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India20-something Singleton InsightsExecutive Summary


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IntroductionIsha has always gone against the grain. As a young child, when the

schoolkids were walking one way, she would go the other way. And the

strong-willed 20-year-old New Delhi resident has headed in the opposite

direction ever since, taking on cultural injustices that have long been

overlooked, and rejecting what she perceives as antiquated institutions,

such as marriage.

Swapna, on the other hand, expects to be married within the next two

to three years, though she has never had a boyfriend. The 23-year-old

has asked her parents to arrange a marriage. I havent found anyone

myself, explains the soft-spoken Bangalorian.

More than 1,000 kilometers away in Mumbai, Chhaya, a lawyer at

Pfizer, is grappling with the demands of her career and the

expectations of her family. Most of the women lawyers who do well

are single, and they go on being single for eternity, explains the 27-year-old, who shares an apartment with her sister, a friend, and 65

pairs of shoes. Occasionally youll get a call from your parents or

grandparents saying, Have you found someone yet? And thats not

the only problem. Chhaya says she has been treated unfairly in the

workplace because of her gender.

Todays 20-something, middle- to upper-middle-class single woman in

India straddles the line between tradition and modernity. She pairs a

modified kurta with Levis jeans and Adidas shoes. She speaks matter-of-

factly about arranged marriage in one breath and womens fight for seats

in parliament in another. She defines success as much in terms of caring

for her future family as advancing her career.

She is independent, open-minded, and, increasingly, empowered. She

refuses to let societal expectations or injustices stand in her way. And

in a nation with vast political, racial, caste, economic, religious, and

even dietetic divisions, she belongs to a subset within a subset within

a subsetbut a highly aspirational one.

MethodologyThe research into the female singleton in India was conducted over

two and a half weeks in January 2006 by JWT on behalf of Unilever.

A total of 30 women10 per citywere interviewed in New Delhi,

Bangalore, and Mumbai. The sample was made up of middle- to

upper-middle-class 20-something women who were single, educated, and

metropolitan. Twelve experts from the worlds of fashion, entertainment, beauty, media,

research, and academia were also interviewed. In addition, JWTs research team

observed the demographic in the fieldin dance clubs, lounges, pubs, eateries, coffee

shops, markets, malls, bookstores, universities, and workplaces.

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Independence DayHistorically, women in India have followed a trajectory of dependence:

from father to husband to son. It was a hand-off of sorts, with a

father giving his daughter away to his new son-in-law and a son

assuming the role of caretaker as his mother got on in years. This

age-old practice ensured that at no time in an Indian womans life

was she outside a mans charge. Just a generation ago, the words

independent and woman side by side would have been

considered an oxymoron.

Fast-forward to 2006, and the descriptor most associated with the modern 20-somethingwoman is independent. In talking about themselves and their peers, todays young women

use the adjective so much that it is fast becoming trite. They aspire to independence in all

senses of the word, both fiscally and emotionally.

The 20-something woman in India generally is ambitious. She is a very loving and warm

person, and for her, her family matters a lot. At the same time, she doesnt want to get married

and just take care of her kids. She wants to go out, she wants to earn money, and she wants to

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be independent financially, economically and

emotionally, says Ruchika, a 22-year-old MBA

student and dancer from New Delhi.

The way I see the 20-something woman in India

right now is very different from what they were even

five years ago. Theyre very independent, very

outspoken, adds Karen, 25, a human resources

executive from Bangalore.

According to Ikroop, a 23-year-old online content

producer from Mumbai, Shes independent, knows

what she wants, and is not going to be fooled. The last

person who can fool her is a man. She doesnt require a man anymore

like a woman would require a man a decade ago. Shes very well

educated todayeducated not just in the context of books and

academically, but also educated in her rights, in the fact that she

has so many choices to make today, and what those choices are.

Thanks to Indias emphasis on education and its burgeoning job

sector, they can realize this goal. For Indians, education is the

surest way to elevate their lot in lifethe more educated they

are, the better. For that reason, the financially sound pursue

education well into their 20s. Science and math are stressed

as educational tracks; the arts, literature, and extracurricular

activities are not. Parents are encouraging their daughters to enter the

male-dominated fields of engineering and medicine. Women are also seeking career

fulfillment in journalism, fashion, and finance, among other professions.

