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Fans of the Week • November Issue 2012

Tricia Salgado-CutlerI am the Co-Owner of Green Apple Ideas. We help people who want to start a business, but don’t know what to do. We have a low-cost class that we offer a step-by-step guide to what you need to run a successful business. Our website is www.greenappleideas.com. Our Facebook page is www.facebook.com/greenappleideas. We help home based entrepreneurs with ideas to market their business and earn a profit while maintaining the freedom of working from home.

Tracie Nichols, M.A.Hey, I won fan of the week! How cool is that? Liz and Tricia asked me to write a blurb about myself to celebrate so I thought I’d share these 2 really, really audacious dreams I have...

Audacious Dream #1: To have every woman and man know the truth of their soul so intimately that they feel like they can LEAP into their dreams and we never, ever have to go without someone’s juicy radiance ever again.

Audacious Dream #2: To have everyone fall head-over-heels in love with the Earth so the voice of the earth (and all nature beings) is considered as important as the voice of humans when making choices and taking actions.

What do you think? Wanna help? I’ve developed the Soul-Truthing sessions to make Dream #1 happen. I post channeled messages from the earth on my blog to help Dream #2 come true. Stop by http://www.tracienichols.com and see how my dreams can help your dreams.

All of us at It’s All About Yes thank you for your wonderful contributions/comments to our page. As you can see, as our way of saying Thank You we have Fans of the Week here in the monthly magazine. Here you are highlighted with your picture, and a chance to say something about you, your business AND have a hot link to your site. Because we have HUNDREDS of readers, look at how many people you can reach with info about YOU.

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Fans of the Week

Contributors

From the Editor...

Neutrality Is Not Just For Switzerland by Cindy Readnower

Give Yourself Without Losing Yourself by Stephanie McDilda

I Am a Reformed People Pleaser by Lori Latimer

Is Neutral Really Bad? by Liz LaClair

Is the People-Pleasing Serving Me? by Leslee Horner

What Are Your Thoughts On Staying Neutral by Kelly Beversdorf

Where Lightning Strikes by Jennifer Shelton

All About YES Interview: All about LESLEE HORNER

Please Like Me… Please I’m Begging You by Mary Joyce

Middle of the Road by Tricia Dycka

You Can’t Be Everything to Everyone by Liz Nonnemacher

We Need To Be Doing This NOW by Tracie Nichols, M.A.

If You Want To Add Unto Your Life You Must First Subtract From Itby Sherrie Williams

Not For the Faint of Heart Humor

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Copyright 2012 It’s All About Yes

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CINDY READNOWER• Cindy has a busy and distinguished life and background. • She has earned her M.B.A. • Over fifteen years with Fortune 500 companies in computer sales and marketing • Former owner of two restaurants • Certified Life Coach • Certified I See Your Dream Job and I See Your Soul Mate Coach • Studied Lightworks Method Energy Healing • Writer, Columnist • Business Consultant Owner, Integrated Mindset and Skinny Leopard Media • Two-time winner of Sarasota’s Favorite Life Coach Award (Nattie Award) • Appearances on radio, local television and Internet television9

contributors

STEPHANIE McDILDA

Stephanie is an expert on unconditional love – for yourself and others. As a speaker, coach, and author, she enjoys working with professional women and corporate leaders. She supports her clients in translating love into a powerful leadership strategy first for themselves, and then for others. Stephanie is warm, approachable, encouraging, and intuitive. She looks forward to connecting with you and learning how she can best support you. You can connect with her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/FlashpointInternational or email her at stephanie@flashpointinternational.com

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LORI LATIMER

Lori is a hand analyst, an intuitive coach, speaker, and certified teacher of The Art Of Feminine Presence. She’s also a mom and grandma to two darling little grandsons. Working as a paralegal in family law for many years and going through her own divorces (yes, more than one!), she saw a pattern in herself and other women who’d been successful in their careers but were missing something in their personal lives. She now loves helping women find joy and passion within themselves so they’re able to find all of that and more in both their personal and business lives – just as she’s done. You can find her

at www.lorilatimer.com.

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KELLY BEVERSDORF

Kelly currently works as an evening receptionist at a for profit college while continuing her studies in the holistic health & metaphysical field. In 2011 Kelly became a certified Usui Reiki Master. She has been studying astrology, intuition development since 2010, and will be pursuing a massage therapy certificate later this year.

In her free time she enjoys walking half-marathons for charity, free lance writing, participating in a local artists community’s annual chalk mural

festival and playing with her nephews. Kelly says: “the best part of working with my reiki clients is that I can help them gain back control over their own lives by gently opening them up to heal their disease on all levels.” Kelly truly believes nothing is more fulfilling than being the facilitator of a Reiki healing session.

You can find Kelly on Twitter: https://twitter.com/kellybeav and Linkedin: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/kelly-beversdorf/2b/230/9a0

LESLEE HORNER

Leslie is an author, blogger, and artist. She is currently working on a Young Adult novel series about a girl who flashes back to previous reincarnations that all have two things in common, true love and death. When Leslee is not writing she’s creating art or spending time with her husband and two young daughters. You can learn more about Leslee at www.lesleehorner.com.

