introduction to wholebeing happiness · 2018-06-25 · introduction to wholebeing happiness lesson...

©2017 Megan McDonough wholebeinginstitute.com V1

Saying yes, and understanding why, is an opportunity to shape yourself. Or, to be more accurate, saying yes is an opportunity to shape your selves.

We think we are one self. But in fact, we’re much more complex than that. As Walt Whitman wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”

You can think of these multitudes as versions. For example, picture or imagine your 15-, 30-, and 80-year-old selves. Are they different versions of the one you?

Introduction to Wholebeing HappinessLesson 1: Start With Yes

Think back to when you said yes to this course. What were you saying yes to? What were you hoping to get or gain from this experience? How are you planning on applying what you will learn? In short, why did you say yes? Take a moment and write where the yes came from. Keep that vision fresh as you begin.

Yes


These versions live as mental models in your head, a construct in your mind’s eye about who you are. Here’s how psychology organizes these mental models.

Your ideal self is the person you wish to become in the future. It’s an aspirational view of you. Your ideal self epitomizes your deepest hopes and biggest dreams, and the skills and achievements you want to attain. The ideal self is future focused.

Your best self is the inner portrait of who you are when you’re at your personal best—the good qualities and characteristics you have now. The best self is present focused.

The authentic self is your real self, the whole you. It includes your best, and also your worst. The authentic self is you being you. It’s right here, right now.

You also have possible selves—ideas in your mind about different paths you could take that would create a different you. Some you fear, and don’t want to become, some you dream will come true.

You also have the ought self—the person you or others think you “should” be. These are the cultural norms that shape expectations.

No wonder the path to a flourishing life seems confusing. It’s a very crowded path, with conflicting opinions.

We think there is a “one real me” under all these selves. What research shows, though, is that who we think we are and who we think we can become is shaped by our relationships, the cultural environment, and the choices we make.

We grow out into the world and, in doing so, shape our selves. As we shape our selves, we shape the quality of our life.

Here’s a visual metaphor that helps us play nice with all these selves: a hot air balloon taking you on a journey to your selves.

The basket of the balloon is your authentic self. It’s where you stand, living your everyday life. The balloon above you is your best self—the moments when your personal best is expressed. It lifts you. Before you set out on the balloon trip, you considered many possible destinations, as we would do when considering possible self #1, possible self #2, or possible self #3. The ideal self is the destination you’ve decided is the worthwhile aim of the trip. It’s the highest aspiration, your personal Mount Everest. It’s the possible self you decided is ideal. And, at times, there are sandbags and tethers of the ought self holding us down, as we wrestle with the “shoulds.”



To help land this idea, consider your own “journey to selves” story by filling in the blanks.

My authentic self is

(fun-loving, biased towards action, family-oriented, creative, impatient, etc. What words describe your natural inclinations, the way you are typically, today?)

One of my best-self moments came when I

(helped my team develop a new system, went on a trip with my family, enjoyed a day at the beach, accomplished a certain goal, etc. When did you feel alive and at your best?)

Sometimes I worry about a possible self in the future, like perhaps

(not realizing my dreams, losing money, spending my old age regretting the choices I’ve made, etc. What possible self floats to mind that creates unease?)

Other times I think about a happy possible self

(as a happy grandmother with a strong, connected family, leading a successful company, etc. What possible positive self comes to mind for the future?)

My ideal self, what I’m ultimately aiming for, is to

(be a memorable mother, a present partner, a CEO in flow, a human being who experiences it all as one, etc. What big, aspirational view gives you hope?)

The responsibilities and “shoulds” that create boundaries for me are

(thinking I should get a formal degree, living up to another’s expectation, caring for my family, earning a paycheck, etc. What do you think you ought to be doing?)

You said yes to this course because it resonated with some aspect of yourself. You may or may not know your ideal self. You may or may not have clarity about the direction you’re heading. You may only know what you DON’T want. All of that is fine; the process works even though it’s messy.

To organize the messiness, use the balloon worksheet to fill in the selves. Use the answers above, or add new ones, as you bring the whole self into the picture.

The balloon worksheet is designed to help you get comfy with your selves, especially because the language of ideal self and best self will continue to be a core part of the course.

Takeit in




Best S

elf Mo

ment #

3

Best

Self M

oment #

2

Possible Self #

3

Possible Self #

2

Ought Self

Possible Self #

1

Authentic Self

Ideal Se l f

Best

Self M

oment #

1

biased

towards

action

family-oriented creative,impatient

I should go

back to s

chool

To be a

memorable mother,

a present partner,

a CEO in flow,

and a human being who

experiences it all as one

fun-loving

Build

ing

the ve

ry fi

rst

Cert

ifica

te in

Posit

ive P

sych

ology

cour

se.

Regretting

choices

Happy grandmoth

er

Thriving

company

Example


Best S

elf Mo

ment #

3

Best

Self M

oment #

1

Best

Self M

oment #

2

Possible Self #

3

Possible Self #

2

Ought Self

Possible Self #

1

Authentic Self

Ideal Se l f



Let’s take that initial selves story and play with it a bit, focusing on a best possible self. Set aside 20 minutes a day for the next four days. In that time, write (not type), using the following prompt:

Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all of your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined.1

Don’t worry about the grammar or style of your writing. Just write; no need to edit. You can write the same story for all four days, completely different stories on different days, or some combination of both. Use the full 20 minutes (no shortcuts!) for four consecutive days.

On the fifth day, review everything you wrote over the past four days. What jumps out at you? What themes do you notice?

Day 1

1 King, L. A. “The Health Benefits of Writing about Life Goals.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 27.7 (2001): 798-807.

Testit out



Day 2Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all of your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined.

Testit out




Testit out



Day 5Review everything you wrote over the past four days. What jumps out at you? What themes do you notice?

Testit out


introduction to wholebeing happiness · 2018-06-25 · introduction to wholebeing happiness lesson...

Documents