kane & k endall counties “the happiest little paper in ... · you don’t even have to pay me...

February 19, 2020 Readers are Leaders. . . Volume 14, Issue 11

FREETAKE ONE

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

Sandwich, IL - South of Rt 34 on Wells, Lyons, & Dayton St

OPGKSandwich High School

Sandwich Middle SchoolLynn Haskins Grade School

ARTS & CRAFTS SHOW

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

630.538.9592Call Mikki

40 Terry Dr. • Sugar Grove IL 60554

AMAZING!MASSAGE

Schedule a visit Today!

““TT hhee HH aapp ppii ee sstt LL ii tt tt ll ee PPaa pp eerr IInn TToowwnn ””

· Kitchenette with full-size refrigerator, Microwave and coffee machine in each room!

· Free Parking · Free Internet/WiFi· Free Cable TV

201 Smoke Tree Lane N. Aurora, IL • (I-88 Exit IL-31)

(331)205-1700

Weekly & Contractor Ratesavailable

ReserveTODAY

Put My 17 Years' Experience Doing Chapter 7s to Work for YOU!

Chapter 7 Bankruptcy

David J. Howard, Attorney at LawA Debt Relief Agency

522 N. Lake St., Aurora IL 60506Phone 630.844.9546 Fax 630.896.9367

OOnnllyy $$880000..0000++ CCoossttss(Costs are usually $335.00 Filing Fee, $50.00 Credit

Report, $100.00 Before & After Classes)Total = $1285.00 out the door for typical consumer cases

KANE & KENDALL COUNTIESOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE

Windows FrozenWife texts her husband on a cold

winter morning...‘Windows frozen; won’t open.’

Her husband texts back, ‘Pour warm water over it and gently tap the edges with hammer.’

About 5 minutes late his wife texts back, ‘Computer really messed up now.’

• Automotive - Import & Domestic• Heavy Duty Industrial• Agricultural Equipment• Construction Equipment• High Amp Alternators• Hot-Rods & Classic Cars• Recreational Vehicles• Lawn Equipment• Motorcycles • Snow Plows• Race Cars M.A.R.S, Inc.

Starters • Alternators • Generators

www.MarsStarters.com

Call For Business to Business

Pickup & Delivery

Don’t have time to wait? We offer 100% NEW units!

SStt aarr tteerr ss••AAll tteerrnn aattoorr ss••GGeenn eerr aattoorrssRebuilt to SAVE you Money!

WBENC CERTIFICATION# WBE1701399

1-800-832-2489 • 815-756-9019

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

Dear Neighbor:I have great news for your wallet if your furnace is over 12years old. Allow me to explain...Every year, the months ofJanuary, February, & March can be slow for my business. I employ great people and want to keep them working during these long, slow months. That is why I’ve come upwith a Win Win Situation for both of us.

Every year, the big manufacturers of furnaces & air conditioners guess how many to build to meet the demand.Of course, they’re never exactly right. So, they always havesome inventory that they must hold over until the next summer season. I went to one of these companies andcontracted for the purchase of twenty-two Deluxe furnacesand air conditioners in the four most popular sizes used inKane County. And, because of the quantity and time ofyear, I was able to buy them at drastically reduced prices.

They are brand-new Deluxe Models. They are NOT the seconds or “blems” or standard “builder” models. They arefactory-fresh furnaces and air conditioners and have a full10-year factory warranty.

How To Get A Furnace For PeanutsIf you are interested in a new heating/cooling system (butonly if one of the four sizes I have will fit your house, ofcourse), I am “giving” you the furnace and all I ask for is the $941 in labor & material costs for installation alongwith the purchase of your air conditioner.

Perfect Fit For Your HomeI will come out and measure your home (and determinethe availability of the proper size). Don’t forget, I only have

22 matched Deluxe Systems in four sizes. When they aregone, this remarkable offer ends also. Just call 630-262-8484.

Absolutely No ObligationAfter I completely explain the installation, there is absolutelyno obligation. If you decide you don’t want to take advantage of the spectacular savings... That’s OK.

You Can Buy With NO Cash*You don’t even have to pay me right away. I have set up a terrific 0%* payment plan.

Fuel Efficiency Guarantee**I’m so confident that you will save at least 25% on your heating and cooling bills (I’m projecting more like 30%), that I will pay you the difference for a year if you don’t! I’llshow you exactly how this works. If these heating and air conditioning systems were not among the best on themarket, I couldn’t afford to make such a promise.

