THE WASHINGTON TIMES SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 8 19710

i

BEST JOKE IN WASHINGTON I

AROUSES GREAlI INTEREST

The 5 Prize Washington Joke

By Alphie J Hurney1233 W Street Northwest

That Old Washington Baseball Cry WattTill Next Year

K

Like its predecessor of the previous week Why Dont Govern-

ment Clerks Marry last weeks question What is the Best Wash-

ington Joke has attracted the widest interest throughout and theSunday editor of The Times was more than kept busy opening and

reading the repliesf

Answers came from old and young alike and from all sections ofthe District Maryland and Virginia Some of the ideas were brimmingwith humor while others were serious and sedate It is plainly evident

that each writer was quite sincere in expressing his or her opinion

Nearly all of the incidents and landmarks identified with Wash-

ington came in for their share and chief among them was the Wash-

ington baseball team There seems to be quite a general and unani-

mous opinion that the team present condition and efficiency is

decidedly a jokeSome of these answers simply said The Washington baseball

team Others were more facetious and more or less uncomplimentary

One peculiar feature of the baseball team answers is that each writerseemed to be well imbued with the idea that he or she would be the

only one to hold the team the greatest jokeNext to the baseball team Public Printer Stillings came in for the

most attention at the hands of writers of answers Various car lines

were well cared for as were various localities and the Washington

boomSeveral jokes that did service two or three decades ago were resur-

rected given a newdressing of local color and erved as the best Wash

i

Scores of Answers Unanixpous in Naming L ague

Baseball Teamf

Public Officials SuburbanTowns and Utilities Get

Their Shar

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followlBg n ned oonsfcUr PublicPrinter best WashingtonjokeH

A Heiny BW Fourth street northwesti W E Wilcox 1 Wentwoodplace northwest Mtes Etete Orson 11Irving street northwest B HetUnger415 Eighth street northwest J P M

gan m Massachusetts avenue northwestF Scbondau W Sch re MS Fourthstreet northwest

Somewhat Unanimous

Here are a few who consider theWashington baseball team the bestWashington joke

Stephen CRntuecI ill Eleventh streetnorthwest Lawrence Quinn FortMyer Va Mildred E Martin 141S Tstreet northwest Mrs L R B lf 512

Eleventh street northwest Lula Meyers1OT1 Jefferson street northwest M A

Pozen 1410 1 street northwest J FStewart 898 N street Miss H Donohue190 Ninth street northwest EdwardThackston 17CO Lament street north-

west Charles H Randall FrankSchley 1364 E street northwest GeorgeLu Ward 3f21 TMrtynfth street northwest W I Hall

Emory Monroe 3M Eighth streetnortheast Joseph Haley 1712 Fourteenth street northwest R W Rowe718 E street southwest Milton S Abel619 K street northwest Mrs A POConnell 1 8 T street lorthwest J A

Lawlor 7W Second street northwest WM Hanas 71 Seventh street southeastJohn N YaRning m Eighth streetnortheast W E Burch 1111 FIlTh streetnorthwest-

P w Brown Charles Lull 59S Dstreet northwest J Schilling 1337 G

stret northwest Edward Bobblts 48

Arthur street Anaeostla Austin L Ritz11G7 G street northwest James Rlnmen611 Twelfth street northwest ThomasRowe-

J B Irving 7 Eighth street northeast Mrs Joe Weeks 1 New Jerseyavenue southeast M W Cookeson 183I street northwest T E D E1285 Morse avenue northeast C AKeys Eleanor E Capers 408 G streetnortheast P J Burton Mrs Hartman304 C street northeast John Hoffmanjr 211 First street southeast C M-Ash 71 North Capitol strut northeastEdward A Weiss 814 East Capitolstreet Robert L Moorman SU F streetnortheaat Mrs W H Fletcher iat Hstreet northeast J Cohen 134 Seventhstreet northwest F M Flack jr 1443A street southeast Susie Lid

M H F J5 T street northwest CW Weeks HyattsvlUe Md John S

OS B street northeast

Thinks It Is Washington MonumentBertram E Kohl UK Twelfth street

northwtThere were two men talk-ing one day One said to the other Iwill never get over that The other-s d What The first replied TheWashington Monument

