how to host an eye gazing party

8/3/2019 How to Host an Eye Gazing Party

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How to Host an Eye Gazing Party

By Michael Ellsberg, founder ofwww.EyeGazingParties.com

Question: What is a free, fun, easy way to meet lots of new people, learn moreabout eye contact than you could imagine, and help others have a profound, moving

experience?

Answer: Organize and host your own Eye Gazing Party!

Since 2005, Ive hosted my own Eye Gazing Parties, and have been featured in

major media around the globe as Ive done them (see www.eyegazingparties.com). Now,

Im busy promoting my book about eye contact, The Power of Eye Contact, coming out

from HarperCollins in April 2010, so Im not going to be hosting them much myself

anymore.

Instead, I am sending out this guide for free, to encourage YOU to use the concept

to spread Eye Gazing Parties to YOUR own community. Feel free to charge for the

parties or notyou can keep all the money for yourself. Teaching others how to host

these parties is my offering to the world and Im not expecting any money out of it. (All I

ask isId appreciate it if you would credit me as the originator of the concept, and link

to www.eyegazingparties.com in your promotional material/sites/announcements about

your party.)

And when you do organize one, email [email protected] and Ill

announce your party on our blog!

One more thingbecause Im so busy with the book, I unfortunately wont be

available to answer specific questions on how to host Eye Gazing Parties. Ive tried to


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make this guide as comprehensive as possible. If anything is not clear, I invite you to use

your creativity and come up with the answer/solution that works best for you. Get

creative and inventiveI know youve got everything you need within you to make your

Eye Gazing Party great.

Step 1: Select the Format

If you think you want to host your own Eye Gazing Party, you should first think

about a few key questions that will determine what your party is like and how you go

about organizing it:

For Your Friends Only, or Open to the Public

Do you want to host a small, intimate Eye Gazing Party for your immediate social

circle, or a larger event that is publicized more widely, open to friends and strangers

alike?

Free or Money-Making

The first several eye gazing parties I held were free. I figured, the idea was so

foreign to people, just getting to show up was hoping for a lot! So I decided not to add

any financial disincentives to attending.

Later, I did charge for the parties, usually $10 or $15. After paying for space

rentals and snacks, I was often left with only $100 for having organized and hosted the

party. Given that I would often put twenty hours or more into organizing one party, if I

was doing it just for the money, I would have been better off just flipping burgers.


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Seriously, I dont think hosting an Eye Gazing Party to make money makes sense,

hour-for-hour. Do it to build community, to make new friends, to learn about eye contact,

to help people have deep experiences of their ownbut if youre in it for the money, Id

just take a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart instead: youll make about as much money

on an hourly basis!

But, if you want to charge, go ahead, I wont stop you!

Dating or Friendship

Is the purpose of your party to help singles meet each other (as most of my EyeGazing Parties have been), or to create general fellowship and friendship among a group?

This has a huge impact on the format of the party, and who will show up. Most of

my parties have been for hetero singles in their twenties and thirties, which draws a

crowd typical of the urban hetero singles scene. (To my knowledge, there have yet to be

any gay or lesbian Eye Gazing Parties, but I hope some readers will take the lead!) These

parties involve gazing only into the eyes of people of the opposite sex. For many straight

men in particular, this is a bottom-line, price-of-admission pointmost hetero guys are

not interested in nor open to gazing into another mans eyes.

However, at various personal growth events and workshops, I have lead non-

dating eye gazing parties, where everyone gazes with everyonemen with women,

women with women, and men with menin the spirit of connection, community-

building, and togetherness. It is beautiful to experiencebut not surprisingly, the

market for this kind of experience is limited to the most open-minded and un-self-

conscious.


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Once you have thought about these questions, you can go about organizing the

party. The main things to think about, pre-party, are venue, and getting the word out.

Step 2: Choose a Venue

Now its time to choose a venue for your party.

