kindling
DESCRIPTION
Written as a spec script for THE MINDY PROJECT. Synopsis: Mindy helps Betsy navigate the online dating world.TRANSCRIPT
THE MINDY PROJECT
"Kindling"
Written by
calmdowncheryl
Based on
Mindy Kaling’s "THE MINDY PROJECT"
January 5, 2014 calmdowncheryl.tumblr.com/ask
TEASER
1 INT. MINDY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
MINDY and CLIFF are sitting in Mindy’s bed. Cliff is
reading, and Mindy’s on her laptop. Cliff looks over and
sees Mindy scrolling through pictures of BETSY. He tries to
go back to reading, but he’s too distracted.
CLIFF
I know we said we’d try to talk
about work less, but I feel the
need to give you unsolicited legal
advice.
MINDY
I’m just helping Betsy with her
Kindling pic.
CLIFF
"Kindling"?
MINDY
Yeah.
CLIFF
What’s that?
MINDY
A dating app.
Mindy grabs her phone and huddles closer to Cliff to show
him how it works.
On Mindy’s phone, we see a series of pictures of men.
MINDY (O.S.)
Swipe left means you aren’t
interested.
She swipes left, and a big, red X covers the man’s face.
MINDY (O.S.) (cont’d)
Swipe right means you’re attracted.
She swipes on a different photo, and big green CHECKMARK
covers the man’s face.
MINDY
If you both swipe right, you’re a
match! Then you can message each
other and set up a date.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
CLIFF
I again feel the need to give you
unsolicited legal advice.
MINDY
She asked me to help her.
Cliff looks relieved.
CLIFF
Oh, okay. So, what’s with the
laptop?
Mindy sets her phone down on the bed and returns to the
laptop.
MINDY
Photoshop.
Cliff shoots her a look.
MINDY (cont’d)
What? Nothing drastic. Betsy just
doesn’t have a picture that says
"I’m sweet" without saying "I
remind you of your little sister"
or "You could probably get away
with date raping me".
(beat)
Ooh! Idea!
Mindy opens her own picture album and scrolls through
pictures of her at various places, restaurants, etc. Some of
them are with friends, but most of them are with other guys.
Mindy selects a rare photo in which she is alone, a candid
of her at a rooftop party during sunset, the New York City
skyline behind her. Mindy smiles to herself and Photoshops
a candid picture of Betsy convincingly into her place.
CLIFF
Hey, that’s pretty good.
(beat)
You seem to know a lot about this
stuff.
MINDY
Yeah, well, I am a connoisseur of
most of the dating technologies
that have ever existed: eHarmony,
match.com, OKCupid, and for a brief
accidental period, Grindr.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
CLIFF
See, I can’t read if you hated that
last one because I kind of think
you loved it.
MINDY
Kindling’s also great because you
don’t have those stupid info boxes.
CLIFF
What, like, "Likes", "Dislikes"?
MINDY
Yeah. That stuff is super annoying
to write.
CLIFF
Why?
MINDY
How are you supposed to fit
everything into a couple hundred
characters? It’s like,
(to her phone)
"Hello, tri-state area! I am a
complex person! I have more than a
couple hundred characters’ worth of
Interests!"
She goes back to her laptop.
CLIFF
Jeez. All this technology. Whatever
happened to just meeting someone
through a friend or talking to
someone you thought looked
interesting while at a wine
tasting...
Mindy smirks at him.
CLIFF (cont’d)
Or the Man Store, on your way to
buy some duct tape or a bear trap.
Mindy smiles to herself and continues working.
MINDY
Sounds like something Danny would
say.
Cliff looks a little disappointed at the mention of Danny’s
name.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
CLIFF
Well, I tried match.com once
before. I didn’t really care much
for all the messaging back and
forth.
MINDY
That’s funny, given how we met.
CLIFF
(embarrassed)
Ha, yeah.
MINDY
Remember?
CLIFF
Yup.
MINDY
With the Morgan and the Peter and
the inappropriateness and the
betrayal --
CLIFF
-- How can I forget. You deleted
those, right?
