how to see the lion in your mirror, kennedy krieger institute
TRANSCRIPT
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How to See the Lion in Your Mirror
Kennedy Krieger Institute
December 1, 2016
Joe Tye, CEO and Head CoachValues Coach Inc.
Copyright © 2016, Values Coach Inc.
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No one ever really “wins” the lottery.
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About 70 percent of people who “win” the lottery end up broke in a few years.
National Endowment for Financial Education
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How to see the Lion in Your Mirror – 8 Strategies
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These strategies can help you be better in every dimension of your work and your life
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As colleagues
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As parents
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Setting priorities
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Managing money
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Physically
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Emotionally
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Spiritually
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And avoid…
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The 8 Strategies
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Strategy #1
Get very clear about your personal values
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24
“People who are clearest about their personal vision and values are significantly more committed to their organizations.”James Kouzes and Barry Posner: A Leader's Legacy
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Organizational values define strategies while personal values define culture.
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Culture of Ownership Classroom
Midland Memorial Hospital
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Core Action Value #2
Integrity
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Core Action Value #3
Awareness
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Core Action Value #4
Courage
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Core Action Value #5
Perseverance
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Core Action Value #6
Faith
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Core Action Value #7
Purpose
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Core Action Value #8
Vision
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Core Action Value #9
Focus
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Core Action Value #10
Enthusiasm
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Core Action Value #11
Service
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Core Action Value #12
Leadership
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The goals you achieve
The contribution you make
The person you become
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Will be determined by the values that
guide your life
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Strategy #2
Make fear your ally
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Fear is the most serious of all learning disabilities!
Edward Hallowell: Worry
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The absence of fear is not courage!
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The absence of fear is…
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No Fear, No Courage…
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Big Fear, Big Courage…
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Anxiety
Fear
Worry
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Anxiety
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Three bad things happen when you in the thrall of anxiety…
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Bad Thing #1
Memory is distorted: past successes seem small and insignificant while past failures seem huge and certain to be repeated.
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Bad Thing #2
Perception is distorted: the dangers facing you are blown out of proportion while you underestimate the resources you have.
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Bad Thing #3
Vision is distorted: you cannot see the possibilities for a great outcome because you are so fixated on images of doom.
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Anxiety tries to become fear.
Paul Tillich: The Courage to Be
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Fear
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Fear can paralyze or it can catalyze
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You’ve heard that the acronym F.E.A.R. stands for Fantasized Evidence Appearing Real.It also stands for…
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Fabulous Excuse for Avoiding Responsibility
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Fear is your ally when...
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Good Thing #1
It alerts you to the fact that you are not ready for some possible future event.
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Good Thing #2
It galvanizes you to take action.
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Good Thing #3
It opens your eyes to the fact you are on the wrong path in life (one reason “midlife crisis” is so often a time of searing anxiety).
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Good Thing #4
When it is a call to focus*
* Procrastination is always rooted in fear
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Good Thing #5
When it is a call to faith*
* Faith begins at the point where certainty ends
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Are people afraid of change?
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Worry
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Worry is like paying interest on a debt that you probably don’t even owe!
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Toxic worry is abuse of the God-given gift of imagination!
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10 Actions You Can Take to Have More Courage
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Action #1
Find your Big Why* – your Path with Heart**
* A term used by Gary Keller, Founder of Keller Williams Realty
** A term coined by Carlos Castaneda
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Caring is the root of courage – you wouldn’t be afraid if you didn’t care…
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And you act in spite of your fear because you care
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Action #2
Give fear a name and it becomes just a problem.
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It’s easier to solve problems than it is to conquer fear.
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Terror or exhilaration?
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Action #3
Manage the time zone in which you park your attention.
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Be Today
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See Tomorrow
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When afraid of the future, focus your attention on the work that needs to be done today.
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When afraid of what’s happening today, keep your vision on the dream of a brighter tomorrow.
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Action #4
Decide to have energy.
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Courage without energy is just a good intention...
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Energy without courage is more likely to run away than it is to stand and fight.
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“Laziness” is often usually fear in disguise!
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More than we care to admit, whether or not we have energy is more a mental choice than a physical condition.
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Action #5
Put yourself on a severe diet when it comes to how much tragi-tainment you allow to enter into your head.
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Action #6
Get enough sleep, because as Vince Lombardi said, fatigue makes cowards of us all.
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Action #7
Practice courage rituals
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Action #8
Laugh! It is physiologically impossible to be afraid when you are laughing.
