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HK MAGAZINE NO. 1032 FRIDAY, FEbRuARY 21, 2014 www.hk-magazine.com

HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, FebRuARY 21, 2014 5

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21SHoppING

Stop dreading, start shredding

30opEN BAr

Inn Side Out: crazy new venue, same

awesome vibe

46fIrSt pErSoN

Migrant worker campaigner Sringatin

18trAvEL

Jamming five holidays into a Phuket day

24DISH

Made in Hong Kong: it’s not just for toys anymore

32fILM

“The Wolf of Wall Street”: a lupine “Goodfellas”

MEMBEr of:

14CovEr StorY

In a pickle? We know who to call

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1. Build a rocket.You’ll need heat, a spark, and quite a lot of rocket fuel. Lan Kwai

Fong in August should do it. This is your ideal launch window.

2. Develop dried space foods.In the cold, dark vacuum of space, food will have to be

efficient and free of moisture. Chances are we will spend $20

billion to develop dessicated foodstuffs before realizing that

we can just bring a big ol’ bag of conpoy instead.

3. Select your colonists.These must be men and women of character, intellect and

ability. Sadly, Legco is needed here on Earth, so we’ll have to

broaden the net to whoever we met drinking that one night

at the FCC. But seriously, throw in Edison Chen and Chrissie

Chau for propagation purposes. Yeah, sexy Martians.

4. fly to Mars.You’ll be travelling in a small, cramped colonizing vessel not

dissimilar to the Island Line at 6:30pm on a Monday evening.

See? Hongkongers were BORN for space travel.

5. Geomance.First things first: that large boulder is in the wrong place entirely.

Sea of Tranquility? More like Sea of Bad Luck unless you stick

a koi pond in the middle of it. Hope you brought a rake.

6. Deploy the biosphere.You are on a new planet and can truly spread out,

terraforming its entire surface to suit the needs of

your growing sexy Edison/Chrissie population. But here

comes your first problem: land is simply too abundant,

and thus cheap. Whatever will you invest in? Limit your

new one-country-two-planets biosphere so that it can

only accommodate a 400-square-foot flat per family,

forcing everyone into these artificial conditions and

you into profit. Call your biosphere “Le Recall Totalis”

to make it sound Mars-fancy.

7. Set up your dining scene.How could we survive on the red planet without Tsui Mars?

8. fight the Martian locusts.Even though all they want to do is shop at Cantonstellation

Road, you’re going to have to spend a lot of time shouting

at them for being Martian locusts intent on stealing all your

freeze-dried milk powder. Sadly, in space no one can hear

you scream.

With the news that a Hongkonger has been shortlisted for a colonization mission to Mars (see our interview on p.12) we started thinking... space is running out in Hong Kong. And even if they built more housing, who could afford it? Face it: If Hongkongers want a better life, they’re going to have to conquer the Red Planet before the Singaporeans get there. We’ve sketched out a rough guide:

The New Vancouver

pAGE 3

6 HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, FebRuARY 21, 2014

INBoxMr. Know-It-All’sGuide to LifeOur favorite smart aleck

answers life’s quandaries

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,

I’m new to Hong Kong and I don’t quite see why everyone hates CY Leung.

Shouldn’t we give him a break, already? – politics Newbie

Quite the question for a 400-word column,

Politics Newbie. But what it boils down

to is this: the people of Hong Kong didn’t

elect our glorious leader, and we don’t

like it. You might find it hard to believe,

but before all of this CY was a respected

pro-China businessman. He was never

the favorite for the post, not in the eyes of

Beijing. But when frontrunner Henry Tang

was entangled in a series of PR disasters

during the election—including an illegal

basement—the job was shifted onto CY’s

shoulders (never mind that CY, too, turned

out to have his own illegal structure).

According to polls conducted by HKU’s

Public Opinion Programme, in their first

month as CE, Tung Chee-hwa and Donald

Tsang held popularity ratings of 64.5 and

72.3 percent, respectively. CY Leung, by

contrast, took up office with 52.5 percent

approval: even less than Chris Patten, the

last Governor of Hong Kong.

The fact is that CY has never managed

to slough off his shaky start, and to say

he’s not really a “people person” is to

understate it massively. Perhaps because

of his runner-up status, he’s been keen

to appease Beijing wherever possible.

Plans to introduce China-style “National

Education” met with violent opposition the

month before CY took office, and Leung

had to give up on the measures. From then

on it was fiasco after fiasco as his cabinet

reeled off one stupid statement after

another. Tainted by an ICAC corruption

scandal, country park zoning scandals,

a television licensing scandal, and press

freedom scandals, Leung’s never been

able to get the momentum going his way.

His recent pro-poverty-alleviation policy

address may have been a step in the right

direction, but Hong Kong’s most vocal

critics aren’t going to let up that easy.

You could say that CY Leung lacks

what the ancient Chinese emperors called

the “Mandate of Heaven.” This Confucian

ideal stated that a just emperor was

blessed by the gods; whereas a cruel

or unfair emperor would lose his divine

support and the people would overthrow

him. Without a vote or even popularity,

there’s no mandate on heaven or earth

that lets our CE do the job he’s been

installed to do.

The truth is that CY Leung is in an

impossible position. What Beijing wants

isn’t what Hong Kong wants. What the CE

wants isn’t what his cabinet wants. And

when CY Leung smiles, he looks dangerous

and ridiculous at the same time. Seems like

the Mandate of Heaven never planned on

the power of digital photography.

Private Eye

Mr. Know-It-All answers your questions and quells your urban concerns.

Send queries, troubles or problems to [email protected].

An Honest Day’s Work photo by Jordan Miller


LettersLetters, photos, musings, rants and raves all welcome:

[email protected]

Calling All ChefsChefs, no matter the distance between

us, are part of a community. We are a

fellowship of likeminded individuals

driven by passion; unafraid of hard work

and, no matter how competitive we are,

we stick together when things get tough.

We care. We give back. We look

after our own!

We need you now, more than ever,

to show your support for one of us.

Frank Gocht, a chef who has touched

the lives of many, is suffering from

incurable Motor Neuron Disease.

All you have to do is take a short

smartphone video of you and your team in

the kitchen. Make it as quirky and fun as

you can, wishing Frank well!

Ask your fellow chef friends, wherever

they are in the world, to do the same!

We have created a Facebook page

especially for these videos, and have

made it very easy to do:

1. Firstly, take some A4 sheets of paper

and write something fun, including your

restaurant name, city and country

(or add a flag!)

2. Grab your kitchen team together,

get someone to make a very short

(15 seconds or less!) video on Instagram

and tag it #chefsuniteforfrank.

3. If you don’t use Instagram, you can

also upload it straight onto your personal

(and/or restaurant) Facebook page and

share the link with www.facebook.

com/chefsuniteforfrank.

Check out the Facebook page to see

what we have done as an example and

get creative!

Time IS short, so please spread

the word and do this ASAP!

Chefs Unite for frank

Via email

Effusive praiseAn interviewee from our

“Heritage Done Right”

feature [Feb 7, Issue 1,028]

sings high praises of writer

Yannie Chan.

Dear Yannie,

I got to read your article on Hong Kong’s good

and bad examples of heritage conservation

in HK Magazine and really enjoyed it! Besides

being well researched, informative and

appropriately critical, your style of writing,

with touches of irony in the right places, has

made the article such a delight to read!!

Hoyin Lee

Architectural Conservation Programme,

HKU

Love for YalunDear HK Magazine,

I am so happy to know that my letter

became Letter of the Week [Issue 1,029,

Jan 31]. It motivated to write more, to get

in touch with my feelings, and observe

details of everyday life and be inquisitive.

I really enjoy reading Yalun’s Straight Man

column. I often chuckle while reading his

opinions. His CNY Resolutions piece this

week is no exception. Some of his to-do

items intrigue me: the “Yellow Fever” and

“Kissing an Asian Girl.” I wonder, what are

the traits of an Asian woman that are found

attractive by a foreigner or half-foreigner?

How can an Asian girl get kissed (not while

clubbing) because of l’amour? Should a

local with a perfect American/British accent

imitate a Chinese/Hong Kong accent?

Should she try to be a gong nui (港女, or

“Kong” girl)? I believe I—no, my friends—

need some tips.

Joey Cheung

Via email

Letter of the Week

Write in and Win!Got something to say? Write us!

Our letter of the week will receive a print of our 1,000th issue cover,

lovingly painted by our Art Director Pierre Pang.


tHE WEEK

Keep it classy with

Boqueria’s sangria

Friday 2/21Bard to the BoneFrom the folks behind “War Horse” comes this production of Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”—capturing the love, laughter, foes and fairies of this sexy comedy. FYI: we’ve been promised nudity.feb 21-23, 25-28. City Hall, 5 Edinburgh place, Central. $160-480 from www.urbtix.hk.

Saturday 2/22To Market, To MarketAnother day, another cool outdoor market. Harbour Artisanal will showcase local foods: think roast chicken from La Rotisserie, steak sandwiches from The butcher’s Club, sushi rolls from Sugo… all washed down with a craft beer from Hop Leaf. Noon-6pm. fire Dragon path, tai Hang. www.harbourartisanal.com. free entry.

Make Some NoiseIndie music store and label White Noise

records is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year with a string of shows. Kicking things off this week is Tokyo band Sgt.

(pictured) at Hidden Agenda, with math-rock four-piece Tricot to follow in March.

There’ll be an official party on April 12, with details still to come—watch this space.

See Nightlife listings, p.30.

CoMING Up

MoNtHU

Tuesday 2/25Pack a PunchFancy something different for your mid-week tipple? Hit up Boqueria’s Spanish happy hour, with free-flow Estrella draft beer and red sangria alongside tapas: think jamón serrano and patatas bravas. ¡Olé!Mon-Sat, 6-8pm. Boqueria, 7/f, LKf tower, 33 Wyndham St., Central. $188 per person.

Wednesday 2/26The Jet SetSick of festering in economy class? Hong Kong Airlines has a business class promotion for two that runs through the end of March. Destinations include Taipei, bangkok, Shanghai, Okinawa, beijing and bali; prices start from $1,860 for a round trip.through Mar 31, www.hongkongairlines.com.

Thursday 2/27Lord of the DanceIgor Moiseyev is one of the dance world’s most highly decorated choreographers, and his dancers have performed around the globe. They blend traditional ballet, bright costumes, rural folklore and irresistible music into a big, high-energy performance. through Mar 2. Grand theatre, Cultural Centre, 10 Salisbury rd., tsim Sha tsui, $100-520 from www.urbtix.hk.

SUN

Sunday 2/23Bear With MeSave the Bears hits two birds with one (charitable) stone—it will benefit Animals Asia’s quest to end bear bile farming in China and Vietnam, while also promoting eco-friendly fashion practices. buy donated goods and win prizes in a lucky draw.2-5pm. the Hive, 21/f, the phoenix Building, 23 Luard rd., Wan Chai. free entry; rSvp at [email protected].

Monday 2/24Giddy Heights Registration is closing today for the red Bull flugtag, a global event that challenges participants to design, build and pilot their own planes—which have to weigh less than 100kg. What could possibly go wrong?visit www.redbullflugtag.hk for more details.

ph

oto

: An

imals A

sia/peter Y

uen


NEWS Edited by Yannie [email protected] Twitter: @yanniecsy

“The Urban Renewal Authority is the government’s condom.”Planning and design director of the Urban Renewal Authority

Michael Ma offers up a graphic metaphor in an urban planning

forum. He explained that the government throws projects aside

once they get unpopular, pushing them onto the URA. He defended

the URA, saying that they are crippled by the government. Ma claimed

that when the Authority was criticized for clearing out the city’s last

racing pigeon seller, the URA tried to help him set up shop elsewhere—

but the government refused to renew his license.

Mon 10taste test The Chinese University apologizes for using simplified Chinese in an entrance

examination for its PhD degree in physics. Of the 53 people taking the exam, five were from Hong

Kong. During the exam, three Hongkongers had trouble understanding the simplified Chinese

terminology. The university has scheduled another exam for the affected students, promising to

use only English in future assessments.

tue 11Kindled Spirit A fisherman discovers

that a wood block he found is of the

common camphor variety rather than

the rare and expensive agarwood

he thought it to be. the wood is

estimated to be worth $100,000—

not bad, although not quite the

$100 million it would have been for

the real deal.

fri 14toilet trick In Pat Heung, a 27-year-old man

escapes custody while being detained for

drug possession. The man tells the police

officers on duty that he needs to use the

bathroom, and escapes while inside one of

the stalls. The police are still looking for him.

thu 13House of Cash A 50-year-old Hong Kong

man buying a house in Shenzhen decides

to pay in cash. He crosses the border at

the Huanggang port Control point with

two bags full of $1,000 banknotes, worth

$5.5 million. He is fined $1.09 million, as

it is illegal to bring more than $40,000

across the border.

Wed 12private pyro At around noon, fireworks suddenly

light up Tuen Mun’s Lung Kwu Tan for more than

two minutes, shooting up to five stories high.

Five young men flee the scene just as firemen

arrive. Residents claim that the fireworks were

as elaborate as the ones at Victoria Harbour.

It is illegal to privately own fireworks in

Hong Kong.

Commercial radio Sacks HostCommercial Radio host and outspoken government critic Li Wei-ling was abruptly fired

last Wednesday. The sudden dismissal, along with the earlier removal of Li from her popular

morning show, was seen as an attack on press freedom. Li says CY Leung was behind

her sacking, claiming she’s been told that Leung hates her. She also accused the radio station,

which is due to renew its license in 2016, of capitulating to the authorities. CR’s chief

adviser Stephen Chan calls the allegations “ridiculous,” but advises the station to explain the

dismissal. CY Leung says he’s talked to no one about Li’s work.

our take: Our editor is suddenly worried about his job…

Sole Winter olympian Labeled Sore LoserSpeed skater and lone Sochi Winter Olympics qualifier Barton Lui Pan-to complained that

he wasn’t allowed to bring a doctor with him to Russia, although six other Olympic

Committee officials were sent to accompany him. Lui had an injury to his right ankle,

and wanted to keep a physician on hand. Senior Olympic Committee official Pang Chung

explained that a doctor is only granted for big squads. Official Ronnie Wong Man-chiu

accused Lui of blaming the committee for his early exit from the games but Lui’s coach

said an athlete’s needs should be top priority. Lui later retracted his comment.

our take: Six officials for a single athlete—sounds the civil service to us.

Committee Suggests Developing Lantau Former Executive Council member and current member of the Lantau Development

Advisory Committee Franklin Lam Fan-keung says Lantau can transform from an “ugly

duckling” to a “white swan” by developing the island into a residential and commercial

metropolis for 300,000 people. Lam also proposes opening up Lantau’s country parks for

development, questioning their value as a “back garden” for the public. Government figures

show that 1.84 million people visited the Lantau parks in 2012. Fellow committee member

Kaizer Lau Ping-cheung said that if the country parks are developed, Hongkongers can travel

to the mainland for their greenery instead. He claims that parks are a colonial feature.

Lam Chiu-ying, former director of the Hong Kong Observatory, asked the government to

develop golf courses instead.

our take: One of these days, beaches and Chinese white dolphins will be dismissed as

mere colonial features too.

Last Week In Reality Talking Points

Quote of the Week

We read the news, so you don’t have to.

Sam

tsang/S

CM

p

Sat 8Crash Course A 70-year-old mentally ill woman is sentenced to a year of probation for trying

to scam drivers by pretending to be hit by their cars. Last September, the woman ran onto a road

just as a car was coming towards her, then pretended to collapse even though the car had stopped

before impact. She got up as soon as she saw that the driver was a policeman in uniform.

Sun 9the Buddha’s touch fifty people and

their pets participate in a Buddhist

conversion ceremony at HKCEC’s

annual pet show. A Buddhist monk

leads a reading of the scripture and

sprinkles holy water on the animals—

from cats and dogs to turtles and

parrots. A parrot allegedly sings along

to the Buddhist chants.

Chip tsao is a best-selling author, columnist

and a former producer for the BBC. His columns

have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine

and CUp Magazine, among others.

PoLITICALLY INCoRRECT with Chip Tsao


香港藝術節的資助來自The Hong Kong Arts Festival is made possible with the funding support of

hkm27_v5.indd 1 14/2/14 ��7:09

Canada Says No To ChinadaCanada has slammed the door on

45,000 potential Chinese “investor

migrants” who want to gatecrash the

country with tons and tons of hot cash.

The decision, announced by the Ottawa

government last Wednesday, made

many rich mainland Chinese furious.

Stranded and confounded, some

of them bashed Canada as “racist,”

“discriminatory”—even Fascist.

But for the rest of the world, the

Ottawa government has a point. With

the world’s cash flooding into China,

which is the most robust market engine

in the world, steaming ahead with

somewhere between 7 and 14 percent

GDP growth per year since 1991, it is

baffling for any rational Chinese to go

against the global mainstream and

throw their cash into the economic

torpor of a country like Canada.

It is a challenge to common sense

to think of what the Chinese can

“invest in” Canada. Last year I visited

Scarborough, Toronto: a Chinese colony,

or “Chinatown,” as it is more commonly

known. The 3-square-mile ghetto is

dotted with hundreds of foot massage

parlors, with middle-aged Chinese

women hanging outside soliciting

for customers; and another hundred

Chinese restaurants, with haggard and

shabby-looking Chinese bosses and

waiters yawning or smoking, so bored

they looked on the brink of death.

There seemed very few “investment

opportunities” left, except perhaps

visiting the northern shores to collect

male seal genitals as an aphrodisiac.

Free Chinese newspapers are

piled up at entrances of Chinese

supermarkets and restaurants

everywhere in the Mong Kok-like

ghetto. With layouts, headlines

and editorials that sounded like

the People’s Daily in Beijing, these

Chinatown newspapers unanimously

reported and hailed the prosperity

of China and decline of the west,

or called for Canadian-Chinese to

be ready to fight for China against

the US and Japan. The classified ads

seemed more authentically informative,

with information about where to get

Mandarin-speaking solicitors for short-

cuts to obtaining Canadian citizenship,

or casual relief with an apparently

illegally working Chinese sex worker.

By rejecting a mass number of

rich Chinese applicants, the Canadian

immigration department is helping

President Xi Jinping to nail his people

down to their own soil. Xi called for

his people to struggle for a “Chinese

Dream” (a term plagiarized from Martin

Luther King Jr. or any American for that

matter), to make his country strong

and proud. It is not constructive to

flee China with your cash and build

your dream in Toronto or Vancouver

instead of Beijing and Shanghai.

For the tiny 35-million population of

Canada, including some selfish former

Hongkongers who landed shortly after

the Tiananmen massacre in June 1989,

it would be a nightmare to witness the

country that they love transform

into a Chinada.