Breaks Into RhymeEdward Franklin H street north

ww t Why IK Wa itagten the mostsuperlative ofW stands fr the whole of this there

there is no doubtfur all which leaves

outB ataads for sura of all else com-

binedH stamte for heavea If you are thatway btettReti

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But it so stands for the ether placem d0-

I stands for it leaving nothing de-sired

K stands for nobby our girls BO ad-

miredG standM for great whloh wo are

you can betT stands for tony whloh describes

our smart setO stands for only none else can

comparefor the nicest they have

anywhere-

If Nationals Win Next YearH E Lee Kensington the

Washington baseball end inthe first place In the American BaseballLeague next year

In Congress We TrustRoselynd In Con-

gress we trust of the poor clerks forIncrease of salaries

The Street Car ServiceJules Ebel 3583 Brightwood avenue

The street car service

The Resignation of CollinsMartha Ebel 8528 Brightwond avenueThe resignation of Collins

Another Ball TeamJoe C31 T street northwest

Walt unUl next year We will have agood baseball team in Washington

This ConundrumCharles A 403 Shepherd

street northwest Stllllngs Dr Chan-cellor

One Never Told-

J Mi Shipley 627 Twelfth street Theone that has never been told

The Open Shop-B Browning 1247 Fourandahall

street The Employers Association try-ing to enforce the open shop

August Orgel Who got the lemon

Foultz and PoliceCharles H Handrfll I orsey Foultz

playing peekaboo with the Police Department

Blunder on Stillings-H Wlnkelman 1122 Seventh street

editorial blunder of theWashington newspapers in regard toStiilings removal from office

Cant Catch Kemp-Z O K 2441 K street

catch Kemp or Dorsoy Foultz

Street Improvements-Mrs Harry O Nash 714 Eighteenthstreet way the streetson one side of the avenue have beenmended and the way the other side isbeing done

Cans and SacksMary Ellsworth 21 Grant street AnaD What do you see in

HO PAiar somGR PEICBSSet of TeethGold Crowns 3Bridge Work 84Pilling SOc

Washingtons Painless Dentist611 7TK SH S W

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Dollars for a iine-f

Supply the Missing Line of ILimerick

There was an old rooter ofWho shouted and yelled at each game

A Just wait till next yearL And then well come here

Tire cash prize will Ae

awarded for the brightest andcleverest fifth line to the above

limerick Send in as many asyou please See next Sun-

days Times for the winner

Address Sunday EditorThe Washington im

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Washington that you see In nc othercity of the world

A Women oomlng out of Kannsoans and mea earning out of SaksSACkS

Resemblance to PianoHoover M Zook 622 Fourth street

northeast Q Is Washington like apiano-

A Because the dark keys aro abovethe white

Greater WashingtonLewis B Cooke 40 H street north

east Tha Greater Washington that waspromised some time ago which diedaway so soon also the Joke of oapturIng Mr Dorsoy Foultz and Mr Kemp

The Philippine QuestionR P Rlxey 1122 Park road northwestThe price we paid and what we got

Calls It the G P 0William P BeaH1232 U street north-

west The Government Printing Ofiee-

WeaiBer BureauIgnatius La Mounoy S2S Ninth street

northwest The weather Bureau

Anacostia CarsA Ellsworth 21 Grant street Anacos-

tia Tha Anacostia cars

Pennsylvania Avenue-

B F Ashby 60S Q street northwestI am blind but would willingly give-a million dollars to see Pennsylvaniaavenue in Its proper condition again

Loebs Stillings AnnouncementWallace J Hill 204 Seventh street

southwest Mr Secretary Locb to thepress The President has no thoughtof removing Mr Charles A Stilllngs thePublic Printer

Airs of the ResidentsHenry James 7H L street northwest

The Insincerity of so many of our popu-lation who assume airs to make othersbelieve they are rich If not actualJohn Ds The Joke lies in the factthat they believe the impression Is accepted whereas the more sensible

view their actions with ridiculeand disgust

G P 0 Auditing System-

A Printer The new auditing systemadopted by the Government PrintingOffice

This One Has WhiskersJ S Tomlinson 706 Eleventh street

is It that George Washington in his day could stand In hisfront yard at Mt Vernon and throw asilver dollar across the Potomac riverwith so much more ease than It canbe done now