LIZ LaCLAIRI have TWO best parts of my life. I’m thrilled to have found my business calling! I truly enjoy working with my clients – the work I do is fun! Check out how I got past my challenges – learn how I’m taking what was a not so good and making it great. Yes, I write a blog too. I’m a small business entrepreneur who likes working/supporting other small businesses. The other best part of my life? I’m married to the love of my life. He’s very supportive of what I’m doing. Who could ask for more? You can find me at http://www.virtuallyhelps.com/

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JENNIFER L SHELTONJennifer is the founder and administrator of FemCentral, the Virtual Institute for Women, where she also works as an astrologer, intuitive coach and instructor. She teaches undergraduate, online classes in global cultures for Franklin University and works as an education, outreach and training consultant. She’s a writer. She’s a mom. She’s gloriously busy doing the things she loves. You can find Jennifer at www.jenniferlshelton.com

TRICIA DYCKA

Tricia is an Entrepreneur, life enthusiast, author, intuitive, funny, very candid, great listener. Take the path less traveled. Living in the moment. Enjoys massive amounts of chocolate and coffee. Supportive friend who is there for you when everyone else has abandoned you and thinks you have lost your mind. Encourages entrepreneurs to embrace themselves so they can create an environment that supports their dreams. You can find me at www.triciadycka.com

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MARY JOYCEMary Joyce is a life and relationship coach, naturally gifted intuitive, works with the angelic Realm, and Mum to two beautiful young children. She runs a couple of weekly life coaching workshops for women, works with local government agencies in the UK providing trainings in both life and career coaching. She works with women from every background from Entrepreneurs, small business owners to single mothers to help them live a life of Purpose and prosperity. You can find Mary at www.marymjoyce.com.

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LIZ NONNEMBACHER

Liz is the Editor of Wickedly Chic,www.wickedlychic.com, the hottest destination for shoppers seeking advice and product recommendations from the world of independent businesses. Liz’s experience as trend-spotter for her two daughters led her to Wickedly Chic in June of 2006.

She is passionate about independent business and works hard to keep her readers both entertained and informed and to promote the businesses that are marketed within Wickedly Chic.25

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cover image: www.123rf.com/photo_13214195 by jomphong / 123RF Stock Photo

It’s All About YESVOLUME 2ISSUE 11

TRICIA DYCKA

Publisher

LORI PAQUETTE

Editor-In-Chief

LIZ LaCLAIR

Editor

TRACIE NICHOLS, M.A.

Tracie is a change-maker and advocate for women and the earth. She’s the creator of Soul-Truthing—intuitive mentoring, helping women unearth and live their raw soul truth. “I believe it’s all right there – in your heart—and all it takes to ease it to the surface is a little help blowing away the smoke and moving the mirrors. Because you’re flat-out amazing, and we need you.”

Tracie has been developing her intuitive gift for nearly twenty years. She weaves her intuition with her training in Human and Organizational

Transformation helping people make, and stick with, significant life changes. You can find nearly daily practical ideas, insights and inspiration on her website. “Stop by tracienichols.com, grab a cup of tea, settle in and enjoy! I especially enjoy when you share your thoughts by posting comments on blog posts!”

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SHERRIE WILLIAMS

I’m Sherrie, a.k.a. wildfire :) by those who really know me. I was born in Albemarle, NC and raised on a farm in Davidson, NC tending chickens, horses and a crop. Father was a carpenter, blacksmith, photography bug and engineer. Mom is a career Real Estate Professional/Broker/Consultant and Motivational Speaker. I have 4 children ages 16 to 20, two are my fraternal twin girls. I have done many things. The best of them is being the mother of these 4 unique spirits I have

been blessed with. I am an independent location/traveling photographer and have also over the past 20 years been an avid lover of the spoken and written word in all forms. I was a fitness trainer and gym manager at one point. I prefer to nourish now where the true reservoir of strength and wellness comes from and starts, our spirits! You can find me at: http://www.facebook.com/OnlyWildfirePhotography

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FROM THE EDITOR…

Stuck in Neutral?

Yikes! Some crazy woman named “Sandy” is tormenting the area of the world where Tricia lives. (A few others of our group as well) But safely

ensconced here in Michigan, I’m mostly safe. The wind we’re currently getting isn’t anywhere near as bad as the east coast. I mean really, talking about a hurricane AND blizzards at the same time!? All of this becoming ONE storm?! We wish everyone in the path of these storms nothing but prayers and safety.

The last time I did this particular service was May! That issue talked about shiny object syndrome. Now we’re discussing the issue of being neutral/people pleasing.

What does being in neutral mean to you? Does it mean you’re stuck, in a rut and you need direction? Like a car in neutral, you can’t move. Does it mean you can see more than one side of an issue and you’re like a neutral country? Do you stay neutral in the hope of not irritating anyone?

As usual, from our collective group of writers, there is a variety of thoughts/beliefs on this subject. I ask that you kick back, and read on, I’m sure you’ll find something you agree with, or have an a-ha moment.

Enjoy!

Liz LaClair

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Neutrality Is Not Just For Switzerlandby Cindy Readnower

Anything in life requires discernment. Knowing when to fight a battle versus knowing when to bow out gracefully is a skill that takes years to perfect. The younger you are usually the more “certain” you are about your position on an issue. It takes a lot of experience to determine when to fight, when to bite your tongue and when to turn around and not be party to something you disagree with.

However, there is another position that you could take, that of neutrality, and this goes along with the universal law of allowing. When you stay neutral, you allow events to unfold, feel the energy but remain firm in your own views while letting the energy of conflict go on by. Picture yourself being the large boulder on the beach of an ocean. The waves crash around you, the wind and weather beat down on you, but you remain steadfast in your own power and although you don’t budge, you allow all that strong energy to just go on around. Your strength is an example for everyone. You know that the attitude of “this too shall pass” keeps you in the right frame of mind.

Yeah, I know, you’re thinking easier said than done. True, that is where life experience steps in. That is where discernment lets you know just what you can gain and just what you can lose by stepping into a conflict, a battle or an argument. Is it worthwhile to risk alienation, a friend’s hurt, or change a valuable relationship? Is a situation that to “allow” it to continue would be an abomination? These are all very personal decisions but engender consequences. It is a balance between the cost of your actions versus the return. Will you lose more than you stand to gain?

