important notes on listening and other

8/6/2019 Important Notes on Listening and Other

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Business Communication

Dr. Meltem Yaman

2003


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Objective of the Course understanding the importance and the

difference of Business Communication

To increase

Listening

Speaking

Writing

effectiveness in business communication.


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Basic Communication Model

Speaker encoding message decoding listener

in successfull communication

sent =received


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3 V of Communication Verbal:What you say:the message

Vocal: How you say: music of your voice

Visual: How you seem&who are you

Most powerful element of communication is:

Visual

! Give importance to visual self, as much as the

knowledge and experience.


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Common Problem AreasSending:

Lack of gestures, tone of voice, ambigious words

!: Convey the importance of the message.

Environment:

Noise.Physical obstacles, inadequency of the channels,

Receiving:

Misinterpretion of any word or behaviour, perceptual

filter which reflect all our past experinces and learning


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Problems in Sending using technical words for communication to

nontechnical people

forgetting that the visual and vocal elements

are the most important, words less.

Ignoring the situation, expectencies and

interests of the listener according to their

expertise.


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Noise in the environment Noise creates distortions of the message and

prevents it from being understoood the way

was intended Noises may be ringing telephones, honking

horns, messy, chaotic surroundings etc.

Time, inapropriate time may be an obstacleto give message clearly.Friday afternoon isnot proper for a heavy meeting.


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Perception Problems Listeners ability to understand.

Lack of attention, inattentive or bored

listeners

Emotional state, stress, fear, anxiety, anger,

Financial pressures

Prejudgements

Be sure that the receiver is on


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The importance &difference of

business communication Time is money&time has a cost

Time is limited with project D/L,workhours

Businesspeople are not our family or friends

Business is not a game or joke but serious

It is a half-diplomatic environment We may need any person in our career path

with the nice memories about us.


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Business Comm. must be brief

Well-designed

precise

specific

Short Net&clear

Understandable&comprehensive


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Four Personal Types Beside necessity of being briefly and

precise

There are different types of people in

businessworld.

They seem different, behave different

They expect to be communicated differently

Described by Carl Jung in 1920.


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Two Dimensions of the Model

indirectness

directness

supporting controlling


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Dimension 1:

Directness versus Indirectness:

Describes the persons observable

behaviour

Means the tendency to move forward by

expressing, thoughts, feelings, expectations

in order to influence others


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Dimension 2:

Supporting versus Controlling: Explains the motivating goal behind our

observable actions

Supporting people tend to put relationships

with others as their chief priority

Controlling people prioritize the

accomplishment of the task at hand


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TypicalDir

ect People I Fast-paced, assertive, take charge

Forceful, type A personality who confront

conflict, change, risk and decision makinghead on

Outspoken communicators who often

dominate Competetive, impatient, confrontational, they

bulldoze their way through life, often arguingfor the sake of arguing


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TypicalDir

ect People II Confident; maintain strong eye contact and

have firm handshakes

People who thrive on accomplishment andare not concerned with rules and policies

Tend to think It is easier to beg forgiveness

than to take permission Speak quickly in loud, aggressive tones and

presents a bold visual appearence


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TypicalDir

ect People III Direct people may seem hasty, combative,

has lower awareness of others needs,

impatient, dominant, manipulative and

talkative

They may seem dedicated, determined,

energetic, risk-taker, active, action-peoplealso


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TypicalIndir

ect People I Cautious in their approach to risk,

decisionmaking and change

Slow-paced, low-key, meek, harmonious

Slow to take initiatives at social gatherings

Tentative,reserved communicators who

hesitate to contribute in meetings, Conflict avoiders.Diplomatic, patient,

cooperative.


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TypicalIndir

ect People II On unimportant issues prefer to conform, rather

then argue. When they have strong convictions

about an issue, however, they will stand theirground.

Low-profile, reserved and gentle. Handshakes are

are gentle and and they speak in slowerpace and

lower volume

Generally conservative and reserved in their visual

appearence, making indirect qualified statements


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Briefly direct-indirect-V

erb

alIndirect

Asks (Would you like

to sit down?)

Listens

Reserves Opinions

Low quantity of verbalcommunication

Direct

Tells( Have a sit or sit

down)

Talks

Expresses opinions

readily Lots of verbal

communications


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Briefly direct-indirect-Vo

calIndirect

Steady, even delivery

Less forceful

Lower volume

Slower speech patterns

Direct

More voice variety

More forceful

Higher volume

Faster speech patterns


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Briefly direct-indirect-Vi

sualIndirect

Gently handshake

Intermitten eye-

contact

Limited gestures to

empasize points Exhibits patience

Direct

Firmly handshake

Steady eye contact

Gestures to emphasize

points

Displays impatience


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TypicalS

uppor

tin

g People I Are emotionally open, with animated facial

expressions and physical gestures

Feel comfortable expressing joy, sadness,confusion

Maintain closer physical proximity; end to

be huggers, handshakers, and touchers Are informal and prefer to be relaxed, warm

relationships


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TypicalS

uppor

tin

g People II Enjoy loose, amusing conversations, frequently

tell stories, often embarrassing incidents

Prefer unstructured time and are seldom disturbedwhen other people waste their time

Supporting people are more accepting about time

usage and arrange their schedules according to the

needs of people first and tasks later.Flexible about

others time also.


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TypicalS

uppor

tin

g People III Supporting people are motivated by their

relationships and feelings

They want to get to know people and they tend tomake decisions based on feelings, experiences and

relationships

Emotionally open and show it by using body

language, more vocal inflections, making

continual eye contact, and communicating in terms

of feelings like their joy, sadness, confusion etc.


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TypicalS

uppor

tin

g People IV They like to make conversations enjoyable,

so they often willingly stray from the

subject to discuss personal interests andexperiences

They may seem not dependant, weak,

inattention, concentrated poorly accordingto the controlling people.


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TypicalCon

tro

llin

g People I Emotionally reserved-called pokerfaces

More rigid, physically, and less expressive

than Supporting people. Tend to keep physically distant from others

Guarded and controlled physically, mentally

and emotionally, seldom loose control Task-oriented; dislike digressions from their

agendas


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TypicalCon

tro

llin

g People II Fact-oriented decisionmakers. Want to see statistics

or hard evidence.

People who prefer working alone and put little valueon opinions and feelings

More comfortable operating in an entellectual mode.

Champions of time management. They are theefficiency experts of the world who create and follow

rigid plans and schedules.


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TypicalCon

tro

llin

g People III Controlling types are motivated by the task at hand

and want to accomplish their goals.

Usually keep their distance, both physically andmentally.Tend to stay away from others.

Have strong sense of personal space and territory

and hate it whensomeone invades it.

