake. It’s like Christmas all over again.

Saturday 2/1Let the Sparks FlyCatch the fireworks from the sky100 platform at the ICC—then hop 12 floors up to ozone, which is hosting a CNY party featuring funk and deep house beats.fireworks: 8pm. ozone: 10pm. 100 & 112/f, Icc, 1 Austin rd. West, West Kowloon. $150 from cny-ozone.eventbrite.hk; $200 at the door.

A Night At the BalletThe 230-year-old Milan-based La Scala is one

of the most famed ballet companies in the world. They’ll be in Hong Kong to perform “Giselle”—a melancholy masterpiece that’s considered the greatest of all Romantic ballets. Choreographer

Yvette Chauviré works with Adolphe Adam’s melodious score to capture the joys and

dejections of unrequited love. Get your tickets now before it’s too late.

feb 18-22, 7:30pm. Grand theatre, cultural centre, 10 salisbury rd., tsim sha tsui,

$160-820 from www.urbtix.hk.

coMING Up

tHUsAt

Sunday 2/2Out of the GateWhat better way to kick off the Year of the Horse than with a flutter at the races? CNY race day takes place every year at Sha Tin Racecourse, with revelers turning out in force to get drunk try their luck.sha tin racecourse, sha tin. $10 at the door for access to public enclosure.

Monday 2/3You Had Me At HargowEat your way through CNY weekend at The Mira’s cuisine cuisine, which is offering an all-you-can-eat dim sum deal. Free-flow hargow? We may never leave.see New and Noted, p.25.

Tuesday 2/4Local WarmingAccording to the traditional Chinese calendar, today is lap chun, or the first day of spring. Although it might not feel like it—what with the HKO issuing cold weather warnings every hour. In any case, get out and lap it up!

Wednesday 2/5Blast from the PastIf you haven’t managed to go yet, the Maritime Museum’s exhibition, “through the lens of John thomson: Hong Kong and coastal china (1868-1872),” is closing soon. See how people lived way back when Pedder Street was lined with opium dens and the shoreline ran along Des Voeux Road.through feb 16. Maritime Museum, central ferry pier No. 8, Man Kwong st., central, 3713-2500. $30 at the door.

Thursday 2/6Timely Tribute Celebrate the life and legacy of the legendary Nelson Mandela by catching the (regrettably) timely film “Mandela: long Walk to freedom,” opening today.see film listings, p.32.

WEd

Giselle, but you can call her Jezza


NEWs Edited by Yannie [email protected] Twitter: @yanniecsy

“They may not be able to get on the MTR and will need to wait for the next train.”Commerce and Economic Development Chief Gregory

so Kam-leung is irritatingly pragmatic about the impact

an increase in tourists will have on Hongkongers. According

to updated government forecasts, Hong Kong will see

100 million tourists visit annually within 10 years, a jump

from 54.3 million in 2013. Activist Roy Tam said the impact

has already been felt, having once waited for six trains at

Admiralty station before he could board one.

Mon 20lone soldier A man stages an assembly

outside the People’s Liberation Army headquarters,

demanding that the army should leave Hong Kong.

He claims there will be several participants, but

nobody shows up. He believes that’s fine, as long

as his own opinion is heard.

tue 21Junk debts A 49-year-old man is sentenced to

six years in prison for owning more than 9,000

counterfeit credit cards. last November, the police

found 9,147 counterfeit credit cards at his Yau tong

residence. Assuming that each card has a

$10,000 credit limit, the fraud could have

involved more than $90 million.

fri 24book scam A 56-year-old man is

convicted for posing as a representative

from Beijing’s liaison office in Hong Kong,

scamming a total of more than $30 million in

advertising fees for an “official” publication.

Last April, the man interviewed Tung Wah

Group of Hospitals’ vice chairman Lee Yuk-

lun. After asking Lee three questions about

China, he began requesting advertising fees.

In a sting operation, the police made the

arrest when Lee handed over the check.

thu 23family feud At around 10pm, a 58-year-old

man, allegedly a member of the 14K triad,

is arrested for mobilizing several followers

to threaten his sisters over some jewelry

and cash. on January 13, after their

mother died, the man asked his sisters to

give him the jewelry and $40,000 that his

mother left behind. they refused.

Wed 22sleepy Heads At 8:30am, Lecgo’s housing panel meets to discuss the policies suggested

in the policy address. Sixteen lawmakers promise to attend, but 15 minutes into the meeting

only four show up—half of the minimum required. The meeting is dismissed. It’s the fourth time

a meeting has been called off since 2002. “Longhair” Leung Kwok-hung says that he stayed in

Legco overnight to make sure he doesn’t miss the meeting, but he overslept.

Article 23, resurrected?There’s talk in Beijing of reintroducing national security law Article 23 to Hong Kong,

after four people broke into the People’s Liberation Army barracks. Wang Zhenmin, leading

mainland legal expert and former Basic Law committee member, saw the incident as an

overt challenge to national sovereignty. A Beijing think tank on Hong Kong and Macau

affairs also reportedly warned against the Hong Kong Independence movement,

saying that the group Hongkongers First now has more than 24,000 members, based on

Facebook likes. Senior government officials including Carrie Lam and CY Leung made it

clear that they have no plans to go ahead with Article 23 any time soon.

our take: Two words: CONTROL FREAKS.

Heung Yee Kuk’s political AmbitionsThe New Territories rural council, the Heung Yee Kuk, has set up an election committee,

with plans for members to stand in the 2016 district and legislative council elections.

chairman lau Wong-fat said these ambitions came after failing to stop the incorporation

of Tai Long Sai Wan enclave into the Sai Kung country parks. In another showdown with

the government, a sheung shui village head has threatened to occupy a tunnel

with thousands of villagers if the government does not increase their compensation for

demolishing his village to make way for a new town.

our take: You mean the Kuk ISN’T a political party already?

Erwiana’s boss faces chargeslo Wan-tun, the ex-employer and alleged abuser of Indonesian domestic helper

Erwiana sulistyaningsih, was arrested at the airport early last week while trying to leave

for Thailand. She now faces seven charges, for assaulting not only the 23-year-old Erwiana

but two other foreign domestic helpers. The 44-year-old was released on a $1 million

bail until her next hearing on March 25. She claims she wasn’t running off, but was merely

going on a vacation to relax. When the police took the woman back to her Tseung Kwan

O apartment to collect evidence, dozens of foreign domestic helpers gathered around the

building and erupted in cheers over her arrest.

our take: The case should not end with the court trials. It’s time to look at prevention.

Illustrations: cecilia cheng

Last Week In Reality Talking Points

Quote of the Week

We read the news, so you don’t have to.

ph

oto

: No

ratam/s

cM

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sat 18falsetto Alarm At around 2pm, a police commander in Sha Tin begins an operation to identify a

suspected mole within the team. Suspicions were raised on Wednesday when the police were about

to bust an illegal gambling circle, and someone made a false 999 call about an accident nearby,

alerting the gamblers. The commander gathers some 40 police officers involved in the operation,

gets them to act out the four sentences uttered in the false 999 call, and compares them with the

recording. Seven suspects are subject to further investigation. Officers call the method unfair.

sun 19Hey, Mr dJ A manhunt begins for a man

who was caught filming up a woman’s skirt

on the train. the act was captured in a viral

video, and some netizens identify a 34-year-

old Hongkonger based on the man’s yellow

glasses. His facebook page is flooded with

insulting comments, causing him to lose his

night job as a dJ. realizing what happened,

the man provides a solid alibi. He has filed

a case with police, but remains jobless.

chip tsao is a best-selling author, columnist

and a former producer for the bbc. His columns

have also appeared in Apple daily, Next Magazine

and cUp Magazine, among others.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT with Chip Tsao


The Year of the HorseIt is most curious to see the Year of

the Horse come up only once every

12 years. In Hong Kong, with the powerful

presence of the Jockey Club, every year

is marked with a zealous celebration

of the horse, thanks to this long-lasting

cultural import of colonialism.

We have proudly influenced

our mainland countrymen in the

appreciation of the animal. Guangzhou

once briefly cloned the Jockey Club and

built its own racing course in the 1990s,

although it was closed down because of

rigged results and corruption. Chinese

tourists now like to tour the racecourses

at Happy Valley and Sha Tin and gawk

at feverish local gamblers. But they may

hardly be able to figure out complicated

betting methods with all the curious

professional jargon like “quinella,” “daily

double” and “trifecta.” Nor are they used

to concepts like a “photo finish”—when

a few horses dash across the finishing

line, the winner should, according to

a mindset governed by the common

sense fostered by daily life in their

country, always turn out to be the one

with the heaviest bet on it placed by

the son or daughter or mistress of a

certain senior Communist Party official.

So even if a photo were taken, they

would assume higher powers upstairs

must be waiting quietly for a phone

call telling them which way to call it.

And only one race per half an

hour is ages to wait. Chinese gamblers

prefer the roulette or the Blackjack

table, which are as quick and efficient

as the guillotine. It is thus no surprise

that Macau has long been the winner in

terms of turnover, whereas the Jockey

Club is secretly worried that the young

cyber-aged generation of Hong Kong is

less drawn to gambling on horses

than their fathers and grandfathers

are. The fat American bosses in Las

Vegas, rather than the wicked British

colonialists, might have the last laugh

in the century-long brainwashing of

the Chinese.

But as the mainland Chinese big

spender class sweeps around the world

wringing out every drop of resource

for themselves with hot cash, things

are beginning to change. Nobody

would have thought that vineyards in

southern France would be falling into

Chinese hands faster than Paris to the

Third Reich in 1940. The world of racing

is not immune. Mainland billionaires

are toying with the idea of buying up

stables in Australia and breeding their

own pedigrees. This would be more

challenging and exciting than owning

a few vineyards in Provence, where

the only wrinkle is deciding which

corner of your land to convert into a

tea plantation and a golden Buddhist

temple. Not far removed from their

peasant origins, the nouveau-riche

mainlanders are confident that horses

can be bred as easily as hogs and

chickens. It would be a better education

to fly their six-year-old-son and three-

year-old daughter by private jet from

Xian to Queensland, as the family howls

in heated debate over which stop is

best for their shopping—Sydney or

Melbourne: or perhaps the madam’s

insistence on flying straight to Paris

as horses on the lawn look boring,

especially compared to the latest Louis

Vuitton bags displayed in shop windows.

The future is here to take the world at

a gallop into a more dustily prosperous

Year of the Horse.


UpfroNtStreet TalkHongKabulary

HK Magazine: How is a dictionary made?Wong Yuk-lun: Publishing a standard

first edition dictionary takes around five

to six years. Take a dictionary of Chinese

idioms which I was in charge of. Other

than referring to the recommended list

of idioms by the Education Bureau, I read

through Chinese textbooks and made a list

of around 10,000 frequently used idioms.

Then I selected 2,000 out of the list, and

submitted the selections to the panel. After

that, we drafted a definition and a sentence

example for each of the idioms. Finally, we

proofread the draft six times—which took

around three years.

HK: What’s the dictionary publishing industry like in Hong Kong?WYl: It was never really big, even when

I started in 1990. The major Chinese

dictionaries were written in China. When

we’re publishing a larger-scale dictionary,

I pitch in vocabulary only used in Hong Kong

to our mainland colleagues, such as “MPF”

or “public housing estate,” both phrases

foreign to the mainland experts.

HK: does that mean you get to decide what words go into the dictionary? WYl: Yes, but the selection is based on an

objective set of criteria. For more advanced

dictionaries, we start including vocabulary

related to social issues. “Low-carbon” and

“blogger” are some examples.

HK: How do you stay up-to-date with new phrases and usages?WYl: I follow trends very closely, by reading

newspapers and magazines in Hong Kong,

the mainland and Taiwan. For example,

I heard on the news that Premier Li Keqiang

used the Cantonese slang phrase cheung

sui, “sing badly,” which means “to bad-

mouth”—so I made a note to consider

including the phrase in the dictionary.

HK: What do you like about words? WYl: Chinese words mean more than their

current meaning. By tracing how phrases

come about, you understand the way people

think. Take the phrase dou duk, “moral.” The

first word comes from “the rules of nature”

and the second word means “virtues of the

mind,” showing how important morals were

to the Chinese people in the past. Words

nowadays, such as “bulk purchase” and

“flash marriage,” betray a new emphasis on

speed and efficiency.

HK: Have you ever made any serious mistakes in a dictionary? WYl: Let me just say that accuracy is

extremely important for dictionaries. Without

the standardization of meaning, it could lead

to misunderstanding and disputes within

society. That explains why I felt struck by a

lightning bolt the moment I realized I used a

wrong word for a Chinese idiom, “a mix of

sadness and happiness.” Instead of “mix,”

I put down “attack,” which sounds the same.

I remained horrified for a very long time.

HK: How has making dictionaries changed? WYl: One major breakthrough is the switch

to using Microsoft Word for all the stages.

In the 90s, there was no computer, and we

used only paper.

HK: How has the chinese language been changing? WYl: The rate at which new words are

formed has increased. Meaning changes

more rapidly, probably due to more frequent

interactions between languages. Western

culture has long influenced our language,

but interestingly Chinese has been changing

English quite a bit as well. Tuhao, which

means China’s rich and often tasteless

population, and guanxi, which refers to the

Chinese and their complicated system of

relationships, are some examples.

HK: do you think cantonese is eroded by other languages? WYl: Cantonese now includes more and

more phrases used in the mainland, but

the changes go both ways. Standardized

Chinese includes local slang like yum cha,

and sau sun—which literally means “hand-

letter” and figuratively “souvenir.”

pick up a chinese or English-to-chinese

dictionary published by longman to check

out Wong’s work.

Lost for words? Meet the last remaining dictionary editor

in Hong Kong. Wong Yuk-lun writes and edits Chinese and

English-to-Chinese dictionaries at Pearson. He talks to Yannie

Chan about the makings of dictionaries, his passion for words,

and what he learns from writing dictionary entries.

Moot Loot (mu:t lu:t), n.The random, pointless free stuff that stores such as Watson’s and Mannings foist on you when you make a purchase. “I went to Mannings to buy some shampoo and I got whole bunch of moot loot—three bottles of corn oil, six packs of tissues, and a terrapin vivarium.”

HONG KONG—Pok Fu Lam villagers celebrate a good radish harvest

at a New Year’s community carnival. (Felix Wong/SCMP)

Caption This

“Steamy Singles” Night An unqualified Success

HongKabulary

oscAr tHE GroUcH bUrNEd AlIvE

DIM SuM DEMON SuMMONED IN DELICIOuS HEATHEN RITuAL

➢ frying up a plate full of delicious, sticky New Year’s

cake. Eating it all.