Another element of neutrality is trusting that other people must learn their own lessons and you don’t necessarily have to be the one to teach it to them or make them aware of it. There are some that believe that if you prevent someone from learning something that will benefit them in the long run, then by your action, you take on the “karma” or consequences for them. That doesn’t sound like too much fun! But imagine if a child didn’t learn some of their lessons, the consequences may be that as an adult, they never fit in or just can’t get along with other people or any number of things that may hinder their happy life.

At times, you will absolutely have to move away from neutrality. What if someone is being bullied and you can step in to change or prevent it? What if someone is being hurt and you can stop it? What if a friend’s spouse is cheating on them? What if you need to stand up for yourself and refuse to be treated disrespectfully? These are all questions that each of us will have to answer for our own selves, to decide at what point we move away from center and put in our own two cents. Guilt and shame can be a consequence of not stepping into the fray. Can you live with it? Can you live the rest of your life with no regrets?

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Give Yourself Without Losing Yourselfby Stephanie McDilda

A friend of mine once told me that the answer to virtually every question is… “It depends.” The questions for this month were about staying neutral and trying to please everyone, how important it is to you to have everyone like you and about not ruffling feathers. To those questions, I would have to fall back on my friend’s great advice and say—it depends.

As Oprah would say, there is “one thing I know for sure”, which is that pleasing everyone and having everyone like you is very close to impossible. By nature, humans have a wide variety of differing opinions. Sometimes the desires of some will be in direct opposition to the desires of others, and each group or individual will be 100% sure that they are right. I am also 100% sure that the best way to make yourself miserable is to TRY to make everyone else happy.

I have been known to say– “I actually don’t care much about what other people think.” While there is some truth to that statement, it also requires some explanation. In her book, The Sociopath Next Door, Martha Stout asserts that 1 in 25 people are actually sociopaths who don’t care about others. However, if you do the math, that means that about 96% of us are NOT sociopaths and do care about the feelings of others. I am part of the 96%. Of course I care about others… a lot. I also care about what other people think to the extent that I DO want people to like me and to think highly of me. I’m kind… and giving… and supportive.

However, I do think that when you are insecure it is possible to take that caring to an extreme. People who worry excessively about what other people think are people pleasers. Being a people pleaser is actually a sign of your inability to love yourself… or your fear that if you don’t agree or comply, the other person will reject you.

Even the concept of people pleasing has two faces. I realized several years ago that it made me happy to make other people happy! When I can do this without compromising my values it is truly a joyful experience. However, many people who are insecure become people pleasers when it does not align with their values. They do things other people want, while compromising their own beliefs and sacrificing their own needs. This is NOT a joyful experience. One of the best ways to tell if you are negatively a people pleaser is to judge your energy around the interaction. If it brings you joy and builds you up then it is a valuable and positive experience. If, on the other hand, you feel resentment and it drains your energy then it is a negative experience and you should consider giving up those activities and perhaps even the people who are requiring it of you.

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Love should be unconditional. If your “friends” require that you believe what they believe and do what they want in order to maintain their friendship… it is time to rethink your relationships. You should not have to lose yourself to win the approval of others. Here are some important things to consider before you act…

1. Recognize and accept that it is often NOT possible to make everyone happy.

2. Hear both sides and try to separate facts from opinions. It is said there are three sides to every story… your side, my side, and the truth. If someone is asking you for something, carefully weigh the pros and cons.

3. Fall back to your values and choose your position from there. Listen to your heart and your intuition. I have found that whenever I ignore information from my heart and my Spirit I regret it.

4. State your position with love and then stick with it.

5. If necessary, look for compromises which will result in a “win” for both of you. If a compromise is not possible, you must decide if you will give up what you want for the other person. There is nothing wrong with doing this from time to time. However, if you are always bypassing your needs for the needs of others be aware that this does not foster a loving energy for either of you. Learn to say no.

Another huge “It depends” factor is the nature of the relationship. If the other person is your boss, you may find yourself taking extraordinary measures to be sure that person is “happy”. There is nothing wrong with being smart. My mom used to say “pick your battles”. However, I give you the same advice. If you find that you are constantly losing yourself to make your boss happy – it might be time for you to find another job.

You will find that there are a lot of small and petty people in the world. When I hear that others have spoken about me or judged me poorly because of jealousy, gossip, or my unwillingness to cave in to their demands, then I truly stand by my original statement. I truly care very little about what they think. Remember that whatever they say is more a statement about them than it is about you. Fill your life with people who love you unconditionally through any difference of opinion or conflicting need. I know that in November, some of my closest friends will be voting for the “wrong” candidate. I will still love them when the election is over. Give yourself generously, but not to the point that you compromise or even lose yourself.

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I Am a Reformed People Pleaserby Lori Latimer

Are you a reformed people pleaser? I know I am – and I’m proud of it! I first started people pleasing when I was a little girl, never wanting to disappoint my parents or teachers. And it just grew from there.

So many women in particular are people pleasers by nature. We want to be liked, so we try to please everyone in our lives. And it’s so exhausting! Especially when we start doing it in our businesses.

Your business should not be a popularity contest. It isn’t a beauty pageant. And it isn’t a political election. There are over 7 billion people in the world. Do you really need to try to please them all to be successful in your business? I don’t think so.

The best thing to do is find your passion, your mission, and your message, and then share that. Will everyone agree with it? Will everyone like it? Of course not! But the people that need you and that want to work with you, well, they’re the ones that will like it. And they’ll like you.

Take a look around. The people that build successful businesses, and successful lives, are the ones that take chances. They take risks. They have a mission, a platform. They have advisors and ask for input, but they follow their own instincts. Even in the face of going against what others might think.

