holiday guide 2013

Join us as we use science to peek

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andyes even wrapped

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We talk frequently about the magic of the holidaysthe preternatural wonder of gingerbread and wrapping paper that crinkles impossibly at the corners. But what of the science? What tools and technology do you employ when snooping through PResents under the tree [6]? And how do you create the illusions of SNow in a coastal California environment [12]? Whats the most responsible way to handle excess holiday WAste [16]? With a little botanical understanding, you

can prolong the life of your Christmas TRee [20]; better understand the wonder of THanksgivahhuh [33]; make the jump to the GElt standard [36]; count CAlories with Santa [38]; grow a BEard to rival Saint Nicks [45]; deep fry a mean TUrkey [51]; and fill your datebook to bursting with holiday EVents [56]. And, wrap your presents in free, original WRapping paper [15, 34, 42, 60, 68].

Ashley Schwellenbachmanaging editor

NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT HOLIDAY GUIDE 20134

PublishersBob RuckerAlex Zuniga

Executive EditorRyan Miller

Managing EditorAshley Schwellenbach

ContributorsMatt FountainRhys HeydenJono KinkadeAnna WeltnerErin Messer

Glen Starkey Lareina GamboaTally MyersTrever DiasRyan MillerAshley Schwellenbach

PhotographerSteve E. Miller

Wrapping PaperHeather WalterJenny Gosnell

Assistant Art DirectorHeather Walter

Editorial DesignJenny Gosnell

AdvertisingRhonda ODell Tracey Joyner Scuri Katy GrayNicole Dewey

Kevin IzukaKimberly Rosa

ProductionJenny GosnellDora MountainBrendan RoweLeni Letonjua

Periodic Table of contents

1010 Marsh Street,San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 (805) 546-8208New Times 2013

HOLIDAYGUIDE

Read the Holiday Guide online at newtimesslo.com and santamariasun.com.

6Np

Sn

No Peeking!

12Snow

Problem

16Re

Waste Not,

Want Not

20Tr

Cant See the Farm for the Trees

33Thanksgivi-kuh

Samech

36The Gelt Standard

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A Cookie Isnt Just a Cookie

45Be

The Beard

Doesnt Make the

Santa

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Calendar

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15Wrapping

Papers

Wp34

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New Times and The Sun present Holiday Guide 20136 NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

Gift-giving is all about surpriseotherwise, givers wouldnt spend all that time shopping on lunch breaks and in furtive secret evening missions, hiding their perfect finds in the backs of closets and under beds, and wrapping everything in patterned paper topped with a bow. But theres a certain subset of Christmas celebrators for whom the joy of the season comes in figuring out what exactly is inside that wrapped box before the big day. The thrill is in the deduction, informed by careful shaking of packages and clinical fondling of bulging stockings.

The problem with snoopers, though, is theyre seen as spoilsports. Ruiners. Grinches out to destroy the magical mystiqueand, thereby, happinessof a frosty Dec. 25 morning.

The key to peace in a home with one mystery preserver and one mystery solver is not necessarily for the latter to stop probing and guessing, but to ramp up the investigative efforts with a little help from technology for more accuracy. How does that make it better? Because: science.

So lets say theres a package under your tree. Its a typical, nondescript present: brightly wrapped, about the size of a toaster oven, ribbon sitting in a twisty pile on top. It could be anything that would fit into a box of that size, from an actual toaster oven to a neck pillow to a football to a steak knife set to a bulky sweater to a longish book series to a cleverly disguised fruitcake.

Remember: You cant tip off the gift giver to your effortsthat might land you on next years Naughty list.

What do you do?

6

No peeking!USE YOUR BRAINAND SOME HIGH-TECH SNOOPINGTO DISCOVER WHAT SANTA BROUGHT YOU (BEFORE YOURE SUPPOSED TO KNOW)

BY RYAN MILLER

No peeking!

INVESTIGATION continued on page 8

PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLERX-RAYS CONTRIBUTED

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New Times and The SuN present2013 Holiday Guide 7

New Times and The Sun present Holiday Guide 20138 Holiday Guide 20138 NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

Start with the basics. First, listen. If you hear scuttling or scratching, youre getting something alive. If its barking, its a puppy. Purring? Its a cat. But more on this later. Assuming you dont hear anything and are reasonably certain you wont injure anything that might be living in your present, some simple motions can tell you vital information. Tip it back and forth. If it feels like liquid sloshing around, you could be getting a bottle of wine or scotch. Well narrow that down eventually. Soft, quiet thumps indicate fabric, like a sweater. Solid clangs indicate more durable goods, but should also serve as a warning to not shake too vigorously. You dont want to damage a new toaster or iPad or something. At this point, you might be thinking, This is kid stuff. And youd be right. So. You could up your game slightly by sitting the present on your bathroom scale, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you should aim for precision. When given the hypothetical question of where to take a package for a good weighing, Brett R. Aum, chief deputy sealer of the San Luis Obispo County Department of Agriculture/Weights and Measure, suggested two possibilities. You may want to contact one of our local postal shipping businesses, such as The UPS Store, Fed Ex, Staples, or others, to see if they would help you, he wrote. These businesses are accustomed to weighing packages of the dimensions you describe and have appropriate scales that are tested and approved annually by weights and measures. Provided your package weighs less than 30 pounds, with permission, you could also use a deli scale at any grocery store, he continued. These scales are also tested annually by weights and measures. But weight alone isnt enough. About 20 pounds is about

