hundreds of free sms - pkshops · hundreds of free sms 3 contents 1. sms collection (english) 2....

Hundreds of FREE SMS

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http://www.pkshops.com


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Hundreds of FREE SMS & J ok es

Vol: 01

Send to Your Friends &

HAVE FUN http://www.pkshops.com

Permission Make A Difference With These FREE Pass On Rights As a reader of this book you are hereby given the right to pass this on to your friends, relatives or any group of people you think will benefit from it. If YOU have a newsletter, contact list, website or use offline print media then you can give it to your Customers, Subscribers or Web Visitors the benefit of this ebook and make a profit for yourself. Do Not Change its Contents






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Contents

1. SMS collection (English)

2. SMS Collection (Urdu and Punjabi)

3. Jokes (Urdu and English)

4. Bonus Light Bulb (How many---- does it take to fix a

bulb).

5. Some More Jokes



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SMS collection

English ************** ***********

9 messages received

1 Hi! 2 How r u? 3 Hope ur ok 4 Miss u! 5 Miss me? 6 Be happy 7 Take care 8 Bye 9 Ab mat kahna ki SMS nahi karte...

************** *********** Owner: When I beat u how does u control your anger? Servant: I START CLEANING TOILET owner: how does that satisfies u? Servant: I clean with your tooth brush......

* ************** ***********

F.........Friends R.........Responsible I.........Intelligent E.........Exciting to be Around N.........Nice Always D.........Dependable S.........Smiles a Lot.. F.........Friendly Personality O.........Outstanding R.........Really Great Memories E.........Excellent Listener V.........Very Kind E.........Enjoyable R.........Remember our friendship

*************** ***********



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BEST 3 COMEDY LINES IN OUR LIFE... 1 ) Don’t disturb i wan2 study 2) no class, lets go2 library!! & the Best 1 is.... 3) sir I have a doubt...

************** ***********

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue? Santa: Very long!

* ************** ***********

PIA Airline: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm because AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50...

* ************** ***********

Teacher: why are u late? Student: there was a man who lost an rs.100 note. Teacher: that's nice. Was u helping him look for it? Student: no, I was standing on it

* ************** ***********

One Time Ago.... Only idiots used.... to read my SMS and Today, The history continues...

* ************** ***********

When I call you, 1 ring means I ' m thinking of u, 2 rings means I like you, 3 rings means I am missing u, 4 rings means I need u, 5 rings mean.. BEHRE PHONE UTHA!

* ************** ***********

><(((:>I send this fish as a sign of friendship Please take care of it & keep it in mobile & daily put your mobile in water so tat fish wont DIE:-

* ************** *********** One day Raja and rani decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile. The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message. He angried and called to rani. She told stupid "This was a missed call"

* ************** ***********

Terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded a ransom of 500000 Rs. or else they will burn them with kerosene... please donate. I have donated 15 liters.



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* ************** ***********

One day Santa’s Girlfriend asks him, Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING? Santa: Yeah sure, give me your Telephone

* ************** ***********

Fill in the blank...I am your .....friend- a)-Cute b)-Sweet c)-Loving d)-Boy/Girl e)-Best of all Reply is a must...

* ************** ***********

Do U know the full form of COLLEGE- C-Come, O-On, L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each, G-Girl, E-Equally......That’s why boys go to college regularly....

* ************** *********** FriEnDShiP RoSe ......... , . - . - , _ , ....... ......... ) ` - . .> ' `( ....... ........ / . . . .`\ . . \ ........ ........ |. . . . . |. . .| ........ ......... \ . . . ./ . ./ ......... ........... `=(\ /.=` ......... ............. `-;`.-' ............ ............... `)| ... , ........ ................ || _.-'| ........ ............. ,_|| \_,/ ........ ....... , ..... \|| .' ............. ....... |\ |\ ,. ||/ ............. .... ,..\` | /|.,|Y\, ............ ..... '-...'-._..\||/ ............. ......... >_.-`Y| .............. .............. ,_|| .......

