KENNETH ZEIGLER, LCSW-C AND

AMY PRICE, LCPC

OCTOBER 22, 2009

Managing the Stress of the Holidays: Setting Boundaries to Maintain Wellness

What we will cover…

Defining boundariesBoundary-setting during the holidaysBoundary-setting and self-awarenessPractical tips for good boundary-setting

Defining Boundaries

“A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others” (Katherine, 1991, p. 14)

• Dynamic• Self-determined• Evocative of individual identity• Varying

“Boundaries come in assorted shapes and sizes. They can be rigid like a brick wall or as flexible as a plastic bag, as impenetrable as a lead shield or as permeable as a chain-link fence” (Katherine, 1991, p. 20)

What’s difficult about setting boundaries?

Counter-intuitiveWe feel selfishTraditions are difficult to breakOften met with resistance

What’s difficult about setting boundaries during the holidays?

Holidays heighten tensionTension increases stressStress increases struggles with boundary-

setting

Is there another way?

Tension as a means to change

Boundaries and Self-Awareness

“Good boundaries enable us to define ourselves” (Katherine, 1991, p. 205)

They enable us to:

*Understand identity*Establish voice*Develop priorities

Self-Awareness cont…

What stops us from setting boundaries?

• Guilt• Obligation• Tradition• People-pleasing

Steps to Good Boundary-Setting

“If you continue to tolerate behavior that is unacceptable to you, you are making a conscious decision to do so. You must make the choice to set boundaries” (Levang, 2009, p. 2).

1. Acknowledge feelings without judgment

Boundary-setting cont…

2. Create a Plan

RelationalEmotionalSpiritualTime-orientedFinancialUnderstandingLegitimate

Boundary-setting cont…

3. Accept change

4. Defer grievances “Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations” (Mayo Clinic, 2007, p. 3).

5. Be flexible

Boundary-setting cont…

6. Don’t abandon healthy habits

7. Learn forgiveness

8. Celebrate your true meaning of the holiday season

Boundary-setting cont…

9. Know what you want

10. Design an exit strategy

Worksheet

What can you take away from tonight?

Q & A

Any questions?

References

Katherine, A. (1991). Where you end and I begin. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Levang, C. (2009). How to set boundaries with family and friends. Associated Content. www.associatedcontent.com

Mayo Clinic. (2007). Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping. www.mayoclinic.com