VOLUME VIII, ISSUE 1 January 20, 2011IF WE AIMED FOR SUCCESS, WE WOULDN’T BE DOING THIS

Socially Incorrect Answers! Page 2Palin on The People! Page 3

Turkey Theatrics! Page 3Brandeis Website Hacked! Page 4

Today: Snow, rain, sleet, hail.Tomorrow Night: Sky lit by gigantic burnt offering of weathermen.

TheBlowfish

Inside This Issue

JOKE OF THE WEEK:Q: What do you call a guy who’s born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati? A: Dead!

NOTE FROM THE EDITORS:

Questions? Comments? Email us at blowfish@brandeis.edu!

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS:

FINANCIAL NEWS:

RAP LYRIC BREAKTHROUGH:

LITERATURE NEWS:

CAMPUS NEWS:

Regis Philbin retires from drinking cof-fee on television: “It was too hot.”

Page 7 AM

Brandeis Students Win Fashion AwardPage 32

Publishing company takes offensive term “Uncle Tom” out of popular novel ’s CabinPages 1-322

Akon describes girl respectfully.

Page Tryin’

BY DANIEL PIPESStaff Writer

TODAY’S WEATHER

FML Craves AcceptanceAcronym society encounters budget shortagePage O.H. N.O.

If you are a midyear, don’t listen to any advice offered by the Hoot and Justice. They get paid a commission on each one of you they can kill off before the housing lottery.

As President Fred Lawrence takes office this semester, it has become increasingly apparent that he is dy-ing for the acceptance of the student

body. When the first wave of campus invites were sent out by those friends that you only hear from when they’re pimp-ing their club’s next coffeehouse, one couldn’t help but no-tice that FML had invited himself to every party on campus. In addition to his position as guest DJ at the “Battle of the DJs” competition, Lawrence has asked to be the snitch in the upcoming Quidditch match, have a cameo appearance in every performance of the upcoming Liquid Latex show and offer his services to anyone who needs a cool Celeb Shot in beer pong. We sent a Blowfish reporter to the president’s of-fice hours (“just hop in anytime dude!”) to ask him about his shameless pandering. When our reporter entered Lawrence’s office he found the president feverishly texting behind his desk. “Hey man, sorry, I was just texting a bud on my sweet new RAZR, whaddya think? Hey, why don’t you give me your digits too. I hear there’s all sorts of stuff happening during ‘the rush-ing weeks.’ Is that what they’re called?” After some awkward conversation about who should be voted off “Jersey Shore,”

the president got down to business. “I’m glad you’re writing an article about my DJ gig, I want to make this party off the chain! Reinharz was so lame with his response to Pachanga; I don’t care if you guys get a little crazy. Hell, I’m planning on spreading some E around the dance floor just to get this party rolling. If it takes a little Excedrin to get you kids into the music, what do I care if you guys ride the white dragon?” Before our reporter could explain the difference between pain killers and amphetamines, Lawrence began talking about his music selection. “I’ve been studying the Billboard Hot 100 all morning to see what’s big right now. Tell your friends not to worry, MC Prez Fred will have his playlist filled with plenty of Susan Boyle, Justin Bieber and Josh Groban.” As the two men parted ways Lawrence gave our reporter an ear-nest glare. “I’m going to be honest man ... I’m nervous. I want you kids to like me, I can’t handle the shame of a negative blog post or a critical op-ed piece. Talk to your friends, tell them I’m hip. I’ll shutter my shades, I’ll wear grill teeth. Just give me a shot!” Our reporter left Lawrence’s office with a sense of unease and mild nausea. He told us that it was im-perative to spread this message: we must accept Lawrence into our hearts, for his safety as well as our own.

BY ROBOCOP JONESJust a Fan

I feel like I know less and less people at the New Year’s party every year.