I feel that women are trying to capture all the opportunities that they have these days, in

whatever fields. All the fields are open for them, says Gurveen, a 23-year-old New Delhi native

and MA candidate in international business.

Women are starting to want to work more. They want to be more independent. You probably

have a lot more women in our age group getting jobs and spending money than you did before,

adds Anees, 25, a freelance editor from New Delhi.

The influx of business process outsourcing centers and multinational

companies has opened up a plethora of opportunities for women, with the

classifieds sections of the newspapers in Bangalore and other offshoring

hubs growing thicker every day. Demand outpaces supply, and these

businesses have become an easy and viable source of income.

Certainly, the BPOs and call centers have been encountering their

share of criticism. In cities like Bangalore, the warp-speed

development they have brought has magnified vast infrastructure

weaknesses, raised traffic woes to maddening levels, increased rents

to exorbitant heights, and spurred some students to abandon their

studies for a fast buck. And the women employed by call centers are

starting to suffer the consequences of the biorhythmic disturbances

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that come from working all night and sleeping all day. Infertility and

suicide rates are going up. And the recent murder of a female call-center

employee by a man posing as the companys driver has brought safety

concerns to the forefront.

Problems aside, multinational companies like American Express, IBM,

and Microsoft have brought to India the belief that employees should be

treated without regard to sex, race, national origin, and religion. It is in

the companies best interests to enforce all-inclusive, pleasant work

environments (and thus avoid a sweatshop reputation), and women are

happy to benefit from this small but significant step forward.

Mythili, a 23-year-old finance systems analyst at Hewlett-

Packard in Bangalore, explains that since her employer is a

multinational, the U.S. work culture has been invited into

our offices here. If I worked in an Indian company, I know

there would be a lot of bias when it came to male workers

as opposed to ladies. At HP, there is absolutely no

distinction, and I must say were treated with the utmostrespect. There is no favoritism involved at my work place.

I honestly think the changing corporate structure in India

has changed everything, because there are so many more

opportunities and the whole Western culture is kind of

seeping through the organizations, says Bhavna, 21, an

associate sales producer at Yahoo! in Mumbai.

No matter what her career path, the modern 20-something woman strives for professional

success. Yet most are not gunning for the C-suite. The dreamers are the

exception; the vast majority are firmly grounded. While multinational

companies have infused the workplace with the concept of equal

opportunity, young women realize that the top rungs of the corporate

ladder are still reserved for the opposite sex. (A reality that is

gradually changing, thanks to the inroads made by glass-ceiling-

breakers like Biocon India chair and managing director Kiran

Mazumdar Shaw and HSBC India deputy CEO Naina Lal Kidwai.)

When you are breaking into more conservative professions, like law,

then gender discrimination is more blatant, relays Chhaya, the 27-

year-old Mumbai-based lawyer. At my previous job, I went for

feedback and they actually told me, You were the better one, but

were giving the guy a higher salary because hes a guy and hes got a

family to look after.

Young women foresee another obstacle to career advancement:

marriage. To them, its inevitableand while it has become more

acceptable for a wife to work after marriage, her job will take a

backseat to her husbands. With tempered ambitions, these young

women protect themselves from sure disappointments down the road.

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Money Makes a Womans World Go RoundTodays 20-something woman may not be motivated by thoughts of the

corner office, but she is driven by the almighty buck. For her, a steady

paycheck represents a ticket to financial independence. She aspires to a

comfortable, colorful life augmented by travel and other luxuries. Maybe

even a two-car household

one of the ultimate signs of prosperity.

I want to earn a lot of money, because money really drives me. I see

myself very rich, with at least two cars parked outside my house, says

Chitralekha, 25, an advertising account manager from New Delhi.

Im a materialistic woman, says Gurveen unabashedly. Definitely, Id

like to get my own house. Id like to get my own car, and Id like to travel

abroad.

As for 25-year-old Kunj, a New Delhi-based financial services manager, she

wants to have lots and lots of money before shes 30. I would want to own

a car. I would love to have a house of my own and, yes, a man who I canshare all of this with and be really happy about it.


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More immediately, middle- to upper-middle-class working

womenespecially those living under their parents roof,

with little to no expenseshave disposable income and are

not afraid to spend it. They are an acquisitive bunch who

love to prowl the malls and markets, hunting or haggling fortheir latest finds: clothing, shoes, books, makeup, or jewelry.

