Founded in 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

L O S T ! One large , slightly worn micrometer + one quarter final, University Challenge

Imperial College's run of s u c c e s s in University Challenge

ended on Wednesday when they were beaten by St. Andrew's.

The team of Tim Pigden, Gordon Masterton, Alun Griffiths

and Martin S. Taylor had won three consecutive rounds of the

competition to reach the quarter-final

The Union mascot Mike was stolen from the Union Office

between 2 and 7 am yesterday morning.

T h e massive micrometer needs three people to carry it a n d was left

beh ind the U n i o n receptionist 's desk by a group , i n c l u d i n g President

N i c k M o r t o n a n d H o n o r a r y Secretary M a r c o L e d w o l d , w h o h a d just

returned f rom the U n i v e r s i t y C h a l l e n g e quar ter - f ina l in Manches te r .

T h e inc ident was reported by cleaners w h o found the Senior

C o m m o n R o o m door a n d the door connec t ing the S C R a n d U n i o n

office both open. T h e raiders are bel ieved to have entered through the

S C R a n d passed the mascot out through a S C R w i n d o w to a vehicle

w a i t i n g outside.

Immediate suspects were K i n g s Co l l ege w h o have twice broken into

the g y m n a s i u m look ing for their mascot Reggie since it was v io lated by

the R o y a l Co l lege of Science U n i o n last F e b r u a r y . H o w e v e r w h e n

M a r c o L e d w o l d went to a K i n g s U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g yesterday

M i k e was not on display .

Those responsible for the loss now believe C i t y a n d G u i l d s Col lege

U n i o n have M i k e whi le the p o p u l a r theory in the F E L I X Off ice that it

was taken by A r g e n t i n i a n scrap meta l dealers.

...and found again. T H E P H O E N I X 1982 has now a r r i v e d a n d is ava i lab le free f rom I C

U n i o n Office, the F E L I X office, the Bookshop, H a l d a n e L i b r a r y a n d

L y o n P l a y f a i r L i b r a r y .

T h e final score was 365 to 160 a l t h o u g h the result c o u l d have been

different h a d I C been s l ightly q u i c k er to answer. Indeed quest ion-

master B a m b e r Gasco igne re-assured the I C team several times that

their buzzers were w o r k i n g proper ly , as they were just beaten to it on

m a n y occasions.

In a rehearsal match consist ing of questions f rom a previous r o u n d St

A n d r e w ' s heavi ly defeated I C , a l though it was later revealed that St.

A n d r e w ' s h a d sat in on the r o u n d f rom w h i c h the questions were taken.

L a t e r i n the d a y S t . A n d r e w ' s d e f e a t e d M a g d e l e n C o l l e g e ,

C a m b r i d g e to reach the final.

T h e contests were recorded in the G r a n a d a Te lev is ion Studios in

M a n c h e s t e r w i t h each team l i m i t e d to 25 supporters. A l l the St.

A n d r e w ' s supporters a n d team wore red robes whi le despite h a v i n g to

t u r n a w a y m a n y w o u l d - b e s u p p o r t e r s I C d i d n ' t l i l l i ts q u o t a .

Af ter the contest President N i c k M o r t o n , fresh from his v i c tory i n the

b e e r - d r i n k i n g compet i t i on at the nearby P ineapp le , c ommented " w e l l

I suppose that 's l our fewer social colours w e ' l l be a w a r d i n g . "

T h e U n i o n mascot M i k e was taken to M a n c h e s t e r a l though its

present whereabouts are u n k n o w n .

"No. 613 Friday, May 7,1982 Free!

Letters

i to the

Editor

11 ,

Dear Mark

S i n c e y o u a p p e a l e d f o r

l e t t e r s I t h o u g h t I w o u l d

spend a little of m y valuable

t ime rep ly ing to your edi tor ia l

on " L i f e After M r M c C a b e " .

Barney remains m y friend.

I d o n o t u n d e r s t a n d t h e

workings of his m i n d but I l ike

h i m . However , he was a lazy

D P (to use your o w n descrip­

tion). I have no hesitation i n

saying that here or i n the

office since I have spent m a n y

months te l l ing Barney exactly

that. L a z y , inefficient, but

occasionally br i l l i ant ly inven­

tive.

T h e reason Barney has not

been appreciated i n the office

over the last few weeks is that

w e h a v e a l l b e e n o v e r ­

whe lmed by detailed figures

a n d u n p l a c e d o r d e r s . T h e

detective work necessary to

get to the bottom of accounts,

etc., has proved rather t ire­

s o m e . H o w e v e r , l a r g e l y

t h a n k s to t h e a c t i n g D P ,

everything is now straightened

an d we probab ly won ' t f ee l '

quite so bad about M c C a b e ' s

mess from now on.

Y o u r e m i n d your reader­

s h i p t h a t I d e f e n d e d the

E x e c u t i v e , i n c l u d i n g M r '

M c C a b e , against a r idiculous

mot ion of no confidence at a

U G M last term. A l l I can say

is " S o l i d a r i t y Brothers" .

F i n a l l y may I say that I do

not recognise Chr is t ine T e l l e r

as a deity, she is a bloody

nuisance at times.

Tours

N i c k Mor ton )

Dear Sir

F r a n k M u s t G o !

T h e F a l k l a n d Islands Cris is

brings out the best i n our

(resident nunc io—about 750

words of pure S D P b u l l . (God

bless D a v i d Owen ! ) . O u r m a n

at I C , and just how long has

F r a n k been here , r a m b l e s

f rom the Fa lk lands , through

S o u t h A f r i c a , i n t o E l S a l ­

vador , whips across to J a p a n

v i a Suez an d comes back to

L o n d o n v ia P l y m o u t h (Devon-

p o r t ) . W e m u s t a d m i r e

F r a n k ' s perambulatory skills.

H a s he thought of w r i t i n g a

book on his j ourney (John

H i l l a b y wou ld , I a m sure,

offer some guidance)?

I w i l l of course note Frank ' s

remarks on defence, cr ime

(and we do have a lot in

N o t t i n g H i l l ) P S B R and the

c i v i l service when I cast my

vote on Thursday .

(Shsh... .who was that m a n

who mentioned housing, fares

fare and pol ice -community

relations?).

Tours sincerely

D a v i d K e l s a l l

C h e m E n g P G

Dear Mark

It was w i t h disappointment

t h a t I f o u n d F r a n k J a m e s

( F E L I X 612) at tempting to

make cheap po l i t i ca l capita l

out of the Fa lk lands crisis at a

t ime when nat ional uni ty over

th is u n f o r t u n a t e ep i sode is

v i t a l . F r a n k claims that in

endeavouring to recover the

i s l a n d s , M r s T h a t c h e r is

a i m i n g to d i v e r t a t t e n t i o n

from the government's record

at home, an d somehow save

her o w n skin.

T h e t ru th is the complete

opposite of this. T h e business

cou ld not have come at a

worse possible t ime for the

government, when its econo-

m i c p o l i c i e s a r e a t l a s t

beg inning to bear fruit an d its

electoral support c l imb ing .

A l t h o u g h the vast major ity of

the p e o p l e a p p r o v e o f the

government's h a n d l i n g of the

dispute now, the first Br i t i sh

ship that sinks in the South

A t l a n t i c w i l l carry m u c h of

that support w i t h i t — p r o b a b l y

the chances of a T o r y victory

i n the next election as wel l .

T h e government's resolve j

t o r i g h t t h e w r o n g t h e

Falk landers have suffered, by

d i p l o m a t i c m e a n s i f at a l l

p o s s i b l e , b u t b y f o r c e i f

necessary is not just about the

islands, but about the cause of

freedom everywhere i n the

wor ld . It ill-becomes F r a n k to

snipe at it.