UpfroNtStreet TalkHongKabulary

HK Magazine: A one-way trip to Mars? Did we hear that right? Birdy Cheng: It’s a program by Dutch

company Mars One, which aims to send

around two dozen people on a one-way

trip to Mars in 2024, to start a permanent

human community. It’s deciding who gets to

go, and I’m one of the 1,000 people entering

the final rounds. The journey to Mars itself

will take 210 days.

HK: But you can never come back! BC: I was an environmental activist in

secondary school and at university, and

I’ve seen far too many failed attempts to

improve the environment because people

are unwilling to change. I reckon going to

Mars would be better, because there will

be fewer people opposing environmental

campaigns.

HK: Do you hate Earth that much?BC: Humans are always making foolish

decisions. One good example is that we

hunt animals. We kill tigers and deer. We kill

elephants for their tusks. I also haven’t been

very happy in Hong Kong. It’s just a crowded

space—tiny tables and tiny flats. I feel so

oppressed. Do I feel that I can’t stretch my

abilities? I can’t even stretch my arms!

HK: What are your plans for when you get to Mars?BC: The first thing would be to survive,

which is a huge feat in itself. There might

be internal conflicts or fights for girls.

Personally, I want there to be three women

for one man, and that the fights will be

for me! Other than that, I hope to build a

sustainable community, where all resources

are recycled and reused. I am prepared to

drink my own purified urine.

HK: What about doing something for Hong Kong?BC: If I do get to go, I want to make

Cantonese the official language in the entire

universe. I will also teach my teammates to

play mahjong.

HK: What’s changed since joining the program?BC: Now, I find most matters people are

concerned with are trivial. I used to go to

protests and rallies a lot. But since joining

the program, I don’t think those issues are

that important anymore.

HK: How are you preparing for your trip?BC: I’m training to juggle three balls at once

now. The juggling will improve my balancing

skills and reaction speed, which will help me

to control the rocket when we come across

a shower of meteoroids. I imagine this will

be one of the situations I’ll have to handle.

HK: What’s your next step?BC: If I pass the second-round selection

in April, I’m hoping to get sponsors. I want

a VIP pass to Ocean Park’s Turbo Drop,

so I can get used to the scary anti-gravity

feeling. I’m really hoping for sponsors for

laser eye surgery. Another thing I need help

with is paying for a laser hair removal from

the eyebrows down, except for my leg hair,

because shaving is a lot of trouble.

HK: What do your family and friends think? BC: My mother doesn’t understand the idea

of outer space and thinks the entire project

is a scam. Nothing unusual from my friends,

except that the post about the project got

me some 100 Facebook likes, the most likes

I’ve ever received.

HK: What happens if you don’t get to go after all?BC: I’m like a gambler. You don’t talk to a

gambler about the odds of losing. They see

a gambling table, and they go for it. Even if

I don’t get to go this time, I will continue to

keep fit and stay committed to my cause.

Besides, my Chinese name, Cheng Yu-pang,

has predicted my fate. Yu means “universe”

and Pang means “flying.”

HK: Are you nervous about the trip?BC: I’m just excited every day. When I’m

lying in bed before I go to sleep, I can’t stop

daydreaming about what the journey will

be like. I imagine being attacked by aliens.

I want to go to Mars this minute. Please

adjust the clock to the year 2024!

Learn more about the project at

www.mars-one.com.

So the landlord’s doubled your rent: you’ve got to move. How

about to Mars? Birdy Cheng Yu-pang is in line for a one-

way journey to the red planet. The 25-year-old tells Yannie

Chan about how he’s preparing for his outer space adventure.

Beef Ball Bingo (bi:f bɑl bɪŋoʊ), n.The dim sum queue ticketing system where numbers mean nothing and the time you’ve spent waiting is irrelevant. “I’ve been in line for 45 minutes! Why did those people get a table before us!?” “Relax, bro, it’s Beef Ball Bingo. Your time will come. Eventually.”

SHANGHAI—A visitor looks at an art piece, “Infinity Mirrored Room—Love Forever,”

at a solo exhibition by Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama at the Museum of Contemporary

Art, Shanghai. (Simon Song/SCMP)

Caption This

HongKabulary

rED Box KArAoKE DoWNSIZES

WoRKER INSPECTS TINY BALLRooM foR MoDEL CCPCC CoNGRESS

fast FactsWe Have Ways, EhAlternative ways of getting Canadian citizenship.

Subdivided Flats Subdivide Humans

➢ Moose-chugging.

➢ Smoking crack with local dignitaries.

➢ Marrying noted Canadian Alanis Morissette.

➢ Becoming Dog, the Mountie Hunter

➢ Acquiring poutine monopoly; holding a nation to ransom.

➢ pretending to like Canada.


I Know a Guy...So you need something done. Who you gonna call? These 45 people might be a start. By HK Staff

Fixers

umbrella Repair Got a brolly with some sentimental value? Ho Hung-hei has been making and repairing umbrellas at Ho Hei Kee Umbrella at the top of Peel Street since 1947. Although an umbrella is no longer the luxury item it was in the 1950s, the 91-year-old says he has never considered retiring. Ex-customers include political bigwigs Anson Chan and Rita Fan.

70 peel St., Central, 2778-4306. Closed Sundays.

Car Mechanic Busted flywheel? Do you even know what a flywheel is? Hp Cars has two shops in Hong Kong: one in the New Territories (Hong Tsuen Road, Sai Kung) and the other on Hong Kong Island (4 Fung Yip St., Chai Wan). The qualified Aussie electricians and mechanics offer all types of car repair and maintenance services, as well as pre-purchase inspections. As an added bonus, there’s free pick-up and delivery.

2558-0222, www.hpcarshk.com.

Watch Repair Whether it’s your Rolex or a plastic watch with sentimental value, Simon Yeh offers affordable and professional repair, cleaning and battery replacement services. Also a passionate watch and clock collector, Yeh has a selection of reasonably priced vintage watches for sale in the shop—restored to life by Yeh himself.

Shop 50, 1/f, Bowring Commercial Center, 150 Woo Sung St., Jordan, 2302-0958.

iPhone Repair We’ve all dropped our phones in the toilet at least once. Right? Thankfully, Bxtone will make your baby brand new again in as little as 30 minutes, charging from $150 for a small iPhone 4 fix to around $2,000 for Samsung screen replacements. They also do phone trade-ins (psst: the 5S is going for $8,500), so if you’re looking to replace your dusty old 4, look no further than here.

Unit S29, 2/f, Sin tat plaza, 83 Argyle St., Mong Kok, 5498-2765, www.facebook.com/sellmobile8.

Foodies

Nutritionist With extensive experience in weight management, cardiovascular diseases and diabetes, Sally poon Shi-po works as a private registered dietitian—offering either in-office or at-home consultations. Her website is also a great resource for nutrition tips.

Suite 155, 15/f, Somptueux Central, 52-54 Wellington St., Central, 3752-0685, www.personaldietitian.com.hk.

Personal Chef If you’re keen to host a house party, but lack the culinary skills to impress your guests, get tom Burney to help out. He and his team offer private catering and cooking services right in the comfort of your home. Dinner menus start at about $600 per head.

www.hongkong personalchef.com.

Knife Sharpener The sharper the knife, the safer it is. Mr. Chan’s knife-sharpening service at Chan Wah Kee Cutlery costs between $100 and $600, and there’s a three-month waiting list. Chan uses nine different stones to grind each blade and he offers a free sharpening service if you buy a knife from him.

278 temple St., Yau Ma tei, 2730-4091.

Spice Merchants Tired of paying $50 for a tiny jar of faded spice? Head to Yuan Heng just off Cat Street in Sheung Wan for burlap sacks out front full of cinnamon, chili, liquorice, fennel seeds and Sichuan pepper. It’s worth going for the smell if nothing else.

19 tung St., Sheung Wan, 2542-0275, www.yuanhengspice.com.

Wheatgrass Fixers Real health means churning vegetables into liquid form, as we all know. Get a tray of fresh wheatgrass ($300) or bundles of organic kale ($98 for two) delivered straight to your door from Green vitamin. Also available: frozen beetroot, wheatgrass or kale shots (12 for $400) and a plethora of other ridiculously healthy edibles. Don’t let the domain name put you off; the company is based in Sheung Wan.

www.greenvitamin.co.uk.

Camera Repair

You have to go out of your way to find raymond at the High-Speed Electrical Company, but it’s worth it. Reminiscent of a mad scientist’s lab, the space is brimming with camera parts and tools. Expect to pay $100 for an annual camera cleaning, and around $350 for smaller fixes.

22/f, pak po Lee Commercial Center, 1A Sai Yeung Choi St. South, Mong Kok, 9495-4694.

Handyman Handymen Mark fraser and Andrew Mackintosh founded CD&I Man With a Drill in 1996. Since then, it’s become a very popular fix-it service, particularly in the expat community. The duo provides fast, clean and reliable services—covering everything from painting and decorating to installing bathroom and kitchen fixtures.

5/f, Sau Wa terrace, 29-30 Sau Wa fong, Wan Chai, 2815-7929, www.cdihk.com.

Plumber Kui Wong, or the “plumber King,” is known for the distinct graffiti that advertises his services all over town. When he’s not leaving his personal brand of calligraphy on any surface he can find, Mr. Tong is busy in his day job as a plumber, and will travel anywhere in Hong Kong. Prices vary.

9226-3203.

Locksmith No reason to fear another lockout, now that you know about Allan Yeung and his team of seven at Mr. Locksmith. They provide round-the-clock unlocking, installation and repair services within five minutes to half an hour—always via motorcycle. Charges vary from $300 to $500. Call for an estimate first.

9789-3496, www.locksmithhk.com.


Good Lookers

Private Yoga Instructor If you can’t find a yoga class to fit your schedule, Inspire Yoga can come to your home or office with a wide range of services—think therapeutic yoga for people with injuries, prenatal and kids’ yoga, meditation and Pilates. A package of five one-on-one classes is $4,500, but it gets cheaper the more you buy.

Unit 1803, Car po Commercial Building, 18-20 Lyndhurst terrace, Central, 9167-3376, www.inspire-yoga.com.

Personal Trainer Want someone to help whip you back into shape? Private personal trainer Lap fong offers many types of tailored packages—from boot camp-style group sessions to basketball and circuit training. Rates differ depending on the activity and number of people, so call him for an exact quote.

9219-0161, [email protected].

Massage Outcall If you have some aching muscles in need of some TLC, call Hava Massage, which will send an expert masseuse right to your door at $380 for an hour, or $580 for two. If your own bed is too soft, the therapist can bring a folding massage table for an additional fee.

2680-0860, www.hava.com.hk.

Nails to Go Host a girly nail party in the comforts of your own home (or even office) with help from rainbow Nails. For a minimum charge of $1,500—that’s about three manis and two pedis, plus travel expenses ($200 for HK Island and TST, more if farther), the therapists at Rainbow Nails will do your nails at a place of your choosing. Book at least two weeks in advance.

Unit 503, 5/f, Canton House, 54-56 Queen’s rd. Central, 2840-0660, www.rainbownails.com.hk.

Pet Lovers

Mobile Dog Groomer Dirty dogs suck. Wash Your pet pet will come to you and pamper your beloved pup in a mobile grooming truck. The standard service grooming package (from $330) includes hand brushing, loose hair removal and nail trimming, followed by a shampoo and blow dry. Add on a spa treatment ($120) or upgrade to a senior stylist ($60) for an extra posh pooch.

2895-5022, www.washyourpetpet.com.

Dog Walker Your dog will be able to get a daily dose of exercise even while you’re slaving away at your desk, thanks to Heidi and Brian at Hong Kong Dog Walker, who are more than happy to walk your pet, with rates starting at $140 per hour. The service is available to those living in Central to Kennedy Town.

tiny.cc/hk-dogwalker.

In-Home Vet

Instead of dragging your sick pooch to the vet clinic, Homevet’s Dr. Matthew Murdoch will set up a clinic in your home with his mobile veterinary service. Trained in Britain, Murdoch travels with a translator, enabling him to work in both English and Cantonese. The team is on-call 24/7, though visits between 7pm and 8am infer a surcharge. A typical house call costs around $650, not including additional lab work or medicines.

9860-5522, www.homevet.com.hk.

Cat Sitter Leave dear Tabitha with a caregiver from Cat Sitter while you’re on holiday, and she won’t even notice you’re gone. Choose the level of attention she needs (anywhere from one to three visits a day), and while the sitters are at it, they’ll also help clean the litterbox and perform basic grooming.

www.catsitterhk.com.

Design Heads

Web Designer Freelance web designer Eak helps individuals and SMEs build websites and mobile applications from scratch. His services start from a few thousand dollars for simple sites, to $25K and up for e-shops or more complex systems.

www.designbyeak.com.hk

T-shirt Printer The Sevens is coming up. Do you need 15 shirts that spell out something stupid? Print custom-designed individual T-shirts at t-shirt Workz—without a minimum order. From $65 per piece.

Shop 70G, Block 13, City Garden Shopping Centre, 233 Electric rd., North point, 2510-7500, altitudeshirts.com.

Photo Printer Get your vacuous visage slapped on a mug, jigsaw puzzle or calendar at Ur photo, which can even print your pix onto smartphone skins, giant greeting cards, notebooks, coin purses and more. Delivery is free and you can do it all online.

www.urphoto.com.

Makeup Artist Blushing bride? Birthday bash? Costume party coming up? Drop Saint Warren a line. He’s done high fashion, TV, red carpet events, celebrities and brides. He also happens to do awesome zombie makeup.

6295-7625, saintwarren.com.


Pickup Artists

Recycling Pickup If you don’t trust your recycling to go where it’s meant to, give HK recycles a call. This social enterprise will pick up your recycling from your doorstep for a small fee ($30 per week, or $45 for a big family), and ensure that it’s sustainably processed.

www.hkrecycles.com.

Feng Shui If you think that lamp is sending bad vibes your way, get feng shui master Sifu Lam in to take a look. He charges $10 per square foot of property. Skeptical? The Sifu predicted Hong Kong’s financial climate for Henry Tang in 2003, and the Hong Kong Film Award winners of 2007.

8C,10/f, Alhambra Building, Nathan rd., Yau Ma tei, 9221-1830, www.hkwm.com/fengshui/bird-telling.

Limo Pickup Get picked up from the airport in a Merc like some kind of a baller with parklane Limousine—you can also hire these guys for events and other pickups, for a minimum of two hours. Prices from $500 per hour.

7/f, Yue Hwa International Building, 1 Kowloon park Drive, tsim Sha tsui, 2730-0662, www.hongkonglimo.com.

Man with a Van Mr. Magic Miracle is reasonably priced, speaks great English, and is exceedingly enthusiastic about your furniture. He gets his name from his sideline in massage: ride alongside him and he’ll show you volumes of multilingual testimonials from his totally relaxed clients.

9314-5261.

Laundry Pickup Laundromat Clean Living provides a pick-up and delivery service for customers who can’t be bothered to lug their dirty clothes and dry cleaning down to the shop. You lazy creature.

Call for an appointment 2334-0009.

Frills and Thrills

Party Supplies Admittedly, Wing on Ho isn’t a “guy”—it’s an enormous restaurant supply store that takes up four storefronts and stocks everything you could ever need for your next house party. Storefronts are divided by theme, so you’ll find wooden products in one, baking and packaging in the next, industrial kitchen supplies in the next—all at wholesale prices.

335-339 Shanghai St., Yau Ma tei, 2332-2443,

www.woodwork-professor.com.

book binder The go-to binder for many universities, Dolby Binding is respected for its speedy, professional and reasonably priced binding services. They will bind your PhD thesis, worn books, or your slim volume of sensitive poetry, in a wide selection of styles.

G/f, 29C pokfulam rd., Sai Ying pun, 2858-8086, binding.com.hk.

Packaging Wing tai plastic Bags on Jervois Street is, unsurprisingly, a wholesaler of paper and plastic bags and other packaging materials, including chiffon bags and gift boxes. There’s a ton of useful stuff here, whether you’re looking for packaging for wedding favors or if you’re starting a business and need bags for your customers. Warning: there’s no English sign.

107 Jervois St., Sheung Wan, 2850-4868.

Off the Rack

Leather Repair

Jackie from Ah Moon designs bags, runs leather working courses and tailor-makes goods, but she and the team will take the time to repair your busted leatherwear back to brand-new.

room 302, Kamming House, 49-51 Queen’s rd. Central, 2510-0031, www.ahmoon.com.

Alterations

Whether you’ve slimmed down or fattened up, tailor Kwan can take your suits in or out to fit your ever-changing frame, and it won’t take him long at all.

Shop 229, Central Escalator Link Alley, Central Market, 2526-3228.

Shoe Repair If your boots and pumps are in need of some TLC, Mr. Hui and his team at Best Skill can help with general repair for most types of shoes. Fees start at $40 for a new set of heels and $80 for a new sole.

1 Canal rd. East, Causeway Bay, 3156-1483.

Glasses Guy Stop subsidizing Optical 88’s extortionate rents and check out J vision. This popular chain can fill complex prescriptions and sell you designer frames at great prices. And if you just need a cheap spare pair or specs? No-brand glasses cost just a few hundred bucks.

outlets citywide, including room 1305, 13/f, East point Center, 555 Hennessey rd., Causeway Bay, 2970-3818, jvision.com.hk.

Seamstress Jennifer and her husband at T&F won’t just shorten your shirtsleeves—she can alter almost anything in your wardrobe, and transform last season’s Dolce & Gabbana skirt into a statement dress, or your mom’s old sweatshirt into a funky tube top. She can also rework old handbags, depending on the shape and material.

Shop 9, B/f, Apple Mall, 15-31 Hysan rd., Causeway Bay, 2882-4284.

Dressmaking Looking for that perfect fit? Everyone in the know heads to perfect Dress Alteration in Melbourne Plaza for cheap and skillful alterations. Whether you want to hem a pair of trousers, take in a dress or mend some dropped stitches, the tailors here can restore your dresses perfectly.

2/f, Melbourne plaza, 33 Queen’s rd. Central, 2522-8838.

bra Fitting If you can’t find good support for your girls in Hong Kong, pay Braologie a visit. It stocks sizes from 28AA to 38G in varying degrees of coverage to ensure a flattering fit, no unsightly bulges, and above all: comfort. If you need more support under your clothes, it also offers contour bras, corsets, bodysuits and control knickers. Prices start at around $500 for the “advanced casual foundation bra.” Go online to schedule an appointment for a fitting service in either the Causeway Bay or TST showroom.

Make an appointment: Message/Whatsapp 5500-3094 or visit www.braologie.hk.

ph

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: Liam fitzp

atrick/Black B

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inia via flickr

Alterations for all!


Pet Acupuncture

Does your pet suffer from obesity, diabetes and other eerily human illnesses? Take them for a touch of acupuncture at the Tin Hau Pet Hospital, where Dr. Grace Li and her associates will hopefully needle them back to good health. One session starts from $350.

Shop B, G/f, Wilson Court, 41 King’s rd.,tin Hau, 2104-2000, thph.com.hk.