20 pounds, no matter how you handle it, right? Wrong. Jodi Christiansen, an associate professor in Cal Polys Department of Physics, wrote: I heard about your whats inside a Christmas present story and immediately thought about a question I ask my intro students every quarter. Suppose you are living in space where everything is weightless. Does it hurt to kick a bowling ball? The idea is that the ball still has inertia. You can tell what a present weighs and how the mass is distributed by spinning it. A follow-up question to clarify whether a centrifuge would be necessary yielded this response: Youd have a hard time putting a present in the centrifuge!!! Also, the present would sink to the bottom and youd learn total mass, not how the mass is distributed. Spinning it on a frictionless surface would give you the inertia, which does depend on mass. Heres something fun to try in your kitchen, she continued, in full-on teacher mode. Actually, you really should try this!!! Dont take my word for it. Get a Campbells mushroom soup and a Campbells chicken broth and roll them downhill. Get a reasonably long board and set them side by side and let em roll. Which one goes faster? Then take the two cans and drop them on a bed or something soft that wont dent the cans. They land at exactly the same time. The drop is related to the mass and the roll is related to how the mass is distributed. Its not a small effect. In other words, different presents would spin differently, even if they weighed the same. Something sloshing around in a bottle will create a different wobble than a buckwheat husk pillow or a wall-mounted singing trout. You could create a chart comparing the mass distribution of various potential gift items to use when investigating your own presents, but enough with the physics. Time for chemistry. Nanine Van Draanen has been a chemistry professor at Cal Poly since 1996, and recently became the

department chair. She suggested making a little hole in the boxperhaps under the ribbons or bow, where it might go unnoticed by the giverand inserting a infrared spectrophotometer. That device will analyze any volatile gases in the package. Anything that if you leave it open, if you put a glass of it out on the countertop and it slowly disappears, thats volatile, she explained. You could also get a small sample of whatevers inside by scratching the surface to get tiny crumbs of plastic or whatever and analyzing that. If your earlier shaking, weighing, and spinning tests indicated that youre dealing with a bottle of liquid, and if youre talented enough to get a sample by punching through the box and a cork, you can determine whether youre getting red or white wine. Youre thwarted if its a screw cap, Van Draanen cautioned. Slightly less invasive would be punching a syringe into the package (again, select an unobtrusive corner or work under the to/from tag), grabbing a sample, heating it, and putting the resulting volatiles into a gas chromatograph mass spectrometer. If youre getting a fruitcake, that can tell you the ingredients. If you did a little [infrared spectroscopy] of whats in there, you could tell if there was rum in it, she said. The IR would be perfect for that. They have, in the past, used IR as one of the tools for DUI in the field. If youve got an eagle-eyed partner whod notice even a pinprick in the perfect wrapping job, you could try for a swipe test, similar to what security agents might use when looking for suspicious residue on luggage in an airport. Get

8

INVESTIGATION continued on page 10

INVESTIGATION from page 6

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New Times and The Sun present Holiday Guide 201310 Holiday Guide 201310 NEW TIMES AND THE SUN P R E S E N T HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

a little disc of cloth, rub down the outside of the present, and then put that smudge of evidence into a mass spectrometer. If your gift-giver handled the contents immediately before wrapping themand if those contents have a reasonable volatility and a reasonably small molecular weightyou can figure out whats inside.

Van Draanen considered a few other ideas (You wouldnt measure the ph of it. That would be kind of silly.) before admitting that if she were to be snooping, shed go straight to the device with the most peeking power: I would do an MRI. If I dont have access to an MRIwhew. Thats a hard problem.

So its time to take this up yet another notch. An employee at a Central Coast imaging outfit willing to trade theories on present speculation in exchange for anonymity listed her street cred first.

You wont believe the things Ive x-rayed, she said. Shes grabbed

images of the bones inside a frozen turkey

and scrutinized the innards of bee larvae, frogs,

apples, and rice. So lets go back to the

beginning again. Remember the first step of listening? Say you did hear snuffling and whining, and you wanted to find out exactly what youre getting. If it was a puppy, probably an ultrasound would be good, she explained. If you go that route, be warned: The transducer needs to be pressed firmly against whatever it is youre trying to peek inside via ultrasound, and that might leave a mark. Still, if youre willing to risk it, you could use an ultrasound to check out bottles of stuff, too, since sound waves easily pass through fluid. You couldnt tell the vintage or scrutinize

the label on some wine, but an x-ray might allow you to read anything written in a lead-based ink

though such a discovery might prompt serious concerns. If you suspect something inanimate and inorganic, youve got several choices to make. Anything metal, your best bet would be x-ray, she said. Am I getting a toaster? Or

am I getting a Bose radio? You could probably easily tell by x-raying it.

