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How Well Do You Listen?

Like Him?1FYI ON COMMUNICATION*Americans gain 90% of their information from listening*We can think 4-times faster than we can listen100-150 words spoken vs. 250-500 words heard*More than 75% of what we hear is heard incorrectly. We forget 75% of the 25% that we heard correctly within a matter of weeks.*We spend at least 80% of our day listeningConsidering these statistics, people would do well to improve their listening skills.

How well do you listen?

ROAD TRIP Just close your eyes and LISTEN.Imagine that you are in the drivers seat of you car. You pull out of the school parking lot and go..

3Listening attentively without interrupting and then restating what was heard.

The main purpose of active / reflective listening is to clarify what was said.

The listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing.Are you saying You seem If the listener is wrong then the speaker can restate it in a different way.Active/Reflective Listening Is

4Active ListeningGetting Around Listening BlocksAsk Open Ended questionsClosed: Are you feeling bad today? Open: How are you feeling today?Use appropriate eye contact.7 blinks in 10 seconds = listeningNod if you understand or ask for clarification.Dont cross arms or legs or lean back. These are all non-verbal turnoffs.Lean slightly forward.This translates as being interested

5Active Listening Skills (cont.)Facial expressions and tone of voice.It is not so much what you say as how you say it!Dont stand or sit too close. This is a violation of personal space and makes the person uncomfortable.If standing, face the person and let your arms rest at your side. This translates as openness.Touch your face with your hand from time to time. This translates as thoughtful and contemplative.Be honest and sincere6Active Listening Skills (cont.)Stop talking and listen. Let them finish before you begin.Do not finish their sentences.Look like you are interestedBe in an appropriate environment to talk. Remove all distractions.Wait to offer advice until they ask for it.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend to Partner: Im so tired of you always choosing the activities that we do on dates. You never even ask me what I want to do, you just always expect me to like whatever you choose. I like being with you, but I also would like a say in what we do when we go out.Response:7The Wright Family StorySit in a circle, Indian style.Each person takes one piece of candy.You will pass it to the person to your right or left any time you hear the word right or left in the story.8What Affects Our Ability to Listen?Sounds & NoisesLack of interestAttitudeLack of ConcentrationPersonal bias towards the subjectThinking about something else mind wanderingYour moodHow you feelThe time of the dayThe temperatureThe speakerYour mental set

9More Listening BlocksI must defend my position.Im looking for an entrance into the conversation.I dont have time to listen to you.I already know what you have to say.

I know what you should do.

GHOTI10PracticePair up one speaker, one listener

Interview partner for 2 min.

Interviewers job is to encourage their partner to share information and feelings by using non-verbal signals and active listening skills.111st InterviewInterviewer needs to find out where person was born, favorite subject in school, have they ever cheated on a test, and feelings about premarital sex.

Switch roles.

2nd InterviewerNew interviewer needs to find out how many siblings they have, hobby, have they ever stolen anything, and philosophy of kissing.

12Partners discuss and evaluate the interview and the observed listening skills.Were you distracted while listening?Did you feel heard by your partner?How did you feel in each role?Do you feel like you know your partner better after this activity?

Was there anything you noticed during this activity that made you feel your partner was or wasnt listening to you?13You lazy bum! Where is the math book I let you borrow?14YOU MessagesDescribing someone else's behavior:Creates barriersPuts others downProvokes anger, hurt, embarrassmentIf you dont ------, Then I will-------

15I MessagesLets others know how you feelExpresses feelings without making people feel defensiveOpens up communicationBuilds trust and respectFocus on the action not the personRemoves criticism and blame

16I Message FormulaWhen I____________ (see, hear, know, dont)Describes the behavior

I feel________________Happy, sad, angry, doubtful, embarrassed, worriedDescribes the feeling experienced because of the behavior

Because ________________Describes the effect it has on you

The tone of voice affects the I-message

17You lazy bum! Where is the math book I let you borrow?18Practice a Couple MoreYou always ignore me when you are around other friends.You never listen to me so why should I even help you?Keep your scummy hands off of my stuff!You are such a lazy bum. You are either on the phone, watching TV, or gone. Start helping or find another place to live.Youd better turn down that music. I cant hear myself think.19