* ************** *********** Can you lend me 2000 Rs? I need it. Please help me out, I know you have it,I will return it . A sardar asks to ATM machine???????

* ************** *********** Open with Love... If I disturb U I am Sorry! But I need To Say I... Love... Disturbing you

************** *********** Let's share the world. A sea is for you, and waves are for me.



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The sky is for you, and stars are for me. The sun is for you, and light is for me. Everything is for you, and you are for me...

************** ***********

Find arms that will hold your at your weakest, eyes that will see your at your ugliest, heart that will love at your worst, if u have found it, you have found love

************** ***********

Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

************** *********** What happened 2 your mobile? I was trying 2 call u but I got this msg: welcome 2 D jungle network, D monkey u r tiring 2 call is on tree please try later…

************** *********** Husband asks, do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means...Without Information Fighting every time! WIFE says No, it means With Idiot for Ever.

************** ***********

Roses are available in more than one color, red. Violets come in other colors too besides blue. Sugar rots your teeth because it is so sweet. But there is no doubt, I love you. Love you with all my heart

************** ***********

Your hair is brown like the finest chocolate your eyes are beautiful like the finest piece of art your slightest touch makes me lose all my worries that is why it can only be you that is meant for me....

************** *********** My soul is shattered without your arms to hold me, like a mirror without a reflection.

* ************** ***********

It will catch up to you whether you want it to or not, make your heart swell and tie it up in a knot.



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You won’t know what it is but you'll feel it inside. Your feelings for this person well up inside. Then no matter how far and no matter how near...

************** ***********

Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are Tanki I am Tarzan you are Monkey

********* Tongue twister ***********

Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

************** ***********

When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.

************** ***********

Sweet candies are nice to eat.. Sweet words are easy to say.. But, sweet people are hard to find.. OH MY GOD! How did u find me? -

************** *********** You are stupid s 4 super .. t 4 talented .. u 4 unique .. p 4 person .. I 4 in .. d 4 demand

************** ***********

You are a donkey d 4 decent .. o 4 outclass .. n 4 nice .. k 4 kind .. e 4 excellent .. y 4 young

************** ***********

VERY... Cute, Gorgeous, Genius, Good- looking, Intelligent, One in Trillions...I think its enough about ME, what about U....

************** *********** Sorry to disturb u its urgent, Can u fax me your photo graph, Serious matter has come up actually v were playing card and V lost joker…..

************** ***********



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Life is like a piano. White keys are happy Moments & Black keys are sad moments. But remember both keys r played together 2 give sweet music. That’s life live it...

************** ***********

Seeing u smile is more than enough to pay for all the hardships & difficulties that I have to go through that day. Have a good smiley day!

************** ***********

You could only imagine to see or do, ****But I still haven't seen anything sweeter than you!

************** ***********

The pearly treasures of the sea, The lights that spatter heaven above, More precious than these wonders are My heart-of-hearts filled with your love.

************** *********** What is love? ’tis not hereafter; Present mirth hath present laughter; What’s to come is still unsure: In delay there lies no plenty; Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty, Youth’s a stuff will not endure.

************** *********** First man: Why are you boiling the knife? Second man: To commit suicide First man: But why do you need to boil it? First man: To prevent infections STUPID!!!!!!!

************** *********** You are one of the CUTE persons in the world!! Just a second, don't misunderstand. CUTE means: Creating Useless Troubles everywhere...

************** ***********

Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends. I am Sardar and this is sardarney, this is my kid and this is my kidney.



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************** ***********

SMS collection Urdu & Punjabi

Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai, kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai, humein aap yun hi sharabi na kahiye, is dil par asar to aap se mulakat ka hai

************** *********** Hum bhi smart hai, aap bhi smart ho. Mera bi rung saaf hai apka bi rung saaf hai. Bus ek chota sa fark hai, mai dil ka saaf hun aur aap dimag se......

