To purchase personal subscriptions or corporate solutions, visit our website at www.getAbstract.com, send an email to info@getabstract.com, or call us at our US ofce (1-877-778-6627) or at our Swiss ofce(+41-41-367-5151). getAbstract is an Internet-based knowledge rating service and publisher of book abstracts. getAbstract maintains complete editorial responsibility for all parts of this abstract. getAbstractacknowledges the copyrights of authors and publishers. All rights reserved. No part of this abstract may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, photocopying or otherwise without prior written permission of getAbstract Ltd. (Switzerland).

1of5

How to Say Anything to AnyoneA Guide to Building Business Relationships thatReally Work

Shari HarleyGreenleaf Book Group 2013170 pages

Rating8 Applicability6 Innovation7 Style8

FocusLeadership & Management

Strategy

Sales & Marketing

Finance

Human Resources

IT, Production & Logistics

Career & Self-Development

Small Business

Economics & Politics

Industries

Global Business

Concepts & Trends

Take-Aways Most people dont know what others including their bosses and co-workers really

think of them and their contributions to the workplace.

Begin every business relationship by inviting the exchange of truthful opinions withrespect to the task at hand and how people perform it.

Specify how youd like to interact with other people before trouble arises.

When you supervise new people, explain how you plan to guide them.

Dont guess how colleagues feel; ask them to share their thoughts and frustrations.

Avoid email. To build relationships and discuss your needs, communicate face-to-face.

When you give feedback, provide clear examples and ask recipients for their thoughts.

Stay calm and stick to the facts when offering feedback. If you are emotional, delayspeaking for 24 hours. Awkward or self-conscious feedback is better than none at all.

Tell employees what you, not others, think about their actions. If you mention otherpeople, your staffers will tune you out and focus on those who betrayed them.

How others see you is more important than what you say.

How to Say Anything to Anyone getAbstract 2014 2of5

getabstract

Relevancegetabstract

getabstractWhat You Will LearnIn this summary, you will learn:r1) How to create honest and supportive business relationships, 2) How to share yourwork concerns more openly, and 3) How to give effective feedback.

getabstractReviewCommunication consultant Shari Harley says todays workplace lacks crucial candor, and she tells you what todo about it. Everyone would enjoy healthier business interactions if they spoke their minds honestly and openly,and knew that their co-workers would do the same. Harley shares several simple steps to help you initiate andnurture more honest office communication. Her points are quite clear, even when her text proves repetitive.getAbstract recommends Harleys insightful and useful tips despite whatever initial awkwardness following themmight generate and recognizes that even if you cant be completely honest with absolutely everyone, a morestraightforward workplace remains a worthy goal.

getabstractgetabstract

Summarygetabstract

getabstract

getabstractAsk More. AssumeLess.

getabstract

getabstractThe fact is were all abunch of wimps. Evenour closest friendsdont speak up aboutthe things we do thatdisappoint them. Theydont want to causeconflict, hurt ourfeelings or damage therelationship. But whensomeone does not speakup, the relationship isdamaged anyway.

getabstract

How to Establish Candid RelationshipsCreate a platform for honest relationships from the moment you start to work with someone.Take these steps to create a pattern of candor:

Set expectations Lay the groundwork with your co-workers before problemsarise. Let everyone know you want positive working relationships. Discuss roles andresponsibilities, and explain how you plan to interact. Mutually agree to exchange open,honest feedback and to not take anything personally. Decide how often these talks willtake place and who will run them. Even if youve worked with several co-workers for awhile, your relationships can be more open. Welcome their concerns and explain that youwould like them to be open to your feedback, as you will be open to theirs. Encourageeveryone to speak up if a project goes awry. Tell your staffers to let you know if youoverstep the boundaries you set. This conversation helps limit the misunderstandingsthat can derail working relationships. Periodically touch base with others about yourperformance. Priorities change; what you agreed on long ago may no longer fit.

Understand the consequences of insufficient expectations Clearly detail yourexpectations at the very start or expect to become aggravated. Jeff was a member of aproject team. He was always late, gossiped instead of working and wasted time surfingthe Internet. Other group members were furious, but no one confronted Jeff or reportedhim to the head of the project. Jeff would have behaved differently if, at the very firstmeeting, the team explained each assigned task and decided what to do if anyone didntpull his or her weight.

Prepare for things to go wrong Anticipate potential problems and try to avoid themby using planned preventions. For example, tell everyone at the start of your meeting tosilence their cellphones and not check their email. This prevents undesired interruptionsand helps everyone focus. A fallback is the consequence participants accept aheadof time. Consider making a latecomer rule. Anyone entering a meeting after it starts mustplace a dollar in a jar to pay for a drink at happy hour later.