Therein lies your greatest challenge. What will you do when someone attacks you? Criticizes you publicly? Is downright rude and condescending to you?

You have choices. You can:

∞ React.

∞ Attack them back. Lower yourself to their level.

Or you can respond. You can:

∞ Address their comments in a polite way.

∞ Agree to disagree. Take the high road.

And then you can move on.

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Because it’s your business, and your life. So you get to decide what you tolerate and what you don’t. You get to set the boundaries.

When someone attacks you, they’re saying a lot more about themselves than they are about you. If you lower yourself to their level and engage in a negative conversation with them, you’re using a lot of energy that could be put to better use somewhere else. And it will have lingering effects on you for days to come.

What I’ve found is that when you build your life and your business with integrity and in an authentic way, there will be people that will be very loyal to you. And they will defend you when you’re attacked.

Intellectually we know we shouldn’t be bothered by those people that are trying to bring us down (often called energy vampires—for very good reason!), but our hearts need time to catch up to that. People will plug you in—there’s no avoiding that. Don’t beat yourself up when you react. Just notice it, but don’t stay in reaction mode. And don’t act out of that space. Decide whether you need to respond, or whether you should just delete a blog comment, delete a Facebook post, unfriend someone from Facebook, or have a private conversation with the person.

Ultimately, you are not responsible for how someone else reacts to you, your business, or your message. And you are not responsible for acquiescing in an effort to have everyone like you. What you are responsible for is standing true to your beliefs and keeping your own integrity in tact. Doing that with dignity and grace, especially in the face of criticism or jealousy or downright meanness, is what will set you apart from so many other people.

Be extraordinary, and you will lift others to be extraordinary in their own extraordinary ways!

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Is Neutral Really Bad?by Liz LaClair

Now there’s a question.

You see I’m one of those people that can be irritating. I don’t mean to be, it just happens. I’m one of those who really can see more than one side to an argument/issue. So, some people think I’m wishy-washy.

I really don’t think so. Seeing more than one side to an argument can be a handy thing. It’s along the lines of walking a mile in someone else’s shoes – without actually having to make the whole trip. I don’t go

to extremes like insisting that up really is down, black is the new white and so on. But on actual issues, I can see different ways of looking for a solution.

I have a tendency to piss people off when I do that. Just because I can view from different angles doesn’t mean that I can’t make up my mind. Besides, it has its positive side. It gets people to discuss a bit more – not so much shouting. Also, it allows me my “evil” side of being a pot stirrer. When I do this, I truly don’t care if people like me – I’m not out to please them. For I truly am trying to stay neutral and let “them” find the conclusion. Find a way to make things work. (short of killing each other – OK extreme description but you get the idea)

No, I’m not out to be an ambassador of any kind. I don’t think that I can solve every issue. I just want to get people thinking and finding working solutions – without all the drama.

Now to go have my lunch. Hmm, should I have a sandwich or leftovers???

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Is the People-Pleasing Serving Me?by Leslee Horner

I am a writer. If I am not actually at my computer writing, you can guarantee I am writing in my head. Nearly every new thought that flits across my brain gets turned into an essay in my mind. I have strong opinions and I write them passionately…on that computer screen in my brain. I don’t actually write or publish most of them. There is a big reason for that.

I am a people pleaser. I fight imaginary battles while avoiding real ones at all cost. I come up with hundreds of great come backs to those Facebook posts that send me over the edge but wouldn’t dare post a one of them. I’m informed enough to hold my own in a good debate, but probably wouldn’t bother to. I’d much rather feel comfortable. I’d really prefer that you like me, even if you’re only liking the person you think I am.

A few years ago, I went to a party, had several drinks and talked with a friend of a friend. Later on I learned that the friend observed that I am always the same. Whether I am happy, upset, or tipsy I always come across as easy going. I took this as a compliment, my chest puffed up a little (though I’m sure no one else noticed), because it meant I was a success at being totally neutral.

As a writer though, concealing your passion behind neutrality doesn’t exactly work. You want people to feel when they read your words. If you’re serious about writing you want them to laugh, cry, and even get so angry they want to punch a hole in the drywall. That’s the hardest part for me. I don’t want to make people angry. I know though that anything written from the heart is going to make some people love you and others hate you. There is not one opinion that everyone agrees with. Success in writing is all about stirring up the waters, making people react.

When I first started putting my writing into the world, I wrote without a censor. When I wrote about a chaotic weekend with my family, someone told me I was selfish and ungrateful. Once I wrote about my spirituality and not believing in the devil and someone told me that my blog posts were the very way the devil was trying to pull her away from God. Another time I wrote about feeling bad about being left off of a guest list to a party, a friend responded by saying she’d only hang out with me if I promised not to write about her. After each of those events I considered just stopping. I almost gave up my passion, my goals, and my dreams because my words had hurt people. I never intended to hurt anyone, I just wanted to express outwardly what I feel within. I wanted to give others something to connect to.

I have found along the way that when I try to stay neutral and not express my real opinions people don’t respond. They don’t respond because they don’t feel anything. I’m currently

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Looking for a bit of encouragement or just a ‘lift’ in your mood? Well, that is where our Facebook page comes in.

Filled with possibilities, our Facebook page is a page that you will want to visit often.

exploring the people pleasing side of myself. I know that I can’t succumb to her forever if I want to make my mark on the world. No one whose dream is to inspire others can stay planted on neutral ground. At some point you have to be willing to risk being comfortable in order to make an impact. Every novel I have written has something controversial in it. My novels include topics such as incest, abortion, reincarnation, and life after death. When they are published there will be people who will hate them. There will be groups that might even seek to ban them. And worse yet, there may be people who will read them and say that I suck as a writer and don’t deserve to be published at all. All of this will happen. It happens every time people get their emotions stirred up. But I’m going to have to accept the inevitable and be willing to go out on the limb for my dreams. People-pleasing just doesn’t serve me here.