Tours sincerely

T i m Lawes

Dear Sir

In F E L I X 612 there was a

'Soapbox ' article by F r a n k

James , at tacking the conser­

vative government par t i cu lar ­

ly over its h a n d l i n g of the •

F a l k l a n d d i s p u t e . F i n e , I

agree w i th h i m so far. But at

the end there was a ca l l for us

to vote for L i b e r a l or S D P

candidates in the local elec­

tions because of this. Here I

must disagree. T h e M a y 6

e l e c t i o n s a r e f o r d i s t r i c t

c o u n c i l l o r s r e s p o n s i b l e for

s u c h t h i n g s as p l a n n i n g ,

housing and the environment

and in metropol i tan districts

f o r e d u c a t i o n a n d s o c i a l

services. T h e y do not have

any responsibility of course,

for foreign affairs.

As a l iberal I believe in

d e c e n t r a l i s a t i o n a n d t h e

i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e l o c a l

community . I believe these

e l e c t i o n s s h o u l d be t a k e n

seriously in their own right

and not be seen just as an

op in ion pol l on the govern­

ment's performance. It is only

in this way that we w i l l get

good and responsible local

government and resist calls

for greater government con­

trol of local authorities.

Tours sincerely

M a t t h e w H u n t b a c h

Dear Mark

W h a t the hel l is going on i n

the I C Bookshop? I was i n

there yesterday an d noticed

shelves filled w i th hundreds of

E n i d B ly ton titles! H a v e they

not read the recent evidence

that she was a jack-booted

fascist thug, born not 7 V 2

thousand miles from the m a i n

A r g e n t i n i a n port of Cap i tan o

L i n l e y a n i o ? W h a t is m o r e

they d idn ' t have the one I

wanted {Shadow the Sheepdog).

W e s h o u l d a p p l a u d

Mooney ' s move downstairs in

Southside an d make plans for

the next stage, the b u r y i n g of

M o o n e y , h is staff a n d his

disgusting corned beef i n a

mass g r a v e i n the Q u e e n s

L a w n .

I was glad to see that in

U n i v e r s i t y C h a l l e n g e the

questions were changed so as

to be more appropriate to I C

students. In the episode I saw

the team stormed home wi th

answers such as " N o d d y " an d

" T o a d of T o a d H a l l " ! W e l l

done boys!

W i t h letters l ike this can

anyone tell me why I wasn't

i n c l u d e d i n S F S o c r a g

N M E 3 ? I p u t i t d o w n to

insanity on their part.

Tours

M a j o r Cossarino

(BSc S A S S B S T S B )

Small Ads

• F o r d Escort 1100, excellent condi­tion, wide wheels, wheel arches, new paint work, stereo, etc., £ 3 8 5 o n o . Contact Vin Dhanak, Chem dept, Int 2639/2666.

• H o n d a C D 1 7 5 c c , re l iable, g o o d tyres, battery, long tax, MoT, £100ono. Steve Legon, Biochem Rm 608, Int 3531.

•Sinclair ZX81, 1V 2mths only £45. Contact S. Rolfe, Life Sci 1 (Biology pigeonholes).

•Vivltar 135mm t2.8 telephoto lens,

Canon fit, mint condition (boxed),

£35, P.J. Sergeant, Min Tech 3.

• A R 18s loudspeakers, 5mths old,

perfect condition, £65. Please contact

Mark Johnson via Civ Eng letter-racks

or Flat 6, 53 Evelyn Gdns, tel 373-5367.

•Guitar, Les Paul copy, black, good

looking. How about £40 then, eh? Neal

Champion, DoC 1, or Rm 24 Weeks

Hall.

• W o r l d w i d e Ai r t ickets ava i lab le

cheap from Sunita Ghandi, Physics 2

or 969-6717 evenings.

•Westbury Deluxe walnut finish, twin

dimarzios, excellent condition, hard

case, £135, S. Roberts, Maths 2, 581-

2832.

• Lost: silver Celt ic crucif ix, in or

around College on April 27. £5 reward.

Mike Munroe, Biochem 2.

•Single room in Sth Ken flat, £83pm

for summer only. C. Wilshaw, Chem

Eng 4, 370-5675.

• O n e place In double room in Mining

H o u s e , 10 min walk to C o l l e g e ,

pleasant working atmosphere, contact

Student Services.

• H e a d Tenancy flat for two in Fulham.

Suitable for family or two P G s . 2

rooms, kitchen, bathroom, quiet area,

£55pw. Contact Student Services.

• S o what am I supposed to do with 13

dead cats and a wide-mouthed frog.

Jokes, cartoons, naughty bits required

for next year's Rag Mag. Contact Andy '

Crawford, c /o FELIX Office.

•Sale of sports goods at Southside

Shop starting 11:00am, Monday May

10. Sport equipment, clothing and

many miscellaneous items reduced.

• R a g Fete, Rag Fete, Rag Fete, May

15, Queens Lawn. We need you and

your ideas for stalls. Many fabulous

prizes! Contact Ronan M c D o n a l d ,

ICU or your VP.

•Al ison and Andy are engaged as of April 19, 1982.

• F o r sale: 20 tons unwanted goat meal. Please contact Christine Teller in IC Union Office.

• S U M M E R J O B S

Cleaners needed for period June 26-S e p t e m b e r 20 for E v e l y n G d n s Summer Letting Scheme. Apply to Student Manager E G S L S , c / o the Warden, Holbein Hse, 62/3 Evelyn Gdns, London SW7 by May 12, 1982.

Page 2 FELIX, May 7, 1982

Rot sets in on Montpelier St

A b a d case of d ry rot in the

M o n t p e l i e r St. H a l l to a £16,000

b i l l for the I C Student Res idence

account .

T h e b u i l d i n g in M o n t p e l i e r

S t r e e t was p u r c h a s e d b y t h e

C o l l e g e last S e p t e m b e r a f t e r

repairs thought necessary by the

Co l l ege Estates Sec t i on h a d been

completed . H o w e v e r , since the

b u i l d i n g has been oc cup ied , a

fa i r ly serious outbreak of d r y rot

has lead to c r u m b l i n g wal ls a n d

ceilngs a n d some residents have

been m o v e d to vacated rooms

whi l e repairs are a t tempted .

It is not cer ta in that the rot

was present w h e n the b u i l d i n g

was purchased a n d that it was

not recognised by the Estates

section.

T h e £16,000 est imated cost o f

repairs c o u l d adversely affect the

l e v e l s o f r e n t f o r t h e n e x t

a c a d e m i c y e a r i n a l l C o l l e g e

residences.

Opsoc Marathon

O v e r f i f t y p e o p l e f r o m I C U

O p e r a t i c Society a n d ' Imper ia l

O p e r a ( a n o r g a n i s a t i o n f o r

f ormer O p s o c students) took part

i n a m a r a t h o n per formance of a l l

13 G i l b e r t a n d S u l l i v a n operettas

at the weekend.

S t a r t i n g at 12 noon on S a t u r ­

d a y , a constant stream of people

b a t t l e d t h r o u g h 28 h o u r s o f

s i n g i n g a n d d i a l o g u e . I n the

process they earned over £2,000

for the Save the C h i l d r e n fund by

sponsorship.

T h e event was organised by

Steve Bod le of I m p e r i a l O p e r a

a n d is a repeat of a n event first

a t t empted six years ago.

Student Dies T H I R D Y E A R physics student

L i a m S p r i n g was t rag i ca l ly k i l l e d

d u r i n g the Easter vacat i on .

L i a m d i e d i n a motorcyc le

acc ident o n M a r c h 30 a n d had

s tudied at I m p e r i a l for two a n d a

h a l f years.

Campbell discloses secrets

B r i t a i n ' s l e a d i n g i n v e s t i g a t i v e j o u r n a l i s t D u n c a n C a m p b e l l (New

Statesman) spoke to the L o n d o n Student J o u r n a l i s t G r o u p ( L S J G ) at the

U n i v e r s i t y o f L o n d o n U n i o n i n M a l e t Street last T u e s d a y .