What type of venue you select for the party depends a lot on your answers to

some of the questions above. If you want to host an Eye Gazing Party for 10-15 of your

friends, then your living room will do just fine. If you want to invite the public, I wouldrecommend against doing in your living room, for obvious reasons. And if you want to

have more than about fifteen people, Id recommend finding a larger venue, unless you

are blessed with a huge living room!

If you decide to host the party outside of your home, you have several options for

securing space:

A Bar or Club

When I was planning the first-ever Eye Gazing Party, I walked down Second

Avenue in the East Village of New York City, stopping at various bars to see if they

would host it for free. The pitch was always the same:

Im hosting a singles event called Eye Gazing Parties, sort of like speed dating,

but its all based on eye contact. I want to bring in twenty to thirty drink-hungry singles

early on an off night, say six or seven P.M. on a Monday or Tuesday night. Would you

have a space we could use for a few hours?


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Without missing a beat, four bars in a row offered me a private party room to use

for these purposes. Think of it from their perspective. How else are they going to get

thirty thirsty singles through their doors at 6 P.M. on a Monday night? Its a bonanza for

them. One of the bars even offered to shut the entire bar down to the public and turn the

whole night into a private party space for us!

Here are a few important considerations to keep in mind when hunting around for

a bar or club space:

1. Absolutely, positively, the space must be private to your event. Whether its a

private backroom to the bar, or the whole bar is shut down to the public for your benefit,you do NOT want random people walking through the space. Eye gazing is already a

vulnerable thing for people to do doing. Its all the more difficult if there are a bunch of

random spectators and gawkers in the room. Everyone in the room except the bartender

and the organizers should be participating in the eye gazing themselves.

2. You want a space with a good sound system. Music is an important part of the

gazing experience, and also eases some of the initial nervousness and tension in the room.

(See Appendix for suggestions on gazing music.)

Ideally, the space also has a mic. If the crowd is above twenty or so people, giving

instructions without a mic becomes less and less effective (although it can be done.) If the

space has a mic input but no mic, you can buy a basic mic and cable over the Internet for

under thirty dollars.

3. The more hip or trendy the bar is, the more likely youll be able to get lots of

people the party. If its a choice between that trendy bar that always has the line outside


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of it and the beautiful people packed inside, and your local neighborhood sports pub, take

the former.

4. The space should have room for at least twenty. That means that, for a hetero

singles Eye Gazing Party, each person would gaze with ten people in the night. Any less

feels too small.

How much is too big? The second Eye Gazing Party ever had about seventy

people. Obviously, not everyone gazed with everyone. Theres a trade-off involved. It

was exhilarating to have so many people gazing in the same room, and the after-gazing

mingling was incredible.But a lot of people said they would have liked to be able to gaze with everyone,

even if that meant a smaller party. Its up to you. The bigger the party, the more exciting

it is, but anywhere beyond thirty people total and people are not going to be able to gaze

with everyone in attendance. My own view is, the bigger the better. If you dont get to

gaze with someone you wanted to meet, then walk up to him or her after the gazing and

say hi! Its still better that he or she was there and you get a chance to meetif it was a

smaller party he or she might not have been there at all.

A Yoga Studio, Dance Center or Workshop Space

If a bar or club really isnt your scene, or if youre having trouble locating a

suitable one, there are other options available to you.

Yoga or dance studios, for example, are often very open to hosting any kind of

events that have a spiritual flavor to them. They are of course more open to renting the

space out after hours, when the studio is no longer in use for regular classes. Theyll be


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happy at the idea of 20-30 new people walking through their doors and learning about

their space and their offerings.

They will probably charge for the use of their space, but often the charge is quite

reasonable, say $25 an hour. If you go three hours, thats $75, which can easily be

recouped from modest entry fees ($5-$10) from the participants. Sometimes, they will

also list your event on their official schedule and their website, and/or send a notice about

your event out to their list, which can easily double attendance in one swoop. These types

of spaces also usually have great sound systems.