Basic knowledge of the various devices mechanical structuresgears, transistors, plates,

and the likewill certainly help in subsequent identification steps. MRIs can give detailed looks at internal surprises, but since the units look at water density, the gift would have to have some moisture to generate a reading. Still, that might be the best betassuming theres nothing in there for a magnet to latch onto. A teddy bear might work, Cal Polys Van Draanen said. There might be just enough water in there. It might be shadowy; it might not. Assuming your insurance isnt going to cover this sort of procedureand with the health-care debate raging these days, its best not to assume your plan includes Christmas present investigationsyou could be paying anywhere from $60 for an x-ray to $500 for an MRI, making this a very affordable means of ruining your own surprise without tipping your hand that you did so. Or you could just peek in closets and under the bed before the wrapping starts. Its free and easybut wheres the fun in that?

Executive Editor Ryan Miller likes surprisesbut is great at guessing. Send comments to [email protected].

10

INVESTIGATION from page 8

PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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Many of us remember A Christmas Storyhow can we forget it when its on a constant loop during the holidays?when little Ralphie peeks out his window on a Christmas morn to the sight of his street blanketed in fresh snowfall, almost as if Santa sprinkled it down himself. But if history and science tell us anything, snow-loving residents of San Luis Obispo County will have no such luck this year. It may seem like a no-brainer for Central Coast residents, but we reached out to local meteorologists anywaybe-cause we have space to fill, after allto find out exactly what it is about our area that keeps the skies clear and our driveways snow-free year-round. Luckily for us, two of the areas big names in weather were more than happy to lay it out for us. Dave Hovde, KSBY meteorologist and Shredders favorite man crush, explained that, simply put, the marine layers to blame for our lack of snow. We have the ocean here, obviously, and look at what the water temperatures are. It has such a huge influence on the worlds climate and its easy to forget that it covers some-thing like 71 percent of the globe, Hovde said. It takes getting a lot of factors just right for us to get a significant amount of snow here. You would have to have a cold mass in the region that was dominating. Even if it did really snow here, it wouldnt last very long, he added.

According to Hovde, the high-elevation inland areas of North San Luis Obispo County do get small amounts of snowfall every year, but not much. He said that while we do get cold systems and temperatures below freezing here, those conditions need cloud coverwhich would bring rainto create snow. Instead, our cold fronts typically oc-cur when skies are clearest. We tried to find out when the last measurable snowfall was in the central areas of SLO County. For this, we turned to Pacific Gas & Electrics man for all things weather-related, John Lindsey, who was nice enough to do most of the dig-ging for us. He turned to data collected by Cal Poly, which houses weather and climate records dating back to 1870. What did he find? Surprise, surprise: No measurable snowfall has ever been recorded in SLO Town (its classified as measurable when theres at least one-tenth of an inch on the ground). San Luis Obispowith its low elevation and mild tem-peratures because of the strong marine influence from the Pacific Oceanjust doesnt make a likely candidate for measurable snow, Lindsey wrote in an e-mail. However, over the years there have been reports of snow flurries in town along with some bone-chilling temperatures, but noth-ing that could be considered measurable snow. However, he said that back in January of 1882, Louis Pas-cal Dallidet, who lived at the Dallidet Adobe, wrote in his diary: I weeded the garden and put a few buckets full of water on the plants. It snowed a while in the morning, when

we got up, the hills were covered with snow. In other parts of the county, its another story, Lindsey said. For example, on Dec. 15, 1988, an intense storm from the eastern part of the Gulf of Alaska produced record amounts of snow in the North County (5 to 8 inches) and Santa Margarita (7 inches), he said. That day, SLO reported 1.25 inches of rain, sleet, and snow flurries with a low tem-perature of 35 degrees. Then, in December 1990, Lindsey said, a strong southerly flowing jet stream from Alaska moved an Arctic air mass from the western Canada Yukon express down the West Coast. There were reports of snowflakes in SLO and even Pismo Beach and Nipomo, on the night of Dec. 20, 1990, with overnight lows falling to the low 20s on the north side of the Cuesta Grade, according to the record. By Dec. 22, the winds at Diablo Canyon shifted out of the north-northeast with the temperature hitting the freezing point for the first time since Diablo Canyon started recording temperatures in 1976. Gary Ryan, who was a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Santa Maria, confirmed record-break-ing low temperatures Dec. 22 and Dec. 23, 1990. Atas-cadero reached an incredible 4 degrees while Templeton dipped to 9 degrees. SLO reached 17 degrees, and even the coastline was cold, with Morro Bay reaching 25 and Pismo coming in at 29 degrees. While the snowfall wreaked havoc on the community, the low temperature kept plumbers busy for days afterward repairing burst pipes and fixtures. In fact, many local hard-ware stores sold out of plastic and copper pipe and any-thing else to do with plumbing, Lindsey said. Most recently, an Arctic air mass with very little moisture had moved over the Central Coast from Canada on Jan. 13, 2007. The cold and dry air mass produced temperatures in the mid-20s into the 30s along our coastline and into the teens in the North County. A few days later, an upper-level low passed over our area and produced rain and snow

12

Snow problemLONGING FOR A CHRISTMAS OF WHITE? TOO BAD! YOU LIVE WHERE THE MARINE LAYER REIGNS, BUT LOCAL EVENTS PROMISE TO BRING THE CHILL FACTOR TO YOU INSTEAD BY MATT FOUNTAIN

SNOW continued on page 13

NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES San Luis Obispo County is known for its temperate weather year round, which might not be ideal for those longing for a white Christmas. But if youre curious why that isor how you can get around Mother Nature and feel the chillread on.

