President’s Message ....................... 1

TAM Annual Conference ............... 2

TAM 2014 TAM Annual Conference

Late Registration Form ................... 3

TAM 2014 Annual Conference

Sponsors ......................................... 4

2014 TAM’s Annual Conference

Speakers .......................................... 6

Courtside with Mike Amis

Vigilance Still Required:

All Eyes Are On Texas ................... 7

Nominees for TAM’s Board of

Directors for 2014 ........................... 8

Returning Members to TAM’s Board

Of Directors for 2014...................... 9

International Peacemakers

A Path to Peace in Argentina:

Equipo IMCA Blazes a Trail ........ 10

Change My Mind —If You Can! .. 12

Entering the Twittersphere............ 14

The Mediator’s Toolbox

Listen With Your Heart ................ 15

Spotlight on TAM Member

Dr. Ralph Steele ............................ 16

TAM Welcomes New Members ... 16

Dealing with Difficult

Personalities .................................. 17

TMCA Update .............................. 18

Calendar of Events ........................ 18

© 2014 The Texas Association of Mediators,

1Inc. All rights reserved. The Texas Mediator

provides a forum for sharing many view-

points. The views expressed are those of

the individual authors and, unless other-

wise stated, do not necessarily reflect the

views of the Association.

PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE

From Melynda Gulley

VOLUME 26, NUMBER 3, WINTER 2014

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Happy New Year!

As most of us contemplate our New Year’s

resolutions for 2014, I hope you will consider

making at least one of them reflect the commit-

ment you will have to your Profession, Media-

tion. Here are a few suggestions….

1. I will study the Ethical Guidelines for

Mediators found on the TAM website each

night before I go to bed.

2. I will warn my family and friends of the

dangers of the adversarial system of

resolving disputes by displaying on the

walls of my office and home, posters of

really scary trial attorneys.

3. I will ponder daily how best to share my

passion and knowledge of mediation with

the world.

4. I will make sure my mediation clients

know that the difference between litigation

and mediation is lots of zeroes, lots of

hours and the elimination of any relation-

ship with whom you may go to court.

5. I will continue to feed my passion for

mediation by blogging about it wherever

and whenever possible.

6. I will work to break through my client’s

disabling façade of fabricated thinking by

speaking the truth. (a novel idea)

7. I will bring up the topic of mediation in

every conversation and pursue it until I

have converted all my associates to a life of

mediating.

8. I will overcome those nattering nabobs of

negativism often called clients by

__________. (you fill in the blank.)

9. I will continue to work on my neutrality

until I have no opinion on anything (is this

really possible?) or I will be impartial and

maintain my personal positions without

allowing them to interfere in my work.

10. I won’t take any mediation where I know

of a conflict unless, of course, I am sure I

can be fair???? (seriously?!)

I hope you see

the satire in

these sugges-

tions; the idea

is to take these

silly ideas for

resolutions and

turn them into

something that will keep you alert, engaged and

passionate for the Profession of Mediation.

This is my last letter as president to the TAM

membership. As a reminder to you all, my

theme for the year has been, “Mediation the

Profession,” indicating that our work has come

into its own. As any new entity, we are having

growing pains -- Rule # 169, for instance.

TAMC, Texas Attorney Mediators Coalition, a

sister organization with similar goals to TAM,

has hired a lobbyist to promote our position to

those who need to understand and know what

we do and what is required to do it effectively

and efficiently. This effort will keep mediation

from being marginalized, moving us to the next

level and ensuring we are heard and that our

profession survives.

It has been a busy year, but we have stayed

engaged in promoting our goal throughout the

year. The goal I set for this year was to contin-

ue, in a significant way, educating the public

about mediation, ensuring that mediation would

be the first option considered when needing to

resolve a dispute of any kind. We did just that

in our video series, Got a Dispute, You need to

Mediate That. This series can be used for years

to come. I hope to promote it to associations

such as Human Resources to assist in educating

their memberships on the benefits and varieties

of mediation. You can find the link on our

website www.txmediator.org .

February 21st and 22nd of 2014 brings the

annual Texas Association of Mediator Confer-

ence to Austin, co-chaired by Toylaine Spencer

continued on page 13

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR www.txmediator.org

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 2 www.txmediator.org

February 21 and 22, 2014

Austin, Texas

Hyatt Regency Hotel Lady Bird Lake

12.5 hours of Continuing Education with 3.75 Ethics

(MCLE approval pending)

Registration Rates

$255.00 for 2014 TAM Members, Candidates and Friends of TAM $330.00 for Non-Members

$150.00 for Full Time Students

GO TO THE TAM WEBSITE FOR SCHEDULE, CONFERENCE SPEAKER BIOS, SESSION INFORMATION AND TO REGISTER

Register online now http://www.txmediator.org/conference/

Please contact Toylaine Spencer, toylaine@gmail.com, or Erich Birch, ebirch@birchbecker.com if you need more information or have questions.

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 3 www.txmediator.org

LATE REGISTRATION FORM For efficiency and all credit card payments, please register online at www.txmediator.org

Name: _____________________________________________________________________

Organization: ________________________________________________________________

Address: ___________________________________________________________________

City: _________________________________State: ____Zip Code: ____________________

Email address: ______________________________________________________________

Phone: __________________________________ Fax: ______________________________

Registration includes entry into all sessions, conference materials, lunch Friday, our Friday evening re-

ception and Continental breakfast and lunch Saturday.

2014 MEMBERS, CANDIDATES OR FRIENDS REGISTRATION RATES

___ Late Registration $255.00 Include 2014 dues with your registration

___ 2014 Membership Dues – Full Member $75.00

___ 2014 Membership Dues – Candidate for Membership $50.00

___ 2014 Membership Dues – Friend of TAM $50.00 NON-MEMBER REGISTRATION RATES

___ Late Registration $330.00

___ Full Time Student Registration (Proof of full-time student status required) $150.00

___ Conference Speakers $199.00

Please make checks payable to TEXAS ASSOCIATION OF MEDIATORS (TAM)

and return completed form with payment to: TAM Conference Registration

PO Box 2537 Galveston, Texas 77553-2537

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 5 www.txmediator.org

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 6 www.txmediator.org

Erich Birch Attorney-Mediator

Birch, Becker, & Moorman, LLP

Austin

Paul Blanke Mediator/Arbitrator

Austin

Ben Cunningham Attorney-Mediator

Galton, Cunningham & Bourgeois,

P.L.L.C. and The Lakeside Mediation

Center

Austin

Kris Donley Executive Director

Dispute Resolution Center

Austin

Jonathan Elston, MSc., Q.Med. Mediate to Go® (mediate2go.com)

Montreal, Quebec

Lic. Roberto Montoya González State Director, Center for Alternative

Mechanisms for the Solution of Conflicts

of the Judicial Branch of the State of

Tamaulipas (Mexico)

Melanie E. Grimes TMCA Credentialed Distinguished Me-

diator

Dallas

Diane Harvey, LCSW Clinical Social Worker / Mediator

Austin

Brad Heckman Chief Executive Officer

New York Peace Institute

New York City

John Kenyon TMCA Advanced Credentialed Mediator

Houston

Erin Lawler Attorney-Mediator and Public Policy

Specialist

Texas Council for Developmental Disa-

bilities

Austin

Kevin Leahy Attorney at Law

Knowledge Advocate, LLC

Austin

Jim Melamed Co-Founder and Chief Executive Officer

Mediate.com

Eugene, OR

Lic. Armando Villanueva Mendo-

za President of the Supreme Court of Jus-

tice of the State of Tamaulipas, Mexico

Mary Ann Redeker-Perez Alternative Dispute Resolution Coordi-

nator

Better Business Bureau

Austin

Joe Perez Regional Risk Solutions Manager

H-E-B Grocery Company, LP

Edinburg

Colin Rule Founder and Chief Operating Officer

Modria.com

San Jose, CA

Larry Schooler Community Engagement Consultant

City of Austin

Austin

Susan B. Schultz Program Director

Center for Public Policy Dispute Resolu-

tion at The University of Texas School of

Law

Austin

Karl Slaikeu, Ph. D. Chorda Conflict Management Services

Austin

Hon. John J. Specia, Jr. Commissioner

Texas Department of Family and Protec-

tive Services

San Antonio

Mary Thompson Corder/Thompson & Associates

Austin

Michael Thompson, Jr. Shareholder

Wright & Greenhill, P.C.

