intimacy: breaking down walls of defense main points from last time questions answered
TRANSCRIPT
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Intimacy: Breaking Down Walls of Defense
Main Points from Last Time
Questions answered
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Ephesians 5: 31-33
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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Principle AppliedOneness suggests something special found nowhere else in relationships except in marriage- possible through love and respect which creates safety… which provides a foundation for intimacy
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I. What is Intimacy?
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What is Intimacy?How Do We Become One?
Oneness occurs as a process of growth over time… a process we can help develop… and hinder… true oneness does not occur suddenly because of one act
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Pathway to Intimacy (True Oneness)
Physical
EmotionalSpiritual
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II. Necessary Prerequisites of Intimacy
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Necessary Prerequisites to Intimacy
“Two-ness”- Complementing not Completing
Being Adult Taking Responsibility &
Ownership of Yourself
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A Complete Person... Connects Emotionally Is Vulnerable & Shares Feelings Accepts Imperfections with Grace Thinks for Oneself- Expresses
Opinions Takes Risks Not Controlled by External/Internal
Factors Learns & Grows Is Spiritual, Sexual, and Intellectual Has Appropriate Sense of Power &
Assertiveness Can Say No
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An Adult...
Takes Responsibility (for feelings, actions, choices, thoughts, values, love)
Requires Ownership- for self & other Values Treasures- of self & other Understands that “You are not me” Sees the Other as a Person- Not Object Allows the Other’s Experience Allows the Other to be Different Respects Freedom- of space
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III. What are the necessary ingredients for
oneness?
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Key Ingredients to Intimacy Commitment Being transparent/open (James
5:16- “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”)
Truly “knowing” each other (thoughts, desires, dreams, shared experiences)
Emotional Closeness, Spiritual Closeness, Physical Closeness… in Balance (all takes place as a process over time)
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IV. What Stops Intimacy?
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Intimacy Blockers Defenses
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Defenses
Denial Repression Suppression Dissociation Conversion Rationalization Intellectualization Projection others
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Intimacy Blockers
Defenses Learned Behavior Relationship Wounds
Unhealed
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V. How Can We Create Intimacy?
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We give up certain individual rights and freedoms for the sake of intimacy
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Creating Greater Intimacy
Learning from the therapy relationship
Learning from the process of therapy
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The Process of Therapy
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Intimacy Grows When:
We risk greater openness
We learn to be emotionally present
We develop a high degree of caring
We have a climate of trust built on fidelity and continuity
We Feel Safe!
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Safety is the Core Principle in Creating Intimacy
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Ephesians 5: 31-33
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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Practical Application
Look at yourself- are you an “adult”? Are you a “complete” person?
Discuss with your spouse how you can create safety in your marriage