Why This Offer Can’t LastI only have a few of each of the four sizes. When all of the airconditioners are sold and all the furnaces are “given” away,that’s it. There are no more at this price. Call Bre now at(630)262-8484 to set up an appointment for your no-obligation survey.

Warmly,

*With approved credit. Ask for Details. **With high efficiency upgrade. 630-262-8484630-262-8484

If you qualify, local utilities may offer up to $650 in rebates towards your new system.

WITH OFF-SEASONAIR CONDITIONING

SSeerr vv iiccee NNooww HHeeaatt iinnggHHeellpp iinngg 2222 HHoommeeoowwnneerrss bbyy

““GGIIVVIINNGG AAWWAAYY”” FFuurrnnaacceess FFoorr $$994411

FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286

Marie DeMaria Real Estate Broker

Trust... Service...Priceless!

EXCELS

663300--556677--33330000

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3

Salon • Spa • Lash Studio

815-748-5887327 E. Hillcrest • DeKalb

Eyelash ExtentionsClassic • Volume • Fills

Eyebrow/Eyelash TintHair Extensions

Stephanie Brokop

Purchase aFULL SET OF LASHES,

& receive a FREElash & cleansing

brush set

Schedule your consultation withStephanie ~

Doctor Mistake During the course of being interviewed by the

press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?"

"Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"

Mathematically Speaking A high-school geometry teacher started a lesson on

triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greaterthan the measure of either of its corresponding remoteinterior angles."

He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes andasked him why.

"Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waitingfor you to start speaking English."

Price Reduction Our minister announced that admission to a church

social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price willbe only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you thatinformation for only 50 cents?"

Simple Support Last week my wife and I purchased a new

computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phonenumber we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. A mananswered the phone and I explained the problem tohim.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.

"Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what Ishould do as if I were a small child?"

"Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, couldyou please put your mommy on the phone?"

Begin Emergency LandingThe following is supposedly a true story. According to "The Australian," an airliner recently

encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing,

and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped immediately.A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained

that he had been jogging in place inside.

ANTIQUE - CLASSIC - SPECIAL INTEREST AUTOS

Old Coach Works Restoration

Whether it’s a reliable driver or a Concours Grand Champion

Repair - Update - Modify - RestoreWe Are Here To Help You Finish Your Project!

(630)553-0414 www.oldcoachworks.com

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4

THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEwww.ChicagoInstrumentExchange.com

24 yearsin business

W_ S_ll R_fur\ish_^ B[n^ Instrum_ntsB[n^ Instrum_nts

Buy • S_ll • Tr[^_Exp_]t @ffor^[\l_ Pri]_s on qu[lity Instrum_nts

in]lu^ing Trump_ts, Trom\on_s, Cl[rin_ts [n^ Flut_s.

17 North River St • Batavia, IL

(630)879-2815 Instrum_ntEx]h[ng_

500 B[n^ Instrum_nts For S[l_• Emerson Flute $100 • Armstrong Flute $200• Bundy Flute $200• Gemeinhardt Flute $200

• King Trombone $125• Jupiter Trigger Trombone $950• Bach Strad Trigger Trombone $999

• Buffet Clarinet B-12 $275• Artley Clarinet $150• Artley Wood Clarinet $395• Bessen Trumpet $275

• King Cornet $120• Bundy Cornet $175

• Bundy Piccolo (like new) $425

• Conn Alto Saxophone $350• Bundy Alto Saxophone $399• Vito Alto Saxophone $425• La Sax Tenor $850• Jupiter Euphonium $850• Bell Kit $100

LYMEDISEASE?GERMBUSTERS®

Call Dr. Bob Lyme Specialists847-741-4376

1710 N. Randall • ElginWWW.GERMBUSTERS.COM

LYMEDISEASE?

The Elgin High School Parent Teacher Organization Presents~ The 47TH Annual ~

Collectibles & Crafts

FLEAMARKET

Over200 Booths

Sunday, March 8 • 9am - 3:30pm

RaffleFood & Bakery

Elgin High School1200 Maroon Drive ~ Elgin, IL

General Admission . . . . $5.00 Students/Seniors . . . . . .$1.00Early 8:00am . . . . . . . .$10.00

Search for “Elgin High School Flea Market” on Facebook

HANDYMAN SERVICES

Call Sonnie630-465-4437

FREE ESTIMATES • REFERENCES UPON REQUEST

Experienced in all Home Improvements

No Job Too Small

10% OFFNew Customers

www.ClaessonCarpetCleaning.comInsured/Bonded • Elburn, IL • Family Owned/Operated

Residential - Commercial

Serving Kane & DeKalb counties for over 24 years!