Austin

Lue Wagner Attorney-Mediator

Hunter Wagner PLLC

Austin

Marsha Woodard Environmental Litigation Case Manager

Union Pacific Railroad

Houston

Walter A. Wright, Associate Professor

Legal Studies Program of the Depart-

ment of Political Science at Texas State

University

San Marcos

2014 TAM’S

Annual Conference Speakers

What do Walmart and the corner grocery have

in common? They are both members of the

Texas Retailers Association (TRA). Why?

Because both are affected by our state govern-

ment, and they know they need a representative,

TRA, to be in Austin to speak up when

needed. So, too, mediators learned in 2013 that

they were the only voices who can speak up for

Texas mediation. Like the Texas Retailers

Association is for its members, Texas Attorney-

Mediators Coalition (TAMC) is the only

organized voice for the clients, attorneys, and

judges who have benefited so much from court-

annexed mediation over the years.

TAMC must remain vigilant – this is a time of

great scrutiny over all aspects of the civil justice

system. There is increasing concern over the

loss of the civil jury trial and the growth of a

true alternative system of justice, binding

arbitration. TAMC’s purpose is to enhance and

strengthen the existing civil trial system through

the use of court-annexed mediation.

Chapter 154 forms our founda-

tion. Although we may move beyond it, it is

always the foundation on which all else rests. Oh, I know, you say, “Mike, with the 2013

Texas Legislature in recess, enjoying 2014 as

an off-year, what’s the big deal, take a cool pill

and relax.” Tom Forbes, our counsel, wisely

cautions us that nowadays the legislature is

never really out of session. Indeed both the

House and the Senate, through their leadership,

have issued “interim charges,” which call upon

various committees to study certain issues to

determine what legislation, if any, should be

advisable, for the 2015 session. To date, no

interim charges have been announced which

appear directly, or indirectly, to bring into

question the status quo of the civil justice

system or court-annexed mediation. Whew –

so far! But, things can change and change

quickly, and we must be ever alert, building

strong fences, and being ready to respond to

any threat, however well-meaning it may be.

We know that Rule 169, which governs

expedited trials and court-ordered mediation

under the rule, calls for plaintiffs to state in their

pleadings categories of damages over and

above $100,000. In November, 2012, then-

Justice, now Chief Justice, Nathan Hecht of the

Texas Supreme Court observed it was his hope

that the expedited trial process – not limited to

jury trials – would “help us get our business

back from arbitration and make it possible for

young lawyers to get more courtroom experi-

ence.” He went on to say, “I hope it will be an

enormous boost for the civil trial sys-

tem” (“Texas Lawyer” article, November 16,

2012). An October, 2013 program featured a

premier civil trial advocate, Steve Sussman of

Houston, who remarked, “Arbitration is

winning the dispute resolution competition

against jury trials.” The response? Quicker,

cheaper trials; cut down on costs. We must

realize this is a national concern, and policy-

makers in many states are developing and

implementing expedited trial pro-

grams. Prominently, New York, New Jersey,

South Carolina, Colorado, Arizona, Nevada,

Utah, and California all have expedited trial

programs. But there is a big difference making

Texas unique. The eyes of the nation are truly

Texas: it is the only state making the expedited

trial process mandatory.

With the on-going effort to lower the cost of

trials in order to compete with arbitration, it will

be tempting for courts, if not legislatures, to cut

out “mandatory ADR.” Again, this is a national

conversation. But, wait, what is “mandatory

ADR?” In another state “mandatory ADR” may

be, usually is, something entirely different from

Texas court-annexed mediation. Often, as in

Washington and Oregon, “mandatory ADR” is

a statutorily-required procedure of non-binding

arbitration which calls for the parties either to

accept the arbitrator’s award as the court’s

judgment without any right of appeal or to

reject the award and press on toward trial and,

potentially, appeal. Or, “mandatory ADR,”

used by a policy-maker, may just as often refer

to binding, contractual arbitration. Texas court-

annexed mediation is always discretionary with

a trial court. And, it may be initiated by a party

as well as a referring court.

As I hope you can see, there is a conversation

going on, a national conversation with emphasis

on the Texas experience, and we mediators

need to be, must be, there to explain, clarify,

advocate what has been so good for so many

over the past 27 years. TAMC can be strong or

weak depending on whether Texas mediators,

both great and small, like Walmart and the

corner grocer, who both come together for their

common good, will support this statute

benefiting all Texans. Have you joined

TAMC? If not, please help out. Go to

www.texasamc.org, and join. You’ll be glad

you did.

Mike Amis is a Co-

Chair of the Texas

Attorney-Mediators

Coalition (TAMC).

He is board certified

in civil trial law and

was trained in

mediation by the

Dallas Bar's

program headed by

Steve Brutsche´ in

1989. Mike has been

a full time mediator since 1990 and has

mediated over 1,500 cases. Mike was a

founding director of the Association of Attorney

-Mediators, serving as President of AAM in

1991 and chair of its Seed Group Program. He

is a frequent speaker on mediation topics to

local and state bar associations. Mike is also

the most recent recipient of TAM’s Susanne

Adams Award for his work in defending and

promoting mediation in Texas. For more

information on TAMC, please contact Mike at

amismediat@aol.com.

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 7 www.txmediator.org

Courtside With Mike Amis

Vigilance Still Required: All Eyes are on Texas

By Mike Amis

TAM’s Nominating Committee has submitted the names of the mediators listed below as nominees for President-Elect, Secretary, Treasurer, and three

Director-at-Large positions for the TAM Board of Directors’ 2014 Annual Election. Those elected will take office at the Annual Meeting on February

21st in Austin, Texas. TAM thanks the nominees for their willingness to serve.

Voting will be conducted online until February 20, 2014. To access the ballot and vote online, go to the Members Only section of the TAM website

www.txmediator.org and log in. Scroll down the page to find the link to the 2014 Board of Directors Election.

Pattie Porter, San Antonio -- Nominee for President-Elect

Pattie Porter, MSW, AAP is a TMCA Credentialed Distinguished Mediator and has served as the Social Media Chair on the TAM

Board for the past two years. She has been a member of TAM since 2007 and is a co-chair of the 2015 TAM Conference. Pattie is

Founder and President of her own conflict management practice serving businesses and government agencies throughout the U.S.

For close to 20 years, she has provided workplace mediation, conflict coaching and team facilitation services. She is an adjunct

faculty member at Southern Methodist University’s Graduate Dispute Resolution Program and Advisory Board member for the

Association for Conflict Resolution’s Workplace Section. She is a featured host of the 5 year running radio program, The Texas

Conflict Coach® (www.texasconflictcoach.com).

David Ladensohn, San Antonio – Nominee for Secretary

David Ladensohn has been a member of TAM for seven years and joined the board in 2013. David specializes in mediating fami-

ly business and inter-generational wealth conflicts and serves on the boards of two fourth generation family businesses. He retired

as CEO of a third-generation manufacturing company in San Antonio after 21 years, before which he worked for Bank of America

for 12 years, including as VP-Manager of their Hong Kong Corporate Banking Office. David volunteers at the Bexar County

DRC and several other non-profits; he holds a B.S. in Finance from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania, an MBA in

International Business from Pepperdine University, and completed the mediation program of PON at Harvard Law School and the

Owner/President Manager program at Harvard Business School.

Meg Walker, Galveston – Nominee for Treasurer

Our hard-working TAM Treasurer since 2005, Meg Walker has been a mediator in private practice since 1994. Elected to the

TAM board in 2002, Meg served as Co-Chair of the 2004 Conference and also served as TAM Secretary in 2004. Meg is a grad-

uate of the University of Houston Law Center and Tulane University. In addition to TAM, Meg has served many non-profit

organizations as advisor, leader and/or member of the staff, including the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR), the Texas

Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and Texas Accountants and Lawyers for the Arts (TALA).

Currently, she is also the Treasurer of the Galveston County Bar Foundation and a Member of the Board of Trustees of Trinity

Episcopal School. She resides in Galveston with her son and husband.