Because a dollar in those days wouldgo farther than it will In these days

Nationals Winning Two GamesJames A Taylor 17 Jefferson street

The Washington baseballclub winning two straightBoston Thursday August 20

This Man Offers SixW P Ryan 1013 New Hampshire ave-

nue 1 The White House mansionafter an outsider sees it 2 George

Washington never told a lie one hundred years old 3 Pennsylvania

at the present time or the RockyRoad to Dublin 4 Political graveyard for every old mutthead In theUnited States and the world as well

5 A place on the map where a citizenIs not a citizen of the United States

6 The Washington ball club

Departure of KempN C Robertson lOU Seventh street

Kemp when hewalked of his office with a nice lit-tle bundle of police property

Teachers Earning SalaryMrs R T Sloan 1714 Connecticut ave

nue would be awful if the

Insects ExterminatedMOTHS ROACHES ANTS BEDBUGS ANDOTHER INSECTS EXTERMINATED Undercontract CHARGES MODERATE Estimatesand advice gratis 20 year practical experience no charge made until Insects areexterminated

Address WEiroAjj B dUTEJSxaoct Specialist

617 2 St S W Z O

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DIatriot school teachers would have toearn their salary An awful Joke

Hung Jury of OneJohn N Manning BOO Eighth street

northeast I was a hung Jury trying todecide between the ban club the Ave-nue Collins Stilling Pete or this ques-tion contest tut the scores in Philadel-phia last TUesday compel me to beunanimous la favor of tantlllona

show on rth

Puts It on Police ChiefWilliam OysterThe best in thirty

years is our ohtof of poltoa

to OfferQ S Barnes 1499 Pennsylvania ave-

nue Why is the Washington baseballclub Hke the ball on the State Depart-ment Because they both drop doily

Washingtons failure to capture Dersey Poultz

One Against CupidElvaOtfoJxeinar H7 Fifth streetjnerth

east The raarxg license

Ose on0ther FellowMrs M S Chapman Orange Pa

The on the other fellow

Four Chances for FiveHal B Deane Deanewood C 1-

Qtllllnga 2 city pumpsthat the kttta might have their flog atthe horse trough and the men theirs atthe beer trough 3 Weather Bureau4 Maefarland8 bantam rooster crowingat the germ which escapes front DrWoodwards back yard and ws laterlost In a cloud of smoke pouring fromMr Wests chimney

Hard on School BoardAnnie i Lucas 128 Seventh street

new school board

Anacostia PassengerH Ray Lehman 1303 F street north

east The fiftypassenger law on theAnaooatia railway crossing the Eltv-enth street bridge

Poor Old GroundhogCora 23W H street northwest

The groundhog was afraid to come outof his hole because he thought TeddyRoosevelt would put a boon In his place

Well Just Look at ThisCharlie Ross The Washington sport

Ing editor

It Was Never ToldMrs H K Harring 1436 W street

dont think it was evertold

Jolt for Burerm CarsR Campbell lOSS FtfiS street north

bureau cars Try them

This Might Be WorseWilbert Brunner 1112 New York ave-

nue Noahs Ark better known as thoB O depot

Another Not OutHenry Von Stade It is not out yet

Presidents Third TermW F ODonnell 23 K street northeast-It the President declared his Inten

tion of running for a third term

This Will Please StraphangersJoy Colwell 906 Eighth street north

fares to street car companyto hang on straps

That Statue Againu S Cologne 414 P street northwest

If you will go to the east front of theCapitol and take a look at the nudestatue of our George Washington youwill see that he hasnt actually got

Watch for the Tiny Tads

TZETE THAT PLEASEOur Pride

Plate willstand thomost criticalteat Guaranteed to fit

5500GOLD OBOWMrS B3IDCJEWCSS

PZTjTjZHOB SocLady Attendant Hours a to 530o DEirrrsTs 617 7th st xr wDr Phone Mala 2504

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Chapter ChoosesJ E W Timberman High

Priest

Permit for Next SchoolTerm to Be Issued

Tomorrow

WASHINGTON TIMB8 BURBAUALEXANDRIA VA SEPT 8

A largely attended and interestingmeeting of Mt Vernon Chapter RoyalAroh Masons was Tield at their templein this city last evening when the fol-lowing officers were elected