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flurries at Diablo Canyon. North of the Cuesta Grade, low-level cold air trapped in the valleys caused the rain to freeze on contact, a category of precipitation known as freezing rain. While no official snowfall has been re-corded in San Luis Obispo, Lindsey said, that doesnt necessarily mean it didnt happen. For weathermen like Hovdea Minne-sota nativethat rare chance of a quick flurry on the Central Coast is the kind of stuff that gets him especially stoked for the job. He recalls a couple occasions when the conditions he saw brought a chance of slight snowfall, and there he was, jump-ing in the van. Ive gone snow chasing around here before where we find a good spot, point the camera up and just hope, he said. Ive seen the pictures of Paso covered in snow in the 80s, and Im just waiting. Asked what his reaction would be if it suddenly snowed in SLO, he said the weatherman in him lives for those weird weather events. Snowfall is something magical be-cause its so rare here, he said. If it hap-pens, rest assured, Ill be there! News Editor Matt Fountain volunteers to turn your snow yellow. Send mittens to [email protected].

SNOW from page 12

There are local options for your ice and (fake) snow fix. In SLO, check out the ice rink at Winter Wonder SLO, held at the Madonna Expo Center Dec. 19 through Jan. 5. Looking for something in Santa Barbara County? Hit up YuleFest Solvang, this year featuring ice skating in Solvang Park. YuleTide at Tidelands park in Morro Bay (Dec. 15) is the place for custom-tapped beers and plenty of fake snow. Hanging out in North San Luis Obispo County? Blades on Ice in Atascadero has you covered with an Olympic-sized ice rink from mid-November until the end of March.

Satisfy your ice lust

The PhilosopherSunday, Jan. 26, 3 pm

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NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013When it comes to trash and recycling foibles around the holiday season, the people who manage your waste have seen it all. Tom Martin, general manager of San Luis Garbage: Oh gosh, with the pickup bins, it can get ridiculously piled high, like Oklahoma sideboards from The Grapes of Wrath. People think its going to work, but it doesnt.

John Ryan, facility manager at the Cold Canyon Processing Facility: We do get some really oddball stuff here. I dont know where people get the idea that Christmas lights are recyclable.

Bill Worrell, manager of SLO Integrated Waste Management Authority: It would be nice if people didnt put in the artificial trees, like the silver metallic ones. Those dont mulch very well.

Much like the country at large, the holiday season is the most colorful time of the year for SLO Countys garbage collectors and recyclers.

While there are a few perks of the job around the holidays (Christmas Day is the only day of the year when garbage collectors dont have to work), the waste-management community said the time between

Halloween and New Years Day can be a little more challenging than the rest of the year. Martin said that San Luis Garbage, which handles collection around the county, typically experiences a five percent uptick in the gross weight of their garbage and recycling around Thanksgiving, but Christmas and Halloween have a much more negligible effect. Just a lot of beer bottles from Cal Poly, pumpkins, and

16

WASTE continued on page 18

Waste not, want not

SLOS WASTE AND RECYCLING COMMUNITY SHARES SOME TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR HOLIDAY REFUSE

BY RHYS HEYDEN

THE ISLE OF MISFIT TRASH None of this is recyclable, a fact of which many holiday revelers seem to be unaware, given recycling facility workers observations of what comes down the line.

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

Waste not, want not


A Holiday Luncheon Celebration at theMadonna Inn, San Luis Obispo

December 5th, 201311:30 am - 1:30 pmCome hear about the great things CASA is doing in our

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Christmas trees, Martin said. By and large, nothing we cant handle.

Ryan, who manages the processing facility at Cold Canyona landfill and recycling center south of SLOsaid that the main way SLO County residents can improve their waste disposal is to be more conscientious.

Ryan said there are many itemswrapping paper, Christmas lights, Styrofoam, electronics, plastic toys, and plastic bags among themwhich many people blithely assume are recyclable, but are, in fact, not recyclable at all.

Every item that we have to pick off of the line or that causes a shutdown of the line is a real pain, and it makes us less efficient, Ryan said. We try to recycle as much as we can, but there are just certain things we dont want to see in the mix.

Ryan said that wrapping paper is probably the most frequent offender around the holiday season, because many people assume its just like regular paper.

However, Ryan explained that wrapping paper is chock full of embedded dyes and chemical retardants that render the paper nigh impossible to bleach or burn, and therefore worthless to paper mills.