PAST ISSUES WHICH MAY INTEREST YOU

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What Are Your Thoughts On Staying Neutralby Kelly Beversdorf

Okay so here is the deal, staying neutral is not healthy for anyone. I think it is virtually impossible for me to do in the long run, especially when it comes to important issues or aspects in life/business. I’ll give you some examples; 1) Standing up for yourself at work when your boundaries are being violated is a must do survival 101 rule to follow. Here is why…if an individual doesn’t respect themselves then no one else will…EVER! Assert yourself, step into your own power and claim it proudly!! 2) Commit to your business’s mission, purposes, and goals…you’re the one who has to go to work, so don’t flip flop around like a beached fish on the shore about it. Stick with what you want to do, don’t be swayed by doubt or other’s opinions. 3) This is your life…YOUR LIFE be who you were meant to be, say what you mean to say, speak your truth, love life your way, love yourself your way as well! Regrets suck the life out of you, when that happens life sucks, who wants to live a sucky life…I hope nobody.

The flip side to being neutral is, well I can’t think of any actually. The only things I can come up with that encourage being neutral as being a positive thing are saying like; “Don’t rock the boat.”, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”, If you have nothing nice to say, than don’t say anything at all.”, “Mind your manners.”, “You don’t want to ruffle any feathers.”, “Don’t start a commotion.”, and bla bla blab la. I grew up in a conservative German Lutheran church/school environment and “Stepping out of line” was seriously frowned upon and punishable by detention. As my peers and I got older we realized all that fear based discipline we were raised on is just that…FEAR BASED!

Some of the most amazing inventions, ideas, and people were created and developed not because of staying neutral, NOPE! Those amazing innovative modern marvels we use every day like the ipad, electricity, indoor plumbing, air planes, cars, air conditioning, cell phones, lap tops, the internet, menstrual cups, massage therapy, acupuncture, sewing machines, jet skis, speed boats, astrology software so I don’t have to do complicated math to read a chart (this might just be an isolated modern marvel of amazing), and blenders for milk shakes… Ok you get my point. If the people who created those things listed above just stayed neutral in fear of rocking the boat, we would all be in the dark sweating our butts off, wearing poorly hand stitched together clothes, while mashing ice cream and milk together in a glass trying to get a lump free milk shake to drink. Get my point?!

If your goal for your business is to make a mark in the world, then I’m here to tell you don’t let fear keep you neutral. I understand you want to make customers happy…I’ve worked in some type of customer service role now for 15 years. I understand customers keep you in business and give you a pay check. The important thing to remember is to take a stand, pick a battle, and make a leap of faith that you will get customers and financial revenue by getting off the preverbal fence, get into your car and take it from neutral into drive.

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Where Lightning Strikesby Jennifer Shelton

Originally published on FemCentral on May 9, 2012

A couple of years ago, I was having frequent and unusual sightings of doe and fawns (beyond my normal, near misses with my car). I headed to my favorite website on nature symbolism and found this meditation:

Just as the deer has an uncanny sense of where to find the green freshness earth provides, we can ask the deer within ourselves to seek out our inner treasures. In meditation or day dream, go on a spiritual hike with the deer. See yourself walking in the woods with the deer leading you into amazing depths within your soul. Each step you and the deer take will lead you deeper into your spiritual knowing, and to limitless treasure within.

The deer (particularly the doe, females) has the capacity for infinite generosity. Their heart rhythms pulse in soft waves of kindness. Match that graciousness by offering your trust to her. She will reward you by leading you to the most powerful spiritual medicine you can fathom.

While in the bath, I closed my eyes, visualized the doe and carefully followed her into the woods. We walked through trees for a while and came to a large, sunny clearing. Suddenly, I felt myself turning into an oak tree! I’ve read about people transmogrifying during meditation; usually, they feel as if they are in another human body. I felt as if I were the tree itself. And, I was no small sapling. I was a fully grown oak, taller than everything around me. The doe curled up at my roots and fell asleep.

I don’t know what I was expecting to happen during this meditation, but turning into a tree came out of nowhere. Like a lightning strike. Which, oak trees are especially susceptible to.

Besides attracting lightning, oak trees are also inflexible. “The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it” Sir Walter Scott.

However, I know that oak trees can live for centuries. (And, the willow, does not!) What the oak lacks in flexibility, it compensates for with strength and size. Which, also…attracts lightning. Interestingly, though, oaks often survive the strikes, having visible scars as a result.

Last month, a highly intuitive friend of mine reached out and said that she had received some guidance about me, and asked if I was interested in hearing it. The message was long but here is a snippet:

“There is no escaping your vibration. It is powerful. It is big. It is potent. It is colorful. It draws people to you; at the same time, it repels others who are not ready, not interested, not aligned, with your message.”

To me, this is the same message that I received when I transmogrified into that oak. Both times, the message came out of nowhere. And both times, it made me uncomfortable.

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I have no trouble being LARGE. Being inflexible (um, I mean, “committed”) is second nature to me. I can withstand wind and rain and hold my ground for centuries if I have to (honestly, I think I’ve had to). But, the lightning—not only “repelling others” but incurring their hostility—this, I do not like. I know that I can’t be a tall oak, drawing people to me without attracting that lightning. No one can do this. There is no leader, no teacher, no one with a firm stand on anything, who is loved by everyone. Taking a stand comes with opposition.

Around the age of eleven, I began hiding in the “shade,” eschewing all attention to avoid any hint of negativity from others. As a result, I stunted my growth for decades. I did my best to hide among the other trees and stay as small as possible. I was miserable. So miserable, that I eventually sought professional help. And, I started to grow again. Growth felt good. I soaked up the rays of the sun and the water that would strengthen me. Before I even realized it, I was UP THERE – a fully grown oak. I guess there’s no hiding me now.