Mindy smiles devillishly at Cliff.
MINDY
I don’t delete anything, Cliff.
They playfully scuffle over Mindy’s phone.
END TEASER
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
ACT ONE
2 INT. SHULMAN & ASSOCIATES - BREAK ROOM - DAY
Mindy opens the fridge to grab her lunch. A pungent ODOR
wafts up slowly at first, but then it punches her in the
face. Mindy covers her nose with her scrub top and squints
into the fridge.
MINDY
Oh, god!!
She sees BETSY’S CELL PHONE placed next to her
Tupperware. Mindy grabs the container and the phone.
3 INT. SHULMAN & ASSOCIATES - FRONT DESK - DAY
MORGAN and DANNY are at the desk, going through the intake
forms. BETSY is on the computer.
MINDY
(to Morgan)
Okay, Morgan, if you don’t throw
away your old egg sandwiches,
you’re losing your fridge
privileges.
MORGAN
But I can’t lose my fridge-privs! I
don’t have a fridge at home! Do you
know how long it takes me to salt
and pickle all my food to make it
last through winter? That’s like my
entire October!
MINDY
Please go clean out the fridge.
Morgan rolls his eyes and goes to the break room. Mindy then
shifts her gaze to Betsy, who smiles sheepishly back at her.
MINDY (cont’d)
What is this?
Mindy holds up Betsy’s cell phone. Danny peers at it. He
pokes at it with his pen.
DANNY
I think it’s a cell phone.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
BETSY
I’m not sure. I can send it to the
lab for a closer look.
She attempts to get the phone from Mindy, but Mindy pulls
her hand out of reach.
MINDY
(to Betsy)
I know this is your cell phone.
BETSY
How?
Mindy turns the phone around to show Betsy’s phone case,
which is plastered with pictures of CATS and YARN.
Defeated, Betsy stands and holds out her hand. Mindy sets
her phone on her palm.
MINDY
Don’t get discouraged. Online
dating can be hard to figure out,
like people who eat quinoa.
DANNY
You’re online dating, Bets?
Betsy nods.
BETSY
Dr. L helped me sign up yesterday.
DANNY
Hey, well, any guy would be lucky
to get to take you out. Most girls
on those sites are psychos.
He not-so-discreetly motions to Mindy. Mindy narrows her
eyes at him.
MINDY
(to Betsy)
Don’t listen to him.
BETSY
But he said nice things.
MINDY
I meant about me. Look, you’ll find
somebody great. You don’t need to
rush.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
BESTY
I already have a date.
MINDY
Alright, slow down, Lolita!
Betsy winces. Mindy wiggles her fingers for the phone.
MINDY (cont’d)
Lemme see.
Betsy hands Mindy the phone.
MINDY (cont’d)
Decent face.
Mindy checks out the match.
MINDY (cont’d)
(reading)
"Gregory, 28. Ship-in-a-bottle
enthusiast and professional Jenga
referee."
(sarcastically)
Sounds dreamy.
DANNY
Sounds like a man after my own
heart.
Betsy takes her phone back.
BETSY
He moved here about a year ago.
We’ve been texting back and forth
all day about stuff like our
families and how hard the city is
to navigate and why there isn’t any
decent potato salad here.
Betsy plops down into her chair, which bounces a little.
Mindy watches her thoughtfully.
MINDY
So, what’s wrong?
BETSY
It’s moving a bit faster than I
expected. He wants to go to dinner
tomorrow, and the last text he sent
me was telling me to pick a place.
She looks up at Mindy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
BETSY (cont’d)
Any suggestions?
MINDY
Sure! I know tons of great places.
BETSY
You think you could help me pick
out an outfit, too?
MINDY
I’ve had a Betsy-themed Pinterest
ready in case you ever asked me for
a makeover.
BETSY
Aaaand you’ll go to the restaurant
and wait with me until he shows up?
MINDY
Oooooooh. Uh, Betsy... Cliff and I
kinda have a date tomorrow night...