Another factor to think about with yoga and dance studios is drinks. Ive foundthat having drinks available noticeably improves the party, for the obvious reason that a

drink or two calms the nerves and makes gazing a lot less fearful, but also because drinks

in general add to the social atmosphere of the event, and the bar area serves as a great

mingling spot before and after the gazing.

Yoga and dance studios are often quite polarized on this issue. With some, the

owners started the studio in the first place because they wanted to create an atmosphere

of fun and bonding, and they see how drinks at a party fosters that atmosphere. Some,

howeverparticularly yoga proprietorsare extremely high-minded on this issue and

would get offended if you even dared suggest that wine or beer be brought onto their

hallowed ground.

So tread delicately on this issue. However, if possible, having wine and beer for

sale, or given away free as part of admission (to comply with local liquor licensing laws),

can noticeably increase the openness and joviality of the event.


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Space Donated By a Church, College, Workplace, or Other Organization Youre

Affiliated With

Finally, if you are a member of a university or church community, you probably

have access to tons of free or low-cost meeting space. Talk to the event coordinator, and

tell them youre creating an event that will foster community within your group. They

will almost certainly be interested in helping out. Its even possible that your workplace

will donate space for a small gathering after hours. With these options, of course, alcohol

becomes problematic, but hey, Rumi and Shams didnt need drinks while they were

gazing, so neither do we!

Layout

You have several options for the space layout of the event. Make sure the space

you select has room for the option that you like best. (Or, in reverse, you choose the

space layout based on what works with the venue youve already chosen.)

The options are:

1. Two rows

This works best for hetero singles parties, where people are pairing up for the

gazes man/woman, with no same-sex pairings.

Simply align two rows of chairsor one row of tables with chairs/benches on

either side. Men get on one side, women on the other. Usually, the men move down one

position after each gaze, and one man moves to the front of the line when he gets to the

end.


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If you have an imbalance in gendersmore men than women or vice versathen

a few of the overrepresented gender will have to sit and not gaze during each session. Id

encourage them to sit where they are and not leave their place in the line, otherwise it

becomes totally disorganized. Anyone can sit quietly and listen to music for a turn or

two!

2. The Snake

This format works well for general community-building events, in which

everyone gazes with everyone (men, women, it doesnt matter!). It also works for same-

sex dating events.Have people stand or sit in two circles. The outer circle faces in, and the inner

circle faces out, so people are facing each other. (You can also arrange chairs this way

beforehand.)

People in the outer circle move one position to the right after each gaze.

When you have two circles, though, theres a problem: no one gets to gaze with

their fellow party-mates in the same circle theyre in, only the people in the other circle.

So to solve this problem, were going to add one twist to the layout. This is where

The Snake comes in.

One person from the entire group will volunteer to be the switcher. After

everyone from the outer circle rotates 1 position to the right, this person (whether he or

she is on the inside or outside circle) switches positions with his or her partner, so she

now has the same partner, but they are each in the opposite circle as before.

This is the only person who switches circles each time, and he or she does so after

every gaze. This way, whenever you get to the switcher (and ONLY then) you get to


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switch which circle youre in as well, and thus youll get to gaze with everyone, in both

circles. So does the switcher. Voila!

3. Free-For-All

This works well if you have a huge number of people relative to the amount of

space (or chairs) you have, if you dont know beforehand how many people are coming,

if there are going to be people coming and going in the middle, if you dont want to

bother with RSVPs or guests lists, or if theres a large discrepancy between the genders at

a hetero singles event.Basically, like it sounds, its a free-for-all. Everyone is in a crowd, and pairs up

standing. Once theyre paired up, they can remain standing, or sit down on the floor (if

the floor is at all nice, not if its a nasty bar floor though! . After each gaze, they find a

new partner within the crowdno lines, no rows, no circles. Free for all!

This format can work welland its a lot of fun. Youll need to be sure to keep

control of people talking in-between the gazes. Constantly remind people to remain silent

as they find a new partner, otherwise it will turn into complete chaos.

