how to communicate through distress
TRANSCRIPT
2/22/19
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
How to Communicate
through Distress
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Top Five Human Needs andEmotional Indicators of Distress
Five Human Needs
IntakeHydration, nourishment, meds
Energy Flowtired or revved up
directed inward or outward
OutputUrine, feces, sweat, saliva, tears
Comfort4 Fs and 4 Ss
PAIN Free!!!Physical, emotional, spiritual
Five Expressions of Emotional Distress
Angryirritated – angry – furious
Saddissatisfied – sad – hopeless
Lonelysolitary – lonely – abandoned/trapped
Scaredanxious – scared – terrified
Lacking Purposedisengaged – bored – useless
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Scale of Emotional States –THREAT Amygdala - Distress
Low – Amygdala ActiveAlert
Medium – Amygdala Stressedat Risk
High – Amygdala in ControlEndangered
IrritatedBothered
AngryFrustrated
FuriousEnraged
Dissatisfied Blue
SadUnhappy
DevastatedHopeless
Missing it – Not getting itMissing freedom/control
Lonely – DisconnectedConfined/restricted
Abandoned – IsolatedImprisoned
NervousAnxious
ScaredWorried
TerrifiedPanicked
DisengagedAntsy
Bored Roaming
Useless –PurposelessFrantic
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To Communicate When Someone is DISTRESSED:
First - Connect!Then - Use Supportive CommunicationFinally - Move together to NEW
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
To Connect When Someone is Distressed:Send a visual signal of connection:
-Look concerned
Send a verbal signal of connection:
-Use the right tone of voice
Send a physical signal of connection:
-Give light hand squeeze or sandwich the hand
-Offer an open palm on their shoulder or back
-Offer a hug if the person is seeking more contact
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
What is Supportive
Communication?
• Repeat a few of their words with a
question at the end
• Avoid confrontational questions
• Use just a few words
• Go slow
• Use examples
• Fill in the blanks
• LISTEN, then offer empathy:
“Sounds like…” or “Seems like…” or “Looks like…”
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Once You’re Connected and Communicating:Move FORWARD• ADD new words• MOVE to a new place or
location• Add a NEW Activity
Early Stage: Redirection• Same subject, different
focus
Later Stage: Distraction• Different subject,
unrelated BUT enjoyed
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
If You Don’t Know Why They’re Upset:Be a Detective, not a Judge!Try to figure out WHAT is being communicated:
• Words• Thoughts• Actions• Needs• Beliefs
DON’T assume or presumeDON’T discount the message because of HOW
it is delivered
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Top TEN ‘UNMET NEEDS’!
Unmet Physical NeedsHungry or ThirstyTired or Over-energizedElimination – need to/didDiscomfort – not right for me• Temperature, texture, fit, senses
IN PAIN!!!• Joints - skeleton• Inside systems (head, chest, gut,
output)• Creases or folds & skin• Surfaces that contact other
surfaces
Unmet Emotional NeedsAngry
Sad
Lonely
Scared
BORED
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Five Ways to Say
�I Am Sorry!�
- I’m sorry, I was trying to help
- I’m sorry I made you feel (emotion: angry,
irritated, frustrated, sad, isolated….)
- I’m sorry I made you feel (intellectual
capacity or relationship unequal: like a
child, stupid, like an idiot…)
- I’m sorry that happened, it shouldn’t have
- I’m sorry, this is HARD!
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
INTENTI'm sorry I was trying
to help
EMOTIONI'm sorry I made you
angry
INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY
I'm sorry, I had no right to
make you feel that way
THAT HAPPENED
I'm sorry, it should NOT
have happened
THIS IS HARD
I'm sorry, this is hard, I
hate it for you
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Do:• Go with the flow• Use Supportive Communication techniques• Use objects and the environment as cues• Apologize• Use gestures and pointing• Acknowledge and accept their emotions• Use empathy and validation• Use familiar phrases or known interests• Respect values and beliefs• Avoid speaking negatively
© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
Don’t:• Try to control the flow• Correct for reality orientation • Tell BIG lies• Correct their errors• Reject topics• Try to distract UNTIL you are well connected• Use negative visual cues
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© Teepa Snow, Positive Approach, LLC – to be reused only with permission.
For ALL Communication:If what you are trying is not working:StopBack offThink it through
Then re-approach and try something slightly different!
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