Yes, we can CLEAN that for you!

ClaessonCarpet Cleaning

(630) 365-2099

Carpet • Furniture • Area Rugs Water in the Basement

You’ll LOVE havingCLEAN

CARPETS

Write for Mail OrderAn elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house

the following: "Please send me one of those gasolineengines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it'sany good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply:"Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

Dropped your WalletTwo fishermen were out on the lake when one of

them dropped his wallet. As they watched the walletfloat down to the depths of the lake, a carp camealong and snatched up the wallet. Soon came anothercarp who stole it away and then a third joined in.

Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the firsttime I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."(Get it? Wall-to-wall carpeting...)

Did you see That?Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says,

"Did you see that?""No," the second guy says."Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first

guy says."Oh," says the second guy.A couple of minutes later, The first guy says,

"Did you see that?""See what?" the second guy asks."Are you blind? There was a big, black bear

walking on that hill, over there.""Oh."A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you

see that?"By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so

he says, "Yes, I did!"And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in

it?"What’s the Subject

A bank robber pulls out a gun and points it at theteller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!"

The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to sayor you're history?"

The robber yells, "Don't change the subject!"



HAMPSHIRE100 W. Oak Knoll Dr

(847)683-3000

GENOA330 W. Main St 815-784-4300

Save up to60%Save up to60%

All NAPAGOLDTM Filters ON SALE!

UNTIL FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2020

IF IT’S A NAPAGold FILTER, IT’S ON SALE.So stop by, save money, and stock up for the season!

CURTISTOWING INC.

WE PAY CASH

ON THE SPOT!

7 DAYS A WEEK

24 Hrs 24 Hrs

WE BUY JUNK CARS WE BUY JUNK CARS FOR CASHFOR CASH

Any Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemAny Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-upWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-up

(630)817-3577(630)817-3577

CCUURRTTIISS

Naperville www.CurtisTowingAndSalvage.com Aurora

You love reading theORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

Your customers do too! Be a part of it!

Call Today! 815-751-1286

Catching the BearTwo men went bear hunting. While one stayed in

the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. Hesoon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he droppedhis rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as hecould. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a littlefaster and gained on him with every step. Just as hereached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over himand went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door andyelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while Igo and get another!"

This dog loves PeopleA normally sweet Great Dane Phil has one quirk:

she hates United Parcel Service drivers.While walking Phil one day, around the corner of a

house came a UPS man.Struggling to keep hold of Phil, the owner tried to

ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just lovesUPS men."

"Don't you feed him anything else?" he responded.

The Orange Peel Gazette is distributed by over 400 businesses throughoutKane & Kendall Counties including various...


All Answers Can Be Found Throughout The Ads

Appearing In This Issue Of The ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

DOWN1. American _____ Post 572. www.old_____works.com3. We buy _____ cars for cash4. For all of your post-_____ projects6. www.Chicago_____Exchange.com7. If it's a _____ filter, it's on sale11. Shop the _____ Valley

ACROSS5. _____byLinda.com8. You'll Love having clean _____9. It's your life. Your _____10. _____ Amusements12. You're in _____ hands.

Helping you buy & sell in the Western Suburbs

Thinking about selling in the Spring market?NOW is the time to prepare!

Call me. . . I'm here to help!

Becky SmithYour Realtor For Life

Cell: [email protected]

www.beckysmith.bairdwarner.com

On th_ Fl[m\_[u Riv_r15 mil_s W. of Fifi_l^, WI off Hwy 70

• Bar • Restaurant• Cabin Rentals • Shower House

• Canoe Rentals • Shuttle Service• ATV/Snowmobile Trail Access

WE SELL NON-ETHANOLPREMIUM GASOLINE

(715) 762-4786 • 6275 N Oxbo Dr • Park Falls, WI RESORT www.theoxboresort.com

Rosendale�|�Merrill �|�Minocqua�|�Weyauwega�|�Delavan�PINNOBUILDINGS.COM

888.567.7166

AGRICULTURE��HORSE

PERSONAL�SHOPSTORAGE

RESIDENTIALCOMMERCIALMINI-SMINI-STORAGE


THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

Want to appear in the next issue of the

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTECall Today! (815)751-1286

Control DiabetesBefore Diabetes Controls you

Freshly Prepared Meals Balanced NutritionSodium Restricted No Trans FatsConvenient and Delicious Delivery Available

It’s Your Life. Your Health. Take Control847-608-1100

Plasma Biological ServicesEarn Over $400 This Month

by Donating Plasma!!