Any of these layout formats can work wellit all depends on how much space

you have, how many seats you have, how many people are coming, the vibe you want to

create, etc. Choose a layout that works best for your situation, and experiment for

yourself as well. With some trial and error and some creativity youll figure out which

format works best for you.


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Step 3: Choosing a Date and Time

Hand in hand with choosing a space goes choosing a date and time. Theres no

point in securing a great space if they dont have any convenient dates and times

available for the next six months!

Ive found that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights work best, for two

reasons. One, these are the off nights that venues such as bars and clubs are mostly

likely to let you use their space for free. Second, its actually easier to get people to come

out on these nights rather than other nights.

Why? Because for most people, an Eye Gazing Party is an unproven proposition.They really dont know what to expect. Most people dont want to gamble their precious

weekend nights on something that, as far as they know, could be a total dud. (Of course,

we know that the party will rock, but were looking at if from the strangers perspective

here.) Just getting them to come to something as whacked-out as a party where you stare

into strangers eyes is enough to ask of them; asking them to also devote a weekend

night, when there are ten other sure things they could go to, may be hoping for too much.

So, I recommend against holding Eye Gazing Parties on Friday and Saturday

nights, and also the unofficial weekend night of Thursdays. Sundays are great, because

they still feel somewhat like a weekend night, but really they arent, and Ive found

people are willing to gamble a bit with their Sunday nights. However, a lot of bars and

clubs dont view Sunday nights as off-nights, so you might have a harder time getting the

space.


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But hey, dont let me discourage you from trying to hold an Eye Gazing Party on

a weekend night. If you try it and it works brilliantly, let me know and Ill need to adjust

my opinion on this point.

Ive also experimented a lot with start times. Ive found that 7:00 PM is an ideal

start time. Any earlier and people dont have enough time to get there from work and

grab a bite beforehand. But the whole party goes about three and a half hours (more on

the precise time flow of the party below), so any later and it starts to feel late for

weeknight (at least for working adults.)

Whatever night you choose, it should be 2-3 weeks out from the present date. Anyearlier and it will be too short notice and no one will come. Any farther out and people

will forget about it and youll lose momentum.

Step 4: The Invitation

Here comes the fun part!

Deciding on whom to invite, and where to promote, will depend a lot on how big

you want the party, whether you want strangers, whether you are doing a dating/singles

Eye Gazing Party, or a general community-building party where everyone will gaze with

everyone.

The first place to start, obviously, is your immediate social circle. Usually by

sending out an email to all your friends, and encouraging them to invite their friends, you

can get 20-30 people right away, which is plenty for a great eye gazing party. (For the

first Eye Gazing Party ever, in December 2005, I sent an invite out to ten or fifteen


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friends, encouraging them to invite their friends, and we ended up with twenty-three

people, which is a great amount.)

Ive had many drafts of emails Ive sent out, but heres the one Ive found works

the best (references to me and my site are of course optional, but I do appreciate the

shout-out!). This is for a singles-oriented party. Obviously, change age and gender where

to tailor it to whatever demographic youre going for:

Eye Gazing PartyDate, TimePlaceFor single women and men in their 20s and 30s

$10

"New York's hottest dating trend" --Elle Magazine

The eyes are the window into the soul, so it's a lot easier to have a

mesmerizing conversation with someone new after you've spent two minutes

looking into his or her eyes. That is the simple idea behind Eye Gazing Parties.

Banal chit-chat about employment status, the location of your apartment, or

where you're from is not a great way to spark a captivating connection with an

alluring new person. Eye contact is.

Here's how it works: An even number of singles meet in an attractive

space over drinks and world beats. After a fun mini-lesson in the art of eye

contact, the group splits into pairs, and each pair spends two minutes looking into

each other's eyes, no talking, with inviting beats in the background. The pairs

switch up every two minutes, for a total of around half an hour. Then there is a

party afterwards, with drinks flowing and luscious beats vibing. The eye gazing

has an electrifying effect on the party; simply put, two minutes of eye contact is


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the Cadillac of ice-breakers. Come try out the exciting new way to meet single

souls!

