it’s a girl! stacie bering, f baby girl! essential information about pregnancy...

essential information about

pregnancy, childbirth, and

beyond—for the parents, family,

and friends of baby girls

S

the latest neurological research

and brain science on how girls

are diff erent from boys

S

how parents can nurture

the unique health issues,

socialization, and genetic

predispositions of girls

T H E G U R I A N I N S T I T U T E is committed to providing both science-based informa-tion and practical and relevant applications for everyday life. Th e staff of certifi ed trainers helps to build self-suffi ciency in communities. To learn more, please visit www.gurianinstitute.com.

Michael Gurian is the founder of the Gurian Institute and author of Nurture the Nature, Th e Minds of Boys, Th e Wonder of Boys, Boys and Girls Learn Diff erently, and Th e Wonder of Girls. He lives in Spokane, Washington, with his wife and two daughters.

Adie Goldberg, ACSW, MEd, is a board-certifi ed social worker who has been a psychiatric social worker at WomanHealth, an OB-GYN practice, for twenty years and is certifi ed at the Gurian Institute. She lives in Spokane, Washington, with her husband and youngest daughter, Chloe.

Stacie Bering, MD, is a board-certifi ed obstetrician-gynecolo-gist who has practiced and taught ob-stetrics and gynecology for twenty-fi ve years in Spokane, Washington, where she skis and travels with her husband, Jeff ry, and their grown children Cassie and Zack.

SU.S. $15.95 | Canada $18.95

rom the acclaimed Gurian Institute comes a practical, science-based book for raising your little girl. Th e book shows how to understand the core nature of your girl and how to nourish her through problems of crying, fussing, eating, sleeping, attaching, and other

key issues during the fi rst twelve months of life. Warm-hearted stories and tips from real moms and dads off er a preview of what’s to come for your girl as she becomes a toddler, preschool kid, prepubescent, and beyond.

“Told with gentle humor and with stories and wisdom gleaned from personal and professional experience, It’s a Baby Girl! is not only the best ‘how to’ on raising your little girl but also captures the magic and challenge of parenting.”

—Pam Silverstein, MD, FACOG, obstetrician-gynecologist, and founder of WomanHealth

“It’s a Baby Girl! explains the development and functioning of the female brain. If you are raising a baby girl, this is a book you really need to read.”

—Stephen J. Bavolek, PhD, author, Th e Nurturing Parenting Program; executive director,

Family Nurturing Centers, International

“Reading It’s a Baby Girl! is akin to reading a good guidebook before and during a trip: your experience is richer as you deepen your understanding of what you are seeing, doing, and experiencing. If you are preparing for a new baby girl or have a friend or relative with a daughter, this book will be a delight.”

—Lynne H. Williams, MD, coauthor, Th e Too Precious Child

“It’s a Baby Girl! is thoughtfully research-based, yet perceptively practical for any parent who has just been blessed by the gift of a girl. Parents will close the book truly understanding why girls and boys are diff erent in so many ways, and how to nurture the nature of their daughter.”

—Fay E. Brown, PhD, director, Child and Adolescent Development, School

Development Program, Yale University

Th e Unique Wonder and Special Nature of Your Daughter from Pregnancy to Two Years

The Gurian InstituteStacie Bering, MD, andAdie Goldberg, ACSW, MEd

Foreword by Michael Gurian

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PARENTING

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It’s a BaBy GIRL!

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It’s a BaBy GIRL!

The Unique Wonder and Special Nature of Your Daughter

from Pregnancy to Two Years

The Gurian Institute

Stacie Bering, MD, and Adie Goldberg, ACSW, MEd

ForEWorD By MIChAEl GurIAn


Copyright © 2009 by The Gurian Institute. All rights reserved.

Published by Jossey-Bass A Wiley Imprint 989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741—www.josseybass.com

no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 united States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 river Street, hoboken, nJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008, or online at www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

readers should be aware that Internet Web sites offered as citations and/or sources for further information may have changed or disappeared between the time this was written and when it is read.

limit of liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. no warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. you should consult with a professional where appropriate. neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

Jossey-Bass books and products are available through most bookstores. To contact Jossey-Bass directly call our Customer Care Department within the u.S. at 800-956-7739, outside the u.S. at 317-572-3986, or fax 317-572-4002.

Jossey-Bass also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books.

All names and circumstances have been changed for the book’s stories.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataBering, Stacie, date. It’s a baby girl! : the unique wonder and special nature of your daughter from pregnancy to two years / Stacie Bering and Adie Goldberg ; foreword by Michael Gurian. — 1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBn 978-0-470-24339-8 (pbk.) 1. Infant girls—Development. 2. Infant girls—Care. 3. Infants—Development. 4. Toddlers—Development. 5. Girls. I. Goldberg, Adie, date. II. Title. III. Title: It is a baby girl. hQ774.B445 2009 305.232082—dc22 2008031670

Printed in the united States of Americafirst edition

PB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1


v

Foreword vii

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: It’s a Baby Girl! 1

1 The Girl Inside You 11

2 Her First Year 31

3 Gazing into the Future: Toddler and Preschool Girls 61

4 A Baby Girl Is a Family Affair! Circles of Support 97

Sources 113

Resources for Parents of Girls 129

The Gurian Institute 135

About the Authors 137

Index 139

Contents


vii

Congratulations! You have a brand new baby girl!

Having a baby girl will change your lives in beautiful ways

that you could not have imagined until now. With your new baby

girl in your arms, your home, your relationships, your day-to-day

existence will flower as they never have before. To have such a

child is to experience ecstatic joy and humbling awe at the miracles

inherent in the universe.

As with every great thing in life, however, having a new baby

girl presents challenges. Before you had your daughter, people may

have smiled, “Life will never be the same!” Now here you are—life

will never be the same . . . and a little help would be nice!

