JUST Listening for JUST Listening for Pro Bono Attorneys Pro Bono Attorneys

Association of Pro Bono Counsel Association of Pro Bono Counsel AcademyAcademy

October 15, 2009October 15, 2009

Identify A Time in your life when you Identify A Time in your life when you have either:have either:

Been deeply listened toBeen deeply listened to Or NotOr Not

Questions:Questions: Identify one trait that characterized Identify one trait that characterized

the listener/non-listenerthe listener/non-listener What was the effect of this What was the effect of this

experience?experience?

Part I: JUST Listening SkillsPart I: JUST Listening Skills

““Listening is a magnetic and Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative strange thing, a creative force. When we are force. When we are listened to, it creates us, listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us begin to grow within us and come to life.”and come to life.”

Brenda UelandBrenda Ueland

Active Listening….Active Listening….one of many listening modalitiesone of many listening modalities EncouragingEncouraging

RestatingRestating

ReflectingReflecting

SummarizingSummarizing

JusticeJusticeOne definition of Justice is “Right One definition of Justice is “Right

Relationship”Relationship”

JUST Listening PremisesJUST Listening Premises Being heard empowers the speakerBeing heard empowers the speaker

People hold the solutions to their own problems People hold the solutions to their own problems withinwithin

Skilled listening opens up new possibilities for all Skilled listening opens up new possibilities for all involved, and can be a powerful tool for personal involved, and can be a powerful tool for personal and social transformation and change. and social transformation and change.

Although rarely consulted or listened to, people Although rarely consulted or listened to, people on the social margins are the best source of on the social margins are the best source of information and ideas about the issues facing information and ideas about the issues facing them. them.

Skilled listening is possible only when one is Skilled listening is possible only when one is actively cultivating self awareness and regular actively cultivating self awareness and regular habits of reflectionhabits of reflection

“ “I suspect that the most basic and I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another powerful way to connect to another person is to listen.person is to listen.

Just listen.Just listen.

Perhaps the most important thing we Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our ever give each other is our attention.”attention.”

Rachel Naomi RemenRachel Naomi Remen

Part II: Listening To OthersPart II: Listening To Others

Implications of Collaborative Implications of Collaborative Approach:Approach:

Attorney-client relationshipAttorney-client relationship

Choice of strategyChoice of strategy

OutcomesOutcomes

Client satisfactionClient satisfaction

Listening FiltersListening Filters Culture and CustomCulture and Custom

Non-verbalsNon-verbals

Biases/Prejudices/Biases/Prejudices/ AssumptionsAssumptions

See Project Implicit:See Project Implicit:https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/

Prior Experience, including Prior Experience, including KnowledgeKnowledge• For lawyers, this includes legal For lawyers, this includes legal

knowledge/skills/knowledge/skills/ expertise. Clients bring their own expertise. Clients bring their own

experience and skill.experience and skill.

FiltersFilters

The Lawyer PersonalityThe Lawyer Personality

Socio-Cultural Conversational Socio-Cultural Conversational DynamicsDynamics

Socio-Cultural ValuesSocio-Cultural Values

Internal Monologue: Internal Monologue: What goes on in your head?What goes on in your head?

Thinking of what to say in responseThinking of what to say in response Thinking of a solutionThinking of a solution Thinking of why the other person is wrongThinking of why the other person is wrong Thinking about a similar thing that Thinking about a similar thing that

happened to youhappened to you Thinking about what you have to do nextThinking about what you have to do next Worrying about your problem childWorrying about your problem child Worrying about 3,000 things that might Worrying about 3,000 things that might

happenhappen

The Lawyer PersonalityThe Lawyer PersonalityAdapted from Adapted from Understanding and Leading Lawyers, by Dr. Larry RichardUnderstanding and Leading Lawyers, by Dr. Larry Richard

Lawyers are not like other kidsLawyers are not like other kids

On most personality traits, lawyers On most personality traits, lawyers score dramatically differently from score dramatically differently from other peopleother people

On 6 of 18 traits, lawyers score two On 6 of 18 traits, lawyers score two levels outside the standard deviationlevels outside the standard deviation

Lawyers:Lawyers:

Are more skeptical Are more skeptical Greatest deviation from norm of all Greatest deviation from norm of all indicators. indicators.