Im a compulsive buyer. I go to the market, and I can't

come out without buying something. I go into a shop, I have

to buy something, confesses Isha, the 20-year-old New Delhi

University student. Shoes are a religion.

Ishas friend Mannrosy, 25, a call-center employee adds: I

indulge myself by buying shoes, by eating good foodby

eating chocolate, sweet things. I have a very sweet tooth.

Basically, I just indulge myself by buying stuff, which I like.

But its not all about materialism. Money is security. It

serves as a safety net should a woman lose a job, fall ill, or

incur unexpected expenses. Eventually, it will allow women

to give back to their parents and contribute to their future

marriage and in-laws.

In terms of money, I definitely want to be financially stable.

Not just to support myself, but to have a certain amount of

savings in the bank for any sort of emergency and, of

course, my parents. At the end of the day, I want to be able

to give a significant amount back to them for their living and

things like that, says 23-year-old Kavitha, a software

engineer from Bangalore.

Tomorrow, if Im not well and if I do not have the money to

treat myselflets say Im suffering from cancer, which is

going to be an expensive diseaseif I have to get myself

treated for it, I need money for that. I need money so that I

can fly back home whenever I feel like, whenever Im

homesick, Chitralekha explains.

To the female singleton, money also equals freedom. It is a

simple equation, but one that was foreign to pastgenerations of Indian women. It used to be that women were

reliant on their fathers, their husbands, then their sons

earnings, rather than their own. Having their own income

frees them from the need to move from one provider to the

next. Rather, they can provide for themselves, affording

them the chance to carve out a self-funded, self-defined, and

self-defining life stage.

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The Me StageWomen describe this emerging life stage as the

period between being a part of their parents

family and establishing their owngenerally, a

post-education, pre-marriage space. And it is

not restricted to those who live on their own,

as it is common for Indian women to stay

with their parents until they get married.

More and more, however, young women are

leaving the nest. Some move to another

city for school, others relocate for work,

and still others rent an apartment locally

with friends.

Unlike their mothers, who got married

in their late teens or early 20s, these

women are delaying wedlock untiltheir mid- to late 20s. After years

and years of education, this group

intends to milk it for all its worth

in the workplace. They seek to

establish themselves in the real

world before settling down.

I hope I dont get married

soon, says Mythili, the finance

systems analyst. I am career-

oriented, so I want to makesure that my career is on track

five years down the line.

Mythili continues, In the urban

areas, things are changing. You see

women looking at higher education and then

looking at getting good jobs. They are ambitious, looking

to live alone. Marriage is not the top priority anymore.

We can marry at our own will when we feel that we are

independent enough, or when we feel that we have enough

money in our bank accounts, says Gurveen, the mastersstudent in international business. The 20-something woman in

India now is bold. Shes ambitious. Shes hard-working. Shes

eager to learn, and she can stand on her own feet.

This is also a time of experimentation, with women smoking,

drinking, dating, and, in some cases, even mating. After a stressful

workday or week, they meet in coffee shops, pubs, or discotheques

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to unwind. Wearing Western clothes accented with Indian

flourishes, they hit posh lounges, sipping Sex and the City-

inspired cosmos and catching up with friends.

Ever since Ive come back from Sydney, Ive gone a bit berserk

in Delhi. Ive been going out a lotevery week, usually on the

weekends and sometimes during the weekdays, too, till late at

night, relays Mansha, 25, a furniture designer who returned to

India in late 2004 after studying at the Hotel School in South

Wales and TAFE New South Wales.

Says 25-year-old Mamta, a Mumbai-based human resources

assistant manager: For me, nightlife is really important.

Because of the kind of work hours you have, its in the

evening that you want to unwind with a drink and music and

friends. I believe, Work hard and party harder.

Todays 20-something women are enjoying this time, as itgives them an opportunity to evaluate who they are and

who they want to be. And most important, to forge an

identity exclusive of a mans.

I want to stay alone to some extent for some time and

kind of explore the options that I have. I might want to go study abroad or branch in a

totally different area. I dont know if I want to stay in media forever, says

Smita, a 24-year-old journalist who works for the Hindustan

Timesin Mumbai. So as far as settling down is concerned, I

havent given it that much thought.

I aspire to a life which is free, no bandages, where I do my workand Im fully satisfied with my career, says Jai, 23, a sales

coordinator from Bangalore. I am a person who loves to explore.