D u n c a n is best k n o w n for expos ing te lephone t a p p i n g operat ions i n

Che l sea a n d Y o r k s h i r e a n d the g iant M I 5 c o m p u t e r i n M a y f a i r w h i c h

has the f a c i l i t y to t a p i n t o p e r s o n a l files i n o t h e r g o v e r n m e n t

d e p a r t m e n t s ( i n c l u d i n g the I n l a n d R e v e n u e , D e p a r t m e n t o f

E m p l o y m e n t a n d D H S S ) .

M r C a m p b e l l d i s l iked the term ' invest igat ive ' a n d said he was on ly a

j ourna l i s t w o r k i n g harder a n d d o i n g his j o b better t h a n most others.

H e po inted out that most o f his ' leads ' came f rom analysis of

i n f o r m a t i o n that is read i ly ava i lab l e a n d that c landest ine meetings i n

the m i d d l e o f car parks w i t h consc ience- torn c i v i l servants were

u n c o m m o n . M r C a m p b e l l felt that i f a story was factual ly correct a n d

i n the p u b l i c interest, no l i b e l proceedings or charges u n d e r the O f f i c i a l

Secrets A c t w o u l d be brought against the author or publ isher .

M r C a m p b e l l then answered a n u m b e r o f questions, m a i n l y on the

most successful techniques for a c q u i r i n g in f o rmat i on .

T h e L S J G is composed of people a l ready i n v o l v e d i n student

newspapers or w h o hope to start one. It was formed two years ago a n d

has m e m b e r s f r o m col leges , un ivers i t i e s a n d p o l y t e c h n i c s i n the

L o n d o n area. J

University Chess at IC

' I C : C o n s e r v a t i v e s " ~ >

Sir Keith Joseph MP Education

Secretary

speaks on

Education Policy lpm Tuesday 11th May

Huxley (Maths) 213

All welcome.

T h e B r i t i s h Univers i t i es Chess Assoc ia t i on ( B U C A ) he ld two major

events i n the U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l over the Easter break. O n A p r i l 3

a n d 4 B U C A beat the West G e r m a n Univers i t i e s 9:7 a l t h o u g h there

were no I C players on the team.

Immedia te ly f o l l owing this representative m a t c h 22 teams of six

representing 14 universit ies contested the B r i t i s h Univers i t i es T e a m

C h a m p i o n s h i p s w h i c h was w o n eas i ly by O x f o r d . S o u t h a m p t o n

finished second a n d a L o n d o n U n i v e r s i t y t eam was t h i r d .

I C students p l a y i n g i n c l u d e d D . B . L u n d , R . H a s a n ( L o n d o n 1),

R . A . Coles , H . C h a n ( L o n d o n 2) a n d J . Fraser M i t c h e l l , D . C l a r k e , S.

A M i r - A z i z i , A . K r u s z e w s k i ( L o n d o n 3). L o n d o n 2 were j o i n t e leventh

a n d L o n d o n 3 seventeenth.

D u e to the late w i t h d r a w a l of three teams an i n v i t a t i o n t eam was

formed to keep the numbers even for the 6 r o u n d swiss c o m p e t i t i o n .

T h i s team finished j o in t seventh a n d i n c l u d e d C . Burgess a n d N . M a l i k

from I C .

O L D C E N T R A L I A N S

Dr B A Jarrett PhD DIC A C G I FIMechE

G r o u p D i r e c t o r (Product Technology) L u c a s

Industries

M e m b e r of the L u c a s Execut ive

T e c h n i c a l D i r e c t o r of L u c a s C A V since 1976

C h a i r m a n of S G R D L t d a n d L u c a s M i c o s L t d

E d u c a t e d at C i t y & G u i l d s Col lege ( M e c h E n g

dept) 1940-43

This man is an Old Centralian-how

about you?

For further information contact:

Helen Brooks, Room 303, Sherfield Building

Mike Richardson, City & Guilds Union Office

Mechanical Engineering department.

FELIX, May 7, 1982 Page 3

Anti anti-apartheid

by N. Willson

" O h G o d , not another one of those self-

righteous anti-apartheid prat ts " is probably the

t y p i c a l r e a c t i o n o f a n I C s t u d e n t w h e n

s o m e o n e a s k s h i m to t h i n k a b o u t S o u t h

Af r i ca .

M o s t students here would agree that it's

wrong for a minority to assume control over a

majority. Practically no one would support the

use of machine guns and secret police to keep

the m i n o r i t y i n c o n t r o l . Y e t the c o m m o n

reaction to any protest over apartheid is one of

sneering and ridicule. O n the face of it there

doesn't seem to be any reason why people's

react ion should be like that. There are some

students here w h o are sympathetic towards

apartheid, but there aren't many of them and

• they usually don't have the guts to say so in

p u b l i c . M o s t s t u d e n t s a r e j u s t n o t t h a t

bothered, they're not really pro-apartheid but

anti anti-apartheid. This is a great pity because

S o u t h Afr i ca is one of those issues where

public opinion really counts , and you could

hardly imagine a more straightforward case of

an injustice that ought to be put right. But the

fact is that the anti-apartheid cause has got

itself a bad image, a n d it's largely its o w n fault.

The Ant i -Apar the id G r o u p here is unpopular

partly for the same reason that the Salvation

A r m y w a s (and s t i l l is) u n p o p u l a r . T h e i r

a p p r o a c h s u g g e s t s t h a t u n l e s s y o u a r e

c o n s t a n t l y d e e p l y c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e

injustices they draw attention to then you are

somehow inferior a n d ought to be ashamed of

yourself. It's a n unfair picture but it is the

impress ion that the apathetic masses of IC

tend to have, a n d it doesn't make them well

disposed towards the Ant i -Apar the id G r o u p .

A n d the Ant i -Aparthe id G r o u p is bound to

be disl iked because it's a political organisation

and therefore tainted with dishonesty. A t a

r e c e n t m e e t i n g o f t h e g r o u p s o m e o n e

s u g g e s t e d , p e r f e c t l y s e r i o u s l y , t h a t t h e

members should distribute themselves around

the audience in the next U G M so that they

could ask sympathetic questions about the

anti-apartheid resolution, to make it look as

though ordinary students are interested in the

motion. A n y organisation with people like that

in it is going to be l ooked down on .

A n o t h e r r e a s o n w h y a n t i - a p a r t h e i d is

unpopular is that it's so fashionable (except at

places like IC or Sandhurst ) . N o b o d y is going

to get into trouble for attacking apartheid and

people sense that a lot of the protests' against

apartheid are made only or largely because it's

the 'thing to do' . A n d it's likely that many

people involve themselves in anti-apartheid

because it makes them feel virtuous (the same

probably applies to I C C A G , b lood doning and

so on). Because of this, most of the leaflets and

booklets produced by anti-apartheid organisa­

t i o n s h a v e a n a t m o s p h e r e o f a r t i f i c i a l

ind ignat ion about t h e m . T h e style they ' re

written in wouldn't be used by anyone who

wanted to get uncommitted people on his side.

Phrases like 'a cr ime against humanity ' or 'the

i n t e r n a t i o n a l c o m m u n i t y m u s t d e n o u n c e '

aren ' t wr i t t en to sway publ i c o p i n i o n but

because they sound solemn and imposing. The

aim of a lot of anti -South Afr i ca protestors

seems to be a desire to present themselves as

fearless, altruistic fighters for People's Rights

because if expected of them by their party or

f a c t i o n . O r , e s p e c i a l l y w h e r e f o r e i g n

governments are concerned, they might want

to distract attention from their o w n practices.

S o a n e n o r m o u s a m o u n t of h y p r o c r i s y

surrounds the anti-apartheid movement, and a

lot of anti-apartheid statements (and books ,

f i l m s , a r t i c l e s , t e l e v i s i o n p r o g r a m m e s ,

interviews, press releases, U N resolutions)

have a synthetic air about them, they give the

impression of being manufactured by putting

together a list of the approved slogans in some

new permutation.