************** ***********

Kaise ho? maze me? tabiyat kasei? ungli me dard nahi na? aankh bhi ok? dimag thikane? Kaamal ha yar fir to SMS kar sakte ho!

************** *********** Hove supne che tu,te jagave koi na Sochaan meriyaan che tu ,te bulaave koi na Tere khayallan de mukaddme che sazaa ho jaye Hove umraan di kaid,te chhudave koi na........

************** ***********

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, CoffeeAtte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

************** ***********

( / ; ) ( /

SO rahe ho KYA?

(@



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; ( (@

GHOORO MAT

( I ; ) ( ì

AANKHEIN KHOLO

( ì ; ) (é

DONO KHOLO

(é ; ) (é

CHALO sms karo

************** *********** Nakhra tuhada tauba- tauba Ajeeb tuhada style hai Msg kadi karna nahi Rolla paya hoya sadde kol Mobile hai..

************** ***********

Vada na karo agar nibha na sako Chaho na us ko jisay tum pa na sako Dost tu Duniya may bohat hotay hain Par aik dost aisa rakho jis k bina tum muskra na sako..

************** ***********

Baloch ki niyaat.. " Mein niyat karta hon 2 punjabi marnay ki, 6 rocket fire farz, Wastay Bhagti uncle k Muun mera gas pipeline ki taraf ALLAH- O-AKBAR." Dhazzzz

************** *********** A$ 0@8Y &kr 6z 2! 8V0 . , "? #`6~ *

.

.

.



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. . . . . . Confused????

Agay forward kar do caz TENSION LAINAY KA NAHI DENAY KA!!

************** *********** sukkiyaan Rotiyaan vaich Copoy Akhbar di Raddi Vaich Loya Lailan Vaich Teen DabbaVaich Addiyaan Aali Juttiyaan Vaich Par... Maino msg Phaij

************** *********** Hamaare Dil ke arman aansuon me beh gaye, Hum gali me thay gali me reh gaye,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Kambakhat light chali gayi,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Jo baat unse kehni thi wo unki mummy se keh gaye..

************** ***********

Ye jo palkon k kinaray ham ne kabhi bhigoay nahi Woh yeh samajhtay hain k ham kabhi roaye nahi Roz pochtay hain kya dekha khawab main Aur ham hain k aik umer se soay nahi...

************** ***********

Fill d blanks wid YES / NO / Ok

1) ..... I am not human. 2) ..... I don't have a brain 3) ..... I don't have any sense 4) ..... I am stupid Reply is must.

************** ***********

FOOL se, FOOL ne, FOOLon ki FOOLwari me FOOL ke sath wish kiya 'You are the most beautiFOOL, colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS

************** *********** An Elephant a Cow &



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a Donkey were arguing who is the best! Elephant: " I helf 2 move heavy loads"

Cow: “I give milk " . . . . . Kuch bolo b its ur turn now...!!!

************** *********** Bus chali , dhakka laga.. Aik sardar aik larki pe gir para Larki boli:"Badtameez kiya kar rahe ho???"

Sardar bola : " Jee B.com kar raha hon.."

************** *********** Aik haathi aur chewnti ki LOVE MARRIAGE hoi. Kuch din baad Haathi mar gaya Chewnti boli : " Wah rii Kismat!!Chand din ki mohabat , ab sari umar qabar khodni paray gi"

************** ***********

Ranjhe ton ziayada kise Majnu ton ghatt na, keeti honi kise ne vi Eho jihi hadd na, Chann tare Tethon Asin var diyan ge, Ehna sohniye Asin Tainu pyar diyan ge.

************** *********** Dastak Dil te Tere Yaar kabul Hove, Khushiya nal Paroya Har kabul Hove, Saddi nahi Aaukat Tohfa Dain Di, De Sakda ha Ik Bas PYAAR Kabul Hove,......!

