how i met your mother spec script - the runners … i met your mother spec script - the runners...
TRANSCRIPT
How I Met Your Mother Spec Script -
The Runners Craze
By
Josh DeRamus
JOSH DERAMUS - HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SPEC SCRIPT
ACT 1
COLD OPENING
Camera opens up on Ted’s two kids sitting on the
couch. They look tired, and begrudgeingly ready for another
one of Ted’s stories.
TED (VOICE OVER)
Kids, did I ever tell you about the
time that it seemed like everyone
in New York City latched onto the
fitness craze wave? Well it seemed
like any other summer in New York
at first...
SCENE 1: MCLARENS
Camera opens up on everyone minus Ted sitting at their
normal spot in McLarens. They look like they’re all arguing
about something, when Ted mopes into the scene.
He pulls up a chair and sits down
TED
(Interrupting everyone else)
I don’t care what you say, but this
summer is just like any other
summer in New York...it sucks!
BARNEY
(smirking)
I was just thinking that last
night...
MARSHALL
(sidelong look towards
Barney. Obviously distracted
by his conversation with Lily)
Well...TED, why don’t you tell us
all about your bad day, because
none of us here are busy or
anything. (He raises up his right
hand with a wrist splint on it)
All this time, Robin has been looking distracted. She has
looked anywhere but the conversation that has been going on
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
TED
Well...
SCENE 2: STREETS OF NEWYORK
We see Ted walking down the street. Bustling activity going
on around him. Rain had just ended, the weather is clearing
up, and people are starting to come out in droves. We first
see small groups of people in jogging/running suits, and the
numbers steadily increase.
TED
(This is voiced over. In the
shot, we see him whistling)
I was walking along the side
walk. I decided that I wanted to
get out and walk around because I
had been stuck inside all day from
the rain.
Ted walks to the crosswalk and is waiting for a chance to
walk across the street. In front of him is a giant
puddle. We see a bus drive by, and almost intentionally,
run through the puddle, splashing Ted.
TED
Whaa...
We see Ted shaking himself off because he is now
soaked. While doing this, another car, a taxi, drives by
and again splashes him.
TED
(Exasperated)
Son of a...
While he is wringing himself out after the second splash, a
guy on a bicycle rides through the puddle, and the smallest
amount of water jumps up and gets on Ted’s shoes. As the
bicycle rides off, we hear a little bell ring twice.
TED
(raising his hands in defeat)
Three times!! Who gets splashed
three times!
3.
SCENE 3: MCLARENS
Everyone is laughing at Ted’s story.
MARSHALL
It sounds like you were overtaken
with a wave of fun!
Laughter
MARSHALL
Ted, your day was nothing. Lily
here decided that she needed to go
out and run, so she drug me along
with her
LILY
(exasperated)
You volunteered!
BARNEY
(Looking towards Robin,
raising his hand for a high
five)
Volunteer high five!
ROBIN
(still distracted)
uh...huh?
MARSHALL
Let me tell you about it Ted.
SCENE 4: MARSHALL AND LILY’S
Marshall is sitting on his couch eating cheese balls,
flipping the channels on the TV. Lily walks into the room
decked out from head to toe in a running suit.
LILY
Marshall! Get up off the couch and
take a look at your woman!
MARSHALL
(distracted by the cheese
balls and TV)
Uh...later babe
LILY
(She seductively walks in
front of the tv)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
LILY (cont’d)
But baby, I want you to look at the
outfit I got us for when we go run
later!
MARSHALL
(looking at Lily astonished)
Us? We? Running?
LILY
Yeah, you know how I’ve been eating
so much lately, I decided that I
wanted to be proactive and starting
running to avoid looking like I’m
preggers!
SCENE 6: MCLARENS
The camera cuts to a collective cringe from everyone sitting
at the table. It cuts to a facial of Barney, jaw dropped,
just shaking his head in disgust. Even Robin looks a bit
disgusted but also still distracted
SCENE 7: MARSHALL AND LILY’S
MARSHALL
(shaking his head in disgust)
Ew! Don’t say that word. Anyways,
babe, I don’t think you’ve been
eating too much.
LILY
Oh really? Do you remember last
week when you caught me in the
kitchen stuffing my face?
It cuts to a flashback of Marshall walking into their
kitchen sratching his belly and he sees Lily scarfing down
cookies and ice cream, looking thoroughly satisfied.
LILY
Or what about two days ago when you
opened the door on me while I was
in the bathroom eating the Chinese
noodles?
