how to manage peacable anger

7/30/2019 How to Manage Peacable Anger

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How do we deal with

other peoples anger?Allow expression. Listen.

Do not respond with the same anger.

Help him/her calm down. Try to stand in his/hershoe.

Paraphrase/clarify.

Explain your situation.

Look into options together.


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If you cant deal with the other persons

wrath, ask for help.


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Situation : FIELD TRIP VENUEYou were suggesting the venue for a field trip in

a meeting when a colleague interrupted and

gave her/his own suggestions. Your othercolleagues agreed to her suggestion and your

voice was drowned by the loud voice of your

colleague who dominated the discussion. You

came home very sad as you thought that yoursuggested field trip venue was better. What

would you do?


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a. Nothing. Other peoples ideas are always reallybetter than mine.

b. Confront your colleague the next day and tellher/him that her/his suggestion was lousy!

c. Ignore your colleague and make her/him feel thatyou are upset.

d. Talk to your colleague and tell her/him that youwanted to suggest something for the field trip but

were not given the chance to speak up.

e. Others


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Option 1: AVOIDANCE(FLIGHT) We MOVE AWAY or withdraw from the situation of

conflict

We allow the other party to get away with his/herbehavior.

We hope that the conflict, will in, itself, disappear.

We believe that it is hopeless to try to resolve the

conflict WIN-LOSE


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Option 2: AGGRESSION(FIGHT) We MOVE AGAINST the opponent or try to

overpower adversary/force him/her to yield.

We want to do things our way We view winning as an indication of strength and

losing as an indication of weakness

WIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSE


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Option 3: PROBLEM-SOLVING

(FACE)

We MOVE TOWARDS the adversary

We dialogue/negotiate for a mutually beneficial

solution. We show our desire to get out of the mess by

collaborating in finding constructive ways to solve

the conflict.

WIN-WIN


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Option 4: ACCOMMODATION

(GIVE UP)

We give up our goals to maintain harmony in the

relationship

We give in because we realized that the otherperson is right.

We concede because we have very little chance of

winning.


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Option 5: COMPROMISE

(GIVE HALF) We find the middle ground.

We give up part of our goals because we and our

adversary cannot get what we want.


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THE NATURE OF CONFLICTWhat is Conflict?

Conflict is from the Latin word conflictus whichmeans striking together with force

Occurs when ones actions orbeliefs areunacceptable toand hence resisted by the other

(Forsyth, 1990)


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Collaborate with the other.

Work together so both win.

No one loses.

WIN/WIN

Accommodate give in so

the other wins.

Smooth over the issue.You lose.

LOSE/WIN

Compete aggressively with

the other you are in a

power struggle.

The one with power wins.

WIN/LOSE

Avoid the issue and the

person.

Give up/withdraw.

You lose.

LOSE/LOSE

COMPROMISE

Very important

Very important

IMPORTANCEOFTH

ERELATIONSH

IP


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THE PROBLEM-SOLVING APPROACH

I. Storytelling II. Discussing

III. Brainstorming IV. Agreeing

I. Exchange

information

about your

interests andneeds.

IV. Agree on the

best

alternative/option.

II. Identify

the actual

issues

dividing you.

III. Generate

alternatives/

options that willbridge opposing

interests.


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DIALOGUING TIPS1. Be specific. Avoid using global words.

2. Speak in a gentle, non-threatening manner.

3. Avoid using words that would elicit anger.

4. Use the I-message*I-Message Exercise

You are a liar.

You are the problem.

You are a hopeless case.


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5. Admit your own responsibility to the conflict.6. The person and his/her action are two different

things. Thus, be tough on the problem, not on the

person.

7. Be willing to tell the other person what is good about

her/him.

8. Listen. Show the other person that you are hearing

his/her point of view.


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9. Show positive regard and respect.

10. Listen with empathy. Try to stand in the shoe of the

other.

11. Be open to criticism of your ideas and behavior.

12. Paraphrase and clarify when needed.

13. Distinguish between your demands and trueinterests*.


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The Story of the Mules


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MessageCOOPERATION IS BETTER THAN

CONFLICT!


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how to manage peacable anger

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