But the attacks on apartheid aren't always

just propaganda. U N Soc recently gave away

some anti-apartheid literature when they were

showing a film about S o u t h A f r i c a and among

the rubbish there was a book called 'Apar the id

i n P r a c t i c e ' , p u b l i s h e d by the U N . It 's a

compilation of apartheid regulations and laws

t r a n s l a t e d i n t o s i m p l e l a n g u a g e by L e s l i e

Ru b i n , who is (or was in 1976) an A m e r i c a n

pro fessor of law. It gives a m u c h c learer

picture of South Africa 's race laws than you'll

get from most anti-apartheid literature, and it

shows how far the authorities have gone to

m a k e a b o u t 8 0 % of t h e p o p u l a t i o n a

submerged class. " A n Afr ican living in a town

who conducts a class in reading and writing

without remuneration in his own home for a

few of his Afr ican friends is guilty of a cr iminal

offence..." (Bantu Education A c t , 1953).

" A n Afr i can factory worker who is absent

from work for 24 hours without permission.. . is

guilty of a criminal offence..." (Bantu Labour

A c t , 1964).

" A n Afr ican may not, even as a personal

favour and without receiving payment, repair a

defective electrical fitting in the living quarters

of a friend who resides on his employee's

premises as the job is classified as 'skil led ' . If he

does so, he is guilty of a cr iminal offence "

(Bantu Building W o r k e r s A c t , 1951). There are

lots of other examples in the booklet.

Apar t from the anti-apartheid movement 's

own shortcomings, there are several reasons

why IC students will tend not to go along with

their aims. F o r a start, nobody likes the word

'anti ' . It seems vaguely wrong to be exclusively

against something, even if the something is

d e f i n i t e l y b a d . ( A c o m m o n r e s p o n s e t o

questions about South Afr ica is 'What about

Iran/the USSR/Ethiopia/India/Poland etc?'

But the people who say that never seem to

protest about those countries either.) M o r e

i m p o r t a n t is the g e n e r a l t e n d e n c y a m o n g

s t u d e n t s t o w a r d s c y n i c i s m , not b e c a u s e

students have thought carefully and decided

that e v e r y t h i n g d e s e r v e s to be r e g a r d e d

cynically, but because it's fashionable. So

students tend to be mildly embarrassed by

words like ' justice' or ' freedom' and causes like

anti-apartheid consequently suffer.

T h e main r e a s o n why people won't do

anytHing about apartheid (such as voting for

U G M m o t i o n s ) is b e c a u s e t h e y c a n ' t be

bothered—and after all it's too m u c h to expect

p e o p l e t o be c o n s t a n t l y i n a s t e w o v e r

apartheid or anything else. But this is an issue

where things like U G M motions will do some

good and if anti-apartheid groups didn't turn

out so m u c h trashy propaganda (and the IC

group is better than most) then they could get

something done.

N. Willson

SALE SALE SALE SALE OF

SPORTS EQUIPMENT AT

Southside Shop (Opp Main Entrance)

May 10 Starting at 11:00am

Squash, badminton & tennis racquets,

footwear, tracksuits, sports clothing,

swimwear, miscellaneous items.

• T w o new files are now available for perusal in the Union Office giving details of scholarships and summer jobs.

• M r P. Andrews, ME3, would like to announce that he will be dancing naked in Trafalgar Square to celebrate the completion of his finals.

• IC Cycling Club has formed! Anyone in te res ted in r a c i n g or t o u r i n g w e l c o m e . F o r m s for L o n d o n to Brighton from Union Office, details of pre-run meeting next FELIX.

•Linstead hairdressing co; this week the Port Stanley airfield look. If the tongs don't make your hair curl, the conversation will. For appointment contact S. Todd, ME3.

• And a piece of string that's as

long as the time that he thought where

he'd buy it.

•Bet they can't see you together now,

but if you want more leaves—let me

know. Yours, the tree nearest Linstead

Entrance.

• L o o p y Lou whoops sorry thanks sad

sigh. Lurcher.

WANTED

D O N A T I O N S A N D S T A L L S

F O R T H I S Y E A R S

R A G F E T E

15th May

Page 4 FELIX, May 7, 1982

o . s . c .

There will be elections for the

82/82 Overseas Students C o m ­

mittee o n Wednesday , M a y 26 in

M e c h E n g 220 at l u n c h t i m e .

Please nominate candidates for

the following posts: C h a i r m a n ,

V i c e - C h a i r m a n , Secretary , Trea ­

s u r e r , P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r , E n t e r ­

t a i n m e n t s O f f i c e r , E x - o f f i c i o

member . Nominata ions should be

w r i t t e n o n the shee t p r o v i d e d

outside the U n i o n Office.

Angling

I must apologise to those of you

who were interested in the Ireland

trip as we unfortunately couldn't

d r u m up enough support to make

it v i a b l e . H o w e v e r , o n a f t e r ­

thought this trip may have been

s l i gh t ly a m b i t i o u s for o u r f irst

year. N e x t year will be a different

story when we have: union funds

and a larger membership , which is

why it is essential for anybody who

is at all interested in fishing to

come to our A G M today (Friday)

to elect next year's executive who

will contro l the use of union funds.

T h e m e e t i n g is at 1 2 : 3 0 p m i n

R o o m G 0 8 in the B o n e Bui lding,

C h e m i c a l Engineering and coffee

a n d b i s c u i t s w i l l be p r o v i d e d .

Labour

The A G M including elections for

next year's officers and the N O L S

c o n f e r e n c e r e p o r t is o n W e d ­

nesday, M a y 12 at 1:00pm in the

basement of 53 Princes Gate .

Harriet H a r m a n , Legal Officer

of the Nat ional C o u n c i l for C i v i l

L i b e r t i e s , w i l l be s p e a k i n g o n

Tuesday, M a y 18 at 1:00pm in the

U n i o n U p p e r Lounge .

Audio

Speakers come and go but none

have come a n d gone as well as the

old Q U A D E S L (so well in fact

that it hasn't gone yet!).

In the wake of such an out­

standing piece of theory put into

practice came another speaker

from Q U A D which should make a

bigger spalsh than even the first.

Ass igned point source proper­

ties, the E S L - 6 3 does what the o ld

Q U A D E S L used to do but m u c h

better.

A l l this introduct ion for some­

thing which I a m sure needs no

introducing. Q U A D , the company,

are coming to Imperial College on

Tuesday , M a y 11. They will be

d e m o n s t r a t i n g a n d e x p l a i n i n g

t h e i r h i - f i s y s t e m : the Q U A D

4 4 / 4 0 5 / F M 4 / E S L - 6 3 s .

This will be done at 6:30pm in

the Quiet R o o m , Q R 0 0 2 , Sherfield

Bui lding on Tuesday, M a y 11.

F o r an entertaining, educational

and mainly enjoyable lecture, I

strongly advise you to be there.

O r else!

Astrosoc

The last meeting of A s t r o s o c this

year will be in Physics L T 2 on

Tuesday , M a y 11, at 6:30pm when

we are proud to welcome Prof

J o h n Tay lor as our guest lecturer.

H i s lecture has the title " C a n we

unify gravity with the other forces

of nature?* and although this may

s o u n d s i m i l a r to D r I s h a m ' s

fascinating lecture on ' Q u a n t u m

G r a v i t y ' last term, the viewpoint

expressed promises to be very

d i f f e r e n t . M e m b e r s a n d n o n -

m e m b e r s a l i k e w i l l be m o s t

welcome.

Transcendental Meditation

Premenstrual tension?

Premature ejaculation?

Having trouble settling down to study, do you make excuses to

yourself to put off the work that you know you inevitably have to

get down to?

No? Well , would you simply like to enjoy your life more?

Transcendental Meditat ion is an easy and totally effortless mental

technique pract ised twice a day for about 20 minutes just sitting d o w n

comfortably with the eyes closed. This technique allows the mind to

automatically settle d o w n to quieter and more refined levels. T h e mind

remains very alert and yet the degree of rest obtained is far greater than

that at any point in deep sleep (see Scientific A m e r i c a n , Feb 1972 or The

Lancet , A p r i l 1970).

