kingdom of right relationships part 5b: loving self correctly matthew 22:34-40; ephesians 3:20 2...

Kingdom of Right Kingdom of Right RelationshipsRelationships

Part 5b: Loving Self CorrectlyPart 5b: Loving Self Correctly

Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20

2 Timothy 3:2-42 Timothy 3:2-4

Living in Four RelationshipsLiving in Four Relationships

• You can’t escape the necessity of living in four You can’t escape the necessity of living in four relationshipsrelationships– To God To God – To Self To Self – To the significant others in lifeTo the significant others in life– To the worldTo the world

• The good news of the gospel The good news of the gospel – Jesus Christ can enter into a human life and redeem it Jesus Christ can enter into a human life and redeem it

in all four of these relationships!in all four of these relationships!

GodGod

MeMe

Other Other believersbelievers

The WorldThe World

The most important relationship in life = God and me!

The vertical relationship The vertical relationship carries all the weight of the carries all the weight of the horizontal relationshipshorizontal relationships

The Most Important RelationshipThe Most Important Relationship

• The one between you and GodThe one between you and God– There are 3 dimensions of this loveThere are 3 dimensions of this love

• Love of God the FatherLove of God the Father

• Love of God the SonLove of God the Son

• Love of God the Holy SpiritLove of God the Holy Spirit

• They are One They are One – Deuteronomy 6:4 Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our

God, the Lord is one!”God, the Lord is one!”

– We show our love for each of them differently!We show our love for each of them differently!

– We relate to each person in the Trinity differently!We relate to each person in the Trinity differently!

The CommandmentThe Commandment

• Matthew 22:37-38 Matthew 22:37-38 – Scribe: “Which is the great commandment in the Scribe: “Which is the great commandment in the

law?”law?”– Christ’s answer - “Love the Lord your God” Christ’s answer - “Love the Lord your God”

• Love Commanded Is ControllableLove Commanded Is Controllable– The greatest of all commandmentsThe greatest of all commandments– Is it possible to command somebody to love? Is it possible to command somebody to love? – Yes, love is an act of the will!Yes, love is an act of the will!

Agape LoveAgape Love

• Romans 5:5 Romans 5:5 – Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of

God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to usSpirit who was given to us

• ““love” = the distinctive Christian word - love” = the distinctive Christian word - agapaoagapao • AgapaoAgapao is totally unselfish love is totally unselfish love• A love of which we are capable only through the Holy SpiritA love of which we are capable only through the Holy Spirit

– A love which desires only the highest good for A love which desires only the highest good for its objectits object

Loving GodLoving God• The Father’s Highest Good - John 17:1-5The Father’s Highest Good - John 17:1-5

– To glorify HimTo glorify Him

• The Son’s Highest Good - Philippians 2:9-11The Son’s Highest Good - Philippians 2:9-11 – Exalt His name above every nameExalt His name above every name– Bow your knee to Him and worship HimBow your knee to Him and worship Him– Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the

FatherFather

• The Spirit’s Highest Good – Philippians 2:13The Spirit’s Highest Good – Philippians 2:13– To allow Him to do His work in our lives!To allow Him to do His work in our lives!

• Do Not Resist the Spirit – Acts 6:10; 7:51Do Not Resist the Spirit – Acts 6:10; 7:51• Do Not Quench the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19Do Not Quench the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19• Do Not Grieve the Spirit - Ephesians 4:30Do Not Grieve the Spirit - Ephesians 4:30• Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 5:18; John 12:3Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 5:18; John 12:3

Loving SelfLoving Self

• Your Highest Good = Obeying God!Your Highest Good = Obeying God!– Do you want to please self or please God?Do you want to please self or please God?

– Ephesians 3:20-21Ephesians 3:20-21

20.20. Now to Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or thinkabundantly above all that we ask or think,, according to the power that works in us, according to the power that works in us,

21.21. to Him to Him bebe glory in the church by Christ Jesus to glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Loving SelfLoving Self• The focus of your life is either to please self or The focus of your life is either to please self or

to please God to please God – Mark 8:34-35 Mark 8:34-35

34.34. When He had called the people to Himself, with His When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. follow Me.

35.35. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.save it.