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Action #9
Fear breeds in isolation – especially in times of high anxiety it is essential to reach out and stay connected with others.
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Action #10
Confront your irrational fears
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Share your courage with others, keep your fears to yourself.
- Jonathan Swift
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Strategy #3
Make adversity your teacher
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“It’s not what happens to you it’s what you do about it.”
W Mitchell
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Every great accomplishment was once the “impossible dream” of a dreamer who simply refused to quit when things got tough.
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The bigger the dream – the greater the challenges!
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Law #1
The rain falls upon and bad things happen to good people – including you
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Law #2
There are millions of others who would love to have your problems
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Law #3
Crisis creates opportunity
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Law #4
One door closes, another door opens
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Law #5
Falling on your face is good for your head
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Law #6
You will pass through the valley of the shadow
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Law #7
Conquering weakness will make you stronger
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Law #8
Without the valleys, you won’t appreciate the mountains.
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Law #9
Sometimes you meet the most important people in your life when you are flat on your back.
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Law #10
Challenges, not successes, define our character
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“Brick walls are not there to stop you, they are there to make you prove how much you want something.”
Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture
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The walls are not optional
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Letting them stop you is
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How much do you
want it?
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How badly to you want to:
Get out of debt?
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How badly to you want to:
Lose weight?
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How badly to you want to:
Get a graduate degree?
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How badly to you want to:
Write your book?
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How badly to you want to:
Start your business?
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How badly to you want to:
Travel the world?
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Strategy #4
Erase the malignant echo of negative self-talk
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Self-talk is the collection of stories you tell yourself about yourself, about other people, and about how the world works
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Negative self-talk is telling yourself lies…
And then believing those lies.
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Complaining is an outward projection of inner negative self-talk
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Any time you complain about something – anything – you are really saying three things:
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Poor me #1
Something is bothering you, otherwise you wouldn’t be wasting your time and mental energy complaining about it…
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Poor me #2
It’s not your fault, otherwise you’d be looking in the mirror instead of pointing a finger (and any time you’re complaining, you are implicitly pointing a finger at someone else).
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Poor me #3
There’s nothing you can do about it, otherwise you’d be working on fixing the problem rather than just whining about it.
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Can you think of a better definition for being a victim?
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The most important speech any of us ever give (the one you were never trained to give) is...
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What is the first word a child learns to say?
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For a variety of evolutionary reasons, the human mind automatically gravitates toward negative, frightening and depressing thoughts.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: The Evolving Self: A Psychology for the New Millennium
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Experts refer to ANTs – automatic negative thoughts
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Every negative thought must be set aside before it takes root.
I Ching
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“We found [athletes’] performances improved dramatically when they stopped self-abusive feedback, and started thinking about the positive – what they were accomplishing, instead of what they weren’t.”
James E. Loeher and Peter McLaughlin: Mentally Tough
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Psychologists say that up to 80% of self-talk is negative – and that we can abuse ourselves at a speed of 400 words per minute!
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You would never tolerate anyone else speaking to you the way you allow your spoiled inner brat to get away with.
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Like graffiti on a subway car – after a while you don’t notice it
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You might even think it’s beautiful
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But…
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The Inner Child is shadowed by an Inner Spoiled Brat
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The split personality of your Inner Spoiled Brat
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If only we won the lottery!
The Whiner
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You don’t deserve to win the lottery!
The Screamer
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A crucial point!
That voice will always be in the second person. It’s not you talking!!!
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“I’m not good enough”
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You’re not good enough
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WHEN YOU HEAR NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
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YOU HAVE
TO TALK BACK
!
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Two steps for using the power of Metaphorical Visualization™ to erase the graffiti of negative self-talk:
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Step #1
Visualize the words as clearly as you possibly can as graffiti that has been scrawled on the walls of your mental attic.
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Step #2
Visualize a janitor (The Janitor in Your Attic™) painting over the graffiti and replacing it with positive affirmations.
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You can rewire the hardware by reprogramming the software!
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Caveat!
For your challenge to your Spoiled Inner Brat to be credible you must also take action if what Brat says is factually accurate.
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Strategy #5
Make your body play a constructive part in that inner dialogue…
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Your body tells your mind how you feel…
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Power Posing
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How your mouth tells your mind what to think…
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Smile from the outside in and you’ll eventually be smiling from the inside out.
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Strategy #6
Leave behind the emotional baggage
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Strategy #7
Create memories of the future
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You can remember the future more clearly and more accurately…
Than you can remember the past.