Eye Gazing Parties (www.eyegazingparties.com) were founded by

Michael Ellsberg in NYC in 2005, and have been covered by the New York

Times, CNN, Good Morning America, and major media around the world. People

who attend them report having profound experiences with many new and exciting

people at each event.

If you would like to attend, please RSVP to [email protected]. I will

send you the address. Please only RSVP if you are set on attending, as the

success of these parties depends on maintaining an even balance between men

and women, and cancellations or no-shows throw this balance off.

Feel free to invite your friends--have them RSVP directly to me and have

them mention your name.

Of course, feel free to tweak the invite however you like. Write an intro, change it

around to fit the demographic or vibe you are aiming for. A couple of fine points about

the invite though:

1. Ive found that the part at the end, about people only signing up if theyre set

on attending, is important. If youre throwing a hetero singles party, every time the

balance is off by one person, that means one person is sitting out each round (more on

managing this below). At one early party I hosted, a raft of men cancelled at the last

minute, leaving eight more women than men! This would have completely ruined the

party (forcing eight women to sit out each gazing session.) I had to beg eight guy friends


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to go home that night to restore balance. (Believe me, that was a tough sell. There were

some beautiful women at that partymany rounds of compensatory drinks were

purchased for my friends later!) Thus, anything you can do out the outset to discourage

people from signing up in a casual maybe-Ill-go-and-maybe-I-wont manner is useful.

Second, the part about having friends of friends RSVP directly to you is

extremely important from this perspective as well. Once youve got the number of

invitees for your party under control, and you have the gender balance all worked out and

even, the last thing you want is a group of five men or women showing up together at the

last minute and saying, Oh, were friends of so-and-so and he told us about the party.Wed like to join. To further discourage this from happening, I also recommend the part

about sending the specific address only once they RSVP. This will further screen out

Johnny-come-latelys from showing up.

Obviously, if youre holding a non-singles Eye Gazing Party, just for friends or

for community-building, then you can adjust the language above to focus on community

and togetherness rather than singles and dating.

Either way, once they RSVP, send out the location details/directions, and also

make it extremely clear to people that they need to be on timeonce the gazing starts, no

one will be admitted late.

3. Id say this is the single most difficult part of organizing an Eye Gazing Party.

Of course, if youre doing a gay or lesbian Eye Gazing Party, or a community-oriented

one where everyone will gaze with everyone, men and women alike, then this is no

problem. Just keep tabs on how many people in total have RSVPd, so you dont go over

your space limits.


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However, if youre organizing a hetero singles party, which is the most popular

format, then keeping the gender balance even is crucial.

The simplest way to do this is to keep a list on Word document or an Excel

spreadsheet. If you find, as you start getting responses, that one genders responses

outstrip the others by five or more, send an email to all those peoplemen and

womenwho have already RSVPd Yes, along the lines of the following: We have a

great group of people signed up already for the Eye Gazing Party. However, the ladies

have been a little more enthusiastic in signing up than the guys. So all of you, if you have

any guy friends who might be interested, please invite them. Tell them theres a room fullof attractive women waiting to gaze into their souls! Have them RSVP to

[email protected] That usually does the trick.

As you start reaching the space limitation of your party, you may find yourself

with two or three more of one gender than the other. At that point, you will have to close

the list to the overrepresented gender and start putting additional people from that gender

on the waiting list.

Money

If youre just doing a casual Eye Gazing Party in your living room for friends,

charging people is cheesy. However, if youre hosting it a bar or other public place,

charging is fine. Ive found that anywhere from $5-$15 works for the parties. Speed

dating events often charge in the $35-$50 range. However, theres a much higher demand

for speed dating than for eye gazingtheres just not thatmany people crazy enough to


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want to gaze into fifteen or more strangers eyes in one night! Ive tried to charge more

than $15 before and didnt have much luck.