➢ visiting the bustling New Year’s market,

to remember what a human’s touch feels like.

Fast Facts

➢ setting off a single firework, before dousing

the fuse with your tears.

➢ A big hotpot banquet! table for one, please.

➢ Giving lai see to yourself.

Kung Hei fat God Why The saddest Chinese New Year traditions.

The hong Kong Survival guideFoolproof steps to tackle Hong Kong’s quotidian problems. By Adam White

W e’ve all been there. It’s a gentle Sunday afternoon. The markets are bustling,

ferries are meandering through the harbor, and then suddenly a zombie pandemic threatens to consume the entirety of Sheung Wan, Central and even Admiralty. Happens all the time. This is just one of the many issues we constantly face as Hongkongers, so we’ve put together this guide to get you through those annoying, everyday urban problems.

No one knows how it happens. A mutation of bird flu? A dormant strain of SARS? But the facts are simple: one morning you wake up, and nearly everyone you know has adopted a shambolic gait, a slack-jawed leer, and a burning desire for braaaaaiiins. Here’s what to do.

1. Tool up.You’re going to need weapons in a post-zombie world. You could break into an LCSD lockup and claim a chainsaw, but we’d advise waiting for the government to collapse before doing that. Until then, get good with other weapons. The HK Archery centre (Shop 902, 20 Hillwood Rd., Jordan, 2739-8969, www.hk-archerycentre.com) sells pro-level archery equipment and offers one-to-one tuition for $500 per session Mon-Fri, or $600 on Saturdays.

2. read up.There’s no better rule of survival than learning from the mistakes of others. Make a flying visit to

clark’s comics (B7, B/F, Causeway Bay Centre, 15-23 Sugar St., Causeway Bay, 2890-7718) to stock up on back issues of hit zombie comic “The Walking Dead.” Then head to lilliput tales (The Crafties, 1/F, Sing Kui Commercial Building, 27 Des Voeux Rd. West, Sheung Wan, 9525-1531, www.lilliputtales.com) and pick up a “Walking Dead”-themed mossarium (prices from $580-1,800). After all: forewarned against the zombie hordes is forearmed. Until they eat your forearm.

3. get to a defensible Position.Climb to high ground with a view. Tactically speaking, we’d recommend the terrace at sevva (25/F, Prince’s Building, 10 Chater Rd., Central, 2537-1388) as it offers limited entrances, venue-exclusive lifts, and clear lines of sight over Statue Square—invaluable if you have to start defending your position.

Alternatively, fight your way to a military barracks. stanley fort is a PLA garrison originally built in 1841, and the site of a last stand against invading Japanese forces in WWII. It might as well be the site of your last

how to Survive the hong Kong Zombie apocalypse


Oh crap! You’ve opened the door and who’s standing there but your Made in China clone! It looks like you, acts like you, and speaks Putonghua one heck of a lot better. You realize immediately that there is not enough room in the world for both of you. You attack, simultaneously: but of course, you fight to a standstill. Your clone knows your every move, and vice versa. Your only hope is to capitalize on your only difference: your inherent, snobby sense of superiority as a Hongkonger.

1. run interference.Confuse your mainland clone by taking him for a meal at tin lung Heen (102/F, The Ritz-Carlton, 1 Austin Rd. West, West Kowloon, 2263-2263), where your Shanghainese alter ego can be charged thousands of dollars for an unsparingly lavish fine-dine meal. Hope that your clone is a stereotypically ill-mannered mainlander who will balk at the prices, and not a refined person of class, distinction and loads of cash.

2. orchestrate a Battle of Wits. Place two cups in front of you. One of them contains a fine Bordeaux; the other

a horrendous glass of maotai. If they choose the Bordeaux, they win. Choose the maotai, and they’re hauled away by the ICAC for accepting a bribe. Which cup to choose?

Answer: Both cups contain Bordeaux. You just called the ICAC and bribed them into arresting your clone.

3. accept the inevitable.You cannot hope to defeat someone who has the exact same brain as you. Instead of fighting them, join them. After all: the clones that work together, crush humanity under their boot together. Retreat to the I-spa (InterContinental Hong Kong, 18 Salisbury Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui, 2721-1211) at the InterContinental for the “Romance Indulgence for Two” spa package, which comes with a 30-minute Jacuzzi bath followed by a steam shower, mineral salt scrub and an aroma massage. Bubbly, a healthy lunch and free roam of the spa’s facilities are also included, all for $4,180 per couple. Afterwards, go for a Valentine’s couples’ sushi-making session at Masu (Shop A, UG/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central, 2537-7787). The class costs $1,160 per couple, Feb 14 and 15 only. Best clones 4 life!

how to defeat your Mainland Clone

stand too. Alternatively, you could make your way to the Museum of coastal defense (175 Tung Hei Rd., Shau Kei Wan, 2569-1500). This was originally the Lei Yue Mun Fort, built to defend the harbor. With several gun batteries, a torpedo station covering the harbor, and lots of literature about defense of the territory, you might be able to hold out here: even zombies are weak against torpedos.

4. evac via heli.There’s a good chance that the PLA will fly in to rescue you in a helicopter, but will meet with some mishap and the pilot will be dragged screaming out of the cockpit as his entrails are torn from his body. So make sure you know how to fly a heli. the Hong Kong Aviation club (www.aviationclub.hk) will teach you to fly, but gaining a Private Pilot’s Licence (Helicopter) involves at least 40 hours of flight training, and about $140,000, plus club membership fees that can stretch to around $200,000. Not cheap. Perhaps you could glean the basics from a helicopter tour of Victoria Harbour from Heliservices (2802-0200, www.heliservices.com.hk), starting at $1,200 per seat. OK, you’re ready to bug out—but where to go? Wait, what’s that groaning from the seat behind you? Is it… a zombie???

5. Braaaaiiiinns.Oh dear. You appear to have been bitten. You don’t have long. With your last ounce of humanity, ditch the heli in Macau and head to toung King (1C Rotunda da Carlos Da Maia, Macau, (+853) 2856-0037) in the Three Lamps District for a MOP25 bowl of pig’s brain noodles. You may be turning into a terrifying member of the undead: but you can do it with taste.


So a giant portal has opened underneath the sea, and now ever-more-enormous beasties have emerged to lay waste to our world. Humanity has only one hope, and that hope... is you.

1. Know your enemy.Visit the Hong Kong film Archive (50 Lei King Rd., Sai Wan Ho, 2739-2139) to read up on all forms of giant threats to the nation. See if you can track down the Shaw Brothers’ 1977 “The Mighty Peking Man,” which is a “King Kong” rip-off; or 1975’s “The Super Inframan,” an “Ultraman” rip-off.

2(a). Build a Sea Wall.Here’s a guaranteed way of keeping your big nasty creatures out of our city: a big wall. Go see it at plover cove reservoir—this massive reservoir built in the 1960s was the first in the world to create a freshwater lake from the sea, and it sported the largest dam on Earth at the

time of its construction. It’s a beautiful hike and a gentle bike ride. Oh, the Kaiju’s gone through it like a knife through tofu. Better go back to the basics…

2(b). Build a giant robot.You’re going to need some expertise. Fortunately, HKU is home to the Advanced robotics Initiative, a group specializing in the development of human/machine interfaces. And then there’s cyber robotics technology (10H, World Tech Centre, 95 How Ming St., Kwun Tong, 3426-9573, www.robotics.com.hk) which sells the state-of-the-art Darwin-OP robot, an open-platform humanoid created in order to help researchers develop better and greater advances in artificial intelligence. Admittedly, it’s under half a meter tall and costs $98,000, but hey—you got a better idea?

p.s. A giant robot is called a “jaeger,” which is German for “hunter.” Can’t pronounce it? Take some German lessons from the Goethe-Institut Hong Kong (14/F, Hong Kong Arts Centre, 2 Harbour Rd., Wan Chai,

2802-0088, www.goethe.de). The institute’s website also offers valuable resources.

3. Kick Some Butt.You’re suited up in a giant robot of war, hopefully with your ass-kicking sibling or love interest alongside. Hope you’ve learned to fight. What better martial art to learn than tai chi, which specializes in redirecting the energy of your (occasionally building-sized) attacker? Learn traditional Wu-style tai chi at The Wu tai chi chuan Academy (Flat A-B, 14/F, Booman House, 37U Jordan Rd., Jordan, 2388-4831, www.wustylehk.com). Class bundles range from $800-1,500.

4. Profit.Stock up on kaiju eyeballs, brains and organs after you’ve defeated the creatures. Dry them in the sun for a while. Then it’s off to des voeux road West in Sheung Wan, where you can sell them for an enormous profit. After all—it’s the Hong Kong way.

how to Fend off a Kaiju attack


You were tinkering around in the lab one day when you accidentally got sucked into a time portal, waking up in 1842 Hong Kong. What’s the best way of getting ahead in this wild wild east?

1. deal drugs.Opium is big business. Find a supplier in India, and export it into China. Everyone else is doing it. Too morally questionable for your 21st-century ethics? Then...

2. go into land.Buy as much as you can, as early as you can. Everyone will laugh at you, but in 2014 when every street in town is named after you, who’s gonna be laughing then?

3. Change Your name.Then again, the fastest way to succeed is to change your name to “Jardine” or “Matheson.” In Hong Kong, you’ll need to change it via deed poll, which involves having a solicitor draw up and witness a document stating 1) you are abandoning your previous name, 2) you will be using your new name, and 3) all people must address you by your new name. This will cost you upwards of $500. Even in 1842. On the bright side, stick $500 in a bank account now, and the interest will make you a rich man, if you ever get back to 2014.

4. Sleep With no one.Lest you conceive your own great-grandparents. The timeline is messed up enough as it is without your siring yourself through some unpalatable paradox.

5. establish a Mixed-race empire.There’s nothing for it: you appear to be trapped in the past. Embrace the paradoxes and start a eurasian dynasty to wrest control of the burgeoning Hong Kong from your colonial brethren. The Ho/Hotung family has done it before, so why shouldn’t you as well? Marry someone of a differing ethnicity, have attractive kids, and go into business. It’s as easy as that.

how to Prosper in the Past


Jeez. You’ve come home and there’s an ethereal Asian presence hanging around the flat. There’s a chance it could be a benevolent spirit, but if you’re getting evil vibes then you’re going to have to bust that ghost.

1. identify your ghost.If you think your flat is haunted, cross-reference it with property site Squarefoot’s Haunted House database (www.squarefoot.com.hk/haunted). That could give you an idea of what tormented spirit you’re dealing with.

2. dispel that Bad Boy.Get spirits exorcised with the help of Master Kan (www.facebook.com/JianXinHui), who’s made his name by dealing with the supernatural. He specializes in curing victims who have been possessed by evil spirits, and he’s stepped into the public eye as a guest star on iCable’s long-running paranormal series “The Unbelievable.” Alternatively, you could call on the powers of the ghost-vanquishing spirit Zhong Kui to help you. But at least Master Kan has a website.

3. restore your Fortunes.If you’ve been cursed, wish your luck back at the enormous sik sik Yuen Wong tai sin temple (2 Chuk Yuen Village, Wong Tai Sin, 2327-8141). The temple claims to make wishes come true: and failing that, you can tell your own fortune via kau cim sticks, which you shake on to the floor and interpret. Oh look: it says, “Ghosts don’t exist.”

4. get Forewarned.If you know about any potential hauntings in the future, you’ll be able to stay the hell away. Look for tse po-loy at the night market on Temple Street—he and his cute bird claim to be able to predict what the future has in store for you. His stall is the one with the bird cage.

5. avoid the Following elementary errors.Looking twice in mirrors. Splitting up. Hooking up. Skinny dipping. Setting foot in the woods. Dropping your phone. Answering the phone if it’s an unknown number. Going into that one room. Whatever you do, just don’t go into that room.

how to exorcise a Chinese haunting


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GEt MorE oUt of HK | SHOPPING + TRAVEL + DINING + HEALTH & BEAUTY | Edited by Katie Kenny

Paradise LustLet’s be real: Valentine’s Day isn’t about love and

affection any more. No, it’s about lacy gifts and sweet,

sweet love-making. Sorry St. V. We appreciate what

you were going for—but it’s been a long, lonely winter.

Intimissimi fW13 collection: corset, $599;

bottoms, $249. G/f, peter building, 62 Queen’s rd.

central, 2399-7080, www.intimissimi.com.

SHOPPING


LOOKBOOKwith Katie Kenny

SHOPPINGLOOKBOOKwith Katie Kenny

Confession: I’m more of a fan of mismatching lingerie and bikinis.

Blasphemy, I know. But after a week of combing through lingerie sets

(and so many boobs!) I may be willing to give this whole matchy-matchy

thing the old college try—especially with that gorgeous set from Sheer.

the powder roomwww.thepowderroom.com.hk.

private shop2/F, Sogo Department Store, 555 Hennessy Rd., Causeway Bay, 2833-2415.

la perlaShop 306, 3/F, Pacific Place, 88 Queensway, Admiralty, 2118-3977.

sheer4/F, W Place, 52 Wyndham St., Central, 2147-3887.

showtime concepts2/F, Shama Place, 30 Hollywood Rd., Central, 2530-3309.

IntimissimiG/F, Peter Building, 62 Queen’s Rd. Central, 2399-7080.

HOT OPENINGS

Email me at [email protected], tweet me @Katie_Kenny or tag me on Instagram @katekatiekatharine.

the powder roomSet, $580

sheerBra, $1,190;

Bottoms, $1,320

showtime concepts Bra, $650

la perlaSet, $4,450

la perlaCorset, $TBC

Intimissimi Slip, $699

private shopSet, $1,508

Ash No QuestionsNothing to do with Feb 14, but Italian shoe brand Ash has just opened its first shop in TST (yes it’s the dark side, Centralites, but don’t worry—there’s a nice little boat to take you there and back) and it looks to be stocked with the brand’s trademark colorful wedge sneakers and studded ankle boots. And only a few months before they bring out their perfect gladiator sandals—squee!!

shop ot309, 3/f, ocean terminal, Harbour city, 3-27 canton rd., tsim sha tsui, 2118-2450.