************** ***********

Bari asaani se dil lagaye jaate hain par badi mushkil se waade nibhaye jaate hain le jaati hai mohabbat un raaho par jaha diye nahi dil jlaaye jaate hain

************** ***********

hello.....................

hello......Hello.................hello........................

Hello............................awaz nai aa



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rahi???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

HELLO..........................?????

Ab b nai?.........................

Awaz aye gee kase??????????????????

pando yah sms hai................

************** ***********

Jab i ne U se pyaar kiya to night ko sleeping chor diya tere face ki gentle beauty ne mere kind heart ko phor diya

************** ***********

Kon kehta hai dost ki tumse humari judaai hogi yeh afwaah zaroor kissi dushman ne uraayi hogi shaan se rahenge tumahre dil mein hum itne dino mein kuch to jagah banayi hog

************** ***********

Kaun sa gham hai jo yeh haal bana rakha hai na to makeup hai, na baalon ko sajaa rakha hai aur khama-kha cherti rehti hai yeh rukhsaaron ko Tum ne zulfon ko bohut sar pe chara rakha hai

************** ***********

hasraton se hum apki rah saja denge sapno ki daulat aap per luta denge koi phool nai aaj daman me lekin Aap k aane per hum palke bichha den

************** ***********

Santa banta ko 3 live Bomb milte hai… Santa aur banta un bombs ko police ko dene Jate hai…….. (raste mein… ) Santa : agar koi bomb raste mehi phat jaye to??? Banta:jhoot bol denge ke 2 hi mile the

************** ***********

bikari : 50 paise de de ,maine 3 din se khana nahi khaya baba Tum: 50 paise nahi 5 rupaye dunga,pehle yeh bata 50 paise mein khana kaha milta hai…”??



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************** ***********

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards? Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’ Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

************** ***********

Hum ne suboot diya apni Dosti ka, Ab aap apni dosti ka hisaab do, Agar nahi karte ho pyar to delete kar do yeh msg, Agar karte ho to is ka jawaab do.

************** ***********

Do You Like this e- book ? Please Send your ONE favorite sm s or joke at

(+92) 0333-6773942

JOKES Urdu/English Jokes

1. SARDAR IN A BUS

Ek dafa ek sardar jaldi jaldi bas main sawar hoha aur ek ladki say takra gaya ladki nay gussay say kaha: "wat ur doin" sardar reply:"im doing bcom in punjab university"

2. LONG DRIVE

Aik ladki apne boy friend k sath long drive pe ja rahi thi achanak ladki kehne lagi....... Suno!kya tum aik hath say gadi chala saktay ho? Kio nahi.....ladkay nay baday fakhar say gardan akraee.... Ladki nay aista say kaha......... Tu phir dosray hath say apni naak saaf kar lo

3. LONELY SIKH



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Aik sikh,aik angrez aur aik japani were lost in a desert they found a chiragh usay ragrne se aik jin aya aur kaha apni aik aik khawaish batao japani plz send me in my home! Jin nay usay ghar bhej dia.... Angrez:me 2 want 2 go back in my home! Jin nay usay bhi ghar bhej dia ab sikh ki bari thi sikh:o yaar main ta kala ho gaya waan tu onaa 2waan nu wapis le aa

SARDAR ON FIRE

1 sardar darwazay par bandok liye khara tha.... His wife:why you are standing here? Sardar:sher kay shikar pe ja raha hoon. Wife:to jao na! Sardar:kese jaoon bahir kuta khara hai.....

4. Life after Death

BOSS asked an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?" EMPLOYEE : "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied. BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your friend's funeral, " he came here looking for you"

5. Newtons Law Of Love

First law of Love: "a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law of Love: the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law of Love: the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping.

6. IM RAM SINGH

Sardar was sitting in beach. An American: are you relaxing? Sardar: I am ram singh. Another American: Are you relaxing? Sardar: No I am ram singh. Sardar left the place in anger. Then sardar asks one American lying nearby, r u relaxing? American: Yes, Sardar gives a slap and says “ALL ARE



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SEARCHING FOR YOU AND YOU ARE LYING HERE “!