Another flashback of Marshall walking in on Lily in the
bathroom. She is sitting on the toilet eating a big thing
of Chinese noodles. Marshall is taken aback, disgusted, and
runs out of the shot.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
LILY
I think its time we go
running! (seductively) I even got
you a matching suit!
SCENE 8: MCLARENS
BARNEY
The last time a girl told me she
wanted me in a matching suit, it
was when she was naked!
(self-righteous) Oh yeahhh!
Cuts to Ted nodding his head in approval.
SCENE 9: STREETS OF NEW YORK
Marshall and Lily are out jogging with each other. Marshall
is wearing a matching running suit. Lily looks super happy
while Marshall looks a little distracted.
The camera angle changes, and it pans along Marshall and
Lily while running. Again Lily looks happy, but Marshall
looks like he is fighting off constant attacks.
It cuts to a frontward shot. Marshall finally gets fed up
and is about to say something, when he trips over a pile of
newspapers and goes to plant and hurts himself.
SCENE 10: MCLARENS
MARSHALL
(Again lifting up his wrist)
And that was how I ended up wearing
this! Its all because LILY
(looking at Lily) couldn’t control
herself when we were running!
The camera angle changes quickly to a frontward shot of Lily
LILY
Oh no you didn’t! You tripped over
those newspapers on your own!
Camera angle changes again to a shot with Marshall and Lily
both in it.
MARSHALL
You forced me into them with your
kicking and punching!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
Camera angle changes to the shot on the side of the table
that has everyone included in the shot.
TED
(A little awkward looking)
Well...okay, sounds like you two
have some issues you that you need
to resolve. (He looks towards
Robin) So...uh, Robin. Are you
okay?
ROBIN
(Looking up finally and
’waking up’)
Oh, yeah. I’ve just been thinking
about stuff.
TED
Like what?
ROBIN
Well, you know that new job at
World Wide News I got. Well they
have a new opening for one of their
lead anchor positions and I was
thinking about auditioning for it.
LILY
Oh Robin! You should, you would be
perfect for it!
MARSHALL
Yeah!
TED
Yeah!
BARNEY
Yeah!
ROBIN
Well, I walked into the audition
room...
SCENE 11: WWN AUDITION ROOM
We see Robin walking into the WWN audition room. There is a
long bench with a lot of pretty young girls auditioning. We
see Robin sitting down awkwardly on the bench comparing
herself to all of them.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
ROBIN
(Overdubbed)
And the first thing I noticed was
all the other girls looked super
fit!
We see Robin look down at the calves of the women
waiting. There is a quick snap/zoom on a calf, the camera
then cuts to Robin eyes widening, almost disgusted.
ROBIN
(again overdubbed)
I saw this girl’s calf and I knew
instantly that I was going to be
overlooked becasue all these girls
were young and they all looked like
they had runners legs.
SCENE 12: MCLARENS
Camera set back where you can see everyone (classic HIMYM
camera angle.
TED
(excited/satisfied(?))
Those are the best!
ROBIN
I know! So for the past couple of
hours I’ve just been thinking about
whether or not I need to start
running. And then Marshall and
Lily’s story got me thinking that I
SHOULD run.
LILY
Oh Robin! We can run together!
MARSHALL
NOooooooo! Robin, don’t listen to
her! She may be cute in her running
suit, but she is dangerous.
LILY
Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t
know what he is talking about.
ROBIN
(Looking at Marshall)
Lily, I think I will take you up on
that offer! Lets run tomorrow!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
BARNEY
(scoffing)
You people and working
out. (Running his hands down the
length of his shown body, showing
it off) This, is all nat-ur-al.
ACT 2
SCENE 15: TED’S APARTMENT
We see Ted walking around in his apartment picking up a
bit. But the longer he goes at it, the more out of shape he
feels. He walks into this bathroom, lifts up his shirt and
exams his gut. He turns to the side, does the ’woman
looking at her pregnant belly stance.’
TED
(overdubbed)
Man! I really should get in
shape. I look like I may be
pregnant! Ted, its your turn to do
the work.
SCENE 16: CENTRAL PARK
Ted is out in Central Park running by himself. There are
tons of other runners around him, but they’re ignoring him.
He stops, and jogs in place. He looks at his watch (cut to
an overhead showing the time of the watch) and nods, because
he is making good time. Cuts to him running back into the
super sweety and out of breath. There is a pond behind
him. He looks back down at his watch (again, overhead of
the watch. One minute has passed) Ted is astounded
TED
(out of breath)
What...the...heck. I hate this!