• Donating Plasma is a Safe and Easy Way to Earn Money

• Your Plasma is Used in Products That Help Save Lives

• No Need for an Appointment Walk-ins are Welcome

• Additional Bonuses for Students IDs and Frequency

We are Open 6 Days a Week for Your Convenience Call for more information (847)531-8185

Mon-Thurs 7am - 6pm • Fri 7am - 4pm • Sat 8am - 3pm

1166 N. McLean Blvd.Elgin, IL 60123

Phone: 847-531-8185Located Just North of Big Timber Road

Proper Identification A woman went into a bank to get a check cashed,

but she didn't have an account with them. When theteller asked her for some identification, the womanshowed her several charge cards, her social securitycard and a library card.

The teller told her they needed a driver's license, butthe woman said she didn't have one.

"Don't you have anything with your picture on it?"the teller asked.

"Oh, sure," she said, as she flipped to a familyphoto in her wallet. "That's me in the back row."

The Old Junker His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable

shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the oldjunker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim.

Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than amile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had anote on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd ratherwalk.'"



111 N. Main Street

Federally Licensed Firearm Dealer • Transfers with Ease

We Buy & Sell FirearmsSafe • Discreet • Convenient • Fair

Free Appraisals

Route 47 • Elburn • www.kanecountycoins.com

Kane County Coins

630-365-9700630-365-9700Inherited an old gun &

not sure what to do with it . . Let Us Help!

DO YOU WANT TO SEE THEOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAzETTEAzETTEAT YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? ASK THE MANAGER TO GIVE US A CALL

815-751-1286815-751-1286

Buying Grades One day a professor was giving a big test to his

students. He handed out all of the tests and went backto his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.

The professor noticed that one of the students hadattached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "Adollar per point." The next class the professor handedthe tests back out.

This student got back his test and $64 change.

Ulterior Motive Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked

to carve the meat -- or worse yet, to watch the hostcarve while commenting on the surgeon's occupation.At one party, a surgeon friend was watching the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running commentary: "How am I doing, doc? How do you likethat technique? I'd make a pretty good surgeon, don'tyou think?"

When the host finished and the slices of meat layneatly on the serving platter, the surgeon spoke up:"Anybody can take them apart, Harry. Now lets seeyou put them back together again."

Call me childish, but beating the GPS time is an extreme sport for me.

Volunteers On the way back to New York as I was sitting in

the Phoenix airport, they announced that a flight toLas Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'dgive you a $100 voucher for your next flight and afirst class seat in the plane leaving an hour later.

About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eightof those people sat down grumpily as the lady behindthe ticket counter said, "If there is anyone elseOTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer,please step forward."

Dirty Magazines Soon after being transferred to a new duty station,

my Marine husband called home to tell me he wouldbe late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazineshad been discovered in the platoon's quarters and theyhad to discipline the whole squad. I launched into atirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging intheir quarters at our previous post, so his new platoonshould not be penalized for something trivial.

My husband calmly listened to my gripes and thenexplained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips fromtheir rifles had not been cleaned."

Feel better the natural way!@]upun]tur_\y Lin^[

663300--448888--66224433132 N. Main St • Elburnacupuncturebylinda.com

Linda A. OsterLicensed Acupuncturist

Oriental Medicine

Complete Junk Removal Complete Junk Removal & Light Demolition Services& Light Demolition Services

WE’LL REMOVE ANYTHING!WE’LL REMOVE ANYTHING!Basements • Entire Estates Garages • Attics • Sheds

Furniture • Appliances • PoolsConstruction Debris

877-545-0710877-545-0710www.AAAAmericanCleanouts.com

www.reelprovideo.com

REEL PRO VIDEOREEL PRO VIDEORestoring your past to preserve the future

630-879-8900

Photos? Home Movies? Slides?

TRANSFER TO DVD

Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548

Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296

Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing

Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting


ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9

Trimming • Pruning Stumps Removed

Firewood • Brush RemovalStorm Damage

(815)756-4411

TREE SERVICE

Angvick Antique Motors

(847)287-4413 • Oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]• PO Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109

Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BUY • SELL • RESTORE • REPAIR

• BUY YOUR ANTIQUE CAR• SELL YOUR ANTIQUE CAR

ON CONSIGNMENT• REPAIR YOUR ANTIQUE CAR• RESTORE YOUR ANTIQUE CAR

Painted Shut?

