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Course by Community Christian Church ( www.communitychristian.org),a member of the NewThing Network ( www.newthing.org)

Jesus as Your Mentor

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Click on the study title you’d like to see:

Study 1: Learn to Live for Eternity

Leader’s Guide — Participant’s Guide

Study 2: LEARN TO BE A FRIEND


Study 3: LEARN TO BE A LOVER


Study 4: Learn to Lead


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LEADER’S GUIDE FOR S TUDY 1

Learn to Live for Eternity Jesus models how to live for eternal values.

For our lives to be the best they can be, we need to see beyond the confines of this life. God and only God can give you a life that never ends and has apurpose that extends beyond the temporary. Living for eternal values gives ourlives meaning and direction.

Lesson #1

Scripture:Matthew 16:26; Luke 12:15–21; John 6:47; 10:10; Philippians 1:20–26

Based on:“Best Life Ever” Big Idea Discussion Guide



LEADER’S GUIDE

Learn to Live for Eternity

PART 1

Identify the Current Issue

Note to leader: At the beginning of the class, provide each person with theParticipant’s Guide included at the end of this study.

We sometimes wish certain things could go on and on: a great concert, a fantastic vacation, a

perfect summer day, a holiday, an evening with friends. There’s an old saying: “All good thingsmust come to an end.” But is this really true? What if the very best things don’t have to come toan end? That’s exactly what God offers each of us in Jesus: the best life ever that never has tocome to an end.

Most people have been taught to think that eternity begins when we die, but the reality is thatfor anyone who has found their way back to God in Christ, eternity has already begun. Thereare two main words for life in the language of the New Testament: bios, which means biologicallife—eating, sleeping, and doing what living things must do to survive; and zoe (“zo-ay”), whichmeans a God-kind-of-life, a life that has eternal qualities. When Jesus said, “I have come that

you might have life, and have it more abundantly,” he was talking about the zoe-kind-of-life.Jesus also said, “I tell you for certain that everyone who has faith in me has eternal life” (John6:47). Notice he doesn’t say whoever has faith in him will someday have eternal life. It hasalready begun. This life of celebrating, connecting, and contributing never comes to an end,

because death has lost its power to bring our lives to an end. Jesus says not only that he offerslife to those who follow him, but that he is life.

Discussion starter:

[Q] What part of life do you wish would never end?

[Q] Do you think that part of life will extend into eternity? Why or why not?

PART 2

Discover the Eternal Principles

Teaching point one: Jesus demonstrated that eternal life starts now.

Often we think that everlasting life begins after death, but Jesus didn’t say that. He said thatthe one who believes “has” everlasting life, not “will have.” Rob Bell writes more on this in his

book Velvet Elvis:

God isn’t just interested in the covering over of our sins; God wants to makeus into the people we were originally created to be …. This is why Jesusalways orients His message around becoming the kind of people who aregenerous and loving and compassionate …. The point is becoming the kindof people God had in mind when we were first created. Jesus said that whenwe believe, we have crossed over from death to life (John 5:24) … when Ienter into a relationship with God through Christ, I am connected with God

now, and will be connected with God forever. For Jesus, salvation is now.

Read John 6:47.

[Q] How do you feel about this statement from Jesus? Comforted? Scared? Explain.

[Q] How does this understanding of eternal life change the way we live now?

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LEADER’S GUIDE


[Q] How does it change the way we interpret the world around us?

[Q] How does it change the way we lead, form friendships, and love others?

[Q] How does such a view give us new meaning and purpose?

Teaching point two: Jesus demonstrated that life consists of morethan possessions and achievement.

In today’s world we are pressured to have insurance for our health, life, car, and so on. Wenever know what is going to happen, but we try to be prepared. We recognize the uncertainty of the future in almost every area except our spiritual lives. We should never take a chance of living without eternal values. We can have no greater insurance than the assurance thatthrough belief in Jesus we will receive the great reward of eternal life.

It does not matter how nice a car, big a house, or large a paycheck we have. In the end all of that will fade away, but what we have in Christ will last forever.

Read Matthew 16:26.

[Q] How do we work at gaining the whole world and forfeiting our souls?

[Q] Read Luke 12:15–21. According to this story, what are we to be working toward instead of

riches on earth?