Tour Guide

You can live in this city and never know parts of it. Fix that with a tour of Hong Kong’s food, drink, history or districts—perhaps all of the above—with writer and truly lovely Hongkonger Daisann McLane, who’s in charge of the team at bespoke Little Adventures tours in Hong Kong. She knows her stuff.

www.littleadventuresinhongkong.com.

I Know a Zombie…

Need a hand but don’t have the cash? Get in touch with Zombie tam of Cat Every Matter—the group will perform just about any job you can think of in exchange for a meal. Cat Every Matter has helped plan travel itineraries, find long-lost family members, construct furniture and has even provided a live human anatomy model.

9622-6210, facebook.com/cateverymatter.

Looking for Something A Little Different?

CalligrapherFung Siu-wah, better known as “Wah Gor,” is the artist behind much of the calligraphy seen in countless movie posters across town. First discovered by actor Sammo Hung, he’s since worked on posters for Stephen Chow and Wong Kar-wai. Need something written? He accepts walk-in requests, and charges on a case-by-case basis. If you don’t speak Cantonese, bring someone who does to translate your request.

12/f, Lung Ma Building, 550-552 Nathan rd., Mong Kok, 9075-0113.

Private Detective If you need someone followed, EBM Consulting is an experienced surveillance and investigation company that deals with personal fraud, drug-related issues and matrimonial cases. To be honest, we hope you don’t ever need these guys.

20/f, Shiu fung Building, 51-53 Johnston rd., Wan Chai, 3621-0980.

TRAVEL


We sent Sean Hebert to Thailand with a unique challenge: one day, five holidays.

Phuket: five Ways in a Day

Spoiler: I will get drunk and jump into this

To Hongkongers, Phuket may feel like a tired holiday destination. But whether it's your fifth or even your 15th visit,

there's always something new to do. And so my editor sent me on a press trip to Phuket with a single objective: to pack as many different vacations as possible into a single day. Did I triumph? Or did I just lie around on a beach for 24 hours?

Midnight-7amPhuket with the Wolf PackWe fly into Phuket late in the day, and as my colleagues bed down for an early start, I arrange for a private car to pick me up at midnight for my first Phuket vacation: a wild stag night in the town's main drinking drag. No buddies? No problem. I'm sure I'll find a group of dudes to glom onto once I get there. As I ready myself for my big night out, grand visions dance in my mind of escaping the close watch of my handlers to do some guerilla journalism. But this is Phuket, not Pyongyang. My handlers are friendly PR ladies and my mission is not espionage but rather to get spoiled at the Angsana Laguna phuket, a stunning, top-tier beachside resort on the island’s west coast that is hosting me for this trip. This evening's excursion, however, isn’t on any itinerary but my own.

“You want to drink with naked girls and stay out all night?” asks my driver, dutifully following the script scribed into the official “Hospitality for Morally Bankrupt White People” handbook. Looking back at the moonlit fountains and crisply uniformed staff at the Angsana, I ready myself for a trip via tornado straight out of Kansas.

As far as Asian party destinations go, Patong—Phuket’s largest beach resort—is legendary. The boozy stretches of Bangla road are a veritable playground, offering sinners and spectators alike everything from dollar beers and elaborate nightclubs to crass souvenirs and gynecological acrobatics. With beer girls pulling at

my sleeve every four steps, I end up with a street table in front of the eyesore that is Black Cat Bar (Bangla Road and Soi Gonzo).

With a pint in hand, my mission is to scan the streets for potential Wolf Packs, but it appears that most bros have brought their own partners-in-crime from home. There’s a disconcerting number of tourist families walking the strip. What are they thinking, bringing their 10-year-old kids here? Is this a thrown-into-the-deep-end way to teach the birds and the bees? How will they field the inevitable questions about the—ahem—birdybees?

My futile search for bros continues on Soi Sea Dragon, an offshoot of Bangla where the leggy and busty ladies outside the endless line of go-go bars promise entertainment that would make the editors at Hustler blush. As I stand among the sleaze, a giggling group of identically dressed bridesmaids asks me if I’ll help with their “checklist”—specifically the act of getting a ladyboy to lift her skirt. Well, that sets the tone for the rest of the evening. Most of what happened between my fourth tequila body shot and the part where I arm-wrestled a motorbike driver for a lift home has been redacted by my editor. And my brain.

9:58am-noonPhuket with the Adrenaline JunkieI wake up to the ring of a phone in a stupor to end all stupors. I can’t locate the phone on account of me lodging alone in a four-story, three-bedroom villa whose extravagance now mocks me as I stumble up and down flights of stairs. It’s nice of the PR lady to call me, really, especially since I have long missed our group’s breakfast and I'm just two minutes from missing my scheduled ATV Quad-Bike excursion.

Showerless and senseless, I run from my villa with half a shirt on and a minibar water bottle, turn the corner, and nearly get decapitated by the trunk of a live, baby elephant. “Holy hell!” I shout and continue sprinting, assuming I’m hallucinating. Then again, this is Thailand, and I’m in a gorgeous resort. I’m clearly not accustomed

to staying in places where saying “Fetch me an elephant” to staff and then getting an actual elephant delivered is just par for the course.

Sweating booze, I suddenly see the prospect of open fields and fresh air as a wise choice for the second leg of my epic day-cation. Angsana is an ideal home base for the young and the reckless, offering a wide array of adventure fare including snorkeling, ziplining, kayaking, game fishing, scuba diving, chopper rides, whitewater rafting and Muay Thai. Given that the last time I had been ATVing was on public roads (and involved a number of near-death experiences), I am relieved to find that the two-hour Atv tour (THB2,900 ($615) per person, or THB1,600 ($380) for one hour from Laguna Tours, (+66) 7636-2300, www.lagunaphuket.com) is offered “safari style,” meaning that my guide and I will be off-roading through shallow riverbeds, thick wooded areas and sunny plains. My riding partner notices my bloodshot eyes immediately, and places a reassuring hand on my shoulder as I saddle up: “If you’ve got to puke, take the helmet off first.” What a professional. And as I learn 12 exhilarating minutes later, what timely advice.

Noon-4pmPhuket with the History BuffWhen I arrive back at the front desk for the afternoon trip into old phuket town (half-day private van tours start at THB4,000 ($954) from Laguna Tours), I am a total wreck. If this is the Hangover Olympics, I’m Usain Bolt.

It is in this excellent state of good health that I begin a 30-minute drive to check out some Sino-Portuguese architecture. Just as I'm beginning to wish that I'd stayed back at the hotel, our van turns onto thalang road, and spreading out on both sides of the boulevard are quaint cafés, ancient shops, petite printing houses, and a slow bustle that hints that this century-old relic of the tin mining boom is one of the most casually stunning neighborhoods in Thailand.

As I drag my feet around the streets of town I stumble across countless gems: the rustic old Memory at on on Hotel (19 Phang-Nga Rd., Talad Yai, (+66)


7636-3777), where guesthouse scenes in “The Beach” were filmed; the cute, rainbow-colored rows of hip guesthouses, art galleries and bars along Soi romanee (between Thalang and Dibuk Roads); and even a creepy abandoned mansion (down an alleyway on the west side of Yaowarat Road, just north of the Suriyadate Fountain) where I sit on the stoop and enjoy a fruity, fried hangover cure from the fresh fruit Market (southwest corner of Ranong and Bangkok Roads). I am far from 100 percent, but Old Phuket's charm is growing on me.

4-9pm Phuket with that Special SomeoneWith the light waning and my battered body now on cruise control, I drool through a less-than-romantic nap in the van back to Angsana to recharge my batteries for the evening’s events. The next couple-centric activity I have planned is a 30-minute sunset Elephant ride (THB750 ($179) per person from Laguna Tours), which I luckily share with a lovely model from another Hong Kong publication. Screw you, Wolf Pack that never materialized—I can still redeem the day! I climb atop the majestic beast, flash the model a dazzling smile, and give the elephant a firm kick with a cinematic “huzzah!” to boot. The elephant turns his head and burns me with the biggest “fuck you” glare I’ve ever seen. I’m not exactly Tony Jaa, it seems.

With the help of a Thai handler and a worryingly sharp stick, which I'm told to prod into the poor creature’s ear when I want to turn, my lady and I trace a slow, picturesque lagoon without exchanging a word. I spend my quiet contemplation hoping for better results from my 7pm “Him and Her” massage appointment at the Angsana Spa (open daily, offering more than 50 treatments with prices ranging from THB700-5,700 ($166-1,357) per person), which I can now enjoy in total impotent loneliness.

I can’t honestly say that I’m a seasoned massage guy, so I’m surprised when I arrive at the softly lit reception room and am greeted with a crisp robe and a refreshing fruit smoothie. I break it to the staff that

I failed to land my model, and I now need a one-man treatment instead of the romantic couple’s package. I ultimately settle on a 60-minute Javanese deep tissue massage. I lie face-down as instructed on the massage table and… then I wake up an hour later in a daze.

9pm-Midnight Phuket with the ScenesterAlright, so I passed out cold through the entire massage, but my back feels fantastic and I’m ready to close out my ambitious day in epic fashion. On the itinerary for the evening is dinner followed by a night at the on-resort xana Beach Club, where we “media VIPs” get free Grey Goose bottle service during a massive oceanside pool party DJed by the legendary Paul Oakenfold.

The other journalists and resort staff arrive decked out in button-ups and tight black dresses, which makes me feel a bit out of place with my glow-in-the-dark “Jaws” shirt. But bygones—for the first time ever, I actually have bottle service! Finally, I can be that guy in the club who can buy friendship by handing out free drinks! Suck it, Wyndham Street—Phuket is mine!

My enthusiasm is perhaps overblown, as a half-dozen highballs later I’m lamenting that what was advertized as a “pool party” has absolutely no one lounging around the sizeable swim-up bar. Someone turns and sarcastically asks, “Well, doesn’t this classy party seem like the perfect time for a swim?” Without hesitation (or a single thought for my wallet and phone), I leap into the pool and begin splashing around. It’s incredible, and for a brief moment I am the veritable life of the party, getting a shout-out from Oakenfold himself before I am dragged from the pool by three bouncers, shouting “But I’m a VIP! I’m a VIP!”

I’d later be told that Hong Kong’s very own Next Magazine published a shot of me being hauled out of the pool—but in truth, I never saw it. Nor does it really matter. My goal was to prove that Phuket is an island that has something to offer any traveler, and as my wet hair hit the pillow and the clock in my suite flicked over to midnight, I passed out knowing that yes—I’d nailed it.

Getting Thereflights: Cathay Pacific flies daily to Phuket, from $3,000. It’s also worth checking rates with Hong Kong Express Airways, which can offer round-trips for less than $2,000.

Accommodation: Rooms at the Angsana Laguna phuket start from THB6,600 ($1,575) per night.

10 Moo 4 Srisoonthorn rd., phuket, thailand, (+66) 7632-4101, www.angsana.com/en/phuket.

Yoga by the lakeohgod I'm going to hurl

ride, ride, vomit

Wolf pack, member No. 1passed out?

At least the view is nice

HK PicksNext time you’re in Phuket, don’t miss the Phra Puttamingmongkol Akenakkiri Buddha, known more colloquially as simply the Big Buddha (Soi Yodsane in Chalong). At 45 meters high and 25 meters across at the base, Phuket’s iconic statue is larger than Lantau’s own Big Buddha. Inside, you can interact with orange-robed monks as they go about their daily rituals. But the real draw to this site for non-Buddhists are the breathtaking views over both sides of the vast island: the picturesque Chalong Bay on one side, and the Andaman Sea on the other. It’s a perfect spot for a morning stroll or holding hands at sunset, and rivals Phuket’s other quintessential sunset spot: Laem phromthep.

Go home, Dumbo, you're drunk

It’s free!

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GEt MorE oUt of HK | SHOPPING + TRAVEL + DINING + HEALTH & BEAUTY | Edited by Katie Kenny

Judge ShredIt’s quite some view that snowboarder, skater and surfer

Matthew Komorous captured with his GoPro on a recent trip to

Aspen. If you’re planning a snowy romp this spring, now’s the time

to stock up on gear, since everything from last season is on sale.

And why not document the experience? We’d much rather see your

awesome snowboarding pictures than all of those food photos you

keep posting to Facebook. Stop it.

Gopro Hero3+ Black Edition: from $3,880, available online

and from Universal Audio & visual Centre, Shop 135,

1/f, pacific place, 88 Queensway, Admiralty, 2801-6422.

www.gopro.com.

Matthew’s photo “12,500ft” was featured

on Gopro.com as their “Photo of the Day.”

He used a GoPro Hero3+ Black Edition with

a handlebar mount, attached to a ski pole.

See more of Matthew’s work on Instagram

@matthewkomorous and check out his

website: www.matthewkomorous.com.

SHOPPING


LooKBooKwith Katie Kenny

SHOPPINGLooKBooKwith Katie Kenny

Despite not being able to catch the Winter Olympics live on TV, I’ve

still caught the snow sports bug. Not that you’ll catch me on the slopes

anytime soon—I’m more of a sun-and-sand kind of lady. But since seeing

my own breath the other morning, I’ve decided to help those new to

the slopes with a round-up of places to go and things to buy. That’s right:

you can get a lot of your gear right here in Hong Kong, if you know

where to look.

Email me at [email protected], tweet me @Katie_Kenny or tag me on Instagram @katekatiekatharine.

Facemask, $370

Smartphone gloves, $140

Helmet, $1,380

Pads, $1,280 Thermal wear,

$440

from SBf Boardshop

Backpack, $980

Snowboard, $3,880

Gloves, $780

Boots, $2,280

from Island Wake

Island Wake1/F, 1-3 Cannon St., Causeway Bay, 2895-0022.

SBf Boardshop2/F, 184 Sai Yeung Choi St. South, Mong Kok, 9130-8839.

patagoniaShop 2, G/F, 46 Lyndhurst Terrace, Central, 2155-9567.

roxyShop 104-106 & 109, 1/F, Causeway Bay Plaza 1, 13-19 Leighton Rd., Causeway Bay, 2895-5386.

QuiksilverShop C-D, G/F, Yee Hing Building, 13-19 Leighton Rd., Causeway Bay, 2895-5608.Jacket, $1,998

Goggles, $698

Jacket, $3,998

Pants, $1,398

from Quiksilver

from roxy

Men’s jacket, $3,590

Women’s pants, $2,290

from patagonia

rEADEr’S

pICK!

other Snowboarding Stores:

fNS Ski Sport Equipment Specialty Shop7/F, Loon Kee Building, 275 Des Voeux Rd. Central, Sheung Wan, 2866-7847.

GearzhopShop K, 1/F, Po Fu Building, 1 Foo Ming St., Causeway Bay, 2376-0198.

EXCLUSIVE

ESCAPE RouTES with Kate Springer

TRAVEL


Say Yas to Abu DhabiBeyond the buzzing city, Abu Dhabi is home to dozens of beautiful islands as well as the region’s largest wildlife reserve: the 4,100-hectare Arabian Wildlife Park. That’s where the newly opened Anantara Sir Bani Yas Island Al Sahel villa resort comes in. If you can get the name out all in one go, you’re one step ahead of the rest of us. The rustic desert retreat is home to 30 villas, which mesh all of Anantara’s classy amenities with a hint of authentic Arabia, thanks to thatched roofs and natural wooden interiors. It’s ideal for outdoorsy folks who love a good adrenaline rush as much as a laze around the pool. From the hotel’s doorstep, you can drive off on a mountain bike, go four-wheeling, hop in a kayak, snorkel, try your hand at archery or visit the wildlife reserve—or, you know, just admire grazing gazelles from your veranda.

rooms from $2,872. Sir Bani Yas Island, Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, (+971) 2801-4300, www.al-sahel.anantara.com.

A Winter MiracleThe Chinese New Year holiday is hardly behind us, but it’s never too early to plan your next trip. Kempinski hotels has a deal that’s sure to make your winter a little less gloomy: up to 30 percent off at all 73 of its hotels, which span 30 countries. From the Siam Kempinski in Bangkok to the Grand Kempinski in Shanghai, your next vacation doesn’t have to break the bank. Founded in 1897, Kempinski also has a spot at the Olare Mara Tented Camp in Kenya (with a resident leopard!), as well as Hamburg, Seychelles and St. Moritz. The deal is good till March 15, so get to it.

www.kempinski.com.

The Backyard Less TraveledFor those who like a little more structure to their holidays, Backyard travel offers customized vacations for everything from luxury honeymoons to cycling tours. With offices in Hong Kong and Bangkok, the company oversees trips all over Asia, where local experts will guide you towards the most authentic meals and experiences—all while taking care of accommodation and transport. For example, a 10-day “Ski & The City” itinerary to Japan ($20,311) could include a few days exploring Tokyo, followed by a trip on the bullet train to Nozawa Onsen Village, where a seven-day skiing pass awaits. You’ll be able to sample any of the area’s 36 ski slopes or opt for a few day trips around the region—it’s up to you. The team’s resident travel gurus will help build a personalized plan that checks all your boxes.

tours from US$154 ($1,194), including accommodation, transport and some meals. (+800) 2225-9273, www.backyardtravel.com.

#HKTravelsHere are this week’s top Twitter and Facebook travel tips from our readers!

@iladelphia11 Dubrovnik. Bar Buza. "Cold Drinks with the Most Beautiful View" #hktravels

@jarettgoldman Eat, Pray & Love in Bali! So many gems I can't begin to list! For starters, try a real seafood dinner at Jimbaran. #hktravels

@blurryedgez Google "Fieldskills" for fun activities in Sabah. @Seaventures for awesome diving. #hktravels

Have a travel recommendation you’re itching to share? Email me at [email protected] or tweet me @KateSpringer, #hktravels.

Anantara's new home on the range

A backyard I'd like to travel Kimono in, the water's lovely

Stay classy, Siam Kempinski

Programme opening performance funded by

(Mar 21)

Mar 21 7:00 pm

Mar 23 3:00 pmGrand Theatre, HK Cultural Centre$ 480 – 1680 Student 240– 740Performed in German with English and Chinese surtitles

LimitedTickets

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Book Nowwww.urbtix.hk | 2111 5999

Conductor Jari HämäläinenDirector Roman Hovenbitzerwith the Savonlinna Opera Festival Choir, international soloists andthe Hong Kong Philharmonic

Exclusive Asian Premiere

Flights for members of Savonlinna Opera Festival are supported by Finnair,Official Airline of the 42nd HKAF

DINING


A Taste of HomeFrom traditional tofu and preserved meats to yogurt, ice cream and even wine, there’s a lot of great food being made right here in Hong Kong. Yannie Chan takes a tasty tour of these food factories—traditional and modern alike.