Karey R. Barnes, McAllen -- Nominee for Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2015

Karey Barnes is the Director of Judicial Affiars and Conflict Resolution Services/Title IX Coordinator at South Texas College in

McAllen. Karey also facilitates the South Texas College Behavioral Intervention and Risk Assessment Team. He is an adjunct

faculty member in the Criminal Justice Department for the University of Phoenix. Prior to joining South Texas College Karey

served as the Intensive Supervision Officer for the Kleberg County Juvenile Probation Department. He is a Certified Trainer of

Workplace Conflict Resolution and is a Credentialed Mediator with TMCA. Karey holds a Bachelor’s degree from Texas A&M

University Kingsville and a Master’s degree in Public Safety from Capella University. He is pursuing a Doctorate in Public Safe-

ty from Capella University. He has been a member of TAM since 2011. Karey is being nominated to fill the vacancy in a three-

year term that was created when David Ladensohn was nominated to be TAM Secretary.

Jennifer Ortiz Prather, Houston -- Nominee for Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2017

Jennifer Ortiz Prather is a Supervisory Attorney and Program Manager for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commis-sion’s (EEOC) ADR program in the Houston District Office. She mediates private sector employment discrimination disputes and oversees the ADR/Mediation program for Houston and New Orleans. Under her leadership, the mediation program has conducted over 2,000 mediations, with an average settlement rate over 70% and achieved over $20 million dollars in mone-tary settlement benefits for charging parties. Prior to joining the EEOC in 2010, Jennifer served as a Commissioner with the U.S. Federal Mediation & Conciliation Service (FMCS) in the Office of International & Dispute Resolution Services. She served as a Federal Mediator for Labor and ADR cases, with an emphasis on EEO issues and workplace disputes. She has conducted hundreds of work shops, trainings and conflict intervention programs for domestic and international audiences. Jennifer is a

native Houstonian. She received her BA from the University of Southern California and her JD from Vermont Law School.

continued on page 9

NOMINEES FOR TAM’S BOARD OF DIRECTORS FOR 2014

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 8 www.txmediator.org

Proposed TAM Board of Directors and Officers for 2014

continued from page 8

Irene P. Zucker, Dallas -- Nominee for Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2017

Irene Zucker, Principle at VerbaCom® Executive Development, has been an executive consultant, course developer, and national

trainer specializing in Negotiation, conflict resolution and oral communication for 18+ years. She is also principle of IN Mediation

Services, Dallas, Texas and is a bilingual TMCA Credentialed Advanced Mediator practicing 16 years, in the public and private

sectors in areas of B2B, Civil, Workplace Issues, Family, and Foreclosures. She was nominated Dallas County Mediator of the Year,

and was recipient of Special U. S. Congressional Recognition for Outstanding Service to the Community in dispute resolution. Irene

has been a TAM member since 2009.

RETURNING MEMBERS TO TAM’S BOARD OF DIRECTORS FOR 2014

Gene Roberts, Huntsville – President, Elected in 2013

In-coming TAM President Gene Roberts has been on the Board for four years and has been a member of TAM since 2007. Gene

Roberts is the Director of the Student Legal and Mediation Services at Sam Houston State University and is a Council Member for

the State Bar of Texas ADR Section. Gene is a 1998 graduate of the SMU School of Law and served as Chair of the Dallas Bar

Association’s ADR Section in 2012. He has also served the Dallas Chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution as a mem-

ber of its Board of Directors, President-Elect, and President.

Melynda Gulley, San Antonio -- Immediate Past President

Melynda Gulley has been a TAM member since 2001 and has served on the TAM Board for five years, most recently as President.

Her mediation expertise focuses on the emotional, spiritual and interpersonal aspects of family relationships. Currently she and

two others have started a new business, Mediators & Counselor, Inc., an innovative approach for getting a divorce, focusing on

making Mediation the process which drives the divorce. Melynda has been practicing mediation for 14 years and has performed

over 285 mediations of all types. She is a TMCA Credentialed Distinguished Mediator.

Erich M. Birch, Austin -- Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2015

Erich Birch is a lawyer, mediator and arbitrator with the Austin law firm of Birch, Becker & Moorman. The firm assists with

environmental and construction law matters and provides ADR services. Prior to private law practice Erich was an attorney with

Texas’ environmental regulatory agency, and prior to practicing law he was an engineer in the chemical industry. Erich has a

B.E. in Mechanical Engineering from Vanderbilt University, and a Law degree from the University of Houston. He has been a

Board Member of the TAM for three years. Erich also serves on the ADR Council and the General Practice, Solo, and Small

Firm Section of the State Bar, is a panel member of the American Arbitration Association, and is a Professional Engineer in Tex-

as. Erich is co-chair of the 2014 TAM Conference. He has been a member of TAM since 2009.

Kathleen Dial, San Marcos -- Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2016

Kathleen Dial has been a member of TAM since 2006 and has been on the Board for one year. She is a co-chair for the 2015

TAM Conference. Kathleen retired from the US Postal Service as a Human Resources executive in 2006. She graduated from

West Texas State University in 1970, is a TMCA Distinguished Credentialed mediator, and serves as Vice President of the Central

Texas DRC (Formerly Hays County DRC). She also serves as an Ombudsman for the ESGR (Employer Support for the Guard

and Reserves). Kathy is a CASA volunteer and currently serves as the Secretary, Board of Directors for CASA of Central Texas.

She regularly mediates for the Central Texas DRC and the Bexar County DRC.

Lori Ann LaConta, Houston -- Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2016

Lori LaConta is an attorney, arbitrator, mediator, and adjunct professor of human resource management. Lori has mediated hun-

dreds of cases involving labor, employment, commercial, family law, real estate, and personal injury disputes. The Harris County

Dispute Resolution Center has recognized Lori as one of the Top Volunteer Mediators every year since 2007. She holds a J.D.

from Southern Methodist University, a B.S. in Communications from the University of Texas at Austin, and an M.B.A. with Hu-

man Resource Management concentration from the University of Houston Clear Lake. Lori has been on the TAM Board for one

year and has been a TAM member for three years.

Christina S. Schroer, Cedar Park -- Director-at-Large, Term ending in 2015

Christina Schroer is an Ombudsman for the Texas Employer Support for the Guard and the Reserves (ESGR). She is retired from

the U.S Air Force, serving in 15 countries. Christina has been a member of TCMA since 2005 and Austin Association of Media-

tors since 2008. She joined TAM in 2006 and has served on the TAM Board for two years. Christina received a BA in Sociology

and an MA in Conflict Resolution from St. Edward's University in Austin, TX.

continued on page 13

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 9 www.txmediator.org

INTERNATIONAL PEACEMAKERS

A Path To Peace In Argentina: Equipo IMCA Blazes A Trail

By Walter A. Wright

I. Some Background and a Disclosure

The twentieth century was a turbulent time for

the people of Argentina. Intense political divi-

sions often caused extreme policy shifts as

governments seized control from each other --

sometimes through the ballot

box, other times through mili-

tary coups. From 1976 through

1983, the country endured an

internal war during which a

military regime attempted to end

violence with even greater vio-

lence. Thousands of people

“disappeared” during this peri-

od, meaning they were abduct-

ed, tortured and executed with-

out trial. Some of the

“disappeared” were revolutionaries who had

engaged in violence, but many were simply

opponents of the military regime or social activ-

ists. Numerous economic crises accompanied

the political upheavals of the twentieth century,

which added to social instability.

Argentina returned to democratic governance

after the military regime that presided over the

war initiated a disastrous war with the British in

1982 over the Falkland Islands (known in Ar-

gentina as the Malvinas Islands). In 1983, Raúl

Alfonsín became the first democratically elect-

ed president to succeed that military regime,

and six constitutionally elected presidents have

succeeded him. During this time, relative polit-

ical stability has endured despite continuing

economic challenges.

The difficult times of the twentieth century

created a longing among many Argentines for

peace and stability, and Argentina was one of

the first countries in Latin America to promote

mediation as a method for peacefully resolving

disputes. In 1995, the city of Buenos Aires,

Argentina’s Federal Capital, passed a mandato-

ry mediation law that applied to many civil,

commercial and family disputes. Since that law

went into effect in 1996, most Argentine prov-

inces

have

passed

voluntary

or man-

datory

mediation

laws,

ranking

the coun-

try

among

the world’s most advanced mediation propo-

nents.

One of the first—and most enduring—

promoters of mediation in Argentina is the

Equipo Interdisciplinario de Mediación, Concil-

iación y Arbitraje (Equipo IMCA), which

means the Interdisciplinary Team of Mediation

Conciliation and Arbitration. This nonprofit

organization, established in 1995, has become a

leader, not only in the field of mediation, but

also in the broader context of building peace in

Argentina.