Golden Showers of Righteous Anger

Members of the nineteenth-century Free Silver move-ment teamed up with rep-

resentatives of the Flat Earth Society to protest this year’s Golden Globes awards ceremo-ny. The crux of the conflict lay upon the golden spherical award given to the finest actors of film and television, whose shape is despised by one protesting group and material by the other. “It is not the fabulous acting of artists like Christian Bale and Natalie Portman that we con-demn, but rather the insistence upon an award not freely mint-able by the people,” said William Jennings Bryan, Democratic Party Presidential Candidate in 1896, 1900 and 1908. “You shall not crucify mankind upon a globe of gold.” Samuel Shenton, which is actually the name of the person who founded the Flat Earth So-ciety in 1956, picketed the red carpet event by holding up signs with maps on them. “The Earth has no curves,” Shenton de-clared, pointing to the maps, “al-though the same cannot be said of Halle Berry. “Look at that dress,” Shenton added. “Wow.” The Golden Globes’ host, Ricky Gervais, expressed his

annoyance at the disruption, which caused several fright-ened Hollywood stars to skip the awards ceremony rather than brave a red carpet beset by protesters. “Something in a British accent,” Gervais told The Blowfish in an exclu-

sive interview. “Something else in a British accent.” Bryan remarked on the strange coalition’s character, calling it a fate-ful intersection of purpose. “Origi-nally, it did not behoove me to ally myself with a man such as Mr. Shen-ton, which is the actual last name of the man who founded the Flat Earth Society in 1956,” Bryan declared. “The humblest citizen in all the land, however, when clad in the armor of a righteous cause is stronger than all the whole hosts of bullshit facts they use to back it up.” His speech was rousing enough to make Hugh Lau-rie throw his prop cane from “House” into the air in a fit of 1800s political excitement. Ultimately, however, the protests were less successful than even the Ku Klux Klan’s, who also attended the Golden Globes en masse to protest “Black Swan.” “It’s obvious why they aren’t get-ting any attention,” Gervais observed. “They simply have no fashion sense. White does not look good on the red carpets, their dresses are all too long and those hats! What were they think-

ing with those hats?”

Halle Berry is an allegory for how attractive we find equivalency between the value of

silver bullion and the value of silver-minted currency.

New President Goes to Absurd Lengths for Approval of Student Body

Anti-Gold Standard Supporters, Flat Earth Society Jointly Protest Golden Globes

YO, GET THIS:The Blowfish is not a real newspaper, and as such contains completely fic-tional articles. No articles or quotes are truthful by any means and should not be conceived as such. All photos courtesy of the Internet (public domain) and staff.

PAGE 2- OPINION

Photo Poll:What are you doing on Groundhog Day?

“Probably nothing” -Bill Murray

“Why’re you asking me? Oh yea, I bet we all look the same to you, don’t we?!?” -Sonic the Hedgehog

“Probably noth--oh shit, not again!” -Bill Murray

“Probably staying in.” -Groundhog

“I usually use ground beef, so probably nothing different.” -Hamburger Salesman

“Telling my joke about the pig with no legs.” -Your Uncle

Alex Norris Jesse Appell

Abbie KaganDaniel Tassone

Editors

Yael KatzwerBen Swartz (AWOL)

Gordy StillmanSimon Cramer

Elly KalfusStacy HandlerPaul GaleAudrey Stout

Staff

Thank You For Reading Do you want to join something important?

BlowScopesYour guide to shunning all logic and turning to the stars...

Aquarius: January 20 - Feb-ruary 18 - Trust the man with the monacle, steer clear of the man with the eyepatch, and make love to the man with the monacle over the eyepatch.

Pisces: February 19 - March 19 - 3x^2 = 24x + 72. Solve for X.

Aries: March 20 - April 20 - Cut the green wire, but not before you’ve checked if cutting the blue wire and the red wire works.

Taurus: April 21 - May 21 - Bathing in a pool of bleach may not help your complexion, but it will help your complexes.

Gemini: May 22 - June 21 - You will find Jason Schmidt’s lost blue jacket. Return it to him, but not before using it for other, nefarious purposes.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 - Burn bridges this week, burn witches the next, and grow side-burns the week after that.

Leo: July 23 - August 23 - Buy Rosetta Stone and teach your-self Chinese. It might come in handy after you get kidnapped.

Virgo: August 24 - September 23 - Don’t be afraid to try some-thing new. Unless you have al-lergies. Then be afraid, be very afraid!

Libra: September 24 - Octo-ber 23 - To be fair, any disease sounds worse when you add the word “genital” in front of it.

Scorpio: October 24 - No-vember 22 - Check the inside of your cereal box because you have been left a special surprise.

Capricorn: December 22 - January 19 - Do not make a wish at 11:11. You will be wast-ing your time.

Sagittarius: November 23 - December 21 - You’ll graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, lose your job, lose your spouse, lose your kids, get a new job, get a new spouse, take a pass on kids this time, retire, and be lying on your deathbed when you realize that back in college, you left the oven on!