Have restricted range of verbal, vocal and visual

expression.Controlled hand and body movement.


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TypicalCon

tro

llin

g People IV Controlling people adhere to a more time

disciplined agenda.

Concentrate on business, keep their personalfeelings private.

They prefer working with things or through peoplerather than with them or for them.

They may seem restrictive, coercive or result-oriented, interested in with mostly not feeling buttime usage of others.


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Being open to different styles Knowing which personal style best

describes you and the other people you need

to communicate with is an important stepin analyzing and improving your

communication skills.

Each personal type has a different way ofperceiving the world, behaving and

communicating.Learn to reach them..


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Four Behavioural StylesSupporting(relationship-oriented)

Controlling

(task oriented)

Indirect

(slowpace)

Direct

(fast-paced)

the socializer

style

the relater style

the thinker

stylethe director

style


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TheSo

cializ

er

I Socializers are direct and supportive

Friendly,enthusiastic, action people

Like applause, admiration, compliments

Tend to place more priority to relations than

tasks, like to have fun and enjoy life

They influence others with great

persuasion.


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TheSo

cializ

er

II Need interaction and contact with people

Are risk taker and based on more intuition.

Act and decide spontaneously

Are concerned with approval and appearences

Think emotionally Think about the big picture, get bored with

details


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TheSo

cializ

er

III Like changes and innovations

Needs help in getting organized

Dislike conflict

Maintain a positive, optimistic orientationto life

Exaggerate and generalize Tend to dream and get others caught up in

the dreams


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TheSo

cializ

er

IV Jump from one activity to another

Work quickly and excitedly with others

Seek esteem and acknowledgement from others Disorganised, touchers, motivational

For balance they need to control their time, and

emotions, be more objective, concentrate on the

task, take more logical approach to projects, spend

more time with checking, verifying, specifying


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TheDir

ector

I Directors are direct and controlling

They are driven by an inner need to take

charge of situations

Are firm in their relationships with others,

oriented toward productivity and goals and

concerned with bottomline results

They may seem tough, impatient, stubborn


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TheDir

ector

II Need to be in charge, dislike action

Act quickly and decisively

Think logically, power oriented

Want facts and highlights

Strive for results, sometimes workholic

Need personal freedom to manage self and

others


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TheDir

ector

III Like changes

Prefer to delegate details

Cool, independent and competetive

Low tolerance for feelings, attitudes andadvise of others

Work quickly and impressively alone Want to be recognized for their

accomplishment


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TheDir

ector

IV Have a tendency to engage in arguments and

conflict, decisive, precise, efficient

Have good administrative skills Always in a hurry and talk business shortly

For more balance they need to learn active

listening, patience, sensitivity, humility,respect to rules, team work, to show concernto others, project more relaxed image


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TheT

hink

er

I Thinkers are both indirect and controlling.

Analytical, persistent, problem-solver

Security conscious, in high need to be right

Slow to reach a decision but decisive

Uncomfortable with illogical people

Are non-contact people, not touchers


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TheT

hink

er

II Think logically and analytically

Need data

Need to be right

Like organization and structure

Ask many questions about specific details

Prefer objective, task oriented intellectual

work environment


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TheT

hink

er

III Need to understand the process

Are cautious decision-makers

Prefer to do things themselves

Work slowly and precisely alone

Like to be admired for their accuracy

Avoid conflict

Like to contemplate


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TheT

hink

er

IV Disciplined about time, rigid, like charts&graphics

Critical for their own performance

Tend to be accountants, engineers, computerprogrammers, system analysts, architects,chemists, physician, maths.

For balance they need to improve timely

decisionmaking, initiation of new projects, toshow concern for others, try timesavers&shortcuts

Adjust more disorganization and change,


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TheR

elater

I Relaters are supporting and indirect.

They are the most people-oriented of all 4

Having close, friendly, personal relations

with others is one of the their most

important objectives, and dislike conflict.

Have good counselling skills and supportive

Excellent listenners and like good listeners


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TheR

elater

II Concerned with stability

Think logically

Want documentation and facts

Need personal involvement

Take action and make decisions slowly

Need to know step by step sequence

Avoid risks and changes


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TheRelater

III Work slowly with others

Try to accomodate others

Want tranquility and peace

Seek security and belongingness

Enjoy teamwork

Want to know they are appreciated


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The Relater IV

Have strong networks of people like them

Unassertive, warm, reliable, soft-hearted

Compliant, slow in taking action, avoid risk

Good trust builders, good team players

Thet are irritated by pushy, agressive people

Ideal occupations are counselling,teaching,

social work, nursing, human resources,


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The Relater V

Primary strenghts of Relaters are caring forand loving others

They like others to be friendly, courteous,genuine, responsible and sensitive

For more balance need to learn to say no ,to be more task-oriented and less sensetivefor others, be willing to reach from comfortzone to set goals and to delegate it to others.


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The Four Style in Business Life

The Socializers like other-people to be risk-takers and act quickly, anddecisively

The Directors like others to be decisive,efficient, receptive andintelligent

The Thinkers like others to be credible,professional, sincere and courteous

The Relaters like others to be courteous andfriendly with sharing responsibilities


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The Four Style At Glance

Relater

Relationship-oriented

Moves, act and speaksslowly

Wants tranquility

peace

Enjoys teamwork

Good counselling skills

Socializer

Relationship-oriented

Moves, acts, speak quickly

Risk- taker

Wants excitement &change

Enjoy spotlight Good persuasive skills


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The Four Style At Glance

Thinker

Task-oriented

Moves, acts and speaks

slowly Wants to be accurate

Enjoys solitary,intellectual work

Cautious decision-makers

Good problem-solvingskills

Director

Task-oriented

Moves, acts and speaks

quickly

Wants to be in charge

Gets results throughothers

Makes decisions quickly

Good administrativeskills


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Adapting Yourself I

If you are a DirectorLower your emphasis

on

Control of other people

Develop and

demonstrate more

Supportive skills andactions such as

listening, questioning,

and positive

reinforcement


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Adapting Yourself II

If you are a SocializerLower your emphasis

on

Need for approval fromother people or groups

Develop and

demonstrate more

Directive skills and actionssuch as self-assertion,

conflict-resolution,

negotiations


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Adapting Yourself III

If you are a RelaterLower your emphasis

on

Resistance to try new ordifferent opportunities

Develop and

demonstrate more

Directive skills andactions such as

negotiation and

divergent thinking


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Adapting Yourself IV

If you are a ThinkerLower your emphasis

on

Unnecessaryperfectionism and the

tendency to focus on

weakness

Develop anddemonstrate more

Supportive skills andactions such asemphatic listening,positive reinforcementof others, involvement

with others withcomplementarystrengths


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Communicating with

Socializers IDirect &Supporting people who talk, move

and make-decision quickly and they are

relation oriented:

Support their opinions

Allow the discussion to flow, even go on far

Be entertaining and fast moving


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Communicating with

Socializers II Avoid conflict and arguments

Agree and make notes of the specifies of

any agreement

Compliment their appearance, creative

ideas, persuasiveness, and charisma

Allow them to get things off their chest


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Communicating with

Directors IDirect &Controlling People, who talk, move

and make decisions quickly, and they are

task-oriented

Support their goals and objectives

Talk about the desired results

Keep your communication businesslike


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Communicating with

Directors II Recognize their ideas rather than them

personally

Be precise, efficient, well-organised

Provide them clearly described options with

supporting analysis

Arguing on facts, not feelings whendisagreements occur


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Communicating with

Thinkers IIndirect &Controlling people who move and

make decisions more slowly. They are task-

oriented. Be thorough and well prepared

Support their organized, thoughtful approach

Support their need to be accurate and logical Demonstrate through actions rather than

words


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Communicating with

Thinkers II Compliment their efficiency, thought

process and organization

Be systematic, exact, organised andprepared

Describe a process in detail and explainhow it will produce results

Ask questions and let them show you howmuch they know


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Communicating with

Thinkers III Allow time for deliberation and analysis

Answer questions and provide details and

analysis

List advantages and disadvantages of any

plan

Provide solid, tangible, factual evidence


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Communicating with

Relaters I Be warm and sincere

Support their feelings by showing personal

interest

Assume that they will take everythink

personally

Allow them time to develop trust in you

Move along in an informal and slow manner


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Communicating with

Relaters II Actively listen

Discuss personal feelings in the event of a

disagreement

Discuss and support relationship

Compliment their teamwork, their

relationships with others and their ability toget along


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One-Dimensional Adapting

Sometimes you may want to adapt your style

but you may be not sure what style the other

person has. If you recognised onedimension, you may adapt yourself in that

way and this may be enough.


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Increasing Directness I

If the person is Direct (moves and speaksquickly; readily expresses thoughts and

feelings) you can increase the directness ofyour conversation by the following:

Speaking in a faster pace

Initiating conversations and decisions

Giving recommendations and not asking foropinions


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Increasing Directness I

Using direct statements rather than roundabout

questions

Communicating with a strong, confident voice

Challenging and tactfully disagreeing when

appropriate

Facing conflict openly but not initiating it Increasing eye contact


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Increasing Indirectedness I

If the person is Indirect (moves and speaksmore slowly, is cautious in expressing

personal thoughts and feelings,and in makingdecisions) you can increase yourIndirectedness by the following:

Talking and making decisions more slowly

Seeking and acknowledgin the opinions ofothers

Sharing decision-making and leadership


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Increasing Indirectness II

Showing less energy, Being more mellow.

Not interrupting

Providing pauses to allow other person

speak

Refraining from criticizing, challenging, or

acting pushy

Choosing words carefully when disagreeing


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Increasing Supportingness I

If the person is Supporting( motivated by

relationships and feelings), you can increase

your Supportingness by the following: Sharing your feelings and letting your

emotions show

Responding to the expression of othersfeeling


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Increasing Supportingness II

Paying personal compliments

Taking time to develop relationship

Using friendly language

Communicating more, loosening up, and

standing closer

Be willing to digress from the agenda,

going with the flow


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Increasing Controllingness I

If the person is Controlling (motivated by the

task at hand and accomplishing goals) you

can increase your controllingness byfollowing:

Getting right to the task or the bottom line

Maintaining more of a logical, factualorientation


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Increasing Controllingness I

Keeping to the agenda

Leaving when the work is done; not wasting

time

Not initiating physical contact

Downplaying enthusiasm and body

movement

Using businesslike language


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We learned that

Dynamic communication that persuades influences

requires a speaker and a listener who are on the

same wavelenght By understanding 4 styles, you have the basis for

expanding your communication potential

People are different in communication

It is possible to avoid from pitfalls

It is possible to be speaking as multistyle


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Next Lesson

We will work on

Verbal and Nonverbal Communication


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Lesson II

We will learn

Verbal Communication

Active listening Art of Asking Questions

Using Feedback

Conflict resolution(1.part)


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Verbal Communication

Sending the messages verbally.

We may use 4 styles for efficient sending.

Receiving the messages accurately.

We need active listening, asking questions

and giving feedback


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Listening

The most important skill of a manager is ...?..

Ineffective or poor listening is the most

frequent causes of misunderstandings,mistakes, unhappy customers, low morale

emloyee, missed sales, in private life

divorces and parent-child conflicts.Poor listeners seem disinterested, self-centered


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Reasons of Poor Listening I

Reasons of poor listening are as follows:

Listening is hard work: requiresconcentration

Competition:competition of taking our

attention by advertisements, radio, TV etc. The rush to action: we think that we knowwhat someone is going to say and interrupt.


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Reasons of Poor Listening II

SpeedDifference: The difference between

speech speed and thought speed listening

gap. Average person speaks at about 135-175 words a minute, but can listen to 400-

500 words a minute. The gap time spent

jumping into conclusions, daydreaming,

planning a reply or mentally arguing with

the speaker.


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Reasons of Poor Listening III

Lackof training: we do more listening than

speaking, reading or writing but we

receive no formal education for goodlistening.

The average employee spends about 3

quarters of each working day in verbalcommunications. Nearly half of it is spent

on listening.


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Reasons of Poor Listening

The typical employees listening effectiveness isonly 25 percent.

Three-fourths of everything that employee hears isdistorted or quickly forgotten.

The normal untrained listener is likely tounderstand only about 50% of a conversation

After48 hours it drops to 25%.

That means it is normal forgetting the discussion.


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Benefits of Better Listening

It improves relationships:

Listening to someone makes them feel good

about you which leads to increased trust andcredibility and an increased willingness

toward cooperation


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Benefits of Better Listening

There are fewer Misunderstandings

Fewer errors result in lower costs, better

products and services and higher profits

Better Understanding

Better listening improves the transfer of

information, improves teamwork, buildsmorale and leads to higher productivity


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Four Levels of Listening

People typically listen at one of four basic

levels of attentiveness. Each category

requires a particular depth of concentrationand sensitivity on the part of listener. As

you move from the first, to the next level,

listeners potential for understanding, trust

and effective communication increases.


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Nonlistening I

The nonlistener does not hear the speaker at all.

In fact, no effort is made to hear the speaker.

Recognized by her blank stare and nervous

mannerism and gestures

Non listener wants to do all or most of the

speaking, constantly interrupts, always hasto have the last word.


