330 Ksharim

L e s s o n 37Marriage

1. Outline:a. A study of elements in the marriage ceremony and customs that reflect a

connection to the land of Israel.b. Laws that set the value of marriage against the value of living in the land of

Israel.c. A discussion of some of the issues and dilemmas involving marriage and

the state in Israel today (the fact that there is no civil marriage or divorce inIsrael and the problem of mamzerut) and their implications and relevanceto different approaches to Jewish nationhood.

2. IntroductionMarriage and family life are central values in Judaism. Jewish law and custom is familyoriented and transmitting eternal truths to one’s children is the mainstay of Jewishthought. Israel, as we have seen, is also a central value in Judaism. It is thereforeinteresting to see how these two important principles reflect and reinforce each other.References to the land of Israel are intentionally included in the wedding ceremonyitself. On the other hand, what happens when these two principles come into directconflict with each other? The centrality of marriage in Judaism also makes it alightning rod for issues in Israel today dealing with religion and state, Jewish identityand nationhood. If marriage is the Jewish framework for families and families are thebricks out of which the Jewish nation is built then the question of what constitutes amarriage is not just a personal one but a national one as well and one which the statetoday is struggling answer.

3. Goals:a. To make the class aware of the references to Israel embedded in the

traditional wedding ceremony and other customs and texts related tomarriage.

b. To study the competing values of sanctity of marriage and living in Israelwhen a conflict arises between them.

c. To study the issues surrounding marriage in modern Israel and to try tounderstand why marriage more than any other lifecycle ritual has becomethe business of the state, as well as the implications of the differentarguments on the Jewish identity of the state and the concept ofnationhood.

4. Expanded Outline:

331 Ksharim

a. References to Israel in the Marriage Ceremony.1. The traditional Jewish wedding ceremony is a combination of

symbolic acts representing the sanctity of the union and the newhome being created, together with the contractual legalundertakings of each side to the other within marriage. (Seesource 1). As such there is no obvious need to mention orcommemorate the land of Israel - yet certain customs andblessings do just that.

2. Seven blessings are traditionally recited under the weddingcanopy. The blessings begin with praising G-d for His creation ingeneral and creation of the human being and proceed with praisefor the creation of the human as a "two part creature," woman andman. The blessings express the hope that the new couple willrejoice together forever as though they are the original couple,Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Both the fifth and seventhblessings recall the land of Israel, linking and drawing a parallelbetween the joys of the new couple with that of a rebuilt Zion.The fifth blessing reads: “The barren city shall rejoice as herchildren are gathered within her in joy. Blessed are Thou G-D whocauses Zion to rejoice with her children.” The seventh states:Blessed art Thou G-D who created joy and happiness, the brideand the groom…Soon may we hear in the cities of Judah and thestreets of Jerusalem the voice of happiness and the voice of joy,the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, the happyshouts of wedding parties from their canopies and the music ofyouths from their feasts of song…” (see source 2).

3. The well known custom of breaking the glass at the end of theceremony is also thought to symbolize the destruction of theTemple. Although there are other sources to the custom the mostpopular explanation is that the breaking of the glass is meant tosymbolize the destruction of the Temple thus enacting the verse “Iwill hold Jerusalem above my chiefest joy.” Moreover, a commoncustom among the Orthodox in Israel is to sprinkle ashes on thegroom’s head at this point and have him recite the verse “If I forgetthee O Jerusalem.” (It is rather ironic that it is precisely thismoment, the breaking of the glass, that is most associated withthe wedding celebration and joy, always causing a loud round ofMazel Tovs)

4. It is considered a great mitzvah to celebrate a wedding and bringjoy to the bride and groom. In order to emphasize how importantand meaningful this is the Talmud likens the one who has

332 Ksharim

gladdened the heart of a bridegroom to one who has rebuilt theruins of Jerusalem. On the opposite end of the spectrum theTalmud reports that the very altar in the Temple weeps for onewho divorces his first wife. (See source 3).

5. Another custom connected with weddings is that of the Aufruf – orShabbat Chatan - the “Groom’s Sabbath” which for Ashkenazimoccurs on the Shabbat preceding the wedding, while theSephardim observe it on the Shabbat after the wedding. On thatShabbat the groom is given the honor of being called to the Torah;he sometimes chants the Haftorah and is usually showered withcandies and sweets. One of the sources for this custom links itwith the special gate designated for bridegrooms at the entranceto the Temple. Anyone who walked through this gate wasautomatically identified as a bridegroom thus enabling the rest ofthe people present to wish him well, bless him and share in his joy.In its place, after the destruction of the Temple, Shabbat wasdesignated as the time to give the entire community a chance tobless the new couple and share in its joy. (See source 4).

6. Question for Discussion: Why are blessings recalling a rebuiltZion included in the marriage service? What type of connection isbeing recalled? How is the marriage being linked with the land ofIsrael?