So I would love to travel, meet different people in different

cultures.

I dont have a problem with the institution of marriage, as such.

But the kind of life I envisage for myself for the next five to ten

years does not necessarily involve me settling down in a particular

place for a very long time, unless I choose to, says Deanne, a 25-

year-old student at the National Law School of India University in

Bangalore.

What this means is that singleton-hood isnt merely a transition

period. It is evolving into a full-fledged life stage that precedes

marriage. From market to market, the length of that stage varies

greatly; in the U.S. and U.K., for instance, it can stretch on for a

decade, whereas in India the window is much narrower. The

reason for this is simple: the undeniable force of marriage.

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Marriage MattersWhile a brave minority thumbs their nose at marriage, even going so

far as to claim they never want to wed, the institution is so central to

the fabric of Indian society that its pull is inescapable.

In India, marriage is still considered as one of the basic things in

life, explains Ruchika, the New Delhi-based MBA student and

dancer. Its considered as the most important thing. You have to

get married eventually, they say.

Women feel constant pressure to either expedite the me stage or skip it altogether

and proceed directly to wedlock. Once they put their hard-earned degrees to use in the

workforce, for instance, many see their parents thoughts quickly shift to marriage. To the older

generation, its the next logical step.

Once youve completed your studies and youve worked for a year, then suddenly its all about

marriage and settling down. That is a problem because my parents are really pressurizing me

into that now. Like, Can we start looking around for someone? Even if your parents dont think

its that important, its all the other relatives who keep coming home and saying, Shes old

enough to get married, so you should start looking around seriously, says Kavitha who

recently moved out of her parents house and into a friends place in Bangalore.

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Adds Mannrosy, who lives with her mother in New Delhi:

Even in a metropolitan city like Delhi, theres a lot of

pressure from the parents side for a girl to get married. If

she crosses the age of 26, the pressure increases. If shes

30, then theyve lost all hope that shell ever get married. I

knew a lot of girls in my college who came from very rich

families, but they had a lot of pressure for them to getmarried by the time they were 21, even though they were

bright and wanted to work.

And while more daughters are getting adept at holding their

trigger-happy parents at bay, they cant escape the eye-

roll-inducing marriage questions: When are you?Why

arent you?Whats wrong with you? As their early

20s fade into the mid and late 20s, these women find that

social interference runs rampant, with grandparents,

aunties, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, and

acquaintances pushing, prodding, and match-making. A

single woman approaching her 30s is often looked at as

unlucky,unhappy,flawed, or defective.

Lipi, a 28-year-old social work student in Mumbai, says,

I'm always asked why I'm single and when Im going to

get married, and if Im going to get married at all or if I

have someone in my life. Don't you think it's too late?

When do you think you're going to settle down, start a

family?Isn't your biological clock ticking? A whole lot

of questions like that. Some I choose to respond to,

some I don't. I usually tell them it's my life and that I'm happy. These questions are

never directed from family or friends, they are just people that I meet every now and then. So I

tell them that my clock has stopped; I can start it againI just have to put in the batteries.

People seem to think that if youre single, its not out of choice or something, says Anees,

the freelance editor from New Delhi.

Its perceived that you have a huge defect if you don t get married, agrees Chitralekha,

another Delhiite. There is something totally wrong with you and missing in you because of

which you couldnt get married. And your parents are going to be so unhappy.

As a result, most young women feel they have no choice. Marriage awaits. But these days, they

can drag their feet a bit. Having grown up the product of an arranged marriage, a woman often

would prefer a love match, where she, not her parents, selects a lifelong mate.

For me, I would only marry someone I love, Mannrosy explains. What I feel is, if a girl likes

someone and she wants to marry him, then an arranged marriage shouldnt be forced on her

just because thats the norm.

Ive actually made it clear to my parents that I don t want them looking out for a groom for

me, says Seema, 23, a Web site content coordinator from Bangalore. If hes going say, You



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sit at home, and I want you to cook, Im not going to listen to him. So I think it s important for

you to choose a partner who you can connect with, who can understand you, and who respects

your ideas. Otherwise, youd kind of go mad.

Still, these women do not romanticize marriage the way Western society does. They understand

that, first and foremost, a marriage is a partnership. Forever pragmatic, they see that arranged

unions are just as likely to survive as love marriages. And there are going to be problems along

the way no matter what.