If you have received or picked up this book, you might be

wondering

How does one care for a baby girl in particular?•

What does this young daughter need?•

What are key developmental moments in her life?•

What are accurate expectations for her development?•

How are her needs the same as any child, and yet, also, •

unique to her as an individual girl?

Foreword

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viii Foreword

All of us at the Gurian Institute are devoted to providing science-

based and life-affirming answers to parents’ questions about how to

raise their children. In this book, you’ll find information, wisdom,

stories, and fascinating science about your developing girl.

Dr. Stacie Bering, an obstetrician who specializes in women’s

health and child development, and Adie Goldberg, a clinical social

worker who specializes in early childhood education, have culled

through the best new literature (and best old wisdom) on raising

girls in order to bring you this book. They have also infused this

book with their own personal experience with patients. Between

them, Dr. Bering and Ms. Goldberg have sixty years’ experience in

helping families of young children.

Along with their experience and understanding, Dr. Bering

and Ms. Goldberg are also Certified Gurian Institute Trainers. Thus

they specialize in helping parents understand the individual needs

of girls and boys. Boys and girls are similar, but they are also different.

I hope as you read this book, you’ll be intrigued by how wonderfully

similar and different they are.

Enjoy this book and enjoy your beautiful girl. If you can, share

comments with us on www.gurianinstitute.com. We look forward to

hearing about how your daughter is flourishing. The world needs

her passion and purpose, and I know she will make you proud!

—Michael Gurian, president, the Gurian Institute


From generation to generation.

To Jeffry, Cassie, and Zack,

Emily, Maggie, Chloe, and Robb,

and

the families who have entrusted their stories to us.


xi

Baby girls grow best when there are more than their two loving par-

ents involved in their care. Families thrive in a circle of support.

This is the case when it comes to writing books as well.

Michael Gurian is at the core of the professional circle of this

book. Last summer the phone rang and it was Michael. He said he

had an opportunity. When Michael calls with an opportunity there

is usually growth and a fair bit of work involved. Writing this book

and its companion book for boys was just such an opportunity.

Michael has a passion for making sure that girls, boys, and their

parents are supported and informed as they embark on the par-

enting journey. We cannot begin to thank Michael for the advice,

inspiration, and guidance he has freely given us. His generosity has

not gone unnoticed.

However, vision alone does not sustain the writing of a book.

Alan Rinzler, our editor at Jossey-Bass, assisted by his editorial team

of Carol Hartland, Nana Twumasi, and Donna Cohn, moved us and

the project forward with his editorial expertise. He has been more

than patient with a pair of first-time authors. We have learned much

under his tutelage and we can truly say that we are stronger writers

at the conclusion of this project.

Acknowledgments

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xii Acknowledgments

Over twenty years ago we began working together at Woman-

Health, an OB-GYN clinic. Women came to us to share their con-

cerns, fears, and dreams for and about their children. We offered

advice despite the fact that we were still without children of our

own. Five children later, we are wiser and humbled. We offer a spe-

cial thank-you to the patients of WomanHealth who shared their

lives with us. The staff at WomanHealth were patient with us over

countless lunches. Their good humor sustained us, and their stories

have made us both laugh and cry.

Pam Silverstein was the founding physician of WomanHealth.

Her husband, Steve, and their children, Shayna and Josh, completed

our families’ circle of support. We both cherish their wisdom, love,

and loyalty, especially during this writing process.

Please indulge us for a moment as we acknowledge our own

families, for they have taught us more than all the collected years

of postgraduate education between us. Stacie would like to thank

Jeffry Finer, without whom she would never have known the joy of

parenthood, and her two children, Cassie and Zachary, who, even as

young adults, continue to guide her in this on-the-job training that

is the true nature of being a parent.

Adie would like to thank Robb for his computer knowledge,

patience with the writing process, and his ability to still make her

laugh at the end of the day. To her daughters, Emily and Maggie, who

listened ad nauseam long distance, gave feedback on early drafts,

and asked questions that continue to make their mother think, a

mother’s thank-you and love. A special thank-you to Chloe, who,

as the last of the littermates still at home, was asked to be the most

patient with us as we wrote this book. She served as our memory

bank, reminding us of stories long forgotten.


xiiiAcknowledgments

Our thank-you to each of our readers. You will continue to

teach us and remind us that there is always much to learn.

Stacie Bering, MD

Adie Goldberg, ACSW, MEd


1

Introduction:It’s a Baby Girl!

Congratulations! It’s a girl!

From the moment you found out you were pregnant, the wonder-

ing began. Healthy? Blond or brunette? Musician or scientist? Your fam-

ily’s athleticism or your husband Harold’s sense of humor? Boy or girl?

You and Harold had the name list pared down to three of each.

Your Aunt Tillie predicted a girl from the way you were carrying the

baby and your neighbor confirms the prediction when she noted your

craving for sweets. The next few months and years will reveal the

answers to many of your questions, but the wonders of twenty-first

century medicine have officially ended the gender-guessing game.

The reason you know now is that you are thirty-five years

old. Your doctor ordered an amniocentesis to be performed at week

sixteen of your pregnancy due to “advanced maternal age” (a phrase

most pregnant women detest!). He explains that mothers over the

age of thirty-five are at increased risk for carrying a child with Down

syndrome or other rarer chromosomal abnormalities. At the time of

the amniocentesis you were asked if you want to know the sex of

your baby. At week eighteen, your obstetrician’s office calls with the

results—a chromosomally healthy baby girl!

If you didn’t have an amnio, you might have discovered your

baby’s gender at an eighteen-week ultrasound. With advances in

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it’s a girl! stacie bering, f baby girl! essential information about pregnancy...

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