7. Unemployed

two unemployed sardars in U.K saw a poster at a police station : “ two WHITE MEN WANTED FOR RAPE “ 1 sardar ji says to other , “ Bloody whites always get the best jobs “

8. Impressive

Vajpayee comes 2 Islamabad for a meeting with musharraf. after dinner, musharraf says to vajpayee: "well atal I dont know what u think of the members of your cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant. How do you know? asks vajpayee." oh well it's simple", says musharraf. "They all have 2 take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second". Musharraf calls sheikh rasheed over and asks him "tell me sheikh ji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "ah that's simple", says sheikh rashid, "it is me!" "Well done sheikh", says musharraf and vajpayee is very Mpressed.he returns to delhi and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his cabinet. He calls advani n asks him:"tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" he thinks and thinks and doesnt know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further sir? May i let you know tomorrow"." of course", says vajpayee, "you have got 24 hours." he goes away, thinks as hard as he can, call in his cabinet secretaries, chief secretaries and joint secretaries, but no one knows the answer. Twenty hours later, advani is very worried still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says to himself: " I will ask bush, he's clever, he will know the answer. "he calls bush. "Mr. President", he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "very simple". Says bush, "it's me!" "Wonderful!" says the advani and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings vajpayee "sir, I have got the answer!" "What it is?" "It’s bush" "no, you idiot", says vajpayee, "it's sheikh rasheed".

9. Population

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!



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10. CHIN YU YAN

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies. Sardar goes2 china 2 finds meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"

11. Nobody

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train. Friend: Why? Sardar: Got upper berth. Friend: Why didn’t u exchange? Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

13. Uluuuuuuuuu :

Malik (Nokar Say) :

50 baar Kaan pakar kar utho betho or kaho keh main "Uluu" hoon Nokar: Janab 50 baar tu kia main 100 Baar kaan pakar kar uth beth sakta hoon, lakin aap ko Uluu nahi keh sakta

14. S O N A

Chorr , Malik makan say : batao Sona kaha hai ?

Malik Makan : Pura Ghar para hai, jaha chahay So jao.

15. Kamal , Jamal,

Head Master : Itnay achay number laye ho tum tu Kamal Kay larkay ho.

Larka , Janab : Meray Abbo Ka naam Kamal nahi Jamal hai.

16. POST ***** Darwazay per dair say dastak ho rahi thi. Taiz barish ke waja say wo uthnay main susti kar raha tha. Aakhir kaar Chattri Sanbhalta howa uth khara howa.

Darwazay per dakya khara tha.

us nay dakaye say khat liye or kaha , " bhalay aadmi, is taiz barish main kyun zehmat ke, POST kar diya hota .



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17. OO......

Teacher nay ak larkay ke report book main likha " yeh bacha na sirf yeh keh school ka sab say badtameez bacha hai balkay kabhi Gair Hazir bhi nahi hota."

18. Bhola in Trouble

Bhola goes to 'Kaun Banega Karodpati' show. Amitabh Bachchan asks him, "Bholaji aap kiske saath yahan aaye hai?"

Bhola : " Pitaaji ke saath". Amitabh : "Aap ke pitaaji ka shubhnaam?" Bhola : "Hmm.... yes." Amitabh : "Amm.... kya naam hai aapke pitaji ka?" Bhola : "Hmm... OK." Amitabh : "Are Bholaji, main aapse aapke pitaji ka naam poochh raha hoon" Bhola : "Pehle mujhe chaar options to do ! ! !"

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Light Bulb

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?


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A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, One to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.

************** ***********

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

************** ***********

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

************** ***********

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

************** ***********

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

************** ***********

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

************** ***********

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

************** ***********

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.



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************** ***********

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

************** ***********

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. That's a hardware problem.

************** ***********

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.