Milkin’ ItFounded by a vegan couple with a passion for ice cream, Happy Cow supplies fresh, dairy-free, all-natural frozen treats. There are 17 flavors ranging from banana caramel swirl and mint chocolate chip to lime and coconut. The secret to the animal-friendly recipe? Coconut cream, which even boosts your levels of “good” cholesterol. Needless to say, Happy Cow’s ice creams are free of soy, gluten and artificial anything. Buy it by the scoop or in pints from one of the stockists all over Hong Kong Island and Kowloon—or online. fourteen locations, including Something fresh, 35-37 Graham St., Central, www.happycowhk.com.

oodles of Noodles Craving a bowl of fishball noodles or some Cantonese lo mein? The first thing you’ll need is soft, chewy and flavorful egg noodles from Kan Kee noodles. The shop hand makes a dizzying range of carb-loaded products at the back of the shop: fresh shrimp roe noodles, noodles made with fish paste, macaroni, rice noodle rolls and more. While most noodles are delivered to restaurants and cha chaan tengs, the shop—which is more than 30 years old—welcomes individual customers. 15 peel St., Central.

Top GrapesWell-equipped local urban winery the 8th Estate Winery makes its wine right here in the city, as the founders believe that wine doesn’t travel well. After sourcing the finest grapes from across the globe, the winery produces quality tipples and leaves them to age in their French and American oak barrels. The winery is temporarily halting daily tours and private tastings until they move to a new location in about three months—but worry not, you can still buy wines both at the winery and online.3/f, Harbour Industrial Centre, 10 Lee Hing St., Ap Lei Chau,

2518-0922, www.the8estatewinery.com.

Sausage festEstablished in the 50s, Kam Cheung Hoo is a reputable supplier of Chinese preserved sausages. The availability of cheap preserved sausages made in the mainland, combined with the economic crisis, made business very difficult a few years ago, and second-generation owner Mr Yu had to work part-time as a minibus driver to make ends meet. Things are better now, with well-known restaurants and shops buying from Kam Cheung Hoo, but it’s still a struggling industry. Made with top-quality pork, their preserved sausages are perfectly flavored and free of preservatives. The shop has also introduced preserved sausages with different amounts of fatty pork, if you’re after a leaner flavor. Call ahead before you visit, as they’re mainly a wholesaler and are not always fully stocked.3B, Kam teem Industrial Building, 135 Connaught rd. West, Sai Ying pun, 2817-1812, www.kamcheunghoo.com.hk.

When Things Turn SourUnable to find any freshly made yogurt they were happy with, two yogurtheads decided to take matters into their own hands. All of Sour times’ products are handmade, carefully culturing the necessary bacteria. Sour Times also shuns any stabilizers, thickeners or preservatives, creating a creamy, wholesome result. The innovative duo behind Sour Times has also come up with a host of amazing flavors—we particularly like the crunchy biscuit, and the hibiscus with vanilla. Available at Spice Box organics. Shop K, G/f, fook Moon Building, 72 third St., Sai Ying pun. www.sourtimes.hk.

Bean There, Done That Established in 1893, Kung Wo Dou Bun Chong is best known for its smooth and affordable tofu fa bean curd pudding, served

hot or cold with all-you-can-add yellow sugar. It’s also a one-stop shop for nearly every soy bean product under the sun: soy milk, tofu, bean curd, bean curd puffs, fermented bean curd and more. The traditional shop hand-makes its products from scratch in the kitchen, using an ancient and gigantic stone grinder. The shop is also an architectural gem: their vintage fans, furniture and bricks have remained largely unchanged since it first opened its doors 120 years ago. G/f, 118 pei Ho St., Sham Shui po, 2386-6871.

The Joys of Soy o’Beans’ soy milk is healthy, made with organic soy beans and without preservatives or artificial flavorings. But there’s an even more compelling reason to support the brand: it’s produced by the New Life Psychiatric Rehabilitation Association and made by people who are recovering from mental illness. At the back of each bottle, there is the story of one of the people working on the production line. The unusual rectangular bottles are the result of a collaboration with locally made toiletries brand So…Soap, and they’re specially designed to double up as soap containers after you’ve finished with them. Available at threeSixty, Shop 1090, 1/f, Elements, 1 Austin rd. West, West Kowloon; and Ikea, Upper Basement, parklane Hotel, 310 Gloucester rd., Causeway Bay, 2327-4931.

o’Beans’ soy milk comes in pretty bottles

Handmade yogurt from Sour times

Kan Kee Noodles. With cat photobomb. tofu fun at Kung Wo Dou Bun Chong

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Dairy-free ice cream at Milky Cow

Kan Kee Noodles also sells zong, or rice wrapped in lotus leaves

NEW AND NoTEDwith Adele Wong

DINING


Book a sous-vide class at Butchers Club

price Guide$ Less than $200$$ $200-$399$$$ $400-$599$$$$ $600-$799$$$$$ $800 and up

Price per person, including one drink, appetizer, main course and dessert. Prices do not include bottles of wine unless stated.

ratings★ Never. Again.★★ Completely forgettable★★★ Pretty good★★★★ Excellent★★★★★ Unbelievable

our policyReviews are based on actual visits to the establishments listed, without the knowledge of the restaurants. Reviews are included at the discretion of the editors and are not paid for by the individual restaurants. Opinions expressed here are those of HK Magazine and our super-sneaky team of hungry reviewers. Menus, opening hours and prices change and should be checked. New restaurants are not reviewed within one month of their opening. Reviews are written from a typical diner’s perspective. A dining experience includes more than just food; ratings are also based on service, atmosphere and fun. Ratings are awarded in accordance with the type of restaurant reviewed, so the city’s best wonton noodle stall could earn a “Unbelievable” rating while a fancy French restaurant could be “Completely forgettable.”

RESTAuRANT REVIEWSLa Vache ★★★★★Steak frites. 48 peel St., Central, 2880-0248.

Steak. Frites. Repeat.

Let’s get one thing clear: we loathe single-item restaurants. They’re lazy, they’re irritating, and they should be consigned to New York City. Unless, of course, they happen to serve steak frites and only steak frites. In which case: bienvenu, mon ami. On the menu at La Vache: a crunchy green salad with walnuts and a light, tart dressing, an appetizer which really does prepare the appetite. One large rib-eye steak, or “entrecôte” cut. All the fries you can eat. $258. We asked for steaks that were medium and medium-rare, respectively. The staff blissfully ignored us and brought them all out perfectly cooked instead, set on a tray over a candle flame. And warm dinner plates? Big bonus. The house sauce was a rich, meaty Béarnaise, perfect for dipping. Piping hot fries—crispy slivers of gold, and not a soggy strand in sight—were periodically revealed from the kitchen on silver trays, and piled high on our plates. It’s not haute cuisine; it’s steak. It’s fries. It’s delicious. The house red is quaffable and very bad value by the glass, but good value by the bottle. Maybe try the Henri Bardouin pastis—it’s so much more subtle than your standard Pernod, and much easier to sip with a meal. If you can, save room for the desserts: think tartes tatin or croquembouches, although they don’t come included for $258. So yes, single-item restaurants may be unconscionable: but good, affordable steak like this can soothe even the most troubled conscience. Open daily 6pm-late. $$

NamKeeH ★★★★★Noodles. 1/f, Kai tak Commercial Building, 66-72 Stanley St., Central, 2536-0221.

A clean and healthy cha chaan teng—say what?

For picky eaters and neat freaks who nevertheless want a part of Hong Kong’s rich cha chaan teng culture, NamKeeH—a spin-off of the original Nam Kee fishball noodle chain—is right up your alley. With its clean and vibrant upstairs digs full of single-seaters—each thoughtfully equipped with an iPad—and the standard claustrophobically spaced tables, NKH isn’t a space for lingering. In fact, the long queues that form daily around lunch hour are enough to make you feel guilty for sitting a minute too long. You’re only eating noodles here, choosing from a soup base, noodle type (from rice vermicelli to soba), and toppings. The lunch sets also come with free drink and a choice of starter, and takeaway saves you 10 bucks per order. We’ve been here several times and can say service is consistently efficient, and all the broths (laksa/pho/porcini/tomato/signature spicy-sour) are solid choices, although they tend to be less savory than those found at other noodle shops. And so the homemade chili oil and chili sauce on the tables actually come in handy if you feel like spicing things up. The thin, cloudy spicy sour-broth is actually more sweet than sour, with a delectable kick that makes every slurp a happy experience. We had it with al dente vermicelli strands, topped with delightful marinated enoki mushrooms and multi-textured fish cakes packed with crunchy onion. We also loved the sweet shredded porcini, dumplings wrapped in their thick skins. Our starters of curry fishballs (doughy and dense) came drenched in aromatic, turmeric-heavy sauce—yum. The only downside to eating here is the crazy, endless traffic you’ll have to endure during peak hours. Open daily 8am-9pm. $

Ciak ★★★★★Italian. Shop 327, 3/f, the Landmark, 15 Queen’s rd. Central, 2522-8869.

The best pasta in town, but you’re paying for the privilege.

The black hole that was left when Three-Sixty vacated its Landmark digs has now been filled. There’s Urban Bakery Works (try the duck confit sandwich), a Pret (yawn) and Ciak, the new casual dining venture by Italian chef Umberto Bombana of three-Michelin-starred 8 ½ Ozzo e Mezzo. Don’t get the wrong idea though: “casual” doesn’t necessarily mean “cheap” and even if you stick to the basics, a meal for two will still cost around $700. Still, it’s a much cheaper way to get a taste of Bombana’s cooking than his sister restaurant. The enormous space feels like a five-star hotel’s buffet restaurant, with friendly furnishings, open kitchen stations and glass display cabinets with sweet treats, breads and ingredients for sale. Usually we never bother with pasta, but with Ciak’s dedicated pasta bar, we figured it’d be worth giving their starches a whirl. The other diners clearly had the same idea, and each table was laden with sauce-drenched shapes. And yes, they really are excellent. We could taste the freshness of the pasta in our lasagnette, and the rich, meaty sauce was a beautiful balance of fragrant sausage meat, rich tomato and tiny, tasty mushrooms, elevating a humble pasta dish into something delicious and evocative. If only there was more of it—anyone with a big appetite may find themselves reaching for the bread basket. The margarita pizza was pretty good, but for us, it was all about the pasta. Diners on a pilgrimage for half-decent Italian carbs without having to doll themselves up for Sabatini or Grissini will find their Mecca here. Open Mon-Fri 11:30am-10:30pm; Sat-Sun 11am-5:30pm. $$$

Reach for the StarsCaprice (6/F, Four Seasons Hotel, 8 Finance St., Central, 3196-8888) will be working extra hard this year to make up for its lost Michelin star, due to chef Vincent Thierry’s departure. Filling in Thierry’s legendary shoes is chef Fabrice Vulin, with quite the resume himself—the Frenchman has been head chef at various star-spangled establishments across the globe, including La Chevre d’Or in southeastern France. Vulin was appointed last September, but he’s only now debuting his own à la carte menu. Enter dishes with a Mediterranean flair, plenty of fresh seafood (especially fish: from seabass to turbot to John Dory), and a touch of the exotic (medjool dates and Moroccan spices make an appearance, thanks to Vulin’s entrepreneurial days in Marrakesh). To put a smile on customers suffering from the winter blues, Vulin has also incorporated black truffles into some of his dishes.

Breaking NewsGaia group has a new restaurant at IFC: Glasshouse (Shop 4009, IFC Mall, 8 Finance St., Central, 2383-4008), a casual fine-dine—yes, in 2014 this is no longer an oxymoron—that serves lighthearted dishes in a rustic, country-house type of environment. The dishes are generally western but with a dash of Asian influence, so you’ll be seeing oysters paired with ponzu, or foie gras served with tamarind. Being a big fan of Isola (also part of the Gaia group, also at the IFC), I’ve got high expectations for Glasshouse.

Bath to the futurethe Butchers Club (13C Sun Ying Industrial Centre, 9 Tin Wan Close, Tin Wan, Aberdeen, 2552-8281) has launched a series of sous-vide cooking classes for those who want to

learn a fancy way of prepping dishes. Offered the last Monday night of each month, $1,500 per head buys a four-hour hands-on session where you learn how to marinade meat and seafood, vacuum-pack the goods, and “cook” everything in water baths of different temperatures. You’ll get to bring your creations home at the end of the night, and you’ll also be provided with a meal of sous-vide short ribs, as well as free-flow drinks during the session. Bookings of 10 or more at a time will get each student a $200 discount—so that’s $1,300 per head. If you’re looking for more sous-vide action after the class, you can pick up your own PolyScience sous-vide home kit at a discounted price of $10,500.

Lobstars Indulge in more than steaks this season at Grand Hyatt Steakhouse (Mezzanine, Grand Hyatt Hong Kong, 1 Harbour Rd., Wan Chai, 2584-7722), thanks to chef Patrick Shimada’s limited-time New England lobster menu, with seafood straight from the East Coast. Bring some friends along for a two-pound broiled Boston lobster ($1,080) served with lemon, butter, garlic and herbs (just typing that made my stomach growl). But of course you’re presumably here for the steak in the first place, in which case the Surf and Turf special ($1,280)—a serving of striploin or tenderloin and a 1.5-pound lobster—is the logical choice. This special menu is available throughout the month of March.

Email me at [email protected] or follow me on twitter: @adelewong_hk.

fabrice vulin debuts new dishes at Caprice

Lobster at Grand Hyatt Steakhouse

foreigners, Glow HomeThe restaurant and art hub Duddell’s has invited Hong Kong-based curator Inti

Guerrero to assemble work specifically about “outsiders” in Hong Kong, in an

exhibition called “Foreign Presence.” As Claire Fontaine’s neon text

piece, above, simultaneously puts it: “There are foreigners everywhere,”

and “Everywhere, everyone is a foreigner.” The exhibit also features vintage

archival photography of Victoria Harbour, work by local artist Leung Chi-wo

and 60s Harper’s bazaar fashion editorials shot in Hong Kong.

through Apr 30, Duddell’s, 3-4/f, Shanghai tang Mansion,

Duddell St., Central, 2525-9191.


CuLTuRE + NIGHTLIFE + FILM


ArtS

ClassicalErnest So: the far Side of the roadErnest So is an internationally acclaimed concert pianist who’s been described by some as “unusual,” thanks to his wide-ranging musical interests. At this recital, the Hong Kong-born and Juilliard-educated So will play some of those interests: from JS Bach to Spaniard Joaquin Turina and Argentinian tango great Astor Piazzolla. A collector of rare original, and largely unheard scores himself, he will also play pieces by Sergei Bortkiewicz, whose original scores are kept safe in Hong Kong by a local private collector. On Feb 22, So will also play in a more intimate setting at the Red Square Gallery (Shop 208, 2/F, Stanley Plaza, Stanley). Feb 23, 8pm. Recital Hall, Academy for Performing Arts, 1 Gloucester Rd., Wan Chai. $280 from www.hkticketing.com.

London Symphony orchestra”If you’ve seen one orchestra, you’ve seen them all,” said no one, ever. We’re blessed here in Hong Kong to have our world-class

Philharmonic and Sinfonietta, but their loyal fans will certainly jump at the opportunity to see the famed LSO—led by principal guest conductor Daniel Harding—tackle Gustav Mahler’s First Symphony, which the composer described himself as “a journey from inferno to paradise.” Also joining the orchestra in Hong Kong is the 26-year-old star pianist Yuja Wang, who promises an electrifying performance of Rachmaninov’s notoriously challenging Piano Concerto No. 3. The pre-sale tickets for this one-night-only affair sold out fast, so snatch up your tickets early. Mar 8, 8pm. Concert Hall, Cultural Centre, 10 Salisbury Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui. $190-1,080 from www.urbtix.hk.

Concerts

Gregory porterHe’s been lauded as the next King of Jazz, the next Nat King Cole, and compared to greats such as Joe Williams and Marvin Gaye. And he’s just won a Grammy for Best Jazz Vocal Album. He’s not all about lovey dovey songs either—Porter was a member of the original Broadway Cast of “It Ain’t Nothin’ But The Blues,” he’s got bags of soul, and he’s never seen performing without his signature flat cap. Don’t miss his powerful baritone at the HK Arts Festival. Feb 28-Mar 1, 8pm. Concert Hall, Cultural Centre, 10 Salisbury Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui. $50-400 from www.urbtix.hk.

Il Divo: A Musical AffairSimon Cowell’s handsome classical crossover quartet has sold more than 26 million albums worldwide. They’re no strangers to Hong Kong audiences, and they’re back in town for one night only, this time with Broadway hits from “The Phantom of the Opera,” “Les Miserables,” “West Side Story” and more, as well as a selection of classic love songs. Take your mom. she will LOVE IT. Mar 23, 8pm. Hall 5BC, HKCEC, 1 Expo Drive, Wan Chai. $490-1,590 from www.hkticketing.com.

TheaterAbigail’s partyMike Leigh’s 1977 satirical sitcom is brought to us by local theater company the Hong Kong Players. It’s about the emerging new middle class in Britain, who vie for something with a little bit more “taste”—which mostly ends up being kaftans, cheese and pineapple skewers, and José Feliciano. To escape her punk daughter Abigail’s first house party, Susan, alongside married couple Ange and Tone, are guests at Beverly and Laurence’s suburban semi for a little gathering. It’s cozy, but when the booze kicks in it all gets a little too cozy for comfort. Snark, prejudice and petty competition all come into play. Sounds like every house party ever, really. Feb 26-Mar 1, 8pm; Mar 1, 2:30pm. The McAulay Studio, Arts Centre, 2 Harbour Rd., Wan Chai. $220-280 from www.urbtix.hk.

ComedyComedyHK presents open Mic NightLan Kwai Fong just got a whole lot funnier, but this time it’s not in that “look at how drunk that guy is” way we’re accustomed to. ComedyHK’s weekly English stand-up open mic takes place in the Brew House basement, giving local comics and fresh faces with nerves of steel a chance to jump on stage and try out new material for a willing (and slightly sauced) audience. Need some extra push to try out your best Dave Chappelle impression? Three minutes in the spotlight earns a performer a free drink, and as always, the LMAO Award (a Chairman Mao statue, appropriately) is given out at the end of the night to the best act. Come out and catch the next stars of Hong Kong’s comedy scene! Feb 26, 8pm. Hong Kong Brew House, B-G/F, 21 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2522-5559. Free.

Ladies’ Night out for KELYJoin KELY Support Group for a ladies’ night out at Champs. You’ll have booze and be well entertained by five of Hong Kong’s best comedians, including Vivek Mahbubani, HK Mag alum Sean Hebert, Ryan Hynek, Pete Grella and Gary Jackson. After a few laughs, there’ll be a bachelor auction, raffle draw and a grand finale complete with a “Parade of Men.” Ooh-er. All proceeds will be donated to the KELY Support Group, which provides support and counseling for teens and young adults. Seating is limited, so grab tickets quick! Mar 12, 6:30pm. Champs, 209-219 Wan Chai Rd., Wan Chai, 2892-3386. $500; email [email protected].

uPCLoSE Aisha Khalid and Imran Qureshi

Aisha Khalid and Imran Qureshi are two of Pakistan’s leading contemporary artists. Trained in the art of the traditional miniature paintings used in Islamic manuscripts, the married couple has used those skills to illuminate socio-political issues instead. They tell Evelyn Lok about the similarities and differences in their work, and how differently the east and the west see their art.