There is no parallel custom to breaking the glass at either a brit orbar mitzvah. Why specifically at a wedding is a sign of mourning inhonor of the Temple included? (Another custom commemoratingthe destruction is leaving a small part of a new house unplastered,how does this connect to the wedding custom?).

How can the joy of a marriage be compared or related to the joy ofrebuilding Jerusalem? What role does the Temple play in the storyof the gates? Is that a role the land of Israel is meant to play inJewish consciousness?

b. The Land of Israel vs. the Sanctity of Marriage1. Both the sanctity of marriage and the land of Israel are important

values in Jewish thought and practice. What happens then when aconflict arises between them? The Talmud deals with several suchissues.

2. The sages ruled that a person living in the land of Israel was notpermitted to leave it. (There are some Orthodox Jews today who

333 Ksharim

do not travel abroad for this reason). They listed three exceptionsto the rule. One is permitted to leave the land in order to: 1) tolearn Torah, 2) to make a living, 3) to find a wife. (See source 5).

3. Another ruling deals with the fate of an existing marriage whenone spouse wishes to live in the land of Israel and the other doesnot. According to halacha a man may divorce his wife if she refusesto move with him to the land of Israel, and is exempt from payingher ketuba (i.e., she is at “fault” in the divorce). Likewise a womanmay sue for divorce and is entitled to her ketuba if she desires tolive in Israel and her husband does not. (See Source 6)

4. Questions for Discussion: Is it clear from these sources whichvalue takes precedence over the other? Why do you suppose oneis permitted to leave the country to find a spouse while an existingmarriage may be broken to allow one spouse to live in Israel? Howdo these laws reflect the value given to the land of Israel? Thereare parallel laws allowing a son to disobey his father in order tolive in the land – is it the same thing?

c. Issues of Marriage and Divorce in Israel Today

In the following section I will try to briefly and objectively describe the status quo inIsrael today regarding the laws of marriage and divorce as well as the issues involved.Besides the actual debate itself the class can also discuss why it is that marriage aloneout of all life cycle events and rituals has generated such debate and stateinvolvement.

1. In Israel today marriage and divorce are governed by religious law. In otherwords the law of the land recognizes only religious authorities and law asbinding in these areas. There is no civil law pertaining to either marriage ordivorce. All citizens are married according to their religious affiliation. Jewishlaw in these areas is defined as halacha which is determined by the ChiefRabbinate, i.e., Orthodox Jewish law. This situation originated in Ottoman Lawwhich defined “personal status” law by religious affiliation. In regard to Jews itwas legislated into Israeli law in 1953 in the The Law of Rabbinical Courts(Marriages and Divorces) – 1953 (see source 7). The rabbi performing thewedding is considered, according to the Law of Population Registry - 1965 andthe Law of the Chief Rabbinate - 1980, the official Marriage Registrar. The noticeof the marriage is transmitted directly from the regional rabbinate to theInterior Ministry. The rabbi performing the wedding is also authorized,according to the Law of Financial Relations Between Couples - 1973, to put intoeffect a financial agreement between the couple, if they have agreed toarrange such a document. After the marriage, such an action will require

334 Ksharim

certification by a court. There is no religious or legal obligation to write such anagreement.

2. This situation has caused many difficulties and much controversy. As Israelabsorbs more non-Jews, both Russian Olim who are non-Jews and foreignworkers who live in the country, the lack of civil marriage means that there isno authority empowered to perform marriages or divorces between Jews andnon-affiliated people or between themselves unless they belong to arecognized religious group. Also according to halacha there are certainmarriages that are forbidden: a cohen and a divorced women or convert, amamzer with another Jew, a divorced women with a man identified as her loverwhile she was still legally married. As these marriages are prohibited byhalacha the rabbinate will not perform them. However if the couple managesto get married (for example, by civil marriage in another country) the marriageis recognized de facto. (see source 8)

3. Another source of discontent is the fact that many Israelis feel alienated andunhappy with the traditional ceremony as offered or performed by theRabbinate-approved rabbis. They perceive the rabbi as a functionary of thestate bureaucracy, who generally does not have any kind of personalrelationship with the couple, and often represents a culture that is foreign tothem. They would prefer a liberal, innovative or personalized ceremonyinstead, ceremonies which are not officially recognized. (see source 9)

4. There are many attempts to bypass the Rabbinate by getting married out ofthe country, known in Israel as a “Cypriot “ marriage since Cyprus is thepreferred destination for such trips, being close and inexpensive. This worksbecause a foreign marriage certificate is recognized by the ministry of interior.Those who want an alternate Jewish ceremony then do it separately and relyon their foreign certificate to register as a married couple. (see source 10)Other couples choose to marry in alternate ceremonies and remain officiallyunmarried. Approximately 30,000 Jewish marriages are registered annually inIsrael. 82% of these are registered with the rabbinate and are performed inaccordance with Jewish tradition. 81% of Jewish Israelis consider it 'veryimportant' or 'important' to be married with a rabbinic blessing. Almost half(49%) of this population believe that there should be legal civil marriage inIsrael, though only 26% would opt for this alternative. (These statistics arecompiled from the Central Bureau of Statistics and the study of the Avi ChaiFoundation, February, 2002; other studies suggest that a higher percentage ofcouples would opt out).