Eye Gazing Parties are, above all, a labor of love. Seriously, if youre only doing

it to make money, youd be better offhour for hourflipping burgers. A lot of work

goes into them, and even if you charge $15, youre not going to come away feeling rich

at the end of it.

If you do decide to charge, you can either charge people at the door, or have them

pre-pay via PayPal. Either way, youll want to recruit a person at the door to check

people in, and collect money if youve gone the former route of having them pay at thedoor.

Step 5: The Party

So, the day of the Eye Gazing Party has arrived. What will actually happen during

the party?

The schedule is pretty simple. Ill break it down piece by piece:

1. Mingling (30 minutes)

2. Welcome and Instructions (5 minutes)

3. First round of gazes (20 minutes)

4. Break for mingling (20 minutes)

5. Second round of gazes (20 minutes)

6. Mingling afterwards (1 hour or moreIve seen this part go on for 2 hours!

Part 1. Initial Mingling (30 minutes)


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Have someone at the door welcoming people, checking them in, and accepting

payment if youve decided to charge.

Since hosting an Eye Gazing Party requires everyone to participate at the same

time, its crucial to allow this half-hour at the beginning to make sure everyones there,

and also to warm people up. If there are drinks, this is a good time for people to grab a

drink and meet fellow gazers.

Part 2. Welcome and Instructions

No more than 30 minutes after the start time on the invitation, close the door tonewcomers. Clank a glass to get peoples attention, and encourage them to take their

seats or positions, in accordance with the layout youve chosen (see the section Layout

above.)

Quite people down, and welcome them. Congratulate them on being crazy enough

to try something like this!

Tell them why you decided to organize this party. Ive got my own reasonsto

bring people together, because its a fun and original way for people to meet each other,

because eye gazing can be an incredibly powerful experiencebut you want this part to

be authentic, so tell them whyyou decided to organize it.

Then, give some basic instructions on how to gaze. Here are some pointers I like

to share:

A. Its going to be very very weird at first! Yes, you will laugh, yes, you will

fidget. Thats OK and normal. Its not a staring contestyes you can blink or


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scratch your nose! But usually, all of the laughing dies down, I tell people,

and within 1-2 gazes people get the hang of it and relax into it.

B. Each gaze will be 2 minutes, and then well switch (explain the layout format

youve selected.) Please dont talk during the gazes or during the switching.

There will be plenty of time to talk during the break and after the party. We

spend so much of our lives talking, talking, talking, lets allow ourselves the

pleasure of communicating purely with our gazes for now. You will gaze with

8 people, then well take a break, then 7 more, for a total of 15 gazes tonight.

C. Gaze at one of your partners eyes at a time. Of course, you can switch whicheye you gaze with, but pick one at a timeif you try to gaze at both your

partners eyes youll go cross-eyed! Try to keep a soft, gentle focus. A harsh,

intense focus can strain your eyes and can feel too intense for your partner.

D. Please, no touching, holding-hands, etc. Lets keep all our touch with our

eyes!

E. Try to keep a neutral facial expression. Usually, we associate direct eye

contact either with hostility or seduction. Obviously, both of those will scare

your partner. So just keep a neutral facial expression and let your eyes do the

talking.

F. Remember to breathe! Eye gazing is intensea lot of emotion can come up

and many people react to this intensity by holding their breath, or breathing

with shallow breaths. Instead, relax into the gaze and whatever emotions may

be coming up by maintaining a steady, deep, slow breath.

Part 3. First Set of Gazes


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Once youve made your introductory remarks, your welcome, and given all the

instructions, its time to start gazing! This is what weve all been waiting for!

Get people to quiet down once again (you will need to remind them to quiet down

many times throughout the evening.) Tell them its about the start. Put on the first track

(see the Appendix for some music recommendations.) And theyre off!