Martin said that the profusion of new televisions and electronics around Christmastime causes

problems as well. People end up throwing out their old TVs in someones Dumpster, and then we have to take the time and pick out all the hazardous parts, Martin said. You cant just crush TVs. Martin and Ryan said that waste collectors will be making their regular rounds on every day

except for Christmas, and will even take special measures to pick up extra waste and Christmas trees. In years gone by, friendly SLO residents used to tip their waste collectors with liquid libations during the holiday season, but that practice has been discouraged since 2002, when a larger conglomerate acquired San Luis Garbage. We were getting 26-packs of beer and bottles of scotch, so it was getting a little ridiculous, Martin said. Brownies and soda are probably a better idea nowadays.

Staff Writer Rhys Heyden isnt compostable, even if hes wearing a tacky Christmas sweater. Contact him at [email protected].

WASTE from page 16


from Rosie Falcon-Shapiro, office assistant at ECOSLOElectricity use: Recycle old electronics instead of throwing them away. Also, use LED lights, which are more efficient than incandescent bulbs. And turn off your holiday lights at night!Transportation: People should carpool to holiday dinners and family events. You can also walk around to see the holiday lights, or climb up a mountain to see them instead of driving around.Wrapping: Use newspaper instead of gift-wrap or wrapping paper! When shipping or packaging, also use as little packaging as possible.Cooking: Make sure to have separate trash, recycle, and compost cans while youre cooking. When shopping, make sure to bring own bags, and go to a local farmers market for your food.Christmas trees: Make sure your tree is obtained from a sustainable method. Do your research. Trees that arent able to be replanted

in the same place after theyve been taken away and massed-produced trees are

big no-nos.

Five helpful holiday enviro-tips From ECOSLOWE DO GET

SOME REALLY ODDBALL STUFF HERE. I DONT KNOW WHERE PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE RECYCLABLE.

JOHN RYAN, COLD CANYON PROCESSING FACILITY MANAGER


Saturday, December 7, 20138 p.m. | Mission San Luis Obispo

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The Magic of the Holiday Season comes Alive Saturday Dec. 7 2 pm & 7 pmSunday Dec. 8 2 pm matineetickets $16-$32www.pacslo.org 756-4tixPerforming Arts Center SLO, Spanos Theatre

La BoutiqueFantasque (The Magic Toy Shop)Les Patineurs(The Skaters)

photo by Barry Goyette


Itsthe centerpiece of Christmas. Even the relics of con-sumerism rest below its breadth. Its where the lights twinkle, the ornaments hang, and the holiday spirit sleeps at night. And it can reach so high into the heavens that sometimes it has its own angel.

For centuries people have been flocking to or cutting down trees during holiday celebrations. Getting a tree is a bit of a tradition, a ritual that kicks off the Christmas season for many celebrants.

Here are some thoughts on getting a tree and some simple tips for keeping your tree happy and healthy over the remainder of the holiday season.

To tree or not to tree?Basically, there are three options: Go to one of the

few local surviving choose-and-cut Christmas tree farms; buy a pre-cut tree from a parking lot or a box store; or buy a fake tree designed for reuse. (Were not mentioning the no-tree-at-all option.)

Fake trees dont require much careexcept maybe

some dusting offso if thats your plan, this article may not be terribly useful. But before you turn the page, consider the following: There are two reasons you might consider a fake tree: First, to save time and money. You only buy one, and transport is relatively easy, as opposed to buying a tree every year and dealing with the associated time and transportation. Second, some might argue that a fake, reusable tree may be more environmental-ly friendly or sustainable. Others contend, however, that real trees are the more sustainable choice. They arent made in China out of polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and Santa knows what else, for one. They also wont become a burden for the landfill once they break or become out of style. And to a large extent, real trees are kind of a crop, grown in the United Stateswith the great majority grown in Oregon and the Pacific Northwest. Sure, some of the trees for sale were raised in a gigantic monoculture that requires heavy chemical

inputs like fertilizer, pesticides, and fungicides. Thats where the debate between real vs. fake may get com-plicated. That may also be a reason for buying a tree grown nearby, where farms arent usually as large and the purchase is supporting local agriculture. In order to get the best possible advice on how to care for a Christmas tree, we got off the Internet and went to the source: Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm in Atascadero. There, Fred Frank and his daughter and son-in-law, Auraly and Craig Dobbs, explained how to care for a tree. The experience here is not so much just getting a tree, but to get out and walk around and experience nature, Frank said. There are about 7,500 trees on the farm, which has been in the Frank family since the 1930s. The first Christmas trees were planted in the early 1960s. Among the thousands of trees they raise is a mix of evergreen varieties, including Douglas fir (their most popular seller), Monterey pine (a favorite among rut-ting young bucks), white fir, Colorado blue spruce, incense cedar, and Scots pine which, like its name, is among the toughest and longest lasting of ever-greens. The tree farm is a little slice of heaven, with crisp, still air; birds flying about; and deer rustling leaves as they traverse the hillsides. A creek runs on one side of the farm, where giant sycamores reach out above everything else. On the other side, swaths of oak savannah smatter the hillsides. Thats the other reason you might want to come and get your own tree: The farm, and the experience, rest within nature. People come from all over the placeincluding Santa Maria