Before you read further, I must disclose that I

became an honorary member of Equipo IMCA

in 1996, and I have become increasingly active

in the organization’s activities over the years. I

am now a co-director of El Acuerdo, the news-

letter described below, and the organization’s

founders are among my best friends in Latin

America. Although I cannot claim any objec-

tivity when writing about this organization, I

hope you will find it worthy of your attention.

II. Spreading Mediation Skills and

Knowledge

When Equipo IMCA began its work shortly

after the first mediation law passed in Buenos

Aires, its primary goal was to promote media-

tion, and it did so by offering comprehensive

mediation training. In Buenos Aires, mediation

is more strictly regulated than in Texas. Media-

tors must be lawyers with a minimum of three

years of experience, and they must be registered

as mediators with the Ministry of Justice and

Human Rights (MJHR). With the consent of all

parties, members of other professions (e.g.,

social workers, psychologists) may act as medi-

ators’ assistants. All mediators and mediators’

assistants must take basic training approved by

the MJHR. The basic training consists of twen-

ty hours of conflict and mediation theory, sixty

hours of practical training, and twenty hours of

apprenticeship. Since 1996, Equipo IMCA has

conducted dozens of mediation courses in Bue-

nos Aires and many of the Argentine provinces;

it is now a recognized leader in mediation train-

ing.

Equipo IMCA’s members are prolific authors

of books and articles about mediation. In 1996,

Mario de Almeida and Alba de Almeida, re-

spectively the organization’s president and

academic secretary, wrote a book entitled La

experiencia de la mediación: exegesis de la ley

24.573 (translation: The mediation experience:

exegesis of law 24,573), about the first Buenos

Aires mediation law. They wrote a second

book about the same law and its implementing

regulations in 2001. After Buenos Aires issued

a new mediation law in 2010, the Almeidas

wrote a third book in 2012, Mediación y Con-

ciliación (translation: Mediation and Concilia-

tion), which explained the new law and its im-

plementing regulations and compared it to the

laws of the various Argentine provinces.

Through these books and numerous book chap-

ters and articles the Almeidas and other mem-

bers of Equipo IMCA have written, the organi-

continued on page 11

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 10 www.txmediator.org

International Peacemakers

A Path To Peace In Argentina:

Equipo IMCA Blazes A Trail

continued from page 10

-zation has become a respected authority on

mediation theory and practice in Argentina.

El Acuerdo, a newsletter that Equipo IMCA

publishes, is another of Equipo IMCA’s

remarkable accomplishments. The organiza-

tion has always considered it important to

update the legal and mediation communities

about the development of mediation in Ar-

gentina and elsewhere. To that end, Equipo

IMCA published the first issue of El Acuerdo

in 1996, and it completed its ninety-first issue

in 2013. Each issue of the newsletter con-

tains important updates on Argentine legal

developments affecting mediation, along

with practical information and advice for

mediators. In recent years, the newsletter has

also taken on a more international focus. It

now publishes articles in four languages

(English, Spanish, Portuguese and French), and

each issue usually contains at least one article

from a non-Argentine author.

III. Building Peace

Equipo IMCA has always had an expansive

view of mediation’s potential. While its mem-

bers understand the various laws establishing

mediation as an adjunct to the court system

have been an important means of introducing

mediation to the country, they hope to use me-

diation practices for the broader purpose of

building peace within Argentine society. For

this broader purpose, they believe mediation

skills cannot be the exclusive province of law-

yers; society as a whole must learn and practice

the skills. Equipo IMCA also realizes that

members of other professions have made inval-

uable contributions to mediation; as a result, the

word “interdisciplinary” has always been a part

of its name, and it has taken an interdisciplinary

approach to its work from the outset.

The organization’s members have taken several

important steps toward the broader goal of

building peace. One of the most important

steps, on a theoretical level, was Alba de Al-

meida’s 2010 book, La Paz: camino para el

cambio social (translation: Peace: the path to

social change), in which she advocated the

employment of mediators’ skills (e.g., the abil-

ity to listen, the ability to

think critically, the ability

to prevent, manage, and

resolve conflicts) as an

essential part of peace

building. On a practical

level, Alicia Garayo, a

founder of Equipo IMCA

who lives in the province

of Neuquén, has been

supporting the youth of

Zapala, a small town in

Neuquén, in their struggle

to preserve an aquifer

from excessive commer-

cial exploitation. Cristina

Camelino, a member of

Equipo IMCA from La

Plata in the Province of

Buenos Aires, has done

extensive work to analyze and critique the ten-

dency of certain members of the press to in-

flame conflict, and she is developing a new

project to promote mutual understanding in

Argentina’s increasingly diverse society. Equi-

po IMCA has also started a Red de Construc-

tores de la Paz (translation: Peace Builders’

Network) on its Facebook page. Through all of

these activities, Equipo IMCA hopes to avoid a

return to the violence of the past and weave

peaceful approaches to conflict resolution

into the fabric of Argentine culture.

IV. Partnering with the Association for

Conflict Resolution

Equipo IMCA has always had an interna-

tional outlook, and it has expanded its inter-

national outreach by creating a special

relationship with the Association for Con-

flict Resolution (ACR) in the United States.

Members of Equipo IMCA—especially

Mario and Alba de Almeida, Alicia Garayo

and Cristina Camelino—have regularly

attended ACR’s national conferences

throughout the United States, and they have

presented their work and ideas on several

occasions as part of the Bilingual Track and

on International Day. Alicia Garayo cur-

rently serves as a director-at-large of ACR’s

International Section, and Alba de Almeida has

also served in that capacity. Equipo IMCA

deepened its relationship with ACR in 2010,

when it entered into a formal cooperation agree-

ment with ACR. Since that time, it has co-

organized two international conferences with

ACR (in 2011 and 2013) at the urban campus of

the Universidad de Ciencias Empresariales y

Sociales (translation: University of Business

and Social Sciences), a private university in

Buenos Aires. Currently, Equipo IMCA is co-

organizing a third conference with ACR in

Argentina. That conference will take place on

May 22-23, 2014 at the urban campus of the

Universidad Nacional del Litoral (translation:

National University of the Litoral) in Santa Fe,

the capital of the province of the same name.

Anyone interested in attending this conference

can contact me at ww05@txstate.edu.

In summary, Equipo IMCA exemplifies the

determined efforts of many Argentines to incor-

porate mediation into the legal system and to

employ mediation skills while building a per-

manent foundation for peace in Argentina and

elsewhere. For further information about Equi-

po IMCA, visit its website at http://www.equipo

-imca.com.ar/ or become one of its friends on

Facebook.

Walter A. Wright is an Asso-

ciate Professor in the Legal

Studies Program of the De-

partment of Political Science

at Texas State University in

San Marcos. He is a former

President of TAM.

Alicia Garayo, Alba de Almeida and Mario de Almeida at the

2010 ACR Conference in Chicago.

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 11 www.txmediator.org

Cristina Camelino teaching a workshop at the 2013 ACR

Conference in Buenos Aires.

Change My Mind —If You Can!

By Kay Elkins Elliot

Most, if not all, of you, dear readers, are media-

tors. Many of you have not only taken multiple

courses in how to manage the mediation pro-

cess, you also have studied and practiced the

arts of persuasive communication. I said “arts”

deliberately. A growing body of literature from

multiple disciplines is available for study and is

supported by validated, reliable scientific re-

search. The fascination with cognitive science

has added to this body of knowledge, and con-

tinues to amaze and enlighten anyone with a

curious and open mind. In the past fifteen

years, the discoveries about brain systems,

connections, anatomical structures, memory,

and functioning has grown exponentially. One

doesn’t have to be a mediator to be fascinated

with the amazing capabilities of our brains! But

mediators have a particularly strong motivation

to know more about this area of study: we are

in the business of persuasion. We are expert

influencers.

Persuasion is everywhere and plays an im-

portant role in politics, psychotherapy, law,

education, religion and everyday social interac-

tions. We all try to influence others and are

influenced by others continuously. A lifetime

of these activities gives us a base-line for what

we believe is effective – just based on our own,

trial-and-error experiences over a lifetime. Is

this the best way to become more persuasive?