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Nonlistening II

The nonlistener is usually considered a social

boor and know-it-all, perceived asinsensitive and nonunderstanding.

The nonlistener is typically disliked or merelytolerated


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Marginal Listening I

Hears the sounds and the words but not the

meaning and intent. The message is not

really heard. Just stays on the surface of theargument or problem, never risking to go

deeper.Try to find noises to have an excuse

for not deeply listening. Prefer to listen only

for the data, bottom line instead of main

ideas.


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Marginal Listening II

Marginal listening is hazardous, because

misunderstanding are possible. In 1st level

speaker may notice the non-listener but maynot notice the marginal listeners level of

understanding. In workplace, it is a source

of low morale, misunderstandings, errors

and problems.


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Evaluative Listening I

More concentration and attention are required

at this level. The evaluative listener is

actively try to hear what the speaker issaying but is not making An effort to

understand the speakers intent. Tends to be

a logical listener, more concentrated about

the content than feelings.


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Evaluative Listening II

Evaluative listener tends to stay awayemotionally from the conversation.

Evaluates the message strictly on the basisof words delivered, totally ignoring that partof the message carried in the speakers vocalintonation, body language and facial

expressions. Thinks that she understand butthe speaker does not think so.Critizesspeakers dressing or count the buzzy words


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Active Listening I

Unquestionably the most comprehensive andpowerfull level of listening. Demanding andtiring because it requires the deepest level of

concentration, attention and mental as well aemotional processing effort.

Active listener refrains from coming tojudgement about the speakers message,instead focusing on understanding her pointof view.


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Active Listening II

Attention is concentrated on the thoughts andthe feelings of other person as well as the

spoken word.To listen in this manner requires our initial

suspension of our own thoughts and thefeelings in order to give attention solely to

the message and intent of the speaker.emphaty. It requires listener giveverbal&nonverbal feedback to the speakerwhat is totally being understood.


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Developing Listening Proficiency

You should develop 6 separate skills:CARESS

Concentrate

Acknowledge

Research

Exercise Emotional Control

Sense the nonverbals

Structure


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The CARESS Model I

ConcentrateExternal Environmental Barriers:

Noises in the room, other people talking, poor

acoustics, uncomfortable, cold, hot room,visitors, outside traffic, TV, radio, telephone

External Speaker-RelatedBariers:

Speakers dressing style, accent or speakingstyle, disturbing behaviours,


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The CARESS Model I

ConcentrateInternal Listener-RelatedBarriers are 2 types:

Internal Physical Barriers:Bad timing like times

close to quitting or lunch times. Pain,discomfort, stress, fatigue prevent attention

Internal Phychological Barriers:Inner voice,

boredom, daydreaming, personal values andbeliefs, past experiences, future expectations.


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The CARESS Model I

ConcentrateAll of this barriers create incredible distractions

which prevent the communication.

To begin lowering these barriers we have toassess whether they are in our control or not.

Try to control and overcome the barriers.Then,

for concentrating,do deep breathing, decide tolisten with attention for learning, mentally

paraphrase the info, maintain eye contact


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The CARESS Model II

Acknowledge:

When you acknowledge your speaker, you

demonstrate your interest and attention.Your acknowledgement encourages the

speaker and actually helps the speaker send

a clearer message. If it is acceptable do nothesitate to show acceptance for avoiding to

stop the communication.

h d l


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The CARESS Model II

AcnowledgeThink about how you like to be listened to: eye contact

Verbal responses and participation likeasking questions an vocal prompts: hmm,

Gestures like smiling, leaning forward withinterest, smiling, nodding of the head,

sitting directly facing with speaker Clarifying points by asking questions or

restating the point to be sure about message


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The CARESS Model III

Research:

Gather information about your speaker, his

interests and objectives. This will help youunderstand the message, ask questions for a

more in-depth conversation and respond to

the speaker in a way that promotescommunication.

Th CARESS M d l III


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ResearchAs Listening skill, research allows you toclarify the message, go to deeper topic.

As research tools asking questions and giving

feedback let the communication flow easier.If only speaker is talking listeners only listen,

this can create tension and suspicion on thepart of speaker. Skillfull research helplistener to reveal inner feelings, motives,needs, goals an desires.

Another technique is emphathy statements.

Th CARESS M d l III


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ResearchThere are 3 parts of emphathy statements:

Tentative StatementTentative Statement

Defining the feeling

Putting it into its situational context

It seems to meIt seems to me, youre very frustrated

because you cant get the product to workthe way you want it to work

Th CARESS M d l III


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ResearchEmphathy statements proves your attention.Encourage speaker to share feelings. It is a good

way to get people open up and share thoughts

with you.Gives opportunity to the speaker refine, expand

or correct message

By affirming the speakers feelings, build anemotional bound between the speaker &thelistener.

Th CARESS M d l IV


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The CARESS Model IV

Exercise Emotional Control:

Deal with highly charged messages in a

thoughtful manner and wait until the entiremessage is received before reacting.

Regardless of how provocative the message

is, you must concentrate on understanding itfirst.

Th CARESS M d l IV


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The CARESS Model IV

Exercise Emotional ControlWhat causes an emotional overreaction? Often

differences in values, beliefs, attitudes,

education, image etc. can cause...Dressing style, too casual or to high-powered..

Speakers accent, regional differences.

Looded words as religious, ethnic, racial orpolitical words or humor may cause reaction

These blocks the meaning of the message.

Th CARESS M d l IV


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The CARESS Model IV

Exercise Emotional ControlDo emotional control by recognizing and

redirecting your negative emotional

reactions.Recognizeby increased heartbeat, respiration

or facial flush that you are getting upset.

Redirect your reaction by pause, commongroundand visualizing calm

Th CARESS M d l IV


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The CARESS Model IV

Exercise Emotional ControlPause: or delay of action with taking deep breath, or

counting till ten and try to calm down

Comm

ongro

und

: Try to think about what you have incommon with the speaker, rather than focusing on

what is different

Visualize calm: Imagine yourself calm and relaxed.

Think of a time in your past when you we feelinglaid back, calm, on the top of the world, and feeling

increadibly great. Construct a mental picture in detail


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Th CARESS M d l V


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The CARESS Model V

Sense the Nonverbal MessageAccording to Dr. Mehrabian, author of Silent

Messages, about %90 of the message is

carried through visual and vocal channels.Only 7-10 % is verbal, through actual words.

It is critical that we learn to recognize the

nonverbal and vocal messages in bothreceiving messages and sending messages


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The CARESS Model VI

Structure:

Structure and organize the information as you

receive it. This is what you should do withthe time generated by the gap between

speaking and the hearing speeds. By

organizing the information as you receivedit, you will improve your retention and

understanding of the material.

