how to make it safe for people to speak honestly and ......accelerated learning, evolutionary...

Part of the Let’s Talk for a Change™ Series

“How to Make It Safe For the Other

Person to Speak Honestly and Openly"

with

David Lee, HumanNature@Work & Fran Liautaud, DialogueWorks

Copyright 2008 @ David Lee @ HumanNatureAtWork.com

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Why This Matters

• If you make it safe for employees to speak up, they are more likely

to tell you what’s bothering them—rather than act it out or become less engaged. For more on this, see “The Movie Scene Every

Manager Should See” at HumanNatureAtWork.com.

• One of the top twelve drivers of employee engagement is believing

one’s supervisor cares. Making it safe for someone to speak honestly and openly about touchy issues shows you care.

• The greater your ability to create emotional safety when talking about difficult issues, the greater your ability to discuss really

difficult issues without people becoming defensive or combative.

• The greater your skill at this, the greater your willingness to bring

up difficult issues, and therefore, the quicker your ability to resolve

stress-producing situations. Therefore, these skills help reduce the overall stress and emotional “wear and tear” you experience from

work.

• With greater confidence that you can achieve a positive outcome,

you’re less likely to wait until you’ve “had it up to here” and approach the conversation antagonistically.

• The more all employees have these skills, the greater operational efficiency your organization enjoys. In fact, Southwest Airlines

credits its synergistic relationships for enabling them to turn planes around in about half the time their competitors do.

• The more all employees have these skills, the greater your organization’s overall morale and esprit de corps. This is because

labor/management and interdepartmental conflicts are more likely to be talked about and resolved, rather than going underground.

• Feeling safe allows for creative thinking. Employees stay

accountable and engaged when they are encouraged to explore challenges and create their own solutions. Ultimately, they enjoy a

culture where they are trusted and managers aren’t expected to solve all the issues.


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Agenda

1. The Phenomenon of Downshifting

2. The Three Moments of Truth

3. What to do before the conversation

4. How to start the conversation

5. What to do if the person becomes defensive or combative. (most likely in

the next Tele-Conversation).

Downshifting

“When you understand the phenomenon of downshifting, so much of human

behavior in the workplace begins to make sense...”

“

“…and…. it becomes crystal clear why knowing how to create “Emotional Safety”

is such a critical interpersonal skill for the workplace and all of life.”

The Brain is Organized HierarchicallyThe Brain is Organized Hierarchically

AA

PP

“Executive Lobe”

--i.e. CEO of the brain; advanced intellectual functions

“Body Guard” or “Inner Neanderthal”

-- i.e. Hard Wired Survival Programs

A = Advanced

P = Primitive


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When People Downshift; Their Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Are More Powerfully Influenced By These

Lower, More Primitive Regions

AA

PP

“Executive Lobe”

“Body Guard” or “Inner Neanderthal”

1. When People Feel Threatened or Stressed, They Downshift.

• The “Primitive Brain” or “Bodyguard” starts to grab control of the brain

from the “Advanced Brain” or “Executive Lobe.”

• As the “Primitive Brain” takes over, we lose the cognitive functions the Advanced Brain makes possible:

- Empathy and Emotional Intelligence

- Cognitive Flexibility

- Emotional Control - Analytical Ability

- Ability to Consider Consequences and “Cause and Effect”

• As the “Primitive Brain” takes over, hard-wired survival programs “kick

in.” When this happens, people become:

- Irrational and illogical

- Less intelligent: B Can’t think clearly

B Have difficulty processing information

- Immature

- Incapable of empathy


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- Aggressive and combative

- All about power and control and “winning”

2. People downshift when they feel threatened or stressed for other reasons.

• Attacked.

• Caught off guard.

• Embarrassed.

• Confused.

• Helpless.

• Unfairly accused.

• Any stressful feeling: anger, overwhelm, resentment, etc.

3. So What?

•

•

•

•

•


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Three Key Moments Of Truth

1. What you do before the conversation.

2. How you start off the conversation.

3. How you respond when the other person reacts negatively.

What You Do Before The Conversation

1. Guiding Principles:


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2. Actions:


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Starting The Conversation Off Right

1. Principles


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2. Techniques


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What To Do If Things Start Going Downhill

1. Principles:


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2. Techniques


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About the Facilitators:

Fran Liautaud

Fran Liautaud is a Communication and Leadership Coach,

supporting business leaders by helping them to build productive

relationships through strong communication skills.

Fran is a native of Chicago, where she held senior management

positions in the advertising, film and live event industries. Fran

has led teams and projects in

the past 25 years for numerous Fortune 500 companies, such as

McDonald’s, United Airlines, Fisher-Price and Anheuser-Busch.