Rather than relying on intuitive personal assess-

ment or the advice from popular books on the

subject, mediators can benefit from the work of

scholars in diverse disciplines (from communi-

cations, psychology, political science, law,

marketing, and advertising who have studied

persuasion systematically for years). Would

you like to know more?

There are some well-known tools of influence,

backed up by science. Let’s look at two of

them: reciprocity and authority. Humans are

wired to respond, either negatively or positive-

ly, to the behaviors of others. For example, if

you are the recipient of a favor, you will proba-

bly say “much obliged” and feel an urge to do

something beneficial for your benefactor. In

negotiation or mediation, the granting of a con-

cession, such as decreasing a dollar demand in

the settlement of a lawsuit, is usually influential

on the other side. Making a first concession is

therefore usually a smart strategy in bargaining,

particularly if the concession is not perceived as

very valuable to the giver but is highly valued

by the other side. A concession plan might

include a sincere apology for past behavior,

which costs nothing, and can motivate the

“victim” to reciprocate: either with a return

apology or even with a dollar concession. In an

employment dispute, the defendant corporation

might offer to transfer an aggrieved employee

to a different department, setting up the urge for

a reciprocal move by the employee, such as

dropping a complaint or dismissing a law suit.

Some parties build into their package of possi-

ble concession items that are not as highly val-

ued as other items. Those low -valued items are

offered early, accompanied by a request for a

reciprocal concession that has much higher

value. Giving a small dollar concession accom-

panied by a rationale (“as a show of good faith,

we want to start by conceding this amount right

away because we think that is fair and appropri-

ate in this case”) might set just the right tone.

There are numerous strong forces at play in

distributive bargaining. One of the most power-

ful is the natural desire of sellers to maximize,

and buyers to minimize, the price point. Known

as the “zero-sum assumption,” this logic sounds

more like a football game than a negotiation but

is present in most bargains: every dollar (yard)

the seller (player) gains is a dollar the buyer

loses. In most negotiations or mediations there

is an accompanying assumption of scarce re-

sources, which may or may not be accurate.

The psychology of influence teaches us, how-

ever, that the reciprocity norm opposes and

trumps the zero sum assumption. Once the first

concession (even if it is just an apology or ex-

pression of empathy) is made by either party,

this powerful social norm is triggered and virtu-

ally compels the other party to reciprocate with

a concession that is sometimes of greater value.

In the tension of opposing psychological forces,

reciprocation will usually govern. Negotiators

continue to participate knowingly in this power-

ful “dance” network of obligations because it

has helped our species to survive, individually

and collectively, since the dawn of humanity.

Regarding bargaining, consider the following

points about “winning” when lawyers negoti-

ate:

*Facts and law determine outcomes, and work

ethic and decency determine professional repu-

tation and standing.

*Lawyers who excessively value winning cre-

ate problems for themselves, other lawyers,

judges, and often their own client because they

become abrasive, obnoxious, and unable to

resolve cases in an advantageous way.

*The lawyer’s role requires competent legal

analysis and argument, but these activities oc-

cupy together perhaps five to fifteen percent of

the time and attention of most lawyers.

*Core facts, circumstances, and other factors

such as available resources, personalities of

clients, lawyers, judge, and jury represent the

non-legal considerations that, more than the

purely legal aspects, determine outcomes in

settlement and trial.

Another, often undervalued or unexamined,

influencer is Authority. To explain this weapon

of influence, suppose that you agree to partici-

pate in an experiment: you will help a research-

er study how punishment affects learning and

memory. Your role will be to push a button that

delivers an electric shock to another participant

when that person, the “learner,” does not re-

member the correct word in a list of paired

words you will give him to study. Each succes-

sive “shock” will be of greater intensity. How

would you feel? Nervous? The shocks you

administer for each incorrect response intensify

from 195, to 210, to 225 and up to 450 volts.

You are told by the researcher that you must

continue the experiment, even though the

“learner” is has begun to scream in pain and

beg for you to stop! Lest you think I have a

sadistic imagination, this experiment actually

occurred at Yale, designed, administered, and

evaluated by a psychology Professor: Dr. Stan-

ley Milgram. Prior to the experiment, estimates

(from colleagues and graduate psychology

students) of what percentage of volunteers

would be willing to administer intense electrical

shocks to a sobbing, pain-wracked, learner were

very low – about 1- 2 percent. In fact, about

two thirds of the volunteers continued the ex-

periment when told by the researcher to com-

plete the task they had been assigned and for

which they were being paid. The explanation is

that the “learner” was in fact an actor and was

only pretending to be in pain. The research

question was this: when it is their job, how

much suffering will ordinary people be willing

to inflict on an entirely innocent other person?

The answer surprised everyone, even the re-

searcher! Even when the “learner” announced

before the experiment that he had a heart condi-

tion, the results were the same: 65 percent of

the subjects carried out their duties faithfully

continued on page 13

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 12 www.txmediator.org

President’s Message

continued from front page

and Erich Birch. The conference updates during the

TAM board meetings this year allude to a unique and

educational experience. As it was in past years, we

will have exceptional breakout topics and keynote

speakers to offer our members. Please make every

effort to attend the conference and to help Gene

Roberts kick off his year as TAM president with a

bang.

Thank you for the honor of serving as your president,

Melynda Gully is the current President of the Texas

Association of Mediators. Her term will end during

the TAM Membership Meeting on Saturday, Febru-

ary 22, 2014 when TAM's President for the 2014-

2015 year, Gene Roberts, will be installed. Melynda

will then begin her one year term as TAM's Immedi-

ate Past President. Melynda's mediation expertise

focuses on the emotional, spiritual and interpersonal

aspects of family relationships. Melynda has been

practicing mediation for 14 years and has performed

over 285 mediations of all types. She is a TMCA

Credentialed Distinguished Mediator

Change my Mind —If You Can!

continued from page 12

through the maximum shock, listening to the

pleadings, screaming and finally the ominous

silence, of the actor. Milgram published his

findings with this explanation: there is a deep-

seated sense of duty to authority within us all

and the “real culprit in the experiments was the

subject’s inability to defy the wishes of the boss

of the study – the lab-coated researcher who

urged and, if need be, directed the subjects to

perform their duties, despite the emotional and

physical mayhem they were causing.”

What is the mediator take-away from this grisly

finding? A widely accepted system of authority

confers a huge advantage on any society. The

legal/judicial system in America, a major part

of the authority structure in our culture, in-

cludes court annexed mediation. The mediator,

therefore, is assumed to have authority, and in

fact is listed with judges and arbitrators in the

definition of tribunal (to whom lawyers and

parties may not lie) included at the beginning of

the Texas ADR act. How best to use that au-

thority as an influencer for settlement? Without

telling parties what to do (settle for $50,000),

some mediators tell relevant and emotional

stories of other cases, where settlement was

achieved, as a motivator to think more positive-

ly about continuing to negotiate. Mediators

sometimes become more directive in terms of

focused litigation risk analysis – pointing out

the weaknesses of each party’s law suit or the

inherent risks of all trials. In non-court annexed

cases, such as employment disputes within an

organization, where the mediator may have the

authority of being the ombudsman for that

organization, or in family matters mediated by a

family court services employee, the mediator

can leverage the authority role to motivate a

more open mind and engagement in generating

options and finding solutions. Just being able

to establish and enforce ground rules for media-

tion can prevent a party from leaving the pro-

cess without having a dialogue with the media-

tor, or from becoming insulting or even violent.

Having the parties tell their stories to you, an

authority figure, who can validate their percep-

tion, may soften rigidity, and bring the conflict

story more into line with a blended, compro-

mise version of the case. You are enacting the

role of a powerful influencer.

Putting together just these two influencers,

reciprocity and authority,(and there are many

more) is helpful in preparing and managing the

mediation process. Stay tuned because in future

columns, there will be more about the im-

portance of influencers and your role as one of

them!

i Persuasion: From Single to Multiple to Meta-

cognitive Processes, 2008 Association for Psy-

chological Science, 137-147.

ii K. Elliott & F. Elliott, Settlement Advocacy,

11 Texas Wesleyan Law Review, 7 (2004).

iii Krieger, Human Nature as a New Guiding

Philosophy for Legal Education and the Profes-

sion, 47 Washburn Law Journal 101, 135

(2008).

iv Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People

Agree to Things, 208 (1984).