5. In an attempt to address the dissatisfaction with the Rabbinate a group ofReligious Zionist Rabbis have formed an organization called Tzohar, (“skylight”)dedicated to making the traditional ceremony more meaningful and personal

335 Ksharim

for all couples within the bounds of halacha. They also refuse to accept anymoney for officiating at weddings, which helps ease the added frustration ofhaving to pay for a service you really don’t want and aren’t at all pleased with.(see source 11)

6. The problems get worse with the issue of divorce. Here the rabbinical courtshave often proven inefficient and unresponsive to the sensibilities of thegeneral population. There is much criticism about the status of women withinthe existing framework since by Jewish law a husband must grant his wifedivorce and while she can sue for divorce the halacha is reluctant to force ahusband to grant one against his will.

7. Many organizations and lobby groups are pushing for a reform and thelegislation of civil marriage and divorce in Israel. At first glance this demandseems not only justified but inevitable. Stopping the Rabbinate’s monopolyon marriage and divorce would allow all people as well as all Jews to act inaccordance with their personal beliefs. (see source 12). Such is the case in theJewish world outside Israel. Jews choose the type of Jewish wedding theywant (if any) and are married by their respective rabbis in accordance with thatmovement’s laws and customs. Furthermore even in Israel, Orthodoxy’sstranglehold on marriage is unique. There is no state law requiring that a childbe circumcised or called to Torah on his bar mitzvah or that a person be buriedaccording to Jewish law, so why in regard to marriage must religious law beenforced nationally?

8. There is a complication. The halacha mandates that any child born of an illicitrelation (one prohibited in Leviticus Chapter 18) is considered a mamzer. Amamzer is prohibited to marry any other Jew except another mamzer. One ofthe illicit relationships that produce a mamzer is one between a marriedwoman and a man who is not her husband. According to halacha as long as awomen does not receive a valid get or Jewish divorce then she is still married toher first husband, even if she has been granted a civil divorce. Any childrenproduced in her second marriage will be classified as mamzerim. ObservantJews are forbidden from marrying them. Therefore allowing Jews to divorceoutside the halacha is likely to create a situation where Orthodox Jews will notmarry other Jews. It is this scenario that is used to justify the status quo –despite its many shortcomings.

9. The problem of mamzerut was one of the reasons some rabbis required theEthiopian Jews to convert. The accepted mode of divorce among EthiopianJews did not comply with accepted halacha and therefore there was a realchance that many would be classified mamzerim. Since a convert is consideredas a “newborn,” conversion was one way of saving many from such a

336 Ksharim

classification that would have prevented them from marrying other Jews inIsrael.

10. Once again the argument can be made that in the rest of the world Jews actaccording to their religious consciousness and affiliation and in the case ofmarriage between Orthodox and other Jews the specific couple and theircommunity choose whether to accept the marriage or not. Why not in Israel?

11. The answering argument is that while in the Diaspora the fact that an OrthodoxJew may see himself as forbidden from marrying a reform Jew is a cause ofdivision between the different steams of Judaism and may be the cause ofpersonal tragedies, it doesn’t threaten the nationhood of the Jewish people.Judaism continues to exist as a pluralistic religion within the host nation. InIsrael where there is an attempt being made to create a nation of Jews, whereJudaism is conceived in terms of nationality and not just religion suchfragmentation of the society may pose a real threat not just to Jewish unity butto Jewish nationhood. The claim that is usually raised is that such a movewould lead to the creation of two separate nations in the country.

12. This issue is currently being debated at all levels of Israeli society with differentproposals. It seems that the ultimate solution will be an indication of the abilityof different types of Jews to work together in the interest of Jewish unity andnationhood. (see source 13)

Conclusion:Marriage holds a unique and significant place in Judaism. It is the framework of theJewish home and family, the bearers of Jewish tradition. It is this special status that onone hand encourages comparisons and connections with the imagery of the land ofIsrael, another central value and framework in Judaism. On the other hand it is becausemarriage is so highly valued and the family perceived as the basis of the Jewish nationthat the laws governing marriage have become concerns not of just the rabbis but ofthe state itself.

337 Ksharim

L e s s o n 37Marriage

1. Outline:d. A study of elements in the marriage ceremony and customs that reflect a

connection to the land of Israel.e. Laws that set the value of marriage against the value of living in the land of

Israel.f. A discussion of some of the issues and dilemmas involving marriage and

the state in Israel today (the fact that there is no civil marriage or divorce inIsrael and the problem of mamzerut) and their implications and relevanceto different approaches to Jewish nationhood.