[Q] How do we become rich toward God?

[Q] Do you feel that you have spent too much time working toward the best life on Earth

rather than the best life for eternity? If so, what steps can you take to begin to changethat?

Optional Activity: Break into groups of three or four. Provide each group a popularmagazine that includes a lot of ads. Ask each group to find two or three examples of things

advertised that promise us a good life on earth. After sharing them with the group, discusswhy those things can never ultimately satisfy.

Teaching point three: Jesus demonstrated that only he could give usultimate purpose and meaning.

Read John 10:10 and Philippians 1:20–26. In the John passage, Jesus is speaking. In thePhilippians passage Paul is talking. Both men give a different spin on life than we normally seeas our meaning and purpose. Christ turns things radically on their head and says that to live wemust die. Paul boldly proclaims that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

[Q] What did Jesus mean when he said that he came to bring us a full life?

Leader’s Note: It would mean a life rich in relationships, meaning, and purpose, just as Christ’s own life was full of these.

[Q] In what ways is this life different than how the world would define a full life?

[Q] Paul wrote this passage in Philippians when he was in prison. How could he be living a

full life in such circumstances?





LEADER’S GUIDE


Leader’s Notes: He maintained relationships through his letters and knew that hewould be rewarded in eternity. Because he lived wholeheartedly for Christ, he knew that his life was being spent for the right purpose.

[Q] Which of the following requires most of your energy?

Making money

Spending time with people

Volunteering to help others

Maintaining a household

Other

If you can’t change any of these things, how might Christ use your present circumstancesto achieve eternal goals?

PART 3

Apply Your Findings We often want mentors to show us how to live. Who does that better than Christ himself? We become mentored when we let him transform us and use us to help others.

Successful magazine editor William Falk confessed, “I have no real wants; if anything, my life istoo full.”

“That’s precisely the problem,” author Gregg Easterbrook says in his new book The Progress Paradox. “Most Americans enjoy a higher standard of living than 99.4 percent of the 80 billionhuman beings who’ve ever lived. Yet we’re not content. Our lives are characterized by too muchof a good thing,” Easterbrook says, “excess at every turn. We’re surrounded by so much foodthat obesity has become a national crisis, are tempted by so much entertainment andinformation and stuff to buy that we sleep three hours a day less than our grandparents. At

times, it leaves you … wondering what it would be like to chuck it all.”

Jesus offers so much more meaning than we often settle for.

Action Plan: Would you like to follow Christ into living for eternal values? How can you takesteps to bring this everlasting life into all areas of your life now?





PARTICIPANT’S GUIDE FOR S TUDY 1

Learn to Live for Eternity Jesus models how to live for eternal values.

For our lives to be the best they can be, we need to see beyond the confines of this life. God and only God can give you a life that never ends and has apurpose that extends beyond the temporary. Living for eternal values gives ourlives meaning and direction.

Lesson #1 Scripture: Matthew 16:26; Luke 12:15–21; John 6:47; 10:10; Philippians 1:20–26 Based on: “Best Life Ever” Big IdeaDiscussion Guide



PARTICIPANT’S GUIDE


PART 1


We sometimes wish certain things could go on and on: a great concert, a fantastic vacation, aperfect summer day, a holiday, an evening with friends. There’s an old saying: “All good thingsmust come to an end.” But is this really true? What if the very best things don’t have to come to

an end? That’s exactly what God offers each of us in Jesus: the best life ever that never has tocome to an end.

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus demonstrated that eternal life starts now.

Teaching point two: Jesus demonstrated that life consists of morethan possessions and achievement.

Teaching point three: Jesus demonstrated that only he could give usultimate purpose and meaning.

[Q] Which of the following requires most of your energy?

Making money

Spending time with people

Volunteering to help others

Maintaining a household Other

PART 3

Apply Your Findings

We often want mentors to show us how to live. Who does that better than Christ himself? We become mentored when we let him transform us and use us to help others.





LEADER’S GUIDE FOR S TUDY 2

Learn to Be a Friend Jesus models how to be a good friend through

acceptance, forgiveness, and loyalty.