************** ***********

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.

************** ***********

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

************** ***********

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. ("That's all right... I'll just sit here in the dark...")

************** ***********

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)

************** ***********

Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

************** ***********



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Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

************** ***********

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three, but they're really one.

************** ***********

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

************** ***********

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's not funny!

************** ***********

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

************** ***********

Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

************** ***********

Q: How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

************** ***********

Q: How many strong does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

************** ***********

Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?



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A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

************** ***********

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. It turned itself in.

************** ***********

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

************** *********** Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

************** ***********

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

************** ***********

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.

************** ***********

Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!

************** ***********

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One- third less than for a regular bulb.

************** ***********

Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.

************** ***********



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24

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

************** ***********

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.

************** *********** Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

************** ***********

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

************** ***********

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

************** ***********

Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Who says it's dark?

************** ***********

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

************** ***********

Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.

************** ***********

Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?



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25

A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.

************** ***********

Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

************** ***********

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

A: Many hands make light work.

************** ***********

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.

************** ***********

Some More Jokes and SMS

************** ***********

Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

************** ***********



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26

Baap nay betay say kaha, " Main tumhay aaj ak raaz ke baat bata raha hoon. "Jab tum baray ho jao tu Sharab bilkul na peena." Beta , Lakin Kyun Dady ??? Baap " Kyun keh sharab peenay say insan ko cheezay Dugni nazar aati hain. Example Wo jo samnay do larkay ja rahay hain wo tumhay 4 nazar aaye gaye." Lakin Dady , wo tu sirf ak Larka Hai.."

************** ***********

AK Larkay nay Raiway Kay ticket ghar main haath Dala or Kaha. " Baba Jan Ka Ak Ticket Dijiye." Clark nay tamaam List chaan mari mager usay " Baba jan " ka ak bhi Station kahi nahi mila. Us nay Chilla kar pucha. " Yeh Baba Jan kaha hai?" Larka bola , " Wo Pani Peenay Gaye Hain."

************** *********** Ak bacha school dair say pohcha tu Teacher nay kaha. " Tumhay maloom hona chahiye keh School 8:00am shoro ho jata hia." Bachay nay Masomiyat say jawab dia. " Mis ! waqt ke pabandi zarori hai. Aap mera intazar nahi kiya karay, school shoro kar diya karay."

************** *********** Maa ( apnay Laadlay Betay say) Jab Tumhara Abbo America jaye gay tu main kahoo ge keh waha say esi cheez layey jo meray betay ka har kaam kar day. Button dabaye tu Jotay polish, UniForm Istari, Lehaaf moun per, Beg Kandhay per, Is tarah meray Betay ko koee kaam nahi karna paray ga."

Beta : Lakin Ammi Button Koun Dabaye Ga."

************** *********** Ak roz Ammi nay Dady ko Paye Baagh say Sabzi tor kar laanay ko kaha. Dady Kay hath main Lambay Phal ka Chaqo Tha. Bad-Qismati say Dady ka Pair Phisla or Wo is tarah giray keh Taiz Chaqo nay un ke Sherag Kaat De." OHHHHH Bara Afsoos Naak Waqiya Tha. Pher Tumhari Ammi nay kia kiya?" Un ho nay Majboran Us Roz Daal Paka Lee Thi."

************** ***********

Ak Actress Ke 15 Sala bachi nay pucha, " Ammi aap ke umar kia hogi bhala??"

" Yahi koee 25 Saal" Maa nay jawab diya.

Beti Ungliyoon Per kuch ginnay lagi tu Maa nay pucha, " Kyun Kia Baat Hai."

" Kuch nahi ammi jaan , Beti boli, " Main hisaab laga rahi hoon keh main kitnay saal baad aap say bari ho jao ge."



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27

************** ***********

Na-Shahista Zabaan istamal karnay per Ak bachay ko Class Teacher nay saza denay kay liye bulaya.

