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RIDING THE BUELL XB12X ULYSSES

HighAdventurerSee page 73

See “Lone Star Rally,” page 36, column 1

by Robert Filla

GALVESTON, TEXAS, NOV. 1–4—With promoterson a determined quest to find unique and specialtyevents to revitalize the diminished attendance at manycurrent bike rallies, the team down in Galveston decid-ed that variety is the spice of life. If life really is like abox of chocolates, then this year’s Lone Star Rally wasa giant bag of mixed nuts, with a little bit of everythingtossed onto the rally snack tray.

While this seaside resort island is best known as atourist destination for families, a jumping-off point forfishing charters, and a shopping mecca during its winterDickens on the Strand presentations, the Lone Star

HOGS ON THE HIGH SEAS FALL RALLY

Bikeless bikers cruise the Caribbean

by Walt Lumpkin

PORT CANAVERAL, FLA., NOV. 3–11—Ahoy, Maties! I knew the Hogs on theHigh Seas trip was gonna be good before I even left Atlanta. We were sitting at the

bar near the gate for our flight. A young couple sat down and ordered beer.When they inquired if we would be on the HOHS cruise I asked, What

makes you think that?” Humoring me, the man said,“You have on Harley shirts, you

See “Hogs on the High Seas,”page 14, column 1

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shirts, you are flying to Orlando, and you are drinking Jack Daniel’s at 10:30 in the morning.” You just can’t fool the kids anymore.

Saturday night before the cruise, the outside bars at the RadissonHotel in Port Canaveral were crowded, with the music setting the moodfor a top-notch biker bon voyage party. Actually this party started aboutlunchtime. We were scheduled to board the Royal Caribbean shipMariner of theSeas Sunday after-noon. I wasn’tsure the sonicboom from aspace shuttlelaunch at nearbyCape Canaveralwould be a suffi-cient wake-up call for somewhen the noonhour approachedthe next day.Founder DeanAnderson hadwarned me to pacemyself, because Hogs on the High Seas journeys can be hard on theliver and head. If your head is hurting and your liver is quivering youwill certainly not enjoy the gentle pitching and yawing the waters ofthe Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico offer during the waning days of hur-ricane season.

The Reader’s Digest version of the origins of this rally is simple.Dean and Debbie Anderson were attending a weekend rally. They experi-

enced anepiphany whenthey realized thatthe rally was justlike the one theweek before andthe one beforethat. They askedthemselves howthey could do itdifferent and bet-ter. Obviously abit of alcoholmust have beeninvolved whenthe suggestion ofa biker rally onthe high seas wasfirst broached.The following days of sobriety were used to iron out the details and acruise line was contacted. After the execs recovered from their collectivehyperventilating, they referred the situation to their head of security. Theexecs told Dean and Debbie if the chief of security approved, they couldbegin selling berths on one of their ships. Little did the suits know theirtop cop was a biker.

I have learned through the years to trust my instincts and firstimpressions. Talking with Dean several times before the trip to workout logistical problems on my end demonstrated to me the dedicationto detail that he and Debbie devote to their rally on the water. Seeingthem interacting with the partiers on Saturday told me this is a labor oflove, even though it involves a lot of hard work. But the real satisfac-tion is providing a first-class experience for first-time cruisers as wellas those with multiple HOHS cruises under their belts. (The most fre-quent question asked is, “Are you a virgin?” This had nothing to do

with scouting for pure damsels to be used as sacri-fices at the Mayan ruins of Tulum in Cozumel. Itwas everyone’s way of determining whether youhad been on any of the previous HOHS runs).

The Mariner of the Seas set sail at 5:00 Sundayafternoon, with over 1,700 HOHS revelers aboard.Riders from 49 of the United States and severalforeign countries were on board. I met many peoplefrom Washington state, the Midwest and Alaskaand a bunch of Canucks. It was already snowing inthe North Country and they were glad to be in theCaribbean aboard the Mariner.

The security to get on a cruise ship is tighterthan Dick’s hatband. Additionally, each time youreboard at the various ports of call, your carry-onpurchases and your personal effects have to bescanned. They didn’t have any of those canineswith their cold noses sniffing your crotch but theywere serious about what you could and could notbring aboard. And don’t forget your Sea Card. It’snot only your ID to gain access to the ship but isalso the only form of payment accepted once onboard. You can probably stow away more easily onthe Space Shuttle than on a cruise ship.

At the welcome gathering the first night out,Dean and Debbie told the newbies what to expectover the next seven days. Again we heard theadmonishment to pace ourselves and not try toexperience everything available on our maiden voy-age. To set the tone for the week the winner of thefirst night’s 50/50 drawing took home over $3,600.Subsequent nightly 50/50 drawings were over

Hogs on theHigh SeasContinued from page 1

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Word of the day: Arrrg!

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$6,000. HOHS probably has the largest giveaway inventory in the rally business. Well over$300,000 worth of products,services and cash were given tothe winners during the cruise.Out of the cash prizes frompoker walks and 50/50 drawings,over $17,000 was given back forthe dialysis fund, which totaled$182,895. Biker Bingo was verypopular. The large payout pergame got the attention of youngand old alike and the slots in theship’s casino were very friendly.