When I was younger I thought the idea of an arranged marriage was crazy. How could I just

marry someone my parents found for me? But how it works is that I think our expectations are a

lot lower when its an arranged marriage, because you just work with the basics, explains

Supreeta, 27, a Bangalore-based freelance television producer. Two families come together

because of similar backgrounds. When it comes to living with someone, that is a huge plus

point, because they eat the same kind of food, they probably live the same. If both families are

middle class, the aspiration value is the same and your values of raising your kids are the same.

Keeping this in mind, even some of the most progressive-thinking women are open to the idea

of an arranged marriage. Many say that if they have not found Mr. Right on their own by thetime they are ready to settle down, they will turn to their parents for help. They trust that their

mother and father will identify a man worthy of them. In a joke laced

with truth, these women say their parents couldnt do any worse

for them than they have for themselves. They are exhausted: They

have had their fill of the dating scene and experimentation with the

opposite sex. They are ready.

Ive had my share of relationships; I know what Im doing. If my

current relationship doesnt work out, maybe Ill ask for an arranged

marriage, reveals Ikroop, who has been dating a man eight years

her senior for six months. I trust my parents abilities to find

someone good for me, because Ive been very bad at choosing men.

And my parents would never say, Two meetings and then youll

decide whether youll get married to him.

Women tend to do their experimentation with men and then

go home to mom and dad and ask them to find a guy for an

arranged marriage, says Smita, the Mumbai-based journalist.

I would basically say that its a safety net. Its sort of an

escape hatch. When push comes to shove, I always have this

as an option.

This is not an arranged marriage in the historical sense, withthe bride and groom meeting for the first time three days

prior to the wedding or even on the wedding day. Rather,

these young women see it as their parents arranging a first

date based on a young mans CV and the womens own

criteria for a husband. While an expectation of marriage is

tied to these dates and correspondences, there is always

the option to reject the match if it does not click.



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Balancing ActArranged marriage is one thing, subservience is quite another.

Modern 20-something women intend to conduct their marriage on

their own terms. Among them, little tolerance exists for the old-

school mentality, which dictates that a wife drop what shes doingto tend to her husbands needs whenever he says the word.

Still, they are painfully aware of the challenges and sacrifices

that lie ahead. One question that repeatedly arises for the

single career-minded woman: How will I handle the inevitable

(marriage and children) if I choose to continue on in my

profession?

After you get married, you have someone in your life or you

have a family, and you need to give them some amount of your

time and attention, and I would expect the same back, says

Meghna, a 22-year-old film student at the Film Institute of India

in Mumbai.

Explains Kavitha, the Bangalore-based software engineer:

Eventually, at some point of time in everyones life, someone

ends up feeling left behind. And its either work or home. So

success would definitely be that point of time when Ive found

that perfect balance between the two.

A true equilibrium between family and career would require

a husband to share in household dutiesan idea that

traditional Indian culture does not champion. Men who docontribute are an anomaly. Women understand that once

they wed, theyll be expected to bear the brunt of family

and household needs. And while most aspire to achieve a

balanced life, they are prepared to tackle huge

responsibilities with minimal help.

I just hope that I might get

married to a husband who would

understand my working hours and

would share my workload at home. Thats

something which is not acceptable in India, but thats a hope, says

Jai, who works in sales at Hewlett-Packard in Bangalore. I think a

balanced life is extremely important, because when you dont pay

attention to one part of your life and pay attention to the other, you re

never happy.

Chitralekha, the advertising account manager from New Delhi,

repeats that theme: For me, success would mean when I would be

able to balance my professional and personal life.



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Reverence for Rabble RousersFor this reason, 20-somethings admire women who have achieved that

balance. While all respect and love their mothers unconditionally, some

who have been raised in households where male domination and female

submissiveness rule feel their mothers cannot relate to their lives. Its

the pioneering mothers who have managed to juggle a career and

family with aplomb whom daughters tap for advice.

The first person I admire is my mother,

because I've seen her striking a balance

between her work and her family, and she has done that to her utmost

capacities, says Kavisha, 21, a social work student who lives in

Mumbai.

The same is true of Delhiite Ruchika: For me, my mentor has been my

mom. She has been a career woman herself. Shes been working for

around 26 years, and shes been taking care of us as well. Shes been

performing all her duties at home religiously. Shes not ever made us

feel that shes not there when we needed her. And at the same time,

she was there at her career as well.