Loving Self Is Not CommandedLoving Self Is Not Commanded Matthew 22:36-40 Matthew 22:36-40

• Jesus gives Jesus gives twotwo great commandments: great commandments: 1.1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and mindLove God with all your heart, soul, and mind

2.2. Love your neighbor as yourself Love your neighbor as yourself

• There is There is no third commandno third command to love yourself! to love yourself!– Jesus is saying, "as you Jesus is saying, "as you alreadyalready love yourself" love yourself"

• Indicates a state of current existence, Indicates a state of current existence, notnot a command a command

– Jesus knows we already love ourselves Jesus knows we already love ourselves – He commands us to love others the same way – with He commands us to love others the same way – with

agape loveagape love

No One Hates Himself!No One Hates Himself!

• Rather, he loves, cherishes, and nourishes Rather, he loves, cherishes, and nourishes himself himself

– Ephesians 5:29 - Ephesians 5:29 - For no one ever hated his own For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the churchdoes the church

• Man’s problem is that he pays too much Man’s problem is that he pays too much attention to self, not too little attention to self, not too little

– Philippians 2:21 - Philippians 2:21 - For all seek their own, not the For all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesusthings which are of Christ Jesus

– When we seek our own, we are When we seek our own, we are alwaysalways falling short falling short of God’s glory!of God’s glory!

The Issue of Self-EsteemThe Issue of Self-Esteem

• The wisdom of this world teaches The wisdom of this world teaches • That many of our problems are rooted in a “bad That many of our problems are rooted in a “bad

self-image” or “low self-esteem” self-image” or “low self-esteem” • That you must learn to love yourself before you That you must learn to love yourself before you

can love otherscan love others• That your “perceived” needs must be met so you That your “perceived” needs must be met so you

can help otherscan help others

– All of these views are false - they conflict All of these views are false - they conflict with the truth of God’s Wordwith the truth of God’s Word


• Webster's Unabridged DictionaryWebster's Unabridged Dictionary

– Self-Esteem: Undo Self-Esteem: Undo PRIDEPRIDE in oneself in oneself

– Pride: Over-high opinion of oneself; conceit Pride: Over-high opinion of oneself; conceit

– Humility: Absence of Humility: Absence of PRIDEPRIDE or self-assertion or self-assertion


• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)– Proverbs 16:18Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty

spirit before a fall

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)– Matthew 10:34-39 - Matthew 10:34-39 - If you try to save your life by focusing on If you try to save your life by focusing on

self, you will lose your life instead of saving your lifeself, you will lose your life instead of saving your life– Self-belittlement, self-exaltation, and self-pity all indicate a Self-belittlement, self-exaltation, and self-pity all indicate a

preoccupation with selfpreoccupation with self– Inordinate attention to self = the exact opposite of God’s Inordinate attention to self = the exact opposite of God’s

commandments to love Him and otherscommandments to love Him and others– Self-focus prohibits the development of a Christ-like servant Self-focus prohibits the development of a Christ-like servant

attitudeattitude


• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)

• "No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)– 1 Peter 5:5 - 1 Peter 5:5 - Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves

to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another,

and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but

gives grace to the humble.”gives grace to the humble.”


• "High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)

• "Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)

• "No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)– 1 Peter 5:51 Peter 5:5

– 2 Corinthians 9:8 -2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound And God is able to make all grace abound

toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things,

may have an abundance for every good work.may have an abundance for every good work.

Biblical Self‑loveBiblical Self‑love

• Loving ourselves correctly means seeing Loving ourselves correctly means seeing ourselves as God sees usourselves as God sees us

– The Bible exhorts us to look to Christ, not to self, The Bible exhorts us to look to Christ, not to self, for the solutions to lifefor the solutions to life

– This will never happen automatically!This will never happen automatically!

– To genuinely believe the reality of who we are in To genuinely believe the reality of who we are in Christ requires Christ requires

• Consistent exposure to the Word of GodConsistent exposure to the Word of God

• Fellowship and encouragement of like‑minded believersFellowship and encouragement of like‑minded believers

– Without these, the visible will overcome the Without these, the visible will overcome the invisibleinvisible

Loving Self Incorrectly Loving Self Incorrectly

• 2 Timothy 3:2-42 Timothy 3:2-4– For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money,

boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of Godlovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God

Loving Self Incorrectly Loving Self Incorrectly 2 Timothy 3:2-42 Timothy 3:2-4

• Paul is specific about the dangers of loving Paul is specific about the dangers of loving self incorrectlyself incorrectly

– In this context, men does not refer to mankind in In this context, men does not refer to mankind in general but to members, especially leaders, in general but to members, especially leaders, in Christ’s churchChrist’s church

• These are men who claim the name of Christ and also These are men who claim the name of Christ and also claim to be His ministers, claim to be His ministers, but this can and does happen to but this can and does happen to anybody!anybody!