Weights Dropped?

(847)697-1974 Call Mark

WINDOWROPER R

opes Torn?

Pulle

y’s S

tuck

?

Se Habla Español

24/7 SAME DAY SERVICE

www.JJgaragedoor.com (224)217-1631

• Steel & Wood Doors • Remotes/Operators•Springs/Rollers/Cables/Tracks

SALES - SERVICE - INSTALLATION On All Makes & Models

Residential & Commercial

•Free Estimates •Insured •Warranty

Don’t Replace Your Old Concrete

JJuuss tt RRaaiiss ee ii tt aann dd SS aavvee mmoo rree tt hh aann 7700%%

Concrete Leveling is Mudjacking

630-440-2213jfconcretelifting.com [email protected]

Serving Aurora IL and Surrounding AreasAll Projects Have 3 Year Warranty

Driveways • Sidewalks • PatiosGarages • Stoops • Void Fills • Steps

Pool Decks • Commercial & Industrial Uses

Don’t Replace it...Raise It and Save Money

Before After Before After

Before After Before After

Don’t Replace it...Raise It and Save Money

IT PAYS TOSWITCH.

10998778

Harvey A. Goodwin630-585-7077

1649 Montgomery Rd., Ste. 10Aurora, IL 60504

[email protected]

Drivers who switched to Allstate saved an average of $356 a year. Call me today.

Savings based on national customer reported data for new policies written in 2016. Actual savings vary. Discounts subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Fire & Casualty Ins. Co., Allstate Vehicle & Property Ins. Co., Allstate Property & Casualty Ins. Co. & affiliates: 2775 Sanders Rd. Northbrook, IL

60062. © 2019 Allstate Insurance Co.

With a minimumpurchase of $10

(before taxes) receive

$1 OFF* $15 $5 OFF* $40 $2 OFF* $25 $10 OFF* $55

*Not to be used with any other offer.

1700 S. Douglas RdMontgomery • 630-892-1100

$5 Match Play Gaming Coupon

(1) per customer, per visitNot to be used with any other offer.

Come Play atGrandma’s!

Open ‘til Midnight

Family Restaurant

Young Love One night at the dinner table, the wife commented,

"When we were first married, you took the small pieceof steak and gave me the larger. Now you take thelarge one and leave me the smaller. You don't love meany more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you justcook better now."

Not Me! An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar speed

checking equipment, drove through a school zonewithin the legal speed limit when suddenly the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his car and license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, droveby again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did itagain for a third time, at an even slower speed. Sameresult. So, he made a note to himself to contact the traffic department and tell them that their machinewasn't working properly.

A few weeks later, the off-duty police officer received an envelope from the police department containing three traffic citations, each of them were for NOT wearing a seat belt.

Yummy, Bugs A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that

over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did

you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says."There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

This tooshallpass.

It mightpass like

a kidneystone.but it

will pass


Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?

The GeneralKnowledge Quiz 28

FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286

• 40 Years Experience• Electrical Repair or Replacement• Mechanical Repair• Fabrication and Welding• Custom Wood Working

CLASSIC AUTOMOBILE RESTORATION

663300--880022--88771144www.jeffbakerrestoration.com

LLC.

$856,000 Question...Who is the most filmed comic strip character?A) Zorro B) SupermanC) Batman D) Mr. Magoo $857,000 Question...Which country grows the most potatoes?A) Russia B) USAC) Ireland D) China$858,000 Question...What does a drosomoter measure?A) temperature B) dewC) altitude D) rope strength$859,000 Question...In law what is a co-parcener?A) victim B) the accusedC) joint heir D) judge

$860,000 Question...What does a psephologist study? A) gems B) mindC) mountains D) voting, elections$861,000 Question...Which country owns the Hen and Chicken islands?A) Japan B) New Zealand C) Brazil D) Mexico$862,000 Question...The guillotine was invented for chopping off what?A) feet B) handsC) heads D) arms$863,000 Question...Which country invented the bedsprings?A) USA B) NetherlandsC) Greece D) Egypt

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $856 - A; $857 - A; $858 - B; $859 - C; $860 - D; $861 - B; $862 - B; $863 - C.

Coming Soon...Classes to Educate & Empower Women

Pretty Strong is about acceptance.Women Helping Women.