The quality of our lives and the quality of our friendships are closely related. Jesus wants to mentor us in how to be a true friend to others. Thisstudy will show us how to follow Jesus’ example in offering acceptance,forgiveness, and loyalty to others.

Lesson #2

Scripture: John 8:1–8; 18:15–27; 21:15–17




LEADER’S GUIDE

Learn to Be a FriendPage 2

PART 1



In a world more connected than ever before, people are lonelier than in the past. Our society is

driven by individuality, but people still seek friendships and relationships.

Consider these facts about quality of life and friendship:

• Personal ads today are not just about finding dates. People take out personal ads looking for friends.

• MySpace.com, where a person can interact with their friends and make new friends online, gets four times asmany clicks per browser as Google.com.

• The number one word used to describe marriage by the people who are happily married is friendship. Thehappiest married people are the ones who’ve come to be, more than anything else, true, deep friends for life.

Discussion starter:

[Q] Who do you consider to be the best friend you ever had? What made this person such agood friend?

[Q] Do you think that people have a shortage of friendships? If so, how do you feel media,

such as the internet, television, radio, and so on contribute to this problem?

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus shows us that a good friend accepts theother person as they are.

Jesus, more so than many of the other religious leaders of his day, understood what it’s like tonot be accepted. He was the epitome of one rejected, and so was often able to better empathize

with the people he encountered.

Jesus was an incredible friend. He demonstrated that being a friend means accepting people for who they are instead of what they can do for you. We all know what it’s like to have someone want to be our friend, and then find out it was mainly about what we could do for them.

[Q] Have you ever felt that you were in a friendship because one of you desired something

from the other? How did that work out?

[Q] How can we avoid doing that to someone else?

Read John 8:1–8.

[Q] How would this woman have felt to be accused before Jesus?

[Q] Why do you think Jesus accepted this woman?





LEADER’S GUIDE


[Q] How does this story give insight into how we are to respond to such people?

Leader’s Note: This story shows us that although our friends will sin, we can still forgive them, modeling through love and kindness the life they should lead. However, Jesus tells this woman to sin no more. It is often necessary to confront the person on thebehavior they are exhibiting. (See also Matthew 18:15–20 and Luke 17:3–4.)

Jason Boyett, in his book Pocket Guide to Adulthood, writes on love and marriage:

People have baggage, stuff we’ve wheeled around since high school. It’sbeen with us for so long, few of us have the willpower to drop it beforeentering the wedding chapel. The flaws are a part of the package. Theyfollow us right down the aisle, up the stairs, on the honeymoon and over thethreshold. Don’t marry someone for who they might become. Marry them forwho they are right now.

[Q] How would this quote apply to friendships? Do you think that it is accurate in its

depiction of love? How does this quote affect the way you understand friendships?

Teaching point two: Jesus shows us that a good friend forgives theother person.

Forgiving does not mean glossing over the hard truths. Forgiveness means refusing to pullaway from someone or lash out at them for what they have done to hurt you. Jesusdemonstrated this principle in the following passages.

Read John 18:15–27. Jesus had spent considerable time with his disciples, yet in this passage we see that Peter denied being a follower of Christ when the pressure was on. This would have been an extremely painful thing for Jesus, to have one so close deny his friendship.

[Q] If you overheard someone whom you loved denying that they even knew you, how would

you respond to them?

Read John 21:15–17. Three times Peter denied Jesus and three times Jesus asked Peter if heloved him. Though Peter had denied Jesus at perhaps the hardest time of Jesus’ life, Jesusforgave him and charged Peter to feed his sheep after he was gone. Though oftentimes ourfriends hurt us, we need to forgive with the same attitude.

[Q] How can offering forgiveness to those who have hurt us change our hearts to be more like

Jesus’ heart?

[Q] Think of a situation in which you forgave someone. How did that act of forgiveness affect

the relationship?





LEADER’S GUIDE


[Q] Which of the following would you find hardest to forgive? Why?

A personal betrayal

A broken promise

A deliberate lie

Revealing a confidence

Other

How could Jesus help you to be willing to forgive in this situation?

When we understand the difficulty of offering forgiveness to one who has hurt us, we begin tounderstand how hurt Jesus must be when we betray and hurt him. Additionally, this is the testof a friendship. One may offer forgiveness, but if it is not accepted, then the friendship isdoomed. However, if forgiveness is offered and displayed with love, then the friendship has thepossibility of becoming even stronger than it was before.