Upstairs downstairsHey boys, looking to spoil the missus this Valentine’s? There’s a new Hong Kong-based online concierge ready and willing to help you find that special something. Sign up and then sit back and relax as butlur helps you pick out lingerie (sizeand all), choccies, champers and flowers in a customized gift set. The lacy one above is going for $1,700, which isn’t too bad… unless you’re still trying to play it cool.

5173-3958, www.butlur.com.

Jsenses_all_375x265_HK_magazine.pdf 1 24/1/14 3:07 PM


ESCAPE ROuTES with Kate Springer

TRAVEL

Heaven at One ElevenIt’s that time of year again—you know, when you pretend like you’re splurging on your sweetheart but really you’re even more excited to shower yourself in great food, mountains of chocolate and—hell, why not—a trip for two to Bali. Because who wouldn’t love a 350-square-meter villa, two-hour massage treatment, private pool, chocolate truffles, candle-lit sushi dinner, free sparkling wine, private butler and goose down pillows? That’s what you’ll get if you book one Eleven bali’s romantic two-night package this February. The resort is a love nest itself, with just nine contemporary villas— all decked out in clean stone and warm wood. Plus you’ll be in Bali. What’s not to love?

two night package from Us$1,100 ($8,534). 3 Jalan pangkung sari, badung, bali, Indonesia, (+62) 3-6173-1343, www.111resorts.com.

Singapore FlingIt’s sizzling in Sentosa this month thanks to some saucy packages the W singapore sentosa cove has put together for St. Valentine. No, the saint himself won’t be able to attend—he’s busy herding cherubs in time for the big day—but you and your squeeze can take part in your own love story with the “Reel Love” promotion (from SGD350 ($2,120)), which starts with a five-course meal at W’s Skirt steakhouse. Inspired by cinema’s best romantic flicks, the menu is packed with sexy combos, such as seared scallop with champagne foam and rose petals, lobster ceviche, or grapefruit and chicken liver pate. And, most importantly, a bottle of Prosecco or Veuve Clicquot Rosé is also included. If you’d rather dine in bed—yeah, we wish we could wear bathrobes in public too—the “Shhh… Do Not Disturb” deal (from SGD300 ($1,815)) includes a tapas dinner for two, Prosecco or wine and whimsical desserts.

rooms from sGd485 ($2,947), not including dining packages. 21 ocean Way, sentosa, singapore, (+65) 6808-7288,

www.wsingaporesentosacove.com/vday.

Soul Decision Are you one of those super-healthy couples? Napasai by orient-Express in Koh Samui has a guilt-free package: the “Body and Soul Uplift” promotion focuses on combining fitness, exploration and calorie-conscious fare. During your three-day stay in a beachfront villa, you and your partner will get to take on a Muay Thai Boxing instructor in three private sessions, learn to meditate, knock out some circuit-training with a personal trainer and put your feet up for two massage treatments each. Most of your meals are included too, with lean lunch and dinner options at the hotel’s Lai Thai restaurant. The resort itself is not too shabby either, with a sprawling private beach, organic gardens and a 20-acre forest. Sounds like a healthy decision to me!

three-night package from tHb48,480 ($11,406). 65/10 baan tai, Maenam, Koh samui, thailand, (+66) 77-429-200,

www.orient-express.com.

#HKTravels Here are this week’s top Twitter and Facebook travel tips from our readers!

I'd suggest CoCo Tams in Fisherman's Village on Samui (tiny.cc/hk-cocotams)… you don't have to set foot in Chaweng (aka land of drunk Aussies and wet T-shirt competitions) for your whole trip. #hktravels

christina Wylie via Facebook

Pre-plan and pre-book any transport and accommodation over the Chinese New Year holiday period, otherwise you'll end up traveling on the roof of a van and spending a night in a brothel for a bed…

lexi boddy via Facebook

@AgentIntheEast Hike up the #MountKinabalu! You need to book sleeping space in the lodges though and get some practice hikes in! #hktravels

Have a travel recommendation you’re itching to share? Email me at [email protected] or tweet me @Katespringer, #hktravels.

Napasai: reflect at the pool

valentine’s special!

one of 11 reasons to go to bali this feb

An uplifting morning at Napasai

It’s free!

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Download the app today.

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DINING


In the Food For LoveAs the saying goes: you can’t love well if you haven’t dined well. Do both on Valentine’s Day. By Jayson Albano

If you don’t live in the film “Notting Hill,” then it might not be so easy to stand in front of someone and ask them to love you—but with the perfect restaurant to set the mood, maybe you won’t have to. Get your seats booked before you end up proposing inside a McDonald’s.

For Valentine’s HipstersSo over the standard Valentine’s Day menu? Jashan can give a romantic French eatery a run for its money. It has created a four-course menu with a glass of Prosecco, priced at $598 per couple. Think tandoori salmon tikka, or the “Awadhi murgh handi,” a chicken dish which originated in the royal kitchens of Lucknow. Finish on a sweet note with carrots cooked with milk and nuts, or rasmalai paneer balls, poached in milk infused with saffron and cardamom. feb 10-14. 1/f, Amber lodge, 23 Hollywood rd., central, 3105-5300.

For the Health-ConsciousLooking for a light meal? chez patrick’s three-course Valentine’s meal is inspired by ingredients which symbolize love and affection. The set ($688 for two) comes with individual dishes as well as sharing platters, allowing guests to choose from salmon, foie gras or a traditional French soup for starter; braised beef or quail for main; and red velvet opera cake or French cheeses for dessert. Ahh, French cheese: the most love-filled of all foodstuffs. feb 14-16. 2/f, Garden East, 222 Queen’s rd. East, Wan chai, 2541-1401.

For SingletonsDon’t have a date on Valentine’s? Don’t stay at home and stew: make your way to stone Nullah tavern. The “New American” resto is going back to a time before Whatsapp, e-mails and SnapChat, a time when handwritten mail was romantic and time-consuming. Post boxes, notelets and envelopes will be placed at each table: if you see someone you’re into nearby, you can pen them anonymous missives. Ladies drink for free all night with any order, and Motown and soul tunes will get the letters really flowing. feb 14. G/f, 69 stone Nullah lane, Wan chai, 3182-0128.

For Over-sharersA candle-lit dinner for two, with a twist. Agnès b. le pain Grillé is serving up a five-course meal that includes seafood, truffles, abalone and wagyu—not all at the same time. With two options for each course, the menu is designed so that you and your partner can order both dishes from each course, to share. There’s also a surprise dessert to end things on a sweet note, as well as a small gift to take home. The meal for two will set you back $1,680. feb 7-14. 15/f, cubus, 1 Hoi ping rd., causeway bay, 2577-2718.

For Old-School CasanovasIf you’re a sucker for the classics, this one’s for you. For $650, Parisian restaurant saint-Germain is serving up a four-course menu, complete with a glass of champagne and a rose to melt the hardest of hearts. Think scallops dressed with a mussel and mushroom sauce, followed by pan-fried foie gras complemented with a sweet wine reduction, alongside a herb salad and glazed baby onions. Then there’s rosemary-roasted turbot with Pommes Anna—a classic French dish of sliced potatoes layered and cooked in butter. Top it off with a chocolate platter: a trio of chocolate fondant, chocolate ice cream and chocolate mousse. It’s only available on the actual day—so don’t blink or you’ll miss it.feb 14. G/f, 1A Wong Nai chung rd., Happy valley, 2836-6131.

For Japanese FanaticsGo for a Japanese kaiseki fine-dine experience at Kazuo okada, which is offering two Valentine’s Day menus, costing $1,688 and $1,988, respectively, for a seven- or eight-course meal for two. Included is the signature Kisetsu-no-Otodoke, a.k.a. “seasonal offerings”: an appetizer and soup that changes according to what’s fresh. You’ll also get crab with egg tofu, marinated sardines and Shigureni-style duck with oysters.feb 11-16. 5/f, Harbourfront landmark, 11 Wan Hoi st., Hung Hom, 3746-2722.

Agnès b.: Martyred in the name of lovedo it differently at Jashan

one omakase away from true love at Kazuo okada

Mi-so romantic at Kazuo okada

AphrodisisnacksOysters, chocolate, tiger penis… we all know about the regular aphrodisiacs. But have you heard of these loin-stirrers?

AvocadoThe Aztecs used to call the avocado tree the “Testicle Tree,” because of the way the fruit hangs low, in pairs. They even went so far as to keep it away from women because of how suggestive it is. Today, we know that avocados have nutrients that benefit our sexual health, including the “sex vitamin” Vitamin E.

balutPhilippine specialty balut it is a half-formed duck fetus complete with feathers and sometimes even a tiny beak and eyes. It’s seen as an aphrodisiac, possibly because of its high protein content. In any case, people believe it increases sexual desire—it’s claimed to be as effective as natural male enhancement pills.

cobra bloodPopular in Southern China as well as Southeast Asia, what makes cobra blood so potent is the fact that the creature’s so damn difficult to catch. People who get their hands on a glass sometimes choose to drink it mixed with alcohol. Maybe stick to the oysters.

ElevatorsYou know the scene: you and someone way out of your league get trapped in an elevator, and you end up getting steamy. Or maybe you’ve pressed the emergency stop button on purpose. Whatever it is, there’s something about being trapped in close quarters (and being discreetly taped) that gets some people going.

barry WhiteIs there any music more mood-setting than the disco-strings of “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe”? White’s deep seductive baritone voice could make the yellow pages sound sexy: just imagining it gets us in the mood.

NEW AND NOTEDwith Adele Wong

DINING


fondue at divino

price Guide$ Less than $200$$ $200-$399$$$ $400-$599$$$$ $600-$799$$$$$ $800 and up

Price per person, including one drink, appetizer, main course and dessert. Prices do not include bottles of wine unless stated.

ratings★ Never. Again.★★ Completely forgettable★★★ Pretty good★★★★ Excellent★★★★★ Unbelievable

our policyReviews are based on actual visits to the establishments listed, without the knowledge of the restaurants. Reviews are included at the discretion of the editors and are not paid for by the individual restaurants. Opinions expressed here are those of HK Magazine and our super-sneaky team of hungry reviewers. Menus, opening hours and prices change and should be checked. New restaurants are not reviewed within one month of their opening. Reviews are written from a typical diner’s perspective. A dining experience includes more than just food; ratings are also based on service, atmosphere and fun. Ratings are awarded in accordance with the type of restaurant reviewed, so the city’s best wonton noodle stall could earn a “Unbelievable” rating while a fancy French restaurant could be “Completely forgettable.”

RESTAuRANT REVIEWSSawali Club ★★★★★thai. 2/f, Wing cheong building, 18-20 Hennessy rd., Wan chai, 2811-2360.

No-frills dining at its best.

Sawali Club might not have the most authentic, feisty Thai dishes in town, but its cheap and cheerful atmosphere, gracious servers and affordably delectable offerings combine to give diners a distinctly memorable experience. Rickety tables are spread throughout several rooms in this nondescript (save for the yellow walls) upper floor unit of a mixed-use building. The menu includes the usual suspects, as well as signature dishes such as roast chicken and several daily specials. We started with a creamy tom yum goong soup that hit all the right notes: it was tangy-sweet, with a moderately spicy hit that wasn’t too difficult to handle. Then came a shrimp-paste-laced pomelo salad that contained fleshy de-shelled prawns and a generous amount of the fruit. The beef green curry brought things down a notch—it may have been recommended, but it was bland both in appearance and taste. But thank goodness the sweet, jerky-like pork skewers and the crispy-skinned roast chicken paired with Indonesian-style prawn crackers turned things right around. The deep-fried soft shell crab was a thing of beauty, with fresh crabmeat balanced out by crunchy basil leaves, lemongrass and crunchy cashew pieces. We ended the meal with a mango sticky rice dessert that came with ripe, delightful fruit pieces and plenty of rice, but not enough coconut sauce. When the bill came, we chuckled: at a bit over $200 per head, we dare you to find a better deal in town. Call for reservations. $$

L16 Cafe and Bar ★★★★★thai. Hong Kong park, 19 cotton tree drive, Admiralty, 2522-6333.

Glorified fast food redeemed by a cool outdoor patio.

We had our pick of seats in the huge alfresco dining section of L16 Café and Bar at prime time on a Friday night. The restaurant’s hidden-away location in Hong Kong Park might have something to do with the empty seats, because it certainly wasn’t for lack of character. There were Beatles jams playing all night, nice big portable heaters and ridiculously swift service. We had two of the house wines, the merlot and the shiraz, but both were so sour that they had us wishing we had ordered beer. We placed our food order all at once, and it came out within 10 minutes in a seemingly random stream: the veggie spring rolls (very underwhelming), grilled Thai-style pork chops (juicy and spicy; couldn’t get enough), pomelo salad (a bitter and spicy concoction that was surprisingly good despite the odd texture), pepper stir-fried lamb (flavorful meat but the intense red chilis were not for the faint-hearted), water spinach (hearty portions but a bit oily), green curry (dreamily creamy with big chunks of chicken breast) and half a pineapple filled with fried rice. The pineapple rice was by far the favorite dish; the presentation was both playful and practical, and the rice mix was delicious. Overall, the food at this chill spot didn’t blow us away, but the generous portions, quick service, good value and spacious outdoor area make it a solid choice for any casual gathering. Open daily 11am–11pm. $$

Kinmata Tonkatsu ★★★★★Japanese. shop 13, 11/f, langham place, 8 Argyle st., Mong Kok, 2363-6633.

Watery and mushy rice? A big turn-off.

This Langham Place tonkatsu restaurant seemed promising at first: the warm and wood-themed interior felt like a good place to wind down, and like most higher-end tonkatsu (Japanese deep-fried pork cutlet) restaurants, we each had a traditional Japanese pestle and mortar to make our own sesame and tonkatsu sauce. To start, we ordered fried crab’s claws, which, were firm and fresh. Otherwise the restaurant mostly offers dinner sets that include a cabbage salad, miso soup, Japanese rice, a tiny tofu starter and a fried dish of your choice. We ordered one with deep-fried breaded black pork with cheese, and another with deep-fried breaded prawns and oysters. We began with the salad, and both the apple and cucumber sauces tasted like artificial sugar syrup. Needless to say, we were disappointed, as an enjoyable tonkatsu meal needs a good salad to balance the heaviness and guilt that comes with all that deep-fried meat. Despite its size—the pork cutlet was roughly two-thirds the size of a normal palm—the cheese layer was delectable and made the dish extra satisfying. The fried prawns were overcooked, but the fried oysters were crunchy, salty and juicy. What really killed it for us, however, was the watery and mushy Japanese rice. Good rice is the essence of Japanese cuisine, and any Japanese restaurant that doesn’t take care to prepare its rice well is a big turn-off for us. The fried crab’s claws and oysters were great, but everything else was forgettable. Open daily noon-11pm. $

Gogyo go Joseph

Hasta Luego, 1/5 NuevoElite Concepts’ 1/5 Nuevo (9 Star St., Wan Chai, 2529-2300) is bidding farewell to Star Street after a solid seven-year run. The tapas joint was an early bird in the now super-trendy neighborhood, taking a prominent ground floor spot right in the middle of the action and luring diners with its semi-alfresco space. Guess we’ll have to make do with Quemo (5/F, QRE Plaza, 202 Queen’s Rd. East, Wan Chai, 2836-0699), the group’s other Spanish establishment, from now on.