Visit ourCoffee Bar to relax & chat.

It’s Our Time To Soar!

Order Online at:

A portion of all profits will be used to help women in need in the local community.1924 McDonald Rd • S Elgin • 847-728-8880

www.prettystrongshop.com

Gift Shop for Empowering Women

Preparing Chickens A guy was at a restaurant and couldn't figure out

what to get so he asked the waiter, whom he knew,"What do you recommend, Henri?"

"Well, today our special is chicken on a bed of wildrice with green beans almondine and a nice side saladwith a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice ofbeverage and dessert."

"That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?""We break it to him very gently and tell him it's

nothing personal"

CockroachA man was sitting at home one evening, when the

doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tallcockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.

The next evening, the man was sitting at home whenthe doorbell rang again. When he answered the door,the cockroach was there again. This time, it punchedhim, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.

The third evening, the man was sitting at homewhen the doorbell rang. When he answered the door,the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him andstabbed him several times before running off. Thegravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephoneand summoned an ambulance.

He was rushed to intensive care, where they savedhis life.

The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds.He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.

The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes,there's a nasty bug going around."

Fore! My 5-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my

brother's golf game. "You have to count my strokes,"my brother told him. "How much is six plus nine pluseight?"

"Five." answered the nephew. "Okay," my brother said, "let's go."



Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

Happy Valentine’s Day

• Avoid Probate Court• Maintain Control of your Healthcare and Finances• Provide for your loved ones• Avoid Crisis Management

Documents We Recommend:1. Healthcare Power of Attorney and

Living Will2. General Power of Attorney3. Last Will

Wednesday, February 26

Presented by:

Burton A. Brown

6:00pm - 8:00pm320 N. 2nd St • St. Charles

ESTATE PLANNINGWHAT TO DO TO PROTECT YOUR ASSETS

*Advertising Material Only. Not affiliated with Venue

312-236-5582Leave message with name, date and number attending

At a Grocery StoreA man observed a woman in the grocery store with

a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed thecookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and hermother told her, "No." The little girl immediatelybegan to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly,"Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to gothrough - don't be upset. It won't be long now."

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girlbegan to shout for candy. When told she couldn't haveany, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there,Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and thenwe'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girlimmediately began to clamor for gum and burst into aterrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gumpurchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll bethrough this check out stand in 5 minutes and then youcan go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot andstopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't helpnoticing how patient you were with little Monica," hebegan.

The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl'sname is Tammy."

Beans...A teacher asked her students to use the word

"beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans,"said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said aboy. A third student spoke up, "We are allhuman beans."

ElbuEElElbElburElburn LiElburnElburn Elburn LElburn LionElburn LioElburn Lions BElburn LionsElburn Lions Elburn Lions BingElburn Lions BiElburn Lions BinElburn Lions BingoElburn Lions Bingo

Doors open at 5:00pm Early Bird Bingo at

6:30pm Regular Bingo at 7:00pm Split the Pot Raffles Progressive Pot Raffles

Pull Tabs Food and Beverages for

purchase You must be 18 years of

age or older to play

Elburn Lions Club 500 Filmore Street Elburn, IL 60119

630-365-6315 www.elburnlions.com

Bingo License #B-04001 | Pull Tab License #P-01921

PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES

IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL

HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472

The point is not to payback

kindnessbut topass it

on.



• Foggy or cracked glass replacement• Broken window and door repair

www.ClassicGlassAndGlazing.com

Classic Glass and Glazing 224-228-1000

Glass Repair and Replacement

• Advertising that works • No Contracts • Great ResultsBe part of the next issue...815-751-1286

Did you know?The Orange Peel Gazette

is distributed to over400 locations

across Kane & Kendall Counties

(815) 827-3051

210 MAIN STREET • MAPLE PARK

PEG’S ON MAIN

~ Visit our Gift Shop ~for Cards, Home Decor & Gifts Galore

Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman

Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop

Pamper yourselfor someone special with a new look!

35 Unique ShopsUnder One RoofHOURS: Tues - Sat 10-5Thurs 10-8, Sunday 11-5

701 N. State St. (Rt 31) Elgin, IL 60123

1 mile S. of I-90 (847)695-3066www.StateStreetMarketShops.com

Enjoy the day at theLARGEST

GIFT & ANTIQUEShop in The Fox Valley

Movies ChangedFor the first time in many years, an old man

traveled from his rural town to the city to attend amovie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $8.50, he couldn't help butcomment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You'rereally going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."