It is this profound restful state which brings about great benefits in daily

activity. T h e actual experience of meditating is extremely pleasant but

the whole purpose of practising T M is to enjoy the results. People who

practise T M find that they have much" more energy, that their thinking

becomes clearer, that any worries or anxieties gradually fade away. A

sense of inner wellbeing and calmness is brought about leading to more

e f fec t ive a n d d y n a m i c a c t i v i t y i n da i l y l i fe . T h e r e s u l t s a r e v e r y

spontaneous and accumulate with regular practice.

T M is not a cult or a k ind of belief-system, it is simply a mental

technique that anyone can practise and it works ! S o if you would like to

find out more there will be introductory talks on Tuesday a n d Thursday ,

M a y 11 and 13 at 1:00pm in H u x l e y R m 341.

Bookshop News

W i t h e v e r y p u r c h a s e o v e r £10 .00 , a free I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e

B o o k s h o p plastic carrier bag, superior quality, suitable for books ,

stationery, groceries, keeping your new hairstyle in place (on

rainy days) a n d a host of other uses.

W i t h every purchase under £10.00, there is a charge of 5p for

every Imperial Col lege B o o k s h o p plastic carrier bag, superior ,

etc., etc. , etc.

New Titles

Within Whicker's World— A l a n W h i c k e r , B m Tree B o o k s £8.95

British Birds—Cooders & Lambert , Co l l ins £12.95

Birdwatch Round B n f a i n - D o u g a l l & A x e l l , Col l ins £8.95

Let there be a u ;or /d -Fe l ix Greene , G o l l a n c z , £1.95

The Court at W i n d s o r - C h r i s t o p h e r Hibbert , Penguin £4.95

Book of Five R i n g s - M y a m o t o M u s a s h i , A l l i son & B u s b y £2.95

Well WHERE'S Your P r o b / e m ? - E d w a r d K o r e n , Penguin £1.95

Sister G i n - J u n e A r n o l d , Women ' s Press £2.25

The Aa>akening-Kate C h o p i n , W o m e n ' s Press £1.95

P o r t r a i t s - K a t e C h o p i n , W o m e n ' s Press £2.50

You can't keep a good woman d o w n - A l i c e W a l k e r , W o m e n ' s

Press £2.50

The Salt E a f e r s - T o n i , C a d e , B a m b a r a , W o m e n ' s Press £3.50

Prec ious B a n e - M a r y W e b b , V i rago £2.50

Harriet Hume-Rebecca West , K i r a c o £2.95

Magic T o y s h o p - A n g e l a Car te r , Virago £2.50

The Snow B a / / - B r i g i d B r o p h y , Al l i son & Busby , £1.95

The Good Church G u i d e - A n t h o n y Ki lminster , Penguin £3.50

Friday, May 14, 10:00am to 2:00pm Imperial Col lege D a y N u r s e ry JUMBLE SALE

Anything and everything to Katherine Choi at the Bookshop by

Wednesday, May 12.

Dancing

E a c h year, Imperial Col lege D a n c i n g C l u b sends a number of its more

talented and committed members (after al l , you've got to be able to

pract i se for a n h o u r every day) for pro fess iona l tu i t i on w i t h E r i c

Dona ldson in East Putney . There , they learn the ropes of competi t ion

dancing, and it is to Er i c ' s credit that he invariably produces a well-turned

out team from often raw recruits .

Dancing Club at Bristol Fr iday , February 5, saw what has now turned out to be a n annual

event—the S o u t h e r n Universit ies Ba l l , hosted by Br i s to l Univers i ty .

This event is usually held a few weeks before the Inter-Varsity D a n c i n g

Compet i t i on , a n d provides an invaluable opportunity for the team to get

used to dancing in front of hundreds of people, as well as giving them a

chance to eye up some of the opposit ion for the Nat iona l . Compet i t i on .

The object of the evening was to provide plenty of dancing and

entertainment for dancers of all standards to enjoy, so as well as the team

events , there was plenty of genera l d a n c i n g (to a l ive band) a n d

competit ions for people who had only just started dancing, as well as for

those w h o were more experienced.

The 'Off Beat ' section, although depleted comapred with the Inter-

Vars i ty C o m p e t i t i o n (because many teams, I C inc luded, wish their 'Off

Beat ' entry to be a surprise at the national competition) had two very

igood entries from O x f o r d a n d Br is to l , and was narrowly w o n by O x f o r d

I with a gangsterland play.

Later we were entertained by a

L a t i n - A m e r i c a n d e m o n s t r a t i o n

couple , the Dobinsons .

'In the r e l a x e d a t m o s p h e r e at

i B r i s t o l o u r q u i c k s t e p c o u p l e ,

jV i cky W e l s h and A l a n L o g a n ,

icame fourth. This was matched by

la f o u r t h p l a c e f r o m M e l a n i e

C o o p e r and S i m o n C a r t e r in the

W a l t z , a n d a f u r t h e r f o u r t h

position f rom Sally B a r t o n a n d

R i c h a r d Wil l iams in the cha-cha.

Rebecca M a y and A l a n E d w a r d s

I were unfortunate not to be placed

in the jive. Overa l l , Imperial came

fourth.

FELIX, May 7, 1982 Page 5

Sweet Freedom: the struggle for women's

liberation, by Anna Coote and Beatrix

Campbell, Picador £1.95.

A l l militant organisations and philosophies

have more or less the same approach , and

there are several characterist ics that militant

f e m i n i s m h a s i n c o m m o n w i t h , s a y , the

Socialist W o r k e r s Par ty or the M o r a l Majority .

This book , which is a n account of the women's

movement from the early sixties onwards , is

a n example of the output from the more

uncompromis ing k ind of feminisim, and it has

a l l the f e a t u r e s y o u ' d e x p e c t of m i l i t a n t

l iterature.

T h e strangest thing about a lot of pressure

groups is their apparent indifference to being

unpopular , the way they seem to be willing to

become ghettoes for the people w h o share

their beliefs, with the rest of the h u m a n race

more or less written off as fascists, c o m ­

munists , racists, traitors, sexists , etc. , as the

case may be. Feminists are one of the groups

w h o appear to have adopted this attitude of 'if

y o u a r e not w i t h us y o u a r e a g a i n s t u s '

(although this doesn't apply so m u c h to the

feminist group at I C , W I S T ) . T h e atmosphere

of the book is one of genuine disgust and anger

at the injustices caused by the selfishness of

m e n . The authors describe women 's griev­

ances in great detail and they're certainly

sincere, they don't hesitate to attack the

L a b o u r Par ty and the trade unions when they

think it's necessary. But although all

w o m e n are cons idered to be the victims of

male dominat ion , the women's groups are

descr ibed as smal l , conspiratorial organisa­

tions ('small groups, l inked by a sense of

involvement a n d a c o m m o n cause') forming a

k ind of underground resistance movement.

They communicate by c irculating ' i l l typed

roneoed sheets ' , a sort of feminist samizdat,

a n d they use the usual jargon-dialect. The

b o o k is a c e s s p o o l of j a r g o n w o r d s a n d

slogans, starting with the book ' s subtitle and

f o l l o w i n g w i t h a r g u m e n t s for d e s t r o y i n g

'masculinity as a social construct ' through

' h i g h l y c o m p l e x p o l i t i c a l a n a l y s e s ' w i t h

'analytical approaches ' a n d 'strategic priorities '

p laced ' in the context of cultural traditions

w h i c h objectify and silence women ' , etc., etc.

The style a n d format (with sub-headings and

a list of references after each chapter) are

partly meant to make the book seem more

learned a n d expert but mostly they're there

because i t ' s the c o n v e n t i o n a l style a n d it

probably wouldn't o ccur to the authors to

write in any other way. O n l y a relatively small

number of people will like such a style; no bus

conductor or dinner lady would read this book

a n d it 's unlikely that the authors would expect

them to. L i k e other militant activists, feminists

s e e m t o l i k e p r e t e n d i n g t h a t t h e y ' r e a

dedicated band of subversives, bravely

speaking out against the might of the system.