Betsy sinks into her chair and looks like she might start
crying. Danny stares awkwardly at Betsy, visibly becoming
uncomfortable. He nudges Mindy’s arm.
DANNY
(whispering)
Min, just do it.
MINDY
(whispering back)
I can’t!
DANNY
(whispering)
Oh god, here come the little
squeaks...
Betsy closes her eyes and starts to whimper. Danny and Mindy
stare at her.
DANNY (cont’d)
(whispering)
Min, I can’t with this.
MINDY
(whispering)
Then you do something about it!
Betsy lets out a small sob.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
DANNY
(breaking)
Okay!! Okay. How about... I wait
with you at the restaurant?
BETSY
Really?
DANNY
Really.
Betsy is ecstatic.
BETSY
Dr. Castellano, thank you!
DANNY
Bets, it’s my pleasure.
BETSY
I promise it won’t take long! You
just have to stay until he shows up
and proves he’s not a wacko.
Unless...
Betsy’s smile fades a bit.
BETSY (cont’d)
Well... what if he doesn’t show up?
MINDY
Hey, that won’t happen. With my
food and fashion expertise, and
Danny’s...
Mindy looks at him a moment. She turns back to Betsy.
MINDY (cont’d)
...ability to allow time to pass,
you will be even more irresistible
than you are now.
Danny’s a bit more of a realist.
DANNY
Hey, but if he doesn’t show up or
it doesn’t work out, it’s not the
end of the world, right? I bet
there’s a million dudes who will
match up with you!
Betsy grins.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.
DANNY (cont’d)
Sheesh, at the rate you’re going,
you’ll have guys lining up around
the block! It took Mindy here a
whole month to --
MINDY
Okay, let’s not spoil
Betsy’s win, here. You can
stop now. That’s enough!
DANNY
-- even get anybody to
click on her profile, let
alone ask her on a date.
MINDY
(to Danny)
Danny, unlike you, I have high
standards!
(beat)
And OKCupid tends to skew blonde,
and I just don’t have the
complexion for that!
Mindy storms off, and Danny flashes a smile at Betsy.
END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
4 EXT. BETSY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Mindy, in a red peacoat, is standing on Betsy’s stoop. She
looks for Betsy’s name on the buzzer. She BUZZES Betsy’s
apartment.
MAN 1
(on speaker)
Hello?
MINDY
Um, is this Betsy’s apartment?
MAN 1
(on speaker)
Oh, no, the wiring’s all messed up
for the buzzers. Maybe try the next
one down.
MINDY
Oh, okay, thanks.
She BUZZES the next person.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
WOMAN 1
(on speaker)
Hello?
MINDY
I’m here to make you beautiful!
WOMAN 1
(on speaker)
What?
MINDY
For your date?
WOMAN 1
(on speaker)
Oh no! I must’ve forgot! I’m late!
WOMAN 2
(on speaker)
Mrs. Anderson, it’s time to take
your pill -- Mrs. Anderson?
Mindy hears a CRASH!, sounds like porcelain, maybe a vase?
Some YELLING, and then the speaker cuts out. Mindy makes a
face and then tries pressing Mrs. Anderson’s button to see
if that will get her to Betsy.
MAN 1
(on speaker)
Hello?
MINDY
(on speaker)
Yeah, hi, I’m looking for Betsy?
MAN 1
(on speaker)
Betsy? What floor?
MINDY
I’m not sure, actually.
MAN 1
(on speaker)
She single?
MINDY
Yes?
MAN 1
(on speaker)
She have both her ears?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
Mindy lets go of the buzzer and freaks out about what to
do. She then realizes she’s holding her phone.
MINDY
God, what am I doing?
She calls Betsy’s phone.
MINDY (cont’d)
(on the phone)
Hey, I’m here to make you
beautiful! Also, one of your
neighbors might be a serial killer.
5 INT. BETSY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Mindy’s standing in the middle of her apartment. Her coat
hangs off her arm. She’s wearing a black blazer, a white
shirt with black horizontal stripes, skinny jeans, and red
pumps.