HK Magazine: tell me about these miniature paintings. Why did you study them?Aisha Khalid: We both graduated from the National College of Arts in Lahore, which had a department of miniature painting that was established in the 80s. Imran Qureshi: The purpose was to revive the traditional art form, and make it contemporary. Miniature painting was always taken as a traditional craft, not an art form. The NCA was the first institution in the region, and the world, giving a degree for it.

HK: So how do you use this traditional art in a new, innovative way?IQ: I was very interested in socio-political commentary, but using the traditional technique. The way of looking at things was like historical miniature painting, but the ideas were new.AK: For me, I take it as a medium which belongs to that area [Pakistan]. It could be any medium, but I use it for my own vocabulary and symbolism. We both went through very traditional processes of learning, but when I work I don’t even try to think of keeping that tradition alive: I just use it to talk about my own concerns.

HK: What do you find you have in common about the way you both approach art?IQ: I think there are common things but there are differences as well. We both like to work with foliage. But it’s not limited to our art practices. Usually people take us as miniature artists but that was just what we were trained [in]: now whatever we are doing is just our work.AK: The aesthetics that link to miniature painting are the same. But we are two different personalities. Imran’s temperament is very different, in how he physically works with the medium. The way I work is very [iterative]. I’m female, so a lot of things come from my own traditional background: how I grew up as a woman in that society, my interest in embroidery, sewing, textiles, and printing.

HK: Aisha, your work has been called “feminist art.” Do you agree with that?AK: At the Moscow Biennale my work was about the Industrial Revolution. They put it up as Pakistani feminist art, when it was actually on a broader topic. The subject of my work is not about women, but the vocabulary I’m using is very much with textiles and embroidery. There’s the element of

[female] aesthetics, but it’s not like I’m addressing female issues. It’s more about political and social issues, spiritual issues, and about meditation, in the last few years.

HK: You’ve exhibited all over the world— is your art received differently in the west?IQ: In my “Modern Enlightenment” series, where I made portraits of religious people, immediately people thought that I was painting about the extremism in Pakistan, because I’m from Pakistan. But it’s about the extremisms in both cultures, east and west. It also challenges the strict views of the west about our region. It’s all about the stereotyped images, which came after 9/11—we segregate them, we avoid them. We put all these people in the same frame of “terrorism.”AK: I spent two years in Amsterdam, and that was the first time I visited any western country. When I was in Pakistan, the West was a very stereotypical image—a very perfect society. But when I arrived, I changed my mind. After 9/11, people had stereotypes about Pakistan: “You live in caves and you wear those things and you’re not allowed to go outside.” And what we thought about the west was also very different. There’s a lot of exploitation—especially of the body. In my case, whenever I have had pressure, it was from the west. When I showed a video commenting on the west in Amsterdam, they said: “Why are you talking about us?” They wanted us to talk about the bad things about ourselves. We never felt any pressure in Pakistan when showing political work.

HK: What do you want the viewer to experience in this exhibition?IQ: In this exhibition, it’s about the opposites and contrasts. It’s about uncertainty. With violence—

you don’t know whether it will end or whether it’s growing: nobody knows. My work is mainly about violence and beauty—and it’s a very global subject now. Whether directly or indirectly, everyone can read it as a very personal thing.AK: The works I’m showing are painted. The green, geometric camouflage pattern I use is kind of my trademark. The tulips—which are also from Amsterdam—are in parts, as if the tulips are being slaughtered. When I work in the studio I don’t think too much about where it’s going to be shown. I think everyone can relate to what I’ve experienced.

the duo is exhibiting at the pao Galleries through feb 28. pao Galleries, 5/f, Hong Kong Arts Centre, 1 Harbour rd., Wan Chai.

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theater & Artsurbtix (credit cards) 2111-5999urbtix (enquiries) 2734-9009HK Ticketing 3128-8288HK Arts Centre 2582-0200Fringe Club 2521-7251HK Cultural Centre 2734-2009

Need to KnowHK City Hall 2921-2840HK Academy for Performing Arts 2584-8500Kwai Tsing Theatre 2408-0128LCSD Music Programme Office 2268-7321LCSD Dance/Multi-Arts Office 2268-7323LCSD Theatre Office 2268-7323

Edited by Evelyn [email protected]


ArtSExhibitions

Chen fei: flesh and MeChen Fei’s work Is part cinema culture, part pop art, and all kinds of weird. His “super-flat” style has evolved to take in even more surrealism, black humor, violence and anatomized human parts— all surrounded by tranquil, beautiful foliage. Like many other Chinese artists of the Post-80s generation, his non-conformism strives to challenge the accepted notion of beauty. He might just open your eyes a little. Or maybe flay them open and label each part. Ick. Through Mar 15, 11am. Galerie Perrotin, 17/F, 50 Connaught Rd. Central, 3758-2180.

Jennifer Steinkamp: New WorkThe Los Angeles-based artist is a pioneer of 3D animation in arts—she’s been working with digital media for more than 20 years, and for her first exhibition in Hong Kong she’s brought a whole selection of her newest 3D works with her. They all explore digital simulations of the natural world. No 3D glasses required: her works are projections of natural foliage, immersing the viewer in the environment and challenging their regular notions of form and space. In other words: trippy updated flower power, man. Through Mar 22, 6pm. Lehmann Maupin, Room 407, 4/F, Pedder Building, 12 Pedder St., Central, 2530-0025.

Marcos Marin: op’Art ExperienceHe’s the official artist for His Serene Highness Prince Albert II of Monaco, and he also worked with Stanley Ho at the 50th anniversary of the Casino Estoril in Portugal. Brazilian artist Marcos Marin first got into the world of arts through piano: he brings his artistic sensibilities from music into his optical artworks which rely on a trompe d’oeil—trick of the eye—effect, using organic lines and sheer geometric shapes to create seemingly 3D portayals of iconic people and places. You’ll find his pieces this month at recently opened Sheung Wan gallery Avenue Des Arts. Here’s a tip we learned from the gallery: use your phone’s camera to resolve the image. It’s pretty cool. Through Mar 18, 6pm. Avenue Des Arts, Unit 6, 12/F, Hollywood Center, 233 Hollywood Rd., Sheung Wan, 2744-6699.

Shi Lifeng: red Classics Solo Exhibition”Little red men? Gummy fairies? What are they? Where are they going?” These are the questions that Shi Lifeng wants you to think about while looking at his art. No—seriously. The Chinese artist’s renowned “Red Man” series isn’t Mao picture after Mao picture; he instead depicts little red people with wings, floating serenely against muted political (or just pretty-looking) backgrounds. His work, “Red Star” was also used in an album cover by Guns ‘N’ Roses. Art Futures Group—the team of art investment consultants behind the exhibition—certainly say it’s a good buy. And, well… it’s sure better than yet another painting of a Red Guard girl. Through Mar 3, 11pm. ArtOne, M/F, Convention Plaza, 1 Harbour Rd., Wan Chai, 2131-6120.

Advertorial

Operator of Central Police Station site assured of Jockey Club’s staunch support

Sowing the Seeds of Sustainable

Heritage Conservation

“Recognising that the start up and recurrent costs of running the heritage and contemporary art programmes will be substantial, the Trust will provide an annual total funding commitment of up to HK$30 million, on a merit basis, to support the heritage and contemporary art programmes organised by the operator,” says Lee.

He adds that this annual fi nancial aid will remain unchanged at up to HK$30 million from the fourth year onwards, but the amount will not exceed half of the operator’s total annual costs for the heritage and contemporary arts programmes.

Detailed proposals for the project’s heritage and contemporary art element must be submitted by

April 30, 2014. A selection committee representing broad community interests will review the proposals and make a recommendation to the Trust. The operator is expected to be appointed this year.

HKJC Charities Trust provides $30M funding per year

For RFP information: www.centralpolicestation.org.hk/en/invitation/main.asp

Opportunities to participate in such a unique and prestigious project do not come often,” remarks Michael Lee,

Trustee of The Hong Kong Jockey Club Charities Trust, referring to an invitation extended to aspiring parties to present their vision and plan on how to turn the 170-year-old Central Police Station (“CPS”) compound into a cultural destination that integrates heritage, contemporary arts and leisure for all to enjoy.

The Trust has been working in partnership with the Government to conserve and breathe new life to the vacant CPS site, with revitalisation works set to be completed next year.

Lee says the information collected at an expression of interest (“EOI”) exercise earlier was useful for developing the request for proposals (“RFP”). The Trust welcomes proposals for operating the heritage and contemporary art element of CPS from all not-for-profi t heritage, art and culture organisations in Hong Kong, regardless of whether they responded to the EOI. They can be working on their own or in partnership with other local and overseas organisations.

Lee says the Trust is committed to leading what he describes as “one of the most important conservation projects undertaken by the Trust,” including revitalisation works and future management. All the income from the operation of the site will be ploughed back to support its long-term sustainability.

An artist’s impression of the restored Central Police Station compound

In-depth research by conservation architects found that the historic buildings had undergone numerous alterations over the years and their present-day appearance was way different from the early days. The modifi cations and refurbishment works at CPS will restore the historic buildings to the state when they were built, or to their earliest traceable major renovation.

Citing as an example the Police Headquarters Block—which has recently completed exterior repairs—conservation architect Brian Anderson, a member of the project team and Partner of British fi rm Purcell says the façade was restored from a dull grey to beige, its rooftop from black to natural terracotta, and the timber windows and doors from blue to brown. He says the restoration works will facilitate a narration of the changes that took place on the site and in turn assist interpretation of them for the benefi t of future generations.

Showing True Colours

True to its mission of achieving both conservation and revitalisation, 37 percent of the approximately 300,000 square feet of total construction fl oor area in the revitalised complex will be used for heritage and contemporary art, while 36 percent will go towards public circulation and electrical and mechanical plant space. In addition, open spaces measuring 40,000 square feet will be available for leisure and events.

Subject to operators’ proposals, this important historic site may in future offer heritage interpretation tours, exhibitions and learning activities. Also on the wish list are visual art programmes complemented by performing arts activities, with an artists-in-residence programme and platforms for collaborations.

Trustee Michael Lee says only 27 percent of the revitalised site will be reserved for commercial restaurants and shops, not only to attract visitors and expose them to contemporary arts but also to generate rental income to sustain the compound’s ongoing operation.

Rede� ning Adaptive Reuse of Heritage Buildings

The façade of a new-build designed by Herzog & de Meuron echoes

with the brick walls of the compound

The rooftop of the Police Headquarters Block is restored from black (left) to

natural terracotta (right)

Bright blue was applied to the windows in recent years

The timber windows are restored to dark brown, the original colour

HKJC advertorial 2014_02_13.indd 14 17/2/14 10:21 AM


NIGHtLIfEopen Bar Inn Side Out

Edited by Andrea [email protected]

Twitter: @andreas_lo

Clubs

redshapeRedshape wears this really freaky mask while he spins techno beats. Sounds like a horror-movie-Daft-Punk-mashup. Feb 21, 10pm. Volar, B/F, 38-44 D’Aguilar St., Central, 2810-1510. $150 from www.ticketflap.com; $200 at the door.

HK PICKS

Beertopia 2014Tickets are now on sale for Hong Kong’s very own craft beer festival. Beertopia first started out two years ago, and arguably kickstarted the city’s craft beer movement. This year, the event expands from two to three days at West Kowloon, and features more than 400 different types of brews. It’s going to be bigger, craftier and drunker than ever before. Mar 13-15, various times. West Kowloon Cultural District, West Kowloon. $280-930 from www.beertopiahk.com.

Smith Agent SmithDJ/producer Smith Agent Smith specializes in remixing song requests on the spot. This means you won’t find yourself in that familiar situation where the DJ ignores your 10th request for Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me.” The asshole. Feb 21, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. $200 for ladies and $300 for gents at the door.

DJ felli felDJ Felli Fel has produced for many a rapper—think Kanye West, Pitbull and Lil Jon. He’s also just dropped a brand new track, “Reason to Hate,” featuring Ne-Yo, Tyga and Wiz Khalifa. Not bad for someone who began by spinning in house parties as a teenager. Feb 27, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. Free.

Dirty vegasGrammy-winning house music trio Dirty Vegas will be at Boujis. It’s not all heavy basslines and electronic instruments, though—Dirty Vegas’ performances also feature vocalist Steve Smith. Feb 28, 10pm. Boujis, 37 Pottinger St., Central, 2324-0200. $250 at the door.

Nicola vegaThe (male) DJ Nicola Vega returns to spin at Play. Vega spins in St Tropez and Phuket, which is quite the commute. Feb 28, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. Free.

Makeshift: Underground House and technoClub night Makeshift returns, this time featuring DJs Casey Anderson, De La Joel, Sutton and Flora spinning their signature beats. Mar 8, 10pm. XXX Gallery, B/F, 353-363 Des Voeux Rd. West, Sai Ying Pun. $150 at the door.

Social HooliganzAussie DJ duo Social Hooliganz return to drop some house beatz. They cite their influences as Paul Oakenfold and Tiesto. Just like every other house DJ ever, then... Mar 22, 10pm. Play, 1/F, On Hing Building, 1 On Hing Terrace, Central. $200 for ladies and $300 for gents at the door.

Concertsthe rolling Stones in MacauNo more tickets, except ones you can’t afford—and even those are running low. Sucks to be you! Mar 9, 8pm. The Venetian, Estrada da Baía de N. Senhora da Esperança, Taipa, Macau, (+853) 2882-8888. $14,880 from www.hkticketing.com.

Macklemore and ryan LewisFresh from their Grammy win, US rapper Macklemore and DJ-producer Ryan Lewis are coming to town. If you’re one of those people who hate on “mainstream” hip-hop, just remember: “Thrift Shop” is only the second time ever a single reached No. 1 in the Billboard 100 without backing from a big-name record label. Wut wut, wut wut. Mar 20, 8pm. AsiaWorld-Expo, Chek Lap Kok. $680-880 from www.hkticketing.com.

Bruno MarsAlthough Bruno Mars’s cute love songs propelled him right to the top of every girl’s wish list, we would like to draw your attention to the fact that he is also featured in Major Lazer’s twerk-happy rap tune, “Bubble Butt.” Mar 29-30, 8pm. AsiaWorld-Arena, Chek Lap Kok. $488-1,088 from www.hkticketing.com.

GigsSgt.Local label White Noise Records kicks off its 10th anniversary celebrations with this gig featuring Tokyo four-piece Sgt. They play post-rock and jazz interspersed with classical and noise rock, with plenty of improvisation thrown in there for kicks. Feb 21, 8:30pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $220 from www.whitenoiserecords.org; $260 at the door.

DiabloSouth Korea may not have much of a heavy metal scene, but stalwarts Diablo are going from strength to shredding strength. Established in 1993, the five-piece has shared the stage with the likes of Marilyn Manson and Slayer. Expect an intense, energetic and exceedingly loud performance. And not a single mention of the video game. Feb 22, 8:30pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $150 from www.ticketflap.com.

And So I Watch You from AfarNorthern Irish foursome And So I Watch You From Afar will bring their post-rock and math-rock sounds to Hidden Agenda for one night only. Mar 8, 8pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $300-350 from www.ticketflap.com; $400 at the door.

Chouffe, Vedett and Leffe, plus a series of British beers from Fuller’s brewery. There’s even the very pleasant Hopwired IPA from New Zealand. And if that’s not doing it for you—there are 89 (!!!) varieties of bottled beer in stock. 89!

Why you’ll be back: Because wherever it is, Inn Side Out has the same vibe: easy-going with good comfort food (Reubens, half-pound burgers, nachos, sizzling fajitas) and quaffable booze. And did we mention the 89 bottles of beer? Like the driving range downstairs: you set ‘em up; we’ll knock ‘em back. Adam White

2/f, South China Athletic Association, 88 Caroline Hill rd., Causeway Bay, 2895-2900.

the Inn Side Out we all remember. But this new ISO is long and thin, packed with three bars and stretches of tables. There’s an outdoor area as you walk in, followed by floor-to-ceiling windows which overlook the SCAA’s football pitch/driving range. This is amazing because you’re continually treated to the mesmerizing sight of tiny white balls arcing out into the distance below you. Yes, you still get unlimited peanuts, and yes—you’re still encouraged to chuck the shells straight on to the floor.

the drinks: The beer list—never small—has only expanded in its new venue. Alongside the menu’s “Boring Beer” section, ISO has taken advantage of the extra room to add a raftload of new drafts. Think Belgian beers such as La

the buzz: Inn Side Out is dead… long live Inn Side Out. The old Causeway Bay favorite was forced to shut down when Hysan decided to redevelop the Sunning Plaza complex. Owners El Grande Concepts have gone for a bit of a gamble, banking on their loyal customer base to relocate the bar up the hill to the South China Athletic Association. Yes, you do have to be a member to get a drink—but you can sign up at the door, get yourself a $120 year-long membership to the whole building, AND they’ll give you $150 worth of drinks vouchers for your trouble. In other words: it’s a free year-long membership to the SCAA. Not too bad a deal.

the décor: The furniture and vibe have been kept as constant as possible: there’s no doubt this is

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Edited by Andrea [email protected]

Twitter: @andreas_lo

Yalun tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at [email protected] or @yaluntu on twitter.

I don’t care if this column is irrelevant by the time it comes out. I don’t care if there’s a freak heatwave and you’re reading this at the pool. It’s goddamn freaking cold outside. It’s cold in here. It’s cold everywhere.

I’m writing this column under two blankets. I walked into my apartment and turned on the small heater I bought three years ago as a half-joke. I’m waiting for it to warm up this shoebox apartment. I did the math: with 700 square feet and the relative strength of the heater, my apartment will be warm in roughly 25,000 years.

I can’t cope. I saw a kid with his fingers frozen stuck to his iPhone. I saw a dog try to bark but it came out as BRRRRRK. I saw a bird fly off a tree, frost over in mid-air, and explode into a million pieces when it hit the ground. It’s so cold that you probably don’t even care that those jokes are all terrible.

Nobody here is used to it. Hong Kong doesn’t know what to do. It’s like when you hear about how it snowed 2 centimeters and California was shut down, and you’re like WTF it snows 2 meters every year in New York, are these guys idiots? We’re the idiots. Case in point: every conversation I’ve had for the last week has gone like this:

- Hey.- Hey.- [At the same time] How are you—- Sorry, go ahead.- No, you go ahead.- I insist.- No, I insist—WHY ARE WE TALKING

IT’S SO COLD!!!!!I just came back from icy London, which

was somehow warmer than Hong Kong. Obviously the temperature wasn’t higher,

but the buildings have insulation, the coats are thicker and you’ve mentally prepared yourself for the cold. Here everybody expects 15 degrees Celsius and a light jacket or some boots with hilarious fake fur because hey, we’re fashionable. Thick coats don’t match the Hong Kong vibe—we’re a skinny city so we have to look skinny. This cold wave has had me cursing my recent health kick. In the States we all fatten up in the cold and you can’t tell because I’m wearing three T-shirts, two sweaters and a hat so thick it could stop a bullet. Do you think I would have ordered that salad if that was my daily attire?