Optional Activity: Break into groups of three or four. Pass out a recent newspaper or news

magazine to each group. Ask each group to find one person in that news publication that it would be hard to forgive. Discuss how you might show Christlike forgiveness to that person if you were given the chance.

Teaching point three: Jesus shows us that a good friend is loyal.

Jesus models perfect friendship through his loyalty to us, despite our lack of loyalty to him attimes. His last words before he ascended to heaven were, “And surely I am with you always, tothe very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

Tony Campolo tells the following story to demonstrate Jesus’ loyalty to us:

One night in World War I, as the struggle settled into trench warfare, alieutenant commanded his men to sneak across a field and attack the

enemy. Obeying the officer’s command, the men inched their way out of thesafety and began to crawl toward the enemy. Suddenly, gunfire rang out!Bullets flew in almost every direction. The frightened men scurried back totheir own trenches as quickly as they could and hunkered down.

When the gunfire ceased, it was eerily still, except for the moaning andgroaning of one of the men who had been left behind on the field, wounded. The man kept crying for his friend George, begging him to come and savehim. George, in turn, pled with the young lieutenant to be allowed to go. Butthe young lieutenant said “No” over and over again, trying to explain thathe didn’t want to lose another man in what would be an obviously foolhardyrescue attempt. “I’ve lost him. I don’t want to lose you too,” the lieutenantshouted. But the young recruit kept pleading and finally, in exasperation,the lieutenant said, “Okay! If you want to get yourself killed, go ahead! I’m

tired of listening to your whining. Go out and get yourself killed, if that’swhat you want to do!”

The young soldier sneaked over the edge of the trench and inched his wayalong the ground, crawled to his friend, grabbed him, and slowly pulled himback to safety. He got his wounded friend back to the trench, and afterpushing him over the edge of the trench, George fell on top of him. But itwas too late—he was dead.





LEADER’S GUIDE


The lieutenant yelled, “George, I told you there was no point to yourbravery. Why did you risk your life? You put the entire unit in jeopardy. Andfor what? There was no point to what you did. You were a fool!”

George answered, “I was no fool. When I got to him he was still alive, andthe last words he said were, ‘George! I knew you’d come!’”

[Q] How does this story help you understand Christ’s loyalty to us?

[Q] How does it relate to your understanding of friendship?

[Q] What are some instances when a friend was loyal to you, even though it didn’t make

sense?

[Q] How does that friend’s loyalty to you help you better understand Jesus?

[Q] When were you loyal to someone, even when it wasn’t easy?

PART 3

Apply Your Findings

Jesus mentors us in how to be a good and loyal friend by teaching us to accept others as they are and forgive others when they fail us, and by helping us to be the kind of faithful friend whois there for the long haul. Don’t ask others to be this kind of friend to you, but ask Christ tomake you this kind of friend to others. As he mentors us in this kind of commitment to others,he will multiply our friendships.

Journalist and author Bob Greene tells the following story in his book And You Know You Should Be Glad: A True Story of Lifelong Friendship:

There are a handful of people, during your lifetime, who know you wellenough to understand when the right thing to say is to say nothing at all. Those people—and there will be, at most, only a few of them—will be withyou during your very worst times….

When, during an already painful juncture in my life, my wife died, I was sonumb that I felt dead myself. In the hours after her death, as our childrenand I tried in vain to figure out what to do next, how to get from hour tohour, the phone must have been ringing, but I have no recollection of it.

The next morning—one of those mornings when you awaken, blink to startthe day, and then, a dispiriting second later, realize anew what has justhappened and feel the boulder press you against the earth with such weightthat you fear you will never be able to get up—the phone rang, and it was Jack.

I didn’t want to hear any voice—even his voice. I just wanted to cover myself

with darkness. I knew he would be asking if there was anything he could do.But I should have known that he’d already done it.

“I’m in Chicago,” he said. I misunderstood him; I thought he was offering tocome to Chicago.

“I took the first flight this morning,” he said. He had heard; he had flown in.“I know you probably don’t want to see anyone,” he said. “That’s all right.