Mindy looks around at Betsy’s shoebox studio apartment. She
spots some KNITTING NEEDLES in a ball of yarn on the seat of
a rocking chair in the corner. Mindy starts to notice that
there’s yarn everywhere: yarn PILLOWS, yarn TEA COZY, yarn
WALL-HANGINGS, a QUILT made of yarn depicting a ball of
yarn.
Betsy walks in from the bathroom wearing a sweater she
undoubtedly knitted for herself and a knee-length skirt.
BETSY
How about this?
MINDY
We have to get out of here.
Immediately.
CUT TO:
6 EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Mindy’s dragging Betsy along in her wake.
BETSY
What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?
MINDY
Absolutely nothing! It’s really
impressive that you made that. I
think my 68-year-old Auntie Priya
has one that’s similar.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
Betsy gets the point. Mindy spots a familiar store.
MINDY (cont’d)
A-ha! I love this boutique.
7 INT. BOUTIQUE - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Mindy and Betsy wander around the shop.
MINDY
Now, the first thing guys notice is
how you look. We’re visual
creatures. That’s just how we’re
wired. So, it’s important you get
that first date outfit just right.
Betsy looks like she’s taking mental notes of everything
Mindy’s saying.
Mindy runs her hand along a clothesrack of leather jackets.
She closes her eyes.
MINDY (cont’d)
Feel the fabric, Betsy. Soak it in.
What does it feel like?
Betsy awkwardly tries to mimic Mindy.
BETSY
Leather, but it could just be a
soft pleather --
MINDY
No, what is it saying to you?
Long beat.
BETSY
"Moo"?
MINDY
No, no, no.
Mindy opens her eyes and takes Besty by the shoulders. Betsy
looks back at her.
MINDY (cont’d)
You want an outfit that will "say"
something about you. What do you
want it to say?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
BETSY
...I’m not sure.
MINDY
It’s all about what you want to
tell this Gregory guy about
yourself.
(beat)
Just give it a try. There are no
wrong answers.
BETSY
Okay. Um, I want it to say...
Betsy attempts to be sexy.
BETSY (cont’d)
"Hello, nice to meet you. I am a
girl. With boobs. Two whole ones."
MINDY
Wow, okay, I lied. Definitely such
a thing as a "wrong answer".
(beat)
Was that "sexy"? Were you trying to
be sexy?
Betsy nods.
MINDY (cont’d)
Okay, that’s a start! One of the
things you want to say is, "I’m
sexy."
BETSY
But, like, not like a --
(whispers)
-- whore!
MINDY
So you also want to say, "I’m
sophisticated."
Betsy smiles and blushes.
MINDY (cont’d)
Alriiiight, we’ve got ourselves a
theme.
Mindy takes a blouse from one of the racks before heading
off to another part of the store. Besty smiles and follows.
15.
8 INT. BOUTIQUE - DAY
Mindy waits next to Betsy’s FITITING ROOM. A big gray
curtain serves as the door. We see Betsy’s feet where the
curtain falls short.
MINDY
So, which restaurant did you end up
picking?
BETSY
(from inside the fitting room)
Grammercy Park Bistro.
MINDY
Nice selection. Fairly-priced, so
you don’t feel guilty for letting
him pay, but also really good food.
I’d get the lamb. They’re also
really known for their dessert
coffees. Y’know, you can actually
tell a lot about a person based on
what kind of coffee --
BETSY
Are you sure I can pull this off,
Dr. L?
MINDY
Of course! And would you please
stop with the "Dr. L" stuff? You’re
starting to make me sound like your
therapist-slash-life coach.
Mindy pulls back the heavy gray curtain and finds Betsy
wearing the outfit she picked out: navy blazer, crisp, light
pink button-up with the top two buttons unbuttoned, skinny
jeans, and black pumps. Eerily similar to what Mindy has on.
MINDY (cont’d)
Check you out!
Betsy smiles.
MINDY (cont’d)
Last thing...
Mindy steps into the fitting room with Betsy. She removes
Betsy’s hair barrette and tucks her hair behind her ear.