It’s gotten so bad that my fantasies are all about warmth. You know how guys try to trick girls into their apartments with lame lines like, “I’ll cook you dinner,” or “I want to show you this painting,” or, “I just want to cuddle, but like friends”? Today, if a girl called me I’d be like, “I’ll cook, but only for the heat” or “Let me rip up this painting for kindling” or “I just want to cuddle, for warmth. With anyone. Literally anyone. Find the fattest person you know. Bring them here. I have wine. Hot mulled wine.”

But I’m giving up now, throwing in the ice-cold towel. Get colder, Hong Kong. I dare you. I want a snowball fight in LKF. I’m planning to sled down the Peak then build a snow Edward Snowden, and cross-country ski while attached to a tram.

Let’s hope it gets warm soon. The only solution I can think of is to interview all of Hong Kong’s politicians about illegal structures. The combined hot air from their responses would heat this town right up. Oh, sorry— am I stepping on Chip Tsao’s toes here?

I don’t care. I’m too cold.

Baby it’s Cold in Here

CaspianMassachusetts post-rockers Caspian came into being in 2003, and released their first EP two years later. They have been touring the globe ever since, playing their heavy, vocals-free tunes. This is not an invitation to audition for lead singer at the gig. Mar 10, 8:30pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $220 from www.ticketflap.com.

tricotTricot is a relative newcomer to the Japanese math-rock scene—the four-piece was formed in September 2010. They play post-punk-post-rock-inspired tunes at their intense live show. This should be worth it. Mar 11, 8pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $260 from www.whitenoiserecords.org; $300 at the door.

Sugar plum ferrySynth-electronica group Sugar Plum Ferry formed in 1997 in Taiwan. They’re an influential voice in the Taiwanese indie scene, and they’ve opened for the likes of Múm in the past. Mar 15, 8pm. Hidden Agenda, 2A, Wing Fu Industrial Building, 15-17 Tai Yip St., Ngau Tau Kok, 9170-6073. $200 from www.ticketflap.com.

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THE STRAIGHT MAN with Yalun Tu

Edited by Evelyn [email protected]


Coming Soon

12 Years a Slave(USA) Steve McQueen’s third directorial feature is the strongest of the Oscar Best Picture nominations yet. It tells the true story of Solomon Northup, a man born free but sold into slavery in pre-civil war America. The powerhouse cast features Olivier Award-winning Chiwetel Ejiofor, plus Michael Fassbender, Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Giamatti, Sarah Paulson and Brad Pitt in supporting roles, as well as silver screen newcomer Lupita Nyong’o. The praise garnered for Ejiofor and Fassbender in particular is through the roof: it might be draining to watch but you can’t afford not to. Opens Feb 27.

August: osage County(USA) This dark comedy drama is the story of the Westons, a regular ol’ batshit crazy family from the US Midwest. Adapted from the play of the same name, Meryl Streep puts the “fun” in dysfunctional with her loopy, prescription-drug-addict matriarch Violet, accompanied by the other Weston women (including Julia Roberts and Abigail Breslin) and men (Ewan McGregor, Benedict Cumberbatch—what ISN’T he in nowadays?). The whole family returns to the house they grew up in to attend to a family crisis. Chaos, predictably, ensues. Opens Feb 27.

Lone Survivor(USA) Four Navy Seals are abandoned without backup on a botched mission to capture and eliminate a dangerous Taliban leader. In this film based on the real-life Operation Red Wings, it’s a constant battle between morality, soldiering… and surviving the unforgiving Afghan terrain. As the title suggests, only one man comes back. But which of the leads will be left at the end of the movie? Mark Wahlberg? Taylor Kitsch? Emile Hirsch? Eric Bana? My money’s on the Hulk. Opens Feb 27.

pompeii(USA) The legendary story of Pompeii’s downfall in 79 A.D. is getting the full “Gladiator” treatment. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (“Resident Evil”), we’ll see Milo (Kit Harington, AKA Jon “You know nothing” Snow from HBO’s “Game of Thrones”), a slave-turned-gladiator who tries to whisk his true love Cassia (Emily Browning) away from her betrothed—a corrupt and evil Roman senator (Kiefer Sutherland). Then Mount Vesuvius explodes, and Milo must fight gladiators and deadly blazing lava to save the day. Spoiler: everyone dies in a cloud of ash. Opens Feb 27.

openingHK PICKS

Dallas Buyers Club(USA) The competition is getting fierce for the Oscar for most-extreme-body-transformation. Christian Bale gained a staggering 40 pounds for “American Hustle,” but Matthew McConaughey went almost skeletal after losing the same amount for his role in this flick. He’s Ron Woodruff, a bronco-rider and rodeo gambler in 1985 Dallas, who suddenly finds himself HIV-positive. This Texas homophobe paves the way into getting other patients (including Jared Leto as the transgender Rayon) the unapproved meds they need to survive. Opened Feb 20.

I, frankenstein(USA) Aaron Eckhart plays Frankenstein’s (really ripped) monster in 2014’s revamp of the Mary Shelley classic. The monster finds himself in the present day, in the midst of a supernatural war. Let’s hope this movie is the last straw in Hollywood’s obsession with all sorts of creatures of the night—first vampires vs. werewolves, now the undead vs… gargoyles? Mary Shelley is probably doing somersaults, six feet under. Opened Feb 20.

the Monuments Men(USA) Set during World War II, it’s a more-or-less true story of the best curators and art historians of their time, who heaved themselves through boot camp to save Europe’s greatest art from the Nazis. Just as well, because without them today we’d probably just be looking at the Fuhrer’s landscapes instead. An all-star ensemble cast includes George Clooney (who also writes and directs), John Goodman, Matt Damon, Bill Murray and Cate Blanchett. Opened Feb 20.

philomena(UK/US) See review, right. Opened Feb 20.

project H(thailand) Piyapan Choopetch (“Necromancer”) directs this horror flick based on the ghost town of Hashima Island, made famous last year by the James Bond flick “Skyfall.” A former coal mining facility, it was populated until 1974, when all of its inhabitants apparently disappeared overnight. A group of college students ventures into the abandoned city to film supposed supernatural happenings. Of course, their deathwish-slash-idiocy becomes bait for the island’s angry spirits. Who knows if they’ll make it out in one piece? Who knows if they’ll even find anything, other than Javier Bardem and his creepy Bond-baddie teeth? Opened Feb 20.

roommate(Japan) Much like the 2011 American film of the same name, “Roommate” is about two girls whose friendship becomes much… more. And not in the “Blue is the Warmest Colour” way, either. Harumi (Keiko Kitagawa) gets increasingly close to her roommate and new best friend Reiko (Kyoko Fukada), only to find herself caught up in a cold-blooded murder. Then a mysterious doppelganger shows up, and things go from bad to worse. And maybe more Japanese, who knows? Opened Feb 20.

ContinuingHK PICKS

American Hustle(USA) David O. Russell (“Silver Linings Playbook,” “The Fighter”) directs this 10-Oscar-nominated feast of 70s crime, comb-overs and dangerously low necklines. Con man Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) and his sexy partner Sydney Prosser (Amy Adams) find themselves coerced into working for FBI agent Richie DiMaso (Bradley Cooper), setting up corrupt politicians and the mob alike. Then Rosenfeld’s crazy wife (Jennifer Lawrence) and son get involved, and the whole con could go up in flames. Sounds awesome, but in true David O. Russell fashion, it’s more character than plot. PPPP

Belle and Sebastian(france) Forget the ever-faithful Hachiko. “Belle and Sebastian” is where it’s at when it comes to heartbreaking man-and-dog friendships. The setting: a little village in the Alps, on the cusp of World War II. Footprints of a beast end up being from Belle, a huge, beautiful white dog who is tamed and befriended by a lonely child named Sebastian (Félix Bossuet).

the Butler(USA) Oscar-nominated director Lee Daniels (“Precious”) tells the tale of White House butler Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker) who serves through seven presidential terms and the political ripples of 20th-century history. If you’ve ever wanted to see what America would be like under the Alan Rickman (Reagan) or James Marsden (Kennedy) administration—now’s your chance. PPPP

Need to KnowAMC Cinema, 2265-8933www.amccinemas.com.hk

Broadway Circuit, 2388-3188www.cinema.com.hk

Golden Harvest Cinema, 2622-6688 www.goldenharvest.com

MCL Cinema, 3413-6688www.mclcinema.com

UA Cinema, 3516-8811www.uacinemas.com.hk

the Grand Cinema, 2196-8170www.thegrandcinema.com.hk

The Wolf of Wall Street PPPPP(USA) Comedy/Crime. Directed by Martin Scorsese. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot robbie, Kyle Chandler. Category III. 180 minutes. opened feb 13.

Midget-tossing, sex in the workplace and snorting heaping amounts of blow off the asses of prostitutes: Martin Scorsese’s Oscar-nominated black comedy “The Wolf of Wall Street” tells the real-life, all-American, rags-to-riches tale of Jordan Belfort. Well, rags-to-riches-to-Quaaludes-to-divorce-to-jail-time-to-author-and-motivational-speaker. It’s one crazy, drug-induced ride, and it was only a matter of time before Hollywood churned out a silver screen version of his cautionary tale. Frankly, it’s a wonder Belfort could remember any of it.

Scorsese’s main man of late, Leonardo DiCaprio (“Shutter Island,” “The Departed”) stars as Bronx native Jordan Belfort, who makes his way downtown to Wall Street firm L.F. Rothschild just before it collapsed during the 1987 stock market crash. Seemingly shit out of luck, the only opening available to young Jordan is as a sad-sack penny stock broker out in Long Island. Hungry to make it big, the talented salesman makes use of some sound advice from his previous mentor (Matthew “Hot Streak” McConaughey in an all too small role) to squeeze whatever he can out of the naïve middle-class investors who come to him. Donnie Azoff (a very funny Jonah Hill; “Moneyball”) joins him along the way and together they start their own crooked brokerage firm.

Soon enough, he’s a twenty-something millionaire leading a firm which brings in more money than it knows what to do with. He’s also hooked on a daily recreational drug schedule, has a neglected sweet wife, a manipulative lingerie model girlfriend (Aussie bombshell Margot Robbie) and eventually a can’t-be-bought FBI agent (Kyle Chandler) dedicated to bringing him in. It becomes clear how easily he could get out scot-free, but the money-hungry Jordan just can’t walk away. That hunger which took him from his humble middle-class background to the mansions and the Ferraris will never be satisfied.

Sound familiar? It should do. Just replace the stockbrokers with gangsters and Leonardo DiCaprio with Ray Liotta and presto: you have Scorsese’s 1990 masterpiece “Goodfellas.” It’s hard not to draw connections between the movies, right down to the main character narrating his own true story, occasionally talking straight to the camera.

After reading Belfort’s memoir, DiCaprio became obsessed with playing him, keeping the man close by during filming to help him get into character. And it’s clear that DiCaprio is excited about the role and the film itself. He’s brilliant as the hyperactive, power-crazy Wolf. But there’s a problem. It seems like Scorsese was able to get the whole director’s cut into theaters, and “Wolf” is just too damn long, with too many anecdotes shoved in for the sake of it. They’re entertaining, but after a while you get as numb to them as Jordan Belfort’s own coked-up nose.

For those of you (myself included) who have grown tired of the now-generic epic biopics about overambitious, talented men who ultimately lose everything (“Ray,” “Walk the Line,” etc.), you’ll be happy to know that Jordan’s story isn’t told in that simplistic and rather boring Hollywood manner. It isn’t exactly Scorsese’s style to spoon-feed morality lessons to his viewers. Instead he stays true to Belfort’s own story—perhaps a little too true, given the movie’s length—and he doesn’t make excuses for these slime-ball stars. Belfort and his merry men are utter sleaze: they’re not even goodfellas. What does it say, when you like gangsters more than bankers? Katie Kenny


Mandela: Long Walk to freedom(UK/South Africa) This is the first film to tell the whole story of Nelson Mandela’s exceptional life, from his childhood right up to his days as a freedom fighter, his 27 years in prison, and his term as the first democratically elected President of South Africa. It tries too hard to cram all of Mandela’s pivotal life events into two and a half hours, but backed by the team who worked on “Gladiator” and led by Idris “Stringer Bell” Elba, it won’t disappoint. PPP

HK PICKS

roboCop(USA) In this reboot of the 1987 classic, Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”) is a good cop working to battle crime and corruption in Detroit. After a life-threatening injury, Omnicorp (pretty on-the-nose, huh) scientist Dennett Norton (Gary Oldman) transforms him into the titular crime-fighting cyborg, with a whole host of attendant Robo-Issues.

Saving Mr. Banks(USA) John Lee Hancock directs the story of how the Disney classic “Mary Poppins” came to be. The chipper Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) struggles to get the unpliable author P.L. Travers (Emma Thompson) to sign over the rights to make the film: but she fights his “Disneyfication” all the way. Bad cockney accents guaranteed. PPPP

twice Born(Bosnia/Croatia/Italy) A romantic war drama directed by Sergio Castellitto set in the aftermath of the Bosnian War. Penelope Cruz is a single mother, Gemma, who revisits Sarajevo with her son Pietro years after the war has settled, and battles her inner demons as she remembers the father (Emile Hirsch). Critics didn’t seem to agree with the melodrama, and maybe it’s well warranted—The movie glosses over the ongoing war to the extent that it really doesn’t matter exactly which war is going on. It’s ambitious, but unfortunately it doesn’t pay off. P

Winter’s tale(USA) In 1916 New York, posh dying girl Jessica Brown Findlay (“Downton Abbey”) and thief Colin Farrell fall deeply in love, only to be torn apart by what looks to be Russell Crowe on horseback, à la Les Mis. Cut to the present day, and Colin’s still around. It’s a love story implausibly spanning a century, but as the tagline says: “this is not a true story— this is a love story.” I have no idea what that means. But I do know my editor is angry they’re not making an adaptation of the Shakespeare play instead.

the Wolf of Wall Street(USA) See review, far left.

Endless Love(USA) It’s the classic “Notebook” story all over again: Gabriella Wilde (“The Three Musketeers”) plays a bookish and privileged girl who, while vacationing with her family over the summer, meets a charismatic boy (Alex Pettyfer, “Magic Mike”) who doesn’t tick all of her parents’ boxes. He shows her the world she’s been missing outside of her novels: a sweet, caring guy who’s so much more than the summer fling. With her parents fighting to keep them apart, they only grow closer… until they dig into his past. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

from vegas to Macau(Hong Kong) Local cinema luminary Wong Jing reunites with Chow Yun-fat for this Hong Kong crime comedy, a continuation of their “God of Gamblers” series. Chow reprises his role as Gambler God Ko Chun, who returns to Macau and begins to teach two new protégés (Nicholas Tse and Chapman To) the tricks of the trade. Cue inevitable gambling showdown!

Jack ryan: Shadow recruit(USA) Russians. CIA Agents. Terrorists. Devious plot to cripple the world economy that must be stopped. Welcome to Jack Ryan: Every Action Movie Ever Made—and therefore a culmination of the best. Based on the character created by bestselling author Tom Clancy, Jack Ryan (Chris Pine) is a CIA analyst-turned-spy on the brink of uncovering a Russian plot against America. As if that wasn’t enough, Keira Knightley plays his girlfriend, Cathy. All it’s missing is a martini, shaken, not stirred. PPPP

the Lego Movie(USA) An ordinary Lego minifig (Chris Pratt) is accidentally recruited into the most epic world-saving quest of all world-saving quests: to stop the Lego world from being glued together by mastermind President Business (Will Ferrell)! Constant hilarity and giggles aside, it speaks volumes about the importance of creativity. This is a dream come true for everyone who’s young at heart. PPPP

oscar PreviewsBroadway & AMC Sneak previewCatch three of the Best Picture nominees at Palace IFC and AMC Pacific Place well before their Hong Kong release dates: Spike Jonze’s “Her,” Albert Berger and Ron Yerxa’s “Nebraska,” and Steve McQueen’s“12 Years A Slave” are all showing on select dates. through Feb 28, for ticketing details and screening times, visit www.cinema.com.hk and www.amccinemas.com.hk.

Cine times oscar ShowcaseCine Times, the recently opened cinema at Times Square (13/F, Times Square, 1 Matheson St., Causeway Bay, 3918-5888), is holding an Oscar Showcase before the big day, with one Oscar-nominated movie screened per day over a whole week. Catch early releases such as “Her” and “Nebraska.” The cinema is also bringing back films from earlier in the year, including “Gravity” and “Blue Jasmine.” Feb 19-26. For tickets and details, check out www.uacinemas.com.hk.

oscar Movie Marathon: Best foreign Language film NomineesMovie buffs and hardcore hipsters: free up your Saturday for a whole day of foreign film goodness. The five Oscar nominations for Best Foreign Language Film are screening back-to-back at Broadway Cinematheque. The flicks include: Cambodia’s first nominated film “the Missing picture,” Belgian romance “the Broken Circle Breakdown,” “the Hunt” (featuring TV’s Hannibal Lecter, Mads Mikkelsen), and Paolo Sorrentino’s “the Great Beauty”. Guess the Oscar-winner correctly, and you’ll get a chance to win movie coupons worth up to $900. Feb 22, Broadway Cinematheque, Prosperous Garden, 3 Public Square St., Yau Ma Tei. $375 from www.cinema.com.hk.

film festivals

European film festival 2014 This film festival at the Broadway cinemas features a host of indie films from all over Europe—with goodies spanning English, French, Spanish, German, Czech, Swedish and Polish cinema. Highlights include Italy’s candidate for the Best Foreign Film Oscar, “the Great Beauty”—Paolo Sorrentino’s update of Fellini’s classic “La Dolce Vita.” Then there’s Guillaume Gallienne’s French autobiographical comedy “Me, Myself, and Mum,” and the evocative and philosophical “Night train to Lisbon,” starring Jeremy Irons. Each film is only being screened twice, so grab your tickets quick! Feb 21-Mar 5. For tickets and details, check out www.cinema.com.hk.

A film festival About filmmakingIn coming weeks, UA Cinemas will showcase four internationally acclaimed films that offer a look at what goes on behind the scenes. Catch a documentary on the makings of iconic horror flick “Night of the Living Dead,” and also take a peek into the struggle behind financing a Hollywood movie in “Seduced and Abandoned,” directed by Alec Baldwin and James Toback. Feb 22-Mar 16. For ticketing details visit tiny.cc/hk-FFAF.

Philomena PPPPP(UK/USA) Drama. Directed by Stephen frears. Starring Judi Dench, Steve Coogan. Category IIA. 98 minutes. opened feb 20.