2. IntroductionMarriage and family life are central values in Judaism. Jewish law and custom is familyoriented and transmitting eternal truths to one’s children is the mainstay of Jewishthought. Israel, as we have seen, is also a central value in Judaism. It is thereforeinteresting to see how these two important principles reflect and reinforce each other.References to the land of Israel are intentionally included in the wedding ceremonyitself. On the other hand, what happens when these two principles come into directconflict with each other? The centrality of marriage in Judaism also makes it alightning rod for issues in Israel today dealing with religion and state, Jewish identityand nationhood. If marriage is the Jewish framework for families and families are thebricks out of which the Jewish nation is built then the question of what constitutes amarriage is not just a personal one but a national one as well and one which the statetoday is struggling answer.

3. Goals:g. To make the class aware of the references to Israel embedded in the

traditional wedding ceremony and other customs and texts related tomarriage.

h. To study the competing values of sanctity of marriage and living in Israelwhen a conflict arises between them.

i. To study the issues surrounding marriage in modern Israel and to try tounderstand why marriage more than any other lifecycle ritual has becomethe business of the state, as well as the implications of the differentarguments on the Jewish identity of the state and the concept ofnationhood.

338 Ksharim

4.Expanded Outline:j. References to Israel in the Marriage Ceremony.

1. The traditional Jewish wedding ceremony is a combination ofsymbolic acts representing the sanctity of the union and the newhome being created, together with the contractual legalundertakings of each side to the other within marriage. (Seesource 1). As such there is no obvious need to mention orcommemorate the land of Israel - yet certain customs andblessings do just that.

2. Seven blessings are traditionally recited under the weddingcanopy. The blessings begin with praising G-d for His creation ingeneral and creation of the human being and proceed with praisefor the creation of the human as a "two part creature," woman andman. The blessings express the hope that the new couple willrejoice together forever as though they are the original couple,Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Both the fifth and seventhblessings recall the land of Israel, linking and drawing a parallelbetween the joys of the new couple with that of a rebuilt Zion.The fifth blessing reads: “The barren city shall rejoice as herchildren are gathered within her in joy. Blessed are Thou G-D whocauses Zion to rejoice with her children.” The seventh states:Blessed art Thou G-D who created joy and happiness, the brideand the groom…Soon may we hear in the cities of Judah and thestreets of Jerusalem the voice of happiness and the voice of joy,the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, the happyshouts of wedding parties from their canopies and the music ofyouths from their feasts of song…” (see source 2).

3. The well known custom of breaking the glass at the end of theceremony is also thought to symbolize the destruction of theTemple. Although there are other sources to the custom the mostpopular explanation is that the breaking of the glass is meant tosymbolize the destruction of the Temple thus enacting the verse “Iwill hold Jerusalem above my chiefest joy.” Moreover, a commoncustom among the Orthodox in Israel is to sprinkle ashes on thegroom’s head at this point and have him recite the verse “If I forgetthee O Jerusalem.” (It is rather ironic that it is precisely thismoment, the breaking of the glass, that is most associated withthe wedding celebration and joy, always causing a loud round ofMazel Tovs)

4. It is considered a great mitzvah to celebrate a wedding and bringjoy to the bride and groom. In order to emphasize how important

339 Ksharim

and meaningful this is the Talmud likens the one who hasgladdened the heart of a bridegroom to one who has rebuilt theruins of Jerusalem. On the opposite end of the spectrum theTalmud reports that the very altar in the Temple weeps for onewho divorces his first wife. (See source 3).

5. Another custom connected with weddings is that of the Aufruf – orShabbat Chatan - the “Groom’s Sabbath” which for Ashkenazimoccurs on the Shabbat preceding the wedding, while theSephardim observe it on the Shabbat after the wedding. On thatShabbat the groom is given the honor of being called to the Torah;he sometimes chants the Haftorah and is usually showered withcandies and sweets. One of the sources for this custom links itwith the special gate designated for bridegrooms at the entranceto the Temple. Anyone who walked through this gate wasautomatically identified as a bridegroom thus enabling the rest ofthe people present to wish him well, bless him and share in his joy.In its place, after the destruction of the Temple, Shabbat wasdesignated as the time to give the entire community a chance tobless the new couple and share in its joy. (See source 4).

6. Question for Discussion: Why are blessings recalling a rebuiltZion included in the marriage service? What type of connection isbeing recalled? How is the marriage being linked with the land ofIsrael?

There is no parallel custom to breaking the glass at either a brit orbar mitzvah. Why specifically at a wedding is a sign of mourning inhonor of the Temple included? (Another custom commemoratingthe destruction is leaving a small part of a new house unplastered,how does this connect to the wedding custom?).

