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Matrimonial sites are an amazing way to find and connect with your

future spouse Insha’Allah...

Although the majority of members who connect with each other through

matrimonial sites are genuine people looking to find a spouse, there are

always exceptions to the rule.

Unfortunately a tiny minority of people have less than good intentions

when they are online.

So here are our top tips to ensure you stay safe in your search for a

spouse:

1. Never EVER give your real name out

There’s a reason why matrimonial sites allow you to choose

usernames – for security and to protect your identity

2. No matter how genuine the other person seems to be, NEVER

share your contact details with others. Once you have given away

your phone number or address/email, then any fraudsters now

have the perfect tool to harass you with.

3. Some scammers will work on building a relationship with you for

several months to gain your trust. Then they will give you sob

stories about a bad financial situation and will either directly or

indirectly ask for money. No matter what happens, NEVER EVER

give your bank details or send money to anyone – no matter what!

You don’t owe anyone ANY favours whatsoever. People who

make you feel bad about not sending them money are in fact

emotionally blackmailing you. Avoid at all costs.

4. ALWAYS have your family involved at ALL times.

We cannot stress this highly enough. Sisters in particular,

ALWAYS try to have your wali involved in all your communications

as an added security blanket for you. The truth is, men are very

perceptive about other men, whereas Allah SWT has said that

women are more emotional. Often your wali will pick up something

that you might miss. The Ulemah unanimously agree that a

marriage without a wali is invalid and Allah SWT knows best what

is good for us.

5. NEVER take conversations off any matrimonial site.

Once you do so, there is no record of anything, therefore no one

can be held responsible for anything that may arise from this. Pure

Matrimony is unique in that it monitors conversations to protect its

members and to ensure the conversations remains halal and

lawful.

6. It is always safer to avoid having your photos online on public

display. The reality is that your picture could be downloaded and

used for absolutely anything. The solution? Only ever share your

picture with someone once you have established full compatibility

and your wali is happy for you to share pictures.

7. NEVER arrange to meet someone in private WITHOUT your wali

or family present. This is especially important for sisters who have

to be extra mindful. Your safety always comes first. If for whatever

reason you do not have family, then appoint someone to be your

wali, or bring someone responsible with you. Meetings should

always be in a very public place just in case.

8. NEVER give your bank details out.

There is currently an online scam taking place which is becoming

widespread through email and is now starting to filter through to

matrimonial sites. Scammers will concoct a story about how they

need to wire you a lot of money as a trust/amanah or that you are

somehow a beneficiary of a large amount of money and will ask

you for your bank details to send you the money. This is 100%

fake and you should NOT give your details to anyone ever.

9. Read between the lines

Do they make fun of you? Are they belittling you in any way? Are

they ‘demanding’ or insistent on their own point of view only? Do

they impose their views on you? Are they making you feel bad and

convincing you to let go of certain parts of your life? If so, this is a

red flag of someone who has a controlling and manipulative

nature. Marriages to people like this are rarely happy ones. Sisters

in particular can feel trapped and the advice is always have your

wali involved who may well pick up on this quickly.

10. Avoid the temptation to give away personal details that can single

you out for a scam.

For example, never allow people to think you are wealthy as you

open yourself up for fraud. Don’t ever come across as being

‘desperate’ for marriage, as you are open and vulnerable then to

attracting people who may want to take advantage of this

11. Avoid engaging in conversations with anyone looking to get

residency in your Country

It is NOT your job to help them, it’s their job to ensure they take the

responsibility to apply for residency – and that includes completing

paperwork AND paying the bills. Remember, you are not a means

to an end or a ‘way in’ to your country.

12. Do your due diligence and RESEARCH!

When you get to the point where families meet up and you come

off a matrimonial site, then follow these simple rules to stay safe:

a. Do your research into your prospective spouse

b. Find out who their five closest friends are and see what they

are like. This is because like attracts like, as the Prophet

(peace be upon him) said: "A person is likely to follow the faith

of his friend, so look whom you befriend." [reported by Abu

Dawood & Tirmidhee]

c. Get character references from their place of work or from

neighbours and people who know them

d. Avoid asking their immediate friends and family since they will

be biased

e. Always include your wali in any email communications, Skype

communications or other communications

f. Check Google, Facebook and social media – you’d be

surprised what a simple Google search can reveal

g. Look for the things which are more subtle such as their

relationship with their family – if your prospective spouse has a

poor relationship with his family, this should raise a red flag

with you

13. Search with sincerity and faith

Always check your intentions before you contact a member and

remember to be polite, be yourself and above all, keep your faith in

Allah SWT. If things do not work out with a particular member do

not worry about it, and do not become angry, politely end the

discussions and move on – whatever Allah decides for you will be

the best insha’Allah.

Recommendations When Choosing a Matrimonial Site

With literally dozens of new matrimonial services popping up daily, it’s

hard to choose the right service which is going to help maximise your

safety. Sisters in particular are always vulnerable and should never

engage in conversations with a potential spouse without her family

knowing – and certainly never without a wali.

We really cannot stress this enough! It’s about YOUR security, YOUR

safety and YOUR respect! If you don’t respect your own safety, then

chances are the other person won’t either!

As a practicing Muslim looking to get married, which sites should you be

looking for and which should you avoid?

Here’s our top tips:

Choose a matrimonial site which doesn’t display your photos

publicly as this instantly puts you at risk from bad characters and

just encourages ‘window shopping’

Keep away from sites where the majority of the people on the site

are NOT practising if you are. Although these sites market

themselves as being for Muslims, they are more like dating sites.

Avoid sites which don’t keep an eye on conversations! The

Prophet SAW said that when a man and woman are alone, the

third person is always shaytan (Bukhari), and this includes sites

where men and women are freely conversing with one another

Choose a matrimonial service which monitors all discussions and

interactions so there’s an additional layer of security for the

members

Stay clear from sites which don’t allow you to include your wali into

conversations, since this is a BIG cause of problems long term. It’s

not enough for your family to know you are looking to get married

and have registered with a site – your wali should absolutely be

included in the communications!

Is the site taking an active interest in helping you achieve your

religious duties? Are they helping to educate you? If not, then ask

yourself the TRUE value of the site. Marriage is not just about the

nikkah, it’s about staying together, avoiding haram and building a

solid foundation for future generations.

Choosing a matrimonial service should be straightforward process when

you know what to look for and more importantly what to avoid!

A site such as Pure Matrimony is perfect for practicing Muslims looking

to get married in a safe, halal way, and where security is the number

one priority.

The Pure Matrimony website offers the following big benefits:

Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic

values, personality and character rather than looks. You won’t

catch any photos on Pure Matrimony until you have established

compatibility with a prospective spouse. This has the big

advantage of preventing ‘window shopping’

Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondences

with other members in real time, so they are fully involved in the

process if you want them to be. Apart from fulfilling an Islamic

right, having a wali can PREVENT you from becoming the victim

of fraud online and is an additional security layer for you

Enhanced Profile Moderation - Every profile is carefully checked to

stop time wasters and those looking for ‘fun’ or dating, so your

imaan is never compromised

Discussions are Monitored and moderated to ensure the safety of

our members and also because the Prophet SAW forbid us to be

in seclusion with members of the opposite gender. Keeping

discussions monitored means your safety isn’t compromised and

you can search for a spouse with confidence

Shariah compliant - Endorsed by some of the largest Dawah

organisations and most respected Sheikhs in the West

Measurable Success - On average, three couples a week find

their Pure Match, and of these, two people EVERY week go on to

get married through Pure Matrimony

Regular webinars and education is provided to our community on

many marital and pre-marital issues