I learned a couple of things after watching this movie. One of them: Catholic nuns are terrifying. What else would you expect of a movie that touches on the consequences of sin in 1950s Catholic Ireland? But “Philomena” doesn’t just rely on the “scary nun” trope—instead we leave the cinema with a new level of understanding, and an openness to the idea of faith.

“Philomena” is a true story of suppression, and what results from it. Philomena Lee, a teenager in heavily conservative 1950s Ireland, meets a stranger at the fairground. She’s enamored, and after a brief, naïve tryst she discovers that she’s pregnant. Suddenly she’s being verbally flogged by an abbey full of nuns. Disowned by her ashamed father, Philomena gives birth excruciatingly painkiller-free, as atonement for her sin—after which she has to do manual labor to pay off the cost of her stay. She’s allowed to see her son Anthony for an hour a day, and for a second we believe that she’s content… only to reach the crushing point when he’s snatched away from her, in a scheme to sell babies—marketed as orphans—to American couples.

And so she suppresses the secret of her lost son for 50 years. We flash to the present, where the impeccably convincing Judi Dench plays the older Philomena, who’s just told her daughter about her first child, all those years ago. She’s a nice, cheery old lady with working-class humor, a stark contrast to many of Dench’s other recent roles. She meets the intelligent journalist and ex-political-advisor Martin Sixsmith (Steve Coogan)—a thoughtful, proud liberal, who’s recently lost his job and is looking for something to write about. He reluctantly agrees to help Philomena in her quest to find her son. Philomena is humble and a little intimidated by Sixsmith, but she’s also fearless: one of the most lovely and well-rounded characters I’ve seen on screen.

But “Philomena” isn’t a film about a family reunion. In fact, it’s subtly (and wonderfully so) a philosophical debate about life and faith, bolstered by excellent chemistry between its two leads. Martin sees with the logical eyes of the modern liberal audience—he immediately sees the injustice of the Catholic Church. As an atheist, he sees the church’s emphasis on atonement and repentance as utter horseshit, and it angers him deeply.

On the flip side is Philomena. We see vignettes of her hard life in the convent and we are easily swayed to Martin’s side. It’s easy to scoff at the farce depicted as the church—what with the commercialism of the church gift shop, the sickly sweet manners of the nuns, and their harsh cruelty in the black-and-white world of sin and repentance. But Philomena guards her faith nonetheless. She still goes to confession. In her struggle with the nuns who lied to her all those years, she takes the higher ground of forgiveness each time. Staunch believers have been all-too-criticized in recent popular culture, and this film puts faith itself under a better and more realistic light, without preaching.

Yes, “Philomena” makes nuns scary. But it also gives a balanced view of religion and atheism, morals and extremes. Martin and Philomena seek to uncover the truth behind a heartbreaking half-century-old mystery, but they also uncover new things about themselves, and both their belief systems are challenged, all while completely avoiding the clichés that all too easily litter this kind of plot. It’s subtly humorous and equally thought-provoking: the best kind of true story. Evelyn Lok


pISCES (feb 19-March 20): From 2010 to 2012, Eric Garcetti worked as an actor on the TV cop shows “The Closer” and its spin-off series “Major Crimes.” He played the mayor of Los Angeles. Then in 2013, he ran for the office of L.A.’s mayor in real life, and won. It was a spectacular example of Kurt Vonnegut’s suggestion that we tend to become what we pretend to be. Your assignment Pisces, is to make good use of this principle. I invite you to experiment with pretending to be the person you would like to turn into.

ArIES (Mar 21-Apr 19): A woman from New

Mexico wrote to tell me that after reading my

horoscopes for three years in the Santa Fe

Reporter, she had decided to stop. “I changed

my beliefs,” she said. “I no longer resonate

with your philosophy.” On the one hand, I was

sad that I had lost a reader. On the other hand,

I admired her for being able to transform her

beliefs, and also for taking practical action to

enforce her shift in perspective. That’s the kind of

purposeful metamorphosis I recommend for you,

Aries. What ideas are you ready to shed? What

theories no longer explain the nature of life to

your satisfaction? Be ruthless in cutting away the

thoughts that no longer work for you.

tAUrUS (Apr 20-May 20): In Arthurian legend,

Camelot was the castle where King Arthur held

court and ruled his kingdom. It housed the Round

Table, where Arthur’s knights congregated for

important events. Until recently, I had always

imagined that the table was relatively small and

the number of knights few. But then I discovered

that several old stories say there was enough

room for 150 knights. It wasn’t an exclusive, elitist

group. I suspect you will experience a similar

evolution, Taurus. You may be wishing you could

become part of a certain circle, but assume

it’s too exclusive or selective to welcome you

as a member. I suspect it’s more receptive and

inclusive than you think.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): The renowned Lakota

medicine man Sitting Bull (1831-1890) wasn’t

born with that name. For the first years of his

life he was known as Jumping Badger. His father

renamed him when he was a teenager after he

demonstrated exceptional courage in battle. I’d

like to see you consider a similar transition in the

coming months, Gemini. You’re due to add some

gravitas to your approach. The tides of destiny are

calling you to move more deliberately and take

greater care with the details. Are you willing to

experiment with being solid and stable? The more

willing you are to assume added responsibility, the

more interesting that responsibility is likely to be.

CANCEr (Jun 21-Jul 22): The English noun

“offing” refers to the farthest reach of the ocean

that is still visible as you stand on the beach.

It’s a good symbol for something that is at a

distance from you and yet still within view. I

suggest that you take a long thoughtful look at the

metaphorical offing that’s visible from where you

stand. You’ll be wise to identify what’s looming

for you in the future so you can start working to

ensure you will get the best possible version of it.

LEo (Jul 23-Aug 22): A large plaster Buddha

statue was housed at a modest temple in

Bangkok, Thailand from 1935 to 1955. No one

knew its age or origins. In May of 1955, workers

were struggling to move the heavy ten-foot icon

to a new building on the temple grounds when it

accidentally broke free of the ropes that secured

it. As it hit the ground, a chunk of plaster fell off,

revealing a sheen of gold beneath. Religious

leaders authorized the removal of the remaining

plaster surface. Hidden inside was a solid gold

Buddha that is today worth $250 million dollars.

Research later revealed that the plaster had been

applied by 18th-century monks to prevent the

statue from being looted. I foresee a comparable

sequence unfolding in the coming weeks for you,

Leo. What will it take to free a valuable resource

that’s concealed within a cheap veneer?

vIrGo (Aug 23-Sep 22): Holistic health teacher

Deepak Chopra suggests that we all periodically

make this statement: “Every decision I make is

a choice between a grievance and a miracle. I

relinquish all regrets, grievances, and resentments,

and choose the miracle.” Is that too New Age for

you, Virgo? I hope you can drop any prejudices

you might have about it and simply make it your

own. It’s the precise formula you need to spin this

week’s events in the right direction—working for

you rather than against you.

LIBrA (Sep 23-oct 22): In the savannas of Africa,

waterholes are crucial for life. During the rainy

season, there are enough to go around for every

animal species to drink and bathe in comfortably.

But the dry season shrinks the size and number of

the waterholes. The impala may have to share with

the hippopotamus, the giraffe with the warthog.

Let’s use this as a metaphor to speculate about

your future. I’m guessing that the dry season will

soon be arriving in your part of the world. The

waterholes may dwindle. But that could ultimately

prove to be a lucky development, because it will

bring you into contact with interesting life forms

you might not have otherwise met. Unexpected

new alliances could emerge.

SCorpIo (oct 23-Nov 21): In his book “The

Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human,”

literary scholar Jonathan Gottschall muses on

the crucial role that imagination plays in our

lives. “[The] average daydream is about fourteen

seconds long and [we] have about two thousand

of them per day,” he says. “In other words,

we spend about half of our waking hours—one-

third of our lives on earth—spinning fantasies.”

I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, because you

are entering a phase when your daydreams can

serve you well. They’re more likely than usual

to be creative, productive, and useful. Monitor

them closely.

SAGIttArIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): The Russian

composer Dmitri Shostakovich wrote his Eighth

Symphony in a mere two months during the

summer of 1943. He worked on it in an old

henhouse on a former chicken farm. The location

helped relax him, allowing him to work with extra

intensity. I wish you could find a retreat like that

for yourself sometime soon, Sagittarius. I think

you would benefit from going off by yourself to

a sanctuary and having some nice long talks with

your ancestors, the spirits of nature, and your

deepest self. If that’s not practical right now, what

would be the next best thing you could do?

CAprICorN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Is there one

simple thing you could do to bring a bit more

freedom into your life? An elegant rebellion

against an oppressive circumstance? A

compassionate breakaway from a poignant

encumbrance? A flash of unpredictable

behavior that would help you escape a puzzling

compromise? I’m not talking about a huge,

dramatic move that would completely sever

you from all of your burdens and limitations. I’m

imagining a small step you could take to get a

taste of spaciousness and a hint of greater fluidity.

That’s your assignment in the coming week.

AQUArIUS (Jan 20-feb 18): There are 15,074

lakes in Wisconsin, but more than 9,000 of them

have never been officially named. That’s strange

to me. In my view, everything is worthy of the

love that is bestowed by giving it a name. I have

named every tree and bush in my yard, as well

as each egret that frequents the creek flowing

by my house. I understand that at the Findhorn

community in northern Scotland, people even give

names to their cars and toasters and washing

machines. According to researchers in the UK,

cows that have names are happier: They produce

more milk. Your assignment, Aquarius, is to name

at least some of the unnamed things in your

world. It’s an excellent time to cultivate a closer,

warmer personal relationship with absolutely

everything.

HoMeWork: You can read free excerpts of my most recent book at http://bit.ly/pronoiafree2. tell me what you think at [email protected].

fREE WILL ASTRoLoGYROb bREZSNY


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A Chef fires Back

Former chef Jason Black runs Empire Media, which provides PR,

marketing and social media services for F&B outlets in Hong Kong.

Chef Jason Black offers this rebuttal to our rant about everything we hate about

the Hong Kong dining scene [Jan 24, issue 1,028].

To be fair, dearest HK Mag,

the dining population is also filled

with more than a few tosspots.

Stick it to them a little, too!

reservations. When wankers

stop making multiple bookings

at venues, when they honor

their reservations, or simply

cancel them on time, perhaps

then restaurants will look at

reservations as an asset, not a risk.

When people book for eight people at 8pm and then one person arrives at 8:15,

two at 8:30 and the rest between 9 and 9:30, IT IS NOT OK. Try that shit with your

next 8pm flight to Vancouver or Paris!

Or better still, try not showing up for your doctor/lawyer/accountant and see if he doesn’t

charge you. Restaurateurs are no less professional than people with a string of letters after

their names—treat them as such!

Know-It-Alls. “My wife is a Cordon Bleu”/”I have eaten all over the world”/”My second

cousin has a food blog, you know”—not the best way to start a complaint with a chef/

manager. On complaining: DO IT AT THE RESTAURANT. 10 out of 10 hospitality professionals

will accept your constructive criticism and will do everything in their power to ensure you

have a great experience. If they don’t, ask for the owner’s details and contact him directly.

Going home, opening your OpenPotato account and telling the world really just shows

you haven’t learned how to express your dissatisfaction like an adult. If you want to write

reviews because you are all of a sudden a foodie, before you put fingers to keyboard,

KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT or simply: grow the fuck up.

the Hand Waver. Stop it already. Just because the person waves at you from behind

the counter at Mcdonalds when he wants to take your order, it doesn’t mean the

person wearing the apron who works in a place that serves food on a plate needs to be

summoned the same way! Come the revolution, you lot will be first against the wall.

those at Death’s Door and the NewCreatives. If you genuinely don’t like an

ingredient, like onions, then say so—where possible, most places will accommodate

you. Saying ”I am allergic” when you are not doesn’t cut it. Given that it forms the basis

of a lot of cooking… you’d be dead by now. Oh, and just eat off the menu will you?

Why change something that has been crafted by an expert (allergies excepted)? You

wouldn’t walk into Tom Ford/Dior and say “I want that jacket, but with these sleeves and

that furry collar.” Well, you could, but they may tell you to join the Hand Wavers at the

coming-soon-revolution-wall.

Using the above analogy, you can go to a tailor for sure, and he will make you look as silly

as you want—just as much as you can experiment with your food at home. BUT LEAVE IT

THERE. Chefs play with flavor, texture and temperature to create a dish. It goes on a menu

when they think it is worthy. Having some mucking fuppet come along and want “The

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I am a straight male, married to a woman

for 25 years. our marriage started to go sour

about 14 years ago. Sex was infrequent and

stultifying. finally, when the kids were old

enough, I made plans to separate. When

my wife got wind of these plans, she finally

agreed to work on our relationship. We had

long and heartfelt conversations. things got

better. Sex got more frequent, if not more

exciting. then I saw a letter referencing

cuckolding in your column in the Coast, the

weekly paper here in Halifax. I mentioned

it to my wife. She asked me to read it to

her. this led to a conversation about the

possibility of introducing cuckolding into

our relationship. She agreed after she made

certain it was something I really wanted. She

now has a guy in mind. My first choice for

this scenario would be all three of us having

sex. My second choice would be he and

I having sex with her. the third would be me

watching. the last would be them having

sex and me hearing about it afterward. She

has opted for the last option and is reluctant

to share all the details. She has asked me

why her having sex with another man is so

exciting. She speculated it is because I have

a big ego—if other men want her, her value

is higher. that sounded weird to me. for me,

it is all about sex. the idea of her letting

another guy in, going down on him, etc.

is exciting to me. We will be breaking the

rules for what married couples are supposed

to do. I have been on cuckolding websites.

It seems a lot of guys go in for humiliation.

Some claim they have small dicks and want

a larger man to satisfy their wives. None

of those things apply to me. I just think

it is hot, exciting sex. My question: Has there

been research into cuckolding? Why do

husbands find it hot and desirable?

– Clearly Understanding Cuckold Kink

“There hasn’t been a lot of research into the

cuckolding phenomenon,” said David J. Ley, PhD,

a clinical psychologist and the author of “Insatiable

Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love

Them.” “Historically, men whose wives cuckolded

them were publicly humiliated, and their wives

were often severely punished. It is only in the

past decade or so that this fantasy has catapulted

itself into the public consciousness, largely due

to an intersection of female sexual liberation and

the ability of the internet to allow men with these

fantasies to find each other and learn they are

not alone.”

Because of this history—cuckolded

men publicly shamed, cuckolding wives

brutally punished—there hasn’t been much

nonjudgmental, non-sex-panicky research

into men with your desires, CUCK. Ley’s book

represents the first comprehensive effort to

explore your particular kink.

“CUCK’s wife is right,” said Ley, “in that many

men do get an ego boost out of sharing their ‘hot

wife.’ But there are many other motivations as

well. Some men are into the idea of cuckolding

and humiliation, in a masochistic way. Leopold

von Sacher-Masoch, who masochism was named

after, explored this fantasy specifically for the

humiliation of it.”

Men who enjoy the humiliation aspect of their

wives sleeping with other men tend to identify with

the term “cuckold,” CUCK, while men who are into

the hot, exciting sex aspect—men like you—tend

to identity as “hotwifers.”

“There are lots of men who explore this

fantasy just because they think it’s very sexy

to imagine or see their wife having hot sex

with someone else and being fully satisfied,”

said Ley. “One very interesting biological theory

for this is related to the concept of sperm

competition. Essentially, the theory goes that

men get physically aroused when they know

that their sperm might have to compete with

those of another man, in order to possibly (even

theoretically) impregnate a woman. In such

circumstances, the men thrust harder and deeper

during sex, they ejaculate harder, and their

ejaculate contains more sperm.”

As for your wife’s restrictions—you can’t be

there, she’ll share some details but not all—Ley

thinks your wife is testing you. “She’s setting

boundaries,” said Ley. “She wants to see how

serious CUCK is, how he’s going to react. And she’s

also establishing some level of independence.

It’s her body and her sexuality, too, after all.” Ley

thinks you guys are coming at this from a good

place. Your marriage is on the upswing, you’re

talking about your desires openly and honestly,

and you’re willing to compromise. “I’ve worked

with couples who have made this fantasy and

lifestyle work,” said Ley. “And the key component

is communication, grounded by mutual trust

and respect. If you pursue this, do it with honest

communication on both your parts.”

You can follow Dr. Ley on Twitter @DrDavidLey.

I am a straight 19-year-old girl in college.

I broke up with my boyfriend of several

months a week before valentine’s Day

(a WHoLE nother situation), and during that

relationship, I met this other guy, one of his

friends. this friend has been in a relationship

for 2.5 years. But his girlfriend cheated on

him, and now he has a free card to go fuck

someone else. He wants that person to be

me! We have fooled around some, but even

though I am not looking for a relationship

right now, I have reservations about fucking

someone who is in a relationship, even if it’s

on a Go fuck Someone Else card. Advice?

– Uneasy And Unsure

Unless there are just two guys at your college—

your ex and this dude with the Go Fuck Someone

Else card—I would urge you to fuck someone else.

This scenario has drama written all over it. Your

ex will be pissed at you for fucking his friend,

he’ll be pissed at his friend for fucking you, the

friend’s girlfriend will be pissed at you for fucking

her boyfriend—GFSE card or no GFSE card. Who

needs that kind of grief? Find a hot student,

RA, TA, or prof who isn’t in your circle and fuck

him instead.

Hear the Lovecast recorded live at Seattle’s

Neptune Theatre on Valentine’s Day at

savagelovecast.com.