T h e b o o k d o e s n ' t t r y to a p p e a l to large

numbers of people, instead it's a imed at the

feminist intelligentsia, people like A n n a C o o t e

a n d Beatr ix C a m p b e l l . T o appeal to them it

has to maintain the pretence that they're

struggling in the face of appalling injustice and

repress ion, so overstatements are c o m m o n ,

for example " A n intensive war is waged against

w o m e n , to degrade them as h u m a n beings, to

deny their ideas and achievements , and to

suppress their o w n percept ion of the w o r l d . "

A n d since everyone likes to think that their

c l i q u e is t h e o n e t h a t c o u n t s t h e y a l s o

e x a g g e r a t e t h e i r o w n i m p o r t a n c e : " t h e

women's l iberation movement is one of the

most important political developements of this

century. . . . "

L i k e o t h e r m o v e m e n t s , s u c h as B l a c k

Consc iousness or the Democrat i c Unionists ,

the f e m i n i s t s h a v e t u r n e d i n t o a s o r t of

d i s t o r t e d m i r r o r i m a g e o f w h a t t h e y ' r e

attacking. They refer to women 's conferences

and positive act ion (discrimination in favour of

w o m e n a n d against men) without any sense of

irony. The authors , juding by the way they

write, regard men in general with contempt

a n d s o m e d i s g u s t . W o m a n a r e b e i n g

oppressed, in their view, by a huge complex

process control led by the cynical and power

hungry half of the populat ion, the men .

A l l in all there's little difference between

feminist propaganda, like this book , and that of

the K l u K l u x K l a n or the A n i m a l Liberat ion

Front , it's only preaching to the converted.

The feminists are saying things that need to be

s a i d b u t i t ' s a p i t y t h a t they s h o u l d be

represented by books like Sweet Freedom;

they won't lose their bunch-of -cranks image

until they start talking to the outside wor ld .

N. Willson

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie, Picador, 462 pages, £2.95. The g i m m i c k i s g i v e n a w a y i n t h e f i r s t

paragraph. W e learn of Sa leem, welded to

history by his b ir th a n d ancestry. The

remaining two last words expand a n d develop.

In the tradition of the story-teller we are

guided d o w n through three generations and

millions of litres of b loodshed as the A z i z and

Sinai families are g round between the events

that have shaped the last s ixty years in India.

D o w n t h r o u g h H a r t a l a n d p a r t i t i o n riot,

language battles a n d war , all the way to the

emergency. Saleem's betrayal by the m a n he

should have been, a n d the betrayal of the

chi ldren of independance to the Widow and

her son from the pivot of this extraordinary

book.

Whi le " M y presentation of the Emergency in

the guise of a six hundred a n d thirty five day

I I iiiOi • S a l m a n R u s h d i e

l o n g m i d n i g h t w a s p e r h a p s e x c e s s i v e l y

romantic a n d certainly contradic ted by the

available meteorological d a t a " it contains more

truth than the grab-for-personal-power usually

descr ibed. T h e castration of hope and the

subsequent feast for the Benars i pie dogs,

describes well the uselessness of M r s Ghand i ' s

opponents.

L i k e all good stories this one has magic ,

money and love to sweeten the moral . A n d

Rushdie can tell his powerful but depressing

s t o r y so as to m a k e it c o m p u l s i v e . W i t h

flowery prose a n d resigned humour he can

generate a sort of nostalgia for the India of

mutilated beggars, B r e a c h C a n d y and casual

death that st icks with me.

If you have ten hours spare before the

exams, this is the way to fill them. Midnight's

Children is very good.

Tom Owen

Zig-Zag by Richard Thornley, Picador

£1.95.

Picador have discovered a good writer at last.

There are three long short stories in the book ,

c a l l e d ' G a s t a r b e i t e r ' , ' J e w e l s ' a n d ' T o u r i s t

At t rac t i on ' . They ' re all written in the first

person . T h e first story is very good, and it's

w o r t h getting the book for that one alone. It's

about a hitch-hiker in G e r m a n y who gets a lift

o n a heavy lorry to Be lg ium a n d drives it part

of the way himself. It doesn't sound very

p r o m i s i n g b u t b e c a u s e of the i n t e r e s t i n g

documentary details a n d because it's very well

w r i t t e n , i t ' s t h e b e s t t h a t P i c a d o r h a v e

publ ished for years .

T h e story starts with the hero leaving a

G e r m a n hostel a n d catching an underground

t r a i n t o w a r d s t h e a u t o b a h n , w h e r e he

eventually gets a lift f rom a lorry just as it's

starting up for the day. The hero , who ' seems

to be the author , is a k i n d of modified late

sixties figure, he drifts around Efirope carrying

a f e w b e l o n g i n g s i n a p l a s t i c b a g . A n

unexpected t o u c h is that both the hero and

the lorry driver are ex-public schoolboys and

the lorry driver says he's p r o u d of it. It's one of

the things that make the atmosphere slightly

different f rom what you 'd expect , like the late

s i x t i e s a t m o s p h e r e b u t w i t h m o s t of the

psychedel icness replaced by gritty real ism.

The account of the lorry journey and the

conversat ions about long distance driving are

very convinc ing a n d interesting, but he's not

so strong on characterisation. The next two

stories depend a lot on characterisation and

they're mediocre , nowhere near as good as the

first. T h e second one, 'Jewels ' , is about life on

a F r e n c h a n a r c h i s t c o m m u n e . (The s to ry

takes place before the events of the first one,

the publishers seem to have put ' 'Gastarbeiter '

first as a sort of bait.) It starts well for the first

t e n p a g e s o r s o b u t t h e n i t b e c o m e s

preoccupied with inter-personal relationships

and since there are eight or nine characters all

m u c h the same it's hard to remember which is

which . T h e third story 'Tourist A t t r a c t i o n ' is

about a n Italian merchant who sells trash to

tourists a n d wants to go to Cal i fornia and get

r i ch by selling cars . It's written f rom the point

of view of his friend who w or ks at another

market stall. It's about as interesting to read as

the second story. But 'Gastarbei ter ' is very

good , if R i chard Thornley can write something

else as good as that it'll be well w o r t h reading.

N. Willson

Page 6 FELIX, May 7, 1982

H. G. Wells

First of a l l let me tell anyone who still thinks that

there w i l l be two sabbatical Wellsoc posts next

year, there won't be. The last Wellsoc article was

an A p r i l Fool and it d id take in quite a few people

I know. Most worried was my External Secretary

who was most annoyed at not having been told

that she was to have a year off.

The Wellsoc D inner was a splendid affair at

the Penta Hote l . I won't say any more about it

since those of us who were there know what

happened. Those of you who weren't couldn't

really give a toss.

A l l the posts but one were filled at the A n n u a l

General Meet ing of the society. We do still need,

however, a Publiqity Officer. The job w i l l entail

creating Wellsoc posters for the weekly lectures.

It isn't that difficult and can be done after a few

minutes intsruction. The perks of the job include

meeting and d in ing with interesting speakers,

having a say in who the speakers are, learning

how to make posters, but best of a l l getting to

know me.

If you are interested get in touch via Physics

U G pigeonholes.

F ina l l y be sure and come to our first lecture of

this term 'Cybernetics ' by D r . Pask. Y o u ' l l be

suprised how close science fact is to science

fiction. I t ' l l be in Elec E n g 408, 7:30pm on

M o n d a y .

Pallab Gosh

Rag Fete 1982

This year's R a g Fete is on Saturday, M a y 15 at

2:00pm on the Queen's L a w n . If anyone wants to

help r u n a stall then contact R a g v ia the U n i o n

Office as soon as possible. If you have access to

anything you think may be suitable to auction or

offer as a raffle prize or i f you just feel compelled

to donate something that would benefit R a g then

rush around to the U n i o n Office now.

S U B W A R D E N

A S S I S T A N T S U B W A R D E N S

F A L M O U T H K E O G H H A L L S

Applications are invited for the post of Subwarden.