Kay Elkins Elliott, J.D.,

LL.M., M.A., maintains a

private practice, Elliott

Mediations, and serves as

ADR coordinator, coach,

and adjunct professor at

Texas A&M University

School of Law in Fort

Worth. She is also the ADR coordinator of the

Texas Wesleyan University Mediation Certifi-

cate program and writes columns for the Texas

Association of Mediators Newsletter and the

State Bar of Texas ADR Section newsletter. She

is a former board member of the Texas media-

tor Credentialing Association and is a TMCA

Distinguished Credentialed Mediator. She

formerly served on the SBOT ADR council, is

the co-editor and chapters author of the Texas

ADR Handbook, 3rd edition, and is co-editing

and writing chapters for the next edition to be

published in 2014, with her husband, Dean

Emeritus Frank Elliott. She has taught media-

tion in Europe and China. Her ADR law stu-

dent teams have won multiple regional, nation-

al, and international prizes in Negotiation,

Client Counseling, Mediation and Arbitration.

She is currently pursuing a graduate degree in

Marriage and Family Therapy.

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 13 www.txmediator.org

Proposed TAM Board of Directors

and Officers for 2014

continued from page 9

In addition to those persons listed above,

TAM’s Board also consists of five directors

who are appointed each year to serve the

Board for a one-year term beginning with the

board meeting held in conjunction with the

annual conference. These appointed directors

serve TAM in the positions of Historian,

Membership Chair, Newsletter Editor, Social

Media Chair, and TMCA Representative.

We will highlight the appointed directors and

TAM’s out-going officers and directors in

our next issue of The Texas Mediator.

Yes, we have entered the Twittersphere...a

social network called Twitter and all of its mil-

lions of global registered users. TAM first put

its big toe into the social network ocean two

years ago by engaging members in our Linked

In group; and then a year later we started our

own Facebook page. In this New Year, our

social media strategy is to join and engage in

the conversation. What conversation you ask?

Good question.

Let’s start by educating you about Twitter, Inc.

a social networking company founded in 2006.

It is a social networking and micro-messaging

platform where anyone can register, send and

receive “tweets” which are 140 character text

messages. It is an opportunity to discover and

share information with real-time communica-

tion FAST! The conversation is about engaging

with anyone in the world on topics of interest to

you. Strategically, it makes sense to focus on

building a collegial network of individuals and

businesses interested in your area of practice

such as conflict resolution, mediation or conflict

coaching, etc. Within your network, you can

ask questions, discover resources, get connected

to others, share your knowledge and build trust-

ing relationships. The conversations often lead

to others sharing your insights and knowledge

to their networks -- often reaching thousands of

people and building referral networks. At first it

can be daunting and time consuming, but one

learns how to best manage their time and learns

to be strategic in how best to leverage their

social networks.

Getting started on Twitter means signing up for

a free account at www.twitter.com and creating

your Twitter handle. TAM’s new Twitter han-

dle is @TXAssocMediator. Because the tweets

are short…no more than 140 characters…you

need to learn how to use abbreviated words to

communicate your thoughts, feelings, resources

or tips. For example, TBH means “to be hon-

est” or “ICYMI” translates to “in case you

missed it” or “TY” for “thank you”.

4 Basic Commands you need to know in order

to send your first tweet.

Use the @ symbol paired with a Twitter

handle (someone’s Twitter name). It is

essential when you want to address some-

one specific or when you want to share

with others.

° Example - Really loved this post by

@DonPhilbin. Gr8 tips.

° Example - @EngageConflict Who has

been ur favorite guest on the Conflict

Specialists show?

Use the # symbol or hashtag as it is neces-

sary to create themes, find trending topics,

search important threads or ask questions

to engage your audience.

° Example - Ck out the upcoming

@TXAssocMediator conference in Austin

#TAM2014

° Example – How might conflict coaching

be used in mediation? #mediation

#coaching

Use RT to retweet or share a micro-

message written by someone else. This

message is something you feel is worth

sharing with others in your network.

° Example – RT @TXAssocMediator: We

are excited to have @NewYorkPeace Brad

Heckman at our upcoming conference in

Austin. #TAM2014

Use DM or a direct message to contact some-

one privately in your Twitter network. This

private message is only seen by the person you

direct the message to and will not be posted in

the Twitter timeline.

° Example – DM @SMUDRCM Is there a

healthcare mediation class as part of ur

program?

If you are a new user, I highly suggest visiting

Twitter’s Help Center and reading their New

User FAQs (https://support.twitter.com/

articles/13920-new-user-faqs#) or check out

Twitter 101: What is Twitter Really About?

(http://socialmediatoday.com/daniel-

zeevi/1371811/twitter-101-what-twitter-really-

about)

Pattie Porter, LCSW, AAP is a

TMCA Credentialed Distin-

guished Mediator and has

served as the Social Media

Chair on the TAM Board for

the past two years. She has

been a member of TAM since 2007 and is a co-

chair of the 2015 TAM Conference. Pattie is

TAM’s nominee for President-Elect in 2014.

Entering The Twittersphere

By Pattie Porter

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 14 www.txmediator.org

Don’t Forget to Renew Your TAM

Membership for 2014

Full Member - $75 Candidate for Membership - $50 Friend - $50

The TAM membership year is based on the calendar year. Therefore, all 2013 memberships expired on Dec. 31, 2013. (If

you joined after Oct. 1, 2013, you have already renewed for 2014.) Membership renewal reminders were sent by email to

all 2013 members. Your email address is also your login for the member center. If you have questions about membership

please email TAMmembership@gmail.com.

The Mediator’s Toolbox

To Avoid Breakdown, Break it Down!

By David A. Ladensohn

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 15 www.txmediator.org

We know that as mediators we must use all our

senses. We must truly listen to what the clients

and their attorneys say, read their body

language, be hyper-aware of everything --

trying not to miss the little nuances that occur

during a mediation that tell us so much about

what is really going on.

But one of the most important ways to listen

that we must not forget is to listen with our

hearts. We must always remember that we are

not just dealing with titles and roles (attorneys,

parties, plaintiffs, defendants), but with people.

And all people have goals and dreams – some

of which are impossible by any logical

reasoning, but which are always there,

nonetheless.

I recently did a Child Protective Services

mediation for which the ultimate outcome was a

foregone conclusion. The parents had both

made a number of bad choices in their lives,

and CPS held all the cards. The children were

currently in foster placement with a perfect

young couple who wanted to adopt them.

There was little doubt that if the case went to

trial the biological parents would lose their

parental rights, and the foster parents would

adopt the children. It was just a question of

when, where, and how this would happen.

This feeling of foregone conclusion and just-

going-through-the-motions was the predomi-

nant mood in the mediation room as I entered it.

The sheer number of people there who felt the

interests of the children would best be served by

severing the biological parents’ rights was

staggering. They couldn’t even all fit on one

side of a very long table, but wrapped around

the end and up the other side. It was readily

apparent that the majority of the people present

expected my role to be one of helping them

convince the parents that they should give in to

the inevitable with as little fuss as possible so

everyone on their side of the table could get on

with their busy lives.

In sharp contrast, the other side of this dispute

was very small in number. Only one parent –

the incarcerated one – showed up for the

mediation. The other one could not be found,

although that parent’s attorney and several other

people tried valiantly to find the absent party.

The parent who was present was sitting near

one end of the conference table with his/her

court-appointed attorney and with the guard

stationed a few feet away. The parent’s

appearance was enough to keep everyone else

at a safe distance – inmate garb; chains; long,

un-kempt hair. I had to tell myself this prisoner

was a parent who was facing losing his/her

children forever, and that if anyone in my entire

mediation career needed help in leveling out a

power imbalance, it was he/she. I willed myself

to go over to the head of the table, introduce

myself, shake hands, and sit down.

We began the mediation according to the script

CPS expected us to follow until the parent’s

attorney, who also looked beyond his client’s

outer appearance to the person within, asked for

a break. The attorney could see that if things

continued as they were, his client would react

defensively – perhaps violently – and needed a

break. The parent was frightened, grossly

outnumbered, cornered, and on the edge of a

“knee-jerk” reaction that would definitely not

help his/her case. The attorney spoke with his

client alone for a few minutes and then talked

privately with me.

The three of us – the attorney, parent, and I –

then talked for some time about the parent’s

own unhappy life experiences as a foster child

who was ultimately returned to his/her abusive

and hated parent by CPS. We talked about the

parent’s desire to make a better life for him/

herself and the children. The parent pleaded

that he/she only needed some time to make all

that happen. We then talked about the reality

that the children didn’t have the time to wait.