Betsy looks even more like Mindy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
MINDY (cont’d)
There!
Betsy looks at herself in the mirror.
BETSY
(breathless)
You’re like a magician.
MINDY
(scoffs)
Oh, you.
Mindy looks over to the BOUTIQUE OWNER.
MINDY (cont’d)
(to Boutique Owner)
We’ll take it all, and she’ll wear
it out of the store.
BETSY
Dr. L, I can’t --
MINDY
Consider it a present. And
remember, it’s "Mindy".
She grins. Betsy throws her arms around Mindy and hugs her.
After a while:
MINDY (cont’d)
(stiffly)
Okay. Come on. Let’s go. We’ve got
a few more things to buy.
END ACT TWO
ACT THREE
9 EXT. GRAMMERCY PARK BISTRO - EVENING
Mindy and Betsy walk up to the bistro, giggling about the
outfit and the date. Betsy is now wearing a NAVY PEACOAT
that looks like Mindy’s, and she’s carrying a PURSE that
looks like Mindy’s as well.
Danny walks up from the opposite direction. He’s wearing a
BLACK BEANIE, and a BEIGE, PUFFY WINTER COAT with the hood
up.
They meet just outside the door.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
DANNY
Hey, Bets. You look...
He examines both of them. The similarities are uncanny.
DANNY (cont’d)
...Familiar?
Betsy isn’t sure of how to handle that compliment.
MINDY
(to Danny)
And you look like an old man in
that grandpa jacket. Where are you
going? Antarctica?
Danny throws his arms in the air, gesturing to his
surroundings.
DANNY
Polar vortex!! They’re shutting
down schools in Minnesota, for
Christ’s sake!
BETSY
It is freezing. Should we go
inside?
MINDY
You guys go ahead. I’m gonna go
wait for Cliff.
BETSY
What do you guys have planned
tonight?
MINDY
We’ll probably grab some food and
then spend half an hour debating
what new movie to see before giving
up, going home, queuing up Netflix,
and watching another episode of
Orange is the New Black.
DANNY
He watches your fashion shows with
you? This guy is a saint.
BETSY
Come and have a drink or an
appetizer or something before you
go! Cliff won’t be free for another
hour or so, and it’s the least I
could do to repay you for today.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
MINDY
Oh, no thanks, I don’t want to ruin
my appetite.
CUT TO:
10 INT. GRAMMERCY PARK BISTRO - BAR - EVENING
The bar’s not too crowded. Mindy sets her beer down and
sloppily eats another mozzerella stick. Danny sits next to
her, his jacket unzipped. He watches Mindy eat, his face
showing a tinge of disgust. Betsy sits on the other side of
Mindy, anxiously scanning the room for a sign of Gregory.
Mindy brushes the food crumbs off her fingers.
MINDY
(mouth full)
Focus up, Bets.
Betsy looks over to Mindy.
MINDY (cont’d)
What did I say was the most
important part of your game plan
for tonight?
BETSY
Be mysterious as possible.
MINDY
Exactly. Let’s run a drill. Pretend
I’m Gregory.
Betsy nods.
MINDY (cont’d)
"So, what do you like to do for
fun?"
Betsy looks at the table. She grabs a cocktail menu and
hides her face except for her eyes.
Mindy snatches the cocktail menu from her hands.
MINDY (cont’d)
I said be mysterious, not be a
geisha.
DANNY
Why can’t she answer a simple
question? What if he wants to get
to know her?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
MINDY
(to Betsy)
Never be straightforward. Always
keep him guessing. You’ve got to
lure him in slowly, like putting
cheese in a mousetrap.
Mindy holds up a mozzerella stick and tears it in half.
MINDY (cont’d)
Be the cheese, Betsy. Be the
cheese.
Danny rolls his eyes. Mindy puts the mozzerella stick down
and dusts her hands off in Danny’s direction. Danny looks at
her, annoyed, brushing the batter crumbs off his coat.