What is your Name?Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated

with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs, and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with thesign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?" he muses. "How in the heck doesthat fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees anold Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a namelike 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers,"Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is theowner?"

"Me...is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans

Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year

ago when come to this country, was stand in line atDocumentation Center. Man in front was big blondeSwede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go,'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting."

I wish I

coulddrop

my body off at

the gymand

pick itback up

when It’s

ready!!!



TUFFY AUTO SERVICE1555 US Hwy 34Oswego, IL 60543

630.898.6220

TUFFY AUTO SERVICE23846 W 135th StreetPlainfield, IL 60544

815.436.1337

2 LOCATIONS TO BETTER SERVE...

OPG OPG OPG

14

AMERICAN LEGION POST 57820 N. LIBERTY STREET • ELGIN, IL 60120

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC10AM - CLOSE

Video Gaming: 10am - Close • Full Bar: Sunday - Saturday

Monday Night: queen of Hearts Drawing at 8pm & sales during regular hours

Thursday Night Lightning: Starts at 6pmHamburger Night: Thursdays 5:30pm - 7:30pmSpaghetti Night: 2nd Wednesday 5pm - 7pmLunch: Wednesday - Friday 11:30am - 1pmFish Fry Night: Fridays 4pm - 7pmBreakfast: 2nd Sunday 9am - Noon

The American Legion is 100 years strong and looking for another 100 years of service to our veterans, our community and our Nation.

Come and visit our Post home.

(Except Mother’s Day & Easter when Buffets are offered and Father’s Day with Eggs to Order)

Fri^[y Sun^[yBingo Bingo7 - 10pm 1:30 - 5pm

(Card Sales start at 6pm) (Card sales start at 12:30pm)

Veterans Benefit Days

4th Friday of Month 9:30am - 2pmno appointment needed

Hall Rental: Call (847) 741-1669 or (847) 741-1684

Catching the FishJim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in

the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket andordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pickfour large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange

roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said

that if you came by, I should tell you to take orangeroughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

The Stockbroker The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one

morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'dlike to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied."Right now I'd say he's sheepish."


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a

carfax report and many arepriced in the

$3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends

in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543

630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWI

Military uniforms,photos, swords, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, estate items,older firearms, collector

630-215-3664_______________

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers

(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc

Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs,

Upholstery, RV’sResidential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANINGGARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)

Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$150 Mixed Face Cord$175 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$13.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 14

HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com

(630) 360-3039_______________

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

GLASS REPAIR

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

St. Charles 206-432-1682_______________

Painting - Ceramic TileElectrical - PlumbingSOFT DESIGNS847-274-8347

________________

FOR SALE

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance

HOUSE CLEANING

Audelia & Veronica’sHouse Cleaning Services

630-935-5287630-506-2895

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Do A Plan B /Work HomeFT/PT-Pro's&Travel AgentsEARN As You Learn/Easy

Call: 888 648 3030_______________

HELP WANTED

Manufacturing Companyseeks Full Time Punch PressOperators. Wages based onexperience, if none, willtrain. Call 630-466-1150

for an interview________________

The Orange Peel Gazette islooking for individuals todistribute our happy little

paper in S. Elgin, St Charles,Geneva areas. 2 days/month

Flexible time/hoursCall 815-751-1286

Mike’s Home Improvement20 yrs. exp. No job toosmall. Ref avail. Quality

work. Reasonable rates. Free estimates. 630-723-4254

[email protected]

HOME IMPROVEMENT

Mfg. Co. seeks QA/QCInspector; We are looking for

an inspector who can perform First Piece, In-Process and Final

Inspection. Requirements:Blueprint reading skills.

Proficiency using inspectionequipment (ie; caliper, micrometer, height gage,comparator, etc) MicrosoftOffice (word, excel, email)computer skills. Inspectionequipment calibration skillsand first article knowledge.Call 630-466-1150 for an

interview._______________

HELP WANTED

Sign co. seeking skilledperson in sign & assemblyof interior /exterior. Willtrain the right person, musthave valid driver lic, speakclear English, professionalappearance, full benefits.

