Whatever  You  Call  it..  

•  Perhaps  you  call  it  “uncertainty”,  or  maybe  you  pass  the  moment  off  because  it  “just  doesn't  seem  right”.  However  you  jus?fy  it  though,  it  is  one  or  another  form  of  fear  that  is  presen?ng  itself  and  stopping  you.  

•  It  could  be  the  worry  about  what  other  people  might  think.  It  may  be  concern  about  looking  stupid  or  making  a  mistake.  Or  it  could  be  fear  of  rejec?on.  AEer  all,  you're  not  holding  back  because  you're  worried  people  will  accept  you  with  open  arms  are  you?  

What  Exactly  Is  Fear?    •  Fear  is  your  emo?onal  response  to  a  situa?on  that  is  

happening  or  that  you  imagine  might  happen.  It's  a  personal  response:  aEer  all,  if  two  people  are  in  the  exact  same  situa?on  only  one  may  experience  fear.  Fear  can  also  be  associated  with  the  prehistoric  part  of  your  brain,  such  that  when  it  takes  over,  your  fight  or  flight  response  is  triggered.  

•  Most  things  you  fear  in  everyday  life  are  not  really  life  threatening  at  all,  but  this  makes  liOle  difference  to  the  prehistoric  part  of  your  brain.  Whether  the  fear  is  triggered  when  you  are  asked  to  stand  up  and  do  a  presenta?on,  or  when  speaking  to  someone  you  don't  know,  or  doing  something  genuinely  dangerous,  it's  all  the  same  to  your  prehistoric  mind.  

Let  go  of  your  fear  !    

•  A  really  good  exercise  you  can  do  right  now  is  to  score  the  level  of  fear  you  currently  experience  in  different  situa?ons.  

•   Once  you've  established  a  baseline,  you  can  measure  your  progress  when  you  next  take  ac?on  regardless  of  the  fear  or  undertake  exercises  to  reduce  that  fear.  

Mindset  –  The  Biggest  Barrier    

•  The  biggest  poten?al  barrier  to  successful  communica?on  is  you  and  your  mindset.  The  meaning  you  aOach  to  the  responses  you  get  will  have  a  huge  bearing  on  how  you  build  your  communica?on  skills.    

•  You  may  have  heard  it  said  that  it's  not  what  happens  to  you  in  life  –  it's  the  meaning  that  you  aOach  to  it.  

The  curse  of  ge5ng  started..    •  Hesita?on  kills  spontaneity  and  spontaneity  is  

your  friend.  Your  inner  cri?c  will  try  and  stop  you,  but  when  you  see  an  opportunity  to  start  a  new  conversa?on  just  go  for  it.  Put  aside  the  urge  to  cri?que  your  opening  lines.    

•  Just  come  out  with  it,  straight  away,  within  the  first  few  seconds.  If  you  over-­‐think  it,  it  won't  seem  natural  to  you  or  the  person  you're  connec?ng  with.  

•  If  you're  in  a  restaurant  or  coffee  shop,  the  best  moment  to  connect  with  the  person  next  to  you  is  the  very  moment  you  sit  down.  Use  that  moment  to  start  your  conversa?on.  

•   Moving  into  someone's  physical  space  creates  a  natural  window.  It  works  because  generally  you're  aware  when  people  move  into  and  out  of  your  space.  Think  about  the  last  ?me  it  happened  to  you.  You  probably  briefly  disengaged  with  what  you  were  doing  to  review  your  surroundings.  

Physical:  Ge5ng  Their  A=en>on    

•  In  any  situa?on,  once  you  have  the  idea  or  inclina?on  to  speak  to  someone  you  should  do  so  immediately  or  within  five  seconds.  Otherwise  doubts  and  inner  talk  can  start  to  put  you  off.  

Types  of  Opening  Statements    

•  The  first  thing  that  is  said  in  any  communica?on  is  called  the  opening.  There  are  a  number  of  different  ways  to  open  a  conversa?on:  

•  →  Situa?onal  •  →  Observa?onal    •  →  Opinion/advice  

Situa>onal  Opening  

•  A  situa?onal  opening  is  where  you  say  something  based  on  the  situa?on  that  you  and  the  other  person  are  both  in:  at  a  spor?ng  event;  at  a  business  seminar;  at  a  party.  You  open  with  something  that  relates  to  your  current  shared  experience.  

Observa>onal  Opening  •  An  observa?onal  opening  is  also  based  on  shared  experience  –  this  ?me,  of  an  event  or  incident.  It  could  be  something  you  are  doing,  wearing  or  something  in  the  shared  environment.    

•  For  instance,  let's  say  you've  just  gone  into  a  shop  and  outside  there  was  an  argument  going  on  between  two  people.  An  observa?onal  statement  could  be  along  the  lines  of  “Did  you  see  those  two  out  there?  It  was  ge_ng  preOy  fran?c.”  

Opinion  Opening..    

•  OEen  an  opinion  opening  is  best  started  by  saying  something  along  the  lines  of,  “Excuse  me,  could  I  get  a  quick  opinion  on  something,  please?”    

•  The  trick  here  is  to  flow  straight  into  the  opinion  you  are  looking  for  without  wai>ng  for  them  to  respond.    

Meet  Them  Where  They  Are!    

•  This  means  you  meet  them  where  they  are  and  include  a  statement  about  what  they  are  currently  doing  in  your  opening  comment.    

•  On  a  subconscious  level  this  basically  makes  the  conversa?on  or  communica?on  more  relevant,  and  real,  because  the  other  person  agrees  exactly  with  what  you  said.    

Finally..    

•  Make  it  Easier  for  People  to  Understand  What  You're  Saying  

•  A  LiOle  Recogni?on  and  Apprecia?on  Goes  a  Long  Way  

•  Are  You  Really  Listening?  The  person  you  are  talking  to  wants  to  know  that  you  are  really  listening  and  engaged  with  what  they  are  telling  you.    

DON’T  WAIT..