Transform mere dreams into “Memories of the Future”
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The difference between wishful thinking and positive thinking…
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Wishful thinking is hoping for something and waiting for someone else to make it happen.
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The new American Dream
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Positive thinking is expecting something and working to make it happen.
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Set a goal so big that you can’t achieve it until you grow into the person who can
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198
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200
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Do you read your horoscope?
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Joe’s Youroscope
The small seed planted yesterday will blossom into a treasure and today another opportunity will come from out of the blue…
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Joe’s Youroscope (contd.)
Today is a fine day to make a choice, make a friend, make a difference, and to take decisive action on a long postponed decision…
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Joe’s Youroscope (contd.)
Call a friend, call a prospect, and call your Mom.
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“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
Henry David Thoreau
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208
Think Big
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209
Start Small
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Start Now
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211
Procrastination is postponing today into tomorrow so that you end up always living under the shadow of yesterday.
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212
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Strategy #8
Practice extravagant generosity in small ways
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Think of it as your rehearsal for being fabulously wealthy!
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Strategy #9
Take to heart the seven promises of The Self-Empowerment Pledge™
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“I attribute my success to the fact that I never gave or took an excuse.”
Florence Nightingale
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Seven Simple Promises That Will Change Your
Life*
* One for each day of the week.
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If you’ve been waiting for someone else to empower you, you should know that…
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No one can empower you but – YOU – and once you have empowered yourself…No one can take that power away.
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If you knew it would change your life for the better – profoundly and permanently – would you invest …
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A minute a day for the next 365
days
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Would you give up one television commercial a day for a year to change your life?
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You
bet!If your answer is yes, here’s what you need to do.
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Every morning start your day by making that day’s promise – which will take you about 15 seconds.
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Repeat the promise again in in the middle of your work day.
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Once more before you leave for home.
I am responsible,
accountable, and
determined!
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And one more time right before you go to bed.
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4 x 15 seconds = 1 minute
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Repeat these promises like you really mean them!
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Let’s take a look at the seven promises…
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Monday’s Promise: ResponsibilityI will take complete responsibility for my health, my happiness, my success, and my life, and will not blame others for my problems or predicaments.
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Tuesday’s Promise: AccountabilityI will not allow low self-esteem, self-limiting beliefs, or the negativity of others to prevent me from achieving my authentic goals and from becoming the person I am meant to be.
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Wednesday’s Promise: DeterminationI will do the things I’m afraid to do, but which I know should be done. Sometimes this will mean asking for help to do that which I cannot do by myself.
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Thursday’s Promise: ContributionI will earn the help I need in advance by helping other people now, and repay the help I receive by serving others later.
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Friday’s Promise: ResilienceI will face rejection and failure with courage, awareness, and perseverance, making these experiences the platform for future acceptance and success.
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Saturday’s Promise: PerspectiveThough I might not understand why adversity happens, by my conscious choice I will find strength, compassion, and grace through my trials.
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Sunday’s Promise: FaithMy faith and my gratitude for all that I have been blessed with will shine through in my attitudes and in my actions.
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Here’s WHY it works…
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You keep promising yourself that you will be responsible, accountable, and determined; make a contribution, be resilient in the face of adversity, have a positive perspective, and that your faith will shine through.
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Then you catch yourself whining and complaining, procrastinating, gossiping, blaming others for your problems, taking when you should be giving, and pretendingthat you have no power.
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You end up with what psychologists call… Cognitive Dissonance
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Which is trying to simultaneously hold two incompatible beliefs
I am responsible,
accountable, and
determined! It’s not my fault,
they did it to me,
this is so unfair.
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At that point, one of two things MUST happen. Either you take the easy way and stop making the promises…
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Or you keep making the promises until you begin to change your attitudes and yourbehaviors.
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And as you do that, you will begin to achieve better results in every dimension of your life.
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Read these seven promises one more time…
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Now ask yourself these two questions…
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Question #1:
If you personally were to take these seven promises to heart, would you be better off than where you are headed now – personally, professionally, financially, and spiritually?
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Question #2:
If everyone where you work made a good faith effort to live these seven promises, would you do a better job of serving customers and of supporting each other?
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If your answer to these two questions is…
And if you’re being honest, that’s what your answer will be.
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Then why wouldn’t you invest those 365 minutes in yourself? Do it, because no one can empower you but you.
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Will you do it? Will you give up one TV commercial a day…
To change your life?
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And one last thing…
Let me introduce you to the person you once were
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Wouldn’t it be nice to become that you again?