DOGSPOTTING is the act of assigning point values to the dogs you see in your daily travels.

Dogspotting is all about spontaneity and seeing new dogs. True dogspotters never count dogs they already know, or engineer spots by visiting places like dog parks and veterinary clinics where dogs are expected. Good dogspotters embrace the unexpected, allowing each spot to be a surprising gift… or terrible curse.

With Orthodox Rules, dogspotting becomes even more fun and challenging. In addition to points for size, special spots may be eligible for bonus points, multipliers and penalties.

Look at a dog. Once you master that, you’re ready for dogspotting. You must be looking at the dog’s physical being with your own eyes for the spot to count; no using aids like telescopes or mirrors to achieve “trick spots.”

The goal is to observe dogs in their natural state, not to get their attention. While many people like to photograph spots, this is in no way required. If you do, always be courteous and respectful of nearby humans’ privacy.

HOW DO YOU SPOT?

WHAT IS DOGSPOTTING?

THE EYE CAPTURES DOG PHOTONS TO BE PROCESSED INTO POINTS

DOG SPOTTED. NOW WHAT?

DO YOU KNOW THE DOG?If the answer is yes, then don’t score it. This includes your own dog. “Own Dog” and “Known Dog” spots are bad form. You cannot inflate your score by amassing your own personal collection of dogs.

With every spot, you should immediately ask and answer the following questions to determine the score.

HOW BIG IS THE DOG?Size acts as the base score for every dog. The bigger the better.

WHAT IS THE DOG DOING?If the dog is doing something out of the ordinary, it may be eligible for a bonus or subject to a penalty.

IS THE DOG PART OF A SET?Multispots occur when two or more dogs share an intrinsic or physical connection. Multispots can dramatically impact your score.

BASIC SCORING: SIZE

Start by sizing up the dog to find the base score. If the dog is by itself and not doing anything of note, consider that the final score for the spot.

Always base points on size. Some dogs may be bigger or smaller for their breed. NOTE: Puppies of larger breeds do not count as small dogs.

SMALLThese rat- and cat-sized creatures diminish the true canine experience. Not only do they count against your score, they are also ineligible for any Glory Dog bonuses (Shame Dog penalties still apply).

MEDIUMThis class includes such dogs as the Border Collie, Brittany and Whippet. These breeds represent the bare minimum of acceptable size. Larger English Bulldog specimens are often included here due to their density.

LARGEHome to such canine classics as Labradors, Golden Retrievers, German Shepherds, Pit bulls, Dingoes, Coyotes, Huskies and Boxers. These are the bread and butter spots to look out for when building your daily score.

EXTRA LARGEA rare and beautiful sight, these mammoth dogs include such titans as the St. Bernard, Great Dane, Bernese Mountain Dog and Mastiff, among others. Wolves of all sizes are included in this category out of respect.

GLORY DOGS

Congrats on sizing up your spot. Here’s where the real fun begins. Let’s see if the dog is doing anything worthy of bonus points.

EXTREME LOUNGINGA dog contorting its body into an unnatural position in order to break the traditional boundaries of laziness.

ACTION DOGAny dog performing athletic feats or demonstrating great skill.

CURIOUS EATERAny dog pushing the limits of the canine palate by eating something unusual, from disgusting to perplexing.

MISSING COMPONENTA dog with missing limbs, eyes or other parts that is still making an honest effort to live. NOTE: neutered dogs don't count.

DOG CARRYING ITS OWN LEASH Also known as a ronin (浪人), or dog without a master.

WORKING DOG A dog with an important job, such as a guide dog, bomb dog, rescue dog or cadaver dog.

HERO DOG A dog performing a heroic deed, such as rescuing a family from a burning building or aiding a senior citizen stuck in a well.

SHAME DOGS

Not all spots are good. If the dog is doing something untoward, it may be subject to a Shame Dog penalty. If so, subtract the relevant points.

EFFETE OVERTRAININGAny dog performing humiliating actions designed solely for amusement, such as “dancing” or balancing a biscuit on its nose.

INTIMATE ACTSAny dog relieving itself or engaged in a carnal act. The shame is on you for looking, not the dog.