MINDY (cont’d)
I should go meet Cliff. We’ll only
be a couple blocks away, so if you
need help, text me!
She pinches Betsy’s cheek. Betsy grins.
MINDY (cont’d)
You’re gonna knock ’em dead.
Mindy turns to Danny. She whispers into his ear.
MINDY (cont’d)
(whispering)
I need a play-by-play.
DANNY
What --
MINDY
(whispering)
You heard me, Castellano. Practice
that Harry Caray voice of yours.
She leaves.
DANNY
(calling after her)
That’s Chicago, not New York!
As Mindy approaches the exit, she looks back at Danny. She
narrows her eyes, holds up her phone, and points to him.
Danny sighs and takes off his beanie. He looks over at
Betsy, who looks even more nervous than before.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
DANNY (cont’d)
You okay, Bets?
Betsy looks at the table. She grabs the same cocktail menu
from earlier and hides behind it.
11 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Cliff is perusing his menus. Mindy has her menu propped up
on the table.
CLIFF
I heard they do a roasted quail
here that we should try.
MINDY
(absent-mindedly)
Hmm. Yummy.
CLIFF
But I also heard their Oscar-style
steak was good. Hollandaise is made
in-house.
MINDY
(absent-mindedly)
Mmm. You don’t say.
Cliff looks over at Mindy, who is hidden behind her menu.
CLIFF
What if we both just get salads and
skip dessert?
MINDY
(absent-mindedly)
Sure, sounds good.
Cliff stares at her in silence.
MINDY (cont’d)
(absent-mindedly)
There are just so many choices, I
can’t decide.
CLIFF
I wasn’t even talking that time!
Cliff takes Mindy’s menu and finds her texting aggressively
on her phone.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.
CLIFF (cont’d)
What is that? Work?
MINDY
Yeah, Cliff, I’m text-delivering a
baby with emojis. No, it’s Danny.
Cliff furrows his brow.
12 INT. GRAMMERCY PARK BISTRO - BAR - NIGHT
Besty checks her phone for the millionth time.
DANNY
What time did he say he wanted to
meet up?
BETSY
7:30.
DANNY
Aw, Bets, you’ve got plenty of
time.
BETSY
It’s 7:29.
DANNY
Yeah, you’ve got a whole minute.
Betsy does not look comforted.
DANNY (cont’d)
You know how much that is in guy
time? Last season, during one game,
the Mets were behind by 2, but in a
span of three minutes, they got
bases loaded in the bottom of the
ninth and Murphy hits a home run!
Crowd’s roaring, people are going
crazy, taking off their shirts --
Danny catches a glimpse of Betsy’s confused face. He takes a
sip of his beer.
DANNY (cont’d)
Some games just move a bit slower
than others, y’know?
Betsy raises her eyebrows, still confused.
Danny struggles with what he’s about to say because he can
relate so much to the sentiment.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
DANNY (cont’d)
I guess I’m just trying to say...
give the guy some time. Don’t let
yourself get distracted. Just
because he might be a little late
to the party doesn’t mean he won’t
be a lot of fun.
Betsy smiles.
A man taps Betsy on the shoulder. It’s GREGORY, right on
time. Betsy smiles up at him and blushes.
BETSY
Oh, hi.
GREGORY
Hi.
Betsy stands.
GREGORY (cont’d)
Uh, this is for you.
He hands her a small gift bag. Betsy reaches inside and
pulls out a small ship in a bottle. She smiles at him.
GREGORY (cont’d)
Um, it’s called the H.M.S.
Meowington? After your cat, Mr.
Meowington?
Betsy laughs.
DANNY
(smiling)
Dude. Nice touch. Very cheesy,
right Bets?
Gregory gets nervous.
GREGORY
Oh, um, is this your father?
Danny looks angry.
DANNY
No, I’m not her father!
He looks down at his coat.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
DANNY (cont’d)
I bought this at J Crew!!
Gregory gets scared and starts to STAMMER through what
sounds like an apology.
BETSY
This is my friend, Danny
Castellano.
DANNY
Yeah, dude, relax. It’s all good.