LEADER’S GUIDE


I’ve checked into a hotel, and I’ll just sit in the room in case you need me todo anything. I can do whatever you want, or I can do nothing.”

He meant it. He knew the best thing he could do was to be present in thesame town; to tell me he was there. And he did just sit there—I assume hewatched TV, or did some work, but he waited until I gathered the strength tosay I needed him. He helped me with things no man ever wants to needhelp with; mostly he sat with me and knew I did not require conversation,did not welcome chatter, did not need anything beyond the knowledge hewas there. He brought food for my children and, by sharing my silence, hegot me through those days. (William Morrow, 2006)

Action Plan: What situations in your life do you need to work on to accept, forgive, or bemore loyal to a friend? How can this small group help you reach that goal?






Learn to Be a Friend Jesus models how to be a good friend through acceptance, forgiveness, and

loyalty.

The quality of our lives and the quality of our friendships are closely related.Jesus wants to mentor us in how to be a true friend to others. This study willshow us how to follow Jesus’ example in offering acceptance, forgiveness, andloyalty to others.

Lesson #2 Scripture: John 8:1–8; 18:15–27; 21:15–17 Based on: “Best Life Ever” Big Idea Discussion Guide





PART 1


In a world more connected than ever before, people are lonelier than in the past. Our society isdriven by individuality, but people still seek friendships and relationships.

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus shows us that a good friend accepts theother person as they are.

Teaching point two: Jesus shows us that a good friend forgives theother person.

[Q] Which of the following would you find hardest to forgive? Why?

A personal betrayal

A broken promise

A deliberate lie

Revealing a confidence

Other

Teaching point three: Jesus shows us that a good friend is loyal.

PART 3

Apply Your Findings

Jesus mentors us in how to be a good and loyal friend by teaching us to accept others as they are and forgive others when they fail us, and by helping us to be the kind of faithful friend whois there for the long haul. Don’t ask others to be this kind of friend to you, but ask Christ tomake you this kind of friend to others. As he mentors us in this kind of commitment to others,he will multiply our friendships.





LEADER’S GUIDE FOR S TUDY 3Learn to Be a Lover

Jesus models how to love others unselfishly.

Even though Jesus was never in a sexual or romantic relationship, hemodeled how to love others the way we should love our spouses. This study will look at the kind of love he demonstrated and help us apply that to ourmarriages. And if you are not married, it will help you love your family members and others in your life.

Lesson #3

Scripture:Luke 17:11–19; John 10:17–18; Philippians 2:1–11




LEADER’S GUIDE

Learn to Be a LoverPage 2

PART 1



Philip Yancey says in his article “Holy Sex—How It Ravishes Our Souls”:

Marriage strips away the illusions about sex pounded into us daily by theentertainment media. Few of us live with oversexed supermodels. We liveinstead with ordinary people, men and women who get bad breath, bodyodors, and unruly hair; who menstruate and experience occasionalimpotence; who have bad moods and embarrass us in public; who pay moreattention to our children’s needs than our own.

We live with people who require compassion, tolerance, understanding, andan endless supply of forgiveness. So do our partners. Such is the ironicalpower of sex: It lures us into a relationship that offers to teach us what weneed far more—sacrificial love. (CHRISTIANITY TODAY, 9-30-03)

Discussion starter:

[Q] What do you think of when you hear the phrase “in love”?

[Q] How do movies, TV, and music contribute to our understanding of what being “in love”

means?

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus demonstrated that giving is moreimportant than getting.

In 1997 a movie about a ship became the highest grossing film in history. What made Titanic such a success? At the end of the film, Jack swims in the frigid waters of the Atlantic while hisnew love, Rose, sits atop a door turned into a life raft. The audience watches helplessly as ourhero freezes to death while his love clings tightly to the raft, too small for both to board. Jack chose to freeze so that his love may live. This kind of love captured everyone’s attention.

One of the things that couples in counseling often say about their spouse is that he or she isonly concerned about their own needs. Jesus came for the purpose of giving. His whole lifemirrored the life of a giver. He gave his time to the needy. He gave food to the hungry. He gavehealing to the sick. He gave meaning to those who had no purpose. And most of all he gave hislife for all.