• They hold “a form of godliness, but have denied its power” They hold “a form of godliness, but have denied its power” (v. 5)(v. 5)

– Paul lists 18 characteristics of ungodly people, who Paul lists 18 characteristics of ungodly people, who have corrupted themselves with self lovehave corrupted themselves with self love

““Lovers of Self”Lovers of Self”

• The root or overriding characteristic - The root or overriding characteristic - men will men will be lovers of selfbe lovers of self – The pride of self-love The pride of self-love

• A deadly sin A deadly sin • Grips the human soul Grips the human soul • The foundation of all sinThe foundation of all sin

– John Macarthur, “It might be called the sewer out of John Macarthur, “It might be called the sewer out of which the rest of these ugly sins are discharged”which the rest of these ugly sins are discharged”


• Greek word Greek word philautosphilautos– The verb The verb phileōphileō = to have great affection for = to have great affection for– The pronoun The pronoun autosautos = self = self

• PhileōPhileō is not a wrong kind of loving is not a wrong kind of loving– Frequently used positively in the NT Frequently used positively in the NT

• John 16:27 - used both of the Father’s love for believers John 16:27 - used both of the Father’s love for believers and of the believer’s love for the Sonand of the believer’s love for the Son

• John 20:2 - used of Jesus’ love for John John 20:2 - used of Jesus’ love for John

– It is not the It is not the kindkind of love that is evil but the wrongly of love that is evil but the wrongly elevated elevated objectobject of that love - of that love - selfself


• Whenever love for Whenever love for selfself is raised, love for God is raised, love for God and the things of God is loweredand the things of God is lowered

– Started with LuciferStarted with Lucifer– Then Adam and EveThen Adam and Eve– Love of self over the LordLove of self over the Lord

• The City of God,The City of God, Augustine Augustine – ““Two cities have been founded by two loves, the Two cities have been founded by two loves, the

earthly by the love of self, even to the contempt of earthly by the love of self, even to the contempt of God. The heavenly by the love of God, even to the God. The heavenly by the love of God, even to the contempt of self. The former, in a word, glorifies contempt of self. The former, in a word, glorifies itself, the latter the Lord.”itself, the latter the Lord.”


• Some psychologists and psychiatrists are challenging Some psychologists and psychiatrists are challenging the myth that man’s basic problem is low self-esteemthe myth that man’s basic problem is low self-esteem

– Psychology Through the Eyes of Faith,Psychology Through the Eyes of Faith, David Meyers and David Meyers and Malcolm JeevesMalcolm Jeeves

– Chapter titled “A New Look at Pride”Chapter titled “A New Look at Pride”• Time and again, experimenters have found that people readily Time and again, experimenters have found that people readily

accept credit when told they have succeeded (Attributing the accept credit when told they have succeeded (Attributing the success to their ability and effort), yet they attribute failure to success to their ability and effort), yet they attribute failure to external factors such as bad luck or the problem’s inherent external factors such as bad luck or the problem’s inherent “impossibility.” “impossibility.”

• These self-serving attributions have been observed not only in These self-serving attributions have been observed not only in laboratory situations, but also with athletes (After victory or laboratory situations, but also with athletes (After victory or defeat), students (After high or low exam grades), drivers (After defeat), students (After high or low exam grades), drivers (After accidents), and married people (Among whom conflict often accidents), and married people (Among whom conflict often derives from perceiving oneself as contributing more and derives from perceiving oneself as contributing more and benefiting less than is fair).benefiting less than is fair).


• Later in the book Later in the book – ““the most common error in people’s self-images is not the most common error in people’s self-images is not

unrealistically low self-esteem but rather self-serving pride; unrealistically low self-esteem but rather self-serving pride; not an inferiority complex but a superiority complex.”not an inferiority complex but a superiority complex.”

– Even putting yourself down, is a thinly disguised attempt to Even putting yourself down, is a thinly disguised attempt to get others to build you upget others to build you up

• Samuel Johnson Samuel Johnson – ““He that overvalues himself will undervalue others. And he He that overvalues himself will undervalue others. And he

that undervalues others will oppose them.” that undervalues others will oppose them.” – Self-love alienates men from God and from each otherSelf-love alienates men from God and from each other

• What a contrast What a contrast self-seeking loveself-seeking love is to the is to the self-giving self-giving lovelove that God requires! that God requires!

