“I get to be her playmate”Childfree People’s Relationships with

Children

Presented at the 2012 Meetings of theEastern Sociological Society

Amy BlackstoneUniversity of Maine

Project Questions

**How is the decision to remain childfree reached and what social responses do these individuals and couples receive about their childfree status?**

How do childfree people perceive family?

What role does gender play in these processes?

Background Childfree: those who have made the

explicit and intentional choice not to bear or rear children

Theoretical frame: Heteronormative families (Oswald, Blume and Marks 2005) “Doing” rather than “having” family 3 binaries:

Gender (man/woman) Sexuality (heterosexual/bisexual) Family (biological/chosen)

Data & Method Data

5 heterosexual, married couples (5 men, 5 women)

21 additional participants (5 men, 16 women)

Convenience sample Method

Intensive interviews with couples, 60-90 minutes

Focus groups of 2-5 people each, 90-120 minutes

Individual interviews, 45-60 minutes Analysis

Inductive approach Recorded & transcribed interviews &

focus groups 2 coders; coding independently, then

collaboratively

SampleCouples InterviewsNAMES AGE PROFESSION

Kim; Jack 40, 40 Teacher; TeacherJan; Fred 43; 42 Professor; ProfessorMandy; Tim 34; 32 Engineer; Substitute teacher & SurveyorRobin; Joel Late 30s; Late 30s Technology; TechnologyEmily; Bruce Mid 30s; Mid 30s Technology; Technology

Focus Groups & Individual InterviewsNAME AGE GENDER RELATIONSHIP STATUS PROFESSIONJulie Mid 40s Woman Live w/ boyfriend Social servicesApril 35 Woman Married to husband Campus staffJanet 31 Woman Single/dating men Real estate agentBecky 35 Woman Partnered w/ boyfriend PediatricianTanya 41 Woman Divorced from husband/single TeacherBarb 33 Woman Single Animal rights orgKate 37 Woman Partnered with girlfriend StudentJessica 25 Woman Partnered with girlfriend Animal rights orgSarah Mid 30s Woman Partnered with boyfriend PsychiatristBrittany 50 Woman Married Legal secretaryAnnie 37 Woman Partnered Child therapistNicole 35 Woman Partnered Medicare billingAllison 34 Woman Partnered Grant writerBob Mid 30s Man Partnered with girlfriend ProfessorCory 31 Man Single/partnered EngineerJim 32 Man Single/partnered EngineerJill 33 Woman Single/partnered Social servicesBill 37 Man Married TechnologyTony 39 Man Single ProfessorMary 27 Woman Single StudentChar 22 Woman Single Student

Findings: Three Themes

Kids Are People, Too Professional Connections Unique Relationships Because

Childfree

Kids Are People, Too

Kids as autonomous beings; some are likeable, some are not Kim: “I am a believer in discipline and not all

kids are equally charming to be around. It’s not that I don’t like kids, I just don’t want to necessarily be around some of them all the time.”

Bob: “When I go over to people’s houses who have kids, I like playing with the kids. I enjoy it. In fact, it’s often easier to hang out with some people’s kids than with the parents.”

Professional Connections Relationships with kids as teachers,

therapists, social workers, nannies, and doctors Char: “I’m an education major so I have kids that

I work with for that. … I can imagine spending seven hours a day with young children, that’s fun. But I definitely couldn’t imagine spending 24 hours a day with them.”

Tanya: “I found that when I was a nanny I became quite attached to those children. I really was. I found I could really feel those feelings.”

Kate: “I’ve been able to relate to kids in a certain way and that’s one of the reasons I’ve always wanted to be an educator or a teacher. I feel like I do have the ability to be really patient and I want to make sure that children do have access to advocacy and to adults who aren’t parents.”

Unique Relationships Because Childfree

Friendships with children Kim: “I get to be her playmate.” Jack: “The kids can see us as a bigger,

older friend.” Legal, spiritual, & guardian

responsibilities for kids Tanya: “He lived with us for five or six

months because we wanted, in a weird way, to help care for an older child. We wanted to provide someone who had so much potential with the opportunity to see a different way of living. ”

Summing Up, Next Steps Summing up

It’s less about children than it is about parents

Many childfree people like children It takes a village

Other patterns Most come from happy family

backgrounds Simultaneously resist and reify gender

Next Steps Continue data collection and analysis Future Friendly Families: a book project

on the history, ethics, and cultural impact of childfree families