Are more autonomousAre more autonomous

Have a greater sense of urgencyHave a greater sense of urgency

Have a higher level of empathyHave a higher level of empathy

Have a lower level of sociability (degree to which Have a lower level of sociability (degree to which connect at cerebral or emotional level) connect at cerebral or emotional level)

Lawyers: 12% General Public: 50 %Lawyers: 12% General Public: 50 %

Utilize abstract reasoning to a greater degreeUtilize abstract reasoning to a greater degree

Are less resilientAre less resilient

Are most effective in One on One communication Keep Are most effective in One on One communication Keep large group discussions to a minimum.large group discussions to a minimum.

Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics Socio-Cultural Conversational Dynamics adapted from the work of Ruby Payne, PhDadapted from the work of Ruby Payne, PhD

The Role of LanguageThe Role of Language Formal and casual speechFormal and casual speech

The Role of StoryThe Role of Story

Socio-Cultural RulesSocio-Cultural Rules

Hidden Rules Among ClassesHidden Rules Among Classes• Assumptions about: Assumptions about:

possessions possessions money money time time education education language language world view world view personality personality motivationsmotivations

Possible Class and Culture-Possible Class and Culture-Based Differences Between Based Differences Between

Attorneys and Pro Bono Clients*Attorneys and Pro Bono Clients*

*Based on the work of: *Based on the work of: • Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Nancy. Nancy Boyd-Franklin, Nancy. Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African American Black Families in Therapy: Understanding the African American

ExperienceExperience..• MonicaMonica McGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia Garcia-Preto, editors. McGoldrick, Joe Giordano, and Nydia Garcia-Preto, editors. Ethnicity and Family Ethnicity and Family

TherapyTherapy, , 3rd Edition.3rd Edition. • Ruby K. Payne, PhD, Ruby K. Payne, PhD, A Framework For Understanding PovertyA Framework For Understanding Poverty

Logistical obstacles to planning Logistical obstacles to planning ahead and, e.g., keeping ahead and, e.g., keeping appointments appointments

The degree of belief in own ability to The degree of belief in own ability to control events control events

Willingness to share money with Willingness to share money with friends and relatives, even when friends and relatives, even when financially strapped financially strapped

Dependence on written Dependence on written communication vs. oral communication vs. oral communication communication

The importance of work, The importance of work, achievement, and material security achievement, and material security in decision-making in decision-making

The importance of survival and The importance of survival and relationships in decision-making relationships in decision-making

POVERTYPOVERTY

http://www.usccb.org/cchd/http://www.usccb.org/cchd/povertyusa/tour.htmpovertyusa/tour.htm

Implications for Pro Bono Clients Implications for Pro Bono Clients and Attorneysand Attorneys

Information Gathering and SharingInformation Gathering and Sharing RelationshipRelationship CommunicationCommunication Choice of StrategyChoice of Strategy OutcomesOutcomes Client SatisfactionClient Satisfaction Attorney SatisfactionAttorney Satisfaction The Pro Bono EnterpriseThe Pro Bono Enterprise Access to JusticeAccess to Justice

ONE MORE FILTER…ONE MORE FILTER…

OUR OUR

EGOSEGOS

IMPEDIMENTS TO LISTENING:IMPEDIMENTS TO LISTENING:UNCONSCIOUS MANIFESTATIONS OF UNCONSCIOUS MANIFESTATIONS OF

EGOEGOConsiderations for JUST ListeningConsiderations for JUST Listening

Adapted from Eckhart Tolle, Adapted from Eckhart Tolle, A New EarthA New Earth

Desiring, seeking, or demanding Desiring, seeking, or demanding recognition for something you didrecognition for something you did• Being angry, upset, disgruntled, or ‘holding on’ Being angry, upset, disgruntled, or ‘holding on’

if you don’t get it if you don’t get it

Trying to get attention by talking about Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your life, your your problems, the story of your life, your experiences, your issues, your illnesses experiences, your issues, your illnesses etc., In extreme cases, making a scene.etc., In extreme cases, making a scene.