““Lovers of Self”Lovers of Self”• Lovers of moneyLovers of money

– This term represents materialismThis term represents materialism– The craving for earthly possessionsThe craving for earthly possessions– Covetous - KJVCovetous - KJV

• BoastfulBoastful – The outward manifestation of self-loveThe outward manifestation of self-love– Boastful = a noun meaning “braggart” Boastful = a noun meaning “braggart” – Plato defined “person who claims greatness that he does not Plato defined “person who claims greatness that he does not

possess” possess” – Know-it-alls who try to deceive people into thinking they are Know-it-alls who try to deceive people into thinking they are

brilliantbrilliant

• ArrogantArrogant– HuperēphanosHuperēphanos = “placing above”, the idea of superiority = “placing above”, the idea of superiority– Always self-exalting and determined to have their own wayAlways self-exalting and determined to have their own way

““Lovers of Self”Lovers of Self”• RevilersRevilers

– Blasphēmos = Blasphēmos = being abusive and slanderousbeing abusive and slanderous– When you elevate yourself, you automatically lower others and When you elevate yourself, you automatically lower others and

will eventually revile themwill eventually revile them

• Disobedient to parentsDisobedient to parents– The cause of disobedience of children to parents is not hard to The cause of disobedience of children to parents is not hard to

findfind– Children are born with a bent to self-will and disobedienceChildren are born with a bent to self-will and disobedience– Children who will rebel against their parents do not hesitate Children who will rebel against their parents do not hesitate

about rebelling against anyone elseabout rebelling against anyone else


• UngratefulUngrateful– Elevates self above all others then feels he deserves everything Elevates self above all others then feels he deserves everything

good he receives and therefore feels no need of gratitude for itgood he receives and therefore feels no need of gratitude for it– The ungrateful person despises the very idea of grace - The ungrateful person despises the very idea of grace -

goodness received that is undeservedgoodness received that is undeserved– This is a terrible sin against God!This is a terrible sin against God!– Romans 1 says that God’s wrath is revealed against sinners for Romans 1 says that God’s wrath is revealed against sinners for

being unthankful (vv. 18, 21)being unthankful (vv. 18, 21)

• UnholyUnholy – anosias,anosias, carries the idea of gross indecency carries the idea of gross indecency– Driven by self-love to gratify his lusts and passionsDriven by self-love to gratify his lusts and passions– No thought to propriety, decency, or personal reputationNo thought to propriety, decency, or personal reputation


• UnlovingUnloving – Astorgos - Astorgos - a negative adjective form of the verb a negative adjective form of the verb storgēstorgē– StorgeStorge is is used of family, social, and patriotic loveused of family, social, and patriotic love– It is not natural for people to love God or the things and people It is not natural for people to love God or the things and people

of God, but it of God, but it isis natural for them to love their own families natural for them to love their own families– ““Without natural affection” KJV, to be heartlessWithout natural affection” KJV, to be heartless

• IrreconcilableIrreconcilable – Those who refuse to change, no matter how desperate their own Those who refuse to change, no matter how desperate their own

situation becomessituation becomes– Determined to have their own way regardless of the Determined to have their own way regardless of the

consequencesconsequences– Even to the point of knowingly destroying their own lives and the Even to the point of knowingly destroying their own lives and the

lives of their familieslives of their families– They do not forgive and do not want to be forgivenThey do not forgive and do not want to be forgiven


• MaliciousMalicious gossip gossip – Gossip is thought of as being relatively harmlessGossip is thought of as being relatively harmless

– ““Malicious gossips” = Malicious gossips” = diabolosdiabolos

– DiabolosDiabolos = “accuser”, 34 times in the NT a title for Satan = “accuser”, 34 times in the NT a title for Satan

– Malicious gossips make a point of harming othersMalicious gossips make a point of harming others• Perverse pleasure in destroying reputations and livesPerverse pleasure in destroying reputations and lives

• Engulfed and blinded by self-love, they do the very work of Satan!Engulfed and blinded by self-love, they do the very work of Satan!