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The CARESS Model VI

StructureThere is a time gap between the listening and

the speaking speeds. The gap time can be

used by structuring.Structuring revolves around three primaryactivities as:

1. indexing

2. sequencing

3. comparing

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The CARESS Model VI

Structure1.Indexing: is taking mental or written notes of

1. the topic or the major idea,

2. the key points being discussed, and

3. the reasons, subpoints and supporting points

Indexing is made easier by listening for

transitional words like what I want to talk toyou today is(main idea), for example (a

supporting point), first(keypoint one)

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The CARESS Model VI

Structure2. Sequencing: is listening for order or priority.

Sometimes someone tells you something in

which the order is very important, you aregiven instructions or directions where theorder is crucial. Like indexing you need tofollow the numbers as first, second etc. If you

have any doubt you may check it with thespeaker as asking let me make sure Iunderstand the order you are describing

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The CARESS Model VI

Structure3. Comparing: is trying to discriminate

between what is fact and what is

assumption, discriminate betweenadvantages and disadvantages and

discriminate between positives and

negatives.You also listen for consistency.

Another method is taking notes on what the

speaker is saying. With mindmapping also.

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ACTIVE LISTENING

ATTITUDEThe skills needed to improve listening are

relatively simple to learn and implement.

Perhaps the harder task is developing theactive listening attitude.Understand that:

1. Attitude: Listening is as powerful as

speech: What someone says to you is just ascritical as what you have to say to them.

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ACTIVE LISTENING

ATTITUDE2. Attitude: Listening saves time: People who

listen actively find that they experience fewermistakes, fewer interpersonalmisunderstandings, less employee andcustomer turnover.

3. Attitude: Listening is important and

worthwhile with everyone:When youbelieve that you can learn something fromeveryone you meet, you will approachlistening with a new enthusiasm.


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The Art of Asking Questions

Asking good questions is particularly

important in organizations where working

together to achieve a common purposedepends upon the members of the

organizations understanding each other

clearly.Asking questions about how things

are done, why they are done, who is

responsible for that, what is the budget etc.


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The Art of Asking Questions

We ask questions a lot since our childhood.

But the point is being able to ask right question

at the right time for communication.Why DoWe AskQuestions?

1. To gaininformation: Information transferdepends on questions. Who, what, where,when, why, how, how much are arequestioning words for gathering information.


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Why do we ask questions?

2. To stimulate conversation: For socializing.

How are you?Have you heard? Didyousee?

Can you believe?What doyou think? Etc..3. To gain the others views: When you need

to know what someone else is thinking, ask.

What doyou thinkabout...? Can you tell mehow you feelabout...?



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4. To checkagreement: What does otherperson think about what you have discussed?Do you think we are on the right track? Canyou support this decision? Are we in

agreement, Do you have any objections? Howdoes this sound to you?

5. Toverify information: Sometimes what you

hear is not what you were meant. Asking forfeedback is a critical part of thecommunication process. Did I understand youto mean..? Can I summarize it as...?


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6.Tobuildrapport and trust: Rapport and

trust are built by showing support for the

other persons goals and objectives. Howcan I help you? What can I do to help you to

meet your objectives? What would you like

to accomplish? Tell me about your

goals/dreams/objectives?

The Two Major Types of


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Questions-ClosedThere are two types of questions:

1. Closed:generally simple, information

gathering questions. Response to a closedquestion is usually yes, no or a very briefanswer.

Typical closed questions are: What time is it?,

Didyou finish the project? Are you going tothe meeting,can you workovertime tonight?

When didyou first discovered the problem?



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Questions-ClosedClosed question perform the following

functions:

1. They allow specific facts to be gathered.Whatcolourdoyou prefer?

2. They are easy to answer. Willyou befinished, by 5.00 p.m.?

3. They are useful in the feedback processwhere someone wants to check the accuracyor completeness of the communication. HaveI got the informationright?



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Questions-Closed4. They can be used to gain commitment to a

position.Does thisseem rightso far?

5. They can be used to reinforce positivestatements. Thisseems like a good plan,

doesnt it?

6. This can be used to direct the conversation

to a desired topic or concern.Doyou havetime to talk the budget?



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Questions-OpenOpen questions are generally more deep and

require longer, more complex answers. Are usedto draw out a wide range of responses on a broad

topic. Often ask for opinions, thoughts andfeelings.

How did you feel about the meeting?

What could we do to make this project better? How can we meet our objectives?

What is your opinion on the new marketing plan?



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Questions-OpenOpen questions have the following characteristics:

1. They can not be answered by a simple yes or

no.H

ow doyou think we could make thisprocess work better?

2. They usually begin with what or how.Whatdoyou thinkabout the new benefits policy?

3. They do not lead the answer:Whatcould wemake improvements in the new marketing plan



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Questions-Open4. They draw out ideas and feelings. How doyou

feelabout the reorganization of the department?

5. They encourage elaboration on objectives,

needs, wants and problems. What doyou think

about the new employee review system?

6. They promote self-discovery. How doyou thinkthe new process will work foryourgroup?



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Questions-Open7.They stimulate thinking about your ideas.Where doyou think we mightrun intoproblems with this idea?

8.They allow a broad range of responses andstyles. How wouldyouchange the policy?

It is important to know which kind of question-

open or closed- to use to achieve your goals.Both are useful and can help you to achieveseveral different purposes including:



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Questions-Goals1.Fact-Finding: If you are looking for

specific information and data, use closed

questions that ask for the detail you need.What did you accomplish on the project?

will generate more detail than Didyou get

a lot done?. Take notes and verify that you

understood the information correctly.



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Questions-Goals2.Feeling-finding:to understand a persons

feeling about a subject generally requiresopen questions.Are you happyabout theproject? Does not get the same response asthe open-ended question How doyou feelabout the project?Used properly, feeling-

finding questions generate a lot of informationabout attitudes, convictions and motivations.This type of questions are very powerful,because too seldom asked&listened carefully.



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Questions-Goals3. Clarifying: Closed questions are used to

verify your understanding of a conversation.

Do Iunderstandyoucorrectly? Are youreferring to ..? Doyou mean..? are examples

of questions which you may ask to make

sure you understand the information being

given to you.



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Questions-Goals4. Expanding: Open questions are used to

draw out further information on a topic. Can

you give me an example?Wouldyou tell memore about that point?What else might be

causinga problem? are questions that

continue to generate information about the

subject.



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Questions-Goals5. Directing: Directing questions are

generally closed and point the conversationtoward a particular goal. What was the otherpointyou wanted to make? Can we go backand talkaboutyourfirst item? Couldnt wepostpone the decision fora week? With

these questions, you want to direct theconversation to a different topic or to leadthe person to a particular decision.