The time has come for me to finally accept this. I am an oak. I am not an orchid, or a Japanese Cherry or a dogwood. I don’t come with pretty, delicate flowers. I am practical. Solid. Sturdy. You can see me from miles away. Some will hang out with me, like the doe who curled up at my roots. Some, will throw bolts. I’ll survive.

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YES: Before we get in to the whys and wherefores, explain to us – just what is Leslee Horner all about?

LH: First off I must say that I don’t exactly fall into the entrepreneur category, but my business is writing (though I dabble in intuitive art). I am a novelist and a blogger. I’ve written 4 novels and am working on my fifth. The last two novels I wrote are a part of a Young Adult series about a 15-year-old girl who begins flashing back to past lives. In the first book of the series she travels back to a life in the Holocaust and uses what she learns about her family in that life to help come to terms with her parents divorce in this one. I have a literary agent for this series and she is currently shopping the book to publishers.

YES: What possessed you to start your business? Why did you become an entrepreneur?

LH: About five years ago I was a stay-at-home-mom looking to the future. I knew I wanted to return to a career once my daughters were school age but realized I did not want to go back to my prior profession as a teacher. I remembered how much joy I used to find in writing and began to do it again. I set writing goals and reached them. When I couldn’t find an agent for my first novel, I wrote another and another until I wrote one worthy of representation and hopefully soon, publication.

YES: Does anyone close to you (family friends) help you with your business? What are their roles? What do they think of the idea of the business?

LH: My husband helps the most by being supportive of my goals. He tolerates the months when I am in the trenches writing something new. I tend to get sucked into the story and have trouble leaving it behind. My wheels are always turning and the characters are always intruding into my daydreams. It is his support that helps the most and reminds me that I don’t have to feel guilty for getting caught up in my creative work.

YES: What’s your favorite thing about being an entrepreneur?

LH: I am really at the beginning of this journey but see myself as a prolific author for the rest of my life. This is my dream career because of the time and the freedom it allows me to set my own schedule, be here for my daughters, and create what I’m moved to create. I want most of all to inspire people as I have been inspired by stories and books that I’ve read.

YES: What types of services/products do you offer?

LH: I have written two adult novels, women’s fiction, that I hope to revisit and publish later on. Currently my goal is to write for young readers. My novel series will be aimed at teens in high

ALL ABOUT YES INTERVIEW:

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school, but I would also like to write a series for middle grades as well. As for blogging, I post on my own website www.lesleehorner.com and am a regular blogger at www.owningpink.com. I occasionally write for FemCentral (www.jenniferlshelton.com). Also on my website you will find some of my artwork, which is for sale. I also do personalized, intuitive art upon request.

YES: What was the one thing that really got you excited – made you glad you started your business?

LH: To be honest, I watched an episode of Oprah that featured The Secret. After learning about the Law of Attraction I realized that I truly could go after these dreams, that it was my thoughts and actions that created my life and I could succeed with the right attitude.

YES: What challenges do/did you face?

LH: I fight every day to stay patient and full of faith in my goals. I have come very far on this path but am still waiting for the publisher to come along.

YES: What recommendations do you give other women who are thinking about starting a business? (or business similar to yours/in your field)

LH: My biggest advice is to take the action. It doesn’t have to be huge, but do one thing everyday that brings you closer to your goals!

YES: What’s your biggest lesson?

LH: The biggest lesson I’ve learned on my journey is to stay the course as long as it feels like your calling. Even when things look bleak, the Universe is conspiring to bring you what you need to make your dreams come true. You just need to do the work and have the faith.

YES: Best question for last – What does success mean to you?

LH: I think success is feeling good about where you are and where you are going. I haven’t accomplished my goals just yet, but I feel very successful. I have done so much more in the past five years than I ever knew I was capable of and that feels wonderful!

ALL ABOUT LESLEE HORNER

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Please Like Me… Please I’m Begging You by Mary Joyce

The old saying goes “If you stand for nothing you’ll fall for anything” I believe it’s all about balance. Think about someone who is too extreme in his or her views and doesn’t take other people’s opinions/ideas on board. They are not exactly someone you want to spend a great deal of time with and I most certainty wouldn’t want to do business with them.

In life you have to make a stand over some issues, choose sides, for or against, it’s the very fabric of life. Life would be dull and grey if we all agreed all the time. I know I’ve purposely played devil’s advocate to liven up a dull discussion.

What about someone who agrees with everything you say or doesn’t have an opinion? It can lead to a lot of eye rolling and frustration.

I know that when I’m in the presence of a people pleaser I feel uncomfortable; it always has that undertone of passive aggressive behavior that feels yucky and insincere. There is a difference between someone who genuinely helps others and those who do it for their own sense of worth or to manipulate.

I believe its manipulation, if you are giving your power over to someone else, holding him or her responsible for how you feel about yourself. I’ve seen it played out many times and experienced it first hand.

I believe everything in life is an exchange of energy. Your presence with someone, is a gift. You give of yourself to them…they receive. They give of themselves to you…you receive. It’s a fair exchange. Everyone feels good. Magic happens and you experience that blissful aah that was nice feeling. That felt good. You want to repeat that experience with that person. Being present and giving over your energy freely isn’t about agreeing about everything. It’s recognizing that your truth is different to other people and that’s OK.

Sometimes you get people who will always choose being right over peace. I had a frenemy like that. She taught me about myself. When I first met her—I felt sorry for her—Alarm bell #1

Lesson #1: I can’t be friends with someone I feel sorry for, it’s not a fair exchange. She was stuck in a perpetual situation where she fell out with people. She was always right in the situation and people were just horrible to her—her words —she’s was innocent. Yeah right.