Market PLACE

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday

at thestranger.com/[email protected]

SAvAGE LovEDan Savage


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WEStErN/CoNNAUGHt roAD/SHEUNG WAN/KENNEDY toWN 208 Duocento Otto99 BonhamA&M U.S GroceriesAmerican Women's Association Barista JamBistro Du VinBoulangerie Bistronomique Bulldog's GrillCafé O Chez Meli Melo ClassifiedDaily GourmetFat Angelo’sGallery MiniHo MeiHoliday Inn Express SohoHome FlavourIbis HotelJaspa's - Kennedy TownK-Town Bar & Grill KonzeppLa CantocheLa Viola Limestone ArmsMagnolia Private DiningMandarin Oriental Hong KongMetropolitainMonsieur ChatteOlaPark N Shop Kennedy Town

Pasta Place Percy'sShelter Lounge Starbucks - Shun Tak CentreStarbucks - Rumsey StStarbucks – Connaught RoadStarbucks - Ibis HotelStarbucks – St Stephen’s LaneTacochacaTeakhaThe Press RoomTraders Hotel

MID-LEvELS Café O - Caine RoadChicken on the RunCoffee BookDymocks - Bonham Rd.Il Bel PaeseKoh ThaiLadies' Recreation ClubLof10 Mier Serviced Apartments Orange Tree RestaurantPeak Café BarSeymour Starbucks - Caine RoadThe PhoenixWildfireYWCA English Speaking Members

Department

pEAKBubba GumpCafe DecoJungle JuiceStarbucksThe Peak Lookout Restaurant

ADMIrALtY Dan Ryan'sGourmet CoffeeGrappa's RistoranteGreatIsland Shangri-La LAB ConceptMetropolitan CaféPret A MangerROKA Ruth ChrisStarbucks - Pacific PlaceThe British Council LibraryZELO Bar & Restaurant

WANCHAI 151 Gloucester Road Property

Management Academy for the Peforming ArtsAgaveAlliance FrancaiseAnglo-Chinese FloristArts CentreAssaggio Trattoria ItalianaBerlinerBig AppleBlue GooseCaffe Habitu - Fortis TowerCastello del VinoClassifiedCosmos BooksCoyote Bar & GrillDelaney'sDRAGONFLY @ NovotelDressedDymocks - Harbour CentreDymocks - Hopewell CentreEbeneezersFill in the BlankGrand Hyatt HotelHarbour Road caféHotel IndigoIAFTIsland Property Jack's Terrazza RistoranteJoe's Billards & BarMarriott Properties (International)

Ltd.MayaMaya Café MIX - Sun Hung Kai CentreOld China HandOliver's Super SandwichesOutback GrillOVO LimitedPaisano'sPizza Express - Wing Fung St.Pizza Express - J ResidencePomme

Quarterdeck ClubQuemo Slim’sSpring LearningStarbucks - Sun Hung Kai CentreStarbucks - Wanchai TowerStarbucks - Hopewell CentreStarbucks - MLC TowerStarbucks – Fortis TowerStarbucks - Great Eagle Centre Starbucks – W SquareStarCrestSubway - Brim 28TamarindThai Delight Resturant & BarThe Charterhouse Causeway BayThe DoghouseThe Flying PanThe HiveThe PawnThe Queen VictoriaThe Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club The TonnoThe WanchThe White StagTriple OVIM Pilates StudioXperienceYo mama

CAUSEWAY BAY18 GramsA La MaisonAgnes bAluminiumBrechts CircleBrunch Club & SupperBuddy Bar & CaféBurgeroomCafé CorridorCafé RivoliCitySuperClassified (Tai Hang)Crowne Plaza Hong KongDickens BarEdo & Bibo El Cid Spanish RestaurantEnglishtownFleur de Sel HABITU Ristorante the GardenHomeHoorayHotel Penningto Inn Side OutIsabella Bistro & BarIsland Seafood & OysterLanson PlaceLittle Burro Mackie KitchenMau I Business Centre - Eton

TowerMau I Business Centre - Radio CityMr. SteakOtto Restaurant & BarOutback SteakhousePage OneRougeSMLStarbucks - Causeway Bay Plaza 1Starbucks - Fashion WalkStarbucks - Hang Lung CentreStarbucks - Hysan PlaceStarbucks – Leighton RoadStarbucks - Times SquareStarbucks - Tin HauStarbucks – Tung Lo Wan RoadStarbucks - World Trade CentreStarbucks – Windsor House Unar Coffee CompanyWatson Wine CellarWired CaféW's Entrecote

HAppY vALLEYClassifiedHappy Valley Bar & GrillHong Kong Cricket ClubHong Kong Football ClubIl Bel PaeseJaspasMovielandPark N ShopSaint GermainStarbucksTacochacaThe ChapelThe Jockey

QUArrY BAY/tAIKooSHINGagnès b. le pain grilléCaffe HabituCrossroads CoffeeFitness First - PCCW TowerMr. Taco TruckOutback SteakhousePark N Shop Kornhill PlazaStarbucks - Hoi Kwong St.Starbucks - Kornhill PlazaStarbucks - Stanhope HouseThe News RoomYo bago

NortH poINt / fortrESS HILL Harbour Plaza North PointStarbucks - AIA TowerStarbucks - Multifield BldgStarbucks – Kerry CentreTea & Herb

SAI WAN HoBeira RioBerliner Soho EastJack's Terrazza RistoranteRioStarbucks – Eastern Hospital

poK fU LAMDelaney's PubPromptStarbucks - The Concourse,

CyberportStarbucks - Level 3, CyberportStarbucks - HKU LibraryStarbucks - HKUSUT Hotel

ApLEICHAU/ABErDEENAberdeen Marina ClubCafé PiattiFlex HKGCXMovie ExpressShambalaSiftStarbucks - Marina SquareStarbucks - One Island SouthTequila KolaTREE

rEpULSE BAY/ tAI tAM/ StANLEYBeachside BookstoreChez Patrick DeliEl Cid CaramarHong Kong International School

Library King Ludwig Beer HallLucy'sOcean bayPark N Shop ParkviewPickled PelicanPizza ExpressQuick & FreshSeafrontSmuggler's InnSpicesStarbucks – Stanley PlazaTasteThe American ClubThe Boat HouseWatson Wine CellarWildfireVictoria Recreation Club

tSIM SHA tSUIagnès b. café – k11agnès b. café – Harbour CityBarista CaffeBombay DreamsBricklaneBulldog's Bar & GrillBurger RepublicCaffe Habitu - ElementsCaffé Habitu - Miramar Shopping

CentreCaffé Habitu - The OneCarpaccio Pasta Pizza VinoCastro’sCitySuper Creama

CucinaDada Lounge Delaney'sDelicatessen CornerEastside TavernEaton HotelEbeneezer'sEl CidFandango Spanish RestaurantFat Angelo'sFatt's PlaceFinds Foot BuzzGateway ApartmentsGaylord Indian RestaurantGR8 Leisure ConceptsGrand Central Bar and Grill Greyhound CaféHarbourside RestaurantHotel IconJimmy's KitchenJoia RistoranteKowloon Cricket ClubKowloon Shangri-la Hotel & Deli

KoolLa Villa Restaurant & BarLangham Hotel Main Street DeliLobby Cafe - Sheraton HotelMega Hospitality IntlMes AmisMetrobooksMorgan StanleyNed Kelly's Last StandNiko and…NomadsOutback Steakhouse - Oterprise

SquareOutback Steakhouse - TST CentrePacific Club Page OnePapiPierside Bar, The Royal Pacific

Hotel and TowersPizza ExpressPJ Murphy's RA Restaurant & LoungeRegal Kowloon HotelRitz Carlton Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse Starbucks - Austin RoadStarbucks – China HK CityStarbucks - ElementsStarbucks - Empire CentreStarbucks - Gateway ArcadeStarbucks – Harbour Crystal CtrStarbucks – I SquareStarbucks – KnutsfordStarbucks - Mirror TowerStarbucks - Ocean TerminalStarbucks – Star Avenue Starbucks – Star HouseStarbucks - The Sun ArcadeStarbucks – TST Centre StormiesSwindon BooksTequila Jack'sThe DoghouseThe GrandThe Luxe Manor The Swiss ChaletThreeSixtyTiffany's New York Bar Triple OW HotelWeinstube WildfireWired CaféWooloomooloo

KoWLooN toNGAmaroni's Baptist University Student UnionCity University Student UnionDan Ryan'sForfarPage OnePark N Shop Pizza ExpressStarbucks – Festival WalkStarbucks – HKBU

HUNG HoMOutback SteakhouseStarbucks - MTR Hung HomStarbucks – Whampoa Site 5Waterfront Bar & Terrace

KoWLooN BAY/ KWUN toNGBespokeCaffe EssenzaCity HunterDressedEnglishtownOliver's Super Sandwiches Starbucks - KITECStarbucks - MegaboxStarbucks - Millenium City 1Starbucks – One KowloonStarbucks - Telford Plaza 1

JorDAN/YAU MA tEI/ MoNG KoK18 GramsBerliner - Olympian City 3Black N White DessertsBroadway Cinematheque ChopsticksEdible ArrangementsEnglishtown - Mong KokKona BayLa KaffaLangham Place HotelLangham Place Hotel Coffee ShopMadera HotelMes AmisMetrobooksPark N Shop Olympian CityRoyal Plaza HotelStarbucks - Liberte PlaceStarbucks - Gala Shopping MallStarbucks – Jordan Road Starbucks – Nathan HotelStarbucks - Olympian City 2

SHAtINCitysuper Courtyard by Marriott Sha TinGreen Café Starbucks - Fortune City OneStarbucks – YATATriple O's

SAI KUNGBaccoCC CaféChez les CopainsClassifiedColour Brown CoffeeDuke of York PubFirenzeHEBE ONE o ONEItaliano'sPark N Shop Clear Water BayPepperoni's PiccolosPizzeria La GondolaStarbucks

otHEr NEW tErrItorIESDiscovery ParkEnglishtown - Tsuen WanHong Kong Gold Coast (Mall and

Clubhouse)King's BellyPark N Shop Hong Lok YuenStarbucks - Tai Po MarketStarbucks - Tsuen Wan PlazaStarbucks – CitywalkStarbucks – Discovery Park

LANtAUBerliner German Bar & RestaurantCafé DuvetCaffe RitazzaDymocksMarriott SkycityPark N Shop Discovery BayStarbucks - CitygateStarbucks – Airport T1Starbucks – Airport T2

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To start your job search, register online at www.asiafashionjobs.com and sign up to receive jobs by email. Follow us on & ‘asiafashionjobs’

LOOKING FOR YOUR NEXT JOB IN FASHION?

www.asiafashionjobs.com

Located at the heart of Central, Emmanuel F. is HK’s first eco organic hair salon & spa concept. We offer motivating career plans & advancement opportunities in a high quality, professional & healthy workplace (no more chemical smells) to candidates interested in an innovative philosophy of the hairdressing & spa industry:

• Marketing & Communication Manager Minimum 3 years experience in a similar position. Fluency in written & spoken English (Cantonese or Mandarin is a plus). Proficiency in using MS Office. Dynamic & self-motivated.

• Hair Stylists Minimum 5 years experience. Open-minded, willing to learn. Free Lance Stylists are welcome.

• Stylists’ Assistants No experience required, we offer motivating salaries and in-house training. For interested candidates, training program to become Hairstylist is also provided.

Please send your resume to [email protected] or phone us at 2167 8280. For more information, visit our website: www.emmanuelf.com

A well-established Tai Po English Bar invites qualified and enthusiastic candidates to join us:

1. Waiter / Waitress (full Time / Part Time) Income: $9K to $11K (full Time) / up to $50 per hour (Part Time)

2. Bartender (full Time) Monthly income up to $13K

Applicants apply for the positions 1 & 2 must be fluent in spoken English.All above positions offered (except part-time): Paid Annual Leave, Staff Discount, Monthly Incentive, Discretionary Bonus, Career Opportunities, In-house Training Program.Interested candidates please send your full resume and expected salary to [email protected] or by fax at 2663-3307All information collected are for recruitment purposes only.

Junior EditorHK Magazine is looking to hire someone with: • Minimum two years experience in publishing

• Sub-editing experience

• Fluent English writing skills

• Web publishing experience

• The right to work in Hong Kong

• Chinese language ability a plus

Send applications to [email protected]

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Market PLACESMart JOBS


Interview tips: Company Research

• Do your research on the company, get the inside scoop on the company culture. Visit the company website and find out as much information about the company history, products and services.

• Use Linkedin! Here, you can find more information on the company along with new hires, promotions and statistics related to the company.

• Use Social Media! Facebook and Twitter are your friends. Become a fan of the company on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

Often you will find information here you would not find elsewhere.

• Google and Google News are great tools in finding more information about the company and what they are currently doing, search them both!

• Know their industry and their competitors. Find out as much as you can on their competitors and how they measure up to them.

A lot of times, it goes a long way when the interviewer can see that you have put time and effort into learning about their company. This shows initiative and the willingness to learn, these are often

the traits that a company is looking for when hiring new staff.

HK Helps!

We are one of the leading international F&B group with over 30 restaurants and bars in Hong Kong, Macau and Sydney. We are inviting energetic and reliable team members to join us : -

NoW HiRiNg! Service Kitchen LogisticAssistant Manager Head Pastry Chef 甜品大廚 DriverSupervisor Sous Chef 二廚 Bartender Senior Chef (Hot/ Cold) 高級廚師 (凍/ 熱) Server Pastry Chef 甜品廚師 Dishwasher 碗碟清潔員

*We provide competitive salary and benefits

*We need to you to be eligible to work in HK

Interested candidates, please call Ms. So at 2290-6640 or email to [email protected]. 有興趣的應徵者，請致電 2290-6640 與蘇小姐聯絡或電郵到 [email protected]。

All information received will be treated in strict confidence and only for employment related purpose. 所有收集的資料將被嚴格保密，並僅用於招聘用途。

www.cafedecogroup.com

Hair Salon Assistant The LRC Salon & Spa is seeking a friendly individual to fill the position of

Hair Salon Assistant

Responsibilities :

• Assist the Hair Stylists by performing basic duties including shampooing,

scalp massage, treatment application, cleaning duties and laundry

• Ensure that all clients are given the best possible service with special

attention to comfort and friendliness

• Adhere to salon policies and procedures to ensure operational efficiency

• Maintain the workstation clean, safe and organized

• Assist within the spa during quiet times

• Build and establish good customer relations

Requirements :

• Must be punctual, energetic, polite, well groomed with good

hygiene awareness

• Speak a good command of English

• Have an interest in the hair & beauty industry

• Immediately available preferred

Experience within the hair and beauty industry is a plus, but not essential,

as training will be given on the job. This is a self-employed position.

Interested parties please email your resume to

[email protected] or call us on 3199 3688.

The Ladies Recreation Club

Editorial intErnsHipHK Magazine Media ltd –publisher of HK Magazine, WHErE Hong Kong and the list, is looking for interns.Reckon you're a good writer? Prove it. Sign up for HK Magazine’s internship program.

You’ll get the chance to work closely with a team of editors, some great bylines, a bursting portfolio, and the chance to make plenty of contacts and get a foot in the door to Hong Kong’s media industry.

Send your CV, cover letter and a few writing samples to [email protected].

Please note that this is an unpaid position. Participants must be enrolled in tertiary education and have the right to work in Hong Kong. They should be willing to work regular office hours (Mon-Fri) for 8 weeks. Applicants with web, video and social media skills are especially encouraged to apply.

Interested parties, please send your materials to: [email protected]

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ET Troop is a dynamic F & B group with restaurants and bars in Causeway Bay & Central. We are looking for talents to join our expansion plan.

Restaurant Manager - Central>>> min. 5 years Japanese / Western Restaurant experienceRestaurant Supervisor x 2 - Central/ Causeway Bay >>> min. 3 years Japanese / Western Restaurant experienceHead Chef – Central>>> min. 8 years Ramen and Yakitori experienceChef x 2 - Central/ Causeway Bay>>> min. 2-3 years Japanese / Western experienceBartender x 2 – Central (Restaurant)/ Causeway Bay (Bar)Waiter/ Waitress (Full time) x 2 – CentralReceptionist (6pm-10pm) – Central (Restaurant)

**We welcome candidates from abroad with H.K. working permit to apply.For interested parties, please email your CV to [email protected] or call 3586 9318 for enquire. Website: www.et-troop.com.hk

Employee Benefits

√ Munificent Salary√ Performance Bonus√ Customer Tips√ Medical Insurance√ Annual Leave starting 12 days√ Birthday Leave√ Special Leave√ Labour Holiday


first PersonBACKUp

XKCDRANDALL MUNROE

Sringatin is the chairperson of the Indonesian Migrant Workers’ Union, which represents some 150,000 Indonesian maids in the city. The 34-year-old arrived in Hong Kong in 2002. After being abused by her employers and learning that others were suffering too, she took up the cause in 2004. She talks to Yannie Chan about her experiences and her complex relationship with Hong Kong.

I grew up in East Java, Indonesia. After graduating with a degree in finance and accounting, I tried finding a job for six months, but it was very difficult.

I worked in a serviced apartment [in Indonesia] as a maid for a year.

My stepmother didn’t support me when I tried to find a job as a migrant domestic worker. But I had already made up my mind.

Maybe this was the way I could save money and change my future.

the training center in Indonesia was a strange place. There were around 200 women.

they gave us a medical checkup, and then cut our hair. All the women looked like boys.

At 5am, we had to wake up. After 30 minutes of exercise, we cleaned everything in the training center, daily.

We were allowed to eat very little. We were each given a bowl of soup and one cracker or piece for tofu for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

My first employer complained to the agency that I didn’t mop well enough. But I tried my best. I even swiped the floor with my finger to test if it was clean. But in Hong Kong there are many cars, and the dust builds up really quickly.

they only gave me a day off once a month. My employer said she would deduct my salary if I had a holiday every week.

My agency turned a blind eye and warned me to be careful and not to lose the contract. I really wanted to go back home.

I was really depressed, because I was stuck inside an apartment for a month, and only got outside when I went to the market.

She didn’t allow me to do anything else, such as watch television. So when I finished my job, I just stood there.

I was very scared. If I lost my job, all the money I had saved up would need to be used to find a new employer.

When we ended the contract, the agency asked me to pay another $6,000. They were actually only allowed to charge 10 percent of of my salary, meaning roughly $300.

My second employer was great. I had my own room, and when I didn’t have to work, I could do anything I wanted.

She also supported my union activities. She taught me how to speak Cantonese. She forced me to read and corrected me when I was wrong. I think of her as a friend.

I don’t work for her anymore, but I still visit her from time to time.

My most memorable experience is joining the union’s training class and learning about the conditions of migrant workers. It was then that I really realized how foreign domestic helpers were treated unfairly.

for a very, very long time, I didn’t know that what I experienced qualified as abuse, and that I willingly gave up my rights.

When I understood the basics of human rights, I committed myself to fighting for the rights of migrant workers.

the situation for migrant domestic workers has not improved at all.

Look at how much we’re paid. During the financial crises in 1999 and 2003, the government cut our salary by $100 and $400, respectively. But even as the economy became better, our salary was raised by only $90-100 every few years.

our salary [works out to be] less than before. When I first got here, I still had some money left to buy things for myself after sending money back home. Things are now so expensive. I cannot afford any additional items.

We also have to live with our employers. Even if employers have agreed to let domestic workers stay elsewhere, the workers and not the employers are arrested when the police find out.

When I heard about Erwiana, I was very angry with the Hong Kong and the Indonesian governments and of course her employer.

there are many more cases of abuse. Some migrant workers have tried to kill themselves when they couldn’t handle being scolded by their employers every single day.

I don’t see Hong Kong as my home. It hasn’t been a happy place for me.

If I had a choice, I would not stay.

What I earn here is not enough for me to buy a piece of land, which costs around $100,000 in Indonesia.

My dream is to open my own business in Indonesia, something like a grocery store. But every time I return to Indonesia, I see my dream slipping away. In many villages, the market is dominated by big supermarkets.

I cannot guess when I will save up enough to return to Indonesia.

visit the Indonesian Migrant Workers Union at www.facebook.com/IMWUHK.

for a very, very long

time, I didn’t know that

what I experienced

qualified as abuse.

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