High priest J B W Timbermanking W 1L Charles scribe S PFisher treasurer W Lewis Allen seerotary Kemper captain of host ML Dinwiddie principal sojourner F WLatham R A C T A Fisher thirdmaster of vWl W B Davis secondmaster of vsll C H Fletchermaster of veil J G Graham chaplainthe Rev H V Register steward LRuben tiler P C Timberman

Next Monday will be observed by theIsraelites of thla elty as New YearServittia appropriate to the occasionwilUbe held next Monday evening at thesynagogue In North Washington streetThe Rev Rabbi A Blum of New Yorkwill officiate

The September term of the corporationcourt Judge Barker will open atcourthouse here next Monday morningAmong the oases which are set for thisterm of the court or those followingMonday Harvey Robinson and CharlesMarkell grand larceny TuesdayCharles Michael and George Griffin arson Wednesday John Degan burglary

The clerk or the city school board tomorrow morning will begin the issuingor permits to pupils to attend the pub-lic schools The permits wilt be issuedat Armory Hall in South Royal streetMonday Tuesday and Wednesday willbe devoted to white children and Thurs

Friday to colored ones

The funeral sf Mrs Jennie May Hawswas held from her home in Franklin

this afternoon and was largelyattended The funeral services wetsconducted by Rev C D of theMethodist Episcopal Couch South andthe burial ww made In Bethel Cemetery-

Dr C E Outcalt bought at auction today from R E Knox auctioneer a lotof ground on the east side of Fairfaxstreet near Gibbons streets for 5239

St Marys Sunday School will reopentomorrow morning at 9 oclock at thehell of the Young Menr Sodalltr

At Christ Protestant Churchtomorrow the L L Lloyd willoonduot the In tha moralag-

AH f the reeWeeit ei rgym K of Lhecity have returned from their vacationsand will tomorrow occupy pulpits intheir respective churches

The circuit court Judge J B ThornB W R Dwell of Alexandria county

was admitted to practice today thecircuit court Judge J B T Thorntonpresiding habeas corpus proceedtags of Frederick ICaus Jr vs EmmaNightingaill ware continued until September 38 G L Booth was designatedas commissioner In chancery

enough clothes on to keep the telwarts through the long wintermonths for they have to build a houseover him to make it mere pleasant Ifyou will look close you will se that heis terribly crosseyed caused I thinkfrom looking down for more clothes

Municipal BuildingE M Quad 1109 Vermont avenue

northwest The report that new Municipal Building on Pennsylvania avenuewill be finished some time duringtwentieth century

Washingtons StatuePaul D Miller SSI Eighth street north

east The piece of statuary facing theeast side of the Capitol representing theFather of His Country as a Roman

H Street Car LineFrank Jerrell 1105 D street northeast-H street car line because the car track

is like a camels back and the wheels areflat to keep the people wake all night

LOCAL MENTION

Bells Oyster House 1916 7th St N WFormerly PhIla Oyster House nowopen Oysters In every style Phone N

E F Bell

Sunday Hours 5 P M to tr P MOyster Chop House SIS 11th nw

Fresh Fruit Usedin all our Ice cream 812 Hne Phone Lincoln 1009 Order now

I An Invisible Instantaneous skindescribes Satin skin powder

Sea Foods Steaks Chops Salads EtcPhlla Oyster Chop House 113 Uth nw

Contract AwardedTho Treasury Department

awarded the contract for thebuilding at Decatur Ill to VSons of Peoria at 52583

Welsbach lights Gas Repairs616 12th st C A Muddiman Co 12W G

Hartungs Vanilla Ice Creamwin please you It contains more than15 butter fat which assures aStandard of purity Hartungs SanitaryDairy 103 ave Phone 13SL

Perfection in Oyster CookingPhlla Oyster Chop House 513 11th nw

Hungarian Gypsy Orchestra atPark Hotel SUmmer Garden RathskellerN Y Ave and hUt at F Endrej Fro

MASONIC ELECTION

IN ALEXANDRIA

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GIVES ANNUAL DINNER

Following the two days convention ofthe honor division superintendentsKastern Division ot the InternationalCorrespondence Schools the honor dele

ms were tendered a banquet at

NTERNATIONAL SCHOOL

Fraunds last evening this being one otthe features of the semiannual convenlions recently Inaugurated