Dear Editor, Thank you for the very personal question about my vacation. I was touched by your interest of yearning to learn more about what I did during the break when I randomly asked you over the bathroom stall if you had any toilet paper. You said “Oh hey, sure. What’d you do over break?” I knew then that even though we usually just smile and say “hi” when passing one another as I wait in front of the sinks for you to finish occupying my favorite latrine, you were a really genuine person and I appreciated that. There are not as many people as I thought there would be asking about the specific details of my four weeks outside of Brandeis and that just goes to show what a superior person you are. You are, in so many ways, the embodiment of social justice and an asset to the group of people who know about all the activities I participated in during the past few weeks. To start, I slept a lot. I like totally needed to catch up on sleep because I had like a ridiculous amount of work during finals week. One day I went to sleep at 8:30 and then I woke up at noon the next day. That was like sixteen and a half hours of awesome! Then, a different day, I saw some of my high school friends. We went out for pizza, because I’m from New York, and really I was craving real pizza, as in, not from Sherman. Also, we all exchanged stories from our semesters. Supposedly, my friend’s friend from camp who now goes to the University of Rhode Island joined a frat, and they had this party called “Take Me To The Candy Shop.” Don’t you wish there were parties like that here? Anyway, I was really missing my friends at Brandeis. Since I’ve started college, and after I got my nose done, I just feel less connected to my home friends because we’ve really just decided to go on dif-ferent paths in life. Like now I’m into making friends with all the people I meet at school, like in the bathroom, and they have friends in frats. So for most of the rest of my vacation, I had a Hugh Grant/Bollywood movie marathon with my goldendoodle, Sam. It was just what I needed to reboot for this new semester! I ate pizza rolls (with organic goat cheese filling) and really chilled out. Then I went to my grandparents wedding anniversary party at their retirement community center in New Jersey. I obviously got shwasted there with my second cousins at the kid’s table. And then finally, I took the bus back to school. Of course, these are just a sampling of the highlights of the past few weeks during which we haven’t talked to each other at all. I know, I know, you probably think I am super rude for not reciprocally asking what you did over vacation. Except, now that I am looking, I notice your feet are no longer hanging on the other side of the wall. I guess I’ll crawl under stall to get that toilet paper.Sincerely,Doesn’t Understand Social Cues

Letters from Bathroom Users

Good Luck with that. But we’re Recruiting too! Come

to the Blowfish Brain-storming meeting Tuesday

january 25 at 8 pm in the BMC: We want you if you can Write, Edit, Pho-toshop, make Websites, or anything else you think is

fun or funny!

The New One - You will find yourself unsure of your new per-sonality type, and reasonably sure that this stuff is all crap.

The Blowfish Receives News About Break

Calling All Turkeys

NEWS- PAGE 3

It is a sad day for America when a small-town mother of five from Wasilla has to publish her letters to the people of this great na-tion in a university newspaper. A moth-er of two may be a mother of two, but she still eats for one! But because of my message today, and the content of my message, my mes-sage of today, I feel as though it makes sense for me to pub-lish my words in the second most popular publication in a university that was named after the first Jewish man in America. And so, with a heavy heart as heavy as a bucket of worms left

BY SARAH PALINRootin’ Tootin’ Go Gettin’ Firebrand

What am I, a Jew or somethin’?

New Years Resolution Club Quickly Fades

Last semester, just before the end of the term, a new club was formed here at

Brandeis by a group of students who were fed up with unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions. Their char-tered support group, known as the Resolution Execu-tion Committee to Uphold Morality (RECtUM), met once before break began. “Well, it’s just really hard to stick to your resolu-tions without peer support,” said the group’s founder and president, Rebecca Ozenda, while setting up for the club’s second meeting. “So, I started this group so that everyone who wanted to could come up with a resolution and find the support they need. We are all really just looking for the same thing: someone to nag us interminably to do what we promised to do because everyone knows that’s the best way to stay motivated.” When Ozenda held her first meeting, she was thrilled to see such a large turnout. Nearly 100 people were there to custom design their New Year’s reso-

BY COACH STEVEDoesn’t Put Winning First

We’re looking for this, but reversed.

We all see you around campus, on the roof of Pearlman, flocking outside Rabb, creeping out-side our Village A windows, sledding down the hill by Sachar Woods and, of course, in our Usdan

sandwiches. Finally, we need you for more than just your gobble gobble! You will be serving a higher purpose. No, we will actually not be using your gizzards for sacramental purposes, not yet at least. The Massell Pond Theater Group will, however, be putting on its quadrennial Spring production!