Giving your opinion when nobody has Giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it and it makes no difference to asked for it and it makes no difference to the situationthe situation

Being more concerned with how the other Being more concerned with how the other person sees you than with the other person sees you than with the other personperson

Trying to make an impression on others Trying to make an impression on others through knowledge, status, physical through knowledge, status, physical strength, possessions, good looks, etc. For strength, possessions, good looks, etc. For some, boasting of the OPPOSITE, e.g. a some, boasting of the OPPOSITE, e.g. a simple lifestyle, lack of possessions.simple lifestyle, lack of possessions.

Bringing about temporary ego inflation Bringing about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against someone through angry reaction against someone or something or something

Taking things personally, feeling Taking things personally, feeling offendedoffended

Making yourself right and others Making yourself right and others wrong through futile mental or verbal wrong through futile mental or verbal complaining, gymnastics, explaining.complaining, gymnastics, explaining.

Wanting to be seen, or appear Wanting to be seen, or appear importantimportant

REFLECTREFLECT

Which of these behaviors do I own?Which of these behaviors do I own?

When have I/do I utilize them?When have I/do I utilize them?

How did they serve me in the past? Is it time How did they serve me in the past? Is it time to let them go?to let them go?

Personal Conversational DynamicsPersonal Conversational Dynamics Take the next 5 minutes to reflect on your Take the next 5 minutes to reflect on your

own conversational dynamics. own conversational dynamics.

Which, if any, or these behaviors and Which, if any, or these behaviors and interactions do you engage in?interactions do you engage in?

Are you aware of this in the conversational Are you aware of this in the conversational moment? Having you ever reflected on moment? Having you ever reflected on these dynamics following a conversation?these dynamics following a conversation?

Discuss with person sitting next to you.Discuss with person sitting next to you.

TIPSTIPS Once you have detected such a pattern, Once you have detected such a pattern,

determine what it FEELS like to engage determine what it FEELS like to engage in it. Practice letting it go when it in it. Practice letting it go when it surfaces. See what happens.surfaces. See what happens.

Choose to de-emphasize yourself and all Choose to de-emphasize yourself and all ego manifestations. Choose to be ego manifestations. Choose to be transparent, entering fully and transparent, entering fully and consciously into every moment.consciously into every moment.

Practice SilencePractice Silence

Listening Tips: Preparation for Listening Tips: Preparation for Listening…Listening…adapted from Gene Knudson Hoffman and Leah Greenadapted from Gene Knudson Hoffman and Leah Green

DO:DO: Self educate to avoid being rude or offensiveSelf educate to avoid being rude or offensive

Be alert for nonverbal cues from speaker. Don’t assume Be alert for nonverbal cues from speaker. Don’t assume that nods or eye contact are appreciated. They may be that nods or eye contact are appreciated. They may be blocks and reveal more about you than about the person blocks and reveal more about you than about the person you are listening to. you are listening to.

Cultivate stillnessCultivate stillness

Be sincereBe sincere

Be open and curious.Be open and curious.

In group settings, note how speaker responds to all present. In group settings, note how speaker responds to all present. We all tend to respond to people giving us the cues that We all tend to respond to people giving us the cues that make us feel most comfortable. Pay attentionmake us feel most comfortable. Pay attention

Focus on experience, not convictionsFocus on experience, not convictions

Listening Tips, Listening Tips, continuedcontinued

Initially:Initially:

in Interview/Meetingin Interview/Meeting

Avoid:Avoid:

Interruption……..at all.Interruption……..at all. Giving advice/ Giving advice/

proposing solutionsproposing solutions Asking a judgmental Asking a judgmental

questionquestion Becoming distracted, Becoming distracted,

even by your own even by your own thoughtsthoughts

Filling silencesFilling silences Permission Pending

The Listening Process The Listening Process

Before you begin:Before you begin: Identification and AWARENESS of Identification and AWARENESS of

own biases, conversational own biases, conversational dynamics and tendencies, dynamics and tendencies, unconscious ego involvementunconscious ego involvement

Conscious intention to clear mind Conscious intention to clear mind and heart of all of theseand heart of all of these

Receptivity and openness to the Receptivity and openness to the person in front of youperson in front of you

Genuine curiosity “I don’t know.”Genuine curiosity “I don’t know.”