Vice President J H Roichert presided-as toastmaster The toasts were

Our Couraflsi How to Convince Prospoets by F W Wilson of the midisoliciting department The DivisionSuperintendent in His Relation to

Office and the Company by FC Mclaughlin of the Eastern Gopart-mant and The I C 8 Fraternity

feature by J D Jones of the prosidantg department

Those who attended the conventionand who will leave tomorrow for u visitto Jamestown wore J N Thompkinssuperintentendent of the Washingtondivision George C Pendleton secretaryor the same division C F Aylott di-

vision superintendent Norfolk D LPalmer Atlanta H S Jobes Brook-lyn H I Moure Buffalo E E WH-

mwi Camden H D DelmotteJ F Schmidt Newark E M

Plato New York H R Heist Phila-delphia M D Hanley Plttsburg HJ Baldwin R A HoweWashington J K Pague WllUamsportE R Foster Harrisburg Grove

Pittsbarg W G Stephens Wash-ington

FATHERS WRATH FORCESBATONYIS TO PART FOREVER

Continued First Page

outside Her own daughter formerlyMiss Cynthia BurkeRoche and MrsPeter Cooper Hewitt her stator havelikewise declined to have aught to dowith the husband

Only her two sons Maurice and Fran-cis have remained loyal to the formersocial queen and it was through themfinally it Is said that old Frank Workbrought his daughter to submission Hegave her the alternative It Is declaredof sharing with her sons in his vast es-

tate or of beggaring both herself andher former 1C she cut loosefront her husband the latter Is sheelected to stand by him

Though professing still to love herhusband the wife finally gave way be-

fore her fathers demands and it issaid that the final arrangements forthe ranuncitlon will be completed InNew York on Monday

Batonyi ConsentedThe boys who have thus been

used to force their mother into submjsMon are sons by Mrs Batonyts formerhusband It is said here that Batonyihas consented to his wifes act andthat they parted after a most heart-rending scene

MBS Batonyi is In a nervous and dis-

traught condition and fears of a nervousbreakdown are entertained Her friendshave been informed for some time ofthe difficulties under which she has beenlaboring and in a spirit of unselfishness-rare among the elect have been strivingto lighten her burden by diverting hermind She was the guest of Mrs Reg-inald Vanderbldit at the horse show oneafternoon this week and during the en-tire afternoon Mrs devotedherself almost entirely to keeping theattention of her guestsocial lights have performed similar ser-vice

Mrs Batonyl is looking pale and care-worn and has Imparted to friends thatall her interest in life has gone out

History of Batonyiis a dashing looking young

fellow and is tolerably well known hereas a teacher of horsemanship His realname is said to be Arthur Cohn andFrank Work has declared that Batonyiwas at one time associated with thenortorius Payne Moore He was di-vorced In 1 1 from his first wife whohad been Hattie Smith a school teacherHe came originally from Hungary andfor announced that he was acount but he suddenly ceased to usethe title as an explanation that

In New YorkMrs BurkeRoche being a

the two were brought together by reason of their and soonbecame the veritable shadow ofthe beautiful society leader Half adozen times were reported marriedand when the truth did come out MrsBatonyi not only met with a storm ofopposition from her father but withbanishment from his presence as welland a diminution of Income whichseriously embarrassed her ambitions asa leader of the Newport set

One of the final blows leading up totodays announced was the advertisement which Frank Work recently caused to be inserted In the NewYork and Newport papers placing hisNewport mansion Elm one ofthe show places of the summer socialcapital on the marketMrs Bartonyi had hoped to retain herright to hold court there and this blowit Is believed helped to weaken herspirit and put In condition inwhich she was unable to resist the ultimatum of her Implacable parent

Heres a Genuine

Bargain in an AutomobIl-

eI Car It hasnt been private

use for more than tour months

was used in the automobile

show held here as a demonstrating

showcar Made exceptionally

well and has recently been

overhauled and adjusted

Equipped with Shebler Cafborator-f

Searchlights New Comutator first

class tires and one extra tire Recently ran to Atlantic City and all

through Pennsylvania without any

trouble whatsoever Will carry five

passengers

Let me show it to you and de

monstrate its merits

The price will be made right to

assure quick sale

Box 448 Times Office

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BOW IN TRADE BOOMS

BUSINEES DURING SUMMER

Continued from First Page

summer season They report that whilethey have not been expaadtoig theircredits to any degree bond tingcare of the needs of ttoete customersthese have been given