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Young women also look up to rule breakers: women like Sushmita

Sen, a former Miss Universe-turned-Bollywood actress who

adopted a baby out of wedlocksomething that is frowned upon

by Indian society. Or Barkha Dutt, a bulldog broadcast journalist

for NDTV who has covered everything from politics to India-

Pakistan negotiations. Or Sonia Mizra, the short-skirt-wearing,

midriff-baring tennis sensation who recently came under attack for

endorsing safe premarital sex. Or family members or friends who

have strayed from societal expectations. And while 20-something

singletons largely adhere to cultural mores, they are inspired by

women courageous enough to break with convention.

One of the people who I admire the most is one of my great-

aunts. During the Second World War, she met this man whos

from Pakistan. And for India, marrying somebody from Pakistan

today is like, Oh, my God. This is a rival country. They are your

enemies, says Supriya, a 24-year-old broadcast journalist in

Bangalore. Her father literally performed the last rites for her

when she left the house. It was that strict. He said, This

daughter is no longer in our family. She is dead for us forever.

And she moved to Pakistan, and she made a name for herself.

Shes one of the first people in Pakistan to get a Ph.D. in

chemistry. She was 72 when I met her for the first time. And I

was just so amazed that this woman, in 1942, when she was

20-something, had the courage to stick by her love, and he

stuck by her too.

Mythili, a Bangalorian who hopes to travel the world, also

admires one of her aunts. In the 1980s, when things were alot more difficult for women to do, my aunt actually got out of

the country to study, she says. And now shes running her

own business, and shes doing extremely well at it.

As for role models in the media, HR exec Karen says, The single

women look up to Sushmita Sen for who she is. The youth feel

like shes completely different from the rest. She adopted a child

being a single woman. She fought for it.

Sushmita Sen is among the few pop-culture figures who speak to

this generation. For the most part, modern young women are

dumbfounded by the representations promulgated by the media,

saying they reinforce such stereotypes as the subservient wife and the

conniving daughter-in-law. While some admit to indulging in the guilty

pleasures of Page 3 and TV serials, others say they take an arm s-

length interest in celebrity, if any at all. Bollywood worship is fed by

those younger and less wealthy, they theorize, and soap operas by

the lower class.



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Us Versus ThemAs with media habits, 20-something middle- to upper-middle

class women are constantly dividing the world into two camps:

us and them. The well-off versus the poor. Old school versus new

school. City dwellers versus rural residents. Educated versus

uneducated. North versus South. East versus West.

In a subcontinent defined by racial, caste, religious, economic,

and political divisions, they are careful not to make any kind

of generalizations. They are hyper-aware of their privileged

place in society and understand that liberal, worldly thinking

is far from the norm.

You really have to break it up (when youre describing a

20-something woman) into women coming from the urban

areas and the women coming from the rural areas because

I dont think much has changed in the rural areas,explains Mythili. Women still dont work. They are

expected just to get married and the whole nine yards

after that.

Twenty-something women in

India are of two different

kinds, says Meghna, the

Mumbai-based film student. They are women who are in the cities

and women who are from smaller states who are not independent

and by the time they are 20 to 21, they are married off and they

have children. They dont work or anything. But, from the big cities,

the 20-something women are totally independent.

Being an urban 20-something Indian woman, I have the choice. But

I dont know whether everybody in the same kind of line as

me or having been brought up in the same circumstances

as me would have that choice, says Supreeta, the

freelance television producer from Bangalore. The thing

about India is that it just holds so many different kinds of

people within it. There are differences in terms of

education, even economically; there are so many

religions; each state has its own language.

They may have gay friends, for instance, but they are

conscious of the countrys blatant homophobia. They

may be accepting of live-in relationships, but they realize

a stigma is attached to such arrangements. They may

engage in premarital sex, but rarely do they talk about

it, since its still very much a societal no-no. More often

than not, closed-mindedness trumps open-mindedness.



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The Dawning Age of EmpowermentThe close-minded myopic view is still largely evident in

mens attitudes and actions toward women. No

matter how progressive or well-traveled or

educated todays 20-something female singletons

are, they are not immune to the injustices or

atrocities inflicted upon their gender in India.

