in LoveWhat does it mean?

love's sweet mysterieslanguage of poets, romantic novels

and mystics, art and musicdescriptive of its exquisite

rhapsodiesit is in the realm of the unknowable ,

the unimaginabletoo large, too deep to be limited by

the framework of words

Love as a Human emotion

needs to be unpacked as part of the repertoire of human behaviour

much more than feelinglove is volitionalhas the potential to be misused and

abusedcomplex and amorphous human

experience

Love – a misused english word !

love God – love mud cakelove the bush – love my wifesacrificial lovemaking lovelove your enemyfalling in love

Love deified!

uniquely religious connotationGod is Love ……Love is Godis the ‘summumbonum’“human loves that become gods do not

remain loves although still called so” (C.S.Lewis)

such loves become demonsdiscounted by the empirical sciencessacrilegious to dissect

What is Love

Eros

Storge

Philia

Philanthropia

Agape

Storge - affection

parenting instinct independent of biological sex

taken for granted and can ‘rub along’paradox of ‘need-love’ and ‘gift-love’desperate desire and demand for lovethreatened by changedestructive violation of boundaries

Philia - friendshipleast natural, least instinctive and uninquisitiveexalted in ancient/medieval times: trivialized in

some contemporary societiesthe focus is not the individual but a common

intentprovides mutual affirmation and companionshipoffers emotional and physical supportpotential to create dependence and unrealistic

expectations school of virtue or vice

Eros-love of partner

sex- a legitimate expectationphysical closenessmutual pleasuring highly valueddegrees of exclusivenessdepth of emotional sharingcommitment to parentingtrust and riskrisk of ‘fusion illusion’

Philanthropia – love of humanity

awareness of our brotherhood/sisterhoodacceptance/validation of differencedivergent thinking and open dialoguegenuine concern for oppressed, deprived

marginalizedcommitment to action and reconcliationdangers of bias and stereotypingmanipulation for personal gain and reward

Agape – Divine Love

God’s love of humankind and the cosmoshuman loves at best can only be glorious

images of Agapeit is something humans can strive towards

but never quite get to ‘in this life’

LOVE OF SELF

self worth, self esteem, self efficacyautonomous selfcare for selfdiscovering one’s unique potentialawareness of strengths and weaknessesmaking growth oriented choicesbased on self sufficiency not deficiencyrisks of self centeredness and narcissism

Academic study of lovethe human race is programmed to fall in lovewhy we fall in love and how we fall in loveromantic love is universal as well as a many

splendoured body languagefalling in love with love stimulated by brain

chemicals – phenylethylamine (PEA), dopamine

similarities between love and obsessive-compulsive disorder- serotonin imbalance

Triangular theory of love

INTIMACY PASSION

COMMITMENT

LOVE

Love as socially constructed is composed of certain thoughts, feelings and actions

[Sternberg, 1989]

INTIMACYclosenesstrustrespect, high regardbondednessconnectednesscompanionshipsharing

PAssion

desireromanceattraction, physical affectionaffiliationsexual interaction

COMMITMENT

decisionboundary settinginvestmentgoal settingchoicepowerpositive interactions

INTERACTIVE MODEL

love is to be found at the intersection of these components; it is a complex whole

differ in terms of their propertiesdiffer in terms of stability and predictabilitydiffer in terms of control and awarenessdiffer over time within a single relationshipdiffer across relationships at a given timediffer in terms of psycho-physiological

involvement

True love?

BEING LOVE

freedom

responsibility

space

trust

empowering

letting go

DEFICIENCY LOVE

demanding

possession

jealousy

resentment

manipulation

dependence

FINAL WORDs!to love is to be vulnerablelove is much more than an enthusiastic emotionlove is learned and maintained through

ceaseless practicelove cannot be bought or soldlove cannot be weighed or measuredlove cannot be captured or heldlove is about making choicesto be loved you must be lovable

Falling in love is one of the greatest risks any one of us can take. There is no safety net for this high-flying circus act. You rely on the other guy in Spandex to be there to grab your hands mid air. Sometimes they are just not up to it. Or the timing is all wrong. Or they are off with the sword-thrower’s assistant. So you better start learning to flap

Kathleen Noonan –Courier Mail’

Thank You !k.misso@qut.edu.au