They needed that good life now.

Against the advice of the powers that controlled

the other side, I brought everyone back to the

table at that point, seating the prospective

adoptive parents directly opposite from the

biological parent. The only advice I gave the

prospective parents before they entered the

room was to refrain from discussing things that

had happened in the past between the children

and their biological parents, particularly

negative things, and to focus on the present

situation and their hopes for the future of the

children.

And then a magical thing happened. The

biological parent and the prospective adoptive

parents talked about their mutual love for the

children, the cute things the children did, the

games they enjoyed, their new school and

friends… All the other people at the table faded

away. It was no longer two sides to a dispute; it

was just three parents talking about their kids.

At the end all three were crying; yet, all three

were satisfied.

We all want to think of ourselves as noble, no

matter how bad we look in the eyes of the

world. We want to be able to look at ourselves

and smile. We want to know that we’ve done

something right and that it really matters that

we did it. We want a better life for ourselves

and for our children. No matter how many

mistakes we’ve made and how impossible the

future looks, we want to believe there’s hope.

In the eyes of the law this mediation turned out

the way “everyone” expected, but it was so

much more. A parent who had made many

mistakes in the past willingly – almost eagerly –

gave up one of the last rights he/she still had,

knowing it was the right thing to do. The new

parents who were rescuing their children from

an uncertain and sometimes frightening

experience knew they were doing it with the

blessing and the sacrifice of the biological

parent. When the children asked later about this

parent, they would be able to say in all honesty

that when it really mattered for their future,

their parent had willingly and lovingly done the

noble thing.

Linda Gibson is an

attorney mediator in

Temple, Texas. She has

been a member of TAM for

twenty years and has been

a board member for fifteen

of those years, serving as

TAM President in 2004.

Linda currently serves as TAM’s newsletter

editor.

The Mediator’s Toolbox

Listen with Your Heart

By Linda Gibson

Full Members

Jeffry Abrams, Houston

DeLila S. Bergan, Highland Village

W. Bradshaw Boney, Galveston

Carla Boykin, Irving

Bernie Casey, Cedar Park

River Dunavin, Houston

Jennifer Failla, Coral Gables, FL

Vicki Isaacks, Denton

Marcia Y. Anavitarte-Jordan, Austin

Don R. Kelly, Watauga

Joseph F. Rizzo, San Antonio

Mike G. Wallace, Austin

Friends of TAM

Sarah Litton Burkett, Houston

David H Green, Conroe

Bonnie L. Van Sickle, Ingleside

Elizabeth (Lisa) Woods, Austin

Candidates for Membership

Mary Ayala, Houston

Deitri Bastas Brixey, Prosper

Richard J. Cho, Irving

Iman Farrior, Houston

Jacquelyn A. Flynt, Fort Worth

Willie E Harris, Houston

Erika C. Hurst, Pearland

Brian Kennedy, El Paso

Brenda Chamblee Meek, Houston

Mireya Moreno, Bryan

Nancy B. Pike, McKinney

Carol Saliba, Houston

Troy Sonnenberg, Austin

Rebecca Vela, McAllen

Joyce Jack, Wimberley

Carlecia D. Wright, Houston

List as of February 6, 2014

Welcome New TAM Members

Dr. Ralph Steele has been a mediator since

1992 and a member of TAM since 2009. He

has conducted over 8000 hours of mediation,

and has more than ten years experience in the

mediation of business and family issues. Dr.

Steele has received two doctorate degrees -- one

in Civil Law and Mediation and a Ph.D. in

Psychology from Oxford University in the

United Kingdom. He is both a TMCA Creden-

tialed Distinguished Mediator and a Board

Certified Professional Counselor (by the Ameri-

can Psychotherapy Association and the Texas

Board of Examiners of Professional Counse-

lors). His undergraduate degree is from Con-

cordia University, and he holds a Master of

Divinity degree from Vanderbilt University.

Dr. Steele honorably served as a United States

naval officer and is devoted to developing our

youth as future leaders who have positive im-

pacts on society.

In addition to being a mediator and a counselor,

Dr. Steele also teaches mediation skills to oth-

ers. In 1992 he conducted peer mediation and

peer mediation training and wrote a book enti-

tled the School Conflict Resolution Mediation

Program. He also developed the Mediation

Certificate Program at the University of Texas

at Arlington and is on the faculty of that pro-

gram. His Irving-based business, Mediation

Worlds, PLLC, not only provides mediation

services, but also offers basic and advanced

mediation training and a Mediation Fellows

Program for current mediators. This fellowship

gives mediators opportunities to increase their

knowledge and skills to the highest competency

level. It is the intent of the fellowship program

to assist mediators in being able to mediate in

any setting. Dr. Steele has recently written two

books on the mediation profession, entitled

Save Millions with Conflict Coaching: A Cross

-Cultural Conflict Coaching Methodology and

Model (February, 2011) and Facts, Issues, Op-

tions, and Solutions (May, 2013).

Dr. Steele has a contractual partnership with the

World Mediation Organization as an Affiliate

and a District Manager and Lecturer of Media-

tion and Conflict Resolution. He is a frequent

mediation speaker, panelist, and judge.

Spotlight on TAM Member

Dr. Ralph Steele

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 16 www.txmediator.org

Dr. Ralph Steele

Dealing with Difficult Personalities

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 17 www.txmediator.org

The Tank by Stevie Hall

October is Conflict Resolution Month. Con-

flict can occur in the workplace, the educa-

tional setting, within the family, around the

world, and so on. So, here at Student Legal &

Mediation Services we want to make sure you

are prepared to handle difficult personalities

in these stressful situations.

In many environments we are in, we encoun-

ter difficult people. Though there are four

main types of difficult individuals, today we

will discuss “The Tank.” An individual who

possesses the qualities of a Tank will express

open aggressiveness, push their schedule

forward, and try to prove themselves while

demanding respect from the person they are

speaking with.

There’s nothing wrong with having this per-

sonality type; each of us have an aspect of

every personality type. However, when this

personality type becomes too overwhelming,

you need to use the proper steps to control the

situation. Dr. L. Darryl Armstrong, senior

facilitator of Behavioral Public Relations LLC

says to follow these tips:

1. Stay calm. If you raise your voice or

show that you are upset, it will only en-

courage the Tank’s aggression to escalate.

2. Use their name when speaking to them.

This makes them feel important.

3. Summarize and repeat everything they

said back to them, “[Name], so what I’m

hearing you say is that …”

4. Focus on the issue at hand, not their per-

sonality.

5. Keep in mind the perspective they are

coming from.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to pass it

on to a supervisor.

Dealing with a difficult personality can be

overwhelming, but practicing these steps

during confrontation can ensure an easier time

with a quicker route to a resolution.

Stevie Hall is a psychology major at Sam Houston

State University who will graduate in August 2014.

After graduation Stevie will continue her education

at graduate school to earn a Master’s of Counsel-

ing. She enjoys researching and learning about the

law, and hopes to be involved in the field someday.

The Know-It-All by Regan Joswiak

There are two types of Know-It-Alls: the true

expert on a subject and someone who pre-

tends to be an expert on a subject. The true

expert, while knowledgeable, may act conde-

scending and superior toward others. In their

opinion, you are not worth listening to unless

you have done your research and present

yourself as an equal on the subject. The pre-

tend expert acts the same way, but, of course,

lacks knowledge; because of this, they can be

easier to deal with in that they are unaware of

how little they know.

Dr. Clay Tucker-Ladd suggests strategies for

dealing with either type of Know-It-All:

1. Listen to them and then paraphrase their

ideas.

2. Do not attack their points; instead, ask

questions in such a way that suggests

alternative approaches (“It probably isn’t

a viable choice, but could we consider . .

.?”)

3. Make sure to show that you respect their

ideas, or at least seem as though you do.

The Know-It-All seeks respect and admi-

ration.

4. If the Know-It-All is a true expert who

will not consider anyone else’s ideas, you

may have to “graciously accept a subordi-

nate role as his/her ‘helper,’” as Tucker-

Ladd suggests.

5. In the case that The Know-It-All is a pre-

tend expert, they can be told the facts in a

tactful manner in private. Do not confront

them in front of a group, and keep in mind

that they simply want admiration from

those around them.