You now have the opportunity to play ducks in the upcoming pro-duction of The Massell Pond Prin-cess. All of you young turkesses are seeking the same role, I imag-ine. Yes, that’s right, you all want to be the duck princess. Well, sorry to break it to you, but this production will not be sponsored by the Animal Appreciation Club and there will not be an audition for Happy Feet or a flippin’ pen-guin party. Before you audition, you should know that the Duck Princess has two personalities: the Golden Duck and the Chocolate Duck. The Golden duck is innocent, sweet and precious in every way. To act as the golden duck will re-quire perfect stalking skills, you know like following in a flock?

But the Chocolate Duck, on the other webbed foot, will have to quack, chase dogs and poop all around campus, especially on Rabb steps. The Chocolate Duck is bold, unique, bad to the bone. Some of you could easily pass as Golden Ducks, given your sweet complexion, subtle features and graceful waddle. But can you be both?

BY RODNEY ARMSMITHSleep Drinker

A Celebration of the Wild Bird in All of Us

This is the second cross in this issue. Convert.

A Missive from a Former Alaskan Governor

Many Members Miss Meetings Because “I Had a Thing.”

out overnight on the pier of an ice-cold wharf and a fresh team of legal ad-visers, I will write to you a careful defense of my original defense of my campaign rhetoric. Many of the extreme liberal leftists have been so certain of my be-ing guilty in creating a culture of violence that they have manufactured a blood libel against me. Now doesn’t that just pickle a cactus? I am drawing hate from all directions of the lib-eral media. As they try to drown out my cry of jus-tice with their big hippie

megaphones, all I can ask is: What am I, a Jew? I feel like the students of Brandeis, especially the Jewish ones, really know what I’m thinkin’

here. The charge that I have polluted the national discourse is just like the charge that my people, the Christians, used to direct at Jews when we accused them of polluting our wells. I feel like the reactions to this have been eerily similar. It must have been so embarrassing for you guys when that happened. The drive to incriminate me instead of going after targets on the fringe right is also, I think, understandable to your people. After all, during the Crusades, many went after Jews instead of the faraway Muslims in Jerusa-lem. You must have felt just as hurt as I do now. I feel like I really don’t deserve this kind of treatment. This isn’t my first rodeo, and it’s not the first time I’ve wrangled a steer with a loop of twine. It’s easy enough for you guys to handle it. After all, you knew what you were getting into when you killed Jesus and published the Pro-tocols of the Elders of Zion and stuff. But I’ve just been doing what I’m doing and tryin’ to be a good mom and a good role model. It just doesn’t seem fair, y’know?

lutions. They organized themselves into special-ized sub-committees, namely the losing-weight group, the quitting-alcoholics group, the doing-schoolwork group and the stop-poisoning-my-neighbors’-pets group. Ozenda, a part of the call-my-mom-every-day group, was dismayed, however, when no one showed up to the second meeting. She waited the entire hour and was in near hysterics by the end. “They’re all probably really busy keeping up with their resolutions,” she reasoned. Treasurer Alex Marco admitted to The Blow-fish, however, that he ditched the second meeting. “You see, I was a part of the quitting-alcoholics group and I, like everyone else in my group, had some problems. I really wanted to quit—I did! I was drinking way too much: a FourLoko every morning to get me going, an Irish coffee every afternoon to keep me going and 25 beers every night to stop me. But, when it became the new year, I had some champagne to celebrate. Did

you know champagne is alcohol; it isn’t just fancy soda. You can’t unring a bell. I’m out!” Vice-president Alicia Macafee also apolo-gized for missing the meeting. Part of the losing-weight group, Macafee revealed with chagrin, “Not only did I not lose any weight, I gained 10 pounds.” Shrugging, she pulled some candy out of her pocket and, with a mouth full of chocolate, she said, “You can’t unring a bell.” Apparently everyone in the club has already broken their resolutions. The three people in the stop-poisoning-my-neighbors’-pets group have already killed two dogs, four ferrets, a snake and a goldfish. Rather than keeping each other in line, they merely found people with a similar hobby and, upon swapping stories, stepped up their game. Ozenda, however, is determined to keep her resolution. Crying in an empty room during the club’s third meeting, she said, “I’m so upset right now. I need to call my mommy and tell her about this.”