The Third WayThe Third WayFind your own Third Way through JUST Listening:Find your own Third Way through JUST Listening:

1.1. Develop an interior process for ‘clearing’ to Develop an interior process for ‘clearing’ to ListenListenTip: Find a metaphor for what you do:Tip: Find a metaphor for what you do: E.g. The Aikido Model: Pay attention, Align, LeadE.g. The Aikido Model: Pay attention, Align, Lead “ “Sweeping the Sand” Sweeping the Sand” Close one door, open another Close one door, open another

2. Enter conversation with genuine curiosity, an 2. Enter conversation with genuine curiosity, an unknowingunknowing

There are exceptions to every rule. Including this There are exceptions to every rule. Including this one.one.

““Listening is the Listening is the oldest and perhaps oldest and perhaps most powerful tool most powerful tool of healing”of healing”

“ “Our listening Our listening creates sanctuary creates sanctuary for the homeless for the homeless parts within the parts within the other person.”other person.”

Rachel Naomi Rachel Naomi RemenRemen

Listening alone does some of the work for you.

This slide will contain an image, poem, This slide will contain an image, poem, quote, or some other material to serve as quote, or some other material to serve as

a prompt for a short reflectiona prompt for a short reflection

Possibly William Stafford’s Possibly William Stafford’s The Way It IsThe Way It Is

Reflect on this (image, poem, quote) Reflect on this (image, poem, quote) and all that you have just heard. and all that you have just heard. What, if anything:What, if anything:

Inspires youInspires you Surprises youSurprises you Challenges you, creates resistance in Challenges you, creates resistance in

youyou Makes you emotional, or evokes your Makes you emotional, or evokes your

compassioncompassion

Strategic Questioning: Is the legal Strategic Questioning: Is the legal solution the only or best one ?solution the only or best one ?

Question Categories/FamiliesQuestion Categories/FamiliesAdapted from:Adapted from:Strategic Questioning : An Experiment in Communication of the Second KindStrategic Questioning : An Experiment in Communication of the Second Kind , by Fran Peavey, by Fran Peavey

1. FOCUS QUESTIONS identify the situation and 1. FOCUS QUESTIONS identify the situation and the key facts necessary to an understanding of the key facts necessary to an understanding of the situation.the situation.• "What is your biggest worry?"What is your biggest worry?• What are you most concerned about in his situation?“What are you most concerned about in his situation?“

2. OBSERVATION QUESTIONS are concerned with 2. OBSERVATION QUESTIONS are concerned with what one sees and the information one has heard what one sees and the information one has heard regarding the situation. Notice: do not refer to the regarding the situation. Notice: do not refer to the situation as a "problem" for that would set a field situation as a "problem" for that would set a field which may work against creative thinking.which may work against creative thinking.• KEYWORDS: see, hear, know, find, etc. KEYWORDS: see, hear, know, find, etc.

3. FEELING QUESTIONS are concerned with 3. FEELING QUESTIONS are concerned with body sensations, emotions and health. body sensations, emotions and health. “How does it feel when you think or talk “How does it feel when you think or talk about this situation?" about this situation?" • KEYWORDS: feel, suffer, tired, angry, sad, KEYWORDS: feel, suffer, tired, angry, sad,

frustrated, needs, etc.frustrated, needs, etc.

4. VISIONING QUESTIONS are concerned 4. VISIONING QUESTIONS are concerned with identifying one's ideals, dreams, and with identifying one's ideals, dreams, and values.values.• KEYWORDS: hope, wish, like, love, better, KEYWORDS: hope, wish, like, love, better,

justice, etc.justice, etc.