It always felt uncomfortable being around her—I had to spend the whole time reframing what she said and she had classic people pleasing characteristics with a caustic edge. She always came in with an undercut comment or blow to the stomach BAM nasty… girl.

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Alarm bell #2: When I left the conversation, whether it was in person or on the phone, I turned it all over in my head long after we’d spoken.

Lesson #2: That’s a clear indicator of someone who’s an energy thief. I’d feel exhausted afterward—deep breaths of urgh…

Alarm bell #3: She’d rather commemorate in my sadness than celebrate in my success. She was someone who felt comfortable in misery, it had become natural to her.

Lesson #3: When someone is so unhappy in their own life and they only focus on what’s not working, that’s their stuff to work through as they can only relate at that level and cling on to problems as it’s in their eyes the common ground they share with you.

So how are you showing up in your life? Present and Open or Distant and Closed.

When you turn up and you’re present with someone with no ulterior motive, it feels comfortable, they can relax, let their defenses down, they are more open to your suggestions and will most likely want to do business with you.

We are all experts at picking up the energy of others, even online.

The real lesson then is, if you choose to believe the information you are picking up energetically/intuitively about someone or if you choose to ignore or dismiss it. Your choice will affect the relationship you have with that person and how you feel when you spend time with them.

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Middle of the Roadby Tricia Dycka

As I look back I realize how I have stayed in the middle of the street, staying neutral trying not to offend or cause a problem. Hoping everyone will like, love or want to be around me. I would follow others leads whether or not I believed in where it was going. I was hiding from myself.

You might be asking if I am crazy or why would I do that. The truth of it is I figured navigating life would be a whole lot easier if I choose to stay neutral, to not voice an opinion or take the path that would be messy and adventurous. Because then who would want to be around me? Who would want to be my friend?

I have since realized stepping into your power is all about who you really want to become. What you want to do with your life. Making a decision, taking a stance on how you want your life to be. Standing in the middle of the road is watching life go by without interacting or experiencing it. What fun is that?

Thoughts change, beliefs change, as we experience life more we have several perspectives to see one situation from. I was spending time with my nephews (4 year old and 4 months) it was the funniest scene unfolding as the 4 year old called the 4 month old a gas bag and watching the 4 month old belly laugh. When in the presence of babies they are looking to explore experience and just enjoy themselves. Something we apparently forgot.

This brings me to joy, joy in being honest with your inner self. Standing up and being who you are meant to become, not the hiding or standing in the middle so nobody will be upset with you. I was so discontent with what was happening in my life. I was just getting through my day, always saying I cannot wait to be somewhere else. Sharing my ideas was not cool. Being me was cause for concern. A lot has to do with self esteem and allowing who you truly are to break through the façade of make believe.

As the cracks happened and I stepped out of the costume, life was scary. What if I take a stand on this topic, what if I tell people what is really going on in my head they will think I am nuts? I am so OK with all this today. Back then it was rough as I was emerging from the old way into something new. I am learning who I am every day. Allowing for life to flow as a new way emerges. My gifts become stronger. I no longer worry about standing in the middle of the road or if someone thinks I am nuts.

I will go to my grave, sliding into it, happy, messy and having the adventure of a life time. DO not let your life pass you by wishing you could have or should have. Do it today! Be yourself. Choose not to stand in the middle.

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You Can’t Be Everything to Everyoneby Liz Nonnemacher

I’m not neutral. I would love to be neutral but the problem is this....for a growing business, neutral never works.

When I first started Wickedly Chic nearly 7 years ago, my wise Dad told me that if you think that everyone will be your customer, you will find that no one is your customer. These are

words of pure truth.

If only people figured this out when they first started businesses. Not everyone can be your customer and not everyone should be your customer.

Somewhere during the past 7 years, I also heard this...maybe it was from Seth Godin. The exact words escape me but they point to the fact that if no one ever hates you or talks crap about you, you aren’t working hard enough. Tough to hear, right?

But again, it’s the truth. You are not going to please everyone and if your goal is pleasing everyone, your business will stay perfectly stagnant. If that’s the way you want it, great. If not, growing is going to take some pains.

Everyone has bad clients. Now if your entire business is built with bad clients, you have a problem that needs more fixing than this article can help you with. But the occasional bad client crops up for all of us.

You know the one—no matter what you do, it isn’t going to suit them. And believe me, in every single case that I have dealt with, they are always sabotaging their own business at the same time.

Here’s the deal. Some clients are going to be absolutely wrong for you and you will be the wrong person for them. Don’t tear your hair out if it’s an impossible situation. Let them go. By letting them go, you open up the doors for the right clients to come marching through. And they will. In some cases, clients are abusive. Would you put up with abuse from your own family? Probably not. So don’t put up with it from strangers.

We need to keep our focus on the clients that appreciate our services and concentrate on giving more to them than spending our precious energy trying to chase people who we are never going to work or mesh well with in the first place. Because those clients that appreciate our services are going to be the ones that recommend us to their friends AND they are going to be the ones that make the job of being an entrepreneur a joyful one.

Not everyone will like us and we won’t be right for everyone. Accepting this at the onset of any business will make letting some go and ruffling feathers much easier down the line.

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We Need To Be Doing This NOWby Tracie Nichols, M.A.

Writing this article, I discovered that I have some truly strange and very unconscious beliefs about speaking out for what you believe. (Yikes!)

For example, I unconsciously expect folks taking a stand to have one viewpoint to the exclusion of any other idea or possibility. To be rigid and uncompromising. I expect to dislike and distrust them. I expect these people to mostly be white, middle-aged, male, and dictator-like. (really strange!) I expect them to not understand me, my experience, or what’s important to me. Basically, I expect them to be big-mouthed assholes shoving their beliefs down my throat.

