how to make conflict your friend
DESCRIPTION
A workshop in the different styles of conflict and how to recognize them in the workplace.TRANSCRIPT
W M . ( C H I P ) VA LU T I S , P H D
HOW TO MAKE CONFLICT YOUR FRIEND
Principles and Concepts for
Individuals/Teams
Styles of Conflict
Confidence in managing conflict
Consequences of Unconfronted Conflict
WHAT TO EXPECT
http://meandthemexican.blogspot.com/2011/07/two-aries-una-cama.html
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
WHEN (not if) you are in a conflict – the style you use has a big impact on the outcome.
Understanding your style (as well as the style of others) helps predict success (or failure)
Let’s look at some classic styles and then discuss
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE WARRIOR
• Openly aggressive
• Looks to kill, not compromise
• Uses any trick in the book; a street fighter
• Little logical reason for action
• Winning is more appropriate than resolution
http://www.efficiencyconsultants.net/
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE SNIPER
• Doesn’t confront directly; waits
for subtle opportunity
• Silent but deadly; hard to
confront for their actions
• Passive-aggressive; make
sure they can’t be accountable
• Good at subtle pot shots
(publicly or privately)
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE MONARCH
• Holds ultimate power and
exercises it to his/her benefit
• Can start or stop a conflict at
will
• Royal edicts replace healthy
discussion and resolutionhttp://www.hdwallpaperspics.com/crown-jewels-pictures.html
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE DIPLOMAT
• Avoids conflict at all costs; quick to gloss
over problems
• Won’t be open about feelings, concerns or
thoughts
• Makes you feel crazy: “I’m not upset – it
must be you.”
• Gives in quickly for the “good of the
order”
http://www.umcom.org
http://www.sodahead.com
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE AVOIDER
• Prefers to tell others instead of you
(triangles)
• Plays games to avoid real issues
• Can’t be pinned down to their real
feelings or issues
http://www.wikinut.com/
CLASSIC STYLES OF CONFLICT: THE COLLABORATOR
• Problem solving; focuses on
issues, not personalities
• “This is my thinking, what’s
yours? Let’s find the best
solution”
• Win-win solutions; builds trust
http://www.theall-inway.com
REFLECTION
• Can you see yourself in some of the examples?• Coworkers?• Friends?
• Different combinations of conflict styles create different dynamics
• Keep an eye out for these styles in your life
• Consequenceshttp://www.100open.com/2011/10/how-diligent-is-your-due-diligence/magnifying-glass/
CONSEQUENCES OF UNCONFRONTED STYLES
Regression• Fall into petty arguments• Childish: “Yes you did, no I didn’t”
Selective Perception• See what you want to support your argument• Only see the world from your perspective
Self Fulfilling Prophesy• Expect a conflict and that is what happens
Loss of Trust and Respect
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