Regan Joswiak is a recent graduate of Sam

Houston State University with a B. A. in Eng-

lish. She serves as a Staff Associate I for Stu-

dent Legal & Mediation Services at Sam

Houston State University and is also an Office

Assistant for Aramark.

The Maybe Person by Mathew Baughman

The Maybe Person is simple to identify. They

are passive and tend to be people pleasers.

The Maybe Person will procrastinate on a

decision in hopes of finding a better option.

Often, this causes the decision to be made for

them.

Sources of Insight

(http://sourcesofinsight.com) outlines a few

ways that you can deal with a Maybe Person:

1. Establish a comfort zone

2. Clarify options

3. Use a decision making system

4. Show them that there are no perfect deci-

sions, and that their decision is a good one

5. Strengthen the relationship

The Exploder Person by Mathew Baughman

The Exploder is the type of person to shift

drastically in their mood swings. They may

seem calm and then trail off on a wild rant

that seems to be out of nowhere. They will

often use vulgar language and insulting terms

in order to make their opposition (you) feel

inadequate.

Dana Kelly provides some tools for handling

the Exploder personality:

1. Let them voice their concerns and then try

to solve the problem(s).

2. Attempt to calm them down.

3. Listen to what they have to say and take

them seriously.

4. Find a private area where they can express

their concerns with you, so they do not

cause a scene.

Mathew Baughman is a freshman at Sam

Houston State University and is currently

majoring in Political Science. Mathew hopes

to spend a semester abroad to further his

knowledge of international politics. After

graduation, Mathew would like to pursue a

career as a political analyst or a policy ana-

lyst.

Sam Houston State University’s Student Legal and Mediation Services provides 20,000 university students in Huntsville and The Wood-

lands with high-quality legal and conflict-resolution services. Gene Roberts, the Director of SLMS and the President of TAM, oversees a

staff of students who are dedicated to serving their fellow students. The office publishes a blog at www.bearkatlaw.com, where the student

workers, under Gene’s supervision, write articles relating to developments in law and conflict resolution that are of interest to students. As

a service to TAM and with the authors’ permission, we are sharing some of the blogs first published October 17 – 31, 2013 with you.

Calendar of Events

The Texas Association of Mediators offers this calendar of upcoming trainings and events as a service to its members and the

community. TAM does not recommend or endorse any specific provider, model or training. The information listed below has

been submitted to TAM by the providers. TAM does not verify credentials or any of the claims stated in the information. Addi-

tional details about each event can be found on the TAM website calendar. Please contact the provider for further information

or to register.

NOTE: Training courses and other events that would be of interest to TAM members can be submitted on the TAM website

Calendar of Events page: www.txmediator.org/training

Conflict resolution trainings and events in Texas can also be posted to the Texas Association of Mediators (TAM) Linked In

subgroup called “Conflict Resolution Events / Resources in Texas.” Join the subgroup and post.

You can join the subgroup by simply typing in the subgroup name while in Linked In using the search engine box in the top right-

hand corner. Make sure to use the drop down box to select "groups," type the subgroup name and hit enter. The subgroup will pop

up and select it.

AUSTIN

TAM 2014 Annual Conference: Mediators - Problem Solvers – Peacemakers - February 21 – 22,

2014 - Hyatt Regency Hotel

DALLAS/FORT WORTH AREA

Duncum Center for Conflict Resolution, Abilene Christian College at City Square, 325-674-2015, www.mediate.com/ccr/

pg1226.cfm

40-Hour Basic Mediation Training - March 17-21, 2014

continued on page 19

Save the date! TMCA’s 10th Annual

Symposium (yes, it’s been 10 years!) is

scheduled Saturday, October 5th, in Aus-

tin.

If you haven’t renewed your TMCA

credential or haven’t yet become creden-

tialed, please be sure to renew/apply as

soon as possible so you won’t miss the

opportunity to appear in our two-page ad

spread in the June 2014 Texas Bar Jour-

nal. A recent study indicated that 96%

of the attorneys who receive this publi-

cation read it. With a circulation ex-

ceeding 100,000 copies, this is an excel-

lent way to get your name and TMCA

credential in front of Texas attor-

neys. You can renew or apply for a cre-

dential at www.txmca.org.

Melanie E. Grimes is blessed

with a private mediation

practice in Dallas, which

encompasses family and civil

law matters. She is a TMCA

Credentialed Distinguished

Mediator and was honored

with the Louis Weber Award

as “Outstanding Mediator of the Year.”

Melanie serves as the TAM representative to

the TMCA Board of Directors.

Texas Mediator Credentialing Association Update

By Melanie E. Grimes

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 18 www.txmediator.org

Calendar of Events

continued from page 18

Dallas/Fort Worth Area (cont.)

El Centro College, (972) 296-5900, www.elcentrocollege.edu

(Most courses are offered on Thursday, Saturday and Sundays)

Introduction to Negotiation - Starting February 6, 2014

Introduction to Mediation - Starting April 3, 2014

Introduction to Divorce Mediation - Starting February 27, 2014

Intro to Conflict Dynamics - Starting March 20, 2014

Advanced Mediation - Starting May 8, 2014

Intro to Cross-Cultures Dispute Resolution - Starting April 24, 2014

MEDIATION DYNAMICS, (817) 926-5555, www.MediationDynamics.com

30-hour Family Mediation Training - February 22-23 & March 1-2, 2014

Professional Services & Education, (214) 526-4525, www.conflicthappens.com

Basic Mediation - February 1-13, 2014; June 16-19, 2014, October 13-16, 2014

Family Mediation - March 24-26, 2014, November 17-19, 2014

HOUSTON

Manousso Mediation Training and ADR Services - (713) 840-0828, www.manousso.us

Advance Family-Divorce-Child Custody - February 28, March 1 - 2, 2014

Arbitration - March 3, 2014

Basic Mediation - 40 hours certificate - March 27 - 30, 2014

SAN MARCOS

Central Texas Dispute Resolution Center (DRC), (512) 878-0382, www.hcdrc.org

Mediation and Film: Hollywood and the TMCA Code of Ethics - February 26, 2014

Kerrville

Hill Country DRC, www. hillcountrydrc. org or (830) 792-5000, hcadrc@ktc.com

40-Hour Basic Mediation Training—March 27-29, 2014 and April 10-11, 2014

Lubbock

Lubbock County Office of Dispute Resolution, (806) 775-1720, www.co.lubbock.tx.us

Basic Mediation Training - May 19 - 23, 2014

Waco

Baylor Law School and the McLennan County Dispute Resolution Center (DRC), (254) 752-0955, drcwaco@hot.rr.com

Basic Mediation Training - February 20 - Mar 1, 2014

THE TEXAS MEDIATOR 19 www.txmediator.org

Officers And Directors TAM OFFICERS

President Melynda Gulley, San Antonio melyndagulley@sbcglobal.net, 210-828-9162

President-Elect Ralph E. (Gene) Roberts Jr., Huntsville gene.roberts@shsu.edu; 936-294-1717

Secretary Toylaine Spencer, Houston toylaine@gmail.com, 512-461-3269

Treasurer Meg Walker, Galveston TAMadmin@gmail.com, 409-744-2449

Immediate Past President Portia Brown, The Woodlands portiakbrown@gmail.com, 281-367-2483

TAM DIRECTORS

Erich M. Birch, Austin ebirch@birchbecker.com, 512-349-9300

Kathleen Dial, San Marcos kathleen_dial@msn.com, 860-798-9367 Lori LaConta, Houston lori@lacontaADR.com, 832-651-8735

David A. Ladensohn, San Antonio dladensohn@gmail.com, 210-557-4744 Adam McGough, Dallas MediateToo@gmail.com, 214-876-0582 Christina S. Schroer. Cedar Park cschroer1@austin.rr.com, 512-689-9819

Membership Chair Margaret Leeds, San Antonio maleeds@me.com, 210-281-9628

Historian Suzanne Mann Duvall, Dallas no email, 214-361-0802

Newsletter Editor Linda Gibson, Temple lindawgibson@gmail.com, 254-771-3468

Social Media Chair Pattie Porter, San Antonio pmporter@conflict connections.com, 210-880-4440 TMCA Representative Melanie Grimes, Dallas mgrimes@mgmediation.com, 214-369-3690

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THE TEXAS MEDIATOR www.txmediator.org