Snazzy StrandsTokyo and Kyoto ramen specialist Gogyo (Shop 3020, 3/F, IFC Mall, 8 Finance St., Central, 2385-1366) soft-opened in December, adding to the never-ending Japanese trend—but this time with a high-end spin that’s reminiscent of the now-defunct Mist on Sun Wui Road. The ramen broths at this fancy noodle bar are marked by a charred, bittersweet flavor that’s a result of roasting the various soup bases at a high heat, with copious amounts of oil. Expect to cough up from $128 to $158 per bowl—but you’ll get a free welcome drink to make up for the harsh prices.

Binge, Cringe, RepeatAre you and your crew always fighting over the last hargow? Fight no more with the All You Can Eat dim sum special at

cuisine cuisine at The Mira (3/F, The Mira, 118 Nathan Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui, 2315-5222). Available weekdays from 11:30am-2:30pm at $268 per head, the deal includes your pick of xiao long bao; crispy taro puffs stuffed with equal parts chicken and foie gras; curry chili squid and other classics with a twist— as much as you can handle.

I’m Getting Very FondueAs recourse for the unpredictably chilly weather, divino (G/F, 73 Wyndham St., Central, 2167-8883) has teamed up with Le Creuset for a fondue and craft beer special from now until the end of February. Which means you get to dip your sticks into really fashionable pots of cheese at $250-300 per head, while sampling bottles from Italian microbrewery 32 Via dei Birrai. There are three cheese bases to choose from: gorgonzola, fontina or a gruyere/Vacherin Fribourgeois.

M on the Wong Chuk HangChef Michael Erlik of The Butchers Club has branched out with his own Mediterranean-themed private kitchen in Wong Chuk Hang. M cuisine (Shop B, 17/F, Derrick Industrial Building, 49 Wong Chuk Hang Rd., Wong Chuk Hang, 2558-8664) will be serving mezze like tahini, hummus and falafel as well as meaty shish kebabs (prawns, chicken, beef), to up to 50 guests at a time. The venue offers cooking classes and event catering.

Email me at [email protected] or follow me on twitter: @adele_hklife.

Just Sew StoriesGallery Mur Nomade has just opened a new

space in Aberdeen, and its inaugural exhibition

features photography and paintings by two local

artists, Chan Wing Nga and Claire Lee. The show

explores the idea of how silence can tell more

than words, illustrating violence with subtle and

gentle aesthetics. This photo is part of Chan Wing

Nga’s “Intimates” series, in which she studied

Nüshu, an ancient Chinese script used only by

women, and then portayed women trapped

by their own hair: their own femininity. Delve

deeper into this world of darkness at the show.

through Mar 8. Mur Nomade, Unit 1606, 16/f,

HingWai centre, 7 tin Wan praya rd., Aberdeen,

2580-5923, www.murnomade.com.


CuLTuRE + NIGHTLIFE + FILM


Arts

ClassicalIl Giardino ArmonicoBet you never thought those recorder lessons in primary school would have taken you far, right? Not for these guys. A conductor, distinguished recorder and transverse flute soloist, Giovanni Antonini is also co-founder of Il Giardino Armonico (“The Harmonious Garden”), one of the top Italian period music ensembles in the world. The Grammy Award-winning group will be playing Vivaldi, Handel, Biber (not Bieber, kids), Telemann, and other Italian contemporaries on strings and two period woodwind instruments: the “chalumeau” and the “flautino.” Warning: If you don’t buy a ticket, they’ll come round to your flat and chalumeau your flautino. Mar 14-15, 8:15pm. Concert Hall, City Hall, 5 Edinburgh Place, Central. $75-350 from www.urbtix.hk.

TheaterMolière’s le Malade ImaginaireLooking to do some good and get a bit of culture in while you’re at it? Stick this on your resolutions radar: the 18th-century French comedy-ballet “Le Malade Imaginaire”—”The Imaginary Invalid”—will be performed by Hong Kong-based French theater troupe Comédie de la Mansonnière. The piece is Molière’s final work: the author died mid-performance while playing Argan, the hypochondriac protagonist. All ticket proceeds will go towards the Children of the Mekong charity, which is constructing a school in Northern Cambodia. In French with English surtitles. Feb 26-28, 8pm. The French International School of Hong Kong, Auditorium, 34 Price Rd., Jardine’s Lookout. $150-250 from ticketing.doodhk.com/LeMaladeImaginaire.

red chamber in the concrete forestHunan-born playwright Wang Haoran returns to the Hong Kong Arts Festival as part of the New Works theater section, with this drama about dysfunctional sexual relationships in a society not so different from ours. A social-media-loving, yet socially inept (ooh, irony!) protagonist seeks “love” from a streetwalker, a professional mistress, and a teen who’ll sell herself for a few designer handbags. Three women in 14 hours—happy ending pretty much guaranteed, right? Performed in Cantonese and Putonghua, with Chinese and English surtitles. Feb 28- Mar 3, 8:15pm; Mar 1-2, 3:15pm. Studio Theatre, Cultural Centre, 10 Salisbury Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui. $60-240 from www.urbtix.hk.

liar’s league HKOriginally conceived in London and now taking the Hong Kong theater scene by storm, Liars’ League is a monthly live literary night where professional and amateur actors perform original pieces of short fiction—written specifically for the event by local and international authors—in front of an audience.

The Liars seem to be popping up everywhere these days, and each of their events carries a theme; this time, it’s “Kisses & Blows” (I’m going to take a stab and say that double entendres may come into effect). As is true each time, a local musican will be featured at intermission, and as always, it’s free. Submit your own stories for consideration for next month by Feb 9. To to find out more about the group, visit www.liarsleaguehk.blogspot.com. Feb 28, 8pm. Fringe Club, 2 Lower Albert Rd., Central, 2525-1032. Free.

Comedy

takeout comedy presents: barry HiltonFollowers of the exploding South African stand-up scene may be familiar with the name Trevor Noah—the young sensation who in 2013 performed for Letterman, Leno, and landed his own US sitcom under producer Will Smith. But frankly, there would be no Noah without Barry Hilton. “The Cousin” (as he’s affectionately known) is one of the fathers of South African comedy, credited with helping to carve out the style of humor preferred by countrymen with his blend of observational and physical comedy. He easily sells out 4,000 seat venues back home, has countless comedy DVDs under his belt, and was the first South African to ever perform at London’s Comedy Store. Let’s just say that his one-night-only set at TakeOut Comedy might be a quick seller. Feb 1, 9pm. TakeOut Comedy, B/F, 34 Elgin St., Central, 6220-4436. $300 from www.takeoutcomedy.com.

comedyHK presents open Mic NightLan Kwai Fong just got a whole lot funnier, but this time it’s not in that “look at how drunk that girl is” way we’re accustomed to. ComedyHK’s weekly English stand-up open mic takes place in the Brew House basement, giving local comics and fresh faces with nerves of steel a chance to jump on stage and try their new material for a willing (and slightly sauced) audience. Need some extra push to try out your best Dave Chappelle impression? Three minutes in the spotlight earns a performer a free drink, and as always, the LMAO Award (a Chairman Mao statue, appropriately) is given out at the end of the night to the best act. Come out and catch the next stars of Hong Kong’s comedy scene! Feb 5, 12, 19, 26, 8pm. Hong Kong Brew House, G/F & Basement, 21 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2522-5559.

Concerts

Il divo: A Musical AffairSimon Cowell’s handsome classical crossover quartet has sold more than 26 million albums worldwide. They’re no strangers to Hong Kong audiences, and they’re back in town for one night only, this time with Broadway hits from “The Phantom of the Opera,” “Les Miserables,” “West Side Story” and more, as well as a selection of classic love songs. Take your mom. she will LOVE IT. Mar 23, 8pm. Hall 5BC, HKCEC, 1 Expo Drive, Wan Chai. $490-1,590 from www.hkticketing.com.

uPCLOSE Sam Lee

A 2012 Mercury Prize-nominated folk singer, UK-based sam lee is performing at the Hong Kong Arts Festival this March. He’s not just a performer, but also a staunch advocate of the fading culture of folk music from the British Isles. His debut album, “Ground of its Own,” is a collection of previously unrecorded songs collected from English Gypsy and Irish and Scottish traveler communities. He tells Evelyn Lok about his passion for music and instruments from all over the world—throat singing included.

HK Magazine: What first got you interested in folk music?sam lee: I came across it when I was 25 or 26, and I fell in love with it. I heard these old songs I’d never heard before, these recordings of farmers and old travelers and fishermen. I already had a very ethnographic diet of music from all over, like Indian and Azerbaijani music, and I had no idea there was indigenous music from the UK. I was discovering these massive variations around the British Isles—a real diversity. I wanted to learn more about the people who had kept them alive, so I stepped out of the academic world and went into the field.

HK: You started traveling around the UK collecting Gypsy folk. Were you consciously doing it in the tradition of folk revivalists? sl: I couldn’t have done it unconsciously, because I grew up aware of their work. I had also spent time with living song collectors, some of whom had told me about the stories of the works, so I was aware that I was stepping into a tradition. But I’d say the only difference is that I was being told there were no more songs to collect—and I knew that wasn’t true. There are lots of songs to collect, even now. We only have about five to 10 years where the singers are still alive, so we’re at the end of an era.

HK: do you have a strategy when you reinterpret traditional folk songs?sl: Oh, seek and destroy! One could look at it in a kind of military way, then you find the song and then you colonize! But there’s a real anthropology and biology to the songs. I want to honor the person who sung it, the story behind the song, the story behind the singer’s reasons for singing it, why they love the song, the way they sing it… I have to see the heart of it and make sure

I’m being true to where the song is coming from. Then those concerns have to inform how I arrange it. But it can go in any direction, because there are no rules to how you can do them. They are just words and melody.

HK: What would you say is the most unique version of a folk song that you’ve ever done?sl: There’s a song called “The Tan Yard Side,” on my album. I learned it from an English Gypsy. The arrangement I’ve put with it is accompanied by the Indian shruti box [a drone box]. The instrument is from India; Gypsies are from India, so there’s kind of a musical journey where both the singer and the instrument come together. The song also features a sample of the song of the nightingale—the instrument plays at the frequency of the nightingale, so there’s this harmonic continuity with the instrument, and the bird, and the song.

HK: Are you interested exploring other folk music around the world?sl: Yes, my absolute favorite music instrument is the Jew’s harp—particularly the Mongolian-Chinese khomus. I listen to a lot of that and my album features a lot of Jew’s harps, as well as [Mongolian] Humi throat singing. I’m very passionate about Mongolian, Tibetan and Asian music. I listen to that more than I listen to British music—apart from the folk songs of England.

HK: In your music video for “the ballad of George collins” there was some pretty impressive dance choreography! should Hong Kong audiences expect the same?sl: If they want to fly the dance team over, yes! I’d love that, but sadly I won’t be doing my Pina Bausch moves. I love dance myself, I love to move, and I’m very animated when I’m singing, but this

isn’t Beyoncé or Britney Spears—I apologize. It will be an acoustic performance—there are six of us. There’s the Japanese koto, the Jew’s harp, we have strings—violin and cello, trumpet, ukulele, Indian instruments and lots of other percussion as well.

HK: What other genres of music do you enjoy?sl: Not pop as in commercial pop—I actually avoid it. I listen to a lot of jazz, I love soul and blues and old R&B. Before I knew about folk music that would be my diet; I used to be a DJ and play records.

HK: In tibet, they often incorporate throat-singing into religious music and mountain songs. Are there phonetic techniques that are unique to british folk? sl: Yes, there’s a certain decorative style of singing. The way of singing which I’ve learnt in my craft is very unique to the British Isles. The northeast of Scotland, where I’ve trained, has a radically different style of singing than the southwest of England, or the old Irish styles of singing—I glean little bits from all over, but I also have a very modern voice.

HK: does folk stand up well to reinvention? sl: It can only. It’s not going to take it lying down. It really depends on the interpreter: If you think about it, you just have words and music. And if you give those songs to a fool, all you’ll have is foolish music. You give it to somebody with sensitivity, creativity and ingenuity—you can do anything with these songs.

sam lee and friends perform in Hong Kong on Mar 3-4, 8:15pm at the HKJc Amphitheatre, HKApA, 1 Gloucester rd., Wan chai. tickets $90-320 from www.urbtix.com.

stage

theater & Artsurbtix (credit cards) 2111-5999urbtix (enquiries) 2734-9009HK Ticketing 3128-8288HK Arts Centre 2582-0200Fringe Club 2521-7251HK Cultural Centre 2734-2009

Need to KnowHK City Hall 2921-2840HK Academy for Performing Arts 2584-8500Kwai Tsing Theatre 2408-0128LCSD Music Programme Office 2268-7321LCSD Dance/Multi-Arts Office 2268-7323LCSD Theatre Office 2268-7323

Edited by Evelyn [email protected]


ArtsExhibitions

li Hao: the past of the futureThe past of the future is… basically now, isn’t it? And the here and now is where Li Hao concentrates his work; although it looks like abstract splashes of paint, each stroke of the brush is carefully planned and designed. Born in 1982, Li Hao graduated from the Central Academy of Fine Arts, Beijing as part of the new generation of ink artists who straddle traditional Chinese ink painting techniques and the contemporary aesthetics of abstraction. He brings his restrained yet emotional style to Galerie Du Monde, the oldest gallery in Hong Kong, which celebrates its 40th anniversary this month. Through Feb 10. Galerie du Monde, 1/F, Room 108, Ruttonjee Centre, 11 Duddell St., Central, 2525-0529.

frank Gehry: fish lampsEveryone who knows artsy buildings knows Frank Gehry, for his dynamic architectural projects such as the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, and the Walt Disney Music Hall in Los Angeles. As one of the most celebrated living architects, he’s also dabbled in visual arts. This exhibition of handmade fish-shaped lamps uses jagged scales made of Formica—a.k.a. regular old countertop laminate—allowing the light to glow through. This is Gehry’s first visual arts exhibition in Hong Kong, so it’s absolutely worth a look. Through Mar 1. Gagosian Gallery, 7/F, Pedder Building, 12 Pedder St., Central, 2151-0555.

design in Motion at the HK design InstituteThis collaboration between the Hong Kong Design Institute, IVE and Belgian joint initiative “Belgian Spirit” brings us a solo exhibition of iconic works from Belgian architect and designer Charles Kaisin. He’s best known for being an advocate of sustainable design—taking recycled materials and renewing them into beautiful and usable structures: such as a tree chair, glass cups made from bottles, and his most well known—the K-bench, which uses the structure of honeycomb to lend strength to a seemingly weak design. This exhibition aims to encourage discussion of sustainable design, and to draw attention to the environmental impact of the life and death of objects. And there I was, thinking Belgium was only famous for chocolate and waffles. Through Feb 14. HKDI Gallery, HKDI and IVE (Lee Wai Lee), 3 King Ling Rd., Tseung Kwan O.

li Jin: Impermanent InstantChengdu-based photographer Li Jun won the 2013 Three Shadows Photography Award in Beijing for this exhibition, a series of photos shot between 2008 and 2011. The artist allowed a series of mundane objects—things like cleavers, a bowl and chopsticks, slippers, and clothes hangers— to sit in his Chengdu apartment for a whole year, before removing them and taking photos of pristine shapes outlined by dust. Their distinct outlines draw attention to the fleeting nature of existence, and also carry echoes of the 2008 Sichuan earthquake. Or the need to hire a cleaner. Through Feb 14. Blindspot Gallery, 24-26A Aberdeen St., Central, 2873-3819.