In Corporate America, Fran observed much confusion and inefficiency in the

workplace. She began to envision a corporate world where leaders became models of

productive communication and effective relationships because of their own inner

strength, clarity and confidence.

With this calling, Fran immersed herself in the study of self management, optimal

human effectiveness, and the art of Dialogue at the Option Institute.

As a highly respected and effective manager, Fran learned that listening, asking

insightful questions, and allowing people to discover their own answers was the most

useful way to empower and develop others. She learned that through Dialogue, she

could provide direction and inspiration to her staff, while encouraging them to stay

accountable, and perform with more clarity, confidence and emotional ease.

In her Communication and Leadership Coaching practice, DialogueWorks, Fran offers

her clients the opportunity to become inspirational leaders with vision and personal

power.

To contact Fran:

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 207-604-0656


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David Lee David Lee has worked with organizations and presented at conferences in the US, Canada, and Australia. He is the author of Managing Employee Stress and Safety, as well over fifty articles on optimizing employee and organizational performance that have been published in trade journals and books in North America, Asia, Europe, and Australia. He has held positions as a clinician and trainer in the healthcare field and as a supervisor and trainer in the corporate world. In addition to his own research, David Lee’s work draws from a

wide range of disciplines, including peak performance technology, anthropology, accelerated learning, evolutionary biology, and neuroscience. The unifying theme of his work is this: Understanding human nature in the workplace is like having a “green thumb” when it comes to employee motivation, morale, and performance. The more you understand what “growing conditions’ need to be present for optimizing human performance, the greater your ability to create a high performing, resilient, inspired workforce. David provides consulting, training, and executive coaching services that help organizations and their managers achieve the following results: • Improve employee morale and productivity.

• Develop a Magnetic Employer Brand™ that leads to “employer of choice” status, cuts down on recruiting costs and turnover, and leads to a better talent pool to draw upon.

• Reduce the time, energy, and financial cost of employee relations problems by identifying organizational and managerial practices that prevent such problems from occurring, and helping managers develop the facilitation skills to quickly and effectively resolve such issues.

• Help employees respond effectively to change, so their energy is spent contributing to – rather than fighting – change initiatives.

• Create an environment and provide skills that enable sales and customer service professionals to maximize customer loyalty.

To Contact David: Email: [email protected] Phone: 207-929-3344


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Comments About David Lee’s Work:

“Your seminar Constructive Conversations was fabulous! I got so much out of it.” -

Jayne Allison, GPC Biotech, Massachusetts

“David’s presentation style is unparalleled! The substantive and timely content of his

subject materials is immediately adaptable to the workplace making his seminars an

invaluable aid to an employer seeking to be an “Employer of Choice.” - Lynn M.

Lombard, VP, MMG Insurance Company, Maine

“I was inspired by David's presentation. As onboarding new ladies and gentlemen at

the Ritz-Carlton, Hotel Company LLC is one of the cornerstones of our success, I cannot

agree more with his statement that, ‘Everything you do in onboarding matters’." -

Diana Oreck, VP Global Learning &leadership Center, Ritz Carlton, Maryland

“I've now worked with over 150 presenters since you last were a part of MEBSR's

Spring Conference, and still you stand out as the best person we've ever had come and

present on how we best work with one another, increase productivity and thrive.” -

Sanna McKim, Executive Director, Maine Businesses for Social Responsibility, Maine

"Thank you for doing such an outstanding job keynoting our conference. As you could

tell by the response, participants loved both the content and the delivery of your

presentation.” - Dr. Ian Gawler, Director, The Gawler Foundation, Victoria, Australia

I can honestly say that your sessions were highlights for me at the conference. Since

then I have perused your website and read many of the articles posted on there. Again,

thank you and kudos to you for the great presentation! - Rob Huppée, Amica Mature

Lifestyles Inc., British Columbia

“…David also has that rare ability to teach effectively to individuals that are at different

levels of comprehension and understanding, and exhibit different styles of learning. …

Lastly, I would like to add a very important detail regarding David’s style of teaching

and his personality. His wit and great sense of humor were very appreciated in the

class by all.” - Aditi N. Thakur, Accenture, Colorado


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Recommended Readings:

Crucial Confrontations: Tools for talking about broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior by Kerry Patterson et al.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone et al.

Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

and Arun Gandhi

Other Resources:

Articles by David Lee

Can We Talk?: How to Foster Honest, Open Communication

Do You Make These 19 Mistakes When Giving Feedback?

How to Set the Stage for a Constructive Conversation: What to Do Before

You Ever Have the Conversation

CDs and Audio Programs by David Lee

Constructive Conversations: How To Foster Honest, Open, Non-Defensive Dialogue About Difficult Issues with David Lee (CD)

Constructive Feedback: How to Give It So They Want to Hear It… and Use It with David Lee (Audio Program with Action Manual)

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