BETSY
He just kept me company. I was a
little nervous about tonight.
Gregory raises his eyebrows. Betsy’s eyes grow wide.
BETSY (cont’d)
(nervously)
Uh, but I shouldn’t have told you
that!!
GREGORY
(relieved)
No! No, I’m glad you did! To be
honest, I got here a little while
ago and kind of stood in the back
corner, watching you?
Danny gets protective and starts to move closer to Betsy.
GREGORY (cont’d)
Uh, that sounds creepy, but... you
look all sophisticated, and, and,
y’know, sexy --
Betsy grins.
GREGORY (cont’d)
-- and it was kind of intimidating,
and, uh, no, this is coming out
wrong --
He clears his throat and tries again.
GREGORY (cont’d)
I’m just really excited to meet
you.
Betsy smiles. Danny senses that everything’s okay.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
DANNY
Well, I guess I’m off. Bets?
BETSY
Yeah?
DANNY
You good?
Betsy nods. Danny smiles.
13 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Cliff leans forward in his chair.
CLIFF
We’re kind of in the middle of a
date, here, Mindy.
MINDY
So is Betsy! Danny’s there being
some weird older-brother-type
chaperone, and I wanna make sure
the date goes well.
CLIFF
So you’re having him text you all
the details? Can’t you just sit
back and relax, tonight? You
haven’t even taken off your coat.
MINDY
I just spent all day training her
and getting her ready for tonight,
and if this doesn’t work out, it’ll
be all my fault!
CLIFF
Why don’t we just butt out of their
business?
Mindy’s phone BUZZES. She checks it, and her eyes grow wide
with surprise.
MINDY
(suddenly)
We gotta go.
CLIFF
What?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
MINDY
We gotta go. Now!
She jumps to her feet and leaves the restaurant. Cliff
stumbles over himself to catch up.
14 EXT. GRAMMERCY PARK BISTRO - NIGHT
Mindy runs into Danny just as he’s heading out. Mindy stops
him in his tracks.
DANNY
Hey!
MINDY
What do you mean you’re "leaving"??
DANNY
I mean that Gregory is here, and
he’s not a serial killer, so I am
going home. To my place of
residence. Trying to forget I was
mildly inconvenienced by yet
another scheme of yours.
MINDY
What scheme?
DANNY
Your little Orwellian nightmare
with Betsy! She looks like a little
Mindy clone in there, with the
heels and the jacket!
MINDY
Blazer.
DANNY
Whatever! And what was all that "be
mysterious", "be the cheese"?
MINDY
I thought it was a pretty
well-constructed analogy.
DANNY
Cheese is made with bacteria, Min!
Mindy looks confused.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
DANNY (cont’d)
I just mean sometimes analogies are
crap. You made her all nervous
about trying to "be the cheese".
She didn’t feel comfortable until
Gregory gave her a tiny
ship-in-a-bottle thingy.
MINDY
Ohmygod, he brought her a gift?
She smashes her face up against the window to try and catch
a glimpse of them. Danny pulls her back.
DANNY
Stop.
Danny looks over and sees Cliff aross the street, running up
to them.
DANNY (cont’d)
Don’t you have a date of your own
to get back to?
He nods over at Cliff. Mindy looks back to see Cliff trapped
by busy traffic.
She turns to Danny.
MINDY
(sighs)
You’re right. I think I just got so
caught up because I just wanted to
help. And I wouldn’t have learned
this valuable lesson without you,
Daniel.
She places a hand on his shoulder.
MINDY (cont’d)
Thank you for being the kind of
friend who doesn’t let his other
friends spiral out of control.
DANNY
Yeah, I think you’re full of it.
MINDY
Excuse me?
DANNY
I think you wanted to help, but I
think there’s something else going
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
DANNY (cont’d)on here. I think you got caught up
because you’re secretly jealous of
her.
MINDY
Jealous of the Cat Lady and the
professional Jenga referee? Don’t
think so.
DANNY
You miss the dating life.
MINDY
No, I don’t.