• Without self-controlWithout self-control – Has no inhibitions and shameHas no inhibitions and shame

– AkratēsAkratēs = incontinence, a moral and spiritual kind = incontinence, a moral and spiritual kind

– The lover of self eventually becomes a slave to his passions and The lover of self eventually becomes a slave to his passions and ambitionsambitions


• BrutalBrutal – Savage, like wild beasts, attack enemies and tear them in piecesSavage, like wild beasts, attack enemies and tear them in pieces

• Haters of goodHaters of good– They hate what should be loved and love what should be hatedThey hate what should be loved and love what should be hated

• TreacherousTreacherous– TTurning against even their own families and friendsurning against even their own families and friends

– Comes naturally to a person who loves money, is boastful and Comes naturally to a person who loves money, is boastful and

arrogant, ungrateful and un-holy, unloving and irreconcilable, a arrogant, ungrateful and un-holy, unloving and irreconcilable, a

malicious slanderer who has lost self-control, and who is brutal malicious slanderer who has lost self-control, and who is brutal

and hates what is goodand hates what is good

““Lovers of Self”Lovers of Self”• RecklessReckless

– Careless, negligent, and rash, often manifested unconsciouslyCareless, negligent, and rash, often manifested unconsciously– Preoccupied with self - simply does not notice people and things Preoccupied with self - simply does not notice people and things

around himaround him

• ConceitedConceited– A much higher view of self than is justifiedA much higher view of self than is justified– Root meaning of being enveloped in smoke, or cloudedRoot meaning of being enveloped in smoke, or clouded

• Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of GodLovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God– Philēdonos = philosPhilēdonos = philos (loving) and (loving) and hēdonēhēdonē (pleasure) (pleasure)– Pleasure not limited to the desire for comfort, fine food, sexual Pleasure not limited to the desire for comfort, fine food, sexual

satisfactionsatisfaction– The self-centered person takes pleasure from malicious gossip, The self-centered person takes pleasure from malicious gossip,

brutality, and treachery!brutality, and treachery!– He enjoys the pain and misery he inflicts on others, including He enjoys the pain and misery he inflicts on others, including

parents and friendsparents and friends– Not loved Not loved more thanmore than God, but God, but rather than… Godrather than… God

How to Love Self CorrectlyHow to Love Self Correctly What You Need to Know What You Need to Know

• There is a godly love for self that is natural and There is a godly love for self that is natural and

pleasing to Godpleasing to God– It stirs a strong self-image, confidence, and assuranceIt stirs a strong self-image, confidence, and assurance

– It even helps in preventing some illnessesIt even helps in preventing some illnesses

• Godly love of self comes from knowing 3 thingsGodly love of self comes from knowing 3 things

1.1. You are actually the creation of GodYou are actually the creation of God

• The highest creation possibleThe highest creation possible

2.2. You are actually the object of God’s loveYou are actually the object of God’s love

• The most supreme love possibleThe most supreme love possible

3.3. You are actually the trustee of God’s giftsYou are actually the trustee of God’s gifts

• The greatest gifts possibleThe greatest gifts possible

How to Love Self CorrectlyHow to Love Self Correctly What You Need to Know What You Need to Know

• John 13:3-5John 13:3-53. Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His

hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God,

4. rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself.

5. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

• God’s plan focuses on a denial of self God’s plan focuses on a denial of self – So that you can please Him and be a blessing to othersSo that you can please Him and be a blessing to others– It esteems others better than self - Philippians 2:3It esteems others better than self - Philippians 2:3– It walks humbly before others - Philippians 2:3-7It walks humbly before others - Philippians 2:3-7

How to Love Self CorrectlyHow to Love Self CorrectlyWhat You Need to DoWhat You Need to Do

1.1. Take the focus off yourself in daily situations and Take the focus off yourself in daily situations and relationships relationships

• Matthew 22:37-39Matthew 22:37-39

2.2. Delight yourself in the Lord, commit your ways to Him, Delight yourself in the Lord, commit your ways to Him, and wait patiently for Him and wait patiently for Him

• Psalm 37:1-9Psalm 37:1-9

3.3. Know that you are not your own Know that you are not your own • You have been bought with the precious sacrifice of Jesus You have been bought with the precious sacrifice of Jesus

Christ - I Corinthians 6:19-20; I Peter 1:17-19Christ - I Corinthians 6:19-20; I Peter 1:17-19

4.4. Examine yourself continuallyExamine yourself continually• Matthew 7:5; I Corinthians 11:26-32Matthew 7:5; I Corinthians 11:26-32• Ask God for grace to help you in all that hinders you from Ask God for grace to help you in all that hinders you from

serving Him and edifying othersserving Him and edifying others

kingdom of right relationships part 5b: loving self correctly matthew 22:34-40; ephesians 3:20 2...

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