Installation view of ‘frANK GEHrY: fish lamps’ at Gagosian Gallery Hong Kong,

Jan 16 – Mar 1, 2014. courtesy Gagosian Gallery.

Edited by Andrea [email protected]

Twitter: @andreas_lo

Open Bar Rockabilly

ClubsdixonDJ Dixon is top dog in the German electronic music world, and he’ll be bringing his beats to Volar. Feb 1, 10pm. Volar, B/F, 38-44 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2810-1510. $150-250 from www.ticketflap.com, including two drinks before 12:30am and one drink thereafter.

shiftAt this newly launched techno night, XXX Gallery will be turned into a “Berlin-style” nightclub, complete with fog and shiz. Organizers want partygoers to “live in the moment,” so no photography will be allowed. Smartphones away, people. Feb 7, 10pm. XXX Gallery, B/F, 353-363 Des Voeux Rd. West, Sai Ying Pun. $100 at the door.

HK PICKS

Macklemore and ryan lewisUS rapper Macklemore and DJ-producer Ryan Lewis are behind the huge hit “Thrift Shop” (“wut wut, wut wut”), and the frequent collaborators/bros are coming to AsiaWorld-Expo. If you’re one of those people who hate on “mainstream” hip-hop, just remember: “Thrift Shop” is only the second time ever a single has reached No.1 on the Billboard 100 without backing from a big-name record label. Don’t know any of their other songs? Check out “Can’t Hold Us.” Mar 20, 8pm. AsiaWorld-Expo, Chek Lap Kok. $680-880 from www.hkticketing.com from Feb 17 onwards.

dJ KatchSingle and lonely? Play has your back. DJ Katch is fluent in crowd-rocking and will make you go cray cray with his beats on V-day. Twerk away your singleton sorrows, or maybe just make out with some dude on the dance floor. Feb 14, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. Price TBA.

JubeiHaving dropped his new LP, “To Have & Have Not,” drum and bass DJ Jubei is on tour to showcase his new tracks. Warning: may contain beats. Feb 14, 10pm. XXX Gallery, B/F, 353-363 Des Voeux Rd. West, Sai Ying Pun. Price TBA.

redshapeRedshape wears this really freaky mask while he spins techno beats. Sounds like a horror-movie-Daft-Punk-mashup. Feb 21, 10pm. Volar, B/F, 38-44 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2810-1510. $150 from www.ticketflap.com; $200 at the door.

Nicola vegaThe (male) DJ Nicola Vega returns to spin at Play. Vega spins in St Tropez and Phuket, which is quite the commute. Feb 28, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. Price TBA.

ConcertssofthardCanto rap duo Softhard celebrates 25 years of awesome with this concert. Though “DJ Soft” Jan Lamb and “MC H” Eric Kot are pioneers of Hong Kong hip-hop, they’re better known for being accomplished comedians. Funny hip-hop? About time. Jan 31, 8pm. Hong Kong Coliseum, 9 Cheong Wan Rd., Hung Hom. $280-580 from www.urbtix.hk.

Avril lavigneHas it really been 11 years since “Sk8er Boi”? Lavigne became a breakout star of the early noughties when her punk-pop album exploded onto the bad-hair-baggy-jeans scene. Many more hit tunes and a string of bad decisions later, Lavigne is still active, and has just released an eponymous album. Tip: YouTube her Mandarin version of “Girlfriend.” It’s… well, it’s something. Feb 13, 8pm. AsiaWorld-Arena, Chek Lap Kok. $380-780 from www.hkticketing.com.

the rolling stones in MacauAll tickets are sold out, except the ones that cost $15k. Mar 9, 8pm. The Venetian, Estrada da Baía de N. Senhora da Esperança, Taipa, Macau, (+853) 2882-8888. $14,880 from www.hkticketing.com.

bruno MarsBruno Mars’s cute love songs “Nothin’ On You” and “Just the Way You Are” propelled him right to the top of the charts (and the top of every girl’s wish list). Don’t miss out just because it’s during Sevens weekend. Mar 29-30, 8pm. AsiaWorld-Arena, Chek Lap Kok. $488-1,088 from www.hkticketing.com.

Gigsthe devil Wears pradaNo, not the movie. Hailing from Ohio, The Devil Wears Prada is a melodic metalcore band, the name of which was inspired by the original novel/autobiography, rather than the film. The founding members are all Christian, and they maintain that the “Devil Wears Prada” means that God won’t judge you on what you wear. Want to really get on His good side? Wear Saint Laurent. Feb 4, 8:30pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $250 from www.ticketflap.com.

swim deepSwim Deep are darlings of the UK indie pop scene. The four-piece will be performing in February. Feb 8, 8pm. Grappa’s Cellar, B/F, Jardine House, 1 Connaught Place, Central, 2521-2322. $280 from www.ticketflap.com.

Girls With GuitarsThis sizzling showcase is hosted by The Underground, and it’s pretty self-explanatory: girls who play guitars. The lineup includes Jules O’Brien, who’s played at the Tate Modern in London; the band Once, a four-piece formed in early 2013; and Tango & Snatch, the self-described “rock-and-roll beast with a horn making love to people’s dreams on a Saturday night.” Feb 8, 10pm. Backstage Live, 1/F, Somptueux Central, 52-54 Wellington St., Central, 2167-8985. $120 from www.ticketflap.com; $150 at the door.

Warpaint and Youth lagoonLA indie rock band Warpaint present their hypnotic vocals and post-punk rhythms. Opening for them is Youth Lagoon, and his ambient Americana/electronica. Feb 14, 8pm. Musiczone, KITEC, 1 Trademart Drive, Kowloon Bay. $360 from www.ticketflap.com.

daughter, King Krule and ÁsgeirThis gig boasts London trio Daughter alongside singer-songwriters King Krule from the UK and Ásgeir from Iceland. Expect an explosion of hipster-happy, moody atmospherics. Feb 20, 7:30pm. Musiczone, KITEC, 1 Trademart Drive, Kowloon Bay. $390 from www.ticketflap.com

childhood favorites spiked with grown-up ingredients, such as tequila, white rum and curacao.

Why you’ll be back: Rockabilly offers something a little different from its deafening surrounds. Kick back with a few pretty good beers and catch your favorite game while munching on Rockabilly’s signature sliders—delicious mini-burgers with thick buns and juicy meat that’s bursting with flavor. Jayson Albano and Kate springer

12 lan Kwai fong, central, 2869-0099.

the drinks: There’s a good range of craft beers from breweries in the US, the UK, South Africa and more. We were very excited to see some beloved brews, such as Anchor’s Liberty Ale, Founders IPA and Kona’s easy-drinking Big Wave golden ale. The Liberty ale is delightfully hoppy and fresh—great for drinking all night. We also tried the Zulu Blonde from South Africa, a light golden lager that goes down rather easily. It has a sweet aroma, coupled with a slight hint of butterscotch and honey. The draft beer menu offers a more interesting selection than you usually get. The Belgian Monk’s Abbey is a standout: it’s dark and slightly sweet, with malty cloves mixed into the brew. Fancy something other than beer? Try the slushies—neon-colored

the buzz: You might think the LKF bar scene has reached saturation, but the latest to join the fray is Rockabilly, a 1950s-style American-themed bar. Although it’s a little late on the craft beer craze, we’re never going to complain when an LKF joint carries as good a selection as Rockabilly does.

the décor: Head up LKF and you’ll be sure to catch Rockabilly’s loud, red neon logo, and the cheeky sign that reads “NAKED WAITRESSES FLIRT WITH YOU”… until you come in for, um, closer inspection. Inspired by tattoo parlors and vintage car repair shops, the joint has two floors: a narrow ground floor with a bar, and a roomier upstairs complete with a Juliet balcony that’s great for late-night people-watching.


NIGHtlIfE

Yalun tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at [email protected] or @yaluntu on twitter.

And so I Watch You from AfarNorthern Irish foursome And So I Watch You From Afar will bringing their post-rock and math-rock sounds to Hidden Agenda for one night only. Mar 8, 8pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $300-350 from www.ticketflap.com; $400 at the door.

sugar plum ferrySynth-electronica group Sugar Plum Ferry formed in 1997 in Taiwan. They’re an influential voice in the Taiwanese indie scene, and they’ve opened for the likes of Múm in the past. Mar 15, 8pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $200 from www.ticketflap.com.

Nightlife Events

beertopia 2014Our very own craft beer festival is back! The festival first started out two years ago, and arguably kickstarted Hong Kong’s very own craft beer movement. This year Beertopia expands from two to three days at the West Kowloon waterfront, and features over 400 different types of brews. It’s going to be bigger, craftier and drunker than ever before. Mar 13-15, 12pm. West Kowloon Cultural District. $280-930, on sale in February.

Every year I write a “New Year’s Resolutions” column containing my New Year hopes, which—like everyone else’s—relate to my body, my relationships and my career. It’s been a month and I’ve forgotten all of them. So it’s time to make some new New Year’s resolutions. The only catch: since it’s Chinese New Year they have to be Asian Resolutions. I can say that because I’m half-Asian so it’s not racist. If you don’t believe me check out p.32 of The Official “Is this Racist?” Handbook, an imaginary tome I just made up. Here they are:

• Lose weight by eating every meal with only one chopstick (half-Asian, remember?).

• Bow instead of shaking hands at business meetings.

• Learn kung fu.

• Learn qigong when I realize that kung fu is really hard.

• Create a shot-for-shot remake of that hammer fighting scene from “Oldboy” except it’s me vs. stuffed animals.

• Eat something alive.

• Wear comfy slippers around the house.

• Purchase and use a huge clunky massage chair three times a week.

• Eat so many noodles on my birthday.

• Write angry YouTube comments about stereotypes after watching those “Shit Asian Parents Say” videos.

• Ace an All Look Same quiz.

• Get humorous Photoshops of myself done by the Korean or Chinese Photoshop trolls.

• If you didn’t get those last three, congratulations! You don’t waste as much time on the internet as I do. Oh crap, that wasn’t a resolution. Uh—Asian stuff.

• Hang out more in Victoria Park so I can watch high school couples in uniforms make out.

• Tell everyone about how great Jeremy Lin is.

• Start the next Hong Kong Food Trend.

• Try horsemeat to celebrate the Year of the Horse.

• Go horseback riding to celebrate the Year of the Horse.

• Watch some weird porn to celebrate the Year of the Horse.

• Get better at Mandarin.

• Learn enough Cantonese to understand how exactly taxi drivers are swearing at me.

• Resolve to go to Macau less but end up there all the time, like every year.

• Get a real dragon, like in “Game of Thrones” but one that’s Asian.

• Destroy all my enemies at Liar’s Dice.

• More whisky/green tea.

• Learn to sing one karaoke song well.

• More massages.

• Cheaper massages.

• Convince at least one dumb expat that massage parlors in Asia offer off-the-menu “sad endings.”

• Convince at least one dumb expat that everybody speaks Japanese here.

• Travel more around Southeast Asia.

• Except Singapore. That’s like going to the suburbs.

• Seduce a tai tai for her husband’s money.

• Talk loudly on my cell phone during a concert.

• Be more like Jay Chou.

• Popularize Mao Tai Mondays.

• Popularize fortune cookies in Chinese restaurants here.

• Popularize fortune cakes in American restaurants here.

• Convince a white girl and an Asian guy to date.

• Strengthen my squatting muscles.

• Slurp.

• Stop drinking coffee. Start drinking Bo Lei tea

• Wear more branded designer clothes.

• Kiss a girl (Asian).

Chinese New Year Resolutions


THE STRAIGHT MAN with Yalun Tu

Edited by Evelyn [email protected]


Coming Soonbelle and sebastian(france) Forget the ever-faithful Hachiko. “Belle and Sebastian” is where it’s at when it comes to heartbreaking man-and-dog friendships. The setting: a little village in the Alps, on the cusp of the World War II. Footprints of a beast end up being from Belle, a huge, beautiful white dog who is tamed and befriended by a lonely child named Sebastian (Félix Bossuet). The only problem with this film: they didn’t get phenomenal Scottish indie band Belle and Sebastian to do the soundtrack. Idiots. Opens Feb 6.

the book thief(UsA) A war drama directed by Brian Percival (“Downton Abbey”) that’s based on the bestselling novel of the same name. Liesel (Sophie Nélisse) is the daughter of a Communist dissident, sent to be fostered by an old German couple (Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson) during WWII. Liesel goes from illiteracy to bona fide book fiend, using stolen books and her growing knowledge as an escape from the Nazi rule. Oh—and they’re hiding a Jew in the basement. And you thought theft was frowned upon under the Third Reich. Opens Feb 6.

the lego Movie(UsA) Imagine if Batman, the Ninja Turtles, and all the other movie-toy-comic franchises came together in a single movie: WITH LEGO. An ordinary Lego minifig (Chris Pratt) is accidentally recruited into the most epic world-saving quest of all world-saving quests: to stop the Lego world from being glued together by mastermind President Business (Will Ferrell)! Listen out for a star-studded voice cast including Channing Tatum, Liam Neeson, Charlie Day, Alison Brie and Jonah Hill. Screw Pixar: this is every 10-year-old’s dream come true. If kids these days even played with Lego. Maybe it’s just our dream come true. Opens Feb 6.