DANNY
Yeah, you do. You’ve been with
Cliff for a month now. And you’re
bored. You’re starting to use your
everyday makeup instead of all the
sparkly stuff you use. You argue
about your Netflix queue instead of
debating current events to show off
how much you retained from that
day’s Google News update.
MINDY
Hey! You’re not the only one who
reads, y’know.
Danny looks at her meaningfully.
DANNY
Your heart doesn’t skip a beat when
you accidentally graze each other’s
hands when you’re walking down the
street.
Danny takes Mindy’s hand off his shoulder. Her arm hangs
down, but their hands hover dangerously close. Mindy clears
her throat, her voice low.
MINDY
(quietly)
It’s normal for that spark to go
away after time.
Danny gives her a questioning look: "Is it?"
Cliff jogs over to them. He doubles over, panting.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 28.
CLIFF
Jeez, Mindy!
CLIFF (cont’d)
(to Danny)
She took off like a shot!
CLIFF (cont’d)
(to Mindy)
You are surprisingly quick!
Mindy takes a step back from Danny.
MINDY
(to Cliff)
Yeah, I’m sorry about that.
She looks at Cliff and takes his hand, intertwining her
fingers with his. She hugs his arm.
MINDY (cont’d)
I promise. No more texting or
stalking. Let’s just go back to my
place and order in, yeah?
CLIFF
(confused but happy)
Sure.
Mindy looks at Danny.
CLIFF (cont’d)
(to Danny)
Night, man.
Danny just nods.
Mindy and Cliff walk off, Danny heading in the other
direction. Mindy looks back and sees Danny zipping up his
coat and putting on the black beanie. Mindy smiles to
herself.
So does Danny.
15 INT. SHULMAN & ASSOCIATES - BREAK ROOM - DAY
Mindy grabs her lunch from the fridge and sees Betsy, in a
KNITTED SWEATER, sitting at the table.
MINDY
How’d your date go?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
BETSY
It was actually really, really
wonderful, Dr. L! We ate and then
went to catch a late movie --
BETSY
Captain Philips.
MINDY
Captain Philips.
BETSY (cont’d)
How’d you know?
MINDY
(shrugs)
Had a hunch.
Mindy leans on the counter.
MINDY
Betsy, I just wanted to apologize
for all those things I said. I
think I made you nervous about not
being alluring enough for Gregory.
(beat)
Obviously, that isn’t the case at
all.
She looks at Betsy’s sweater, which has a large SHIP on the
front. Betsy grins.
BETSY
But your example was perfect!
MINDY
Huh?
BETSY
Well, nothing you said that day
made sense --
Mindy looks hurt.
BETSY (cont’d)
-- but I just kept thinking about
how you and Cliff met.
Mindy looks up. We see that in her line of sight is Danny,
who is talking with Morgan at the front desk.
BETSY (O.S.)
You guys didn’t like each other in
the beginning. Cliff always saw you
in your scrubs. He was even dating
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30.
BETSY (O.S.) (cont’d)someone else at the time. But...
you guys just make sense.
Mindy smiles at Betsy, but looks back up at Danny.
MINDY
...Yeah. Funny, right?
END ACT THREE
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31.
TAG
16 INT. MINDY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
NETFLIX is buffering on the TV screen. Mindy’s in pajamas,
rubbing lotion onto her hands and walking toward the couch.
Cliff is on the couch on his laptop.
CLIFF
"Looking for a little pizzazz?"
Mindy furrows her brow at him.
MINDY
What?
CLIFF
"Can you do three of any of the
following 10 moves done by Channing
Tatum in Magic Mike?"
Mindy’s eyes grow wide at the realization that he’s reading
from her old dating profiles.
CLIFF (cont’d)
"Are you the Matthew Crawley to my
Lady Mary?"
(beat)
What, were you trying to hit on
your cousins?
MINDY
Oh my GOD --
Mindy jumps onto the bed and scrambles for his laptop. Cliff
fends her off.
CLIFF
You really don’t delete anything,
do you?
END TAG