Read John 10:17–18. Jesus did not have to give his life; he chose to. Being the best lover meansmaking sacrifices.

[Q] Describe a time when you sacrificed something for someone you love. Or describe a time

when someone sacrificed something for you.

[Q] How did those sacrifices affect the feelings you had toward that person?





LEADER’S GUIDE


[Q] What is it about giving or sacrificing that demonstrates true love?

[Q] What sacrifices might God be calling you to make right now for someone you love?

Teaching point two: Jesus demonstrated that love is not controlling.

Someone once said, “Loving is not controlling, and controlling is not loving.”

A successful salesman was once asked to divulge his secret for making so many profitable salesand earning his company so much money. He responded by saying that his success came whenhe stopped treating people like projects to whom he was pitching his products and begantreating them as fellow people still in need of a product he was once in need of. We all desire to

be treated as valuable human beings, and not to be manipulated as some sort of object. Though we may desire this, we may not always exemplify this toward others. Jesus can make us betterlovers by helping us to let go of our controlling tendencies, and teaching us not to relate toothers as objects to be coerced, manipulated, pushed, and pulled to get what we want. Jesuscan make anyone a better lover by transforming them into less controlling people.

Read Luke 17:11–19. Jesus was not controlling. He did not require praise from those he healedfor them to receive their miracle. He gave them all the choice to come back; only one did. Hegives us the same choice: to choose to praise him for the work he does in our lives.

[Q] If Jesus had healed only the people who praised him, would he really have loved

everyone, or would he just have loved those who loved him?

[Q] Describe a time when you chose to love someone knowing that you might receive nothing

in return for the love you gave.

[Q] What are some areas in which you consistently find yourself trying to take control of

other people? How has this attitude affected the way others view you?

Optional Activity: Brainstorm as a group ways that spouses often try to control oneanother, recording these on a poster board or whiteboard. When finished, look at each oneand discuss how you think Christ would respond to each situation, as opposed to trying tocontrol the person.

Teaching point three: Jesus displayed attractive behavior.

Within Scripture there is no description of the physical appearance of Jesus. What we do findare stories upon stories of people coming to Jesus, attracted to his loving, accepting, andcompassionate ways. More than 2,000 years since his birth, people are still finding their way

back to God because of what they see in Jesus. Jesus is attractive because he is God, who islove.

[Q] Describe a characteristic of Jesus that helps you better understand God.

Read Philippians 2:1–11.

[Q] How does this passage demonstrate what made Jesus attractive?

[Q] What characteristics can we adopt that are mentioned in this passage that would make us

better spouses and friends?





LEADER’S GUIDE


[Q] Which of the following characteristics from Philippians 2 do you most need Christ to

work into your life to make you a more attractive person?

Assurance that Christ loves and accepts you

Tender and compassionate

Being like minded (agreeable toward others)

Lack of selfish ambition

Humility—consider others better than yourself

Care about the interests of others

Being a servant to others

Ask the group to pray for you concerning this quality.

PART 3

Apply Your FindingsRobert L. Russell shares this account in his sermon “God’s Design for Marriage”:

Mary Francis Meyers died today, a great woman in our church. Her husbandKen died two or three years ago. I’ll never forget being in the fireside roomwhen they celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. I said, “Ken, fiftyyears is a long time.”

He immediately responded, “Not nearly as long as it would have beenwithout her.” (Preaching Today, Tape No. 166)

This couple learned to love as Jesus loved. When we become selfless, uncontrolling, andattractive in our character, we find out what it’s like to love as he did.

Action Plan: Which of the teaching points do you most need to apply? Being selfless?Uncontrolling? More attractive in your character? Share with the group which one they canpray for you about.






Learn to Be a Lover Jesus models how to love others unselfishly.

Even though Jesus was never in a sexual or romantic relationship, he modeledhow to love others the way we should love our spouses. This study will look atthe kind of love he demonstrated and help us apply that to our marriages. Andif you are not married, it will help you love your family members and others in your life.