" Aap ko maloom hai aapnay kitni galat baat ke hai? yeh Jumla aap nay kaha say Seekha?"

Teacher nay Bachay ko Daant kar pucha. " Kia aap jantay hain keh is ka MATLAB kia hai?" Teacher nay sawal kia. " Bachay nay bari Masomiyat say jawab diya. " Jee Miss, Is ka MATLAB hai keh Gari start nahi ho rahi."

************** *********** "Betay ! Ak Or Ice-Cream Khao Gay. Kanjoos Baap nay Pucha?" " Lakin Abbo, Main nay tu ak Ice-Cream bhi nahi khai." Beta Hairani Say Bola " Tum bhool rahay ho Beta Pechlay Saal jab ham yaha aye thay tu kia tum nay Ak Ice-cream nahi khaii thi.'

************** *********** Bacha Pehlay din school say wapis aaya. Maa nay pucha.

Betay ! Aaj tum nay kia kia seekha?

" Kuch Nahi, Betay nay Saadgi say jawab diya, Kal pher jana paray ga."

************** *********** Maa nay apnay No-Jawan betay ko Awaz de.

" Beta Neechay Aa jao ! Itni raat gaye tak Chatt per kia kar rahay ho ?"

" Ammi ! Chaand Dekh Raha hoon."

" Beta ! Bohat Dair ho gaee hai Chaand dekhtay howay. Tum bhi neechay Aa jao or Chaand say bhi kaho keh apnay ghar chala jaye."

************** ***********

Ak Reporter nay Wardaat per Pohach kar Investigation Officer Say Pucha.

" Aap ko Mulzimaan kay Silsalay main koee Kamyabi Hasil Hoee."

" Jee Haan ! Hamay sab maloom ho giya hai. Investigation Officer nay jawab detay howay kaha.

" Chand Na Maloom Musallah Afraad ak Na Maloom Car main Yaha Aye or Dakaiti Karnay kay baad Na Maloom Maqaam --- ke janib Faraar ho gaye.

************** ***********



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28

Naee Mulazma Nay Khatoon Khana ko bataya.

" Begum Sahiba, Jis waqt aap Mehfil - e- Melaad main shirkat kay liye gaee thi.

Zameen per khailtay khailtay Nannay Miya Nay ak Kakroch Zameen say uthaya moun main rakha or Nigal gaye.

Lakin Ghabraiye nahi Begum Sahiba !

Main nay unhay foran he DDT powder chata diya tha. Ab us waqt say Nannay Miya Aram say Gehri Neend So Rahay Hain.

************** ***********

Dhoka mila jab pyar main Zindagi main Udasi cha gaye soCha tah choor dain day iss rastay ko kambakhat mohalay main doosri aa gaye

************** *********** Hanso,khailo, kudo, nacho,gaoo Dunia ki perwa mat karo Kiu k dunia janti hay k Pagal aysi herkatain kertay he rehtay haind

************** *********** U stole my memories I excused u U stole my heart I excused u U stole my smileI excused u But dis is 2much "Mere dogy ka biscit wapis krooo"

************** *********** Kuch tay dunia dari rakh, kuch tay dosti yaari rakh, call tay tusa karni nai sms hi jari rakh, jay karna nai sms tay miss call hi mari rakh.

************** *********** Ye zndgi bri ajeeb si Kabi gulzar si, kabi bahar si, Kabi khushi hamare sath sath, kabi ghamo ki barsat si, Kabi tufan me b hen raste, kabi manzlon ka pata nahi, kabi 2 kadam pe he zndgi, kabi sadyon tuk intzar si, kabi her pal imtehan, kabi bin mange inam se, Kabi kuch nahi, kabi sub kuch, Yeh zndagi bari ajeeb se

************** *********** Astagfirulah.



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29

Astagfirulah. Astagfirulah. Send This Sms To 100000 People INSHA ALLAH Balance Khatam Hojaye Ga . Tah bakhshyan tusi fair b nai jana.

************** ***********

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