Ask about working-style preferences Are your co-workers comfortable with face-to-face interactions? What time of the day works best for them? If something comes up,

How to Say Anything to Anyone getAbstract 2014 3of5

getabstractYou are in charge ofyour career success andsatisfaction.

getabstract

getabstractTaking the time toask about anotherpersons working-stylepreferences is a rapportbuilder. Emailing alist of questions is not.Asking these questionsis as much about havingthe dialogue as itis about getting theinformation.

getabstract

getabstractStarting relationshipsby giving permission togive you feedback mayfeel a little weird...Theimportant thing is toget out in front of yourrelationships.

getabstract

getabstractIf you want to besure people get reallydefensive, give vaguefeedback.

getabstract

should you schedule a meeting, drop by unannounced or phone? When something urgenthappens, can you interrupt them? If an issue arises during non-working hours, can youcall before or after work and until what time in the evening? What working behaviorsget on their nerves? How do they tend to act when irritated? Discuss these questions inperson, never via email. Face-to-face discussions build your relationships.

How to Create Candid Managerial RelationshipsTell your employees your expectations from the start. When you supervise new people,explain how you plan to guide them. State that you will share positive and negative feedbackto help them achieve work-related goals. Being open builds trust.

Be careful about making assumptions or failing to communicate. Author Shari Harleyaccepted a position as a representative for a training firm. She didnt know a lot aboutselling, but she was willing to move to Fort Collins in northern Colorado. About a monthafter her move, her boss, who was based on the other side of the state, called her. He wasangry. He wanted to know why Harley wasnt attending weekly meetings in his office.Harley told him that she was busy setting up things in Fort Collins and her boss said, Itsvery clear I cant trust you. Harley was apparently supposed to stay near him to completethree months of training. No one had told her that. Her boss assumed that she knew andhad defied him.

Candor QuestionsSet aside a 90-minute meeting or two 45-minute meetings to ask new staff members thefollowing questions. Heed their responses. If you dont have time for all of the questions,focus on the first two: 1) Name three things that would entice you to stay with thecompany. 2) Name the one thing that might make you leave. 3) Name three things youneed to feel fulfilled in a position. 4) What is your favorite activity? 5) What would youlike to do, but have never done? 6) Name one or more skills youd like to strengthen.7) Do you prefer to have your efforts touted publicly or privately? 8) Where do you seeyourself in one year or in three years? 9) Why did you take this position, and what doyou hope to achieve? 10) What worries you? 11) What do you do when you feel frustratedand need support? 12) What can I tell you about myself? 13) What else would you like toshare about yourself? Close with: Any other questions?

A Strong StartAs you offer new staff members details about their job, unit of the company and work group,context. Team members need details that help them navigate how things work in yourorganization. You provide this type of insider information, for example as someone joinsyour family for a holiday meal when you say, My dad cant hear out of his left ear, somake sure you always speak into the right one. Or, Uncle Al is a die-hard Mets fan, sodont mention the Yankees if you want dessert. When you share information that seniormanagers already know, you grant new workers a strong start.

When Harley first met her new boss, he shared no insider or contextual information. Afterseveral weeks, Harley was stunned to discover that a new co-worker detested her. The co-worker cornered Harley outside the conference room and screamed, Just who the hell doyou think you are coming in here and! The list consisted of tasks Harley had been hiredto do. She learned that the angry woman thought she should have gotten Harleys job even though no one else agreed. This tense situation could have been avoided if someonetold this worker that she was wrong for the position and would never get it. Harley wouldhave proceeded with greater care had she known how her disgruntled co-worker felt.

How to Say Anything to Anyone getAbstract 2014 4of5

getabstractViolating a managersexpectations, evenexpectations shehasnt shared, createsawkwardness andfrustration from whichit can take months, ifnot years, to recover.

getabstract

getabstractSet expectationswith your internaland external clientsat the onset of yourworking relationships.Rather than expectingeverything inyour office to gowell, assume thatbreakdowns willhappen and plan forthem.

getabstract

getabstractDid you know that99.9% of employeeturnover is predictable?If an employee quitsand his manager issurprised, the managerdoesnt know hisemployee as well as hethinks he does.

getabstract

getabstractIf you want to takecharge of your career,invest time in yourbusiness relationships.Ask questions aboutwhat people need, wantand are expecting fromyou. Its that simple.

getabstract

Effective Managers Ask for FeedbackFew managers ask for staff feedback. Ask your staff members for their feedback to earntheir loyalty. Occasionally, invite your employees to share what they find helpful about yourmanagement style. Ask for candid feedback at performance reviews. Find out how youremployees feel about the way you direct the staff. What they would like you to do morefrequently or less often? Communicate how much you value your relationship with youremployees. Faced with this rare behavior, top employees may think twice before leavingto work somewhere else.