SHAMEFUL TRANSPORTUnless gravely injured, very young or recently cremated, all dogs should carry their own weight. Dogs do not belong in baby carriers, strollers or handbags.

SHAMEFUL APPEARANCEAny dog dressed in awkward, nonfunctional attire or groomed in an embarrassing manner.

VIOLENT BEHAVIOR Any dog attacking other dogs or humans aggressively. Dogs acting in self-defense or in the defense of others are exempt.

CRIMINAL MISCHIEF Any dog committing acts of theft, vandalism or murder. Natural dog behavior (vomiting into a priceless vase, etc.) does not count unless performed with malicious intent.

HEGEMONIC OPPRESSION Any dog being used as an agent of police or military intimidation or breaking up peaceful protests and union actions.

MULTISPOTS

HONORED DOGS

Amongst dogkind, there are some unique specimens that go above and beyond, achieve the impossible and demonstrate extraordinary integrity. These are called Honored Dogs, and they are treasured by all serious dogspotters.

Sadly, many Honored Dogs, such as Laika, The Auditor and Hachiko, live on only as statues. If you happen to see the statue of an Honored Dog, you should count it just the same as any true living dog, but with an appropriate and respectful bonus.

Each Honored Dog, in living or statue form, shall only be counted ONCE within the lifetime of the dogspotter. As always, you should first find the base score, then apply the bonus multiplier.

TIP: Be careful of statues of small Honored Dogs, such as Franklin D. Roosevelt’s dog Fala, worth a terrifying -200 points.

When two or more dogs are linked in certain ways, it is considered a multispot. When scoring a multispot, first add up the totals for all eligible dogs, including bonuses or penalties, then multiply by the number of participants.

A multispot bonus is not necessarily awarded whenever multiple dogs are spotted at once! To qualify as a multispot, the dogs must be linked in one of the following manners:

Connected via leashes to a single entity or object Trotting together in a manner that suggests shared purpose An object being held by two or more dogs at the same time Occupying the same vehicle or container The physical act of love (subject to Intimate Act penalty) Feeding off a shared carcass or piece of food Violence or full-contact horseplay

NOTE: Multispots don’t always work in your favor, especially when small dogs are involved.

A QUICK RECAP

WITH EVERY SPOT, YOU SHOULD:

1. Determine whether this dog is known to you personally. If so, disregard it.

2. Determine the dog’s size to find the base score.

3. Determine if the dog is engaged in behavior worth bonus points or subject to a penalty. If so, apply to the base score.

4. Determine if the dog is eligible for multispot bonus. If so, add up the total points of each participating dog and multiply by total number of dogs involved.

5. Record the final score in your dogspotting ledger or share it online.

FACEBOOK GROUP RULES

When contributing to the Dogspotting Group, always abide by these rules. Those who do not obey will find themselves blacklisted from participating in the group and forever scorned by all dogs.

• Be informed. Please read all Orthodox Rules. The rules are there to guide you toward an accurate score.

• Keep your points. There is no “reverse spotting” under Orthodox Rules.• Be objective. Dogspotting is not about celebrating the innate beauty of

all dogs, because many dogs are inarguably shameful and unpleasant. It is about taking an honest look at a dog and figuring out its point value based on solid, time-tested criteria.

• Stay classy. While dead or extremely sick dogs can technically be scored, we do not need to see pictures. If a dog is in need of aid, alert the proper authorities after you determine its point value and record it in your logbook.

• Respect boundaries. If the dog is in the presence of its owners, ask permission before taking any photos or interacting. NEVER take photos of working dogs during their business hours.

• No selfies. If you're going to post pictures, make sure you're not in them. All photos should focus on dogs, free of you and any gratuitous filters.

• Stay on target. This is not a group for debating the ethics of dog ownership, breeding, adoption or any other topic not directly related to the act of looking at a dog and assigning it an accurate score.

• Don't be a bozo. Every living person has already posted a picture of a non-dog here, such as a goat or professional rapper. It was never funny in any of those instances and will be even less funny if you try it.

• Remember: the goal of dogspotting is never about interaction, but careful observation and accurate accounting. The less aware the dog, the better.

If you have a problem with the challenging nature of dogspotting, feel free to leave and look at pictures of dogs in other Facebook groups.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

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