Kidney dialysis is the charityof choice for HOHS. These pa-tients have to sit three or morehours, three to four days each weekfor dialysis to clean their blood of

wastes and toxins. There were 15 ralliers on board who requireddialysis. Their total medical costswere covered by HOHS and theirairfare is also paid. Each one re-ceived $400 to spend. Part of theship’s medical ward was turnedinto a dialysis clinic for the dura-tion of the trip. Jodi and Craig ofSpokane, Washington, were two of the beneficiaries on board. Jodihas been on the transplant list forover two years and statistically sheshould receive a kidney sometimein the spring of 2008. She hascome to terms with the inconven-ience associated with her conditionbut understands the constraints itplaces on Craig because she can-not normally travel on long trips

away from her clinic.Several of the dialysispatients expressedtheir heartfelt thankson stage to Dean andDebbie and the bikersfor their generosity.The average age onthis cruise was 52.One cruiser was asecond tripper twoyears ago as just oneof the gang. This yearhe was a dialysispatient. We are get-ting older, so takecare of your health.

The first nightout of Port Canaveralthe late movie on theship television wasthe classic that setthe standard for thebiker B movies ofthe ’60s: “The WildOne” with Brandoand Lee Marvin.How appropriate.“The Wild Hogs”was shown numerous

nights but unless you spokeSpanish, French, German orPortuguese you might as well hit the bar for a late toddy.

The Mr. HOHS contest tookplace poolside during the first fullday at sea. The pageant runwayshave no chance of seeing theseguys anytime soon, but they wereentertaining. Seventy-two-year-old Tony from Liverpool,England, wonthe pose-off.He is a 24-year veteranof the BritishArmy andafter his retire-ment he owned apub that was a gather-ing place for Brits onbikes where, heinformed me, they spenta lot of money. Bikersaren’t much differentacross the pond, I guess.

The first port of call, onthe island of Hispaniola, isRoyal Caribbean’s privateresort Labadee. One of thecruise’s most popular conteststook place here, with partiersexchanging T-shirts during aChinese auction. The way it worksis based on systematic selection ofthe players, each of whom gets tomake a one-time selection of anyshirt from any other participant

until the last player selects. A pop-ular shirt may be taken numeroustimes before the auction is com-pleted. The property has manybars and a couple of buffet pavil-ions. Also on Labadee they havefive zip lines descending from atower on the ridgeline above thebeach. Close out your tab, grab abuddy and head to the hills.

Our captain was not exactly acharacter one would expect to seein charge of one of the largestcruise liners in the world. Johnny

Faevelen started riding bikes whenhe was 12 years old in his nativeNorway. Today he pilots theMariner of the Seas as easily as hedoes his bright yellow H-D RoadKing Custom. And parallel park-ing the 2003 model year Mariner’s1,020-foot length, 157-foot beamand 142,000-ton displacement isno easy task, but he can parallelpark that sucker on a dime. Theresponsibility of over 3,000 pas-sengers and 1,200 crew can beoverwhelming, but the captain’s

serious attitude at work andlighthearted approach

to life seems to work.Hearing about his

travels on theEuropean conti-nent during his

months at

home tells the story of his love ofmotorcycling.

Captain Johnny had the RoadKing delivered onshore in Labadeeso he could ride around the beacharea and passengers could havetheir pictures taken with him.Jealousy is not pretty, but not hav-ing been on a bike in almost a

week had some contem-plating mutiny and con-fiscating the bike soeveryone could have atwo-wheeled fix. TheRoad King is kept in thelower hold area known asJohnny’s Garage, wherean H-D Bar & Shield ispainted on the wall. Likeany biker with limitedriding space and time hehas been known to ridethe bike around the ship.

His biography, “The FishermanWho Became Captain of theWorld’s Largest Cruise Ship,” wasfor sale in the ship’s promenade.

The food on the boat is mostlyincluded in the fare but you willhave to foot the bill for your per-sonal alcohol habits. Some told metheir bar tabs hit two grand duringthe last cruise. Oenophiles werekept happy with a fine wine list.

Continued from previous page

ge

Captain Johnny invites envy on Labadee

Kevin Martin from DragonFly proving a scooterwill do wheelies!

See “Hogs on the High Seas,” page 16, column 1

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After a couple of days (especially if you’reone of the top drinkers) you tend to lose trackof time. A daily bulletin delivered to the smallbut very comfortable staterooms each morninghelped cruisers decide what to do by providinga schedule and a brief description of the activ-ities. If you forget what day it is and your eyeswon’t focus on the small print, just go to theelevator. Press the call button. When the dooropens, look down. Each day the crew puts aninsert in the carpet to help you remember whatday it is.

