how much longer can i do

this?

© Akujixxv 2015

Trying to carve out your own spaces and come into your own seems to be the ultimate insult to parental figures for some reason. Especially living in a house hold that felt that you didnt "deserve?" personal space because it wasnt your home/didnt pay bills etc. An how this thinking and reinforcement subconsciously taught me that i wasnt my own person and certain people could invade my space because of self proclaimed importance due to titles. An it seems as if the biggest surprise to parental figures that believe this is how fierce their children become at demanding their own space, living their lives for themselves and how they want too. this always brings me back to the quote "freedom is not given, you have to take it". 

“FREEDOM IS NOT GIVEN, YOU HAVE TO TAKE

IT”

the internets off again, my wacom pen broke, and im on my period. i want to know why living is so exhausting and why coffee doesn’t help. tomorrow i will have to leave the comfort/safety of my home and wait for the bus, get on , sit down, and pray i don’t trip or do something equally embarrassing. Hopefully there will be a different bus driver who doesn’t flirt with me and doesnt make my 15 min bus ride seem so long. on my way home i will pass the thrift shop that i tell myself i will visit some day but never do, crawl in the house, then sleep. i think i will start writing poetry again.

routines……

i didnt leave the house.

“pool side”

“art students”

1. “Dragons”-Princess Nokia

Songs for when things seem to heavy

2. “Lullaby ft. Soft Glas”- Chargaux

3. “9”- Willow Smith ft Sza

4. “Z” album- Sza

5. “cosmic haunt”-Girl Valley (girlvalley.bandcamp)

6. “7/12/1994”- ikea-graveyard(yourbruise.bandcamp)

i want to be a better artist, i want to experiment and push boundaries but something is keeping me from doing so, it could be fear, idk. sometimes i think about giving up creating.

money is also a barrier, i want to make short films, go around photographing locations , write books, and create poems but i dont have the money nor the time so i dont.

“avocado princess”

i don’t take many pictures of myself and the older i get im starting to regret it. documentation is very important. it tells you where you’ve been, how far you’ve come, and if you fell off track somewhere. besides all that good stuff, i just don’t like my face very much. i don’t think it’s the worse though, id give it a 5.

ive been experimenting more with my work and im liking the results . my wacom pen started working again and im so glad because i really didn’t have the money to get another one right now, i barely have enough money for food. i cant shake the feeling that im always being ignored or over looked when i go out. over all things are getting better, im getting better.

GO HARDFOR YOUR

OWN PROJECTS

!