Rent-free accommodation in the form of a small

self-contained flat is provided. The essential duties

of the past are to assist the Warden in the day-to­

day running of the Hall .

In addition, one or more Assistant Subwarden-

ships may be available. These posts carry with

them rent-free accommodation in the form of a

study bedroom in return for duties associated with

those of Subwarden.

The posts require individuals who can display

enthusiastic and conscientious application, initia­

tive, personality and responsible outlook.

The successful applicants for the above posts

would normally be postgraduates, but applications

from others will be considered.

Applications, including a concise but informa-'

tive curriculum vitae, should be made to the

Warden, Dr P.W. Jowitt, Department of Civi l

Engineering. The closing date is Friday, May 21,

1982. A single application will suffice for both

categories of appointment. Applicants should note

that appointment will be made by interviews from a

short list selected on the basis of the letters of

application.

Cricket A p r i l 28 saw the start of a new season of the

best a n d most E n g l i s h of o u r n a t i o n a l games,

p l a y e d w i t h idealistic C o r i n t h i a n attitudes

a n d O l y m p i a n ethos of p r i m a r y i m p o r t a n c e -

a m a t e u r i s m at its best, exempl i f ied by a n

astute spectator, awakened from his sleep,

y e l l i n g " G i v e it some wel ly , s o n ! " A l l too

soon are those student days gone forever, the

days of festering support garments d r a p e d

over radiators throughout residence halls , the

b ig wide w o r l d beckons as the new graduate

e m e r g e s f r o m h i s c o c o o n , to l e a r n t h a t

fairness a n d real ity are often opposed; never

aga in w i l l that great u m p i r e in the sky smile

favourably u p o n h i m a n d beer w i l l a lways

cost more t h a n 40p a p int .

P l a y e d t w o , w o n t w o c a n ' t be b a d ,

especially w i t h 412 runs scored for the loss o f

10 wickets. Che lsea Col lege were we l l beaten

by I C 1st X I 6182 for 3 dec) at H a r l i n g t o n ,

W e d A p r 28. T h i s 40 overs m a t c h pr odu c ed a

magnif icent 100 N O by our o w n N e i l C l a r k

a ided a n d abetted by that r o t u n d G e o r d i e

M r B e l l , d ispersing that sk i l l is needed to p lay

cr icket , w i t h 33 stripey runs w i thout the a i d

of a n i r o n - l u n g . C l a r k ' s ton f inished off the

oppos i t ion w h o mustered 143 for 8 off their

overs, w i t h T e a r t a k i n g 4 for 28 (as he keeps

t e l l ing us) a n d E a s t l a n d , 3 for 12. Sundays

excellent hosts, M a g d a l e n Col lege , O x f o r d ,

aga in p r o v i d e d marve l lous hospital i ty w h i c h

we d u l y thanked them for by g i v i n g them a

good o l d stuffing w h i c h must have made their

c u c u m b e r sandwiches h a r d to stomach. B e l l

(57) a n d Magness (82), after a good start by

our openers, p rov ided the f ireworks, l e a d i n g

to 2 3 0 f o r 7 d e c l a r e d . T h e o p p o s i t i o n

cap i tu la ted for 132, w i t h S i m p k i n a n d T e a r

apologet ical ly tak ing 3 wickets each.

Football 4 ' A ' s i d e i n d o o r s o c c e r l e a g u e s t a r t i n g

soon. F o r details a n d pract ice come to the

vo l l e yba l l courts b e h i n d chemistry b u i l d i n g

o n T u e s d a y , 1 2 : 3 0 p m ( b r i n g k i t ) . S ta f f ,

students, layabouts , O A P s , etc. A l l welcome.

Q Sailing A l a r g e c o n t i n g e n t o f I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e

d e s c e n d e d o n the de fence less " c l o g g i e s "

d u r i n g the first week i n A p r i l to sail i n the

" Z e In ternat i ona l S tudenten Sport T o E r

N o u i " at T i l b u r g in H o l l a n d .

T h e event opened on Wednesday w i t h a

smal l amou nt of sa i l ing , w h i c h we w o n ,

fo l lowed by a " t o r c h race " . F o r this they

offered a pr ize for the most r id i cu lous team,

I C took it as a n opor tuni ty to throw mo l ten

w a x r o u n d the place whi lst r a c i n g three

legged w i t h f lashing bow ties or c a r r y i n g

i F i o n a . D e s p i t e t h e s o m e w h a t c o m i c a l

appearance of S trathc lyde U n i v e r s i t y i n their

kilts they d i d not mer i t as h igh ly on the

D u t c h " o r i g i n a l i t y " scale a n d so I C took the

prize .

T h u r s d a y saw some more sa i l ing w h i c h we

w o n . T h e T i l b u r g II v o l l e y b a l l t eam were

short of members , so I C S C took u p v o l l e y b a l l

a n d J u l i a n b r o k e a f i n g e r . T h e f i r s t I C

hospita l case. Sue f i n d i n g that car boot l ids

are harder t h a n heads, made the second I C

hospital case as she went to have her eye

patched together.

A t this stage it seemed a good t ime to teach

the oppos i t ion h o w to boat race. T h i s t ime

w i t h " b i e r " (lager) served i n ' / 3 p t glasses.

D o w n i n g two each I C st i l l m a n a g e d to w i n .

F r i d a y , sadness. S l i ght error or j u d g e m e n t

L e i d e n get 1st, 2 n d , 3 r d on the start l ine

sai l ing. T h e rules -do not a l l ow the t a k i n g of

"greens" but insist instead on 720° turns (two

complete revolutions) a n d at once it seems I C

should take up b a l l r o o m d a n c i n g so good are

they at p i r o u e t t i n g . H o w e v e r , this gives

L i e d e n v i c tory , i n their o w n boats, w h i c h

inc identa l ly w e r e / w e r e not as exc i t ing to sai l

as " o p t i m i s t s " . H o w e v e r , since they were the

on ly team to beat us, I C came second. A b o u t

this point i n a n artist ic d i s e m b a r k a t i o n P a t

left a boat after a b l ow on the nose f rom a

boom. T h i r d I C hospital case. T h e n back to

the bar ( "canteen") for l i q u i d consolat ion,

for losing, H e x a p a w n p layed w i t h glasses on

a t i led floor a n d bottle rac ing , w h i c h we w o n .

T h a n k s to " P e n d r a g o n K a t h o l i e k e

H o g e s c h o o l " for excellent organisat ion a n d

to N i c k for use of his v a n a n d to P a t for

organisat ion a n d use of his car.

T h e cast: Debbie, Fiona, Graham, Ian, Jim,

Julian, Mike, Nick, Pat, Richard, Simon, Sue.

& Hockey Mixed

T h e W o r t h i n g M i x e d H o c k e y F e s t i v a l

Stevie led his merry b a n d .

D o w n to the coast to sea a n d sand,

B u t a l though we wished for b l a z i n g sun,

A s it t u r n e d out there wasn ' t none!

P h i l W e b b came d o w n from L o n d o n t o w n

A n d looked us up b e a r i n g a f rown

So as we knew the veterans weren ' t p l a y i n g

W e put h i m on a n d started p r a y i n g !

Despite Ph i l ' s m a p we c a m p e d on site

A n d set about cont rac t ing frostbite!

T h e late a r r i v a l o f K a r e n a n d S a r a h

W a s exp la ined by the c a l l for a car repa i rer

B a r r y ' s c l apped out T r i u m p h i f seemed

H a d f inal ly gone a n d r u n out of steam!

T h e first game was lost 1-0 I ' m a fra id

So was the second—but on we p layed .

W e found a p u b to sit a n d t h i n k

A n d were he lped out by some hal f -pr ice

d r i n k s !

F o r A n d r e w this was the weekend's h igh

— N o t the hockey but the che fs turkey pie !

