Julie Keown-Bomar

UW-ExtensionEau Claire County

Get the Facts—Communicating with Teens

Parent Influence!

Effective Family Communication is proven to be a preventative factor for Smoking, drinking, and

other drug use Teen pregnancy Suicide

Shattering the Myths About Communication

Myth:Talking about sex, drugs, contraception and other issues will encourage kids to engage in those activities

Fact: Research indicates families in which parents are open and attentive in discussing sexuality are LESS likely to have children who engage in sex. Having conversations with parents and caregivers will make it easier for them to delay sexual activity and decide against drug use.

Myth: Parents should leave these conversations up to othersFact: Parents are the single most important factor on their

child’s decisions about risky behavior

Myth: It’s better to wait until they ask questionsFact: Your child is absorbing information all the time,

often from unreliable or questionable sources. They need and want to know what a parent

thinks and what the limits are.

Communication hints

Listen more than talk Don’t allow anger to end the conversation

Take a break What is your child not saying? Take the

initiative to ask Don’t interrupt and reserve judgment until

your child has finished

I-Centered Messages

“ I’m sorry you saw those movies because that’s just not the way sex really is for most people.”

“I’m glad you overheard that conversation because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this but I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“When I heard Ben talking that way, it really upset me because I think his attitude towards girls is pretty pathetic.”

Door Openers

“I’m very concerned that…”

“I understand that it is sometimes difficult…”

“Tell me about ..” “Help me

understand…”

Door Closers

“If I were you…” “When I was your

age..” “You” messages

You’re impossible

Other communication tips

Give lots of praise Catch them doing something right Helps to build self-esteem Helps build confidence to trust their own judgment

Make sure you understand what your child says Repeat back what they said then ask, “Am I

understanding this correctly”? Active Talk

Engage with your son while doing something: fishing, hunting, shooting hoops

Practice with your kids

What would you do if your friend was a bully?

How can you say no to your friends if they offer you alcohol?

Role play Let them come up with

strategies

Teachable moments

Family cooking Family meals Television Reading newspaper Incidents at school Billboards Facebook Commercials

Media critic

Other protective factors besides communication

Clear boundaries with consistent, reasonable consequences

Parental monitoring Mentors High expectations Involvement –”Hands On Parenting” Consistent, fair discipline (to teach)

Living with Teens

Teenagers want to know how far they can go

Tolerance is essential, but not everything goes

Decide what matters Impose limits Reasonable and realistic Be willing to discuss issues

Don’t be nagged or bullied