MOVING INTO STRATEGIC MOVING INTO STRATEGIC QUESTIONS QUESTIONS

5. CHANGE QUESTIONS are concerned 5. CHANGE QUESTIONS are concerned with how to get from the present situation with how to get from the present situation towards a more ideal situation.towards a more ideal situation.• (Here you are trying to find the individual's (Here you are trying to find the individual's

change view that will greatly impact the change view that will greatly impact the strategies for change she will believe in.)strategies for change she will believe in.)

• KEYWORDS: what will it take..., how could.KEYWORDS: what will it take..., how could.

6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES Try to 6. CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVES Try to imagine more than two alternatives (non imagine more than two alternatives (non dualistic). Be alert for other alternatives to dualistic). Be alert for other alternatives to pop up in other areas of questioning. Do pop up in other areas of questioning. Do not rule out any alternative.not rule out any alternative.• KEYWORDS: alternative ways, imagine, and all KEYWORDS: alternative ways, imagine, and all

the ways imaginablethe ways imaginable

7. PERSONAL INVENTORY AND SUPPORT 7. PERSONAL INVENTORY AND SUPPORT QUESTIONS are concerned with identifying QUESTIONS are concerned with identifying one's interests, potential contribution and one's interests, potential contribution and the support necessary to act. the support necessary to act. • KEYWORDS: what will it take, part of the KEYWORDS: what will it take, part of the

change, your part, everyone has a role, etc.change, your part, everyone has a role, etc.

8. PERSONAL ACTION QUESTIONS are 8. PERSONAL ACTION QUESTIONS are those which get down to the specifics of those which get down to the specifics of what to do, how and when to do it. The what to do, how and when to do it. The actual plan begins to emerge. actual plan begins to emerge. • AVOID questions that suggest specific AVOID questions that suggest specific

alternatives ("Have you considered..."), yes/no alternatives ("Have you considered..."), yes/no questions, and "why" questions.questions, and "why" questions.

Potential of Strategic Questioning Potential of Strategic Questioning in Attorney-Client Contextin Attorney-Client Context

Enhanced CommunicationEnhanced Communication

Surfacing of Alternatives, Creative Surfacing of Alternatives, Creative SolutionsSolutions

Improved OutcomesImproved Outcomes

Part III: Listening to OurselvesPart III: Listening to Ourselves

Hearts of JusticeHearts of Justice

Predicate to JUST Predicate to JUST Listening:Listening:

Creating and Creating and Sustaining Balance Sustaining Balance and Health for The and Health for The

Long HaulLong Haul

INTEGRATION: Work/Life BalanceINTEGRATION: Work/Life BalanceOur life and work are unifiedOur life and work are unified

Are our values?Are our values?

“ “ One of the symptoms One of the symptoms of an approaching of an approaching nervous breakdown nervous breakdown is the belief that is the belief that one’s work is terribly one’s work is terribly important”important”

Bertrand RussellBertrand Russell

Obstacles to the Reflective LifeObstacles to the Reflective Life

Causes of BurnoutCauses of Burnout

EnvironmentalEnvironmental

OrganizationalOrganizational

Attitudes /BeliefsAttitudes /Beliefs

Attitudes About:Attitudes About:

WorkWork BoundariesBoundaries Personal IssuesPersonal Issues Office Cultural Office Cultural

ExpectationsExpectations Stress and Your Stress and Your

BodyBody Rest and LeisureRest and Leisure TimeTime

What is Essential What is Essential vs. Merely vs. Merely ImportantImportant

TechnologyTechnology How the World How the World

Works:Works:• Scarcity or Scarcity or

Abundance?Abundance?• Victimhood or Victimhood or

Choice? Choice?

Give me a lever and a Give me a lever and a place to stand and I place to stand and I can move the world.can move the world.

ArchimedesArchimedes

SO: An Essential Reflection:SO: An Essential Reflection:

What’s Your Lever?What’s Your Lever?

““Where your talents and the needs of Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your the world cross, there lies your vocation.” vocation.”