A guy on a bicycle runs into the shot. The bike is making a
bee-line for Ted, who is bent over huffing. Ted looks up
and sees the bike and freaks out. The biker runs into him,
and pushes Ted into the pond that is behind him.
BIKER
Yoozers man! I’m sorry I ran into
you just now.
The biker picks Ted up out of the water.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
TED
(Looking down at himself)
What the heck man! (looks up at the
guy) Barney!
SCENE 17: TED’S HOUSE
We see Ted and Barney sitting on the couch. Ted is nursing
his left ankle, and Barney is standing to the side, holding
a scotch.
TED
Barney, what were you doing out
there?
BARNEY
Well...uh(scratching head)...you
see, Ted, after all that talk
yesterday about working out and
fitness, you guys got me thinking
that maybe I should work out
too. You konw, maybe get more in
shpae so that I can sang the
ladies.
TED
What ladies? I thought you and
nora were back together.
BARNEY
Oh yeah...Nora (shrugs)
TED
What does that mean?
BARNEY
Haha, oh nothing. I meant
Nora. You know, after being a lady
killer for so long its hard to go
back.
SCENE 18: OUTSIDE/STREETS OF NY
Robin and Lily are out running. Lily looks a little
rediculous in her running outfit, while Robin actually looks
like she fits in. they are running amongst all the other
runners in NY.
Lily again, looks like she is totally satisfied, but Robin
looks like she is fending off attacks from somewhere.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
ROBIN
(While running...so huffing)
Lily, you just punched me!
LILY
(In bliss)
Robin, you’re crazy! Isn’t this
just wonderful?
ROBIN
Not when you just kicked me too!
LILY
(In bliss)
There is no way...I’m not doing
anything different than what you’re
doing.
ROBIN
(Lily just punched her again)
LILY! You just punched me again!
LILY
Robin, you’re craz...
Lily shoves Robin into a trash can before she can finsih her
sentence.
SCENE 20: MARSHALL AND LILY’S
The door opens and Lily walks in, almost carrying
Robin. Robin is holding her arm, nursing it. Marshall is
sitting on the couch, wrist splint is gone, and he is eating
cheese balls. He looks up and sees Lily and Robin walking
in, and jumps up in excitement.
MARSHALL
Ah ha! I knew it! Did she do that
do you Robin?
LILY
I did not!
ROBING
(Looking at Lily, and then
back to Marshall)
Yes, she pushed me into a trashcan!
LILY
Why are you both attacking me?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
MARSHALL/ROBIN
(together)
You attacked us!
MARSHALL
Baby, do you not realize what you
were doing when we were running?
SCENE 21: FLASHBACK TO MARSHALL AND LILY RUNNING
We see Marshall and Lily running again. This time however,
we see the attacks from Lily that Marshall was fending
off. It is really exagerated and over the top.
MARSHALL
(overdubbed)
When we were running, every step of
the way you either kicked or
punched me.
SCENE 22: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT
Marshall, Lily, and Robin are standing around in the
apartment. Marshall and Robin are both looking at Lily
trying to explain to her what is going on.
LILY
(looking at Marshall, sad)
But babe...
ROBIN
And that is exctly what you did
with me!
SCENE 23: FLASHBACK TO LILY AND ROBIN RUNNING
We have a frontward shot of Lily and Robin running down the
street. In this shot we see Lily punch and kicking at Robin
while she is talking. There is not voice this time, just
music. Robin is defending herself from Lily’s onslaught.
ROBIN
(overdubbed)
I didn’t want to leave you, but it
was as if every step you took you
were beating me.
12.
SCENE 24: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT
Again, everyone is standing. Lily has her hand by her side,
expressionless, defeated look. Robin is holding her
arm. Marshall has picked back up his container of chees
ball (cheetos) and is eating them again.
Lily sits down on the couch as she realizes that they’re
speaking the truth.
LILY
I didn’t know...
The door opens and Ted and Barney come runing in. They see
the mess that is going on in the living room.
BARNEY
It looks we have a bunch of
sour-pusses in here.
TED
You guys have to listen to this
story! I was out running today and
guess who ran into me on their
bike.
ROBIN
Oh, I don’t know...the woman of
your dreams?
MARSHALL
Sandra from Wesleyan?
TED/BARNEY/ROBIN
(together)
Who?
LILY
(Looking at Ted)
You don’t remember Saundra?
TED
(confused)
Uh...no, should I?