Ewww.

No wonder I balk at taking a stand. No wonder I resist planting my staff and claiming a viewpoint. Why would I want to become an obnoxious, untrustworthy, dictator-like jerk?

Of course, authentic truth speaking is nothing like that.

Taking a stand doesn’t mean I need to knock someone else over. Speaking my opinion doesn’t mean I need to stop hearing what everyone else is saying. Neither action means that I can’t keep my mind and heart open, or that I am unwilling to shift my stance based on new information.

Authentic truth speaking comes from an open heart and invites conversation, disagreement, differing viewpoints. Taking a stand authentically invites people to know you, and opens the door for you to know them.

Speaking your heart opens the way to trust.

Good girl? Or someone to trust.

Most of us got the “good girl” training. We were taught to hang with people with whom we agree. Challenging conversations were not encouraged. Real dialog that includes disagreement and confusion wasn’t a skill most of us learned. Don’t rock the boat. Stay silent.

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When we really do have an opinion but choose a carefully silent neutrality it’s like there’s a neon sign blinking “inauthentic” over our heads. Even if we think we’re doing it to keep the peace or so we don’t offend anyone.

People can just feel when neutrality is a farce. Who wants to buy from, work with, have relationships with someone we don’t trust?

When we don’t rock the boat, sure things may stay the same. But, is that what we really want? Aren’t we in this to make a difference?

“There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” Margaret J. Wheatley

Finding an authentic way to take a stand feels really urgent.

At the risk of taking a strong stance of my own, I don’t think we can hang around in the neutral zone any longer. There are conversations to be had. Change to make. There are daughters and nieces and all manner of young women and men to mentor into raising their full, strong voices, starting conversations, finding ways to trust.

In her book, Turning to One Another, Margaret Wheatley quotes a Buddhist teacher she once met. He says, “It’s our turn to help the world.”

Well, yes, it is. We need to speak our minds and hearts authentically. We need to invite conversation. We need to get to know and trust each other. We need to be doing this NOW.

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If You Want To Add Unto Your Life You Must First Subtract From Itby Sherrie Williams

I have reached a point in my life, again, where I feel that sometimes people just have too much. Always cleaning this, fixing that, buying, saving, doing, coming, going and in general spending a lot of time, way too much money and way too much of themselves, on things that really just add up to nothing. The more you have, the less you have, and it never ceases to amaze me the people who just don’t get this. If I have to explain it you, you are one of those people.

I thank every day those people who through their ignorance of the stuff of life, plodding around like lost people in a jungle of their own making, for reminding me exactly why I want to spend the last half of my life experiencing the world instead of trying to own bits and pieces of it. As if any of us actually truly own anything. That is the grand farce of it all. We all share this place, our bodies are our vessels to treasure while we have them, and no one can take anything from you if you own nothing! What you have left is what truly is yours, your right to pursue living in the happiest form possible. Not treat life like an excavation, mowing down and tearing up everything that you perceive is in your way or not as it should be.

Close your eyes. For once in your life, maybe not the first time, I want to reach into that deepest part of you that only you go when you are at your happiest or you’re most distressed. What do you feel, see? Is it this ancient, intangible almost overwhelming sense of being, of life at its basest? Grab that feeling, that sense of true existence in the most honest way. This feeling is pure, simple, and real and even in the depths of the worst pain, it will be when you understand and truly grasp what you are in the most surreal sense. Hold onto this the most pure of moments. It will be the light that will lead you through the darkness and away from the visceral things of this world.

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People remind me of cattle sometimes, being led to the slaughter. They are just following the ignorant misguided fool in front of them, and he is doing the exact same thing and so on. Zipping back and forth every day, their day has a beginning and end they can see, but what about their existence? Take the blinders off and let the things that distract you, distract you from your tunnel vision. Going off the course and losing your direction is exactly what you need to do sometimes. Get rid of the clutter in your life, your home and yourself. Take out the garbage

Quit straightening your towels, dusting your books, cleaning your windows, fretting over what your dinner guests will think if everything isn’t perfect. So what if don’t have the new TV, or you have the older cell phone, or you don’t have the greenest lawn. Do you for a second think, in the moment you draw your last breath, any of this will be solace to you? Will your last breath leave your body with your mind wrapped around a life well lived. The more you do the less you get done. The more you own, the more you are owned. The more you have, the less you possess. The more you stay in motion, the less you actually move forward. The more you worry about love, the less you can appreciate it. The more you want, the less you will receive.

I know when I part with this life it will not have been a life of meaningless business, a life of unending worries and constant vigilance over every peaceful moment for fear of the next storm. I will live in the here and now, because I know that this is not all there is. This is the beginning of something that never really ends, and I want to experience every moment of it. Living and experiencing are two different things. Before the living comes to an end, experience the act of living. Let go of the things that bind you and hold onto you. Be truly free. We have all become prisoners here and we are our own jailor. Throw open the bars. Step outside the walls built from all of your things and let the sun shine down upon you. I will take this to an extreme few will understand or ever do in my latter years, but to just do this in the smallest ways, in your every day, will give you a taste of sweet freedom. Die in the freedom you were born into, it is there, inside of you.

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Not For the Faint of Heart Humor

I want to say here at the beginning, this is written in the language the man used in writing to Amazon about his purchase. Keep in mind, spouses can go to unusual lengths to please their mates.

Real review from Amazon for Veet hair removal for men

“After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’ birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

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Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my ****. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably (and hopefully) the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, **** in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my **** while muttering...” Ooooh that feels good”. Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream, and, as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect.”