HK PICKS

Mandela: long Walk to freedom(UsA) It’s only been about a month since the death of Nelson Mandela, but this is the first film to tell the whole story of the anti-apartheid revolutionary’s exceptional life, from his early days herding cattle right up to his days as a freedom fighter, his 27 years in prison, and his term as the first democratically elected President of South Africa. Backed by the team who worked on “Gladiator” and “Les Miserables,” and starring Idris “Stringer Bell” Elba, it’s not going to disappoint. See it. Opens Feb 6.

Openingfrom vegas to Macau(Hong Kong) Local cinema luminary Wong Jing reunites with Chow Yun-fat for this Hong Kong crime comedy, a continuation of their “God of Gamblers” series. Chow reprises his role as Gambler God Ko Chun, who returns to Macau and begins to teach two new protégés (Nicholas Tse and Chapman To) the tricks of the trade. Cue inevitable gambling showdown, involving a glass eye and a mysterious woman… Opened Jan 30.

Golden chickensss(Hong Kong) Sandra Ng keeps it raunchy in the third movie in the “Golden Chicken” series. Kam (Ng) is now a retired prostitute who’s become a madam. When her most loyal customer, an ex-crime boss from Hong Kong’s pre-handover past, is released from prison, Kam becomes his guide to the new ways of the city. Post-colonial commentary from the lowest profession in the city—actors. Opened Jan 30.

HK PICKS

Jack ryan: shadow recruit(UsA) Russians. CIA Agents. Terrorists. Devious plot to cripple the world economy that must be stopped. Welcome to Jack Ryan: Every Action Movie Ever Made. Based on the character created by bestselling author Tom Clancy, Jack Ryan (Chris Pine) is a CIA analyst-turned-spy on the brink of uncovering a Russian plot against America. As if that wasn’t enough, Keira Knightley plays his fiancée, Cathy. All it’s missing is a martini, shaken, not stirred. Opened Jan 30.

Justin And the Knights of valour(spain) In this animated flick, Justin (Freddie Highmore, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”) embarks on a quest to regain the honor of knights in a kingdom that has banished them… in favor of lawyers: 1) Isn’t that called “Progress”? 2) Maybe this isn’t a kid’s movie, but the first step in some kind of feudal-revival movement? He’s joined by handsome Sir Clorex (Antonio Banderas) as they battle against a mish-mash of quest clichés: magic, a fat dragon-thing, three wise monks, and an army of litigious solicitors. Opened Jan 30.

the Monkey King(china/Hong Kong) Not to be confused with last year’s revamp of the Ming Dynasty classic by Stephen Chow, this time it’s Donnie Yen as our primate protagonist. The movie focuses on the part of the story where the Monkey King (Yen) rebels against the Jade Emperor of Heaven, played by Chow Yun-fat. Along for the ride is a star-studded ensemble cast including Aaron Kwok as the Bull Demon King (who’s supposed to be ugly and menacing, by the way), Joe Chen as Princess Iron Fan, Kelly Chen as Guan Yin, Gigi Leung as Chang’e and many more. If that doesn’t get you, well… 120 minutes of action-packed CGI won’t either. Opened Jan 30.

saving Mr. banks(UsA) See review, p. 33. Opened Jan 30.

ContinuingHK PICKS

A complicated story(Hong Kong) First-time director Kiwi Chow’s ambitious student film adaptation of local writer Yi Shu’s novel stars some of Hong Kong’s biggest names—including Jacky Cheung, Stephanie Che and Deanie Ip. Mainland student Liu Ya-zi (Jacqueline Zhu Zhi-ying) agrees to be a surrogate mother for a local power couple, in return for a hefty lump sum. But when the wife opts out halfway through, Liu refuses to agree to an abortion and runs. Drama ensues. Lots and lots of drama.

As the light Goes out(Hong Kong) A young team of firefighters (Nick Tse, Simon Yam, Hu Jun and Shawn Yue) takes on the flames at a liquor warehouse, but the blaze is inching dangerously close to a nearby natural gas plant—so they have no choice but to plunge into the inferno. With politics, rivalry, suspicion and good old-fashioned smoke in their eyes, things soon… HEAT UP.

blue Is the Warmest color(france) See review, left.

the butler(UsA) Oscar-nominated director Lee Daniels (“Precious”) tells the tale of White House butler Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker) who serves through seven presidential terms and the political ripples of three decades of 20th-century history. If you’ve ever wanted to see what America would be like under the Alan Rickman (Reagan), John Cusack (Nixon), James Marsden (Kennedy), or Robin Williams (Eisenhower) administration—now’s your chance. PPPP

Need to KnowAMc cinema, 2265-8933www.amccinemas.com.hk

broadway circuit, 2388-3188www.cinema.com.hk

Golden Harvest cinema, 2622-6688 www.goldenharvest.com

Mcl cinema, 3413-6688www.mclcinema.com

UA cinema, 3516-8811www.uacinemas.com.hk

the Grand cinema, 2196-8170www.thegrandcinema.com.hk

Blue Is The Warmest Colour PPPPP(france) romance/drama. directed by Abdellatif Kechiche. starring léa seydoux, Adèle Exarchopoulos. category III. 179 minutes. opened Jan 2.

There was bound to be controversy surrounding a sexually charged film about lesbians. Everything from showing two women in love on screen, to three hold-nothing-back sex scenes, to even the director getting bad mouthed by his lead actresses, has cast “Blue is the Warmest Colour” as something other than what it really is: a coming-of-age story. This movie isn’t about being a lesbian—it’s about growing up and discovering first love.

Our main squeeze, Adèle, is played by the beautiful and intriguing Adèle Exarchopoulos, who is new to international screens. The 20-year-old French actress has a talent for sharing her every emotion through an innocently longing gaze, the way she fumbles with her messy hair, and a constantly pouting mouth. The one teaching her is Emma, played by the typically smoldering Léa Seydoux (“Farewell, My Queen,” “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol”). Emma is a confident, proud and blue-haired art student who, unlike Adèle, is totally comfortable in her own skin. We watch Emma, the character, and Seydoux, the actress, guide her inexperienced counterpart through the movie, a movie which rests solidly on the shoulders of its two leads.

Adèle is typical teenage girl, who finds herself feeling unfulfilled. She has a large group of friends and a cute older boy crushing on her, yet we only see her passion when she’s piling massive forkfuls of spaghetti bolognese into her mouth. The girl is hungry—but she doesn’t know what for. One day, she spots a boyish girl with blue hair across the street, and is drawn to this proud, openly gay woman. Adèle finds herself infatuated with, and fantasizing about, this stranger. She decides to accidentally-on-purpose bump into her at a lesbian bar: and she’s hooked. They discuss art, philosophy, their desires and love—meaningful conversations Adèle was missing before. Before you know it, the girls are in love. Finally, the reserved Adèle is becoming comfortable with who she is. And her hunger has found its outlet.

Over three hours of film, we cover several years of Adèle and Emma’s passionate relationship. From falling in love, to meeting the parents, to living together, to jealousy and a wandering eye and finally the question of whether they can or should stay together. We follow Adèle throughout, watching her grow up and watching her fall down: no matter what she does, we really care about her.

So let’s put the lesbian aspect to the side—and the steamy, graphic, seven-minute-long sex scene—because this is a character study of a young girl becoming a woman. “Blue is the Warmest Colour” deserves all of the hype, the glowing reviews and your time. Men typically dominate the coming-of-age genre, and have turned it monotonous. This movie covers most of the same topics: growing up, discovering who you are, sex, love and wondering where the future will lead. The formula may be the same, but the delivery is so much better. Move aside, boys: the girls are on top, in control—and they don’t need you. Katie Kenny


venus in fur (france) Roman Polanski brings us a scandalous fix based on David Ives’s 2010 play. In Paris, theater director Thomas (Mathieu Amalric) is holding auditions for a play, without success. Until Vanda (Emmanuelle Seigner)—brazen, crude and embodying everything that Thomas hates—bursts in and suddenly turns in the perfect performance. The audition intensifies, and so does Thomas’ obsession. But this film isn’t Polanski’s meditation on sex: it’s his meditation on cinema. PPPP

the Wind rises(Japan) After a half-century in the business, the God of animation Hayao Miyazaki is hanging up his hat. “The Wind Rises” is an epic tale about Jiro Horikoshi, a brilliant engineer who grows up dreaming of creating airplanes. He goes on to design the Zero fighter airplane, as used to devastating effect during WWII. It’s incredibly beautiful, very charming, but also problematic—the reality of war is glossed over far too easily. Still, it’s well worth watching. The world is losing a master storyteller. PPPP

commitment(south Korea) Korean rapper T.O.P., a.k.a. Choi Seung-hyun, has ditched his signature manliner and slicked bouffant for espionage and coersion in this thriller. T.O.P. is aspiring North Korean teen pianist Myung-hoon, imprisoned with his sister after their father dies trying to escape to South Korea. To keep his sister safe, Myung-hoon must infiltrate the South as a government assassin.

control(Hong Kong) This new Hong Kong thriller modeled after “Blade Runner” stars Daniel Wu as a normal family man who finds his life increasingly controlled by a mysterious figure. It’s certainly amassed quite the team—with award-winning writer/director Kenneth Bi (“Rice Rhapsody”), an original soundtrack by Dan the Automator (of Gorillaz), and visual effects by Academy Award-winner Nickson Fong (“The Matrix” series).

Enough said(UsA) Director-writer Nicole Holofcener (“Friends With Money,” “Sex and the City,” “Parks and Recreation”) brings us this Golden Globe-nominated rom-com about hearsay and filtered information (no, it’s not about Facebook stalking). Eva, a divorced masseuse played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, hits it off with her client Albert (James Gandolfini, in one of his final roles) and decides to pursue him... but he’s the ex-husband of another client. I’d be careful too—he IS Tony Soprano after all. PPPP

firestorm(Hong Kong) When a merciless crew of criminals led by Nam (Hu Jun) executes a violent armored car heist in broad daylight on a crowded Hong Kong street, senior police inspector Lui (Andy Lau) takes responsibility for the civilian lives lost and vows justice. But when it becomes clear that normal police tactics won’t get the thugs behind bars quickly enough to keep the city safe, Lui goes full vigilante on their lily asses—cue the high-budget destruction of streets in Central that you walk down every day. PP

HK PICKS

Hours(UsA) One of the late Paul Walker’s final films, this suspense thriller is set during Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of New Orleans. On the eve of August 29, 2005, Nolan Hayes (Walker) rushes to the hospital with his wife, who has gone into labor far too early. Then Katrina hits, and Nolan is left behind with a premature baby who can’t breathe without the help of an incubator. Shit hits the fan when the power runs out and he’s trapped in a flooded hospital, fighting to keep himself and his newborn daughter alive. PPP

Möbius(france/russia) Best Actor Oscar-winner Jean Dujardin (“The Artist”) is a Russian intelligence officer posted to Monaco to keep an eye on a shady businessman (Tim Roth). In comes Alice (Cécile de France), an undercover agent on the same mission. Increasingly agitated that she’s going to blow the whole operation, he breaks the golden rule of spying and makes contact—resulting, obviously, in a forbidden passion that may doom them and the mission itself.

once Upon A time In shanghai(Hong Kong) It already feels like it’s been too long since Hong Kong last gave us a martial arts movie. Wong Ching-po (director of “Jiang Hu”), HK film mainstay Wong Jing and legendary choreographer Yuen Woo-ping have teamed up for this remake of 1972 martial arts flick “The Boxer From Shantung,” about two laborers who defeat the biggest triad in Shanghai with their gift for martial arts. Punchy but dumb. PP

personal tailor(china) Director Feng Xiaogang (“Aftershock”) has dreamed up another new comedy. The “Personal Tailor” team works to make their clients’ whims come true. The awesome foursome consists of a “Dream Planner,” alongside the “Scenario Designer,” the “Dream Builder,” and the “Mind Anesthetist.” Clients live out the scenarios of their dreams and become better people through it. Basically, it’s like a Chinese “Inception.”

police story 2013(Hong Kong/china) The sixth installment in Jackie Chan’s “Police Story” action series, from “Little Big Soldier” director Ding Sheng, is a reboot: Jackie is now a mainland copper thrown into a hostage situation, complete with estranged daughter. Its cop-seeks-vengeance-and-justice plot is a grittier take on a traditionally light-hearted series: but having eased past $72 million in the mainland box offices in the first week of its release, could it actually be—gasp—good?

the secret life of Walter Mitty(UsA) James Thurber’s 1939 story, about an ineffectual daydreamer named Walter Mitty, is one of the most frequently anthologized in American literature. Well, add Ben Stiller to the list, as he’s directing and starring in this latest big-screen adaptation, this time with Life Magazine employee Mitty setting off on an epic journey to impress a girl (Kristen Wiig) and to find a rogue photographer (Sean Penn) who shot the cover of the magazine’s final issue. PPPP

the spy: Undercover operation(south Korea) So the nation’s best secret agent, his ditzy wife, and a super-handsome mystery man walk into a bar… in Thailand. Chul-suu is the South Korean James Bond whose domineering wife knows nothing about his real job. He’s on a top-secret mission in Bangkok when he chances upon his wife Young-hee, in the company of a handsome man he doesn’t know. Can he save the day, his marriage AND his country? Yeah, probably.

tom Yum Goong 2(thailand) In this sequel to 2005’s original, expect yet more stunts, punches and elephants. Elephant camp owner Boss Suchart is brutally murdered, and everyone thinks that Kham (Tony Jaa) did it. He’s chased by the police, the twin nieces of the dead man, and crime lord LC (RZA). All that’s missing is a bearded lady able to perform elaborately choreographed fight scenes, on an elephant. Oh, that’s the plot for the third movie.

Saving Mr. Banks PPPPP(UsA) drama/comedy. directed by John lee Hancock. starring Emma thompson, tom Hanks, colin farrell, paul Giamatti. category IIA. 125 minutes. opened Jan 30.