S u n d a y d a w n e d to peaceful snores

As we p l a y e d out a n i l - n i l d r a w

H o w e v e r everyone was heard to rave

A b o u t Jonesey 's fabulous penalty save

T h e last m a t c h o n we h a d to w i n

So Steve a n d A l i s o n tucked goals i n

T h e n B a r r y a n d P h i l added two more

T o make the score—you 've guessed i t — f o u r

T h e reason for the w i n was c lear

— B a r r y a n d P h i l h a d taken to beer

H o w e v e r w e l l they p layed I insist

T h a t both of t h e m were tota l ly pissed!

T h e squad : C. Jones, R. Mason, B. Franklin,

C. Riley, A. Stroomer, J. Hannah, S. Parker, A.

Law, A. Wall, A. Garms, K. Barnett, S. Halbard,

P. Webb.

Andy Stroomer

FELIX, May 7, 1982 Page 7

What's On

Mike

T h e mysterious disappearance of the IC

U n i o n mascot M i k e must be a total surprise to

m a n y , not l eas t N i c k M o r t o n a n d M a r c o

L e d w o l d . M i k e has been kept under lock and

key for so long that it seems inconceivable that

someone should just happen to swipe it on this

rare occas ion of vulnerability.

T h e appearance of M i k e at Wednesday 's

Univers i ty Chal lenge match in Manchester

was its first outing for a long time. F o r m e r

D e p u t y President Barney M c C a b e was too

lazy to take it to U G M s half the time and failed

to take M i k e to previous Univers i ty Chal lenge

matches , despite a U G M mot ion mandating

h im to do so.

N i c k M o r t o n and M a r c o L e d w o l d knew this

very well and were obviously trying to make

amends, but once more they seem to have

bungled it. M i k e shouldn't really have been left

unattended in the U n i o n Office at all! W h y

didn't N i c k or M a r c o take it back to their

rooms , for instance, where it wou ld have been

m u c h safer?

It s e e m s t o m e t h a t s o m e o n e o n t h e

Univers i ty Chal lenge coach seized o n the

opportunity of stealing it for some strange

reason (after al l , they were probably the only

people a r o u n d at 2am) a n d capital ised on

the dynamic duos ' unfortunate mistake.

Hard Luck! The defeat of the Univers i ty Chal lenge team

puts an end to a run of victories which must

have done a tremendous amount of good for

the College 's reputation. A l u n Grif f i ths, T i m

Pigden, M a r t i n Tay lor and G o r d o n Master ton

should all be congratulated for their efforts.

They played very well and have undoubtably

paved the way for more frequent participation

in Univers i ty Chal lenge by this Col lege .

It was very annoying to find that five people

who said they wanted to go to Manchester

didn't turn up as promised , as we only had 25

people at the studio. M a r c o turned people

away in fact, and so these five lowly creatures

should be ashamed that they didn't tell h im

earlier.

Steve Goulder's 21 st O n Sunday , President-elect Steven Gou lder

celebrates his 21st birthday. O n behalf of all

the F E L I X staff I'd like to wish many happy

returns to one of the more helpful, honest and

likeable students at I C .

(PS: That ' l l be £5 Steve!)

The Phoenix G e t your free copy now!!! Available from the

B o o k s h o p , Haldane Library , L y o n Playfair

L ibrary , U n i o n Office and F E L I X Office. There

are limited supplies so come early etc

Credits M a n y thanks to Peter , Pal lab, Steve , N i c k ,

Dave , M a z and H u g h (our temp!).

F o l l o w i n g the theft of M i k e , I C ' s be loved

mascot , this co lumn is proud to be the first to

a n n o u n c e the n e w s e c u r i t y a r r a n g e m e n t

agreed by C o u n c i l at a special meeting late last

night.

W h e n we get it back , M i k e will be held in

p l a c e by s e v e r a l p a d l o c k s . K e y s w i l l be

distributed to the E x e c and no one will hold

keys to all the locks . In fact no two or even

three E x e c members will be able to remove

M i k e . Q u o r u m has been agreed as four, and so

keys will be al located in such a way that any

four of the six E x e c members will be able to

use their keys collectively to unlock M i k e .

T h e plan w or ks well enough on paper, but

I'm beginning to wonder if C h r i s Teller has

cons idered the finances; I for one wouldn't like

t o b r e a k it t o h e r t h a t s h e ' l l n e e d at

least padlocks?

Solutions, comments and criticisms to me at

the FELIX Office, please. There is a prize of E5

(donated by Mend-a-Bike) plus two tickets to

the IC Orchestra concert a week on

Wednesday and two tickets to the I C C h o i r

concert a week on Fr iday for the correct entry

randomly selected at 1:00pm on Wednesday .

L a s t Week's Solution

If two of them agree, they cannot both be

mathematic ians, so H and F are mathema­

ticians a n d G is the physicist. N o w if F is pure,

his reply about it will be " H e is appl ied" which

could equally well be the reply of an applied

mathematician. S o F is applied and must have

said ' H is a physicist ' or ' H is pure ' or even ' H is

a modern linguist'!

F o u r people got it right, Ash ley Kanter ,

M a t h s 2, is the winner.

Easter Puzzles Amble has a budgie.

Bumble has a cat.

C r u m b l e has a cat and two dogs.

Drudge has a cat and two dogs.

Eager has two snakes.

Michael A r t h u r was the only person to

enter, so he can collect £5 next Monday

afternoon. Other solutions can wait till there's

more room on the back page, which won't be

long if the summer term apathy follows its

usual course.

R E D C R O S S

6 week first aid course

commencing

Thursday 13 May

at 6:00pm

Bot/Zoo Common Room

All welcome.

Friday, May 7 •Soup Run, 10:30pm, Falmouth Kitchens.

Saturday, May 8 •Jelly and ice-cream party with lots of silly kids games,

9:00pm, Willis Jackson House, 65 Evelyn G d n s , 50p.

Monday, May 10 'Sale of Sports Goods, 1:00am, Southside Shop

(opposite Southside Main Entrance). Sports equipment,

clothing and many miscellaneous items.

•Wellsoc present 'Cybernetics ' , 7:30pm, Elec Eng 408.

E n t r y by instant m e m b e r s h i p . Find out how c lose

science fact is to science fiction.

•Dancing club advanced class, 7:30pm, J C R .

Tuesday, May 11 • P iml ico C o n n e c t i o n meeting to f ind out about

tutoring for 1982/3, 12:30pm, Elec Eng 606. L u n c h

provided (30p).

•Sailing Club A G M , 1:00pm, M e c h Eng 640.

•Sir Keith Joseph, Secretary of State for Education,

speaking on Education Policy, 1:00pm, Huxley (Maths)

213. A l l welcome.

•Introductory talk on transcendental meditation,

1:00pm, Huxley 341. Everyone welcome.

•Astrosoc lecture ' C a n we unify gravity with the other

forces of nature?' by Prof J o h n Taylor, 6:30pm, Physics

L T 2 .

•Audio society lecture by Q U A D , 6:30pm, Quiet R m ,

QR002, Sherfield Building. Q U A D will be demonstrating

their famous 44 /405 /FM4/ESL-63 system.

• I C C A G soup run, 10:30pm, Falmouth Kitchens.

Wednesday, May 12 •Labour Club A G M , 1:00pm, P G R m , Basement of 53

Princes Gate.

•Dancing club intermediate class, 7:30pm, J C R .

Thursday, May 13 • S T O I C presents News-Break, 1:00 and 6:00pm, J C R

and Halls. After the 6:00pm showing of News Break

there will be a repeat showing of IC's success against

Reading in University Challenge.

•Introductory talk on transcendental meditation,

1:00pm, Huxley 341. A l l welcome.

Caption Competition A prize of a free haircut for the best caption

t o t h i s p i c t u r e , d o n a t e d b y J i n g l e s of

Gloucester Road . Entries to the F E L I X Office

by 1pm Wednesday .

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince

Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (589-5111 ext 1048 int 2881) Copyright FELIX 1982. Editor: M A Smith, Advertising Manager: S M Giblin.