While the treatment of women is better in some

cities than in others, they are constantly

reminded that they are considered the

inferior sex. They encounter inequalities at

work. They are verbally and physically

harassed on city buses and streets. And they

are a target for rape, especially in the more

sexually repressed pockets.

Every day in the newspaper you read ofwomen getting raped, every single day,

whether they are raped by a member of their

families, their neighbors, [or] just random

strangers, says Mansha, the New Delhi-

based furniture designer.

If you travel and its a crowded bus, you

know that youre going to be felt up, says

Bangalorian Jai.

Just as a woman, take an inner-city bus

for 20 minutes and youll know what it isto be a woman, says Sanjay Kumar, an

English literature professor at the

University of Delhi. Thats where the

real danger lies. It lies in the eye. It lies

in the touch. It doesnt lie in rape. I

think weve become a society which is

extremely rape-friendly. Were raping

women all the time. Were doing it

with the eye; were doing it on a bus;

were doing it in our discourse.

And though women have gained more

rights and freedoms in India during

the past decade, many think that to

achieve any real progress, one

major thing has to change: male

attitudes. To be truly effective,

womens rights movements must



19/23

target men and women alike. The seeds need to be planted early

and often at home and at school, with parents teaching their

daughters and sons to respect females by word and example,

and teachers reinforcing that message.

There is still a strongI wouldn't say oppositionbut there's aresistance to understanding that, yes, women in India have

worth beyond the kitchen, beyond the bed, and beyond just a

child-rearing factory. Even educated women, we have to day in

and day out prove ourselves, says Lipi, the social work student

from Mumbai. In our country were talking a lot about womens

rights, and the changing attitude normally comes from the woman

perceiving her own self differently, but also men perceiving

women differently and their own selves differently.

Adds Supriya, the broadcast journalist from Bangalore: For a woman

to be on top of things, which is where we should be, the attitudes of

men towards women need to change drastically. To a large extent

men have accepted us in terms of the social realmthey can see

women drinking, they can see women smokingbut when it comes

to the traditional role we play, they still expect you to be

subservient to them. It has to be the men who have to change, who

have to realize that in order for the world to be a better place, they

need to change their attitude towards women. We need to be on a

much more equal footing.

It is only then that eve-teasing will become pass and intolerable

for both genders. Women will be able to take public transportation

without fear of being groped, and walk down the street without

hearing a symphony of catcalls and sexually charged comments. Men

will find anything less than that unacceptable. Though 20-something women see a long road

ahead before society reaches this point, they believe it is possible to get there with baby steps.

For an extremely long time, weve been told that we are not as

good as men. So were the first generation thats kind of trying

to break that, says Hindustan Timesjournalist Smita.

Adds freelance editor Anees emphatically: A womans place in the

21st century is the same as a mans place in the 21st century.

I think Indian women today are at the most powerful and most

focused position that theyve ever been in, says Bangalore-

based fashion impresario Prasad Bidapa. I think that Indian

women are being accepted on their own rights. Theyre not

perceived as someones daughter, or someones sister, or

someones wife or girlfriend anymore. They have taken control

of their sexual lives, of their social lives, of their careers. They

seem to be doing damn well with it.



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C I T Y D I F F E R E N C E S

DelhiNew Delhi is a city in motion. The capital of India, it is a large, sprawling metropolis with wide

roads and good infrastructure; residents are especially proud of their new Metro system. But

despite its modern amenities, Delhi is exceptionally conservative and male-centric

uncharacteristic of most university cities. Women feel oppressed by eve-teasing and other

forms of sexual harassment in what is known as the rape capital of India. As a result, their

personal freedoms are restricted. Driving alone at night is a liability; riding public transportation

invites harassment. Taking an evening stroll is unthinkable, while going clubbing and pubbing

requires a male along for protection. For a large urban center it is still marked by provincial

mind-sets. People are obsessed with each other's business and with keeping up appearances,showing off their material goods in a place where flash is everything.

I think one of the biggest problems I face in Delhi is the lack of safety for women, because Im single

and I live alone. Its especially difficult wanting to go out at night and not feeling safe driving homealone. You dont feel comfortable as a woman here. You dont feel comfortable dressing in certaintypes of clothes. Anees, 25, freelance editor

One of the biggest problems that I face is walking down the street, having to frown at 100 men

because they just can't stop ogling you. The safety issue affects us big time, because we have tothink twice about going out after a certain time. If you dont have your own car, public transport is

not accessible, so we have to call a guy to pick us up and drop us back.