Alphabet Shop 847-888-3150_______________

Civil War Books, over 400,some leather bound,

complete sets, plus many individual. $2 and up. Leavemessage (630)882-9977

______________

HANDYMAN

2004 Chevy Cavalier 2DR26-35mpg, 2.2 DOHC, 4cylAT w/OD, 5 pass, AC, CC,

ED, CD, dependable, some rust, runs A1, Clean$1550 (847)524-2723_______________

Blown in Attic Insulationand removal + other services

Insured; 25 years Exp.Floyd (331)228-0191

INSULATION

WANTED

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907_______________

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets

Double French Horns, Saxophones (847)951-7098

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

_______________

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulching fertilizing & weed control,

pruning, planting, residential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502_______________


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)

Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221_______________

LAWN CAREPAINTING

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Blocks

Tuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)273-2010

WINDOW CLEANING

TREE SERVICES &BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,

Stump Grinding, Chipping,Haul Away

Call the office or text cell forestimate. Se Habla Español

Office: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

OPG - CLASSIFIED ADS & BUSINESS DIRECTORY$13.50 FOR 4 LINES (2 ISSUE MINIMUM) • CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286 • PAGE 15

Next Issue Ad DeadlineMarch 4 February 21

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286

VINNY’S PLUMBINGNo job too small!

Call us for all your plumbingneeds. Main lines, powerrodding, hot water heater,bathroom remodeling, newconstruction, frozen pipes,faucets, garbage disposals Licensed &Bonded 058-176546Call 630-392-0429

PLUMBING

Trees are dormant in Winter,BUT Arbor Joe is NOT!

Call ISA Certified ArboristJoe (224) 789 - 8773. www.ArborJoe.com________________

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable.Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories

and jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any

group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel

Gazette for products or services offered.

TREE SERVICEMOVING

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesClean Outs/Buy & Sell

Reasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big KenCall Mon - Fri after 5 or anytime weekends

REMODELING

INVESTING

Have 401(k) questions?Let’s talk.

Don Oblazney, Financial AdvisorEdward Jones(630) 551-0625

Ode to Cranky MenI chanced to pass a windowWhile walking through a mall

With nothing much upon my mind,Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window

A cranky-faced old man,And why he looked so cranky

I didn't understand. Just why he looked at ME that way

Was more than I could seeUntil I came to realize

That cranky man was ME!~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How long do you keep a pair of jeans hoping you’ll fit back into them again one day?

It’s thirty years, right?

Want to appear in the next issue of the

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTECall Today! (815)751-1286

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON MARCH 4, 2020


AcceptingE SCRAP

• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan •Aurora

M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30

STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES

TOP CASH PAID for

Ferrous & Non-Ferrous

Metals

Ecology Tech Inc

630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com

1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan

Since 1988

815-756-9019 • 1-800-832-2489

BE PREPARED FOR THE SNOW

M.A.R.S., Inc.Starters - AlternatorsStarters - Alternators

GeneratorsGenerators

We can increase voltage & amperage at low rpm

on most vehicles

100% New Motorsfor Snow Plows & Salt Spreaders

Find out about the CatA chauffeur worked for a woman who took her

cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver dropped her at a mall

before he gassed up. The cat remained in the car,laying down on the top of the limousine's back seat.

The service station's attendant often glanced atunusual passenger. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that catsomeone important?"

Writing letters to SonOne student fell into a cycle of classes, studying,

working and sleeping.He didn't realize how long he had neglected

writing home until he received the following note:"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last

letter. Of course, we were much younger then, andmore impressionable. Love, Dad."

- - - - - - - - - -My wife made me coffee this morning and

winked at me when she handed me the cup.

I’ve never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.

ONLY $99ANY DRAIN CLEARED

PROFESSIONALLY CLEAN ANY DRAIN INSIDE YOUR HOME. REGULARLY $195

$100 OffPURCHASE OF A WATER HEATER

OR WATER CONDITIONING SYSTEMFREE ESTIMATES

$100 OffBACK UP SUMP PUMP

SYSTEM INSTALLEDFREE ESTIMATES

SERVICE NOW PLUMBING SERVICE NOW PLUMBING SERVICE NOW PLUMBING

ASK OUR PLUMBER ABOUT OUR EPA FRIENDLY DRAIN MAINTENANCEASK OUR PLUMBER ABOUT OUR EPA FRIENDLY DRAIN MAINTENANCE

630-262-8484

Coupon must be presented at time of purchase. Cannot be combined with anyother offer. Some restrictions may apply.Expires 2/29/2020

Coupon must be presented at time of purchase. Cannot be combined with anyother offer. Some restrictions may apply.Expires 2/29//2020

Coupon must be presented at time of purchase. Cannot be combined with anyother offer. Some restrictions may apply.Expires 2/29/2020