How can the joy of a marriage be compared or related to the joy ofrebuilding Jerusalem? What role does the Temple play in the storyof the gates? Is that a role the land of Israel is meant to play inJewish consciousness?

k. The Land of Israel vs. the Sanctity of Marriage1. Both the sanctity of marriage and the land of Israel are important

values in Jewish thought and practice. What happens then when aconflict arises between them? The Talmud deals with several suchissues.

340 Ksharim

2. The sages ruled that a person living in the land of Israel was notpermitted to leave it. (There are some Orthodox Jews today whodo not travel abroad for this reason). They listed three exceptionsto the rule. One is permitted to leave the land in order to: 1) tolearn Torah, 2) to make a living, 3) to find a wife. (See source 5).

3. Another ruling deals with the fate of an existing marriage whenone spouse wishes to live in the land of Israel and the other doesnot. According to halacha a man may divorce his wife if she refusesto move with him to the land of Israel, and is exempt from payingher ketuba (i.e., she is at “fault” in the divorce). Likewise a womanmay sue for divorce and is entitled to her ketuba if she desires tolive in Israel and her husband does not. (See Source 6)

4. Questions for Discussion: Is it clear from these sources whichvalue takes precedence over the other? Why do you suppose oneis permitted to leave the country to find a spouse while an existingmarriage may be broken to allow one spouse to live in Israel? Howdo these laws reflect the value given to the land of Israel? Thereare parallel laws allowing a son to disobey his father in order tolive in the land – is it the same thing?

l. Issues of Marriage and Divorce in Israel Today

In the following section I will try to briefly and objectively describe the status quo inIsrael today regarding the laws of marriage and divorce as well as the issues involved.Besides the actual debate itself the class can also discuss why it is that marriage aloneout of all life cycle events and rituals has generated such debate and stateinvolvement.

13. In Israel today marriage and divorce are governed by religious law. In otherwords the law of the land recognizes only religious authorities and law asbinding in these areas. There is no civil law pertaining to either marriage ordivorce. All citizens are married according to their religious affiliation. Jewishlaw in these areas is defined as halacha which is determined by the ChiefRabbinate, i.e., Orthodox Jewish law. This situation originated in Ottoman Lawwhich defined “personal status” law by religious affiliation. In regard to Jews itwas legislated into Israeli law in 1953 in the The Law of Rabbinical Courts(Marriages and Divorces) – 1953 (see source 7). The rabbi performing thewedding is considered, according to the Law of Population Registry - 1965 andthe Law of the Chief Rabbinate - 1980, the official Marriage Registrar. The noticeof the marriage is transmitted directly from the regional rabbinate to theInterior Ministry. The rabbi performing the wedding is also authorized,according to the Law of Financial Relations Between Couples - 1973, to put into

341 Ksharim

effect a financial agreement between the couple, if they have agreed toarrange such a document. After the marriage, such an action will requirecertification by a court. There is no religious or legal obligation to write such anagreement.

14. This situation has caused many difficulties and much controversy. As Israelabsorbs more non-Jews, both Russian Olim who are non-Jews and foreignworkers who live in the country, the lack of civil marriage means that there isno authority empowered to perform marriages or divorces between Jews andnon-affiliated people or between themselves unless they belong to arecognized religious group. Also according to halacha there are certainmarriages that are forbidden: a cohen and a divorced women or convert, amamzer with another Jew, a divorced women with a man identified as her loverwhile she was still legally married. As these marriages are prohibited byhalacha the rabbinate will not perform them. However if the couple managesto get married (for example, by civil marriage in another country) the marriageis recognized de facto. (see source 8)

15. Another source of discontent is the fact that many Israelis feel alienated andunhappy with the traditional ceremony as offered or performed by theRabbinate-approved rabbis. They perceive the rabbi as a functionary of thestate bureaucracy, who generally does not have any kind of personalrelationship with the couple, and often represents a culture that is foreign tothem. They would prefer a liberal, innovative or personalized ceremonyinstead, ceremonies which are not officially recognized. (see source 9)

16. There are many attempts to bypass the Rabbinate by getting married out ofthe country, known in Israel as a “Cypriot “ marriage since Cyprus is thepreferred destination for such trips, being close and inexpensive. This worksbecause a foreign marriage certificate is recognized by the ministry of interior.Those who want an alternate Jewish ceremony then do it separately and relyon their foreign certificate to register as a married couple. (see source 10)Other couples choose to marry in alternate ceremonies and remain officiallyunmarried. Approximately 30,000 Jewish marriages are registered annually inIsrael. 82% of these are registered with the rabbinate and are performed inaccordance with Jewish tradition. 81% of Jewish Israelis consider it 'veryimportant' or 'important' to be married with a rabbinic blessing. Almost half(49%) of this population believe that there should be legal civil marriage inIsrael, though only 26% would opt for this alternative. (These statistics arecompiled from the Central Bureau of Statistics and the study of the Avi ChaiFoundation, February, 2002; other studies suggest that a higher percentage ofcouples would opt out).

