Draft 1

The white fish is a good source of lean protein being very low in saturated fats. It’s a great source of Vitamin B6 , Vitamin D and Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is very useful in helping our enzymes work well, and it is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like B6, magnesium also helps our enzymes work and has a major role in muscle and nerve function and the regulation of blood pressure. Vitamin D may have benefits in reducing the risk of cancer, although high doses of can lead to problems with the liver and the kidneys.

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is critical for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However, high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

Draft 4

Read the two drafts.

• Why is the second better than the first?• Why was the first sentence removed?

The first sentence foregrounds the rest of the paragraph. It tells you what it is going to tell you about. ( Topic)

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is critical for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However, high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

The next sentences describe what the nutrients do, says how important it is and/ or how likely it is.

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is vital for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However, high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

Nominalisation is • Verbs can be turned into nouns, which changes

the word from an action to a thing• A noun that is formed from a verb is called a

nominalisation.• Nominalisations are nouns that contain a

hidden action. • However, most readers expect the main action

to be found in a verb.• So we will mostly focus on scientific terms.

Science examples and useful others

Process Nominalisation

Resist Resistance

Distill Distillation

Evaporate Evaporation

Magnetic Magnetism

Conducting Conduction

Insulating Insulation

Move Motion

Orbit Orbit

Process Nominalisation

permit permission

force force

act action

writing writing

define definition

add addition

occur occurrence

Vitamin B6 is very useful in helping our enzymes work well (draft 1)

Turn into…

How does

This is called Nominalisation.

Vitamin B6 is vital for enzyme function,

Drafts of this sentence.

Can you spot:The action verb/ casual verb

the nominalisationthe object

and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease

Causal/ main action verb

Nominalisation Object

What do you recognise about this sentence structure?

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is critical for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However, high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

Draft 4

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is critical for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

Draft 4

Why is the sentence better than the simplified one?

Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer riskmore simply put “Vitamin D may stop you from getting cancer”1. Which of these is true?2. Is cancer and cancer risk the same thing?3. Will one factor affect how likely you are in developing

cancer?4. Is there evidence that vitamin D does have an effect? 5. Is there enough evidence?

So how is this sentence written that tells you this?

• Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk

We don’t know yet? It is still being researched?

Tells us that other factors are involved too

So how is this sentence written that tells you this?

• Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk

Tells us that other factors are involved too

Action verb. The main action. Therefore not nominalised to reduction. It is also more honest than “stops.” as more factors are involved.

White fish is a great source of Vitamin B6, Vitamin D and the mineral Magnesium. Vitamin B6 is critical for enzyme function, and is thought to reduce the risk of Cardio Vascular disease. Like Vitamin B6, Magnesium aids enzyme function. Furthermore it has a major role in muscle and nerve function, and in the regulation of blood pressure. Scientists are considering the role Vitamin D has in reducing cancer risk. However, high doses can lead to liver and kidney problems.

Draft 4

Why is this connective useful?

What does the word “can” tell us about this relationship? How would the meaning of the sentence “high doses lead to liver and kidney problems.” be different?

Information

Peaches have a lot of dietary fibre in them.People who eat lots of fibre have a lower chance of heart disease, diabetes and some cancers. Should eat 18g of fibre every day, but people on average eat 14g every day.One peach would give you 7% of your daily need. Apples have more fibre (17% per apple)

Foregrounding

What the nutrient does for health or the body?

S-V-O?Truth about data?

New subject?Main idea?Connective.