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Questioning Strategies II


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Questioning Strategies II

Some General Strategies1. Have a plan: Know what you want to

accomplish and what type of questions you will

need to use. You do not have the questions

written but in advance you should be clear about

your objectives.

2. Keep the question simple: It is best to ask for

one answer at a time. If there are two or threeparts in a question people will tend to answer the

last or first or the part which they feel safe.

Questioning Strategies III


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Questioning Strategies III

Some General Strategies3. Stay focused: Keep the questions on track

and follow a topic to its conclusion. Any

question that starts with By the way.. isprobably means that the subject has

changed. Hold the question for later.

4. AvoidAmbiguity: Ambiguous questions

generate ambiguous answers.

Questioning Strategies IV


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Questioning Strategies IV

Some General Strategies6. Stay nonthreatening: Trust is a key essential

in communication. The wrong question canquickly destroy trust and the relationship.Why didnt you...?, How could you..?,Arent you... are the questions whichgenerally make people defensive. Once

someone throws up a wall of defense, theopportunity for exchanging information andbuilding a relationship goes away.


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Questioning Strategies VI


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Questioning Strategies VI

Some General Strategies7. Avoid manipulation: Keep the relationship as a

primary focus. Tricking someone into giving youan answer you want destroys trust and rapport.

Wouldyou preferto work overtime tonightortomorrow night? Does not give a person thechance to say that he does not want to workovertime at all. Explaining the need for the

overtime and asking if he is available has a totallydifferent feel. Manipulation is an attempt to takeaway a persons control.

M ki ith f db k


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Making sure with feedback

It isnt very far.

I need it very quickly.

That will cost a lot of money.

It will not cost you too much..

These are ambigious words:not clear&net

Call me later and well discuss it. When?

One hour later, today, tomorrow, next week?

M ki ith f db k II


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Making sure with feedback II

These kinds of statements which we use very

frequently in our daily life, needs to be

clarified and confirmed with the other partof the communication. Unless, there may be

misunderstandings and lack of information.

Feedback and clearification can take the

ambiguity out of promises, agreements,

schedules, policies and procedures.

T f F db k


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Types of Feedback

Feedback comes in a number of forms. Thereis verbal, nonverbal, fact and feelingtypes. Each serves a specific purpose in thecommunication process.

Verbal Feedback:

It is the type which we are most frequenty

aware of and most often use.With verbalfeedback, you can accomplish a number offavorable objectives such as:

T f F db k V b l I


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Types of Feedback-Verbal I

1. to ask for clarification of a message.

2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to theother person.

3. To determine how to structure a presentationthat will be meaningful and effective for theother person.

1. to askfor clarificationofa message.

To improve the accuracy and clarity of a messageduring a conversation, use clarifying feedbackstatements such as the following:

T f F db k V b l II


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Types of Feedback-Verbal II

Let me be sure I understand what youve said

Lets see if I can review the key points weve

discussed. I hear you saying.....

I think I hear you saying that your central

concern is... As I understand it, your major objectives are..

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Types of Feedback-Verbal III

Clearifying feedback statements can also end

with the following:

...Did I understand you properly? ...Did I hear you correctly?

...Was I on target with what you mean?

..Were those our major concerns? ...Can you add anything to my summary?

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Types of Feedback-Verbal IV

Using feedback is mostly very critical in the

workplace. There is only one way to know

if the message you are receiving is the sameas the message being sent.That is by asking

for clarification, or restating the message

with your own words and asking for

verification of your understanding.

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Types of Feedback-Verbal V

2. To give positive and/or negative strokes to theother person.

When a person does something positive thatbehaviour needs to be positively reinforcement.Simple statements are in order such as: Theproject report you did was clear and concise.

Nice job, You made it really easy for the forthe comittee to understand the issues, I reallyappreciate the extra effort you put in. and

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Types of Feedback-Verbal VI

You are doing an excellent job staying with

budget.These statements tell the person

specifically what you recognize and appreciate.Given in a timely and consistent manner, this type

of feedback lets the person know what kind of

performance is required. It encourages them to

continue with similar performance.

Types of Feedback Verbal VII


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Types of Feedback-Verbal VII

On the other hand, when behaviour requiresnegative feedback, offer it in a private,constructive environment. Ignoringinappropriate performance tends toprolonge it, as silence has been meant astacit approval. No one likes to be critized,so negative feedback should be directedonly at the performance. If possible it mustbe sandwichedbetween positive feedback.

Types of Feedback Verbal VIII


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Types of Feedback-Verbal VIII

For example:, use phrases such as: Its obviousthat you put in a lot of effort on this report.The issues are so complex that it would helpif we had a one page summary.,Your workis extremely accurate but when you come inlate, it puts us all behind schedule.,Iappreciate your help folding the brochures.Since they will be going to customers, itsimportant that they are extremely neat.

Types of Feedback Verbal IX


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Types of Feedback-Verbal IX

It is important to make sure you give theperson enough specific information so thathe can correct his performance in the future.

3. During presentation:

By asking simple questions, you candetermine whether a presentation is

working, whether to proceed in the currentdirection or modify the approach.

Types of Feedback Verbal X


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Types of Feedback-Verbal X

For example in a project planing presentation you

may ask, after general brief summary as Would

you like me go into the details of this project, or

do you have some other questions that youd liketo ask me first? allows you to determine the

persons present state of mind or level of

receptivity. I sometimes move along so quickly.Is it proper or would you prefer if we go on more

slowly for your better understanding?

Types of Feedback Nonverbal I


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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal I

Nonverbal means the message of positive or

negative attitudes, feelings, opinions that

you give by using our bodies, eyes, faces,

postures and senses. You do this consiouslyor unconsciously, just as others do with you.

The sensitive, perceptive communicator uses

the nonverbal feedback he or she is gettingfrom the other person to structure the

content and direction of the message.

Types of Feedback Nonverbal II


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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal II

The result is a positive continuance of theinteraction and increased trust and credibilityin the relationship.

The # of the nonverbal feedback is not asimportant as how you interpret it and react toit. These signals help you realize when you

are loosing the other persons interest. Youcan react by changing your pace, topic orstyle to recapture the persons interest or trust

Types of Feedback Nonverbal III


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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal III

Nonverbal feedback is very important in

manager/employee relations.Too often

ineffective communications betweenmanagers and employees result in mixed

messages This means that while one

message is being verbalized, something

totally different is being stated throughvocal intonation and body language.

Types of Feedback Nonverbal IV


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Types of Feedback-Nonverbal IV

Mixed messages create tension, distrust. Rightlyand wrongly, the person feels that you arepurposely hiding something. It is extremelyimportant to keep your verbal and nonverbalmessages syncronized.