This Will Be My Final Letter

Dear Brandeis, I’ve decided to study abroad. Don’t get me wrong, you’re great. Really. And I want you to know that it’s not you, it’s me. Well, it’s sort of you. Remember when we first got together? There was so much excitement. You introduced me to so many new people and ideas. You taught me about paradigm shifts, gender consciousness, the basic princi-ples of thermodynamics and how to conjugate verbs in the Spanish subjective. Where did the magic go? I think it began to slip away somewhere in the middle of sophomore year. The things that used to make me so happy just became rou-tine. Even the food at Sherman tasted bland. East was dingy. I needed a break. We had a great run and it was definitely fun. I just feel like we’re in very different places right now, like a great ocean divides us, an ocean of water, and waves. I have a new interest in my life now. You remember London from his-tory class, right? Yeah, well, things with London are going really well. At first I thought London was all talk, but then I found out about Big Ben, and I swal-lowed my doubts, among other things. Driving on the other side of the street feels so good and so right, I may never go back to driving on the right side, but I will always treasure our time together. I can never forget times we went to the movies in Olin-Sang, walked hand-in-hand up the Rabb steps, and all those long nights spent in the Peace Room and the baseball field and the Rose Art Museum. Oh, and that time in the woods be-hind the library! Never will I regret the unbelievable moments we shared while studying intimately in the SCC, dining at The Stein and fighting crime on South Street. I promise to keep our memories alive.

Stay classy,Margaret LabradorLondon study abroad student

I Wasn’t Planning to End it This Way

PAGE 4- P.S.

Soulutions to “That’s It, We’re Done”

Across Clues1. Zebra feature7. Marine deposits13. Diatoms20. Hardy’s partner21. “Lawrence of ___”22. Majestic entrance23. Stick like glue24. Manually (2 wds.)25. Fighter26. Pub27. Inner: Prefix29. A-line line31. Proof letters32. Headliner33. Made a Mona Lisa, say36. Bearded animal40. ___-Hawley Tariff Act of 193043. Long (for)45. Carpet store purchases (2 wds.)48. Start of quote by March 17th honoree*52. Norway’s largest city53. “___ like to say...” (3 wds.)54. Birdbrain55. Angkor ___ (Cambodian temple)

56. Dept. with a class in im-prov57. While-___; repair shop sign (2 wds.)58. “Sweet” river of song59. Go by60. Romantic sights62. Building beams63. Majority Muslim in Iran65. Middle of quote*69. “The Tempest” king71. Troublesome72. Low point (2 wds.)75. Taunt76. “___ used expression”; trite (2wds.)77. Fred Astaire’s sister79. Hot time in Haiti80. “2001” computer81. Swing to ___ (2 wds.)83. ‘___ bleach,’ laundry warning (2 wds.)84. Tabula ___85. End of quote*89. Not as tidy90. “___ remind you?” (2 wds.)91. “Borstal Boy” author92. Fill-in93. Companions of greeters96. Iced drinks98. Gonorrhea, e.g.: Abbr.101. Pivot around a pole102. Blue hue103. Grey Cup org.106. Isaac’s father

110. Monstrous113. 1652, to Sextus115. Kitchen gadgets116. “Faust” author117. Eternal118. Domesticates119. Ingratiate120. Condescending

Down Clues 1. Concrete section2. “Presto!”3. German industrial religion4. Anger5. Italian jewelry designer Elsa6. Ms. Verdugo7. Baja resort, familiarly8. Suffix with access9. “Go team!”10. Degrading11. Flax fabric12. 1978 Peace Nobelist13. Black bird14. Mideast hot spot15. 4,840 square yards16. School yr. following secnd. (2 wds.)17. Fed. WWII agcy.18. “Little Red Book” author19. Leb. neighbor28. Type of markers for whiteboards (2 wds.)30. Hamburger throw (2 wds.)32. Aria, e.g.33. Big name in brewing34. “Whoever you ___ love you” (2 wds.)35. Swamp37. Something many mortals wish they could do (2 wds.)38. Horrified39. ___ fly40. Blackens, in a way41. Dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy in ‘Mulan’42. “Pirates of the Carib-bean” star (2 wds.)44. Actor Morales46. Nature&Ambiance Or-gantization: Abbr.47. Picnic pest49. Promise you make your second time at the altar? (2 wds.)50. “A date which will live in ___”- FDR51. Saltpeter57. One-eighties58. Cancel59. One way to be tickled61. Rational62. Winter mist (2 wds.)63. Winter Olympics event64. Roll call response