Like most Disney films, John Lee Hancock’s take on the making of the 1964 classic “Mary Poppins” is a story spun as a fairytale. It may suffer from the inevitable, slightly saccharine Disney treatment, but Emma Thompson’s enigmatic and delightfully angry performance as author P.L. Travers gives this Disney fairytale a touch of much-needed realism.

Walt Disney’s quest for the movie rights to “Mary Poppins” was a 20-year battle, starting with a promise to his daughters that he would film their favorite book. It’s 1961, and the threat of dwindling book sales forces author Helen Lyndon Goff, better known by her pen name P.L. Travers, to fly to Los Angeles to meet with Walt Disney (Tom Hanks, who is convincing but so naturalistic that he could just be being his own jolly self)—despite having no intention to sell her beloved character to the clutches of the Hollywood machine.

Over two short weeks, she shows her absolute disdain for America. She gives hell to the songwriting team, hates the character designs—pretty much everything iconic that ever came out of the “Mary Poppins” movie—and flings the Mickey Mouse hampers out of her hotel room. It’s going to take all of Walt Disney’s charm to bring her around.

We get glimpses into the life of Helen Goff as a child, growing up in sunny, rural Allora, Queensland in the 1900s. We see lighter and darker moments: her father humors her with make-believe games, but he also diminishes into alcoholism and a failing career until he dies, leaving Helen mentally scarred and the family to fend for itself. We learn that “Mary Poppins” is not really about the titular character—it’s about her relationship with her father, about redeeming him and letting go of grudges that have haunted her for so many years. But as with all Disney movies, there’s always a pair of Mickey Mouse ears over the dark cloud— we fall in love with Travers’ fun-loving father, despite his considerable shortfalls. Maybe with this movie, they’ve finally got the “Mary Poppins” story just the way Travers wants it.

Director John Lee Hancock (“The Blind Side”) does a great job with cinematography, and the “Mary Poppins” tunes are a nostalgic delight, but towards the end, we do ask: what is it that makes Travers change her mind? For the first hour of the film, Travers is established as an irascible, unbearable woman. Suddenly, as if Mary Poppins snapped her fingers, she goes from the curmudgeonly Mrs Travers into “Ginty,” as she was known as a child. We knew from the start that the magical world of Ginty Goff was in there somewhere, but her rapid submission to Disney comes across as simplistic. Were Walt Disney’s heart-to-heart conversations really the ticket? Was the pitch for “Let’s Go Fly A Kite” really that damn good?

“Saving Mr. Banks” is a Walt Disney story told in true Disney fashion, about perhaps one of the most un-Disney moments in the company’s history: a bitter custody battle over the movie rights, and also a battle between fairytale and reality. With the 1964 film looming in the back of our minds, we do, of course, know that Walt Disney is able to yank the film rights out of the writer’s prim and properly manicured hands, and that everything will be all right in the end. As expected, the ending is Mickey Mouse-sweet. But that’s not all bad. After all—doesn’t a spoonful of sugar help the medicine go down? Evelyn lok


AQUArIUs (Jan 20-feb 18): Extravagant wigs became fashionable for a while in 18th-century England. They could soar as high as four feet above a woman’s head. Collections of fruit might be arrayed in the mass of hair, along with small replicas of gardens, taxidermically stuffed birds, and model ships. I would love to see you wear something like that in the coming week. But if this seems too extreme, here’s a second-best option: Make your face and head and hair as sexy as possible. Use your alluring gaze and confident bearing to attract more of the attention and resources you need. You have a poetic license to be shinier and more charismatic than usual.

pIscEs (feb 19-Mar 20): One of your anti-role

models in the coming weeks is the character that

Piscean diva Rihanna portrays when she sings

in Eminem’s tune “Love the Way You Lie.” Study

the following lyrics, mouthed by Rihanna, and

make sure that in every way you can imagine, on

psychological, spiritual, and interpersonal levels,

you embody the exact opposite of the attitude

they express: “You’re just gonna stand there and

watch me burn / But that’s all right because I like

the way it hurts / You’re just gonna stand there

and hear me cry / But that’s all right, because

I love the way you lie.” To reiterate, Pisces, avoid

all situations that would tempt you to feel and

act like that.

ArIEs (Mar 21-Apr 19): On my fifteenth

birthday, I finally figured out that eating

dairy products was the cause of my chronic

respiratory problems. From that day forward,

I avoided foods made from cow’s milk. My health

improved. I kept up this regimen for years. But

a month ago, I decided to see if my long-standing

taboo still made sense. Just for the fun of it,

I gave myself permission to gorge on a tub of

organic vanilla yogurt. To my shock, there was

no hell to pay. I was free of snot. In the last few

weeks, I have feasted regularly on all the creamy

goodies I’ve been missing. I bring this up, Aries,

because I suspect an equally momentous shift is

possible for you. Some taboo you have honored

for a long time, some rule you have obeyed as if

it were an axiom, is ripe to be broken.

tAUrUs (Apr 20-May 20): Psychologist Daniel

Kahneman, who won a Nobel Prize in Economics,

says that consulting experts may be useless.

In his study of Wall Street traders, he found their

advice was no better than information obtained

by a chimpanzee flipping a coin. Meanwhile,

psychologist Philip Tetlock did a 20-year study

with similar results. He found that predictions

made by political and financial professionals

are inferior to wild guesses. So does this mean

you should never trust any experts? No. But

it’s important to approach them with extra

skepticism right now. The time has come for

you to upgrade your trust in your own intuition.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): I’m a big fan of logic

and reason, and I urge you to be, too. Using your

rational mind to understand your experience

is a very good thing. The less stock you put

in superstitious head trips and fear-based beliefs,

the smarter you will be. Having said that,

I recommend that you also make playful use

of your creative imagination. Relish the comically

magical elements of your mysterious fate. Pay

attention to your dreams, and indulge in the

pleasure of wild fantasies, and see yourself

as a mythic hero in life’s divine drama. Moral

of the story: Both the rational and the fantastical

approaches are essential to your health. (P.S.

But the fantastical needs extra exercise in the

coming weeks.)

cANcEr (Jun 21-Jul 22): Sorry, Cancerian,

you won’t be able to transform lead into gold

anytime soon. You won’t suddenly acquire the

wizardly power to heal the sick minds of racists

and homophobes and misogynists. Nor will

you be able to cast an effective love spell on

a sexy someone who has always resisted your

charms. That’s the bad news. The good news is

this: If you focus on performing less spectacular

magic, you could accomplish minor miracles.

For example, you might diminish an adversary’s

ability to disturb you. You could welcome into

your life a source of love you have ignored or

underestimated. And you may be able to discover

a secret you hid from yourself a long time ago.

lEo (Jul 23-Aug 22): Cosmopolitan magazine is

famous for offering tips on how to spice up one’s

sex life. Here’s an example: “Take a few of your

favorite erotically appealing flavor combinations,

like peanut butter and honey or whipped cream

and chocolate sauce, and mix up yummy treats

all over your lover’s body.” That sounds crazy

to me, and not in a good way. In any case,

I recommend that you don’t follow advice like

that, especially in the coming days. It’s true that

on some occasions, silliness and messiness

have a role to play in building intimacy. But they

aren’t advisable right now. For best results,

be smooth and polished and dashing and deft.

Togetherness will thrive on elegant experiments

and graceful risks.

vIrGo (Aug 23-sep 22): You are not as broken

as you may think you are. Your wounds aren’t

as debilitating as you have imagined. And life

will prove it to you this week. Or rather, let me

put it this way: Life will attempt to prove it to

you—and not just in some mild, half-hearted

way, either. The evidence it offers will be robust

and unimpeachable. But here’s my question,

Virgo: Will you be so attached to your pain that

you refuse to even see, let alone explore, the

dramatic proof you are offered? I hope not!

lIbrA (sep 23-oct 22): Kenneth Rexroth wrote

a poem called “A Sword in a Cloud of Light.”

I want to borrow that image. According to my

astrological analysis and poetic intuition, you

will generate the exact power you need in the

coming weeks by imprinting your imagination

with a vision of a sword in a cloud of light.

I don’t want to get too intellectual about the

reasons why, but I will say this: The cloud of light

represents your noble purpose or your sacred

aspiration. The sword is a metaphor to symbolize

the new ferocity you will invoke as you

implement the next step of your noble purpose

or sacred aspiration.

scorpIo (oct 23-Nov 21): Every autumn, the

bird species known as the Clark’s Nutcracker

prepares for its winter food needs by burying

30,000 pine nuts in 5,000 places over

a 15-square-mile area. The amazing thing is that

it remembers where almost all of them are. Your

memory isn’t as prodigious as that, but it’s far

better than you realize. And I hope you will use

it to the hilt in the coming days. Your upcoming

decisions will be highly effective if you draw

on the wisdom gained from past events—

especially those events that foreshadowed the

transition you will soon be going through.

sAGIttArIUs (Nov 22-dec 21): Can you

imagine what it would be like to live without

any hiding and pretending? How would you

feel if you could relax into total honesty? What

if you were free to say exactly what you mean,

unburdened by the fear that telling the truth

might lead to awkward complications? Such

a pure and exalted condition is impossible for

anyone to accomplish, of course. But you have

a shot at accomplishing the next best thing

in the coming week. For best results, don’t try

to be perfectly candid and utterly uninhibited.

Aim for 75 percent.

cAprIcorN (dec 22-Jan 19): It’s a favorable

time to gather up resources and amass bounty

and solicit help and collect lots of inside

information. I won’t call you greedy if you focus

on getting exactly what you need in order

to feel comfortable and strong. In fact, I think

it’s fine if you store up far more than what you

can immediately use—because right now

is also a favorable time to prepare for future

adventures when you will want to call on

extraordinary levels of resources, bounty, help,

and inside information.

HoMeWork: do a homemade ritual in which you vow to attract more blessings into your life. report results at freeWillAstrology.com.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGYROB BREZSNY


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the soapbox is a very special section of HK Magazine where you, the reader,

get to add your voice. Whether you’ve got an axe to grind or a cause to promote,

all submissions are welcome. simply send your material—essay, blog post,

illustration, doodle, whatever—to [email protected], along with a photo

and a brief description of yourself, and you may get to see your name in print!

Please note that submissions may be edited for space, tone or clarity. Articles that

appear in Soapbox do not necessarily reflect the views of HK Magazine and its editors.

Hong Kong’s Taxi Problem

This article was submitted anonymously.

by Anonymous

It’s getting more and more difficult these days to hail taxis in Hong Kong, especially when

it’s late at night, or as soon as it starts to rain. By law, taxi drivers have to take customers

where they want to go, barring shift conflicts. However, it’s become very common for

taxi drivers to ask for a destination before unlocking the doors. If the destination is not

convenient for the driver, they ask for a fixed fare, as taxi drivers do in a developing

country, not “Asia’s World City.”

After midnight, taxis line up along double yellow lines all over Central, Tsim Sha Tsui

and other populated nightlife areas with their “Out of Service” signs on display, doors

locked and windows only slightly cracked. The drivers’ ploy is to wait for passengers willing

to go far enough to make it worth their while, or in many cases, pay a fixed price fare.

With the MTR closed, and most bus services stopped for the night, it leaves passengers

with no choice but to pay the inflated fares, which only encourages this kind of illicit

behavior. This is how corrupt, third world countries work, with everyone having to pay

a “surcharge” just to get everyday things done.

It’s understandable that taxis may not want to cross the harbour after certain times due

to shift changes. However isn’t it illegal to only accept passengers if they agree to take the

Western tunnel and pay the $65 return toll, instead of the cheaper and more economical

Cross-Harbour tunnel? According to the government-issued signs on the inside of each cab

door, the decision on which route to take is supposed to be made by the passenger.

Complaining to the Hong Kong police on patrol yields no results either, as the police

usually just rudely ask people to move along, without reprimanding the taxi drivers

for parking illegally or openly demanding illegal fares. There seems to be a loophole

here—if drivers are ever questioned, they simply say they are “on call,” and waiting for

a passenger who has pre-booked.

Although there is a hotline and website for taxi complaints via the Transportation

Department, threatening a taxi driver with a complaint has little effect, as it comes down to

the word of the passenger against the word of the taxi driver. In addition, one has to submit

a photo of a driver’s taxi badge on the dashboard, clearly showing the driver’s name and

photo. How is that possible if one has not even managed to get into the taxi in question?

While I notice there are several news briefs every week of undercover police officers

posing as mainland Chinese tourists and subsequently fining or even arresting taxi drivers

who overcharge, or sometimes even drive off with valuable luggage, it seems this is

hardly enough. Hong Kong’s new multi-billion-dollar cruise port opening was marred with

complaints of tourists being charged $400 for a $100 fare. Shouldn’t this be controlled?

It’s appalling that Hong Kong prides itself on being a developed, world-class city,

but cannot rein in rogue, corrupt taxi drivers.

As of 1994, there were 18,138 taxi licenses in Hong Kong. Today, 20 years later, that

number remains the same, while Hong Kong’s population has gone from about 6 million to

7 million, and the number of tourists per month has significantly increased (in 2013, there

were over 49 million visitors to Hong Kong). Because taxi licenses are transferable, these

licenses can now sell for over $7.5 million, compared to $2 million in 2006, making them

a very valuable tradeable asset. When property goes up, rentals go up: in order to cover

their taxi rental cost, taxi drivers need to make significantly more money.

Several other cities often benchmarked to Hong Kong—Singapore, Tokyo, London, New

York—do not have these taxi issues. Why? Because as the cost of living goes up in those

cities, so do taxi prices. However in Hong Kong, while property prices (and subsequently,

rentals) have doubled over the last six years, taxi prices have gone up a mere 10 percent.

Compared with the average taxi prices in other countries, Hong Kong’s are significantly

lower. In order to make the whole taxi system efficient, either the supply of taxis needs to

increase (which is likely to result in more traffic problems), or demand needs to decrease

(which can be solved by higher taxi fares). Either way, the Transportation Department

needs to figure out a solution to this problem, before critics begin comparing Hong Kong

against cities of the developing world, rather than the developed world.