Guided Gazing

For several years, I let people gaze with just the music, and no guidance on my

part. This works well, and if its what youre most comfortable about, then go for it!However, for last year, Ive been experimenting with adding some guidance while

people gaze.

This only works if people are somewhat open-minded, and perhaps interested in

spiritual contentif people are extremely cynical, or uber-hipsters, it may not work.

Some people may find these kind of things extremely cheesy. Other crowds may love it.

Think about it for your own crowd and see what works for you and your community. If

your community is at all open to it, it can really deepen the gazing.

Basically, I offer people different suggestions for what to think about while they

gaze. Some of the suggestions include:

Imagine what your partner most wants to be appreciated for. Look into their

heart and think, What would this person most like to be seen for? What special talent or

gift does her or she bring to the world that he or she is not often appreciated for? What

gift would he or she most like to give to the world? And when youve figured that out,

go ahead and, with your gaze, appreciate him or her for that!


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Imagine your gaze is surrounding your partner with human warmth, caring, and

love. Not necessarily romantic love, but the love we can all give to each other as fellow

human beings. Imagine that caring melting his or her heart, allowing all his or her fear,

stress and worry to fade away, into peacefulness and calm.

Synchronize your breaths. And imagine that on the in-breath, you are taking in

your partners caring and warmth for you as a human being. And on the out-breath, you

are sharing your caring for him or her as a human being. Keep gazing with your breaths

synchronized.

Again, some crowds might find these kind of exercises and guided visualizations

extremely cheesy. But other crowdsespecially where Im from, San Franciscomight

love them and feel they deepen the intensity of the gazing and the connections. So pick

whatever is best for your crowd and vibe. If you do decided to guide your crowd through

visualizations, do so with a slow, soft, calm, reassuring voice, which will relax people

further, not a fast, sharp, harsh voice, which stresses people out.

Part 4. Break For Mingling

Ive found that about 8 straight gazes is as much as anyone can do before feeling

ansy. So, after 8 gazes, allow people to take a breakthey can get a drink, go to the rest

room, stretch their legs, and talk with that cute gazer they just gazed with!


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meeting so many new friends in such an intense way. Make sure the music is hot and the

drinks are flowing!

I hope this guide has been helpful in getting you started hosting Eye Gazing

Parties. Please, take this as a starting point onlya lot of the magic comes when after

youve hosted 2 or 3 events, and you get to see what works best for your crowd and

community and what doesnt. A lot of this is learned by trial and error.

But, even your first time will be amazing, Im sure. Theres nothing quite like

peering deeply into the windows of the soul of 15 new people in a single evening!

Please email me your stories, photos, and event announcements to

[email protected] and Ill try to put as much of it on the blog as possible!

(Due to volume of mail, I may not be able to answer all emails individually.)

Appendix: Music for Gazing

The music you select should be hip, and sexy, but Id recommend against having

it overly romantic, as that could make people feel uncomfortable. Jazz, electronica, world

music, and latin are all popular for gazing. If youre going to have songs with lyrics, Id

choose only lyrics in a foreign language, so it doesnt become distracting for people.

Remember, the gazes are only 2 minutes, and most songs are more than 2

minutes. So youll have to keep an eye on time and turn down the volume, so you can tell

people to switch, after 2 minutes. I recommend starting each gaze with a new song.

Here are some songs I like for eye gazing:


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Ganapati by Susheela Raman, from album Salt Rain

Candela by the Buena Vista Social Club, from albumBuena Vista Social Club

Maria Lando by Susana Baca, from the albumAfro-Peruvian Classics

Nuit Sur Les Champs-lyses (Take 1) by Miles Davis, from albumAscenseur

Pour L'chafaud

All the things you are [poema on guitar] by Baden Powell, from album Three

Originals

You can see I tend to like jazz, latin, and world music for gazingbut select

whatever works best for your audience and crowd! Maybe its rock. Just make sure itship and sexy!

And happy gazing!

Michael Ellsberg

how to host an eye gazing party

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