342 Ksharim

17. In an attempt to address the dissatisfaction with the Rabbinate a group ofReligious Zionist Rabbis have formed an organization called Tzohar, (“skylight”)dedicated to making the traditional ceremony more meaningful and personalfor all couples within the bounds of halacha. They also refuse to accept anymoney for officiating at weddings, which helps ease the added frustration ofhaving to pay for a service you really don’t want and aren’t at all pleased with.(see source 11)

18. The problems get worse with the issue of divorce. Here the rabbinical courtshave often proven inefficient and unresponsive to the sensibilities of thegeneral population. There is much criticism about the status of women withinthe existing framework since by Jewish law a husband must grant his wifedivorce and while she can sue for divorce the halacha is reluctant to force ahusband to grant one against his will.

19. Many organizations and lobby groups are pushing for a reform and thelegislation of civil marriage and divorce in Israel. At first glance this demandseems not only justified but inevitable. Stopping the Rabbinate’s monopolyon marriage and divorce would allow all people as well as all Jews to act inaccordance with their personal beliefs. (see source 12). Such is the case in theJewish world outside Israel. Jews choose the type of Jewish wedding theywant (if any) and are married by their respective rabbis in accordance with thatmovement’s laws and customs. Furthermore even in Israel, Orthodoxy’sstranglehold on marriage is unique. There is no state law requiring that a childbe circumcised or called to Torah on his bar mitzvah or that a person be buriedaccording to Jewish law, so why in regard to marriage must religious law beenforced nationally?

20. There is a complication. The halacha mandates that any child born of an illicitrelation (one prohibited in Leviticus Chapter 18) is considered a mamzer. Amamzer is prohibited to marry any other Jew except another mamzer. One ofthe illicit relationships that produce a mamzer is one between a marriedwoman and a man who is not her husband. According to halacha as long as awomen does not receive a valid get or Jewish divorce then she is still married toher first husband, even if she has been granted a civil divorce. Any childrenproduced in her second marriage will be classified as mamzerim. ObservantJews are forbidden from marrying them. Therefore allowing Jews to divorceoutside the halacha is likely to create a situation where Orthodox Jews will notmarry other Jews. It is this scenario that is used to justify the status quo –despite its many shortcomings.

21. The problem of mamzerut was one of the reasons some rabbis required theEthiopian Jews to convert. The accepted mode of divorce among EthiopianJews did not comply with accepted halacha and therefore there was a real

343 Ksharim

chance that many would be classified mamzerim. Since a convert is consideredas a “newborn,” conversion was one way of saving many from such aclassification that would have prevented them from marrying other Jews inIsrael.

22. Once again the argument can be made that in the rest of the world Jews actaccording to their religious consciousness and affiliation and in the case ofmarriage between Orthodox and other Jews the specific couple and theircommunity choose whether to accept the marriage or not. Why not in Israel?

23. The answering argument is that while in the Diaspora the fact that an OrthodoxJew may see himself as forbidden from marrying a reform Jew is a cause ofdivision between the different steams of Judaism and may be the cause ofpersonal tragedies, it doesn’t threaten the nationhood of the Jewish people.Judaism continues to exist as a pluralistic religion within the host nation. InIsrael where there is an attempt being made to create a nation of Jews, whereJudaism is conceived in terms of nationality and not just religion suchfragmentation of the society may pose a real threat not just to Jewish unity butto Jewish nationhood. The claim that is usually raised is that such a movewould lead to the creation of two separate nations in the country.

24. This issue is currently being debated at all levels of Israeli society with differentproposals. It seems that the ultimate solution will be an indication of the abilityof different types of Jews to work together in the interest of Jewish unity andnationhood. (see source 13)

Conclusion:Marriage holds a unique and significant place in Judaism. It is the framework of theJewish home and family, the bearers of Jewish tradition. It is this special status that onone hand encourages comparisons and connections with the imagery of the land ofIsrael, another central value and framework in Judaism. On the other hand it is becausemarriage is so highly valued and the family perceived as the basis of the Jewish nationthat the laws governing marriage have become concerns not of just the rabbis but ofthe state itself.

344 Ksharim

Sources:

1. http://www.itim.org.il/bin/en.jsp?enDispWho=CeremonySubTopic^l15&enPage=BlankPage_E&enDisplay=view&enDispWhat=object&enVersion=0&enInfolet=ViewObject_E.jsp&enZone=CeremonySubTopic: - this is an excellent sitedealing with the realities and possibilities of different life cycle events andcelebrations in Israel today from a modern Orthodox view.

http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/marriage.html#Ceremonyhttp://www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/Guide_to_the_Jewish_Wedding.asp

these two sites detail a traditional orthodox ceremony.http://www.weddingdetails.com/lore/jewish.cfm#top –http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_view_of_marriage

Reform_and_Conservative_adaptations these sites include conservative and reform details as well

2. http://www.ou.org/wedding/7brachot.htm - for a list and translation of all theblessings.

http://www.todays-weddings.com/planning/readings/seven_blessings.html An alternate seven blessings suggested by Anita Diamant in her book “The New Jewish Wedding” note that there is no mention of Jerusalem or Zion etc. What is the significance of the omission?

3. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Brachot Folio 6 Side B And if he does gladden him what is his reward? …R. Nahman b. Isaac says: It is as if he had restored one of the ruins of Jerusalem.

And

Babylonian Talmud Tractate Sanhedrin Folio 22 side AR. Eliezer said: For him who divorces the first wife, the very altar sheds tears, as it iswritten: “And this further ye do, ye cover the altar of the Lord with tears, withweeping and with sighing, in so much that he regardeth not the offering any more,neither receiveth it with good will at your hand” (Malachi 2)

4. Pierkei D’Rabbi Eliezer Chapter 17: Solomon saw that acts of kindness were dear to the Holy One and so when hebuilt the Temple he built two gates; one for grooms and one for mourners. OnShabbat the people of Israel would go and sit between these two gates. Whoeverentered through the gate of groom, they knew he was a bridegroom and theywould say to him “May He Who dwells in this House cause you to rejoice you withsons and daughters. And whoever entered the other gate unshaven they wouldknow he was a mourner and say to him “May He Who dwells in this House comfort

345 Ksharim

you…. And from the day that the Temple was destroyed our sages enacted thatbridegrooms and mourners should go the synagogue and the houses of learningthat the people of the place may see the groom and rejoice with him and see themourner and sit on the earth with him so that all of Israel may fulfill their obligationof acts of kindness…”

5. Babylonian Talmud; tractate Avoda Zarah Folio 13 Side A:

If he be a priest he may incur the risk of defilement by going outside the [Holy]Land for the purpose of arguing the matter with them and have it tried in court. ….…Likewise, one may incur similar defilement for the sake of studying the Torah ortaking a wife.

Maimonides The Laws of Kings Chapter 5 Halacha 9:It is always forbidden to leave the land of Israel and go to the Diaspora except tolearn Torah, or to marry a women, or to save himself from the hands of the gentilesand then he should return to the land, and also for commerce…

6. Mishna Ketubot Chapter 13 Mishna 11 [A MAN] MAY COMPEL ALL [HIS HOUSEHOLD] TO GO UP [WITH HIM] TO THE LANDOF ISRAEL., BUT NONE MAY BE COMPELLED TO LEAVE IT. [ONE’S ENTIREHOUSEHOLD] MAY BE COMPELLED TO GO UP TO JERUSALEM BUT NONE MAY BECOMPELLED TO LEAVE IT. [THIS APPLIES TO] BOTH MEN AND WOMEN

Babylonian Talmud Tractate Ketubot Folio 110 side BOur Rabbis taught: If [the husband] desires to go up and his wife refuses she mustbe pressed to go up; and if [she does] not [consent] she may be divorced without aketuba. If she desires to go up and be refuses, he must be pressed to go up; and if[he does] not [consent] he must divorce her and pay her ketuba. If she desires toleave and he refuses to leave, she must be pressed not to leave, and if [pressure isof] no [avail] she may be divorced without a ketuba. If he desires to leave and sherefuses he must be pressed not to leave, and if [coercion is of] no [avail] he mustdivorce her and pay her ketuba.

7. Rabbinical Courts Jurisdiction (Marriage and Divorce) Law (5713-1953):

1. Matters of marriage and divorce of Jews in Israel, being nationals or residents ofthe State, shall be under the exclusive jurisdiction of rabbinical courts.

2. Marriages and divorces of Jews shall be performed in Israel in accordancewith Jewish religious law.

346 Ksharim

8. http://www.irac.org/article_e.asp?artid=16 –a background article by an actionorganization advocating civil marriage

9. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_world/4215160.stm - a BBChuman interest article describing the dilemmas faced by one couple.

10. http://www.schechter.edu/askrabbi/marriageceremony.htm

11. http://www.tzohar.org.il/nisuim_show.asp?id=6183 – unfortunately there is noEnglish site

12. http://www.hemdat.org/freedom_of_choice.htm -http://www.nif.org/content.cfm?id=2037&currBody=1

the homepages of organizations lobbying for civil marriage

13. http://www.irac.org/article_e.asp?artid=351 – Gavison-Meidan proposal

From the current press (3/06):http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1139395660493

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/697045.html

14. http://www.itim.org.il/bin/en.jsp?enDispWho=CeremonySubTopic^l15&enPage=BlankPage_E&enDisplay=view&enDispWhat=object&enVersion=0&enInfolet=ViewObject_E.jsp&enZone=CeremonySubTopic: - this is an excellent sitedealing with the realities and possibilities of different life cycle events andcelebrations in Israel today from a modern Orthodox view.