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Hong Kong . Macau

I’m what was once quaintly called a “woman of a certain age” who started reading your column to broaden my horizons. As a result, some curiosities peeped their heads over the boundaries of my once happily repressed existence. I summoned the courage to join an online bdsM dating site. I got a response almost immediately from a man who decided to fill me in on how things worked. He proceeded to tell me my name would henceforth be sub, advised me that he was to be addressed as His Majesty King something, and ordered me to phone him. this was too much, too fast, and too weird. I gave him what I thought was a plausible excuse for my decision not to proceed to avoid hurting his feelings. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I tried blocking him, but he seemed to have several identities on the same site. I deactivated my account. so now I’m in a bit of a quandary as to where to seek out other options—preferably options that are safer and not so ritualistically restrictive. – fear of flying

“When folks first decide to explore a curiosity in kink or BDSM, one of the things I let them know is that this loose band of variegated kinky types—the kink community—is NOT a utopia of ultimate sexual enlightenment,” said Mollena Williams, a kinky author, activist, and blogger. “The kink community is a microcosm of the broader society, from the lowest common denominator to the crème de la crème.”

Sadly, FOF, it sounds like one of your first interactions was with a LowCom, not a CrèmeDe. “I wish I could say her experience is unique,” said Williams. “But it is not. The same creeps, jerks, and assholes on standard dating sites are on BDSM-centric sites. And some will utilize the trappings of consensual kink to nonconsensually slime people.”

What Williams means by “slime,” FOF, is “manipulate, intimidate, and potentially abuse.” Creepy assholes like His Majesty King Something will seek out younger and/or less experienced subs like you, because older and/or more experienced subs are more likely to recognize his behavior for the red-flag sliminess it is—and older and/or more experienced subs would tell him to fuck off without feeling obligated to spare his feelings.

So what can you do? “Block the trolls,” said Williams, “and seek out the awesome folks who are also hanging out at sites like FetLife.com, ALT.com, iTaboo.com, and BDSMfriendbook.com. A kink-friendly profile on a non-kink site is another option. I met my current dominant partner on OkCupid because my profile reveals that I happen to be a big old pervert. That caught his eye. Kinky folks are everywhere!”

You also have offline options, FOF. “She can find local events by checking out Caryl’s BDSM Page (drkdesyre.com) or by joining FetLife and searching events in her area,” said Williams. “She can attend munches, which are nonsexual social meet and greets, and classes are good places to meet people who are experienced.” Getting to know kinksters face-to-face doesn’t offer 100 percent protection from creeps, “but it’s a great way to get feedback, recommendations, and ever-important warnings. Essentially, dating in the kink world is no different than dating in the default world. You don’t have to drop your drawers because you’re told to. You don’t have to spank someone because they’re insisting they NEED it. Always meet on an equal footing first. Get to know potential partners and THEN decide if you’ve got enough in common to proceed.”

Two suggestions from me: Get a copy of “Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities” by Mollena Williams and Lee Harrington, and follow Mollena Williams on Twitter @Mollena.

I’m a 30-year-old bi girl and have been with my girlfriend for nearly 10 years. We discovered a love of bdsM together and we’ve had lots of fun exploring. Until now. I am a natural sub, but my girlfriend asked to switch and for me to dominate her. I have tried to do this half a dozen times, but afterward—or sometimes during a scene—she tells me it isn’t working. she says that it’s not about my actions but about my “tone.” Hearing this kills my ladyboner, and the scene fizzles and dies. It’s gotten to the point where I’m wondering if I should bother anymore if I can never get my “tone” right. I want to please her, and that usually keeps me trying over and over, but… I don’t know. I feel guilty and depressed because I can’t seem to return the pleasure she gave me when our roles were reversed. – Giving Up on bdsM

Either your technique and style are both lousy—maybe every fiber of your being is (subconsciously) screaming “I hate this role” during a scene—or your girlfriend is one of those BDSM switches who has a difficult time submitting to someone she knows, loves, wakes up next to every morning, gets into arguments with about bills, etc. It might be better if she subbed for someone else, GUOB, while continuing to dominate you.

I am married to a man who is into bdsM. I am happy to do lighter stuff, but I am not interested in squeezing into an uncomfortable corset and using a flogger on him. It doesn’t turn me on. so I gave him permission to visit a pro. It seemed like a good idea at the time. the pressure was off me, he was getting what he needed, our relationship and sex life improved. but I had no idea how much pros cost! He has been spending hundreds of dollars each month on his kinks! He has been going to see a pro twice a month and spends $200+ on each visit! I was shocked! I expected that he would go a few times a year and that these “sessions” would cost $100 a pop. We are supposed to be saving to buy a home! He spent more going to his pro in december than he did on christmas! I asked him to cut back and go see someone cheaper, and he became angry and defensive. He accused me of going back on our agreement. I know he reads your column. please help! What is a reasonable number of times to see a pro? What is a reasonable rate? What about a couple’s budget and plans for the future? – He spent More than I thought

Two hundred dollars a session—$200 an hour—isn’t an unreasonable rate when you consider a professional dom’s overheads and fixed costs. Corsets, floggers, bondage gear, and dungeon spaces do not come cheap. But unless money is no object and/or you’re single, blowing $400+ a month on visits to a pro dom is unreasonable and unfair. That’s $4,800+ a year, which could go a long way toward a down payment on a house. Since there aren’t many pro doms out there who work for $100 an hour—or many partners as understanding as you—your husband should think about cutting way the fuck back, getting a second job, or winning the lottery. But here’s something for you to think about, HSMTIT: You say all those sessions with a professional dominant have improved your relationship and your sex life. If your husband were spending $100 a week to see a shrink—$5,200 a year—and you were seeing those kinds of results, would you object?

Sports talk with Dan’s brother Billy at savagelovecast.com.

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Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday

at thestranger.com/[email protected]

sAvAGE lovEDan Savage


SPIRIT & MIND / HOME

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interview Tips: company research

• Do your research on the company, get the inside scoop on the company culture. Visit the company website and find out as much information about the company history, products and services.

• Use Linkedin! Here, you can find more information on the company along with new hires, promotions and statistics related to the company.

• Use Social Media! Facebook and Twitter are your friends. Become a fan of the company on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. Often you will find information here you would not find elsewhere.

• Google and Google News are great tools in finding more information about the company and what they are currently doing, search them both!

• Know their industry and their competitors. Find out as much as you can on their competitors and how they measure up to them.

A lot of times, it goes a long way when the interviewer can see that you have put time and effort into learning about their company. This shows initiative and the willingness to learn, these are often the traits that a company is looking for when hiring new staff.

HK Helps!

The Butchers Club is expanding and will be opening a second venue incorporating: a deli/café, private dining Steak House and an event space for up to 500 people. We are looking for

personable like-minded individuals to become part of a creative and fun loving team in the following areas…

Restaurant Manager/Supervisor – Day shifts

Restaurant Host/Server – Evening Shifts (full/part-time)

Part Time Event Servers

Sous Chef – Western Cuisine

Chef De Partie – Western Cuisine

Cleaners/Dish Washers

DriverThe Butchers Club offers great working conditions, above average pay scales and real career advancement opportunities. Candidates interested in joining us in this adventure should send a full resume

and recent photograph to [email protected]

www.butchersclub.com.hk : Tel 2552 8281 www.facebook.com/butchersclub

Due to our rapidly expanding popularity our industry leading restaurant is seeking:

Restaurant General ManagerYou should be an energetic fun individual with

at least 4 - 5 years’ proven experience in :Hands on front to back restaurant operations,

Staff motivation and sales development,Systems and cost control management and

Functions / events handling and developmentA good world wine knowledge is expected.

We are also looking for Full time and Part time

Waiters, Waitresses Bartenders, Bussers

& Dishwashersto join our winning team

Positions in Soho and Quarry Bay.We offer attractive packages for the brightest stars

Please email a full CV with recent photo and references to: [email protected]

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Market PLACESMart JOBS


Looking for Sharp f & B Staff?

Call the HK Sales department at 2534-9573.

Talented CHEF RequiredAre you a trained chef with a passion for

preparing western style dishes?Would you like to develop your skills working

in one of the most prestigious residences in Hong Kong?

Would you like to take advantage of an exciting career development opportunity?

The British Consulate-General seeks a high-calibre candidate for the role of

Residence Chef.

To find out more about the job and application procedure please visit: https://www.gov.uk/government/world/organisations/british-consulate-general-hong-kong/about/recruitmentDeadline for applications is on 2 February 2014.

Our company was established since 1994.1)Part-Time Models (Age: 16 to 45 years old)

For Photo Shooting/Fitting Job/Fashion Shows/TV Commercials/Products Image Representatives/Event Promotions- Requirements: Stylish/Cool/Smart/Elegant/Sweet/Camera Face

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3)Singer (Age: 18 or above)Love singing. Clear Pronunciation. For Hotel and Casino

4)Dancer (Age: 18 or above)Performing in concerts and events. (All kind of dance)

If you are interested, please contact Ms. Leung at 2740 9059 or email us for casting.

A simple, precise and true recruitment service is all we care about.We aim at providing simple and clean recruitment service in Hong Kong. Our experience and network would enable us to deliver end-to-end services. We are specialized in the Sales and Marketing sector: particularly in Retail and Brands, as well as Media, Digital and Advertising.Offering clients the best candidate possible is our only mission and we are here to redefine the role of a recruitment agency. We not only grasp but also create every possible opportunity to maximize your recruitment chances and offer you down-to-earth and hassle-free recruitment services.We are looking for talents with relevant experience for the following openings.

1. Advertising Sales Manager Uni. Grad. / 3 yrs experience / Experience in B2B / IT Solutions is an advantage

2. Account Director Uni. Grad. / 6 yrs experience / Excellent in organising marketing events and brand management

3. Creative Director Uni. Grad. / 8 yrs experience in creative field / Sensitive to consumer market

4. Operation Manager – Retail Chain (Station in Shanghai) Uni. Grad. / 6 yrs experience in retail chain stores operation / Knowledge of ISO standard (ISO 9000 and ISO 14000)

5. Area Manager / Boutique Manager – Luxury Fashion Diploma or above / 8 yrs experience in luxury retail

6. Senior / Sales Associate – Confectionary / Luxury Fashion F.5 or above / 3 yrs experience in retail

7. Part-Time Seasonal Helper Fresh Grad / Students under semester break are welcomed

Please send a full resume with date of availability, present & expected salary to [email protected] All applications will be treated in strict confidence and used only for recruitment purpose

Zentro / Zentro Garden Bar & Restaurant in Central / Tung Chung

1. Senior Chef / Junior Chef• Min 3-4 yrs relevant experience2. Supervisor• 3 yrs relevant experience3. Bartender• Min 2 yrs relevant experience4. Cashier• Min 2 yrs relevant experience• Restaurant or Bar experience is preferable5. Waiter / Waitress• Min 2 yrs relevant experience6. Cleaner / Dishwasher• Min 1 yrs relevant experience

Shift is requiredBoarding house is provided in Tung Chung.

Living near Tung Chung is preferable Please contact at 2899-2221 or fax to 2546-8377

or email: [email protected] data collected will be used for recruitment purpose only.

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First PersonbAcKUp

XKCDRANDALL MUNROE

The chef and owner of three-Michelin-star restaurant Bo Innovation, Alvin leung is at the top of his game. He tells Adele Wong about the forces that drive him, his contempt for those who complain, and his admiration for the late Sir Run Run Shaw.

I started to cook at a very young age and I was pretty good at it. Growing up in Canada it was easy: we had a bigger kitchen than in Hong Kong.

When I was in college, I cooked for friends and whatnot.

I came back to Hong Kong, worked in the family engineering business. I have a degree in environmental science.

fifteen years ago, I really got seriously into cooking. I was just bored. There was nothing else to do.

I was watching TV shows on cooking. At that time, chef [Jacques] Pépin was at his peak. He was doing something that was beyond home dishes. I got really interested in not just cooking, but fine dining.

there’s a difference between just cooking a casserole or stir-fry, and serving foie gras.

In 2003, I had an opportunity to take over a restaurant. My friend had a Japanese kaiseki restaurant with a Japanese chef, called Bo. It didn’t work out.

two things killed them. First, the Japanese were leaving Hong Kong so there wasn’t big demand for kaiseki. Secondly, SARS. He had an empty restaurant. I gave him 30 grand and that’s how Bo Innovation started.

I’m a creature of habit. Everywhere I go must be within one meter flip of a taxi.

I would say Wan Chai is the place where I hang out the most. There are a lot of

interesting restaurants in Wan Chai that I frequent. Chefs are very simple.

sir run run shaw made a lot of movies that I loved to watch when I was a kid. He was actually the oldest person ever to eat at Bo Innovation. I don’t think we can beat that record. He came here about three years ago. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there. I was out of town.

He donated a lot of money to a lot of causes, but he didn’t do it blindly. He did it for one cause: education.

I’m sitting near the top of the pyramid, I can’t say, “Oh, I feel how the people at the bottom are suffering.” No, I have not lived in a shoebox. I’ve been lucky all my life. I’m not going to say: “What’s wrong with inflation? What’s wrong with the lack of democracy?”

for us, we’re so fucking busy I don’t have time to go out and think about what rights we have. And we’re very happy obviously because what we want, we get.

but if you are not as fortunate, then you have a lot of time to complain. Did you know the more affluent you are, the less likely you are to complain?

A lot of times you complain because you are insecure of what position you hold in society, and therefore you have to complain just to justify where you think you should be. Complaining is a form of insecurity.

With politicians, you’re nice to everyone except each other.

I think we will achieve democracy [in Hong Kong] when China achieves it. Everybody is into something for their own interests.

there are not that many Mother Teresas and Elsie Tus in this world.

I think stress drives you. Stress is something we all have, unless you’re a cat sitting around all day smelling your ass. It’s the satisfaction of trying to overcome it.

Hong Kong is all about stress. Everybody on the streets is pushing each other. Hong Kong has a lot of energy, and the by-product of that is stress. And the by-product of stress is energy.

the higher you reach, sometimes the less secure you become. When you get higher, everybody’s at the bottom trying to get at you. Getting three Michelin stars, I probably lost a lot of friends.

practical people are pessimists. We are always trying to improve. I am a very practical person. I’m a pessimist because I’m a perfectionist.

It is true that when you achieve the maximum that there is a possibility of going down. It’s happened to me before. I had two stars, I went down to one.

However, it doesn’t stop you from improving. Sustainability, sometimes, means not changing. It means being conservative. It can hurt your creativity.

Getting three stars is half the journey. The other half is convincing everyone who comes to your restaurant that you’re worthy of the three stars.

check out bo Innovation at shop 13, 2/f, J residence, 60 Johnston rd., Wan chai, 2850-8371.

We are always trying to improve. I’m a pessimist because I’m a perfectionist.

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