AristotleAristotle

““We are called to be where our We are called to be where our deepest joys and the world’s greatest deepest joys and the world’s greatest needs intersect.”needs intersect.”

JUST Listening 26 W. Gowen Avenue

Philadelphia, PA 19119-1645Phone: 215-840-4772

sbrowning@justlistening.netwww.justlistening.net

Sharon Browning , Esq

Attitudes and Beliefs Attitudes and Beliefs

Boundary IssuesBoundary Issues• The dimensions and limits of compassionThe dimensions and limits of compassion

Personal issues: needing to be neededPersonal issues: needing to be needed

Office cultural expectationsOffice cultural expectations OverworkOverwork Excessive client involvementExcessive client involvement

Work EthicWork Ethic• Workaholism as a Workaholism as a

virtuevirtue• Self esteem tied to Self esteem tied to

‘productivity’‘productivity’

On overwork:“There is far too much work done in the world. …(This) immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous.” Bertrand Russell

“Nature requires us not only to be able to work well, but to idle well” Aristotle

Work Week and Vacation Work Week and Vacation ComparisonsComparisons

United StatesUnited States

Paid Holidays/Year: 10Paid Holidays/Year: 10

Vacation: 10 daysVacation: 10 days

(not required)(not required)

Average Work Week: 46 Average Work Week: 46 hours, excluding travel hours, excluding travel timetime

European UnionEuropean Union

Britain: 25, Germany: 30Britain: 25, Germany: 30

Minimum 4 weeks by lawMinimum 4 weeks by law

Including for part-timersIncluding for part-timersDenmark: 31 daysDenmark: 31 days

Germany: 24 daysGermany: 24 days

E.U. average 39, working E.U. average 39, working on 35on 35

Americans work an average of 12 Americans work an average of 12 weeks more a year in total hours weeks more a year in total hours than Europeansthan Europeans

40% of all employees describe jobs 40% of all employees describe jobs as “very or extremely stressful.”as “very or extremely stressful.”• These workers are 3 times more likely to These workers are 3 times more likely to

suffer stress-related medical conditionssuffer stress-related medical conditions• And twice as likely to quitAnd twice as likely to quit

““We are bigger than our schedules”We are bigger than our schedules”Paulo Freire, Brazilian EducatorPaulo Freire, Brazilian Educator

Stress and Your Stress and Your Body:Body:• Virtue: Don’t ‘stop Virtue: Don’t ‘stop

‘til you drop?’‘til you drop?’• Ignore illness: drag Ignore illness: drag

body into work?body into work?• Sick every holiday?Sick every holiday?• Chronic illness Chronic illness

issues?issues?

Who is the YOU that is bigger than Who is the YOU that is bigger than your schedule?your schedule?

What are the essentials of your day, What are the essentials of your day, rather than the merely important? rather than the merely important?

urgent vs. important vs. essentialurgent vs. important vs. essential

Beliefs……Beliefs……

Is the world one of Scarcity or Is the world one of Scarcity or Abundance?Abundance?

Beliefs about TimeBeliefs about Time• Time-slavery?Time-slavery?• Time as human Time as human

constructconstruct• Body ClockBody Clock• Seasonal/natural Seasonal/natural

‘time’‘time’

“…When you’re traveling the terrain of time, the shortest distance between two pointsmay be a detour. “ Marjorie Kelly

VictimhoodVictimhood• No choicesNo choices• Controlled by circumstancesControlled by circumstances

Vs.Vs.

Every moment as choiceEvery moment as choice

Beliefs about rest, Beliefs about rest, contemplation, contemplation, reflectionreflection• Waste of time?Waste of time?

vs.vs.

Value of dreaming, Value of dreaming, visioning, rest, visioning, rest, renewalrenewal

When do you get your When do you get your most creative ideas?most creative ideas?

Relationship to TechnologyRelationship to Technology

24-7 availability24-7 availability Blurring of work/leisureBlurring of work/leisure Increased expectation of rapid Increased expectation of rapid

responseresponse The tyranny of e mailThe tyranny of e mail The frenzy of multi-taskingThe frenzy of multi-tasking