Isha, 20, student/call center employee

Delhi has its own charm of living. That charm would be the warmth when you enter a shoptheshopkeeper would offer you water, tea. That would not be the case in cities like Bangalore and

Mumbai. Delhi has had this charm since the past 50 years, since it has been the capital of India. Gurveen, 23, MA candidate in international business

Delhi, for a single woman, is very diverse. There are so many experiences here. Its a huge city, you

see. Being single here helps you grow tremendously. There are so many experiences here, and theresjust so much to learn. Mannrosy, 25, call center employee



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BangaloreAs the IT capital of India and home to hundreds of multinational companies, Bangalore is booming

with job opportunities for 20-something single women. The classifieds section of the newspaper

grows thicker every day, thanks to the demand for talent at tech companies, BPOs, and call

centers. As a result, Indias third-largest city attracts transplants from all over the country looking

for jobs, as well as freedom from the conservative ways that pervade smaller towns and rural

areas. The multinationals have brought with them equal opportunity and progressive thinking,

which young Bangalorians and transients alike are ready to embrace. For instance, live-in

relationshipsnormally a no-no in Indian societyare becoming prevalent as people focus more

on their own lives and less on what others are doing. On the downside, Bangalore s warp-speed

development has revealed vast infrastructure weaknesses and led to a dramatic rise in rents.

Despite these troubles, residents remain laid-back. They frequent pubs and lounges, where they

like to unwind after a long day or week. They work hard, and they play hard.

Bangalore is a very young city. It used to be a paradise for people who had retired from life, but now

it seems to be a very young, cosmopolitan city. Everywhere you turn around, you see people in their

20s making it big. Its the IT capital of India, definitely. Supreeta, 27, freelance television producer

Because there are so many more people moving in, and people are getting paid a lot of money, so youhave two people applying for an apartment. If one person says, Im going to pay 2,000 rupees more,

obviously theyll rent it at that higher rate. And again, there are infrastructure problems: bad roads, alot of trafficmismanaged traffic, actually. We have too many cars and too many people insisting that

they take their own cars to work. Theres no carpool culture over here, which is a bad thing. Kavitha, 23, software engineer

If you look at our roads in Bangalore, there are no roads. Its more of a ditch, and then youre luckyto get two seconds of road. So because of that, people have to travel long distances on no roads. At

the same time, rent is very high. Very, very high in Bangalore. There are certain areas where you reallycant afford it. If youre living close to an IT company or an IT park, its very expensive.

Karen, 25, human resources executive

Being single in Bangalore is a lot easier. You have people coming in from all parts of the country into

the city, so people are a lot more open and tolerant towards what everyone else is thinking. Its a loteasier to be single in terms of, nobody looks down upon the fact that youre single at a particular age.

Mythili, 23, finance systems analyst

Bangalore is the coolest. This is the most relaxed city. Bangalorians are very sweet people, veryrelaxed. Its a very chilled-out place. Seema, 23, Web site content coordinator


22/23

MumbaiMumbai is considered one of the worlds megacities, with a population nearing 20 million

people. Its no surprise that its fast-paced, cosmopolitan lifestyle is often compared to NewYork City's. Home to Bollywood, it is Indias hub of creative energy and, as a result, is more

progressive and liberal-minded than most of the country. Residents of Mumbai feel less

pressure to conform and more freedom to live their lives without judgment. In addition, women

feel considerably safer here. They can walk alone at night and are subjected to eve-teasing

less frequently. Career-wise, Mumbai is filled with opportunities in many fields, and Indian

women have been quick to seize them. Educated and career-driven, this generation of women is

the first that is deliberately delaying marriage (if only for a few years) to claim financial

independence. These 20-somethings are enjoying the chance to carve their own path in life.

The people of Mumbai are very warm, they're very open, but they don't cross that line of familiarity

Bombays people are too wrapped up in their own work and their own lives to really bother. Meghna, 22, film student

In Bombay you can rebel and not be typecast. Lipi, 28, social work student

In Bombay, people arent too worried about what the other guys doing.

Mamta, 25, human resources assistant manager

Its more of a fast life in Bombay, so you dont really have the time to ask, Okay, what is that girldoing? Where is she going? Sony, 24, online sales executive



23/23

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