As we mentioned in listening acknowledgement

is very important. People do not want to speakto people who do not respond or show anyemotion. They want to see feedback to feel safe.

Types of Feedback Fact I


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Types of Feedback-Fact I

Like fact-finding questions, fact feedback isabout specific data and information. Factfeedback is asking a spesific, closed question

or making a spesific statement of the facts asyou know it and asking for clarification.

When you are depending on the other peoples

facts and they are depending on yours, it iscritical to get and give the informationexactly. Fact feedback is also used in words.

Types of Feedback Fact II


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Types of Feedback-Fact II

Due to recent layoffs, all employees are

expected to work harder.

There will be a short wait for a table. Dont spend too much time on that job.

In this company, we are liberal and democratic.

Major credit cards are excepted We will be visiting NY&Chicago . We expect

to open our first unit there.

Types of Feedback Fact III


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Types of Feedback-Fact III

What exactly do you mean by working harderHow much hours may be the overtime?

How long is the wait? Will we wait 15 mnt or .?

How much time should I spent on the job? Isthere a deadline?

Whatdo you mean by liberal and democratic?

Which major credit cards? Do you accept visa?

Which city will have the first unit?

Types of Feedback-Feeling I


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Types of Feedback-Feeling I

What are the underlying causes and motivations

behind her message and her facts? How much

personal feelings does her message carry for

her? How does she really feel about what she

is saying to you? Does she know whether her

message is really getting through to you, at

feeling level?All these questions underscore the importance

of feeling feedback.

Types of Feedback-Feeling II


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Types of Feedback-Feeling II

Feeling feedback is especially important in

organizations.. Perhaps because it is so

seldom requested. The old school ofbusiness etiquette believed that feelings had

no place at work. Personal lives, feelings

and emotional involvements were to be left

in entrance of the work. We know todaythat this is impossible and not useful also.

Types of Feedback-Feeling III


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Types of Feedback-Feeling III

Research has shown that one of the most

effective ways to handle organizational

change is to let people chat about howthey feel about the change. Just the process

of talking about how they feel helps them

adapt to the change.

Types of Feedback-Feeling IV


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Types of Feedback-Feeling IV

Organizations are a complex web of peopleworking to achieve a common purpose.

As organizational life becomes more complex

and more demanding, it requires the fullcommitment of each member to achieve theorganizational goals. Full commitmentrequires an environment of trust that allows

each person to express his or her thoughtsand feelings openly.

Types of Feedback-Feeling V


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Types of Feedback Feeling V

Organizations that request and provide a high

level of feeling feedback understand that the

feelings of each person are critical part ofthe communication process.

It is as important to understand the feelings

inherent in a message, as it is to understand

the facts of the message.

Types of Feedback-Feeling VI


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Types of Feedback Feeling VI

Feeling Feedback should be two-directional:

You need to make effort to understand the

feelings, emotions and attitudes that underliethe messages that come to you.

In addition, you should clearly project feeling

feedback to the other person to let her know

that her message has gotten through to you, at

feeling level.

Types of Feedback-Feeling VII


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Types of Feedback Feeling VII

Followings are candidates for feeling

feedback questions:

I am tired of all the politics around here. My last review was a joke

Quality is just another management fashion

No one cares about my problems Another organisation.. Nothing will change.

Types of Feedback-Feeling VIII


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Types of Feedback Feeling VIII

Examples of requests for feeling feedbackwould be:

How are the politics here affecting you?

Whats bothering you about your last review? Whay do you feel that management isnnt

committed to the quality program?

What would make you feel like theorganization cared about your problems?

How do you feel about the reorganization?

Types of Feedback-Feeling IX


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Types of Feedback Feeling IX

Fact feedback is meeting of minds, feelingfeedback is meeting of hearts. It is just effectiveuse of empathy.When you can really experience

the other persons true feelings and understandwhere she is coming from and project thisemotional awareness to her, it serves toreinforce rapport, lower interpersonal tension,

and significantly increase trust. Supportingbehaviours and nonverbal signals are importantin feeling feedback process.

The Keys to Effective Feedback I


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The Keys to Effective Feedback I

Through the effective use of feedback skills, youcan create a good communication climate.

Give andGet Definitions: The meanings andthe interpretations of the words and phrasesmay differ according to the different people,group, region and society. There are many

many different meanings of the words, inaddition to the loaded meanings. So we needdefinitions.

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The Keys to Effective Feedback II

Do Not Assume: Because it is dangerous.

Do not assume anything in communications.

Do not assume that you and the other part are

talking about the same thing.Do not assume that the words has the same

meaning or automatically understood.

Use more feedback and fewer assumptions, tobe more accurate and be sure everone isunique and has a different frame of reference.

The Keys to Effective Feedback III


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The Keys to Effective Feedback III

AskQuestions: Rule is This:

If there is a doubt, check it out. Questioning

is a method for checking.Clarifying questions, expansion questions,

direction questions, fact-finding questions,

feeling-finding questions and open

questions can be used for effective feedback

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The Keys to Effective Feedback IV

SpeakThe Same Language: Avoid from

using technical and ambiguous words. If the

people do not understand you, this mayincrease suspect and distrust.

Stay TunedIn: Observe the other person. Be

sensitive to the feelings and related

nonverbal signals to perceive and accord the

management of the conversation.

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The Keys to Effective Feedback V

Give FeedbackOnThe Behaviour, Not ThePerson

This is about positive and negative strokes. Relate

the feedback with the action or behaviour to bepraised or punished. Never direct it to personalityof the person. Indicating specificaly, thebehaviour and action, give the person the chance

to understand and work on for betterperformance. Many ineffective managers looseemployees who has correctable mistakes.

The Keys to Effective Feedback VI


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The Keys to Effective Feedback VI

TrackThe GoodTiming: There are timeswhen it is best not to give feedback. Take adeep breath, close your mouth and restrain

your body language and facial expressionsin these situations. When the person wasmore sensitive it is much better to postponethe process. Effective feedback candecrease interpersonal tension and buildtrust and credibility if used properly.

Conflict Resolution


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Conflict Resolution

People naturally disagree about what to do,how to do, and when to do it.

That interaction of ideas and opinions sparks

new ideas and leads to better solutios andplans of action.

However when differences of opinion are

accompanied by too much emotionalcommittment, the resulting conflict can bedamaging.

Nature of Conflict


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Conflict does not need to be destroying. Opencommunication without emotionalexplosions is the key method for resolution.

Thre are three components ofconflict:1. Two or more persons are involved

2. There are different perceptions of ideas,

actions, beliefs or goals.3. The opposing sides see their way as the onlyway.


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Common Sources Of Conflict II


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CommunicationBarriers: Differing

perceptions, language, ineffective listening,

style differences, power and status barriers.Communication training is the solution for this.