20

TREES continued on page 23

Cant see the farm for the treesHOW TO KEEP YOUR TREES GREEN AND FRESH IN A LAND WITHOUT SNOW

BY JONO KINKADE

Cant see the farm for the trees

New Times and The Sun present2013 Holiday Guide 21NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

Itsthe centerpiece of Christmas. Even the relics of con-sumerism rest below its breadth. Its where the lights twinkle, the ornaments hang, and the holiday spirit sleeps at night. And it can reach so high into the heavens that sometimes it has its own angel.

For centuries people have been flocking to or cutting down trees during holiday celebrations. Getting a tree is a bit of a tradition, a ritual that kicks off the Christmas season for many celebrants.

Here are some thoughts on getting a tree and some simple tips for keeping your tree happy and healthy over the remainder of the holiday season.

To tree or not to tree?Basically, there are three options: Go to one of the

few local surviving choose-and-cut Christmas tree farms; buy a pre-cut tree from a parking lot or a box store; or buy a fake tree designed for reuse. (Were not mentioning the no-tree-at-all option.)

Fake trees dont require much careexcept maybe

some dusting offso if thats your plan, this article may not be terribly useful. But before you turn the page, consider the following: There are two reasons you might consider a fake tree: First, to save time and money. You only buy one, and transport is relatively easy, as opposed to buying a tree every year and dealing with the associated time and transportation. Second, some might argue that a fake, reusable tree may be more environmental-ly friendly or sustainable. Others contend, however, that real trees are the more sustainable choice. They arent made in China out of polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and Santa knows what else, for one. They also wont become a burden for the landfill once they break or become out of style. And to a large extent, real trees are kind of a crop, grown in the United Stateswith the great majority grown in Oregon and the Pacific Northwest. Sure, some of the trees for sale were raised in a gigantic monoculture that requires heavy chemical

inputs like fertilizer, pesticides, and fungicides. Thats where the debate between real vs. fake may get com-plicated. That may also be a reason for buying a tree grown nearby, where farms arent usually as large and the purchase is supporting local agriculture. In order to get the best possible advice on how to care for a Christmas tree, we got off the Internet and went to the source: Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm in Atascadero. There, Fred Frank and his daughter and son-in-law, Auraly and Craig Dobbs, explained how to care for a tree. The experience here is not so much just getting a tree, but to get out and walk around and experience nature, Frank said. There are about 7,500 trees on the farm, which has been in the Frank family since the 1930s. The first Christmas trees were planted in the early 1960s. Among the thousands of trees they raise is a mix of evergreen varieties, including Douglas fir (their most popular seller), Monterey pine (a favorite among rut-ting young bucks), white fir, Colorado blue spruce, incense cedar, and Scots pine which, like its name, is among the toughest and longest lasting of ever-greens. The tree farm is a little slice of heaven, with crisp, still air; birds flying about; and deer rustling leaves as they traverse the hillsides. A creek runs on one side of the farm, where giant sycamores reach out above everything else. On the other side, swaths of oak savannah smatter the hillsides. Thats the other reason you might want to come and get your own tree: The farm, and the experience, rest within nature. People come from all over the placeincluding Santa Maria

20


Cant see the farm for the treesHOW TO KEEP YOUR TREES GREEN AND FRESH IN A LAND WITHOUT SNOW

BY JONO KINKADE

Cant see the farm for the trees

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and Santa Barbara to get trees here, said Craig,

whose wife, Auraly, is the third generation of Franks to

manage the farm. They even play host to people who come

up from Los Angeles every year, including two families who have a

very particular routine. They come up here, they eat at In-

n-Out, they come to the farm, and they drive back, Dobbs said.

The tree of your hearts desire

When it comes to the kind of tree, there are plen-ty of choices. Among the firs, the pines, the cedars, and the redwoods, theres a wide array of colors, shapes, sizes, densities and so on. At Hidden Springs, the most popular is the Douglas fir, which is a pretty standard tree. Frank has tried to grow noble cedarsthe most popular


2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 23TREES from page 20

NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT

PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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THANK YOU to the Santa Maria

Town Center for providing the wonderful facility space; to Dr. and Mrs.

Ron Ng for the beauti ful holiday decor items; and to Macys for helping us

provide the gorgeous trees for our sponsors

to decorate!

ALTRUSA of Golden Valley (the Newest Breakfast Club) and World to You proudly presents...