MARSHALL
I mean, she was all you went on
about.
13.
SCENE 25: FLASHBACK TO TED’S DORMROOM
Marshall and Lily are sitting on the floor ’eating
sandwhiches’ when Ted busts in.
TED
(this is college Ted, so his
young, excited voice)
Dudes! You guys know that gym
class that is required of all of us
to take, right? Well...there was
this girl Saundra who I just so
happened to run into while we were
running on the track.
MARSHALL
(high, looks at the air like
he is thinking)
Saundra...Saundra...Saundra.
LILY
(also high)
Do we know a Saundra Marshmallow?
MARSHALL/LILY
(they both laugh because at
Lily’s petname)
MARSHALL
Marshmallow!
TED
(not laughing at the joke, and
plowing through his
excitement)
Well, this Saundra girl, she is
really into running, and I think I
want to join her on this five k
that she is doing. She is like the
most perfect girl ever.
MARSHALL
(laughing, still high)
You? 5k?
LILY
(also laughing, still high)
Ted, you couldn’t run a 5k even if
there thirty sandwhiches at the end
of it waiting on you.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
MARSHALL
(perked up at the announcement
of more sandwhiches)
Where are thirty sandwhiches?
LILY
No...we don’t have thirty
sandwhiches...
MARSHALL
Oh...hahahaha
SCENE 26: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT
Lily is still sitting on the couch, but she looks a little
less defeated after that story. Marshall has moved closer
to Lily. Robin is sitting in a seat, with Barney standing
to the right of her. Ted is still standing near the open
door, looking confused.
MARSHALL
Do you remember Saundra now?
TED
I mean...maybe. But, no, Saundra
didn’t run into me. Barney did!
BARNEY
(shaking his head)
Oh here he goes...
TED
I was running...
ROBIN
(cutting him off)
You running?!
TED
Yes me, running. I was running in
Central park when Barney ran over
me with his bicycle.
ROBIN
(She looks at Barney)
What were you doing riding a
bicycle?
BARNEY
Well...Nora wants to do this bike
race thing, and I thought maybe I
could do it with her. So I was out
riding, trying to get the rust off.
15.
SCENE 27: CENTRAL PARK
We see a dirty over the shoulder of a guy sitting on a
bench. Barney rides his bike into the shot. He is visably
wobbling on the bike and struggling. A little girl rides by
on a bike, she is riding a very girly bike. She rings her
bell and laughs at Barney.
BARNEY
(stopping on his bike, and
raising his hand in anger)
Hey! Watch where you’re
going! Not all of us had dad’s to
hold our hands and teach us how to
ride a bike!
The camera angle changes again, so its behind Barney. We
see Barney get set again on his bike and then he wobbles off
towards a doubled over person in front of a pond.
BARNEY
WATCH OUT!! I CAN’T STOP THIS DAMN
THING!
From behind, we see Barney run into Ted and then Ted falling
into the water.
ACT 3
SCENE 28: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT - THEIR BEDROOM
We see Marshall and Lily sitting on their bed. Marshall is
consoling Lily, who is slowly coming around to the fact that
she hurts people.
The camera starts with both in the center of the shot.
MARSHALL
Babe, we didn’t mean to hurt your
feelings. We just wanted you to
know that you were hurting us.
LILY
I thought you were just swatting
away the bugs babe. I’m soo sorry.
MARSHALL
(feeling sorry for her, and
smiling)
Do you honestly think that aside
from a few instances that you’ve
been eating a lot?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
The camera angle changes to a dirty of Lily, over Marshall’s
shoulder.
LILY
(looking down)
Well...(feeling her stomach)I can
defintely feel it. I just wanted
to stay on top of things and not
get a pooch belly.
Camera angle shifts to the same type of shot, except dirty
of Marshall.
MARSHALL
(smiling)
Ha, you would be cute even with a
pooch belly. It would be my pooch
belly.
Camera angle change to then both being in the center of the
shot.
LILY
Well, you already have a pooch
belly. (slying looking at
Marshall) Don’t think I haven’t
noticed all the cheese ball cheetos
you’ve been eating lately.
MARSHALL
I don’t know. For some reason I
just started eating a lot more when
I saw you eating a lot. I couldn’t
let you eat for two if there was
only one of you.
LILY
Oh baby! You don’t know how much
that just turned me on. I love
you!
MARSHALL
(leaning in to kiss Lily)
And I love you.
The two of them begin to kiss on their bed. The camera pans
up.
17.