66. Camp sights67. Bee else b, say (3 wds.)68. It’s a secret for some super-heroes 69. Horrified70. Subject to legal damages73. Between ports (2 wds.)74. Be lovesick76. Leigh Hunt’s “About Ben ___”77. Contents of some urns78. Out of juice81. Biochemical energy source: Abbr.82. Atomic Daner Enterprise: Abbr.83. Gluttonous exchange stu-dent on “The Simpsons”84. Hwys.86. Swedish city nearStockholm87. Showed contempt88. Leave in the lurch94. Funeral oration95. “You don’t ___ Superman’s cape” (2 wds.)97. Chair designer Charles99. Not us100. Be bold102. “Moonstruck” actress103. Female sex organ, slangily104. Italian car105. Streaked106. Mimic107. London’s Big ___108. Like many senior citizens109. Submissions to eds.111. Manhattan suffix112. ___ Na Na114. High Navy title: Abbr.

If You’ve Got a DreamRemembering those that matter to us, even though they died. A long time ago.

Hackers Target Brandeis WebsiteWikileaks-Related Vandalism Increases User-Friendliness

Like any other insti-tution, Brandeis is susceptible to gov-

ernmental pressure. Since our beloved campus has been determined by the government to be the most likely origin of angry, Wikileaks related blog posts, Fred Lawrence has succumbed to calls to block the organization’s website on campus. Tens of students trying to access the site were turned away and imme-diately arrested under FML’s emergency War Pow-ers Act. But the forces of shakily-reasoned libertarianism were not without their say. The hacker group Anony-mous, its membership tearing itself away from ador-able pictures of cats or whatever it is kids look at on the Internet, shut the Brandeis website down for nearly half an hour Wednesday night. Those who tried to access the website were instead greeted with a picture of a giant pirate ship and a long slogan that looked like it was plagiarized from Team Rocket. Since the incident, feedback has come flooding in from the student body, much of it positive. Michael Povich ’12 said, “I really feel like the new interface has signifi-cantly improved the usability of the Brandeis website. Before, when I was trying to find a campus map, I had to go into the students section, then click through to the fac-

ulty list, speak the true name of one of the faculty members, and they would guide me the rest of the way. If I tried a search for ‘academic calendar,’ I’d get a bunch of old Justice articles on how difficult it is to find an academic calendar. It’s really nice to go to the site and know for sure that I simply won’t find any of these things.” Irene Rosen ’14 agreed, saying, “Rather than be greeted with news about alumni I don’t care about or naked pictures of FML, it’s nice just to see a pirate ship. Pirates are so much better than ninjas, anyway.” Our dutiful interviewer laughed at this extension of a meme which should have died long ago, but it secretly made her want to die. Members of Anonymous, who also think that pirates versus ninjas is still a funny idea, heralded

their successes in a post on Encyclopedia Dramatica. The entry, titled “deisFail,” in-cluded a small dose of clever satire mixed with unnecessary dick jokes, tired minority stereotypes and neon banners of flashing porn ads. While most readers just rolled their eyes at the website’s attempt at shock humor, its writers felt satisfied that most of the jokes would have been considered offensive by their parents. Now that an ED entry has been created, the Anonymous code of mythmaking dictates that a rage comic illustration of the events may be created and entered into the 4Chan Canon forever.

Well, that’s just rude.

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B U C C A L M A L T E D S C O W B O Y

A L L O R I A B L E B E E O R I E N T

N E U R O N L O O K S A T L E T S G O

B O O K I N G Y O U R F L I G H T

B E S T M E N D A N J O U A R O O

O V O D J E D E R N I E F O R D

B A D S H U T D O W N S A S S A N T E

P A C K I N G U P Y O U R T H I N G S

H A J J P A D A E T A

F O O L O R N O T D B L A R B O R S

E N D O F S E M E S T E R P A R T Y I N G

M O D E L T S P E E D D H L A R A T

Y E A K Q A O L S A T

S A Y I N G Y O U R F A R E W E L L S

T O R O N T O C O P F E L L E R A K A

C Y R U S S U I T I S U E T I P

U S O A T O A M A N I T S B E S T

W R I T I N G Y O U R P A P E R S

L I K E S O I R O L L E D E L O H I M

A M E N T S Z A P E L S A A L C O V E

W A Y T O O E M E R I E S S E A W A R

BY ARNIE CHIPPERMorbid