Altrusa Internati onal of Golden ValleyShepard Eye Center

& Shepard Family TrustCOSTCO Wholesale of Santa Maria

Santa Maria Town CenterRed Wing Shoes

A White, White Christmas/Jackie Brunello

Kalfred Chun, D.D.S., Orthodonti csJuan Paci co Onti veros Educators

Kellie Ouellett e & Ann McDanielBoys & Girls Club of Santa Maria Valley

Starbucks Co ee CompanyDignity Health/Marian Medical

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Rodriguez, Sanchez, Murillo FamiliesGuille Nava & Kiyoshi SakuraiRoger Selken, Carol Haynes

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of all Christmas treesbut they dont survive in Atas-cadero. Some trees grow well there and others dont, as the ce-dars in question dont respond to a combination of weather, rain-fall patterns, and latitude thats much different from their native habitat. At Holloways Christmas Tree Farm in Nipomo, owner Carl Holloway raises thousands of trees and also carries the noble cedars for sale. Theres enough demand, says second-generation farmer Holloway, that he brings them in from the prized Christmas tree-growing region that rests on the south side of Mount St. Helens in Washington, where the volcanic soil and ideal habitat give the trees a beautiful greenish-blue color. Holloway still focuses on the farm side of the business, however, raising Christmas trees for the choose-and-cut market, and growing Monterey pine seedlings to sell to other growers, including Hidden Springs. The quality of noble cedars and other pre-cut trees hinges mostly on color, shape, and tip.

And for those of you who choose straight from

a farm, there a few more choices, like size and the aesthetic. And the fresh-cut farms are a salad bar of Christmas trees. The Holloways and Franks may be a bit bi-ased, of course, since theyre in the choose-and-cut tree business, but they also recognize that there are many circumstances that will send people to a pre-cut lot. People are busy these days, and may not want to drive to Atas-cadero or Nipomo. When buying a tree from a lot or a store, heres what to look for: The No. 1, most crucial factor is: Is it in water? Never buy a tree that isnt in water. Look for a place that dis-plays the trees in water. Be mindful, though, as some places will keep their stock in the back left out to dry, and just water those on the floor for sale. If a tree is losing its needles, drying

out, or is left out in the sun, keep walking.

As much as farmers like Holloway hate to say it, the best place to go for a pre-cut tree may be a larger store. There, they move the trees more quickly, and a quicker turnover usually means fresher trees. Transporting the tree can often dry it out, especially if its tied on top of the roof or tossed in the back of a truck, so heres another key to keep in mind: If its been out of water or was cut more than 30 minutes prior, the tree may seal itself off at the stump with sap, kind of like a scab. This can interfere with its ability to absorb water. So before placing it in the stand, cut about a half-inch up from the stumps end, at a straight, perpen-dicular line. Dont cut at an angle like you might with flowers or other plants, or cut away from the outsidesmost of the water is absorbed by the outer rings, so a flat cut is optimal. Next, consider how much water the stand holds. A tree consumes about a gallon of water a day, espe-cially when its first set up. At Hidden Springs the small-est stand they sell holds 10 quarts, or 2 1/2 gallons. Something smaller may be hard to keep up with. Either way, check on the tree and water it once a daymore often if its been particularly thirsty. As far as what exactly the tree is thirsty for, there are plenty of tricks hanging around the Internet that tout ways to keep the tree healthyespecially focused on preventing needles from droppingthat suggest any-thing from putting sugar in the water to adding Advil or Viagra. Some even recommend spraying the tree with hairspray. But as nature goes, theres nothing like good old-fashioned water, and plenty of it. Thats the key, Frank says. Dont ever let it dry out.


TREES from page 23

HOLIDAY GUIDE 201324

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If youre eager to get out and cut your own tree this holiday season, check out the major choose-and-cut tree farms in the area. Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm opens the day after Thanks-giving. Its at 3202 Monterey Road in Atascadero. More info: hiddensprings christmastreefarm.com. Holloways Christmas Tree Farm opens a little bit earliera week and a half before Thanksgivingfor those who celebrate Christmas early (a lot of military families frequent the farm during leave periods). Its at 561 South Oakglen Avenue in Nipomo. More info: hollowaysfarm.com. Burnett Family Christmas Tree Farm is at 1475 W. Hwy. 246 in Buellton. More info: 686-1490. G. P. Ranch Christmas Trees opens Nov. 26 on Batchelder Road (fol-low the signs once you get close) in Los Alamos. More info: 344-4605.

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In addition to water, the tree responds to heat in a less-than-favorable way. The tree does

know its winter, so the cooler you keep it the better. Try to avoid placing the tree

under such direct heat as heating vents, south-facing windows, and especially furnaces and fireplaces. When the seasons past and the tree is ready for retirement, check to see how your local waste com-pany prefers it be disposed of. In many cases, theres a window where you can leave it beside the trash bins and itll be swept up and taken to compost (more info can be harvested from the Integrat-ed Waste Management Authority).

Or consider cutting it up and putting it in the green waste. In either case, haulers ask that you remove all the ornaments, lights, and stands, none of which are chipper friendly.