http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/marriage.html#Ceremonyhttp://www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/Guide_to_the_Jewish_Wedding.asp

these two sites detail a traditional orthodox ceremony.http://www.weddingdetails.com/lore/jewish.cfm#top –http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_view_of_marriage

Reform_and_Conservative_adaptations these sites include conservative and reform details as well

15. http://www.ou.org/wedding/7brachot.htm - for a list and translation of all theblessings.

http://www.todays-weddings.com/planning/readings/seven_blessings.html An alternate seven blessings suggested by Anita Diamant in her book “The New Jewish Wedding” note that there is no mention of Jerusalem or Zion etc. What is the significance of the omission?

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16. Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Brachot Folio 6 Side B And if he does gladden him what is his reward? …R. Nahman b. Isaac says: It is as if he had restored one of the ruins of Jerusalem.

And

Babylonian Talmud Tractate Sanhedrin Folio 22 side AR. Eliezer said: For him who divorces the first wife, the very altar sheds tears, as it iswritten: “And this further ye do, ye cover the altar of the Lord with tears, withweeping and with sighing, in so much that he regardeth not the offering any more,neither receiveth it with good will at your hand” (Malachi 2)

17. Pierkei D’Rabbi Eliezer Chapter 17: Solomon saw that acts of kindness were dear to the Holy One and so when hebuilt the Temple he built two gates; one for grooms and one for mourners. OnShabbat the people of Israel would go and sit between these two gates. Whoeverentered through the gate of groom, they knew he was a bridegroom and theywould say to him “May He Who dwells in this House cause you to rejoice you withsons and daughters. And whoever entered the other gate unshaven they wouldknow he was a mourner and say to him “May He Who dwells in this House comfortyou…. And from the day that the Temple was destroyed our sages enacted thatbridegrooms and mourners should go the synagogue and the houses of learningthat the people of the place may see the groom and rejoice with him and see themourner and sit on the earth with him so that all of Israel may fulfill their obligationof acts of kindness…”

18. Babylonian Talmud; tractate Avoda Zarah Folio 13 Side A:

If he be a priest he may incur the risk of defilement by going outside the [Holy]Land for the purpose of arguing the matter with them and have it tried in court. ….…Likewise, one may incur similar defilement for the sake of studying the Torah ortaking a wife.

Maimonides The Laws of Kings Chapter 5 Halacha 9:It is always forbidden to leave the land of Israel and go to the Diaspora except tolearn Torah, or to marry a women, or to save himself from the hands of the gentilesand then he should return to the land, and also for commerce…

348 Ksharim

19. Mishna Ketubot Chapter 13 Mishna 11 [A MAN] MAY COMPEL ALL [HIS HOUSEHOLD] TO GO UP [WITH HIM] TO THE LANDOF ISRAEL., BUT NONE MAY BE COMPELLED TO LEAVE IT. [ONE’S ENTIREHOUSEHOLD] MAY BE COMPELLED TO GO UP TO JERUSALEM BUT NONE MAY BECOMPELLED TO LEAVE IT. [THIS APPLIES TO] BOTH MEN AND WOMEN

Babylonian Talmud Tractate Ketubot Folio 110 side BOur Rabbis taught: If [the husband] desires to go up and his wife refuses she mustbe pressed to go up; and if [she does] not [consent] she may be divorced without aketuba. If she desires to go up and be refuses, he must be pressed to go up; and if[he does] not [consent] he must divorce her and pay her ketuba. If she desires toleave and he refuses to leave, she must be pressed not to leave, and if [pressure isof] no [avail] she may be divorced without a ketuba. If he desires to leave and sherefuses he must be pressed not to leave, and if [coercion is of] no [avail] he mustdivorce her and pay her ketuba.

20. Rabbinical Courts Jurisdiction (Marriage and Divorce) Law (5713-1953):

1. Matters of marriage and divorce of Jews in Israel, being nationals or residents ofthe State, shall be under the exclusive jurisdiction of rabbinical courts.

2. Marriages and divorces of Jews shall be performed in Israel in accordancewith Jewish religious law.

21. http://www.irac.org/article_e.asp?artid=16 –a background article by an actionorganization advocating civil marriage

22. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_world/4215160.stm - a BBChuman interest article describing the dilemmas faced by one couple.

23. http://www.schechter.edu/askrabbi/marriageceremony.htm

24. http://www.tzohar.org.il/nisuim_show.asp?id=6183 – unfortunately there is noEnglish site

25. http://www.hemdat.org/freedom_of_choice.htm -http://www.nif.org/content.cfm?id=2037&currBody=1

the homepages of organizations lobbying for civil marriage

26. http://www.irac.org/article_e.asp?artid=351 – Gavison-Meidan proposal

From the current press (3/06):http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1139395660493

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/697045.html