Lesson #3 Scripture: Luke 17:11–19; John 10:17–18; Philippians 2:1–11 Based on: “Best Life Ever” Big Idea Discussion Guide





PART 1


Philip Yancey says in his article “Holy Sex—How It Ravishes Our Souls”:

Marriage strips away the illusions about sex pounded into us daily by theentertainment media. Few of us live with oversexed supermodels. We live

instead with ordinary people, men and women who get bad breath, bodyodors, and unruly hair; who menstruate and experience occasionalimpotence; who have bad moods and embarrass us in public; who pay moreattention to our children’s needs than our own.

We live with people who require compassion, tolerance, understanding, andan endless supply of forgiveness. So do our partners. Such is the ironicalpower of sex: It lures us into a relationship that offers to teach us what weneed far more—sacrificial love. (CHRISTIANITY TODAY, 9-30-03)

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus demonstrated that giving is moreimportant than getting.

Teaching point two: Jesus demonstrated that love is not controlling.

Teaching point three: Jesus displayed attractive behavior.

[Q] Which of the following characteristics from Philippians 2 do you most need Christ to

work into your life to make you a more attractive person?

Assurance that Christ loves and accepts you

Tender and compassionate

Being like minded (agreeable toward others)

Lack of selfish ambition

Humility—consider others better than yourself

Care about the interests of others

Being a servant to others

Ask the group to pray for you concerning this quality.







PART 3

Apply Your Findings

Robert L. Russell shares this account in his sermon “God’s Design for Marriage”:

Mary Francis Meyers died today, a great woman in our church. Her husbandKen died two or three years ago. I’ll never forget being in the fireside room

when they celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. I said, “Ken, fiftyyears is a long time.”

He immediately responded, “Not nearly as long as it would have beenwithout her.” (Preaching Today, Tape No. 166)

This couple learned to love as Jesus loved. When we become selfless, uncontrolling, andattractive in our character, we find out what it’s like to love as he did.





LEADER’S GUIDE

Learn to LeadPage 2

PART 1



Talk about leadership to a mixed group of people, and you’ll find that they tend to think of

themselves as leaders—or not—based on their personality, job, or strengths. But the truth of thematter is that we are all leaders, no matter who we are or what our station in life, becauseleadership is not about our position, clout, or power. As Charles Swindoll once said, “If I had todefine leadership in one word, I’d pick ‘influence.’ And if you let me have two words, I’d pick ‘inspiring influence.’” We all have influence on the people we come into contact with every day.This is just as true for the stay-at-home mom of preschoolers as it is for the CEO of a Fortune500 company. We all influence people. Positively or negatively, one way or another, any time

we interact with anyone, we have some influence.

So then what kind of leaders are we going to be? Jesus shows us that the best leaders are threethings: compassionate, visionary, and courageous.

Discussion starters:

[Q] Who has been the most influential leader in your life, and why?

[Q] Who are viewed as “leaders” in our culture, and why? What about these people makes

them influential?

Though the people you mentioned are tremendous leaders in their own way, none candemonstrate the idea of “inspiring influence” more than Jesus. Jesus, who was God incarnate,inspired and influenced the lives of a handful of men who went on to spread Christianity throughout the world, many dying in the process. Jesus demonstrated for us three models of leadership (courageous, compassionate, and visionary) that we will look at to determine whichare especially significant for us individually.

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus shows us how to be courageous leaders.

Read John 2:13–17. Jesus was in the temple, surrounded by men who wanted to kill him, andhe stood up for God. He inspired and influenced his followers—his disciples—to do the same.

[Q] How is Jesus’ courage displayed in this passage?

[Q] Why was it courage rather than just a display of temper?

[Q] What was Jesus indignant about?

Read Acts 4:1–20. Peter and John were two of the three disciples who had been closest toJesus. They were able to stand before the same group of men, the Sanhedrin, who wereresponsible for the death of Jesus (Mark 14:55) and tell them they were not going to stop tellingpeople about Jesus. Now that is inspiring influence!





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Some of you may think, “Well that’s nice; it would be great if I could influence others like Jesusdid. If I were influential, then yeah, I’d consider myself a leader.” Whether it is positive ornegative, everyone has influence on the people around them. We cannot not have influence. Wechoose, however, what kind of influence we’ll have.

[Q] What made Peter and John’s stand so courageous?

[Q] In what circumstances of life can we show the kind of courage that Jesus, Peter, and Johndisplayed?