Timeless? While the Christmas tree tradition may be here to stay, local, family-run, choose-and-cut tree farms may not be around forever. Its a tough business in a mod-ern world, say Christmas tree growers. Some point to climate change, or the challenges of raising a crop thats not always fit to the climate, or the headaches of new regulations. Its almost impossible now to grow anything in Cali-fornia and to make any money on competing with ev-erybody else, Holloway said. Agrarian traditions are also facing a changing world where the Christmas tree business is no exception to a global trend of younger generations fleeing the farm-ing life to other careers. Holloways son, seen in pic-tures throughout the farms website, has headed off to medical school. He grew up in the life of Christmas trees, he loves Christmas, but theres no money in Christmas trees, Dobbs said. Hes smarter than that. At Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm, Auraly and Craig Dobbs are staying put, but they also de-pend on day jobs. Whether their children choose to pursue the life is up in the air, Craig said. We have one kid who likes trees, he admitted, and one kid who likes money.

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NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 27TREES from page 24

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Have you conceived of something so magnifi-cent as the Menurkey? A (more than) successfully funded Kickstarter proj-ect by New Yorker Anthony Weintraub, the Menurkey is a menorah in the shape of a turkey: nine feathers, nine candles. It was actually conceived of and de-signed by Weintraubs 9-year-old son, Asher. The Menurkey is just one of the ways American Jews are celebrating this years uncommon intersection of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah. The eight-day celebra-tion of Hanukkah starts this year on Thursday, Nov. 28, the same day as Thanksgiving. Depending on how you look at it, this overlap may never happen again. Lauren Bandari, executive director of the Jewish Community Center of San Luis Obispo, discovered the anomaly when syncing her Hebrew and Gregorian calendars in late summer, around the same time many American Jews began noticing the overlap as well. The Jewish calendars are usually distributed at the end of the Jewish New Year, which is in Septem-ber, Bandari explained, so there was excitement around it. Its unusually early. There are multiple schools of thought about the uniqueness of this occurrence. Last January, Jewish blogger Jonathan Mizrahi did some serious number-crunching to this effect, and the results of his calcula-tions got the American Jewish community talking. Thanksgiving occurs on the fourth Thursday of No-vember, making Nov. 28 the latest date upon which Thanksgiving can occur. This date is also the earli-est on which Hanukkah can occur, Mizrahi pointed out. The Hebrew calendar re-peats every seven years, and the Gregorian calendar every 19. All other things being equal, the holidays

should overlap approximately every 7-times-19 yearsor 133 years. (In fact, the last time the two overlapped was in 1888although this would have been before President Roosevelt changed the date of Thanksgiving from the last Thursday in November to the fourth Thurs-day in November.) But the overlap happens far less frequently than every 133 years, due to the gradual drift of the Hebrew year through the Gregorian one, at a rate of approxi-mately four days every 1,000 years. Thus, Nov. 29 will become the earliest possible date on which Hanukkah can occur. The next time Hanukkah falls on Nov. 28 will be in 2146but this will be a Monday. Barring any modifications to the Hebrew calen-dar, it will continue advancing forward in the Grego-rian calendar at an approximate rate of one day every 250 years, until it completes a full revolution. The next time Hanukkah falls on Thursday, Nov. 28, will be in the year 79811. By that time, who knows whether our planet will still be habitablelet alone if we will still be celebrating Hanukkah and Thanksgiving? But the overlap of the two holidays is far more than just a chance to solve word problems that inevita-bly lead us to the end of the world as we know it. Its also a chance for reflection on what the two holidays have in common. I know for me personally this year, it makes me

think about Thanksgiving on a much deeper level than I probably have in years past, Bandari said. It re-minds me of what the pilgrims did stand for which was finding religious freedom and practicing how they wanted to practice I touch into the story of Hanuk-kah, which is about the Maccabees practicing the way they wanted to practice. It brings out the common denominator, said Rab-bi Chaim Hilel, of the Jewish organization Chabad of San Luis Obispo. Hilel described the two overlapping holidays as a symbol of religious freedom and a triumph of the American spirit. In the spirit of both occasions, he said, Chabad plans to build a canorah or menorah out of canned food, which will later be donated to the food bank. During the eight nights of Hanukkah, the Jewish Community Center holds a public menorah lighting in downtown San Luis Obispos Mission Plaza every year. The first night is followed by a Hanukkah party with traditional food and games at the nearby San Luis Obispo Museum of Art. This year, Bandari said, the JCC plans to put a Thanksgiving spin on traditional Ha-nukkah dishes, offering cranberry-filled sufganyot, or doughnuts, and mock chopped liver in the shape of a turkey, the latter courtesy of chef Brenda Hock. In addition to the usual Hanukkah decorations, Bandari added, Well add this year some Thanksgiv-ing kitsch, some paper turkeys or pilgrim hats. WellI cant use the word ham it up, not really kosherbut,

you know, well turkey it up for this years Ha-nukkah party.

Arts Editor Anna Weltner says, Challah! Challah

back at [email protected].

NEW TIMES AND THE SUN PRESENT2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 33

Thanksgivi-kuh sameach!ONCE IN AN ETERNITY (OR AT LEAST ONCE IN A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME), THANKSGIVING AND HANUKKAH COLLIDE BY ANNA WELTNER

Thanksgivi-kuh sameach!

ILLUSTRATION BY HEATHER WALTER


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