SCENE 29: TED’S APARTMENT
Its later that same day. Ted, Robin, and Barney are just
lounging around in the living room. Almost as if they’re
veging out.
ROBIN
Ted, why would you ever think that
you would be able to actually
become a runner?
TED
Well, I heard everyone else talking
about all their lofty goals for why
they wanted to get in shape, and
after I saw the belly I was
developing, I thought that I needed
to get in on it too. I mean, it
didn’t help that all you have to do
is look out the window and see
hundreds of people out running
around.
The three of them get up and walk over the window to look
out of it. The camera follows them from the stationary
position it was in. Once they get to the window, the shot
cuts to a low angle, forward shot of the three of them
crammed into the window.
BARNEY
Yeah, this is one of the weirdest
thigns I’ve ever seen. Its like
they all think they can get laid by
running and wearing suits.
BARNEY (CONT.’D)
(looking at ted, grinning)
Its almost like we could running
suit up and walk into a bar and
have our pick of ladies!
TED
(grinning at Barney)
Thats not a bad idea...(while
saying this, he looks at a frowning
Robin)
The shot changes back to the stationary forward shot with
the three of them making their way back from the window to
the couches.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
ROBIN
(rubbing her arm)
It was definitely a bad idea to go
running with Lily.
BARNEY
Ha! Robin, if you think you need to
go run to compete with those young
bimbo’s...you shouldn’t rethink
that!
Camera cuts to a facial of Robin. She is glaring in
Barney’s direction. The camera angle changes to a shot of
just barney in his chair. He is sitting on the edge of it.
BARNEY (CONT.’D)
(feeling chastised)
You should rethink that! You don’t
need to become a runner to compete
with those girls. You’re perfect
as you are.
The camera changes to a shot of just Ted and Barney.
TED
(to Robin)
Yeah, if anything, you should run
because you WANT to run.
BARNEY
(relaxing into his chair)
Yeah, what Ted said.
Camera changes back to a shot of the three of them.
ROBIN
(thinking)
You guys make a good point.
(excited)I can defintely get that
job how I am. I mean, I am Robin
Scherbatsky. (coming back down)But
Ted, I mean what about you...don’t
you think you should listen to your
own advice?
TED
Honestly, I thought about it
about. This is just like that time
we all joined the gym
together. I’m too lazy to keep up
with this. What ever lofty reason
I had in my mind isn’t enough to
make me want to keep up with
running, its too hard.
19.
OUTRO
SCENE 30: MCLAREN’S
Camera is in the normal spot, which has all five of them
sitting in the center of the shot. They are all sitting
around laughing.
BARNEY
I can’t believe you guys. I mean
Ted, You looked like the stupidest
guy out there, all doubled over
after two minutes of running.
TED
(A little buzzed)
Yeah, I did look a little dumb,
didn’t I?
The camera changes angles so that its a shot of just
Marshall and Lily.
MARSHALL
(leaning in)
Hey! Ask me if I’m going to go
running with Lily again.
Camera cuts to a frontward shot of Robin
ROBIN
Are you?
Camera moves back to the shot of Marshall and Lily
MARSHALL
Hell...(he looks down towards the
pout on Lily’s face)...maybe. Only
if she makes it worth my time.
We see Lily grin, slyly. The camera then readjusts to the
base shot, where all five are in the center. All of the
sudden a bunch of people run into McLarens. They are all
jumping and shouting, obvious excitement. The camera angle
changes so that it is a dirty over the shoulder of the
bartender. One person leans on the counter, looking at the
bartender.
STRANGER 1
(loudly to the bartender)
Hey did you hear about that 5k that
is going on?
We see the bartender shake his head.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
STRANGER 1(CONT.’D)
Yeah, the winner gets one hundred
THOUSAND dollars.
In the background, we see the main characters perk up and
all look towards the bar.
STRANGER 1(CONT.’D)
Yeah, some group named SVEN is
apparently hosting. They decided
they had too much
money. Crazy! Signups are in
Central Park.
The camera angle changes back to the standard one, with all
five in the center of the shot. They all look at each
other, and quickly they jump up and run out the door.
COLD CLOSE
Camera is centered on Ted’s two kids sitting on a couch
looking towards the camera. They both look mildly
entertained.
TED
(voice over)
Now kids, that race wasn’t exactly
the most fun thing I ever did. But
it was during this race, that I did
at least get to see the behind of
your mother because it just so
happened she was running in front
of me the whole time. But, I’ll
save that story for another time.