Teaching point two: Jesus shows us how to be compassionateleaders.

Bill Hybels writes in Leadership by the Book that there are two kinds of leaders: those who are“leaders first” and those who are “servants first” (what we would call a compassionate leader).“Leaders first” people are the ones who try naturally to control, make decisions, and giveorders. Compassionate leaders are the ones who will only assume leadership when they feel it isthe best way they can serve; they feel called to lead and view their leadership position as one of stewardship and not of ownership (p. 42).

[Q] Have you ever experienced working for a “leaders first” person? Describe how that personmade you and others feel.

[Q] Have you ever experienced working for a compassionate leader? In contrast, how did they

make you and others feel?

Read John 13:1–5. Jesus influenced others because he was intentional in the things that he did.It was in doing the small servant duties that Jesus was able to influence people in a way thathelped them find their way back to God.

Optional Activity: Recommend to the following people how they can show compassionateleadership to those around them.

• Jennifer has become Sunday school superintendent at her church.

• Chuck has just married a woman who has three children.

• Thomas was promoted to a management position at work.

• Mae just won a seat on the county board.

Teaching point three: Jesus shows us how to be visionary leaders.

Jesus was not just compassionate, nor simply courageous. In addition to both of these, he wasalso visionary. Perhaps his greatest vision is cast for us shortly before his return to heaven.Read Matthew 28:18–20.

In this passage Jesus casts a strong vision for his followers, who carried on and continued

preaching this vision, which is still being shared in churches today.

Part of the reason visionary leaders are so easy to follow is that many people lack vision fortheir life, and when they see someone who is passionate, they are inspired to follow.

A visionary leader is able to help others see their potential in the kingdom of God. Each of us was created to bring glory and honor to God, and helping others to see their place in thatkingdom is a privilege.





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[Q] What about a visionary leader inspires others to follow?

[Q] What are some of the dangers of a visionary-driven model?

[Q] Who has been a visionary leader to you?

[Q] What are some practical ways you can be a visionary leader to those God has placed in your life?

PART 3

Apply Your Findings

There are people in your life who need you to show courageous, compassionate, and visionary leadership to them. It may be your children, a friend, a coworker, or a neighbor, but someone islooking to you to show them how to display courage for Christ and compassion to all, and tohelp them believe they were created for a purpose. Look around you to see how you areinfluencing those God has placed in your life.

Action Plan: Which of these three styles of leadership (courageous, compassionate, and visionary) do you see most in yourself? Give examples of where you have seen these. Which do you want to work on more? How can the small group help you do so?






Learn to Lead Jesus was the master leader, and he can teach you to lead well.

We’re all leaders because we all have influence in the lives of other people, andin becoming leaders like Jesus, our lives will impact others for eternity. Thisstudy will show us how to follow his example in the way we lead those God hasplaced under our care.

Lesson #4 Scripture: Matthew 28:18–20; John 2:13–17; 13:1–5; Acts 4:1–20 Based on: “Best Life Ever” Big Idea Discussion Guide




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PART 1


Talk about leadership to a mixed group of people, and you’ll find that they tend to think of themselves as leaders—or not—based on their personality, job, or strengths. But the truth of thematter is that we are all leaders, no matter who we are or what our station in life, because

leadership is not about our position, clout, or power. As Charles Swindoll once said, “If I had todefine leadership in one word, I’d pick ‘influence.’ And if you let me have two words, I’d pick ‘inspiring influence.’” We all have influence on the people we come into contact with every day.This is just as true for the stay-at-home mom of preschoolers as it is for the CEO of a fortune500 company. We all influence people. Positively or negatively, one way or another, any time

we interact with anyone, we have some influence.

PART 2


Teaching point one: Jesus shows us how to be courageous leaders.

Teaching point two: Jesus shows us how to be compassionateleaders.

Teaching point three: Jesus shows us how to be visionary leaders.

PART 3

Apply Your Findings

There are people in your life who need you to show courageous, compassionate, and visionary leadership to them. It may be your children, a friend, a coworker, or a neighbor, but someone islooking to you to show them how to display courage for Christ and compassion to all, and tohelp them believe they were created for a purpose. Look around you to see how you areinfluencing those God has placed in your life.



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