leading courageously: confronting reality
TRANSCRIPT
Leading Courageously:
Confronting RealityJean Winsand Institute – March 28, 2019
Presented by:
Dr. Sarah Shaw
Principal, Jefferson Elementary School, Mt. Lebanon School District
[email protected]; 412-344-2167
Dr. Sharon Suritsky
Deputy Superintendent, Upper St. Clair School District
[email protected]; 412-833-1600 x2213
Dr. Linda HippertAssistant Professor, Point Park University
[email protected] ; 412-389-6631
“The first responsibility
of a leader is to define
reality.” (Max DePree, Chairman and CEO)
What does it mean to
“confront reality?”
Sharing the bad news as well as the good
Naming the “elephant in the room”
Addressing the “sacred cows”
Discussing the “undiscussables”
We confront reality by having crucial
conversations!
In Good to Great,
Jim Collins quotes
U.S. Admiral James
Stockdale (Vietnam
prisoner of war – 8
years)
“You must never confuse
faith that you will prevail
in the end (which you can
never afford to lose) with
the discipline to confront
the most brutal facts of
your current reality,
whatever they might be.”
Result = Solve problems and build
relationships
A discussion between 2 or more people where:
Stakes are high
Opinions vary
Emotions run strong
“Crucial Conversation”
What is the of
“confronting reality?”
Ignoring it
Acting as though it doesn’t exist
Burying your head in the sand, thinking it will go
away
The is to act as though you’re
confronting reality when you’re actually evading it. You
focus on busywork while skirting the real issues.
No Crucial Conversations = No
Reality!
So why don’t people
confront reality?”
Desire to be popular or liked
Belief that it needs to be left to someone else to
create distance from what’s going on in order to
maintain credibility and trust
Want to avoid discomfort
Don’t want to “lose face”
The then is
people see you as:
Lacking in (not being open
or honest, not being transparent, not
talking straight)
Lacking in (clueless,
naïve, incompetent)
Develop a sense of your own extent to which you do or
do not engage in Crucial Conversations
Acquire the knowledge and understanding as to
you may not always engage in Crucial Conversations
Learn and cultivate strategies that teach you to get
better at having Crucial Conversations
At your table . . .
Think of your current work; Consider your
participation on a team, at work, at home, in your
community.
1. Recall a situation where reality needed to
be confronted and a Crucial
Conversation/Interaction was needed
2. What was the situation?
3. What exactly did you do?
4. Why did you do what you described in
number 3?
At your table . . .
Complete the brief
“Style Under Stress” Assessment
Silence vs. Violence
SILENCE
Act purposefully to
withhold information from
pool of meaning
Means to avoid potential
problems
Restricts flow of meaning
Playing verbal games to
avoid a person entirely
VIOLENCE
Any verbal strategy that
attempts to convince,
control or compel others to
your point of view
Violates safety by trying to
force meaning into the pool
Methods range from name-
calling and monologuing to
making threats
Style Under Stress
SILENCE VIOLENCE
Masking
Questions 5, 6
Controlling
Questions 7, 8
Avoiding
Questions 3, 4
Labeling
Questions 9, 10
Withdrawing
Questions 1, 2
Attacking
Questions 11, 12
Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations.
New York, NY: McGraw Hill, Inc.
Style Under Stress
SILENCE
Masking
Questions 5, 6
Understating or selectively
showing our true opinions
Sarcasm, sugarcoating, and
couching
Avoiding
Questions 3, 4
Steering completely away
from sensitive subjects. We
talk, but without addressing
the real issues
Withdrawing
Questions 1, 2
Pulling out of a conversation
altogether. We either exit the
conversation or exit the
room.
Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations.
New York: McGraw Hill
Style Under Stress
VIOLENCEControlling
Questions 7, 8
Coercing others to your way of
thinking; Done by either forcing your
views on others or dominating the
conversation; Cutting others off,
overstating your facts, speaking in
absolutes, changing subjects, using
directive questions to control the
conversation
Labeling
Questions 9, 10
Putting a label on people or ideas so
we can dismiss them under a general
stereotype or category
Attacking
Questions 11, 12
Moving from winning the argument to
making the person suffer. Tactics
include belittling and threatening
Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations. New York:
McGraw Hill
Essential Behaviors for
Crucial Conversations
1. Maintain the right mindset and as the
leader, “sell it”
Honest = Respectful and Kind
Essential Behaviors for
Crucial Conversations
2. Start with Dialogue
Know what you really want
Stay focused
Look for safety problems and
consider your own Style Under Stress
Essential Behaviors for
Crucial Conversations
3. Pay Attention to and Maintain Safety
Re-establish mutual purpose – care
about other person’s interests
Re-establish mutual respect – use “I do”
and “I don’t” statements
Essential Behaviors for
Crucial Conversations
4. Focus on Action and Results
Make assignments – provide specificity
Hold people accountable
REFLECT upon the
“situation” you identified
earlier
What ESSENTIAL
BEHAVIORS were missing
from that
conversation/interaction?
“The Art of [Effective]
Communication is the
Language of
Leadership.”
James Humes
References
Covey, Stephen M.R. (2006). The Speed of Trust. New York, NY:
Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002).
Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking when stakes are high.. New
York, NY: McGraw Hill, Inc.