Interdependency: Increasingly our ability to

accomplish our goals and objectives depends

on the cooperation and asistance for others.

This interdependency increases conflict.

Common Sources Of Conflict III


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IncreasedInteraction:The more people interact, the

more potential there is for conflict. The trend

toward increasing levels of participation and

teamwork indicates a higher level of conflict and agreater need for conflict resolution skills.

Competition: For rewards such as promotions,

recognition conflict is natural. If the organizationrewards the person who has no rules or values for

the success, or if someone promote, conflict appear.

The Four Phases of Conflict


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Conflict may occur between individuals, groupsand organizations. Phase are the same.

1. First:Appears in change.A budget cutback, a

new project, change of manager or value etc.

2. Perceived: The point at which members are

becoming aware of the problem& the tension.

3. Felt: Internal tensions and frustrations begin to

be defined and people begin to built emotions.

4. Last: Opposing parties try to frustrate one

another. Conflict is very obvious at this point.

Strategies For Managing Conflict I


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g g g

Each strategy has advantages&disadvantages.

In any case, familiarize yourself with them.

Avoidance:Rarely work, ostrich approach.Accommodation:Someone sacrifies or say OK

Domination:Someone imposes a solution.

Negotiation:Involves moderate levels ofcooperation and assertiveness. Partly win &loose

Strategies For Managing Conflict II


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g g g

Collaboration:Requires a high level of

cooperation and assertiveness. Takes

time& effort, probe for the real needs and

creative, longlasting solutions. Through

open communication, it takes time but

efficient.

There are 4 components ofcollaboration:

4 Components of Collaboration I


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Components of Collaboration I

1. Understanding&Respecting: Collaborationassumes an equality for all parties.The goalsand objectives of each person are presented

equally regardless the positions. All of thegoals and objectives need to be ranked andevaluated logically with participation of allthe parties. Each member tries to stayfocused on the organizations goals ratherthan on individual objectives. Tone ofvoice

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p

2. Assertiveness:For a collaboration to succeed,each person must feel safe in expressing hisideas and opinions. Each position needs to bepresented as powerfully possible. People oftenconfuse assertiveness with agression.Agression is assertiveness without regard forthe needs of the other person. Assertiveness

says:H

eres my position..W

hatsyours.?Agression is: Heres my position..Take it orleave it.

4 Components of Collaboration III


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p

3. Creative Problem-Solving: Good creativeproblem-solving skills can help define asolution that results in a win for each person.

It is important to focus on the problem ratherthen specific solutions. Spend timeidentifying as many potential solutions aspossible before proceeding with evaluation.Avoid dwelling on the history of the problemwhich often involves placing blame.

Strategies For Managing Conflict VI


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g g g

4. Confrontation: This is a specific

communication strategy, a way to change

behaviour through constructive feedback

During an emotionally charged conflict

resolution session, it is often necessary to

use confrontation to break through a

communication barrier. To tell the otherone what his behaviour creates as a problem

Details of Confrontation


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Confrontation process allows you to get at theroot causes of the conflict in a productivemanner. You are indirectly trying to say. Lets

exchange ideas-pleasantly and comfortably. Iwill try to hear you will take your opinion intoaccount before I state mine. Than I want youhear my opinions and them into account. Once

we have exchanged our opinions, we willdecide on the best option. This is not a contestfor superiority.

Levels of Confrontation I


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There are levels of confrontation which startswith understanding till behavioural change.

1. Reflection: Demonstrate your sincere desire

to understand the persons feelings andneeds. You gather data and build rapportwith the person. By reflecting the feelingsyou hear the person expressing, you give him

a chance to correct your impression ant towork on your comment. An example:

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I understand that you feel/think___________

because________________.

I understand that you feel unappreciated

because you are not invited to the weekly

staff meetings.

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2. IStatement: With I statements you revealyour feelings, asserting your own needs andobjectives in a nonjudgemental fashion.

You want the other person to understandyour feelings and reasons. A general form:

I feel_______when you______because___

I feel angry when you ignore the safety rulesbecause you and others may get hurt.

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3. Diplomatic Disagreement: In thediplomatic disagreement stage you try toachieve understanding in a gentle, tactful

manner. You want the other person tounderstand your reasoning and you try tounderstand his. You want the person toknow that you value the relationship. Theformat for this stage includes reflection & Istatement.


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4. Gentle Confrontation: In gentle

confrontation you try to cause a change in

behaviour and built the relationship at the

same time. You want to suggest the change

in a tactful manner. The format includes

reflection, an indication that other person is

valued, an I statement and indication odconsequences. Format and the example:

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You feel/think_______.

I appreciate your position and I understandthat_____________.

I feel____________because.

If this continues it will cause__________


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5. Firm Confrontation: In the firm confrontationyou try to clear up disagreements and cause adefinite change in behaviour. The change inbehaviour is your primary objective. The addedstatement is in the format:

I would appreciate it in the future if youwould__________.

In the future I would appreciate it if you wouldcome to me for any special early paymentrequests.

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Confrontation IThere are some guidelines for more productive

confrontation process.

Timin

g:Is the person ready to listen? Aboutcoming late it is the worst time to discuss it

while he was check in. He knows he is late.

Wait for a positive something to say and add

how his lateness affect his overall perceptionof his commitment and performance.

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Confrontation IIFocus onCurrent Specifics: Talk aboutbehaviour that is happening today, notsomething happened last week or last month.

State Your Feelings:When you tell someonehow you feel, you are keeping the conversationopen rather than focusing it only on the otherperson.When you come to work late, I feelreally angry because the rest of us have to waitfor you before we can start on the project.

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It is a powerful conflict resolution strategy

which requires a great deal of skill and

practice. When it applies # of conflicts can

be resolved more productively.

It is also important to remember that people

only change when it is in their best interest

to do so. You can not change anyone butcanmotivate someone to change.

Strategies to AVOID-


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Not to do list IMinimization: Sometimes we do not

recognize the seriousness of an action or

perception, we response with through

humor or sarcasm. When this happens on

the other person feels unvalued or belittled.

Often the person takes your minimization as

a personal attack. When someone brings aproblem to us, first acknowledge it.



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Not to do list-IIExample for minimization:Engineer: Im afraid the O-ring might fail at

low temperatures.

Manager 1: Thats not your problem. Worryabout how were going to meet our nextdeadline.

Manager 2: I appreciate your concern. Whatmakes you think that?


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Not to do list III

Blame: While blame can often be attached tothe last person who touched a situation,most problems are too complex to be totally

caused by one person or one factor. Thefocus should be on preventing futureproblems rather than placing blame.

important notes on listening and other

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