If you are in the market for practically anywatch made anywhere in the world you canfind it in Grand Cayman, the next stop in ourCaribbean odyssey. The selection ranges fromthe cheap plastic Swatch for a few dollars tothe high-dollar Rolex andPatek Philippe lines. I evenfound a limited edition tita-nium marine chronographfor $26,000. A little ducttape and it could becomethe timepiece for your bike.Georgetown, the capital cityof the Cayman Islands, isalso one of the best places in the world for jewelry.Bracelets, rings, necklacesand earrings are availablefrom multiple internationalsources. The various storesare located next door toeach other and the bikercrowd is no stranger to bling. If they didn’tsell anything it wasn’t for lack of trying orlack of biker money.

Grand Cayman offers one of the mostunusual experiences available to water adven-turers. Sting Ray City gives divers the oppor-tunity to pet and feed these creatures of thesea. Their upper body skin is smooth buttough. Their underbelly, where the mouth islocated, is soft and supple. They are fed sever-al times a day and love the interaction with thedivers and the squid treats they receive. If youscuba dive, the North Wall is just a short dis-tance farther out. For experienced deep divers,the shelf is about 80 feet deep at the wall. Goover the wall and it is almost 6,000 feetstraight down.

Despite the island adventures available,someone always has to create his or her ownspecialized bit of mayhem and demonstratethat the streets of Georgetown are not safefrom the biker element. This time it was KevinMartin from Dragonfly who gave a two-wheeled performance, including wheelies andstoppies, in the alley near the Hard Rock Caféon a rented scooter. You can take the biker outof the country, but…

With activities and meals lasting from6:00 a.m. until after midnight each day, a lot

of us were discussing afternoon napsso we could hang with the youngercrowd later and experience as muchfun as possible.

Cozumel, off the coast ofMexico, is the home of world-infamous Carlos and Charlie’s Bar.The DJs and music at C&Ch areworld class and the antics around the bar mimic anything you wouldimagine at a biker rally and thensome. Nudity is discouraged but bylunchtime I was seeing some bodyparts that should be not be seen inpublic. (Good thing I ate breakfastearly.) We were also introduced to the newMargaritaville in Cozumel. Next year it will probably be the central party locationsince it is larger than C&Ch, is oceanside and has an outdoor deck. You can wear yourswimsuit and splash your little pea-pickingflippers till your toes and fingers shrivel up.

HOHS has good relations with numerous bars and restaurants, but the success of therally means that bigger facilities are necessaryto accommodate the large contingent ofHOHS partiers.

This year tattooists Raz and daughterBrittany were on board to provide ink serviceto passengers. One such passenger was hisCanadian friend Lyle Volden, a.k.a. Whitey,whose back piece reflects the fact he has beenon most of the HOHS cruises. During ourjourney Raz completed a forearm portrait ofLyle’s brother, who passed away several weeksprior to the trip.

My new friend Spike from Ohio turnedme on to the great mojitos at the SchoonerBar on board the Mariner. And take my wordfor it, Smiley makes the best mojitos on theplanet and one of the bartenders at Buffet’splace on Grand Cayman makes the bestMudslides in the world. (I forgot her name but by this time I was having a hard timeremembering my own.)

The Royal Caribbean made special con-sideration for bikers as to what was acceptableattire each night. The usual protocol at sea isformal dress at the evening meal. “BikerAttire” was approved for HOHS passengers.

Our formal nights had themes such as Leather,Caribbean or Mardi Gras.

The statuesque Dawn Glencer of CarolinaCruiser TV was touring with the HOHS crewand taping the shenanigans for future viewingon her television show and website (carolinacruiser.tv). Her crew also provided some ofthe video for the on board telecasts in ourstaterooms. By the time you read this youshould be able to view the HOHS footageonline.

The vendor and bike giveaways are notraffles. When you board the ship your name isentered in the drawing. No need to buy orkeep up with any tickets. What would you doif you had a free chance to win a top-of-the-line, customized motorcycle? “Show up forthe drawing” would be a good answer. The first night the winner was present. Thesecond night the ticket holder was asleep in hisroom. “Dumb Ass” is the moniker hung like analbatross on those who are not present whentheir name is called. It is bad enough to miss out on an SK toolkit worth severalhundred dollars or a detachable Dragonfly fair-ing, complete with sound, worth a couple thou-sand dollars, but when your name is called towin a $60,000 trike built by Gear Gasm andyou are not present you become Dumb AssNumber One.

We met DA#1 during the Saturday nightfinale. He readily accepted his title. But aswith most titles, someone is always trying towrest it from you. The first name drawn for the$45,000 custom bagger from Fat Baggers Inc.was not at the show. Alas, the title was passed,and when that individual awoke the next morn-ing, I’m sure the hangover was compoundedwith the news from the previous night. It wasprobably divine intervention that the secondname drawn was Tom Dance, who was onstandby two weeks before we set sail. His wifeis a dialysis nurse. Sometimes life gives youlemonade—or in this case a tropical fruit drink complete with umbrella.

The Hogs on the High Seas is one memorable party. But I advise that you prac-tice one policy: Always look your fellowHOHS cruisers squarely in the eye. That waymaybe you can remember their faces, sinceyou may not recognize them with their clothes on at the airport. Argggggh! 4

Hogs on theHigh SeasContinued from page 15

Must be Formal Night

One way to cover your bar tab

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