Managing Up with CandorYour relationship with your manager has a significant impact on your success. Seek to helpyour manager shine in the eyes of his or her superiors. Ask your manager to commenton your efforts. Are your reports adequate? How can you make your information moreaccessible? Should you incorporate visual aids?

If you take over someone elses job, seek them out and ask for background on the position.What was its original purpose? Why did the other person leave? What prompted thecompany to appoint a new person at this specific time and not sooner? Within your job, findthe areas your manager cares deeply about. Then, if your boss asks for updates or attemptsto work on those areas, you wont feel micromanaged.

Strong Workplace RelationshipsLearn the organizations politics and unwritten rules. Know your company calendar anddont take time off during the most hectic period of the year. Ask questions; dont wait to betold. Explore the workings of every department, including your own. Recognize how yourunit and other departments affect one another. For example, Harley learned at a divisionmeeting that another department was working on a task she had been focusing on for atleast two months the two groups could have combined their efforts. Stay proactive toavoid unpleasant surprises.

Delicate SituationsA friend asked a vice president of a company why his position appeared on a job-searchwebsite. Thats how the VP learned that he was about to be replaced. The company wantedto fill the spot without delay, and they advertised it before notifying the VP himself. Today,you can be fired and never know it.

In another company, Sarah complained to Anns boss about Anns poor managerialcapabilities. The boss fired Ann as Sarahs manager. This could have been avoided had Annasked Sarah what she should know about Sarahs division, what had recently transpiredthere, what was working and what was not, and how her teams were collaborating.

How others see you is more important than what you say. Dont assume that all is welljust because no one says otherwise. Stay gracious and remember to say thank you. Yourappreciation will always motivate others.

Gossip undermines relationships. Be true to your word, honest and forthcoming. If asituation deserves an explanation, provide an accurate one. You dont have to tell youremployees everything. But if you dont comment on major events, workers will busythemselves with counterproductive explanations of their own. For example, if John leavesthe company and no one in authority explains why, rumors may circulate about illicit affairsor theft.

How to Say Anything to Anyone getAbstract 2014 5of5

getabstractSavvy employees knowthat they also managetheir bosses. When wedont manage upward,our careers stagnate.

getabstract

getabstractGossip is talkingabout another personso as to alter howothers think about thatperson.

getabstract

getabstractGossiping breakstrust.

getabstract

Provide feedback when someone wants to know what you think or when you want to helpsomeone improve their work habits. But also know when to shut up. Dont say anythingwhen you are upset and want to vent; when you dislike someone and need to let him or herknow; or when you arent asked to review co-workers, but you think they should hear youropinion, too. Never embarrass a co-worker in front of others.

The Feedback FormulaUse eight steps to express your thoughts in two minutes or less:

1. Open your talk with a description of what you plan to discuss and your purpose.2. Consider your staff members feelings.3. Describe the observed behavior.4. Describe the impact or result of the actions.5. Ask your staff member what he or she thinks about the issue at hand.6. State how you think the problem should be handled in the future.7. If follow-up steps are required, agree on those steps.8. Say thank you.

Remove the Emotion and Deal with the FactsKeep your feelings to yourself and be direct. Dont dance around an issue. Be conciseand use words such as, Ive noticed. Stick to your personal observations. If you beginby quoting what someone else has said about your staff members, you will provoke adefensive reaction and make it harder for them to hear you. While you are trying to shareinformation, theyll be wondering who betrayed them.

Practice the 24-Hour Guideline and the One-Week RuleNever wait longer than a week to discuss an event. Take 24 hours before you bring upparticularly troubling situations. Dont rush the discussion. Dont instigate a conversationwhen your co-worker or staffer has to deal with other crises. Keep your comments to aminimum and discuss only a few items at a time. Your conversation must remain private.Dont hesitate to give feedback. Better to say something all wrong than to avoid the topicall together.

Dealing with Difficult SituationsEven with honest feedback, some co-workers will still be difficult. Solicit help. Bring insomeone to intervene. If your boss doesnt comment about your work, invite trustedcolleagues to do so. If you get promoted over former co-workers, name the game: In one-on-one talks, share how awkward the new situation is for you and let each person knowyou want to have a positive working relationship. Invite each to share how it feels to haveyou as a manager.

If a former co-worker wont accept your authority, run through the feedback formula stepsabove. If you offer comments to a worker and nothing changes, point out the misbehaviorevery time it recurs. If a worker cries after you give feedback, suggest taking a break andoffer to return to the discussion later.

getabstractgetabstract

About the Authorgetabstract

getabstractConsultant Shari Harley founded Candid Culture, a firm that teaches honest communication.