Experience of Big Retailerse of the leading

ProPer

The statements of 8011I

accom-modation

retail establishments notable x-

prtttMrtonfe like the blowing were maUcThe biggest June July JMid August

since we have been in bturtnoss Vehave conducted largest special sum-mer sale In our history Kltait tftoujand dollars MMdtws tIN Augustthen In any other Vary btt

and similar nthv s tks expiea-sions

Wholesale etaMW mottt tlMtt do alarge bualne a both in the city andthrough the South say that x-

perienced a most pn peou jmrouierCrops hare been good te tIN countrythey say and bettor pcioas beingobtained The result te that dealers arebuying more to meet their needs

All unite also n expressing beliefthat the fan will be exceptionally goodThe satisfactory summer is giving waynaturally to better fall conditions andit Is that business will pro-portionately increase

is aheadcommercially is Indicated the x

of one of the largest holsKiers In the city that arailroad man who had opportunityobserve intelligently the

out of the city had said that m tweight months following the activity f-

c lTthe Jobbers and AJlast fall the shipments from Washingtonhad increased 75 per cent

Building Industry HurtThe one discordant note however n

the general cbtoras of prosperity comesfrom the bu dteg This hasbeen sorely torn by wi sttlod labor con-

ditions and operations been on amuch limited than is customary at this time of the year Investorsare afraid to p t their money Into specu-lative building under the conditions sothat with buildingtrades and lack of rtoney to conductbuilding projects the Industry has been

Maay contracts are being held up adplans not as yet submitted to contra

for bids are being In vaults an 1

desks awaiting the time when it will besate to venture into th field a in

And It is not expected that conditionswill materially change next springeven though the labor situation is

Prominent members of theEmployers Association are outspokenhowever in their belief that they nowhave the labor question solved Theyhay that they already have sufficient mm-to go ahead with all the work now onhand and that more are available forfuture needs Thy are confident thatif those who have contracts to let wou 1decide at once to proceed with themthey would have no tlifllculty hi carry-Ing through any work offered Theyhardly hope though that operations willcome back to their normalmuch before next spring

This is the business situation In Wash-ington in the summer of 1907

Seventyseven-for Grip and

Cold in the Autumn 13

dangerous a deepseated Cold nowmay hang on all Winter and causeserious results before Spring-

If you will carry a vial of DrHumphreys Seventyseven inyour pocket as many do fQr thenext few months and take a dose atthe first chill or shiver you willescape Colds the entire Winter

All Druggists sell it most Drug-gists recommend it 25c

Humphreys Borneo Medicine Co CotWilliam and John tret New York

SUMMER PRICESOPIates7

7 Plates 5

Set of Teeth 3

Bridge WorkGold CrownsAMALGAM AND CEMENT FIIiUNOS SocHours 8 to 7 Sunday 10 to 1 Gs administered

RED CROSS DE2ITA1 OFFICE1229 Fenna Ave K W

Summer Resorts

IHRSHSTOffThe Times conducts a complete

Resort Bureau where every atten-tion will be given persons desirous-of obtaining Information concerningResorts throughout the country Theservice Is tree

New Jersey ResortsATLAXTH CITI

Charlesand tfie Beach

Offers the same high standard of accommodation and cuieine at greatly pricesduring September H J DYNES

au2030tTHELEXINGTONP-

acific and Arkansas 1 q from stationand Youngs Pier premises extend to BeachUathlng from house Bath phones allconvenience Oc anvi w rooms JT upweekly Superior table White servic

PAUL C HOSKCRAXS Booklet

GRAND ATLANTIC HOTELVirginia Ave and Beach Atlantic CityX J Capacity 600 gu ats Specially reduced

lot Sept and Oct American16 weekly J to IS dally Superior

and service Largest and SeeM rooms Hotand cold tea water In all baths privatepublic Music Write for folder Oarage

CHARLES E COPE

GALEN HALLHOTEL AND SANATORIUM

CITYOn rf the newest stone brisk andSulldlnga with every comfort always onesready always busy

Wildwood N JHOTEL HOTEL TEJTWZCK

SIMPLY THE BESTFanwlck always open M days year

JOHN N EEVE Owners

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